.
.
I am trying to get going. I am quite tired. I really need to push for this last part though. I am so very thirsty, tired, bruised, and such. I must be honest, I am surprised I have done this well, held together, and in the bad shape I have become since I stopped working out that I have not had a stroke, diabetic coma, or heart attack. The hours awake, the physical and emotional stresses, the poor diet, the perpetual dehydration in spite of drinking gallons of stuff a day, and a number of other things really make me wonder why I am not toast. God either really has something for me or I am the luckiest (unluckiest) cuss cur that has ever swindled so much life out of one overwrought corpse!
"That don't confront me none, as long as I get my check next payday", I think that is how the song goes. I need to really hop and go as fast and strongly as I can. And, because I have done as well as I can, for this long, and over what I thought remotely possible, I have revised my first week's itinerary. I will not spend it sleeping. I will be out, first on foot looking at the University, meeting neighbors and friends, making small contacts in the community, finding out where hiking and driving trails are, getting my swimming pass, and finding out where to eat. Perhaps even working out whether I feel I have the energy or not.
Though I am sore, bruised, tired, and weak, I am so tightened up from the trip and moving that it would surely be a waste to let that pass. Seeing my bellyfat in full length mirrors has horrified me. I do not mind being ugly, I was born that way. But I do not like being like this. That is my fault. And, I mean to do something about it. Oh, I was able to bend over and touch my toes without bending my knees though! There might be some hope. Yep, this time, as soon as I am in, is the time to jump on it and push as hard as I can. When I really need a break, I will take it, but for now, I think my job is to push up and on.
I should also admit, I will be having my Mom up sometime soon. She may end up being in a hotel, the one I am staying in if I can make it happen money wise. Yeah, I know what I said. And, at the time, I meant it. As well, I can be a fool and a mean one, no doubts there. She may have her failings, she may have made mistakes, but she really has been there as she can, when she can, and as strongly as she can. She is only human, but a very loving one. She is the non-beatified saint of strays, drop-outs, and otherwise unwanted people. Her flaws are just there so that she is not eaten alive by us, sometimes quite ungrateful, lost souls. The bitter is there so that when we are able again to venture forth, that we do so. Distance and a new place help bring things into focus. If too, after a week or so here, I may well want to put her in the baggage compartment, if that is all there is, on the next plane out! *laughing* If she comes in winter, I will probably gear her up to be out of doors a bit. I will have to find a snowmobile rental place and take her on a low and slow outdoor tour, I plan on it myself anyway. Hey, she dressed me funny for years, I suppose it is my turn.
I must get going. Phone calls, contacts, hauling, driving, unloading, getting into my apartment, unpacking, and such await and the day is so very short. Oh, and another shower.
You people take care of yourselves. You really are in my prayers. Sometimes for special concerns, like you and your business Jean or your recent illness D.C.. Sometimes just because I happen upon your name as I spend quiet moments letting my mind wander during my prayers. Even those, like Brigid and Enemy of the Republic and Pretty Lady, who have left here never to return. I just cannot seem to hate or harbor ill will, if I can be a bitter pill and a thick-necked bastard. I guess I got more than cooking from my Mom, if my testosterone takes her nature to new levels. Know at least one person, for certain, is praying for you, and loves you. Good day.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tempation knocks.
.
.
I was sleeping well, I think, then something woke me. I do not know if it was something outside the room, outside of myself, or something internal. I woke with a terrible hunger for more than just food. I get this from time to time, and the urge to be with a woman is always strong, sometimes much more so than other times. Tonight my hungers drove me half to madness. I rolled over, tried to sleep, adjusted my pillows, and did everything else I could think to do. I wanted to see if I could master my lust without prayer. And, ultimately, barely, I did. I think I also suffered needlessly for hours and in the end woke myself from needed sleep. I think I will stay with prayer henceforth.
I dreamed, before being so rudely awakened, along a theme I have dreamed of in the past. In my dream, I am a captured soldier, sailor, marine, or something like that. My enemy is one of the communist nations. They captured me in perfectly good health, I merely ran out of ammunition and was completely surrounded. Well, that and the enemy was not out of ammunition. They took me to a prisoner of war camp. For some reason, they believed that I had information which could be vital, it could change the course of the war, or outright end it.
They put me into a form of chemically induced coma. They used various drugs, hypnosis, and electronic equipment to develop dreams. They provided actors to play various roles. My lady friend, for example, would only be half real. What I sense in my mind is an American woman. She would be my love and friend, when my dreams indicate such. But she, in truth, would be a communist interrogation expert, female of course, but also probably Chinese, Vietnamese, North Korean, or something. Everything I sense from her, such as sex, would merely be a slew of drugs, physical manipulation, and words or sounds which go along with that. Everyone in what I sensed as life was an actor, along those lines but playing their own roles.
I do not know how they would know what I am dreaming, or if they had simply figured out how to make me dream certain things. Perhaps it was electronic monitors that allowed them to "see" my dreams, figuratively or literally. Perhaps, as I said, through the drugs and acting, they were able to manipulate my dreams to their ends. In any case, my body was wasting in reality while my mind thought it was living a normal life back in the states.
I cannot be sure how long this had been going on. A dream can seem to stretch for hours, days, weeks, or far longer. I have had dreams where I have lived out a fairly long life. In spite of the time in the dream, sometimes very little actual time passes. However, I have the sense, in the dream, that I have been so entombed in fantasy for a very long time. I would not say years, more like decades. I was no longer being manipulated for information, the war was long over and whatever resolutions where had are done, whether they involved information I had or not.
At the point in the dream where I was, I was being used either as a form of computer or as a test subject. Even in the dream, I was beginning to realize I was in a fiction. The seams of the dreamscape had become known to me, to some extent. And yet, knowing my body was a wreck, that I would not get out alive, and because I could not quite completely wake up or even completely shake the reality created for me (because of addiction to the drugs, the pain of physical consciousness, or a mix of such things), I continued as well as I could within the dreams. But I did begin changing the dreams, taking control, and living out my dream life my way. Communists, being atheists, cannot quite deal with religion, chastity, or other (to them) atypical behaviors. As their means of control failed, their ability to sexually manipulate me ended, and as religion began to play a larger role in my dream life, they eventually are forced to let me have it my way. Though, this is interesting to them so they do not merely destroy me.
I dream that fairly often. I sometimes feel it could be true. But I do not worry about it too much. I actually believe, even if it was true, due to my finding God even within that, I would be saved. I also realize, if such a thing were true, that man is still greater than communism and evil. Even with seemingly no control, man still controls his destiny and chooses good or evil. Flesh, again, is relegated to the fiction of sorts that I believe it to be even should that all just be a dream. Christ already won, the rest is the winding down to the time of the calling.
If nothing else, it is a great conversation piece should it happen to come up in conversations. I just write about it here and now because it was so fresh on my mind, and because it has some odd connection with that other notion I had today, the idea that this area is not new to me. I do not know how they fit or join, though I have some ideas. And, no worries. I have not suddenly lost my mind. It has been out to lunch for decades. My mind is like a deaf dog. It does not matter what you name it, it does not come home when called. Huh? Never mind.
Well, good night. I am going to try to go back to bed. Maybe I will dream something else that, if no one else does, I enjoy the complexity, flavor, or possibilities within. Yes, indeed. Good night, again.
.
I was sleeping well, I think, then something woke me. I do not know if it was something outside the room, outside of myself, or something internal. I woke with a terrible hunger for more than just food. I get this from time to time, and the urge to be with a woman is always strong, sometimes much more so than other times. Tonight my hungers drove me half to madness. I rolled over, tried to sleep, adjusted my pillows, and did everything else I could think to do. I wanted to see if I could master my lust without prayer. And, ultimately, barely, I did. I think I also suffered needlessly for hours and in the end woke myself from needed sleep. I think I will stay with prayer henceforth.
I dreamed, before being so rudely awakened, along a theme I have dreamed of in the past. In my dream, I am a captured soldier, sailor, marine, or something like that. My enemy is one of the communist nations. They captured me in perfectly good health, I merely ran out of ammunition and was completely surrounded. Well, that and the enemy was not out of ammunition. They took me to a prisoner of war camp. For some reason, they believed that I had information which could be vital, it could change the course of the war, or outright end it.
They put me into a form of chemically induced coma. They used various drugs, hypnosis, and electronic equipment to develop dreams. They provided actors to play various roles. My lady friend, for example, would only be half real. What I sense in my mind is an American woman. She would be my love and friend, when my dreams indicate such. But she, in truth, would be a communist interrogation expert, female of course, but also probably Chinese, Vietnamese, North Korean, or something. Everything I sense from her, such as sex, would merely be a slew of drugs, physical manipulation, and words or sounds which go along with that. Everyone in what I sensed as life was an actor, along those lines but playing their own roles.
I do not know how they would know what I am dreaming, or if they had simply figured out how to make me dream certain things. Perhaps it was electronic monitors that allowed them to "see" my dreams, figuratively or literally. Perhaps, as I said, through the drugs and acting, they were able to manipulate my dreams to their ends. In any case, my body was wasting in reality while my mind thought it was living a normal life back in the states.
I cannot be sure how long this had been going on. A dream can seem to stretch for hours, days, weeks, or far longer. I have had dreams where I have lived out a fairly long life. In spite of the time in the dream, sometimes very little actual time passes. However, I have the sense, in the dream, that I have been so entombed in fantasy for a very long time. I would not say years, more like decades. I was no longer being manipulated for information, the war was long over and whatever resolutions where had are done, whether they involved information I had or not.
At the point in the dream where I was, I was being used either as a form of computer or as a test subject. Even in the dream, I was beginning to realize I was in a fiction. The seams of the dreamscape had become known to me, to some extent. And yet, knowing my body was a wreck, that I would not get out alive, and because I could not quite completely wake up or even completely shake the reality created for me (because of addiction to the drugs, the pain of physical consciousness, or a mix of such things), I continued as well as I could within the dreams. But I did begin changing the dreams, taking control, and living out my dream life my way. Communists, being atheists, cannot quite deal with religion, chastity, or other (to them) atypical behaviors. As their means of control failed, their ability to sexually manipulate me ended, and as religion began to play a larger role in my dream life, they eventually are forced to let me have it my way. Though, this is interesting to them so they do not merely destroy me.
I dream that fairly often. I sometimes feel it could be true. But I do not worry about it too much. I actually believe, even if it was true, due to my finding God even within that, I would be saved. I also realize, if such a thing were true, that man is still greater than communism and evil. Even with seemingly no control, man still controls his destiny and chooses good or evil. Flesh, again, is relegated to the fiction of sorts that I believe it to be even should that all just be a dream. Christ already won, the rest is the winding down to the time of the calling.
If nothing else, it is a great conversation piece should it happen to come up in conversations. I just write about it here and now because it was so fresh on my mind, and because it has some odd connection with that other notion I had today, the idea that this area is not new to me. I do not know how they fit or join, though I have some ideas. And, no worries. I have not suddenly lost my mind. It has been out to lunch for decades. My mind is like a deaf dog. It does not matter what you name it, it does not come home when called. Huh? Never mind.
Well, good night. I am going to try to go back to bed. Maybe I will dream something else that, if no one else does, I enjoy the complexity, flavor, or possibilities within. Yes, indeed. Good night, again.
The day is done.
.
.
I have done what I could. I did go look at some of the storage units, but none were climate controlled as my search had specified. I did a bit more digging. The climate control places are not open currently and are simply not accessible at this time. I will need to wake early and make some calls. I was not able to make contact with the man with whom my previous neighbor was trying to put me in contact. I did find a place to get a decent sandwich. Though they were closing, they allowed me to eat right there, and stay a little later. I was quite grateful. I am pretty sure I smelled 'bud'. I neither do the stuff nor tolerate it in my domain at all, but I know it when I smell it. Since they were gracious, I will stay mum. I also was able to find a place to wash my SUV. It really needed it, the windows were difficult to see through. Dust, rain, and stuff from the road really did a number on the poor creature. I also found my apartment. It is not the prettiest thing, but it will most likely do very well. It looks like a two story college student type of place. Not bad, perhaps there will be more going on and a little more access to activities. The young have a way of quickening us fossils. Perhaps with my Xterra and money to a degree, and their enthusiasm, I can become younger and they can become wiser? It could happen. :p
Driving the Xterra instead of the nasty moving truck and trailer has been fantastic. I still catch myself trying to add in room for turns, slowing down well in advance, and in most other fashions driving as if I was still in the monster. I will be driving the big truck one more time, to unload it. Then I will be free of it for some time. Next time, I will put in a reservation so far in advance, and check on it, to ensure I will not get stuck with such a large truck! Then again, without the trailer, it might be fine as is. The Xterra is still very packed, however, so I probably still need to take some care. The rear view mirror is obstructed as well, which puts me right back into the hauler truck by similarity.
While driving around the last few days, I have been having a strange feeling. I could not quite put my finger on it until tonight. I feel as if I have lived here before. There is a familiarity with the place that is uncanny. I feel like I am home, for good or ill, but mostly for the good I think. The people I have seen, the stores I have driven by, the facilities available and that I have used all bear the mark of having been from my past. Sometimes I wonder if I was simply in a terrible accident and forgot who I was. Everyone else knows, and knows me, but have been told not to tell me or I might not be able to handle it. Perhaps I was a monster, perhaps merely another, who knows. I know it is silly, but there it is. And, as I joined the Catholic Church, then moved here, I feel that I am triangulating on something. Whether that something is my future or my past, or both, I cannot tell. Being as tired as I am, my mind just tumbles through possibilities, thoughts, feelings, and such as if dreaming on my feet. I know this. But I cannot shake the feeling that this new place is indeed not new at all. Perhaps, simply, I belong here. That is a powerful thing all on it's own.
I did have an unusual experience tonight. I was getting money out of an atm. A black man drove up, it was night, I had just entered, and I got a little twitchy. Size and skill are only half of it, dealing with bad situations, win, lose, or draw, has a hefty price. He stayed in his car until I got my money then went to my vehicle. I had forgotten my receipt! And, yes, I was thinking what to do. He came out, with the receipt, and approached me in my vehicle. He looked for acknowledgment about whether to approach and I gave it. He offered me my receipt and I thanked him. Yes, it does make me think. If this is how it is here all will be good. All that I ask is decency. I may have to retrain myself. I will not need to separate good from bad if all try to be good. I may have my beliefs, theories, and such, but I am never displeased to be proven wrong or partially wrong. And I will give any man, who does right as best he is able, anything I have, including parts of my heart, mind, and soul as a brother. Though too, I will slay a thief, murder, rapist, or such without a second thought. I will have to see further evidence, but this is looking more like the place I should be at every turn. I have prayed to God for wisdom, love, and kindness. Perhaps He has lead me to where I may offer that without fear. Time will tell.
.
I have done what I could. I did go look at some of the storage units, but none were climate controlled as my search had specified. I did a bit more digging. The climate control places are not open currently and are simply not accessible at this time. I will need to wake early and make some calls. I was not able to make contact with the man with whom my previous neighbor was trying to put me in contact. I did find a place to get a decent sandwich. Though they were closing, they allowed me to eat right there, and stay a little later. I was quite grateful. I am pretty sure I smelled 'bud'. I neither do the stuff nor tolerate it in my domain at all, but I know it when I smell it. Since they were gracious, I will stay mum. I also was able to find a place to wash my SUV. It really needed it, the windows were difficult to see through. Dust, rain, and stuff from the road really did a number on the poor creature. I also found my apartment. It is not the prettiest thing, but it will most likely do very well. It looks like a two story college student type of place. Not bad, perhaps there will be more going on and a little more access to activities. The young have a way of quickening us fossils. Perhaps with my Xterra and money to a degree, and their enthusiasm, I can become younger and they can become wiser? It could happen. :p
Driving the Xterra instead of the nasty moving truck and trailer has been fantastic. I still catch myself trying to add in room for turns, slowing down well in advance, and in most other fashions driving as if I was still in the monster. I will be driving the big truck one more time, to unload it. Then I will be free of it for some time. Next time, I will put in a reservation so far in advance, and check on it, to ensure I will not get stuck with such a large truck! Then again, without the trailer, it might be fine as is. The Xterra is still very packed, however, so I probably still need to take some care. The rear view mirror is obstructed as well, which puts me right back into the hauler truck by similarity.
While driving around the last few days, I have been having a strange feeling. I could not quite put my finger on it until tonight. I feel as if I have lived here before. There is a familiarity with the place that is uncanny. I feel like I am home, for good or ill, but mostly for the good I think. The people I have seen, the stores I have driven by, the facilities available and that I have used all bear the mark of having been from my past. Sometimes I wonder if I was simply in a terrible accident and forgot who I was. Everyone else knows, and knows me, but have been told not to tell me or I might not be able to handle it. Perhaps I was a monster, perhaps merely another, who knows. I know it is silly, but there it is. And, as I joined the Catholic Church, then moved here, I feel that I am triangulating on something. Whether that something is my future or my past, or both, I cannot tell. Being as tired as I am, my mind just tumbles through possibilities, thoughts, feelings, and such as if dreaming on my feet. I know this. But I cannot shake the feeling that this new place is indeed not new at all. Perhaps, simply, I belong here. That is a powerful thing all on it's own.
I did have an unusual experience tonight. I was getting money out of an atm. A black man drove up, it was night, I had just entered, and I got a little twitchy. Size and skill are only half of it, dealing with bad situations, win, lose, or draw, has a hefty price. He stayed in his car until I got my money then went to my vehicle. I had forgotten my receipt! And, yes, I was thinking what to do. He came out, with the receipt, and approached me in my vehicle. He looked for acknowledgment about whether to approach and I gave it. He offered me my receipt and I thanked him. Yes, it does make me think. If this is how it is here all will be good. All that I ask is decency. I may have to retrain myself. I will not need to separate good from bad if all try to be good. I may have my beliefs, theories, and such, but I am never displeased to be proven wrong or partially wrong. And I will give any man, who does right as best he is able, anything I have, including parts of my heart, mind, and soul as a brother. Though too, I will slay a thief, murder, rapist, or such without a second thought. I will have to see further evidence, but this is looking more like the place I should be at every turn. I have prayed to God for wisdom, love, and kindness. Perhaps He has lead me to where I may offer that without fear. Time will tell.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Time is never enough.
.
.
