Good, bad, hilarious.

.

.

I am very glad I didn't bury Sassy yet.  I took her coffin out last night.  To again say goodbye, see her not hurting and at peace, as well to show Mittens (Marmalade).  Mittens sniffed, and put her paw on her... spent a bit of time with her, then took off.  She did very well.  She knew, but seeing is more sure.

Sleeping a lot.  The bad.  Covering for stress.  Dreaming of better things, times.  But resting very well.  Cooling enough to enjoy rest, sleep.  The sting is deep and painful.  It means I loved, still do.

One of the more difficult tasks.

.

.

I had Sassy put down today.  It's been... an understood necessity for months, nearing a year.  I knew it had to be done.  I scheduled it to give us a final two weeks, after stalling a month on top of that.  She knew.  She was ready.  She all but begged for it.  Neither of us, no matter our delays and preps and all, were ready.

I went with her, stayed with her.  Watched over her as she slept.  Stayed with her in form and spirit as she died.  I cooed as I could, prayed, cried.

Dreaming, living, forever.

.

.

Perhaps you remember when I suggested time, for me, moves slowly?  A day is more like a year, as I sense things.  Mother, and others, suggest, especially as they age, that time moves faster and faster.  I remember a few times in my life when that was true.  Months, a few years.  Mostly, though, for me, time has been an absolute crawl.  To the point, in an odd way, wherein I almost seem to remember what is going to happen better than what did happen?

I... think you would have to have... been, lived, there.

The weather!

.

.

She blows!  From the low hundred, to the sixties, to the nineties, to the seventies, to the nineties, eighties, seventies.  Jumping in days.  Three days ago it was 95 (supposed to be, got to 97 actually).  The day after, it was down o 84.  Yesterday was 74, and today is supposed to be the same.  Temperature variability is taking my legs out from under me.  Was already tired, from heat exhaustion.  These large swings are absolutely destroying me. 

Well, not... painfully.  I just need more, deeper, darker, sleep.  No real choice.  Was having leg cramps for a bit.  But have acclimated, mostly, to the cooler weather.  As well, am down to one part time ac, if also with a fan yet going.  If the fan is on a half not full setting.

On the edge of being very ill.

.

.

Have you ever had nausea on the periphery?  Some other senses of illness too.  As if poisoned, or coming down with something?  Or both.  Nothing full blown, a fully bloomed pathological condition(s), or not fully activated, but like a hazy day versus a clear one, something obviously distinct.  Causes or causes unknown?  Well, that has been the way of things for... quite some time. 

Not quite taking me to me knees, but not quite letting me get to my feet.  I thought, maybe, it was from taking too many painpills, in too short of a timespan.  But, no.  I have taken various sorts of those for the last four days.  And higher doses (not by daily allowance but by single doses).  However, I thought back.  I have been... on the edge of illness for... quite some time.  Painpills don't seem to have improved or deteriorated my condition.  Only made my tender feet a bit more manageable.