Awake, for a moment.

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Just a touch of very temporary lucidity before dropping back into the black.  A call, about whether I wanted pork in my beans.  No.  That can be added later, it can't be removed.  I was already... quietly awake.  Not able to get up, or I would have been.  I... like to be up.  When able.  Sometimes I coast, on the underside, or just the inside, of consciousness.  Sometimes without noticing that until an external factor... makes me become aware of the fact?  Something like that. 

If you have ever seen a cat sleeping in a semi upright position?  Then waved a hand before it, to see it then begin to track the hand while beginning to wake, animate?  Like that.  So it was.  The beans question was as the hand movement.

Rice.

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It turned out well.  The way I do it takes a lot of work, since I use about a gallon and a half of water, twice, plus the rice.  Draining the first portion of water as soon as it hits a boil, which takes between thirty and thirty five minutes.  Higher elevation adds time, and that large volume of grain and water is a bit to heat.

Cheese, butter, and soy sauce was added, to taste.  I don't drown it in soy sauce.  Though if you do, no shade on that.  I do it to taste, as you do.  Just variances of taste.  Oh, I cleaned the pot, putting beans to soak.

Awake for a while?

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Not comfortably.  Though when I try to recall the last time I was comfortable for even a whole week I fail.  Years, if not decades since I felt good for long, four decades since feeling good was... normal?  Oh, sometimes, the pains, strains, wrongness, is minor, or even background noise.  If I busy myself or don't think about it, or can concentrate diligently enough, I can believe I am... good.

I don't mind.  Sometimes pain is all I know.  If I have learned to work through, rest through, or sleep through even that.

Brutal.

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I had an appointment today.  Couldn't sleep well last night.  Not out of worry, for causes unknown.  So, when it was time to wake, I had to struggle.  I made it up, through a shower, dressed, and to town in time.  Just, on all accounts.

Mother asked for something.  Plus I wanted some things from the store.  She called and texted about getting milk, so I got that.  Was so terribly, horribly, tired on the drive home.  I did get our lists, to home, everything in, then on to bed.

So tired sleep hasn't arrived.  I thought, perhaps, blogging might relax me, shift something, burden something correctly.  Nope.  So absolutely exhausted, if with no chance to sleep quite yet. 

Later, or good night.  I am desperately hoping for the latter.

Four days in a row.

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Meals, one on each on the last four days.  Probably six or more like seven meals in the last three weeks total, including those.  Half full meals, half rather small meals.  From an egg, potato, and burger scramble to an oyster stew last night.  I went from 217 to 221 in that time.  Though blood sugar went from 106 to about 90 average over that time?  Yes.  Strange, but okay.  Blood sugar had been trending up, but I had only been testing it when trying new, potentially higher carb, foods.  So I decided to do a month steady, daily check, review.  It is steadily coming down, probably averaging about 90, fasting draw.

I had planned to get out yesterday.  While showering my legs nearly gave way.  Showering in the walk-in bath, I had a place to finish while sitting.  Sometimes those... sensations... pass.  Not this time.  So I had to call it off.  Then return to bed.  I was up later, had the stew, tea, and water, before returning to bed.  Couldn't stand, had difficulty breathing, was weak everywhere and completely, all at once.

An interesting dream.

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Not from this morning, from yesterday evening... or last night when that was more the afternoon or earlier evening?  Something like that.

My vehicle was stolen.  So one I name as friend helped by lending a vehicle, a large truck.  Some issues with it, just things I needed to sort, understand.  He cleared me on it's operations.

A second coffee, then gaming.

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Mother asked that I speak with her before I return to bed.  I had intended to do so.  I ended staying up what I thought was too late, so went on to bed.  But the food, or coffee, got to me.  Requiring me to return downstairs.  She called me on the way. 

Just wanted to know if, on my next trip to town, if she could tag along.  Sure, with caveats.  I won't wait hours for her, anywhere.  If she wants to shop?  Sure.  I'll drop her while I do whatever I need to do, expecting her to be done pretty much when I am ready to go.  No negotiating.  Or she'll have to find her own way home, again.  Zero tolerance for some things there days.

Up, for a bit.

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Sleep was heavy today.  I had hoped for more.  I had hoped to check on the appointments earlier in the day.  That wasn't done until nearly 15:00.  Only one appointment checked, if I found out later that I couldn't have checked the orher.  The business isn't open on Mondays.

Sleep, mostly.  Waking, reading, vids, from time to time.  The idea of getting up was there, the ability to do so was not.  As I have said, once I familiarized myself with the fundamental limits of my illnesses, I have... become comfortable in them.  I can, sometimes, push beyond the limits.  For short, sometimes long, stretches.

Better late than never.

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I called one of my two upcoming appointments.  I had feared a conflict.  Thankfully I was incorrect.  I now know, with certainty, the day and date of one.  I still need the other.  I just can't wake, to get out of bed, to check the other.  I don't have their number easily available either.  Ugh.

Exhausted.  In spite of sleeping so much.  I feel more like a butterfly on a cork board, pinned with a needle, after having been nearly put out in a killing jar first.  Neither did the job, but neither can I do much to resist.  Perhaps hope I was a rarity in the collection?

Food, coffee, a shower.

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Trimmed, shaved, brushed my teeth, and generally cleaned up.  Remembered meds.  Got in more water.  Have the various water jugs filled, the carafe and reservoir as well.  Reset my bed, if it needs more.  What was done tonight is what I could do.

I checked the trash and recycling, when about to take them to the curb.  They were strangely nearly empty.  So I didn't bother with them.

Fried eggs and canned corned beef hash.

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Not the healthiest.  Satisfying.  It's been a while since I ate a fuller meal, so... okay.   I need to get the trash and recycling to the curb.  Perhaps get a shower taken.  Brush my teeth, but a half hour after I finish the last of my meal, the fatted coffee.  Nearly done.

I tried the trick, with the reverse osmosis machine.  But saw that it was nearly finished, so manually ended the process.  Which was higher of a precipitate number that I prefer, if not beyond the pale.  And, sometimes, it lowers a bit during the process.  I saw it drop one point, as a fact, right before I switched it off.  Still... was slightly annoyed and it was nearly finished.  Still, would have liked to have seen if it would click off on it's own, before the count got into bad territory.