What a day. My list was far longer than my day. It takes some serious time to do some things. Getting the Xterra off the trailer took far longer than I thought it would. First, I inflated the left, then part of the right, tires. I then thought to unhook the front and rear chains attaching the SUV to the trailer. I started with the front one. Oops, with the tires inflated, the chain would not budge. I had to deflate the tires all over again, all the way down. Do you have any idea how long it takes to deflate one of those mongo tires? A while, even when not quite up to inflation as it should be. Then, I had to air them up again. Though that little device is the most potent one they offer, it is relatively weak and very slow. It takes, according to them, 3 minutes to inflate a normal tire. I think it took 10 to 15 minutes to get my tires to the high 20's, which is even below where I really need them. Honestly, I do not think it can quite fill my tires.
Once that was taken care of, the rest of the work went at a good pace. But it still took a good bit of time. Once I unloaded the Xterra, I then got the trailer into a good position to detach it from the truck. Then I parked the truck as well as I could with the space given. After that, I needed to drive to several Verizon places, with no success in finding a replacement charger, so I decided to go to the hotel and place free local calls to find a source. Which I did, finally. I bumped into another Iowa native who has moved out here with his wife. We had a great conversation, and it seems he knows some great places to go off-roading, places my Xterra is good enough to go. I may have to contact him when I get settled, and offer him and his wife a trip in exchange for the knowledge. They just traded their Jeep for a Cooper Mini (which he indicates is a thrill on the on-road drives).
After that, I could only find a car charger, no wall chargers, I plugged in my phone and went to dinner. I had not eaten breakfast or lunch, so I was quite hungry. I found a little Mexican restaurant and doubled down. It was a big meal, I could not quite finish it. Fat as I am now, that used to be a small meal. Metabolism slowing down with age stinks! Anyway, after I finished the meal, I went back to the hotel to cool down, make some calls, and check some things online.
This just takes time! I know other people just get in and get it done. I am not other people. And, with my phone's battery down, my phone did not save the phone number of the man who will be leading the unpacking crew, so I am having to try various means of obtaining his number. Nothing goes quite perfectly, for me, but I seem to find a way one way or the other, of making it work. But slowly it seems. I have been getting a lot of looks. I am not sure if it is my Frankenstein good looks, my size, or the Iowa license plates.
Oh, I think I saw Brigid, perhaps, when visiting Cabela's Center in Sydney. Maybe, maybe not, I will never know for sure. I do not know if she recognized me, but I would guess if she was there it was to try to espy me. Perhaps even to say hello, though with her being really mad at me, perhaps not. And, of course, it could have just been a figment of my splendid paranoia, imagination, or whatnot. If it was her, I feel bad for not having asked. And, I feel bad if she recognized me she did not say hello. Oh well, probably just that "the man in the ______ suit is a spy" (from some old song) type of game.
As soon as it cools off a bit (it hit mid-90's today, and will again tomorrow) and the traffic slows, I will go out and look at the apartment complex I will be moving into. It was too late to call the landlady by the time my phone was charged, or any of the storage units, but I can at least get an idea of where it is and what the area is like. I will probably also stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a padlock, and go scouting a right proper climate controlled storage unit. If I find one, I will just lock it and leave a note or get their number and call tomorrow. This town is a breeze to navigate and seems quite safe, at least for me. But then I see kids out and they seem fairly secure. It seems like a different world, a world I have been seeking. I would also like to find a place to wash the Xterra. Oh, and if I find a place to store my goods, I might unpack what I can of the Xterra, or I should say, unpack that which is going to be stored. Much of what is in there will be going into the apartment, at least for a once through review and consideration.
Though hot today, this seems like an unusual situation. The radio hostess called it a heat spike or heat wave, and deemed it unusual. After today and tomorrow, it is supposed to drop into the mid-80's, perhaps cooling more for the weekend. Though the 90's are hot, it is not like Iowa. There is simply no humidity. And, for that reason, when the sun sets, the world really cools off here. When you dry off, after a shower here, you stay dry. Wonderful.
Oh, I know there are problems, difficulties, things which will be uncomfortable, and such here as anywhere. But I really think I will learn to change my tastes, demands, and wants for here rather than the other way around, for the most part. I saw horses corralled right in town for heavens sakes! How could this be a bad place? Motorcycles never did it for me. Horses would be my thing, if I can handle the care and such or find a way to reasonably farm that out. Who knows, maybe someone wants their horses ridden more and will just turn over the reins.
Well, I am just blathering now, again, more. I will call this off and write more as I figure things out and as plans start coming together or are completed. Have a great day.
.
What a day. My list was far longer than my day. It takes some serious time to do some things. Getting the Xterra off the trailer took far longer than I thought it would. First, I inflated the left, then part of the right, tires. I then thought to unhook the front and rear chains attaching the SUV to the trailer. I started with the front one. Oops, with the tires inflated, the chain would not budge. I had to deflate the tires all over again, all the way down. Do you have any idea how long it takes to deflate one of those mongo tires? A while, even when not quite up to inflation as it should be. Then, I had to air them up again. Though that little device is the most potent one they offer, it is relatively weak and very slow. It takes, according to them, 3 minutes to inflate a normal tire. I think it took 10 to 15 minutes to get my tires to the high 20's, which is even below where I really need them. Honestly, I do not think it can quite fill my tires.
Once that was taken care of, the rest of the work went at a good pace. But it still took a good bit of time. Once I unloaded the Xterra, I then got the trailer into a good position to detach it from the truck. Then I parked the truck as well as I could with the space given. After that, I needed to drive to several Verizon places, with no success in finding a replacement charger, so I decided to go to the hotel and place free local calls to find a source. Which I did, finally. I bumped into another Iowa native who has moved out here with his wife. We had a great conversation, and it seems he knows some great places to go off-roading, places my Xterra is good enough to go. I may have to contact him when I get settled, and offer him and his wife a trip in exchange for the knowledge. They just traded their Jeep for a Cooper Mini (which he indicates is a thrill on the on-road drives).
After that, I could only find a car charger, no wall chargers, I plugged in my phone and went to dinner. I had not eaten breakfast or lunch, so I was quite hungry. I found a little Mexican restaurant and doubled down. It was a big meal, I could not quite finish it. Fat as I am now, that used to be a small meal. Metabolism slowing down with age stinks! Anyway, after I finished the meal, I went back to the hotel to cool down, make some calls, and check some things online.
This just takes time! I know other people just get in and get it done. I am not other people. And, with my phone's battery down, my phone did not save the phone number of the man who will be leading the unpacking crew, so I am having to try various means of obtaining his number. Nothing goes quite perfectly, for me, but I seem to find a way one way or the other, of making it work. But slowly it seems. I have been getting a lot of looks. I am not sure if it is my Frankenstein good looks, my size, or the Iowa license plates.
Oh, I think I saw Brigid, perhaps, when visiting Cabela's Center in Sydney. Maybe, maybe not, I will never know for sure. I do not know if she recognized me, but I would guess if she was there it was to try to espy me. Perhaps even to say hello, though with her being really mad at me, perhaps not. And, of course, it could have just been a figment of my splendid paranoia, imagination, or whatnot. If it was her, I feel bad for not having asked. And, I feel bad if she recognized me she did not say hello. Oh well, probably just that "the man in the ______ suit is a spy" (from some old song) type of game.
As soon as it cools off a bit (it hit mid-90's today, and will again tomorrow) and the traffic slows, I will go out and look at the apartment complex I will be moving into. It was too late to call the landlady by the time my phone was charged, or any of the storage units, but I can at least get an idea of where it is and what the area is like. I will probably also stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a padlock, and go scouting a right proper climate controlled storage unit. If I find one, I will just lock it and leave a note or get their number and call tomorrow. This town is a breeze to navigate and seems quite safe, at least for me. But then I see kids out and they seem fairly secure. It seems like a different world, a world I have been seeking. I would also like to find a place to wash the Xterra. Oh, and if I find a place to store my goods, I might unpack what I can of the Xterra, or I should say, unpack that which is going to be stored. Much of what is in there will be going into the apartment, at least for a once through review and consideration.
Though hot today, this seems like an unusual situation. The radio hostess called it a heat spike or heat wave, and deemed it unusual. After today and tomorrow, it is supposed to drop into the mid-80's, perhaps cooling more for the weekend. Though the 90's are hot, it is not like Iowa. There is simply no humidity. And, for that reason, when the sun sets, the world really cools off here. When you dry off, after a shower here, you stay dry. Wonderful.
Oh, I know there are problems, difficulties, things which will be uncomfortable, and such here as anywhere. But I really think I will learn to change my tastes, demands, and wants for here rather than the other way around, for the most part. I saw horses corralled right in town for heavens sakes! How could this be a bad place? Motorcycles never did it for me. Horses would be my thing, if I can handle the care and such or find a way to reasonably farm that out. Who knows, maybe someone wants their horses ridden more and will just turn over the reins.
Well, I am just blathering now, again, more. I will call this off and write more as I figure things out and as plans start coming together or are completed. Have a great day.
Awake, but...
.
.
I arrived so much earlier last night to this hotel than I did yesterday to the first hotel, I had become some what acclimated to driving long hours and sitting in that seat, and I showered and cooled off before going to sleep last night, and then I slept like a baby. I think I slept like a baby. How about this, I remember how well I slept as well as I remember how well I slept when I was a baby? Ah forget it, those sayings never make sense. I am trying to say I slept soundly. I woke roughly, as yesterday, and my wake up call was at 9:45 again. But I am very tired and sore. My muscles ache, from arm to leg to odd places. My joints have been shaken and stirred. Bruises and anonymous pain nerve reception is to be had across many and varied parts of the U.S.S. Doom, often not exactly identifiably so. Is that pain coming from a thumb, lower back, or a toe?
No, though, that is not a complaint. Not that I am a masochist, it is just that I like it to show when I have done something that, for me anyway, was a big job. If I could climb Mount Everest, swim the Mississippi, pack out the length of the U.S. Continental Divide, or dive the Arctic Sea over a week, but felt no distress, what would it be? This pain tells me I have done something. And more, it tells me I can do more. It has tightened me up (a bit, hush!). And, it has shown how much I have left to do. After just using the home mirror for so long, and seeing myself in these huge mirrors at the hotels, I am totally aware of how bad it is now. If a full length mirror does not provide incentive toward becoming active, nothing will.
I did celebrate with some fine port last night. Two smaller glasses cheered my first night in town. I saved one last bit for tonight. Wilsford makes a super port, should you ever have an interest and a few dollars. Old Tawny, Barossa Port, to be precise.
I have several tasks I need to get to work on right away. After I shower, it will be time to call U-Haul. With the tire pump in hand, I may just add air to the Xterra's front tires and unload it here, in the parking lot. There is plenty of room at this point in time and I would have one less worry, as driving that set can be quite the thing. I still have not completely grokked the notion of turning rightly through turns so that the trailer wheels always make it cleanly. I have held my breath as I watched the trailer, and even U-Haul truck when I first started driving, ride over curb walls and such. I just went a little slower, turned the wheel a bit if necessary, and it all worked out.
The drive, other than being white knuckle at times, and with the other oddities, was actually pleasant. With nearly a full moon the last few nights, only occasional spits of rain and very light winds which I never really sensed, and somewhat light traffic for the most part, I was able to look out my window from time to time. I see, again, that God is the finest artist ever. With a little sand, water, dirt, some plants, various gasses, and a palette upon which He mixes every color we can sense and then some, He has crafted or created the realizations for the painting of a most beautiful reality. From plains to foothills, from sky to clouds within that, then on to mountains, rivers, gullies, buttes, and so much more, I often felt as if I was driving in a most wondrous painting that just never quit. And, though I do not sense beauty in the way so many seem to do, or say they do (I am suspicious you know), I do see scope, breadth, width, and I have awe, if I do not always understand how those things fit into my reality, your reality, all reality, or God's truth. I suppose I am an unattached observer, just not an dead one, or at least not an completely dead one. My eyes, my God, my eyes. What a magical and spectacular scene I have witnessed these last days.
The drive into Logan was through the lens of moonlight. But I could easily see that there are mountains around, and quite close on the drive into town. There were no exaggerations as to this place. It is a valley crested by mountains to the east and west, the humidity is very low, the people are simply nice so far, and I already get the sense that this might well be the place I am supposed to live, maybe to my death. I also feel a strong pull to push out of my little place, to strengthen my body, to begin living healthier, and to begin doing those things I had always dreamed of doing. I must take a bit of care, however. Though, for example, I would love to go climbing, I must get in decent physical shape before I do that. I would love to become a licensed scuba diver, but that will require lessons and of course the licensing but at least that has a built in limit. Many instructors will not take on a student unless they can perform a 1/2 mile straight swim, or so. I see so much to do here, I see too the way. But there is nothing stopping me from taking stock of my new environment with some drives and well controlled hikes. I am excited. That last sentence understates it, but it will do for now.
I suspect, too, if I do as I hope, I become fit and then active, and then maintain that for a bit, I will then begin contemplating school again. Oh, I know! I said earlier that I was not a masochist, but I keep running my mental tongue over that open psychic nerve! School, engineering school anyway, even for healthy happy smart people, is a brutal thing. For those who are disabled, it is like a legless unassisted 'climb' of Mount Everest. But for those called to it, those who like to tinker, those who enjoy challenges, and, well, geeks, engineering school is the pinnacle of achievement. A degree can only be topped by a masters degree. A Ph. D., whoever, to my mind, is a step down. It would limit one to academia, for the most part, and the jobs would not be so fun. Perhaps even research would become more limited. If one can, I think, one must. And despite my many difficulties, if I can get in shape and become active, I can do this as well.
I should say this too. The U of Iowa, actually, is a fine institute. I did razz it. But that was me having difficulty and finding something, anything at times, to blame. And, I will openly admit, I did so unfairly. The professors might be liberal, but they were not unfair. The admin was good. The grounds are beautiful. The students I came to know were very good. But I do hold that a lot of cheating went on. It probably occurs on all campuses. I think it is just impossible to avoid. I think why it is allowed to go on is because the system believes the cheaters will either get caught or their system is not up to cheating their whole way through and they will eventually academically die on their own crooked academic sword sooner or later. It must be akin to why police do not mess with every inexactitude they see. So, fine, you have it from the complainer, and straight.
Okay, what to do again? (this is just me, rethinking everything, you can skip this and still get a B+, maybe an A-) I have reserved this room for one more night, to make sure all other things will be in proper shape for my purposes and in proper time at my new place. Now I need to call U-Haul, and then figure how best to do things with that. If at all possible, I need to get the Xterra on her fully inflated wheels and find the Verizon store, contact my landlady, but first probably find something suitably good, sustaining yet mild, and somewhat light to eat. Then, I need to contact the gentlemen who will be helping me pack. Oh, I had best find an appropriate storage facility first, then contact them. But, first of all, another shower. A hot shower, now that I am cool, rested, and otherwise good, will help to heal, fortify, and allow my ugly carcass to be as presentable as possible.
By the way, since I did not die while packing, during the drive, or yet in my new fishbowl, and as soon as I am comfortably settled into my new cave and find some local internet hot spots, I will complete my promise. I will tell you my last deadly sin. I will tell you about my final secret. You will then know all I know, and may then evaluate me at your leisure. Should you find the need, I will give you the first stone. If too, I will suggest you remember what happened when Christ happened upon the stoning of the prostitute (no, I am not a prostitute!). Analogy, people, sheesh. Besides, who would buy? Now that is funny. I am looking in the mirror as I type (no choice really). I am not even sure a purveyor of fine human meats would buy this chunk of humabeef. Anyway, you will know what I had said I would tell.
Well, time to hit the thing and get going. I hope you find success, but more importantly love, in your daily doings. Be well and kneel to Wisdom, when you realize it.
*poof, finally!*
.
I arrived so much earlier last night to this hotel than I did yesterday to the first hotel, I had become some what acclimated to driving long hours and sitting in that seat, and I showered and cooled off before going to sleep last night, and then I slept like a baby. I think I slept like a baby. How about this, I remember how well I slept as well as I remember how well I slept when I was a baby? Ah forget it, those sayings never make sense. I am trying to say I slept soundly. I woke roughly, as yesterday, and my wake up call was at 9:45 again. But I am very tired and sore. My muscles ache, from arm to leg to odd places. My joints have been shaken and stirred. Bruises and anonymous pain nerve reception is to be had across many and varied parts of the U.S.S. Doom, often not exactly identifiably so. Is that pain coming from a thumb, lower back, or a toe?
No, though, that is not a complaint. Not that I am a masochist, it is just that I like it to show when I have done something that, for me anyway, was a big job. If I could climb Mount Everest, swim the Mississippi, pack out the length of the U.S. Continental Divide, or dive the Arctic Sea over a week, but felt no distress, what would it be? This pain tells me I have done something. And more, it tells me I can do more. It has tightened me up (a bit, hush!). And, it has shown how much I have left to do. After just using the home mirror for so long, and seeing myself in these huge mirrors at the hotels, I am totally aware of how bad it is now. If a full length mirror does not provide incentive toward becoming active, nothing will.
I did celebrate with some fine port last night. Two smaller glasses cheered my first night in town. I saved one last bit for tonight. Wilsford makes a super port, should you ever have an interest and a few dollars. Old Tawny, Barossa Port, to be precise.
I have several tasks I need to get to work on right away. After I shower, it will be time to call U-Haul. With the tire pump in hand, I may just add air to the Xterra's front tires and unload it here, in the parking lot. There is plenty of room at this point in time and I would have one less worry, as driving that set can be quite the thing. I still have not completely grokked the notion of turning rightly through turns so that the trailer wheels always make it cleanly. I have held my breath as I watched the trailer, and even U-Haul truck when I first started driving, ride over curb walls and such. I just went a little slower, turned the wheel a bit if necessary, and it all worked out.
The drive, other than being white knuckle at times, and with the other oddities, was actually pleasant. With nearly a full moon the last few nights, only occasional spits of rain and very light winds which I never really sensed, and somewhat light traffic for the most part, I was able to look out my window from time to time. I see, again, that God is the finest artist ever. With a little sand, water, dirt, some plants, various gasses, and a palette upon which He mixes every color we can sense and then some, He has crafted or created the realizations for the painting of a most beautiful reality. From plains to foothills, from sky to clouds within that, then on to mountains, rivers, gullies, buttes, and so much more, I often felt as if I was driving in a most wondrous painting that just never quit. And, though I do not sense beauty in the way so many seem to do, or say they do (I am suspicious you know), I do see scope, breadth, width, and I have awe, if I do not always understand how those things fit into my reality, your reality, all reality, or God's truth. I suppose I am an unattached observer, just not an dead one, or at least not an completely dead one. My eyes, my God, my eyes. What a magical and spectacular scene I have witnessed these last days.
The drive into Logan was through the lens of moonlight. But I could easily see that there are mountains around, and quite close on the drive into town. There were no exaggerations as to this place. It is a valley crested by mountains to the east and west, the humidity is very low, the people are simply nice so far, and I already get the sense that this might well be the place I am supposed to live, maybe to my death. I also feel a strong pull to push out of my little place, to strengthen my body, to begin living healthier, and to begin doing those things I had always dreamed of doing. I must take a bit of care, however. Though, for example, I would love to go climbing, I must get in decent physical shape before I do that. I would love to become a licensed scuba diver, but that will require lessons and of course the licensing but at least that has a built in limit. Many instructors will not take on a student unless they can perform a 1/2 mile straight swim, or so. I see so much to do here, I see too the way. But there is nothing stopping me from taking stock of my new environment with some drives and well controlled hikes. I am excited. That last sentence understates it, but it will do for now.
I suspect, too, if I do as I hope, I become fit and then active, and then maintain that for a bit, I will then begin contemplating school again. Oh, I know! I said earlier that I was not a masochist, but I keep running my mental tongue over that open psychic nerve! School, engineering school anyway, even for healthy happy smart people, is a brutal thing. For those who are disabled, it is like a legless unassisted 'climb' of Mount Everest. But for those called to it, those who like to tinker, those who enjoy challenges, and, well, geeks, engineering school is the pinnacle of achievement. A degree can only be topped by a masters degree. A Ph. D., whoever, to my mind, is a step down. It would limit one to academia, for the most part, and the jobs would not be so fun. Perhaps even research would become more limited. If one can, I think, one must. And despite my many difficulties, if I can get in shape and become active, I can do this as well.
I should say this too. The U of Iowa, actually, is a fine institute. I did razz it. But that was me having difficulty and finding something, anything at times, to blame. And, I will openly admit, I did so unfairly. The professors might be liberal, but they were not unfair. The admin was good. The grounds are beautiful. The students I came to know were very good. But I do hold that a lot of cheating went on. It probably occurs on all campuses. I think it is just impossible to avoid. I think why it is allowed to go on is because the system believes the cheaters will either get caught or their system is not up to cheating their whole way through and they will eventually academically die on their own crooked academic sword sooner or later. It must be akin to why police do not mess with every inexactitude they see. So, fine, you have it from the complainer, and straight.
Okay, what to do again? (this is just me, rethinking everything, you can skip this and still get a B+, maybe an A-) I have reserved this room for one more night, to make sure all other things will be in proper shape for my purposes and in proper time at my new place. Now I need to call U-Haul, and then figure how best to do things with that. If at all possible, I need to get the Xterra on her fully inflated wheels and find the Verizon store, contact my landlady, but first probably find something suitably good, sustaining yet mild, and somewhat light to eat. Then, I need to contact the gentlemen who will be helping me pack. Oh, I had best find an appropriate storage facility first, then contact them. But, first of all, another shower. A hot shower, now that I am cool, rested, and otherwise good, will help to heal, fortify, and allow my ugly carcass to be as presentable as possible.
By the way, since I did not die while packing, during the drive, or yet in my new fishbowl, and as soon as I am comfortably settled into my new cave and find some local internet hot spots, I will complete my promise. I will tell you my last deadly sin. I will tell you about my final secret. You will then know all I know, and may then evaluate me at your leisure. Should you find the need, I will give you the first stone. If too, I will suggest you remember what happened when Christ happened upon the stoning of the prostitute (no, I am not a prostitute!). Analogy, people, sheesh. Besides, who would buy? Now that is funny. I am looking in the mirror as I type (no choice really). I am not even sure a purveyor of fine human meats would buy this chunk of humabeef. Anyway, you will know what I had said I would tell.
Well, time to hit the thing and get going. I hope you find success, but more importantly love, in your daily doings. Be well and kneel to Wisdom, when you realize it.
*poof, finally!*
Hrumph!
.
.
As for those dear readers, and my friends and family back home who thought I was going to chicken out or simply fail to move, all I have to say is... I am here. I sit at my hotel in Logan, a very nice one obtained through some price grab internet thing. The one with W. Shatner. Not bad, really. The price to quality is silly. The only downside is that there is no choice and no way to cancel. For today's purposes, that is irrelevant. I am finally here!
The only problem I have had so far, which has cascaded a bit, is that the charger to my phone is... packed... somewhere. I had left it where it would be "safe", but toward the end I was too tired to watch it and even if I had told others about it, we were all so tired I am not sure it would have mattered. I was able to let the phone sit overnight and call my mother in the morning. I had the other phone numbers for her so she could call my neighbor and lady friend. However, without the phone, I had to wing and prayer it to the hotel, and regarding U-Haul for the moment.
In the morning, I will find if U-Haul has a local office, then call my new apartment manager, and perhaps find a Verizon store for either a free quick charge or a new charger. A lot of things are still up in the air, but just the details. The fundamental reality is that I am indeed in a new place. I am so very beat though. I may end up needing an extra day of rest, time to take care of a few details and make connections, and get a moving party together. I did do something as soon as I entered my new city. I saw a huge Wal-Mart. I decided to stop and see if they had a portable tire inflation device, dc. They did, they actually had 3. I got the biggest and best, though not to be particular. The tires on the Xterra are massive, I really need the extra capablity. I have not stopped drinking soda, as I had said I would on the trip. It bugs me, greatly, but I have ended up really needing it to stay awake. There is, as usual, always tomorrow.
Hey kids, it is bed time. I need to shower, have a bit of port, and then get some sleep. Perhaps I will write more in the morning (and edit if need be, though it probably will be). Sweet dreams.
.
As for those dear readers, and my friends and family back home who thought I was going to chicken out or simply fail to move, all I have to say is... I am here. I sit at my hotel in Logan, a very nice one obtained through some price grab internet thing. The one with W. Shatner. Not bad, really. The price to quality is silly. The only downside is that there is no choice and no way to cancel. For today's purposes, that is irrelevant. I am finally here!
The only problem I have had so far, which has cascaded a bit, is that the charger to my phone is... packed... somewhere. I had left it where it would be "safe", but toward the end I was too tired to watch it and even if I had told others about it, we were all so tired I am not sure it would have mattered. I was able to let the phone sit overnight and call my mother in the morning. I had the other phone numbers for her so she could call my neighbor and lady friend. However, without the phone, I had to wing and prayer it to the hotel, and regarding U-Haul for the moment.
In the morning, I will find if U-Haul has a local office, then call my new apartment manager, and perhaps find a Verizon store for either a free quick charge or a new charger. A lot of things are still up in the air, but just the details. The fundamental reality is that I am indeed in a new place. I am so very beat though. I may end up needing an extra day of rest, time to take care of a few details and make connections, and get a moving party together. I did do something as soon as I entered my new city. I saw a huge Wal-Mart. I decided to stop and see if they had a portable tire inflation device, dc. They did, they actually had 3. I got the biggest and best, though not to be particular. The tires on the Xterra are massive, I really need the extra capablity. I have not stopped drinking soda, as I had said I would on the trip. It bugs me, greatly, but I have ended up really needing it to stay awake. There is, as usual, always tomorrow.
Hey kids, it is bed time. I need to shower, have a bit of port, and then get some sleep. Perhaps I will write more in the morning (and edit if need be, though it probably will be). Sweet dreams.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
A good night's rest sure helps.
.
.
I had one thing in favor for me last night, and really, this morning. I left Central time and entered Mountain time, so it was 3:25 instead of 4:25 last night. That extra hour of sleep was a great gift. I woke up when called at 9:45 if it took a bit to get out of bed. I had feared I would fall back to sleep and not wake up in time to shower. I have had my shower, as it turns out, and am about to use the jacuzzi again! My bones, joints, muscles, and even one of my ears is sore. Well, mostly, the ear might be a fib. But the rest is real and I ache from toes to scalp. A quick hot water blast might be just the ticket. Then I will have to see about some food. Being this late, there might not be a thing left. But there must be something somewhere.
Not much more to say, other than I worked it well so I will be on the road fast after the splash. Oh, and that my cellphone battery died and... my recharge cord got packed around me. *sigh* I could not call a single person last night. I will figure it out.
Have a great day.
.
I had one thing in favor for me last night, and really, this morning. I left Central time and entered Mountain time, so it was 3:25 instead of 4:25 last night. That extra hour of sleep was a great gift. I woke up when called at 9:45 if it took a bit to get out of bed. I had feared I would fall back to sleep and not wake up in time to shower. I have had my shower, as it turns out, and am about to use the jacuzzi again! My bones, joints, muscles, and even one of my ears is sore. Well, mostly, the ear might be a fib. But the rest is real and I ache from toes to scalp. A quick hot water blast might be just the ticket. Then I will have to see about some food. Being this late, there might not be a thing left. But there must be something somewhere.
Not much more to say, other than I worked it well so I will be on the road fast after the splash. Oh, and that my cellphone battery died and... my recharge cord got packed around me. *sigh* I could not call a single person last night. I will figure it out.
Have a great day.
Short but sweet.
.
.
I have made it to the half-way point, and then some. It is 4:10 am, so I will keep this brief.
The drive was uneventful, barring one time when I needed to finagle the truck and trailer out of the fueling station. I got in well, but getting extricated from the space took some work (and lots of luck). The behemoth manages well at 75 mph. Some of the roads were making me nervous, more on the downside of hills, though some interchanges and bridge work was worrying. I learned how to turn off over-drive, which helped with the hills. There is nothing to do about bad roads. Considering I have never driven anything this big before, let alone towed something and something as big as the Xterra, I have done well so far.
The apartment was completely stripped! Between my lady friend, my neighbor, and another neighbor, no trash was even left. Everything I wanted to take was taken. Everything I wanted packed was packed, if toward the end it was rather random. If it had not been for my long time lady friend and my long term neighbor, much would have been left and the cave would have been filled with boxes, trash (not garbage, just stuff), and items I had not been able to pack. Those two where heaven sends. I have to admit, I am a lucky man. That I do not believe in luck other than that which one makes... I will have to revise that last theory. :p
The hotel is quite nice. I have showered, figured out their wireless internet (by myself for the first time), and am about to soak in a jacuzzi. I figured I would need that after this week, and it was only a bit more. Since I paid for it, in I go. I might shower and do it again in the morning, if I can wake by 9:00 or even 10:00. Wish me luck. Oh, there is a huge Cabela's in town. I plan on looking there tomorrow. I am hoping to find two items. If there, I will buy in as much quantity as possible, but I doubt if what I want they will have. Even so, it will be fun to look around. I also need a device which will inflate tires. If Cabela's does not have it, Wal-Mart might. I looked in Coralville, at the Wal-Mart there, but no luck.
Hey kids, it is now 4:23. Between blogging, tending the jacuzzi fill, and a few odds and ends, time has flown. I have 5 to 6 hours to sleep, minus jacuzzi time, so... If you will... Hey, you, get outta here! Shut the door on your way. *smile* I will keep you in my prayers, even if you do pester me for information so wickedly.
.
I have made it to the half-way point, and then some. It is 4:10 am, so I will keep this brief.
The drive was uneventful, barring one time when I needed to finagle the truck and trailer out of the fueling station. I got in well, but getting extricated from the space took some work (and lots of luck). The behemoth manages well at 75 mph. Some of the roads were making me nervous, more on the downside of hills, though some interchanges and bridge work was worrying. I learned how to turn off over-drive, which helped with the hills. There is nothing to do about bad roads. Considering I have never driven anything this big before, let alone towed something and something as big as the Xterra, I have done well so far.
The apartment was completely stripped! Between my lady friend, my neighbor, and another neighbor, no trash was even left. Everything I wanted to take was taken. Everything I wanted packed was packed, if toward the end it was rather random. If it had not been for my long time lady friend and my long term neighbor, much would have been left and the cave would have been filled with boxes, trash (not garbage, just stuff), and items I had not been able to pack. Those two where heaven sends. I have to admit, I am a lucky man. That I do not believe in luck other than that which one makes... I will have to revise that last theory. :p
The hotel is quite nice. I have showered, figured out their wireless internet (by myself for the first time), and am about to soak in a jacuzzi. I figured I would need that after this week, and it was only a bit more. Since I paid for it, in I go. I might shower and do it again in the morning, if I can wake by 9:00 or even 10:00. Wish me luck. Oh, there is a huge Cabela's in town. I plan on looking there tomorrow. I am hoping to find two items. If there, I will buy in as much quantity as possible, but I doubt if what I want they will have. Even so, it will be fun to look around. I also need a device which will inflate tires. If Cabela's does not have it, Wal-Mart might. I looked in Coralville, at the Wal-Mart there, but no luck.
Hey kids, it is now 4:23. Between blogging, tending the jacuzzi fill, and a few odds and ends, time has flown. I have 5 to 6 hours to sleep, minus jacuzzi time, so... If you will... Hey, you, get outta here! Shut the door on your way. *smile* I will keep you in my prayers, even if you do pester me for information so wickedly.
Friday, July 3, 2009
A long few days.
.
.
I was not nearly ready, and even at this time, things are looking grim. At least all of the big things are in the truck, the Xterra is loaded, and just a ton of minor and little things are left for the haul. My lady friend came through, as did my neighbor and several friends of his. It was still too hot when I returned with the rig and SUV in tow, but my neighbor and friends did most of the lifting. After they finished that part I was able to jump into the shower, turn on the a/c, and get my core temp in order. Once that was done, I was able to dig back in.
I bawled like a baby when saying goodbye to my lady friend. We agree on nothing, we do not even think enough alike to disagree properly. I cannot say I ever hate her, though I do worry about her, disagree with just about everything she thinks and how she comes to think those things, and such. It is a weird relationship, but it was one of the things that was precious to me. I have moved, and often enough, that I am pretty sure that is the end. Tears well, the throat tightens, and I hurt even as I write this. But I know it is as it must be. Perhaps she will call from time to time, or write, perhaps email when she gets such. But at the distance and with so little in common, this is an end I believe.
My neighbors will be greatly missed as well. I feel I have been a great burden to them, though, so there is some comfort there. They are busy as a family and professionally. Now they can get on with their serious work, family, and such. They might not feel it, but I feel like it will be better not to have such stresses from a strange neighbor. That goodbye will be very sad, though, too. I will deal with it when it comes. Thankfully, those are the only long term goodbyes I have.
I had best get back to packing. Time is short, work, lots of it, remains, and a very long drive, plus unloading and sorting is left to me. After I am at the apartment, unloaded as I can be there, the rest in storage, and a few food items and amenities assured, I can then lock myself in, bawl to my hearts need, rest as I can, then begin anew. No more fear remains, only bated curiosity and a little hope.
Good night. I will try to blog on the road, well, at the hotels. Both have internet access. It depends upon how exhausted I am though too, especially that first night. Be well.
.
I was not nearly ready, and even at this time, things are looking grim. At least all of the big things are in the truck, the Xterra is loaded, and just a ton of minor and little things are left for the haul. My lady friend came through, as did my neighbor and several friends of his. It was still too hot when I returned with the rig and SUV in tow, but my neighbor and friends did most of the lifting. After they finished that part I was able to jump into the shower, turn on the a/c, and get my core temp in order. Once that was done, I was able to dig back in.
I bawled like a baby when saying goodbye to my lady friend. We agree on nothing, we do not even think enough alike to disagree properly. I cannot say I ever hate her, though I do worry about her, disagree with just about everything she thinks and how she comes to think those things, and such. It is a weird relationship, but it was one of the things that was precious to me. I have moved, and often enough, that I am pretty sure that is the end. Tears well, the throat tightens, and I hurt even as I write this. But I know it is as it must be. Perhaps she will call from time to time, or write, perhaps email when she gets such. But at the distance and with so little in common, this is an end I believe.
My neighbors will be greatly missed as well. I feel I have been a great burden to them, though, so there is some comfort there. They are busy as a family and professionally. Now they can get on with their serious work, family, and such. They might not feel it, but I feel like it will be better not to have such stresses from a strange neighbor. That goodbye will be very sad, though, too. I will deal with it when it comes. Thankfully, those are the only long term goodbyes I have.
I had best get back to packing. Time is short, work, lots of it, remains, and a very long drive, plus unloading and sorting is left to me. After I am at the apartment, unloaded as I can be there, the rest in storage, and a few food items and amenities assured, I can then lock myself in, bawl to my hearts need, rest as I can, then begin anew. No more fear remains, only bated curiosity and a little hope.
Good night. I will try to blog on the road, well, at the hotels. Both have internet access. It depends upon how exhausted I am though too, especially that first night. Be well.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Running around like a fool.
.
.
Oh, the reason I was not posting here or commenting at your place was everything went bad. First, I gave my computer desk to my lady friend, for her new computer, yes, the one I bought her. So, I did not really have a place for the (corrupted anyway) machine, so I bought a new (little) one. Which should have been fine, but my internet dropped. My ISP simply quit working. I was about to call them anyway, to see if I could keep my email addresses after I shut down my home service. Well, they are telling that, a.) no, I cannot keep my email services active and they do not service the city to which I am moving, and b.) my internet is down and they cannot have it repaired earlier than the 3rd! This service that is down, on their end, is saying I never had my modem initiated (I have had this same service and modem for 4 years!) So, being the cleaver monkey I am, I talked with my neighbor to see if I could connect to his wireless modem. No problem he says, and he gets to work. Only, it does not work.
Meanwhile, I am trying to pack, make calls, ensure this and that is being done, and overheating most of the time. I ended up having to go back to Best Buy and have this machine looked at. As I have said, two of the Geeks tag teamed the thing and got it going, though I was not privy as to how to fix it, only that now fixed it is fixed for good. I then purchased a printer, which I had not wanted to do, but ended up needing very badly. It, it seems, is missing a cord, so I need to go back and get a new box, the cord if they have it separately, or something. Nothing is going right on top of time being almost out.
I finally have this thing working, I am blogging again a bit, I still have the printer to take back, 4 packages to send, 1/4 of a house to finish packing, and now medical worries to add to the pile. Talk about a rough week. The good news is that when I get where I am going, I can take a week off (and I am going to) before trying to even get out of bed. When everything is safely in storage, the tow wagon and truck are turned in, and my appartment is in my control with the utilitities turned on, I am going to get half a dozen gallons of bottled good water, two gallons of milk, and some minor food items, shut my door, turn off all sound, get a room a/c if needed and sleep and rest for at least a week. Finals indeed, only add a weight lifting competition and walking marathon in there for good measure, in high Iowa summer.
At least today is cooler. I have internet so I can find a free open access email service, and begin logging things over, and hope I have enough time to finish packing. I spoke to my current landlord, and at least I think I am good there. It has indeed been a rough week, even month. I hope I do not have to throw too much away, due to not being able to pack it all, but at this point, I almost do not care.
Even with all that, I have been praying deeply and strongly each night, and more regularly during the day. I have been needing and taking mid-afternoon naps, and about every other day I send God words of thanks, remind him of people who are in need, and give up my doubts and fears as I am able. I only really ask that He help keep me open to His will, as He has already graced me beyond my due. And, in spite of extreme recent stresses and a severe temptation, I have remained chaste even in my women dreams. If nothing else, God made me stubborn. Ha!
Have a good. I have work to do. Shoo!
.
Oh, the reason I was not posting here or commenting at your place was everything went bad. First, I gave my computer desk to my lady friend, for her new computer, yes, the one I bought her. So, I did not really have a place for the (corrupted anyway) machine, so I bought a new (little) one. Which should have been fine, but my internet dropped. My ISP simply quit working. I was about to call them anyway, to see if I could keep my email addresses after I shut down my home service. Well, they are telling that, a.) no, I cannot keep my email services active and they do not service the city to which I am moving, and b.) my internet is down and they cannot have it repaired earlier than the 3rd! This service that is down, on their end, is saying I never had my modem initiated (I have had this same service and modem for 4 years!) So, being the cleaver monkey I am, I talked with my neighbor to see if I could connect to his wireless modem. No problem he says, and he gets to work. Only, it does not work.
Meanwhile, I am trying to pack, make calls, ensure this and that is being done, and overheating most of the time. I ended up having to go back to Best Buy and have this machine looked at. As I have said, two of the Geeks tag teamed the thing and got it going, though I was not privy as to how to fix it, only that now fixed it is fixed for good. I then purchased a printer, which I had not wanted to do, but ended up needing very badly. It, it seems, is missing a cord, so I need to go back and get a new box, the cord if they have it separately, or something. Nothing is going right on top of time being almost out.
I finally have this thing working, I am blogging again a bit, I still have the printer to take back, 4 packages to send, 1/4 of a house to finish packing, and now medical worries to add to the pile. Talk about a rough week. The good news is that when I get where I am going, I can take a week off (and I am going to) before trying to even get out of bed. When everything is safely in storage, the tow wagon and truck are turned in, and my appartment is in my control with the utilitities turned on, I am going to get half a dozen gallons of bottled good water, two gallons of milk, and some minor food items, shut my door, turn off all sound, get a room a/c if needed and sleep and rest for at least a week. Finals indeed, only add a weight lifting competition and walking marathon in there for good measure, in high Iowa summer.
At least today is cooler. I have internet so I can find a free open access email service, and begin logging things over, and hope I have enough time to finish packing. I spoke to my current landlord, and at least I think I am good there. It has indeed been a rough week, even month. I hope I do not have to throw too much away, due to not being able to pack it all, but at this point, I almost do not care.
Even with all that, I have been praying deeply and strongly each night, and more regularly during the day. I have been needing and taking mid-afternoon naps, and about every other day I send God words of thanks, remind him of people who are in need, and give up my doubts and fears as I am able. I only really ask that He help keep me open to His will, as He has already graced me beyond my due. And, in spite of extreme recent stresses and a severe temptation, I have remained chaste even in my women dreams. If nothing else, God made me stubborn. Ha!
Have a good. I have work to do. Shoo!
Wine is fine but whisky is quicker?
.
.
Yes, it is true. Most races are won by superior fire power. Bigger muscles, greater endurance, quicker responses, more potent product, whether the race is to the top, bottom, or end. When all else is equal, even a single greater quality can win the day heartily. I thought high blood pressure was my beer. Then I got diabetes. Ah, I thought, my whiskey! What may be now must then be called my heroine or meth, as per Ozzy's song.
I had been sore at a particular point on my body, a delicate place. I have been so busy or too tired to think about it. This morning, while I was waking up, it was bothering me again, so I investigated it consciously. It is not good. Between my torso and thigh, on the seem between the two, is a sore spot. Initially I did not pay it much attention. And, for the last week, or two is it now?, I ignored it, too busy to think, too tired when I had the time to consider it more. It is larger, now, by much, perhaps the size of a small grape. Half of it is inside my body, half of it is outside, and it is sore.
I know what this probably is. And, I will go the the VA when I get moved. They will probably want to do a biopsy. Fat chance. If they can figure it out without cutting, good. Otherwise, no dice. I suppose I just want to know what type of cancer it might be, what to look for, and to try and get an idea of how long I might have. I will not seek any more than painkillers if it is cancer. From what I have seen, asking the medical community for help on this is like giving a monkey an arch welder, a screw driver, and a wrench, and shoving it in the engine compartment. Many, especially men, die just as quickly, twice as painfully, with few original functional parts, and without hair. Who even knows how many parts they would cut off before deciding the experiment should be allowed to die. Too creepy.
Yes, I am worried. Yes, I would rather live, on the whole. No, being a medical experiment just does not do it for me. This is not how I saw the thing going down. And, who knows. Maybe it is a zit that got lost. Maybe I have just bucked the system and have become such a menche that I need a third one, so God planted the seed and I am on my way to being the father to 70. I guess things are just on hold, except the move, for a while. I just hope I can live on my own until the end. I hope I can get what groceries I might need delivered. I do not want to live with anyone or be in the hospital if this is cancer.
I do not mind dying. I have sorted it all out, spiritually, even physically. But I had been pulling for high blood pressure for a massive heart attack or stroke, while living alone. Or perhaps a diabetic coma from which I never regain consciousness. But this is going to hurt. That is the only thing I know for sure about cancer. And, at some point, the pain medicine will not work. I may, actually, need to give up my guns before they really do need to pry them from my cold dead fingers. I know how tempting that could be and I just do not want to fail now, after having survived two suicides and figuring out how to change my life away from that.
Yeah, go ahead, cheer. Some of you must be tickled pink. I cannot blame you. Even I know a rat bastard when I see one, even in the mirror. It could not happen to a nicer guy.
Back to packing. Have a good day.
.
Yes, it is true. Most races are won by superior fire power. Bigger muscles, greater endurance, quicker responses, more potent product, whether the race is to the top, bottom, or end. When all else is equal, even a single greater quality can win the day heartily. I thought high blood pressure was my beer. Then I got diabetes. Ah, I thought, my whiskey! What may be now must then be called my heroine or meth, as per Ozzy's song.
I had been sore at a particular point on my body, a delicate place. I have been so busy or too tired to think about it. This morning, while I was waking up, it was bothering me again, so I investigated it consciously. It is not good. Between my torso and thigh, on the seem between the two, is a sore spot. Initially I did not pay it much attention. And, for the last week, or two is it now?, I ignored it, too busy to think, too tired when I had the time to consider it more. It is larger, now, by much, perhaps the size of a small grape. Half of it is inside my body, half of it is outside, and it is sore.
I know what this probably is. And, I will go the the VA when I get moved. They will probably want to do a biopsy. Fat chance. If they can figure it out without cutting, good. Otherwise, no dice. I suppose I just want to know what type of cancer it might be, what to look for, and to try and get an idea of how long I might have. I will not seek any more than painkillers if it is cancer. From what I have seen, asking the medical community for help on this is like giving a monkey an arch welder, a screw driver, and a wrench, and shoving it in the engine compartment. Many, especially men, die just as quickly, twice as painfully, with few original functional parts, and without hair. Who even knows how many parts they would cut off before deciding the experiment should be allowed to die. Too creepy.
Yes, I am worried. Yes, I would rather live, on the whole. No, being a medical experiment just does not do it for me. This is not how I saw the thing going down. And, who knows. Maybe it is a zit that got lost. Maybe I have just bucked the system and have become such a menche that I need a third one, so God planted the seed and I am on my way to being the father to 70. I guess things are just on hold, except the move, for a while. I just hope I can live on my own until the end. I hope I can get what groceries I might need delivered. I do not want to live with anyone or be in the hospital if this is cancer.
I do not mind dying. I have sorted it all out, spiritually, even physically. But I had been pulling for high blood pressure for a massive heart attack or stroke, while living alone. Or perhaps a diabetic coma from which I never regain consciousness. But this is going to hurt. That is the only thing I know for sure about cancer. And, at some point, the pain medicine will not work. I may, actually, need to give up my guns before they really do need to pry them from my cold dead fingers. I know how tempting that could be and I just do not want to fail now, after having survived two suicides and figuring out how to change my life away from that.
Yeah, go ahead, cheer. Some of you must be tickled pink. I cannot blame you. Even I know a rat bastard when I see one, even in the mirror. It could not happen to a nicer guy.
Back to packing. Have a good day.
The new toy.
.
.
I am trying the new machine. It is a Toshiba nb200. Beyond having the biggest keyboard among micros or notebooks, the longest (?) battery life, and some other good features, it just felt right. Plus, I no longer trust HP and Dell spent my trust in them on their prejudice against guns (long story, but if you want to know, ask). There were other reasons I went with Toshiba over Asus, though I honestly think for the types of applications I am interested in for this machine, all of them would have worked. I can take this into the field, and write there, to send later or perhaps, to send with certain other electronic toys I am also considering.
Actually, this machine is not just for the field. I believe I will be using it for my email, online business, and internet browsing. The old machine will simply become an offline gaming rig for all of the games I have. I suppose I will just have to quit playing the online games. They are easy to steal anyway, and with a compromised desktop, I kept losing access or had aspects of those games compromised. That is so not fun that even the free games became more of an annoyance than anything.
I also think, when I can figure it out, I will change this to a dual boot OS, and then switch to using one of the Linux platforms. Which one I cannot be sure. I have some belief that Linux is more secure, and that can be tightened, for free, even then. I am not sure if I can learn C++ or some of the other programming languages on this, but that would be good. Without a DVD player, everything I put on this will need to be added via the internet, unless I wish to shell out for a external DVD R/RW, etc. Perhaps in time.
Okay, I admit it. This whole post was just to see if I could get used to the keyboard. To be honest, even with paws the size of bear paws, I am having no real problems with this. What I am finding a problem, however, is the heat. This thing is all but glowing. As someone who is heat sensitive, this could end up being a problem. There are devices that will help. And, really, in the winter, this thing could be a great hand warmer. But in the heat of summer, this will not be a favorable aspect. Time will tell. If need be, I have 30 days to accept or take this machine back. But I will only be here, probably for a little more than a week more, so… I will need to know by then. Though, there are Best Buys everywhere. Decisions, short timing it, and all that is getting rather old. I NEED TO LEAVE!!!
Good night.
Update: That post was from when I first purchased the machine. Since then, I have had no real problems with the heat, and the battery does seem fairly long lasting, if I have not timed it. My internet quit, and I had difficulty using my neighbors internet. I took the machine in and after a tagteam effort by two of the Geek Squad at Best Buy spent five minutes on it, they solved the problem. When I got it home, I was able to use it and reconfigure some things even though I have never done this before.
Since I gave away my computer desk and my own internet is down anyway, and add in that I cannot use my old email addresses once I turn in my modem and end my household service, I really need this machine to use the local wireless to get all of my email address connections fixed before I shut down the system. Go figure. All this in the middle of the mad dash to finish packing. I am doing okay, but I keep tripping over seeming isolated events which end up causing problems. Printer without cord, this system having something deep inside which would not allow IP addresses to be randomized (or even changed), ISP outage, and the list goes on. A few more days and one way or another I will be finished with this damned fool and evil place.
Well, now I really must sleep. Good night!
.
I am trying the new machine. It is a Toshiba nb200. Beyond having the biggest keyboard among micros or notebooks, the longest (?) battery life, and some other good features, it just felt right. Plus, I no longer trust HP and Dell spent my trust in them on their prejudice against guns (long story, but if you want to know, ask). There were other reasons I went with Toshiba over Asus, though I honestly think for the types of applications I am interested in for this machine, all of them would have worked. I can take this into the field, and write there, to send later or perhaps, to send with certain other electronic toys I am also considering.
Actually, this machine is not just for the field. I believe I will be using it for my email, online business, and internet browsing. The old machine will simply become an offline gaming rig for all of the games I have. I suppose I will just have to quit playing the online games. They are easy to steal anyway, and with a compromised desktop, I kept losing access or had aspects of those games compromised. That is so not fun that even the free games became more of an annoyance than anything.
I also think, when I can figure it out, I will change this to a dual boot OS, and then switch to using one of the Linux platforms. Which one I cannot be sure. I have some belief that Linux is more secure, and that can be tightened, for free, even then. I am not sure if I can learn C++ or some of the other programming languages on this, but that would be good. Without a DVD player, everything I put on this will need to be added via the internet, unless I wish to shell out for a external DVD R/RW, etc. Perhaps in time.
Okay, I admit it. This whole post was just to see if I could get used to the keyboard. To be honest, even with paws the size of bear paws, I am having no real problems with this. What I am finding a problem, however, is the heat. This thing is all but glowing. As someone who is heat sensitive, this could end up being a problem. There are devices that will help. And, really, in the winter, this thing could be a great hand warmer. But in the heat of summer, this will not be a favorable aspect. Time will tell. If need be, I have 30 days to accept or take this machine back. But I will only be here, probably for a little more than a week more, so… I will need to know by then. Though, there are Best Buys everywhere. Decisions, short timing it, and all that is getting rather old. I NEED TO LEAVE!!!
Good night.
Update: That post was from when I first purchased the machine. Since then, I have had no real problems with the heat, and the battery does seem fairly long lasting, if I have not timed it. My internet quit, and I had difficulty using my neighbors internet. I took the machine in and after a tagteam effort by two of the Geek Squad at Best Buy spent five minutes on it, they solved the problem. When I got it home, I was able to use it and reconfigure some things even though I have never done this before.
Since I gave away my computer desk and my own internet is down anyway, and add in that I cannot use my old email addresses once I turn in my modem and end my household service, I really need this machine to use the local wireless to get all of my email address connections fixed before I shut down the system. Go figure. All this in the middle of the mad dash to finish packing. I am doing okay, but I keep tripping over seeming isolated events which end up causing problems. Printer without cord, this system having something deep inside which would not allow IP addresses to be randomized (or even changed), ISP outage, and the list goes on. A few more days and one way or another I will be finished with this damned fool and evil place.
Well, now I really must sleep. Good night!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sleep was sweet.
.
.
Imagine that, a night without dreams, without pain, which was also a decent length and resting. I only get those occasionally. If I dreamed, and I think I did, it was just a normal decent dream. I did not wake up shaking or tired or stirred from whatever it was I saw on the big Eyelid Screen. I woke like clockwork, without an alarm, and rested. Talk about a dream sleep, that was it. I am not sure if nightly long prayers have anything to do with last night though I doubt if they could hurt my rest. My ribs no longer bother me at all, now, finally. Life is really good on mornings like these.
I have not heard from my lady friend yet. But that is good. It gives me some time to wake up before having company. I am hoping to get some cleaning done and a shower before she arrives. It is usually good to see her after she canoes. She regains health, mental balance, and quiet surety from such events. I will miss her when I go, even if she is a part of here. I almost think she might miss me, but more for the washer and dryer and sick calls. Cats!
I am looking forward to brunch though! I have been eating out, if fast food passes for that, to avoid needing to cook and clean as much recently. And, pretty soon, I will have no choice. The kitchen needs to be packed away. So a decent meal sounds good to me. I am not sure if the invitation includes the bill, that is often her way. Either that or she begs because her invitation was offered when she was flush and that has changed. Once in a while though, she actually carries through. I am not terribly hungry, but good food will change that.
I best take my shower and begin some cleaning.
.
Imagine that, a night without dreams, without pain, which was also a decent length and resting. I only get those occasionally. If I dreamed, and I think I did, it was just a normal decent dream. I did not wake up shaking or tired or stirred from whatever it was I saw on the big Eyelid Screen. I woke like clockwork, without an alarm, and rested. Talk about a dream sleep, that was it. I am not sure if nightly long prayers have anything to do with last night though I doubt if they could hurt my rest. My ribs no longer bother me at all, now, finally. Life is really good on mornings like these.
I have not heard from my lady friend yet. But that is good. It gives me some time to wake up before having company. I am hoping to get some cleaning done and a shower before she arrives. It is usually good to see her after she canoes. She regains health, mental balance, and quiet surety from such events. I will miss her when I go, even if she is a part of here. I almost think she might miss me, but more for the washer and dryer and sick calls. Cats!
I am looking forward to brunch though! I have been eating out, if fast food passes for that, to avoid needing to cook and clean as much recently. And, pretty soon, I will have no choice. The kitchen needs to be packed away. So a decent meal sounds good to me. I am not sure if the invitation includes the bill, that is often her way. Either that or she begs because her invitation was offered when she was flush and that has changed. Once in a while though, she actually carries through. I am not terribly hungry, but good food will change that.
I best take my shower and begin some cleaning.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
More done, and some thoughts.
.
.
Bit by bit, even on the weekend, I am able to do some of the last business I have to do. I have reserved a place for the way to my destination and I have set the wheels in motion to have a crew here to load the truck on the day I get it so that I will be ready to leave the following morning. Packing is going slow but sure. I am focusing and tracking well. The fear and worry leading up to things, I must assume, are natural. Even if it does not look like it will come together, it does. This reminds me of the weeks leading up to finals. Perfection is not to be had but perfection is not needed. And yet, I think unless I have a heart attack or stroke in the next week, I will have it all done, and well done. I suppose I am supposed to sweat things. That sweating lets me physically and mentally know I really need to get busy. The result is that things get done.
I was thinking about fighting, after reading one of my usual suspect blogs. It has been a decade since I have been in a fight. And, it had been a decade since the fight between the last one and the one before it. I wonder how much I have lost? I wondered that, too, before the last fight. I had thought I had lost it all. In the last fight, the guy hit me from behind, in the head, about three times, and he was very angry. It did not phase me. And, to be honest, when I went for him I was trying to not murderate him, consciously, and seriously. In three hits, I put him in the hospital for a week and a half. He would have fallen to the pavement if I had not caught and held him until his friend showed up and took over (and yeah, I was making sure his friend was not going to start something himself). They brought an ambulance and all. The cops knew me, and knew I avoided such involvements (I was a bouncer). I told them what happened and with witnesses, that was that, I never heard another word about it legally or socially.
I have to admit, fighting is always on my mind. I see threats, dangers, and the means of avoiding or putting those down. I generally do not need to fight dirty, but I have been in enough bad situations that I certainly know how to fight mean and I have zero worry about doing so if needed. For the most part, being in the land of milk and honey, I do not go for the kill unless faced with a lethal threat, and never have here. But, at least in my mind, I have absolutely no doubt that I have the will and the way to kill. My preferred fighting method is avoidance, these days. I will rarely just turn my back on a threat though, walking away is not done in a prone position. There are too many punks out there, of all ages. The only reason I turned my back on the last threat was he was walking away when I turned and I wanted to find out what the whole deal was about, or actually, I was sloppy.
I am weaker though, older, slower, and out of practice. I will never know how much I have left unless I fight. I have some hope I never have the need to find out again. I like leading a peaceful life. I know I still have that blood lust though. It will be there forever. I look for the threat, the enemy, the thief, and the killer. Sometimes I see them, but I see they are not for me. Sometimes I see serious ones, professionals. They almost smell different. They are unique, like combat soldiers, snipers who have been blooded, and such, but different from even these. I have even considered such an occupation, or vigalanteism. But I did not feel the call and the other, perhaps better, side of me disuaded me. The call I was hearing, as well, pulled me to a different place. However, I feel too, that God has asked me to keep what of that I can. Whether to have it in reserve or whether He will have me use it, I cannot know. That I can still see is a bit of a comfort. As I said though, I am not sure how good I still am.
I have been in many fights, fist fights. I have knocked at least 4 people out cold, I have broken more noses than I can remember, and I have been in fights where there have been 3, 4, and even 7 opponents. I learned how to level the playing field, how to hurt people quickly, and more. That was my youth. As an adult, who knows. My memories are confused. I am pretty sure I got better, or worse, depending on how you look at it. I lost the passion while in the situation. Now, it is just business. I do not get angry, I try to think tactically, and I look for the inside and opportunity. As far as I know, I have had no training. Well, believable training. Maybe my way is the natural course for a decade and a half of street fighting.
I just needed to get that off my mind. Now I can get back to thinking about the last bit of work or, more, doing the last bit of work. These little blog breaks are great though, for a thousand reasons. Oh, my lady friend returned from her trip. It seems she is planning to take me out for brunch tomorrow. She needs to do laundry, but I think that was a secondary consideration. I have a little gift for her too, something, I had promised long ago. I think she will be pleased. I know I will have my last promise to her taken care of, other than that I will pray she finds her way. And that I will be just a phone call away. I doubt if she will ever visit, for good or ill, but even that for a short term is open.
Doh! Back to it.
.
Bit by bit, even on the weekend, I am able to do some of the last business I have to do. I have reserved a place for the way to my destination and I have set the wheels in motion to have a crew here to load the truck on the day I get it so that I will be ready to leave the following morning. Packing is going slow but sure. I am focusing and tracking well. The fear and worry leading up to things, I must assume, are natural. Even if it does not look like it will come together, it does. This reminds me of the weeks leading up to finals. Perfection is not to be had but perfection is not needed. And yet, I think unless I have a heart attack or stroke in the next week, I will have it all done, and well done. I suppose I am supposed to sweat things. That sweating lets me physically and mentally know I really need to get busy. The result is that things get done.
I was thinking about fighting, after reading one of my usual suspect blogs. It has been a decade since I have been in a fight. And, it had been a decade since the fight between the last one and the one before it. I wonder how much I have lost? I wondered that, too, before the last fight. I had thought I had lost it all. In the last fight, the guy hit me from behind, in the head, about three times, and he was very angry. It did not phase me. And, to be honest, when I went for him I was trying to not murderate him, consciously, and seriously. In three hits, I put him in the hospital for a week and a half. He would have fallen to the pavement if I had not caught and held him until his friend showed up and took over (and yeah, I was making sure his friend was not going to start something himself). They brought an ambulance and all. The cops knew me, and knew I avoided such involvements (I was a bouncer). I told them what happened and with witnesses, that was that, I never heard another word about it legally or socially.
I have to admit, fighting is always on my mind. I see threats, dangers, and the means of avoiding or putting those down. I generally do not need to fight dirty, but I have been in enough bad situations that I certainly know how to fight mean and I have zero worry about doing so if needed. For the most part, being in the land of milk and honey, I do not go for the kill unless faced with a lethal threat, and never have here. But, at least in my mind, I have absolutely no doubt that I have the will and the way to kill. My preferred fighting method is avoidance, these days. I will rarely just turn my back on a threat though, walking away is not done in a prone position. There are too many punks out there, of all ages. The only reason I turned my back on the last threat was he was walking away when I turned and I wanted to find out what the whole deal was about, or actually, I was sloppy.
I am weaker though, older, slower, and out of practice. I will never know how much I have left unless I fight. I have some hope I never have the need to find out again. I like leading a peaceful life. I know I still have that blood lust though. It will be there forever. I look for the threat, the enemy, the thief, and the killer. Sometimes I see them, but I see they are not for me. Sometimes I see serious ones, professionals. They almost smell different. They are unique, like combat soldiers, snipers who have been blooded, and such, but different from even these. I have even considered such an occupation, or vigalanteism. But I did not feel the call and the other, perhaps better, side of me disuaded me. The call I was hearing, as well, pulled me to a different place. However, I feel too, that God has asked me to keep what of that I can. Whether to have it in reserve or whether He will have me use it, I cannot know. That I can still see is a bit of a comfort. As I said though, I am not sure how good I still am.
I have been in many fights, fist fights. I have knocked at least 4 people out cold, I have broken more noses than I can remember, and I have been in fights where there have been 3, 4, and even 7 opponents. I learned how to level the playing field, how to hurt people quickly, and more. That was my youth. As an adult, who knows. My memories are confused. I am pretty sure I got better, or worse, depending on how you look at it. I lost the passion while in the situation. Now, it is just business. I do not get angry, I try to think tactically, and I look for the inside and opportunity. As far as I know, I have had no training. Well, believable training. Maybe my way is the natural course for a decade and a half of street fighting.
I just needed to get that off my mind. Now I can get back to thinking about the last bit of work or, more, doing the last bit of work. These little blog breaks are great though, for a thousand reasons. Oh, my lady friend returned from her trip. It seems she is planning to take me out for brunch tomorrow. She needs to do laundry, but I think that was a secondary consideration. I have a little gift for her too, something, I had promised long ago. I think she will be pleased. I know I will have my last promise to her taken care of, other than that I will pray she finds her way. And that I will be just a phone call away. I doubt if she will ever visit, for good or ill, but even that for a short term is open.
Doh! Back to it.
Self control, with a little help from a Friend.
.
.
I realize, as I am putting my life and self into order, that the rest of life seems to fall into line. As I am learning to control my lust, I find that women seem to naturally find their place in our dealings rather than trying to create a place. As I am learning to control greed, fear, and other emotions and notions, my needs are more easily met, my money even when some of it gets stolen, lasts longer and fits my needs more fully and then my wants are easier to prioritize and facilitate. It really is up to me, as an individual, to put my life in order so that life makes sense. The government cannot help. The church may be used as a tool in a general way, and sometimes specifically. And friends and family have their places too. But those are more like seasoning to a meal. Either the meal holds up, plates, and is happily consumed on it's own, or the dish fails regardless of what has been added to it.
I did research the USU (Utah State University) last night while not sleeping. To be honest, it looks much like the UoI. Academically, socially, egalitarian and all. I am thinking about things, and this is one of them. I am not sure I would be ready to begin this fall, or ever. But living so close to a new chance would allow me to peak in and see if I could handle going. Living in the area a bit, I could easily find out if the environment is as hostile to my beliefs, adding to the difficulty of the course work, or not hostile and lending some solace to my intellectual sojourn. I am not sure whether this is even where I will settle down in the first place. Then again, I am a man of questions. And a man of hope, if it does not always show.
They do have electrical engineering, but they also have the usual roundup of engineering offerings, to include aeronautical engineering, something I am somewhat unfamiliar with. It seems as if aeronautical engineering is a slice from mechanical engineering. I know, if nothing else, should I decide to go back to school, I would like to re-evaluate my major. I have done little in the way of electrical engineering core. I have done just about everything but that, to include some of my senior options. Why, I cannot say. It seems that what was available and how I was being guided gave me everything but what I was going into, for course work. I think the only things I would need to get other than core are physics II and an upper level economics course. The rest is simply core.
I will be keeping some things available when I go. I have some materials which have helped me freshen up my physics, calculus, and general lower math skills quickly and easily. Those will be kept with the clothes I am taking to the apartment. As well, and depending on the size of the place, I may be taking my weights and abdominal machine. I think my computers will work for viewing the DVD portions of my refresher courses. I do not want a television, DVD player, VHS, and probably not even an internet connection. I would guess, in a college town, I can use hotspots to browse, blog if I want (and more privately), and use my email accounts. I want the cave to be barren, with three provisios. I would like to at least have a microwave oven and refrigerator of some type and I will need air conditioning of some sort. The rest will be as spartan and utilitarian as possible. I even hope the bed is lumpy, so long as it is clean.
While looking at the University web pages, I also looked at what the school offers for both students and the public. They have a decent swimming pool, several clubs I would be interested in from climbing, hiking, backpacking, canoeing/kayaking, to snow skiing and shooting. If I end up back in school or not, I think many of these things would still be somewhat available to me, if at a slightly higher cost. All of the offering are reasonable, even at the higher cost. Going out cross country or telimarx skiing, for the first time, with people who know what they are doing, would be worth any extra money. I would also guess, as I get there and look around, I will find other sources for groups, learning, and activity.
In the end, however, it comes down to me. I have to place calls, meet people, pay fees, and ultimately get off my butt and go do. I think the world according to me comes down to that. I am not sure I can do it, but the world, there, most likely, truly is my oyster in a bay full of easy to get oyster. All I have to do is wade in, wade out, and if I am picky, add my own salt and lemon or lime. I think this is my final chance at whatever I decide or can do. And, I will either learn to live there or I will die there. I like that, too. In 3 to 6 months I will know what is to be my fate.
Well, back to work. I think I have some gumption and I will use it. Be well, have a good day, and may you find something, many things, to be grateful to have, know, hold, or look forward to in your real or even imagined future. I worry, though I should not worry, about you too. Every one of you. Good day.
.
I realize, as I am putting my life and self into order, that the rest of life seems to fall into line. As I am learning to control my lust, I find that women seem to naturally find their place in our dealings rather than trying to create a place. As I am learning to control greed, fear, and other emotions and notions, my needs are more easily met, my money even when some of it gets stolen, lasts longer and fits my needs more fully and then my wants are easier to prioritize and facilitate. It really is up to me, as an individual, to put my life in order so that life makes sense. The government cannot help. The church may be used as a tool in a general way, and sometimes specifically. And friends and family have their places too. But those are more like seasoning to a meal. Either the meal holds up, plates, and is happily consumed on it's own, or the dish fails regardless of what has been added to it.
I did research the USU (Utah State University) last night while not sleeping. To be honest, it looks much like the UoI. Academically, socially, egalitarian and all. I am thinking about things, and this is one of them. I am not sure I would be ready to begin this fall, or ever. But living so close to a new chance would allow me to peak in and see if I could handle going. Living in the area a bit, I could easily find out if the environment is as hostile to my beliefs, adding to the difficulty of the course work, or not hostile and lending some solace to my intellectual sojourn. I am not sure whether this is even where I will settle down in the first place. Then again, I am a man of questions. And a man of hope, if it does not always show.
They do have electrical engineering, but they also have the usual roundup of engineering offerings, to include aeronautical engineering, something I am somewhat unfamiliar with. It seems as if aeronautical engineering is a slice from mechanical engineering. I know, if nothing else, should I decide to go back to school, I would like to re-evaluate my major. I have done little in the way of electrical engineering core. I have done just about everything but that, to include some of my senior options. Why, I cannot say. It seems that what was available and how I was being guided gave me everything but what I was going into, for course work. I think the only things I would need to get other than core are physics II and an upper level economics course. The rest is simply core.
I will be keeping some things available when I go. I have some materials which have helped me freshen up my physics, calculus, and general lower math skills quickly and easily. Those will be kept with the clothes I am taking to the apartment. As well, and depending on the size of the place, I may be taking my weights and abdominal machine. I think my computers will work for viewing the DVD portions of my refresher courses. I do not want a television, DVD player, VHS, and probably not even an internet connection. I would guess, in a college town, I can use hotspots to browse, blog if I want (and more privately), and use my email accounts. I want the cave to be barren, with three provisios. I would like to at least have a microwave oven and refrigerator of some type and I will need air conditioning of some sort. The rest will be as spartan and utilitarian as possible. I even hope the bed is lumpy, so long as it is clean.
While looking at the University web pages, I also looked at what the school offers for both students and the public. They have a decent swimming pool, several clubs I would be interested in from climbing, hiking, backpacking, canoeing/kayaking, to snow skiing and shooting. If I end up back in school or not, I think many of these things would still be somewhat available to me, if at a slightly higher cost. All of the offering are reasonable, even at the higher cost. Going out cross country or telimarx skiing, for the first time, with people who know what they are doing, would be worth any extra money. I would also guess, as I get there and look around, I will find other sources for groups, learning, and activity.
In the end, however, it comes down to me. I have to place calls, meet people, pay fees, and ultimately get off my butt and go do. I think the world according to me comes down to that. I am not sure I can do it, but the world, there, most likely, truly is my oyster in a bay full of easy to get oyster. All I have to do is wade in, wade out, and if I am picky, add my own salt and lemon or lime. I think this is my final chance at whatever I decide or can do. And, I will either learn to live there or I will die there. I like that, too. In 3 to 6 months I will know what is to be my fate.
Well, back to work. I think I have some gumption and I will use it. Be well, have a good day, and may you find something, many things, to be grateful to have, know, hold, or look forward to in your real or even imagined future. I worry, though I should not worry, about you too. Every one of you. Good day.
Some rest was had after all.
.
.
After waking early and not being able to sleep, I finally was able to go back to bed and sleep well. I dreamed in that second sleep. I dreamed that almost all of the world, church people and not, understood that God was not a real being. In the dream, they had no real reason not to believe, they just chose not to for the most part. Those who went to church merely did it as a social club, literally and knowingly. The more elaborate, for Catholics, the better. Church for them was fun with all the imagery, chants, prayers, and kneeling. And then there were me and a few others who actually believe. We were seen as quaint, and put up with to a degree. Though they did not really laugh at us, they did wait somewhat impatiently for us to 'get with the program' and just start having some fun. If anything, they thought we were sad little beings, constrained for no reason.
Of course, as a character in the dream, I did not know this. I only knew it from outside my character yet within the dream. In the dream, those of us who believe in God, the bible, Christ, and the Holy spirit, along with the trinity or whatever faith we followed, were just sort of kept out of the loop. We were not really welcome to be part of the main groups. We were considered like children, developmentally flawed children. It is difficult to say how far into the church it went, but certainly it was true for most laity, some clerics, and perhaps into the higher ranks to some degree. I was not able to see farther than fairly local. Perhaps the higher orders were considered like me. I just could not tell from the dream.
Though I think the dream is a bit extreme, I do think this is a reasonably large part of the church. By the recent election, I can see that the pope and my beliefs are not predominant. We are at best a weak minority in the American Catholic church laity. The dream did not bother me, as I already understand this as such. I just wrote about something like that before resting the second time. Well, I should say, it does bother me but it is not a new or more severe troubling notion. On the good side, my ribs are almost back to normal. Pain from them is down to a 3 or 4, and falling. I no longer need to take Tylenol or ibuprofen in order to sleep! I hate choking down pills, for any reason, anyway.
My nightly prayers are ongoing. I continue to pray for those in and out of my circle, to give thanks, to open my life to Christ again each night, to ask forgiveness and the wisdom to forgive as well, for His will, and once in a while I remind God that a good wife, and then children, would be a gift greater than any other gift. I ask for the strength, foresight, and wisdom to carry out His will, whatever it may be. And, I try to turn over my worries and doubts. These, as I see it, are failings in my faith, and sins if put more succinctly. If I have not formalized my prayers yet, that is on the way. Sometimes, I pray if I wake up and am having troubles falling asleep. I do not ask for assistance in sleeping, I just pray again.
I need to get to packing. I really have not been getting done what needs to be done. Lack of energy, over heating, other tasks, uncertainty in the planning process, and exhaustion have all played a part. But now, with the truck on hold, a place to move into, and time drawing nigh, I best get off it and and get on it, if you know what I mean. And I have one less day with tomorrow being used to do things for my lady friend.
Have a good day. Oh, and why not go out and have a root beer ice cream float, ice cream sundae, or banana split? Gee, it is a Saturday, it is summer, and even if we are no longer kids, are we ever not kids sometimes? :p Race ya!?!
.
After waking early and not being able to sleep, I finally was able to go back to bed and sleep well. I dreamed in that second sleep. I dreamed that almost all of the world, church people and not, understood that God was not a real being. In the dream, they had no real reason not to believe, they just chose not to for the most part. Those who went to church merely did it as a social club, literally and knowingly. The more elaborate, for Catholics, the better. Church for them was fun with all the imagery, chants, prayers, and kneeling. And then there were me and a few others who actually believe. We were seen as quaint, and put up with to a degree. Though they did not really laugh at us, they did wait somewhat impatiently for us to 'get with the program' and just start having some fun. If anything, they thought we were sad little beings, constrained for no reason.
Of course, as a character in the dream, I did not know this. I only knew it from outside my character yet within the dream. In the dream, those of us who believe in God, the bible, Christ, and the Holy spirit, along with the trinity or whatever faith we followed, were just sort of kept out of the loop. We were not really welcome to be part of the main groups. We were considered like children, developmentally flawed children. It is difficult to say how far into the church it went, but certainly it was true for most laity, some clerics, and perhaps into the higher ranks to some degree. I was not able to see farther than fairly local. Perhaps the higher orders were considered like me. I just could not tell from the dream.
Though I think the dream is a bit extreme, I do think this is a reasonably large part of the church. By the recent election, I can see that the pope and my beliefs are not predominant. We are at best a weak minority in the American Catholic church laity. The dream did not bother me, as I already understand this as such. I just wrote about something like that before resting the second time. Well, I should say, it does bother me but it is not a new or more severe troubling notion. On the good side, my ribs are almost back to normal. Pain from them is down to a 3 or 4, and falling. I no longer need to take Tylenol or ibuprofen in order to sleep! I hate choking down pills, for any reason, anyway.
My nightly prayers are ongoing. I continue to pray for those in and out of my circle, to give thanks, to open my life to Christ again each night, to ask forgiveness and the wisdom to forgive as well, for His will, and once in a while I remind God that a good wife, and then children, would be a gift greater than any other gift. I ask for the strength, foresight, and wisdom to carry out His will, whatever it may be. And, I try to turn over my worries and doubts. These, as I see it, are failings in my faith, and sins if put more succinctly. If I have not formalized my prayers yet, that is on the way. Sometimes, I pray if I wake up and am having troubles falling asleep. I do not ask for assistance in sleeping, I just pray again.
I need to get to packing. I really have not been getting done what needs to be done. Lack of energy, over heating, other tasks, uncertainty in the planning process, and exhaustion have all played a part. But now, with the truck on hold, a place to move into, and time drawing nigh, I best get off it and and get on it, if you know what I mean. And I have one less day with tomorrow being used to do things for my lady friend.
Have a good day. Oh, and why not go out and have a root beer ice cream float, ice cream sundae, or banana split? Gee, it is a Saturday, it is summer, and even if we are no longer kids, are we ever not kids sometimes? :p Race ya!?!
Sleep, or the lack of it.
.
.
I did get some sleep. After needing to go to the bathroom for the umpteenth time, as much out of boredom or more than of actual need, and finally just giving up on being able to sleep or fall asleep again, I decided to get up for a bit. Perhaps I can sleep in a while. I admit to not being fully awake, so I will try to not say too much. When I do, I usually step on toes and seem to neither care if I do seem to know, and yet I really do care. Those partial dream posts get me in almost as much trouble as when I used to drink and post. Perhaps when I move I really should give up blogging.
I have been drinking a lot of fluid lately, though no alcohol (which I have pretty much given up, mostly). I would put it at 5 quarts of water or more, 4 sodas or more, and another quart or two of whole milk a day. And, I seem hooked on drinking and needing to pee. I had best cut back on the sugar, I think, again. I thought it might help me work, packing and such, but it has not been helping. It might be allowing me to stay awake though, but that is only moderately useful. I would bet my diabetes is out of control again. I have a lot of work to do, and am not sure how I am going to get it all done. I have a day shy of a week to finish and have the moving truck packed. Oh, and hot, I have been very hot. With the central air set at 66, and with a fan, I am still a bit warm. My hands would melt chocolate at as soon as I touch it.
Not sure what I am blogging about anymore these days. I think mostly I am trying to get my tasks in order, bring some order to my mind on what I must do, and griping about things that cross my path which I feel the need or want to gripe about. Though too, as I am taking steps in my faith, I do try to add those. I suppose with every pile of dirt, there ought to at least be the potential for diamonds. If this pile of dross has any such things, I truly hope that last is it.
I realize that much of my faith matters is seen, by the world at large, as between foolish and laughable. Believing in God, believing that the belief and further faith means I should do anything in real life regarding God and my faith, and certainly celibacy. Even if I was not conservative, this alone might well put me on the neo-national terrorist list. God forbid I might speak about such things or that someone might here them and believe there is such a thing as responsibility, accountability, or anything else coexisting with rights and freedoms. Or that I believe those rights and freedoms are God given, so irrelevant to man's laws to some degree. Yes, I know, I am way out there.
I, of course, and now, would not change that for the world. There is not enough gold to buy me off, there are no easy women who could set me off, and there is not a thing that could pull me off, if I do stray on my own. When I stray, I soon find myself in the wrong side of town and do my level best to figure out where I am, where I should be, how to get there, and what price must be paid for straying and pay the fine. Better to pay here than there. And, fine, I will admit I am often lost. I probably will be until the day I die, since I am a curious sort and I prefer to travel, one way or the other, rather than just hunkering down.
I may investigate college where I am going a bit more closely. I thought not attending school this last term would end my relationship with the VA, but they recently sent me a letter asking for an appointment. The date for the suggested meeting is after I am gone, so I may ask that they send my case to where I am going and where I might find a fresh start. If the situation is as difficult there as it is here, I may still go to college, but from now on with my own money. I have not looked at the programs there, let alone put in an application. Considering I will have plenty of time on my hands, it might not be a horrible thing to do. Hmm, since I cannot sleep anyway, and while my mind is on it, I might just go look at what that school offers. A switch to mechanical or aeronautical engineering may be required, who knows.
*poof*
.
I did get some sleep. After needing to go to the bathroom for the umpteenth time, as much out of boredom or more than of actual need, and finally just giving up on being able to sleep or fall asleep again, I decided to get up for a bit. Perhaps I can sleep in a while. I admit to not being fully awake, so I will try to not say too much. When I do, I usually step on toes and seem to neither care if I do seem to know, and yet I really do care. Those partial dream posts get me in almost as much trouble as when I used to drink and post. Perhaps when I move I really should give up blogging.
I have been drinking a lot of fluid lately, though no alcohol (which I have pretty much given up, mostly). I would put it at 5 quarts of water or more, 4 sodas or more, and another quart or two of whole milk a day. And, I seem hooked on drinking and needing to pee. I had best cut back on the sugar, I think, again. I thought it might help me work, packing and such, but it has not been helping. It might be allowing me to stay awake though, but that is only moderately useful. I would bet my diabetes is out of control again. I have a lot of work to do, and am not sure how I am going to get it all done. I have a day shy of a week to finish and have the moving truck packed. Oh, and hot, I have been very hot. With the central air set at 66, and with a fan, I am still a bit warm. My hands would melt chocolate at as soon as I touch it.
Not sure what I am blogging about anymore these days. I think mostly I am trying to get my tasks in order, bring some order to my mind on what I must do, and griping about things that cross my path which I feel the need or want to gripe about. Though too, as I am taking steps in my faith, I do try to add those. I suppose with every pile of dirt, there ought to at least be the potential for diamonds. If this pile of dross has any such things, I truly hope that last is it.
I realize that much of my faith matters is seen, by the world at large, as between foolish and laughable. Believing in God, believing that the belief and further faith means I should do anything in real life regarding God and my faith, and certainly celibacy. Even if I was not conservative, this alone might well put me on the neo-national terrorist list. God forbid I might speak about such things or that someone might here them and believe there is such a thing as responsibility, accountability, or anything else coexisting with rights and freedoms. Or that I believe those rights and freedoms are God given, so irrelevant to man's laws to some degree. Yes, I know, I am way out there.
I, of course, and now, would not change that for the world. There is not enough gold to buy me off, there are no easy women who could set me off, and there is not a thing that could pull me off, if I do stray on my own. When I stray, I soon find myself in the wrong side of town and do my level best to figure out where I am, where I should be, how to get there, and what price must be paid for straying and pay the fine. Better to pay here than there. And, fine, I will admit I am often lost. I probably will be until the day I die, since I am a curious sort and I prefer to travel, one way or the other, rather than just hunkering down.
I may investigate college where I am going a bit more closely. I thought not attending school this last term would end my relationship with the VA, but they recently sent me a letter asking for an appointment. The date for the suggested meeting is after I am gone, so I may ask that they send my case to where I am going and where I might find a fresh start. If the situation is as difficult there as it is here, I may still go to college, but from now on with my own money. I have not looked at the programs there, let alone put in an application. Considering I will have plenty of time on my hands, it might not be a horrible thing to do. Hmm, since I cannot sleep anyway, and while my mind is on it, I might just go look at what that school offers. A switch to mechanical or aeronautical engineering may be required, who knows.
*poof*
Friday, June 26, 2009
Even with competent help, things take time.
.
.
Getting the fax out took forever. The woman we were working with did not know how to get her land line from advancing the call to her cell phone, so it simply would not accept the fax. I did not know how to correct this (though on my own I could have figured it out, it's just a new technology so it is not in my repertoire) , she was a complete technophobe I believe, and though my neighbor knew how to do this, doing it through her was impossible. She ended up calling the owner and having us fax this material to him. But it took two hours, I would guess, or more, dealing with that. My visit to the bank was quicker but that was still and hour plus. I ended up not having time to finish all of the business on my schedule. The last task I was able to do was to reserve a moving truck, along with the package I wanted, on the day I will want it.
The neighbor lady had asked if I still had some of the enchilada casserole, part deux. Of course I do, I suggested. So, she asked if she could come over for dinner tonight. And, if she does show up, she will be welcome. But I might just ask her to go out to dinner somewhere tonight. I really just want to get out of the house, have a good meal, and enjoy some pretty (if tweaky) feminine company. Then again, I think all women are a bit flakey. I suppose that is part of the program, and part of what is attractive about them. Who knows. Then again, most women think I am pretty flakey, and that is good by me. I would like to go to a decent place, but I am not exactly looking at spending over $50 or $60, with tax. Just a nice, sit down, full, and good meal. I wish I could do more, but I am still a bit nervous about money.
One of the things I had to do at the bank was to check my accounts. It is possible that I have been spending more than usual, with the move, paying extra on the Xterra to make up for lost time, and such but I seem to have a problem. Money seems to be leaking out faster than I am spending it. With my computer less than reliable, I have turned off online access, so printed reviews are as good as it gets. I have not seen anything that is not my doing, though I cannot be sure, either. And, there was an apparent illegal access of my debit card information a few months ago. I just read the letter today. I had ignored it, thinking it was just some usual bank junk. It was bad enough they had sent out new debit cards. I am pretty sure where it went, though I never received the card. They did not know where it was, so they canceled that one and are going to send one to my new address. This city has fallen, and hard, into bad times. At least they could tell the card had not been used.
I am really hoping life is not so Northside Chicago where I am going. Hopefully it is not anyside Chicago like this city and state have become. Spreading criminals out over a whole state does not make the crime go away, it just taxes the people who had lived in relatively crime free areas for most of their lives. Not only were we not used to crime, like this, at this level, but we were not used to the militarization of the police forces needed to handle it. Now everyone is a criminal and the police are taking cover. It is a creepy time to be an Iowan. Add to the fact the the prosecution has either voluntarily or by mandate become politically correct to the silly level of Nifong, failing to prosecute serious and real crimes, while hitting whites harder in order to at least be "able" to prosecute some minorities, in some egalitarian nightmare. No wonder every man and woman capable of real work and with moral intent is fleeing this rat's nest. And, like I said, you had best not dare defend yourself here.
Criminals to the left, leftists to the other left, and no way out other than moving. A lot of locals think I am over-reacting. And they will until they have to deal with one or the other of those elements. When they become a criminal for calling in a complaint on a minority, a legitimate complaint, they will understand. When they see an "open 24 hour" business closed with it's curtains closed, and they think about calling the police only to realize that will make them a prime suspect so they pass. Or when they have trespassers that neither they nor the police can do anything about, in the middle of the night or in broad daylight, they will learn. The numbers are swelling, too. The schools are inundated with troubles they were never meant to serve. My leaving is good riddance, I would guess for me, the city, and the state.
Monday I have a full list of things to do. Final calls, a vehicle inspection in order to ensure the rental of the trailer it sitting upon, more packing, an oil change and inspection on my Xterra, and who knows what else will grab my attention and propel me to some odd task, call, purchase, or such. This weekend will offer no respite. I need to finish some packing, Sunday is the only day I can get the television, surround, and stereo systems to my lady friend. She also, finally, wants me to set up her computer. I will do what I can. She does not have ac, or more honestly refuses to use what I bought here, so I will most likely only be able to set up the television before needing a break. Then again, she could take me to a good lunch somewhere while I cool off, and between tasks. I'll probably "suggest" that, though, even if she does put up the ac for me. If it is just blasted hot though, she might only get one job done. She is my equal, she says, she may just have to figure it out. What is it with women and technology, anyway? Let alone equality.
Well, have a good afternoon and evening.
.
Getting the fax out took forever. The woman we were working with did not know how to get her land line from advancing the call to her cell phone, so it simply would not accept the fax. I did not know how to correct this (though on my own I could have figured it out, it's just a new technology so it is not in my repertoire) , she was a complete technophobe I believe, and though my neighbor knew how to do this, doing it through her was impossible. She ended up calling the owner and having us fax this material to him. But it took two hours, I would guess, or more, dealing with that. My visit to the bank was quicker but that was still and hour plus. I ended up not having time to finish all of the business on my schedule. The last task I was able to do was to reserve a moving truck, along with the package I wanted, on the day I will want it.
The neighbor lady had asked if I still had some of the enchilada casserole, part deux. Of course I do, I suggested. So, she asked if she could come over for dinner tonight. And, if she does show up, she will be welcome. But I might just ask her to go out to dinner somewhere tonight. I really just want to get out of the house, have a good meal, and enjoy some pretty (if tweaky) feminine company. Then again, I think all women are a bit flakey. I suppose that is part of the program, and part of what is attractive about them. Who knows. Then again, most women think I am pretty flakey, and that is good by me. I would like to go to a decent place, but I am not exactly looking at spending over $50 or $60, with tax. Just a nice, sit down, full, and good meal. I wish I could do more, but I am still a bit nervous about money.
One of the things I had to do at the bank was to check my accounts. It is possible that I have been spending more than usual, with the move, paying extra on the Xterra to make up for lost time, and such but I seem to have a problem. Money seems to be leaking out faster than I am spending it. With my computer less than reliable, I have turned off online access, so printed reviews are as good as it gets. I have not seen anything that is not my doing, though I cannot be sure, either. And, there was an apparent illegal access of my debit card information a few months ago. I just read the letter today. I had ignored it, thinking it was just some usual bank junk. It was bad enough they had sent out new debit cards. I am pretty sure where it went, though I never received the card. They did not know where it was, so they canceled that one and are going to send one to my new address. This city has fallen, and hard, into bad times. At least they could tell the card had not been used.
I am really hoping life is not so Northside Chicago where I am going. Hopefully it is not anyside Chicago like this city and state have become. Spreading criminals out over a whole state does not make the crime go away, it just taxes the people who had lived in relatively crime free areas for most of their lives. Not only were we not used to crime, like this, at this level, but we were not used to the militarization of the police forces needed to handle it. Now everyone is a criminal and the police are taking cover. It is a creepy time to be an Iowan. Add to the fact the the prosecution has either voluntarily or by mandate become politically correct to the silly level of Nifong, failing to prosecute serious and real crimes, while hitting whites harder in order to at least be "able" to prosecute some minorities, in some egalitarian nightmare. No wonder every man and woman capable of real work and with moral intent is fleeing this rat's nest. And, like I said, you had best not dare defend yourself here.
Criminals to the left, leftists to the other left, and no way out other than moving. A lot of locals think I am over-reacting. And they will until they have to deal with one or the other of those elements. When they become a criminal for calling in a complaint on a minority, a legitimate complaint, they will understand. When they see an "open 24 hour" business closed with it's curtains closed, and they think about calling the police only to realize that will make them a prime suspect so they pass. Or when they have trespassers that neither they nor the police can do anything about, in the middle of the night or in broad daylight, they will learn. The numbers are swelling, too. The schools are inundated with troubles they were never meant to serve. My leaving is good riddance, I would guess for me, the city, and the state.
Monday I have a full list of things to do. Final calls, a vehicle inspection in order to ensure the rental of the trailer it sitting upon, more packing, an oil change and inspection on my Xterra, and who knows what else will grab my attention and propel me to some odd task, call, purchase, or such. This weekend will offer no respite. I need to finish some packing, Sunday is the only day I can get the television, surround, and stereo systems to my lady friend. She also, finally, wants me to set up her computer. I will do what I can. She does not have ac, or more honestly refuses to use what I bought here, so I will most likely only be able to set up the television before needing a break. Then again, she could take me to a good lunch somewhere while I cool off, and between tasks. I'll probably "suggest" that, though, even if she does put up the ac for me. If it is just blasted hot though, she might only get one job done. She is my equal, she says, she may just have to figure it out. What is it with women and technology, anyway? Let alone equality.
Well, have a good afternoon and evening.
Moving slowly, but hopefully too.
.
.
I have finished most of the paperwork I need to fax back to the hopefully new landlord, property manager, or whatever she is, exactly. I need to find a few more pieces of information and I should have that out by 14:00. I also need to contact the two utility providers and get that switched back to the landlord on the day I leave, do some bank business, rent the truck, and then do a bit more packing later today. It is amazing how much there is to do when moving. I can only hope I do not miss something vital. To that end, I have put passwords and such down on some secreted papers. One can always make a mistake or miss something though. Two heads, in cases like these, would be better than one, so long as the two minds do not derail each other onto deadend sidetracks.
Sleep was splendid last night. I woke well and early, if waking up has been a slow process. It is nice and cool in here. And should it get too hot in spite of that, I have a fan ready to go. I know I will need to go out into the heat but that is fine. I actually have been enjoying that, so long as I can cool down for a bit.
My neighbor lady was a bit upset when she found that I would be leaving early this next month. She had hoped I would try and have my landlord let me stay a while longer. She seems to forget that it was she who wanted me to stay, and that in part the argument for me staying a bit longer was based on her taking over the apartment, so that the landlord would not need to worry about renting the place, and then that she had reneged on that suggestion. I also suggested that finding a place to stay where I am going has been hugely problematic. After two months of trying, I have only found one single place, and only in the last days, which would offer a place to stay without a 3 day application process initiated in person.
Her life is getting uncomfortable, and largely for the very reason I wish to leave this area. As I have said, she, my other lady friend, and many of the people here belong here. This is their world, what they believe and do, who they associate with and why, makes this their world. No more do I belong here than would they belong where I am going. I am looking for a clean world were people believe in doing good deeds as a common thing and where crime is actually considered, you know, illegal. I would guess it will be illegal to speak one's mind, if it is not already, here and soon. I would guess that it would be dangerous to do so here, and the police, the prosecutor, or both, would ignore that threat due to their political beliefs.
I cannot help people who hate where they are and yet encourage it in how they live. I have to imagine it would be like a saint or angel looking into hell. I wonder, at times, about those who choose the path of the damned. I have no illusion that they do so ignorantly, I am positive they know. And their pleas for help, I am sure some of that is really trying to get help but it lacks veracity due to the fact that they would not change what they did that got them there. In the end, it is an attempt to pull the good to their world rather than a hope to leave their world and ways. I realize, too, that God asks that we not doubt His judgment via sympathy, and we best not have empathy. And so I trust and leave this hell to it's own, and I pray for those who could change to do so.
The world, no doubt, has come completely unglued and totally evil. Perhaps it always was as so. If that last is true, the world, for the greater part, kept that hidden. Maybe now that evil is so open is only the newest thing, perhaps though too, my eyes are only and now finally open. I will never be sure, while I live in skin, but in time that may be known. In truth, and as I have said, it is about me (to me), and you (to you), and each of us (according to ourselves) in our relationship with God. All of it. We must worry only about how we will stand before Christ, pass through the barrier that is the Fire of the Holy Spirit, and then live with God. So, perhaps, even questions about this world we might now have will be burned away as all our fleshly failings will be burned as and before we can ascend to heaven. Perhaps even those who choose hell will lose all false questions as well. At that time, perhaps, we will realize we always knew the truth and that our questions are just games we play to avoid knowing what God has already told us. I can live with that. And I will happily release questions of flesh as I release the fallen flesh.
Well, I suppose I should get to work. I pray, each night, to make it to the land of milk and honey. I sometimes worry, if like Moses (though without having done any of his great deeds), I will be denied more than a view of such a place. Perhaps my failure of faith has doomed me. With what is going on locally, I do worry. I am trying to keep more secure in the time I must wait, it is all I can do. Though knowing what liberal prosecutors do to those who dare defend themselves, even that is tenuous.
Have a good day.
.
I have finished most of the paperwork I need to fax back to the hopefully new landlord, property manager, or whatever she is, exactly. I need to find a few more pieces of information and I should have that out by 14:00. I also need to contact the two utility providers and get that switched back to the landlord on the day I leave, do some bank business, rent the truck, and then do a bit more packing later today. It is amazing how much there is to do when moving. I can only hope I do not miss something vital. To that end, I have put passwords and such down on some secreted papers. One can always make a mistake or miss something though. Two heads, in cases like these, would be better than one, so long as the two minds do not derail each other onto deadend sidetracks.
Sleep was splendid last night. I woke well and early, if waking up has been a slow process. It is nice and cool in here. And should it get too hot in spite of that, I have a fan ready to go. I know I will need to go out into the heat but that is fine. I actually have been enjoying that, so long as I can cool down for a bit.
My neighbor lady was a bit upset when she found that I would be leaving early this next month. She had hoped I would try and have my landlord let me stay a while longer. She seems to forget that it was she who wanted me to stay, and that in part the argument for me staying a bit longer was based on her taking over the apartment, so that the landlord would not need to worry about renting the place, and then that she had reneged on that suggestion. I also suggested that finding a place to stay where I am going has been hugely problematic. After two months of trying, I have only found one single place, and only in the last days, which would offer a place to stay without a 3 day application process initiated in person.
Her life is getting uncomfortable, and largely for the very reason I wish to leave this area. As I have said, she, my other lady friend, and many of the people here belong here. This is their world, what they believe and do, who they associate with and why, makes this their world. No more do I belong here than would they belong where I am going. I am looking for a clean world were people believe in doing good deeds as a common thing and where crime is actually considered, you know, illegal. I would guess it will be illegal to speak one's mind, if it is not already, here and soon. I would guess that it would be dangerous to do so here, and the police, the prosecutor, or both, would ignore that threat due to their political beliefs.
I cannot help people who hate where they are and yet encourage it in how they live. I have to imagine it would be like a saint or angel looking into hell. I wonder, at times, about those who choose the path of the damned. I have no illusion that they do so ignorantly, I am positive they know. And their pleas for help, I am sure some of that is really trying to get help but it lacks veracity due to the fact that they would not change what they did that got them there. In the end, it is an attempt to pull the good to their world rather than a hope to leave their world and ways. I realize, too, that God asks that we not doubt His judgment via sympathy, and we best not have empathy. And so I trust and leave this hell to it's own, and I pray for those who could change to do so.
The world, no doubt, has come completely unglued and totally evil. Perhaps it always was as so. If that last is true, the world, for the greater part, kept that hidden. Maybe now that evil is so open is only the newest thing, perhaps though too, my eyes are only and now finally open. I will never be sure, while I live in skin, but in time that may be known. In truth, and as I have said, it is about me (to me), and you (to you), and each of us (according to ourselves) in our relationship with God. All of it. We must worry only about how we will stand before Christ, pass through the barrier that is the Fire of the Holy Spirit, and then live with God. So, perhaps, even questions about this world we might now have will be burned away as all our fleshly failings will be burned as and before we can ascend to heaven. Perhaps even those who choose hell will lose all false questions as well. At that time, perhaps, we will realize we always knew the truth and that our questions are just games we play to avoid knowing what God has already told us. I can live with that. And I will happily release questions of flesh as I release the fallen flesh.
Well, I suppose I should get to work. I pray, each night, to make it to the land of milk and honey. I sometimes worry, if like Moses (though without having done any of his great deeds), I will be denied more than a view of such a place. Perhaps my failure of faith has doomed me. With what is going on locally, I do worry. I am trying to keep more secure in the time I must wait, it is all I can do. Though knowing what liberal prosecutors do to those who dare defend themselves, even that is tenuous.
Have a good day.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
A good day, I think.
.
.
I am still suffering from bruised ribs. I am also still surprised I can hurt those in my sleep. I am either having seriously weird dreams or there is simply something wrong with my body, where connective tissue weakens or muscles twitch while I sleep. If I had fallen down while sleep walking, I am pretty sure there would be holes in the wall, major furniture failure, or some other sign. I think, however, that I was right. The pain is slightly easing. It has peaked. I will still need Tylenol to sleep though.
It looks like the apartment will come through. No guarantees, but the manager sounded fairly positive. I hope it is not because the place cannot really be rented in person because it is really bad or in a bad neighborhood. My friend, who knows the area, thinks that the address is a decent one. Beyond that, it is close enough to the places I might want to go without being too close and therefore too busy. As I said, as long as it is in reasonable condition, I am fine with that. This is not meant to be a little slice of heaven, but more a piece of humble pie in which I can save some decent money for a home or funeral.
I am not sure what all is going on right now, though I think the deal is done. I need to put a call in and hold the rental truck and tow package, plus some insurance, finish packing, and then load up and drive. To think that in just over a week I will be in a new fishbowl! I will hopefully have a smooth dip into a new scene. One where crime is lower, problems are much more soluble on even a personal level, and the grass really is greener. If they are a little pickier about who gets in and a little more relaxed due to that, I will be pleased. I am so weary about living in a state that has become a criminal haven, a leftist nightmare, and is dying on the vine. It is sad to see it, but it is better to leave than become even more of a hated minority in what had been my home state.
My dreams have been intense lately. First war, then women, maybe I can land on the moon, go flying, or something fun but less stressful tonight. I have to admit, the dreams about women were wonderful! But when I woke, barely able to move, I had to struggle to coordinate my hands into a prayer position and then pray my heart out. It was not too bad, it just reminded me that I am fully male and that I truly enjoy the beauty of the feminine, in many of her states of grace, fully dressed even. And, in my prayer for control I definitely also gave thanks to God for presenting such beauty to such a humble servant. I do not mean to say I am claiming to be humble, I am merely stating that I realize my humble nature. I would like to be humble as a being, but I often fail. I am, however, humble before God, in many ways before the beauty of women, and certainly in the depths and dimensions of reality. Even the mountains and rivers let me know this.
Well, I should get to bed. Or at least take some painkillers and let them kick in. I took them right as I went to bed last night. Not such a good plan. I had to suffer to sleep. Live and learn. Again, good night. You are in my prayers, even those of you who have left here and me.
.
I am still suffering from bruised ribs. I am also still surprised I can hurt those in my sleep. I am either having seriously weird dreams or there is simply something wrong with my body, where connective tissue weakens or muscles twitch while I sleep. If I had fallen down while sleep walking, I am pretty sure there would be holes in the wall, major furniture failure, or some other sign. I think, however, that I was right. The pain is slightly easing. It has peaked. I will still need Tylenol to sleep though.
It looks like the apartment will come through. No guarantees, but the manager sounded fairly positive. I hope it is not because the place cannot really be rented in person because it is really bad or in a bad neighborhood. My friend, who knows the area, thinks that the address is a decent one. Beyond that, it is close enough to the places I might want to go without being too close and therefore too busy. As I said, as long as it is in reasonable condition, I am fine with that. This is not meant to be a little slice of heaven, but more a piece of humble pie in which I can save some decent money for a home or funeral.
I am not sure what all is going on right now, though I think the deal is done. I need to put a call in and hold the rental truck and tow package, plus some insurance, finish packing, and then load up and drive. To think that in just over a week I will be in a new fishbowl! I will hopefully have a smooth dip into a new scene. One where crime is lower, problems are much more soluble on even a personal level, and the grass really is greener. If they are a little pickier about who gets in and a little more relaxed due to that, I will be pleased. I am so weary about living in a state that has become a criminal haven, a leftist nightmare, and is dying on the vine. It is sad to see it, but it is better to leave than become even more of a hated minority in what had been my home state.
My dreams have been intense lately. First war, then women, maybe I can land on the moon, go flying, or something fun but less stressful tonight. I have to admit, the dreams about women were wonderful! But when I woke, barely able to move, I had to struggle to coordinate my hands into a prayer position and then pray my heart out. It was not too bad, it just reminded me that I am fully male and that I truly enjoy the beauty of the feminine, in many of her states of grace, fully dressed even. And, in my prayer for control I definitely also gave thanks to God for presenting such beauty to such a humble servant. I do not mean to say I am claiming to be humble, I am merely stating that I realize my humble nature. I would like to be humble as a being, but I often fail. I am, however, humble before God, in many ways before the beauty of women, and certainly in the depths and dimensions of reality. Even the mountains and rivers let me know this.
Well, I should get to bed. Or at least take some painkillers and let them kick in. I took them right as I went to bed last night. Not such a good plan. I had to suffer to sleep. Live and learn. Again, good night. You are in my prayers, even those of you who have left here and me.
Maybe...
.
.
After making many calls on my own and having some help from a friend who knows the area, I finally found a place to rent, maybe. I was not able to find less than a year lease, but I was able to get a very affordable partially furnished place. It will not be something to write home about. It will be a place to sleep. It will probably be warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer than the out of doors. I probably will not add internet, definitely will not add cable television, and I will keep it as plain as possible. Part of the reason will be to get me out as often as possible. I will find my way to the library, a couple of inexpensive places to eat, the store, a few places of interest, and as much of that on foot as possible. Then I would like to find my way into the woods and mountains. Some of that, too, will be on foot for some parts of those type trips.
However, there is no guarantee either. I am only sure they will, probably, fax an application and that, if they do fax it and we get it back out to them, they may accept the application. If I get it, I should save enough on rent that I can really save some serious savings in the year lease, perhaps as much as $15k. I think my neighbor was amazed at how difficult it was to find a place. Everyone wanted to see me in person, and were absolutely disinterested in faxing anything to at least speed up the application process. Most indicated application processing takes 3 days. Considering the truck rental is only for 5 days, loading then driving the truck will take 3 days, and with finding a storage unit and unpacking, I would not have any real time to be processed in and hope for acceptance before the truck needed to be back. As well, no knowing if the place would be furnished or not, I would either have to keep the truck longer (no doubt at a huge fee) or store and rent something else, all while staying in a hotel. The bills would soon become troubling to say the least.
I am really hoping my faxed application will be accepted. Either that or I find a hotel room for a week (not available in the area as they will be having a car show that week, and rooms are scarce, to say the least). They really do not want outsiders who do not fit. It is a college town too, so one would think rentals would be a little more open. Then again, that is part of why I am seeing if that is the place for me. I had indicated that I might not be right for out there. We will have to see. I was going to call the Church(s) there, but I sort of got lost and I have run out of time I think. I will call tomorrow, just in case there is some advice or even a better rental prospect. Even another, but good, rental or three would be great, so that I would have some choice. Who knows.
It has been another bruiser. The heat just reaches in and beats me up. I need tons of water, few clothes, ac, and a fan just to almost feel human. I get rather growly when I get too hot (or hungry, thirsty, needing a shower, or in pain). Any work requires cool down times. That is summer, in Iowa, I suppose. I have heard that where I am going is about the same temp, but minus the humidity, plus being in a valley, morning to evening is a bit shy of flatland time span. Yeah, I am liking that already. Well, I should get going. I would like to make something good for supper.
Have a good evening.
.
After making many calls on my own and having some help from a friend who knows the area, I finally found a place to rent, maybe. I was not able to find less than a year lease, but I was able to get a very affordable partially furnished place. It will not be something to write home about. It will be a place to sleep. It will probably be warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer than the out of doors. I probably will not add internet, definitely will not add cable television, and I will keep it as plain as possible. Part of the reason will be to get me out as often as possible. I will find my way to the library, a couple of inexpensive places to eat, the store, a few places of interest, and as much of that on foot as possible. Then I would like to find my way into the woods and mountains. Some of that, too, will be on foot for some parts of those type trips.
However, there is no guarantee either. I am only sure they will, probably, fax an application and that, if they do fax it and we get it back out to them, they may accept the application. If I get it, I should save enough on rent that I can really save some serious savings in the year lease, perhaps as much as $15k. I think my neighbor was amazed at how difficult it was to find a place. Everyone wanted to see me in person, and were absolutely disinterested in faxing anything to at least speed up the application process. Most indicated application processing takes 3 days. Considering the truck rental is only for 5 days, loading then driving the truck will take 3 days, and with finding a storage unit and unpacking, I would not have any real time to be processed in and hope for acceptance before the truck needed to be back. As well, no knowing if the place would be furnished or not, I would either have to keep the truck longer (no doubt at a huge fee) or store and rent something else, all while staying in a hotel. The bills would soon become troubling to say the least.
I am really hoping my faxed application will be accepted. Either that or I find a hotel room for a week (not available in the area as they will be having a car show that week, and rooms are scarce, to say the least). They really do not want outsiders who do not fit. It is a college town too, so one would think rentals would be a little more open. Then again, that is part of why I am seeing if that is the place for me. I had indicated that I might not be right for out there. We will have to see. I was going to call the Church(s) there, but I sort of got lost and I have run out of time I think. I will call tomorrow, just in case there is some advice or even a better rental prospect. Even another, but good, rental or three would be great, so that I would have some choice. Who knows.
It has been another bruiser. The heat just reaches in and beats me up. I need tons of water, few clothes, ac, and a fan just to almost feel human. I get rather growly when I get too hot (or hungry, thirsty, needing a shower, or in pain). Any work requires cool down times. That is summer, in Iowa, I suppose. I have heard that where I am going is about the same temp, but minus the humidity, plus being in a valley, morning to evening is a bit shy of flatland time span. Yeah, I am liking that already. Well, I should get going. I would like to make something good for supper.
Have a good evening.
Waking up is a tough chore this morning.
.
.
I slept well, relatively speaking. Erotic dreams filled my mind, and occasional prayers when I awoke. Women have been on my mind, for some odd reason, and strongly the last few days. In spite of sore ribs and plenty of work to be done, the mind seems easily distracted. And though chastity has not been taken on as an oath but more as a means of purification before death or marriage, I hold it well. It is amazing what a prayer for strength and conviction can do. Even with dreams and thoughts of the more beautiful of the sexes, my command has held firm. No pun intended.
My neighbor lady has been stopping by in the mornings, late mornings thankfully, to make coffee. She had been buying Starbucks, and I had suggested she make her own. She tried it on her own, and failed. She bought Starbucks coffee and their syrup. Now, I cannot swear to it, but I would guess Starbucks does not use their own coffee. If people could get the exact taste at home, they would not be making so much money in their stores. My guess is what they sell of the shelf is at least one or two off. So, I showed her where to shop and what to buy, and to her amazement, not only is it far cheaper, it is superior. As well, that it can be made at home, it saves time in running around. Who knows though, when I leave she might just go right back to Starbucks. She likes to spend, she believes in designer goods and services, and she is used to being a kept woman. She no longer has the money she did but that does not really affect her lifestyle until she runs out of everything, then she cries and hopes someone will help her. I have not and will not. I saw that trap far in the distance. I do drive her places, and help her in small ways, but I will not spend on her beyond that or have much more to do with her. I will never know if she goes back to Starbucks or not, and I will not worry about it.
I have not been able to contact my neighbor. I am hoping to do so today. I think I am going to try and just catch up to him to make final plans for loading. Rather than ABF, a moving system which offers various numbers of loading containers something like Pod's but less expensive, I will just get rent a truck and use a platform on the back to haul the Xterra. That is, if the truck company's trailer can handle that size of a vehicle. This will give me a great deal more flexibility when to load, where I can unload, and I think it will be cheaper in the end as well, all told. I only worry about needing to back up. Though I think I can do that, I do not want to be tested. As well, I am not quite sure about all the details involved with when to install the trailer, and how to do so, which will have to be done after packing the truck, I would guess, and so on. There is only one way to find out.
I suppose I ought to get started for the day. Time is short, and even though everything is coming together, I still have much to do. Decisions are the most difficult, as they can bottle neck an opperation when they come up in the physical work. I think most decisions are finalized at this point. Now it is just a matter of getting the work completed. I will be so very happy when this leg of my journey is completed.
I still do not know if I am going there to die or if I am going there to live. I will only know once I get there. To be honest, neither prospect is all that bad. I am siding for finding more to life and finding more life to live there. But, as I have been most solidly told by reality, such huge choices are not really in my hands. Not at all. I am open to God's will, and that is the end of that.
Have a great day.
.
I slept well, relatively speaking. Erotic dreams filled my mind, and occasional prayers when I awoke. Women have been on my mind, for some odd reason, and strongly the last few days. In spite of sore ribs and plenty of work to be done, the mind seems easily distracted. And though chastity has not been taken on as an oath but more as a means of purification before death or marriage, I hold it well. It is amazing what a prayer for strength and conviction can do. Even with dreams and thoughts of the more beautiful of the sexes, my command has held firm. No pun intended.
My neighbor lady has been stopping by in the mornings, late mornings thankfully, to make coffee. She had been buying Starbucks, and I had suggested she make her own. She tried it on her own, and failed. She bought Starbucks coffee and their syrup. Now, I cannot swear to it, but I would guess Starbucks does not use their own coffee. If people could get the exact taste at home, they would not be making so much money in their stores. My guess is what they sell of the shelf is at least one or two off. So, I showed her where to shop and what to buy, and to her amazement, not only is it far cheaper, it is superior. As well, that it can be made at home, it saves time in running around. Who knows though, when I leave she might just go right back to Starbucks. She likes to spend, she believes in designer goods and services, and she is used to being a kept woman. She no longer has the money she did but that does not really affect her lifestyle until she runs out of everything, then she cries and hopes someone will help her. I have not and will not. I saw that trap far in the distance. I do drive her places, and help her in small ways, but I will not spend on her beyond that or have much more to do with her. I will never know if she goes back to Starbucks or not, and I will not worry about it.
I have not been able to contact my neighbor. I am hoping to do so today. I think I am going to try and just catch up to him to make final plans for loading. Rather than ABF, a moving system which offers various numbers of loading containers something like Pod's but less expensive, I will just get rent a truck and use a platform on the back to haul the Xterra. That is, if the truck company's trailer can handle that size of a vehicle. This will give me a great deal more flexibility when to load, where I can unload, and I think it will be cheaper in the end as well, all told. I only worry about needing to back up. Though I think I can do that, I do not want to be tested. As well, I am not quite sure about all the details involved with when to install the trailer, and how to do so, which will have to be done after packing the truck, I would guess, and so on. There is only one way to find out.
I suppose I ought to get started for the day. Time is short, and even though everything is coming together, I still have much to do. Decisions are the most difficult, as they can bottle neck an opperation when they come up in the physical work. I think most decisions are finalized at this point. Now it is just a matter of getting the work completed. I will be so very happy when this leg of my journey is completed.
I still do not know if I am going there to die or if I am going there to live. I will only know once I get there. To be honest, neither prospect is all that bad. I am siding for finding more to life and finding more life to live there. But, as I have been most solidly told by reality, such huge choices are not really in my hands. Not at all. I am open to God's will, and that is the end of that.
Have a great day.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
How in the world.
.
.
The last few days I have been in some pain. I wondered if it was just gas, heartburn, or something, but it is not. And, through the time from when the pain first appeared to now, I realize it is my ribs. I have hurt them. All the way around from backbone to sternum and the rest of the way around. It hurts a little bit to breath. And it hurts constantly. My back hurts as well. It was not through packing and moving, most of what I have been moving is relatively light. I am careful with angles and such as well. Could this be from dreaming?
Sleep will be a little more difficult and moving around can cause me to be a bit grumpy. Nothing to do for it, I suppose. Maybe I will take a few painkillers of the over the counter varietal and see if it helps. I cannot stop packing and I do need sleep. It just weirds me out how I can hurt myself or otherwise get hurt in dreams. It just should not be able to happen. I know from this that doctors cannot know what they think they know. There is more to us than the simple biology, complex as that is.
Ouch! It seriously hurts. I hope, since it started as mild discomfort and grew to serious pain, that the bruises are coming out and will soon be gone. Wow, though. At least I can quit with the alkaseltzers. *burp*
It is all a gas, one way or another, and sometimes multi-dimensionally. Good night. I hope you sleep well. I am going to give it as good of a shot as I can.
.
The last few days I have been in some pain. I wondered if it was just gas, heartburn, or something, but it is not. And, through the time from when the pain first appeared to now, I realize it is my ribs. I have hurt them. All the way around from backbone to sternum and the rest of the way around. It hurts a little bit to breath. And it hurts constantly. My back hurts as well. It was not through packing and moving, most of what I have been moving is relatively light. I am careful with angles and such as well. Could this be from dreaming?
Sleep will be a little more difficult and moving around can cause me to be a bit grumpy. Nothing to do for it, I suppose. Maybe I will take a few painkillers of the over the counter varietal and see if it helps. I cannot stop packing and I do need sleep. It just weirds me out how I can hurt myself or otherwise get hurt in dreams. It just should not be able to happen. I know from this that doctors cannot know what they think they know. There is more to us than the simple biology, complex as that is.
Ouch! It seriously hurts. I hope, since it started as mild discomfort and grew to serious pain, that the bruises are coming out and will soon be gone. Wow, though. At least I can quit with the alkaseltzers. *burp*
It is all a gas, one way or another, and sometimes multi-dimensionally. Good night. I hope you sleep well. I am going to give it as good of a shot as I can.
Some serious confusion.
.
.
While driving to the store today, I saw what I believed to be a libertarian car. On it were a number of stickers, no names though, regarding the usual topics. Included were down with the Fed, limit government, and get out of Iraq. Right below the end the war sticker was a government limit sticker and then... "Help Iran!". Well, okay I thought. But, being that we shouldn't even be in Iraq according to this man, how are we going to help Iran? Twitter? Ah, okay. If I am stepping on toes do not wear sandals. And, yes, it does make me angry to see this.
Bear in mind, I have a good 60 to 70 percent share of libertarian views. And, if they somehow gain power, I would at least be curious to see some of the views we do not share applied. I would gladly go for some of that change in hope. The Fed, phase it out? Regulation I am already generally against. Term limits, a tighter control of access to corporations, a change in how the government makes laws, lots of things I can see.
The big difference is probably Iraq, perhaps even Afghanistan? I supported both, and strongly. And, I do not think a politician, of any pedigree, in office at the time could have resisted the call to arms. I think President Bush was quiet, for a time, upon hearing the news because he knew what it meant and he did not want it to be so. He knew he had zero choice. So, that he even went on to Iraq surprised me. I am guessing generals, admirals, and to some small extent (and not through the leadership but through the practical real channels) the State Department took the lead on that.
I get confused by this. The people of Iraq, many of them, were honestly repressed. I would say it was the majority who were repressed by the minority. Plus, we had several reasons, very good ones, to go even if the real case was weakly presented. That is not the case in Iran. The majority rules and it was that same majority which just (historically speaking) had a revolution. That revolt lead to this government. So, are we supposed to blindly support some new and really unknown revolt as Jimmy Carter supported the last (by sitting on his hands regarding an ally in trouble)?
Something I am not sure about is whether the anger in the streets would be the same if their votes had actually been counted, would they still be rioting? Even though they seem to realize the mullahs picked both candidates? Do they not realize their vote means nothing? If the key to the social disruption is that one mullah chosen politician was unfairly elected over another mullah chosen politician, I think they are just rioting for the fun of it. I cannot take them seriously.
Let them find a leader, let that leader, or better group of leaders, lay out a plan, and then I might consider getting behind it, if only in spirit. Barring that, it is just something to watch on t.v., if I still watched the news. What, honestly, is in it for me? It does not have to be monetarily connected. If it is for freedom, democratic republicanism, fair courts, justice, and uniform laws, sure. If not, then it is just another radical on radical kill fest. And that is only good for entertainment, not a loose brotherhood or kinship.
Do I feel bad for those who are dying? Only those who are truly innocent. And, one way or another, the only innocents there, that I can see, are the children. The rest either support the mullahs directly or indirectly, or they are out in the streets pushing for hope and change and paying a price for it. What hope? What change? Of course they are not going to say. As I have said, if it is away from islam then it is most likely toward communism, if it is not away from islam then it is just toward another brand of radical islam based on a two syllable difference in their dread book of the dead. Or, a half a dozen of one, six of the other. Population control in the normal way. Let it be.
.
While driving to the store today, I saw what I believed to be a libertarian car. On it were a number of stickers, no names though, regarding the usual topics. Included were down with the Fed, limit government, and get out of Iraq. Right below the end the war sticker was a government limit sticker and then... "Help Iran!". Well, okay I thought. But, being that we shouldn't even be in Iraq according to this man, how are we going to help Iran? Twitter? Ah, okay. If I am stepping on toes do not wear sandals. And, yes, it does make me angry to see this.
Bear in mind, I have a good 60 to 70 percent share of libertarian views. And, if they somehow gain power, I would at least be curious to see some of the views we do not share applied. I would gladly go for some of that change in hope. The Fed, phase it out? Regulation I am already generally against. Term limits, a tighter control of access to corporations, a change in how the government makes laws, lots of things I can see.
The big difference is probably Iraq, perhaps even Afghanistan? I supported both, and strongly. And, I do not think a politician, of any pedigree, in office at the time could have resisted the call to arms. I think President Bush was quiet, for a time, upon hearing the news because he knew what it meant and he did not want it to be so. He knew he had zero choice. So, that he even went on to Iraq surprised me. I am guessing generals, admirals, and to some small extent (and not through the leadership but through the practical real channels) the State Department took the lead on that.
I get confused by this. The people of Iraq, many of them, were honestly repressed. I would say it was the majority who were repressed by the minority. Plus, we had several reasons, very good ones, to go even if the real case was weakly presented. That is not the case in Iran. The majority rules and it was that same majority which just (historically speaking) had a revolution. That revolt lead to this government. So, are we supposed to blindly support some new and really unknown revolt as Jimmy Carter supported the last (by sitting on his hands regarding an ally in trouble)?
Something I am not sure about is whether the anger in the streets would be the same if their votes had actually been counted, would they still be rioting? Even though they seem to realize the mullahs picked both candidates? Do they not realize their vote means nothing? If the key to the social disruption is that one mullah chosen politician was unfairly elected over another mullah chosen politician, I think they are just rioting for the fun of it. I cannot take them seriously.
Let them find a leader, let that leader, or better group of leaders, lay out a plan, and then I might consider getting behind it, if only in spirit. Barring that, it is just something to watch on t.v., if I still watched the news. What, honestly, is in it for me? It does not have to be monetarily connected. If it is for freedom, democratic republicanism, fair courts, justice, and uniform laws, sure. If not, then it is just another radical on radical kill fest. And that is only good for entertainment, not a loose brotherhood or kinship.
Do I feel bad for those who are dying? Only those who are truly innocent. And, one way or another, the only innocents there, that I can see, are the children. The rest either support the mullahs directly or indirectly, or they are out in the streets pushing for hope and change and paying a price for it. What hope? What change? Of course they are not going to say. As I have said, if it is away from islam then it is most likely toward communism, if it is not away from islam then it is just toward another brand of radical islam based on a two syllable difference in their dread book of the dead. Or, a half a dozen of one, six of the other. Population control in the normal way. Let it be.
Hot and sticky!
.
.
Though heat is not my favorite environment, at least when humidity is added, I wish I had the time to get out a bit anyway. I have found that I can enjoy the outdoors even in this, and would like to do so. But the energy required and the cost of using it to the detriment to all else I need to do would be too much. I really need to keep packing, sorting, and planning. And, within my means, I am doing so. It has been so hot, even with air conditioning, that I have not bothered my neighbors in the late afternoon when they suggested they might be available. As for myself, I am packing and sorting in shorter bursts, then cooling down, then getting back to it when I am able.
I do not have all that much left, I think. It is difficult to know how much is really needed. I have been taking care of clutter, filling and closing up more boxes, and tossing what needs to go. I have been giving away food stuffs I had in my larder as well, unopened food stuffs of course. I am hoping more for a small place where I will not need to cook, initially. A small refrigerator, a microwave oven, and a local inexpensive diner will do me until I can find better digs. And, truth be told, my cooking and eating gear would not rightly fit in an efficiency apartment.
I do believe I will be getting out of here sooner rather than later. It seems my neighbor lady will not be moving into this apartment. As such, I could not in good conscience ask my landlord for more time. I believe I will be able to get help moving whenever it is that I decide to move, so that will be that. The sooner the better. Even if I do not find a place by then, I have found that there are hostiles in the general area, should I need more than a few days or a week to find a place. My other neighbor suggested he would investigate some of what I needed to know, so I do need to contact him soon.
Everything is moving forward, and more quickly as particular decisions are being made and the time frame is becoming much more solid. And yet I cannot yet get my mind wrapped around all that needs to be done, all that is being done, let alone around the notion that my world is about to be a brand new one. Fear, curiosity, the push to have it done, the worry, and all that beset me from time to time. I find that, if cornered by such foolishness, it is probably time to put my hands back to work. That generally takes care of things until bedtime. Then a prayer keeps most of that at bay.
Oh, and last night was good. I slept well. A thunderstorm came through and cooled off the world a bit, which helped a great deal. I was not troubled by dreams either. I needed the rest, both of mind and body. I am quite sure that my recent prayer sessions have loaned some comfort to me in my time of toil and consideration. I enjoy praying more in any case.
Have a great day.
.
Though heat is not my favorite environment, at least when humidity is added, I wish I had the time to get out a bit anyway. I have found that I can enjoy the outdoors even in this, and would like to do so. But the energy required and the cost of using it to the detriment to all else I need to do would be too much. I really need to keep packing, sorting, and planning. And, within my means, I am doing so. It has been so hot, even with air conditioning, that I have not bothered my neighbors in the late afternoon when they suggested they might be available. As for myself, I am packing and sorting in shorter bursts, then cooling down, then getting back to it when I am able.
I do not have all that much left, I think. It is difficult to know how much is really needed. I have been taking care of clutter, filling and closing up more boxes, and tossing what needs to go. I have been giving away food stuffs I had in my larder as well, unopened food stuffs of course. I am hoping more for a small place where I will not need to cook, initially. A small refrigerator, a microwave oven, and a local inexpensive diner will do me until I can find better digs. And, truth be told, my cooking and eating gear would not rightly fit in an efficiency apartment.
I do believe I will be getting out of here sooner rather than later. It seems my neighbor lady will not be moving into this apartment. As such, I could not in good conscience ask my landlord for more time. I believe I will be able to get help moving whenever it is that I decide to move, so that will be that. The sooner the better. Even if I do not find a place by then, I have found that there are hostiles in the general area, should I need more than a few days or a week to find a place. My other neighbor suggested he would investigate some of what I needed to know, so I do need to contact him soon.
Everything is moving forward, and more quickly as particular decisions are being made and the time frame is becoming much more solid. And yet I cannot yet get my mind wrapped around all that needs to be done, all that is being done, let alone around the notion that my world is about to be a brand new one. Fear, curiosity, the push to have it done, the worry, and all that beset me from time to time. I find that, if cornered by such foolishness, it is probably time to put my hands back to work. That generally takes care of things until bedtime. Then a prayer keeps most of that at bay.
Oh, and last night was good. I slept well. A thunderstorm came through and cooled off the world a bit, which helped a great deal. I was not troubled by dreams either. I needed the rest, both of mind and body. I am quite sure that my recent prayer sessions have loaned some comfort to me in my time of toil and consideration. I enjoy praying more in any case.
Have a great day.
New levels...
.
.
A few weeks ago, I decided it was time to try to take my chastity to the heights of that virtue. I was not sure I would be able to do so. And, I was unsure about whether such would be maintainable with frequent contact with attractive women. I have been thinking of doing this for some time, I felt called to do so. But I feared and doubted. Perhaps I just needed to prepare. Perhaps though too, my faith was weak. After two weeks or so, I find myself stronger than ever in this. Beyond, I can easily be around beautiful interested interesting women and stay firmly cloud bound and chaste. I simply pray when I feel a powerful pull toward the carnal.
Such things are not for everyone, though I have to believe, at this point, that the world would be a better place if this was used both in and out of marriages and by both participants. It is not as difficult as I thought it would be. And more, I see women completely differently now. I still see their physical nature and I still am very attracted to them, but I also see them more fully as people and as possible mates. I actually see them less as sexual beings and more as whole beings. I think I will more clearly see a potential wife for her whole self now. I will have a better means by which to evaluate her in that context.
I cannot say if I have changed to those viewing me. I am not sure if my physical world is different, within my body or mind, other than what has been noted. I do not seem to have more or less energy, clearer thought, or any of that. But I feel fresher and cleaner in life. Well, there is one thing. I think I am losing a bit of size around my waist. I cannot say it has anything to do with this, perhaps it is more to do with the recent heat, it could be coincidence. I will say I enjoy not being at the call of nature. And, yes, I still find women warmly, earthily, and naturally quite beautiful and attractive. Perhaps more so than I ever have.
Well, back to work. I really need to dig in before it gets too hot again. Have a great day.
.
A few weeks ago, I decided it was time to try to take my chastity to the heights of that virtue. I was not sure I would be able to do so. And, I was unsure about whether such would be maintainable with frequent contact with attractive women. I have been thinking of doing this for some time, I felt called to do so. But I feared and doubted. Perhaps I just needed to prepare. Perhaps though too, my faith was weak. After two weeks or so, I find myself stronger than ever in this. Beyond, I can easily be around beautiful interested interesting women and stay firmly cloud bound and chaste. I simply pray when I feel a powerful pull toward the carnal.
Such things are not for everyone, though I have to believe, at this point, that the world would be a better place if this was used both in and out of marriages and by both participants. It is not as difficult as I thought it would be. And more, I see women completely differently now. I still see their physical nature and I still am very attracted to them, but I also see them more fully as people and as possible mates. I actually see them less as sexual beings and more as whole beings. I think I will more clearly see a potential wife for her whole self now. I will have a better means by which to evaluate her in that context.
I cannot say if I have changed to those viewing me. I am not sure if my physical world is different, within my body or mind, other than what has been noted. I do not seem to have more or less energy, clearer thought, or any of that. But I feel fresher and cleaner in life. Well, there is one thing. I think I am losing a bit of size around my waist. I cannot say it has anything to do with this, perhaps it is more to do with the recent heat, it could be coincidence. I will say I enjoy not being at the call of nature. And, yes, I still find women warmly, earthily, and naturally quite beautiful and attractive. Perhaps more so than I ever have.
Well, back to work. I really need to dig in before it gets too hot again. Have a great day.
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