Drats.

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I didn't get the trash out last night.  I... thought it was still Saturday, maybe Sunday.  But, more, even if I knew, I couldn't have gotten to it.  Stuck, in bed.  That must mean I have been sleeping for three days now?  I wasn't up last night, or the night before?  Or so I believe.

Mom called.  I answered.  But there is nothing I can do about it currently.  I have been awake for shorter and longer periods through the days.  Just not able to actually be up and out of bed.  I have water up here, so that is that.

Dark, cool, raining?

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Can't be certain about rain.  Would have to find my glasses, then attempt to scour through the dark in an attempt to see.  Or, get up, go out, to much more accurately gauge facts.  But by sound and sense, I believe precipitation is or was recently likely.

No chance at waking.  Or, getting up.  Well, even finding my glasses for a look feels like a bit much.  I only found my phone because, as my hand was resting off my low to the ground sleeping platform, my hand stumbled upon it.  I merely meant to check the time.  But now write.

Awake for a very short spell.

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Not hungry.  I ate anyway.  I can never tell how long I will sleep.  Especially with the cool and dark possibly becoming the extended future patterns.  Beans and rice, with various spices, herbs, and cheese.  Not much, a smaller bowl.  An apple as well as a fatted coffee, what I could consume of the coffee.

I was asked what I wanted from the dairy.  But I had to see if I could find my withdrawal cash.  As I need to pay.  I couldn't get to that earlier, not until I woke a bit ago.  Even then, getting to that chore took a great deal of effort.  I, thankfully, found it.  Now I can send the order, and offer money.

She wanted help.

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Heard her.  Was able to get up for a short bit.  Wanted to get water for up here as well.  So it was a deal.  She offered breakfast, I... didn't really want or need that.  Shd finished her and what was to be my portion.  A quick few things, then I grabbed a twelve pack of water and back to bed. 

I will browse a bit.  Watch the world from my little second story tower.  Polish off a water.  Then tuck and sleep for a day or three, week, two, more?  Who knows.

A few hours awake.

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That will be it for that.  I did have a bit of rice, fruit, and a fatted coffee.  Not much, but something.  Blood sugar was a bit high.  But, to make it home yesterday... or the day before?  I had to drink regular soda.  I was nearly falling asleep.  Still, at 106, I am not terribly worried.

Surprised mother didn't wake, or call out.  Either sleeping well, herself.  Or just not wishing to bother, or speak, with me.  No, I get it, either way.  I prefer quiet, so all good by me in any case.  Not antisocial, I simply don't need socialization.  And, prefer it less from those I cannot trust.  Love isn't a word, thought, but a truth, based on good faith, right deeds, and such.

Awake, for a moment.

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Just a touch of very temporary lucidity before dropping back into the black.  A call, about whether I wanted pork in my beans.  No.  That can be added later, it can't be removed.  I was already... quietly awake.  Not able to get up, or I would have been.  I... like to be up.  When able.  Sometimes I coast, on the underside, or just the inside, of consciousness.  Sometimes without noticing that until an external factor... makes me become aware of the fact?  Something like that. 

If you have ever seen a cat sleeping in a semi upright position?  Then waved a hand before it, to see it then begin to track the hand while beginning to wake, animate?  Like that.  So it was.  The beans question was as the hand movement.

Rice.

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It turned out well.  The way I do it takes a lot of work, since I use about a gallon and a half of water, twice, plus the rice.  Draining the first portion of water as soon as it hits a boil, which takes between thirty and thirty five minutes.  Higher elevation adds time, and that large volume of grain and water is a bit to heat.

Cheese, butter, and soy sauce was added, to taste.  I don't drown it in soy sauce.  Though if you do, no shade on that.  I do it to taste, as you do.  Just variances of taste.  Oh, I cleaned the pot, putting beans to soak.

Awake for a while?

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Not comfortably.  Though when I try to recall the last time I was comfortable for even a whole week I fail.  Years, if not decades since I felt good for long, four decades since feeling good was... normal?  Oh, sometimes, the pains, strains, wrongness, is minor, or even background noise.  If I busy myself or don't think about it, or can concentrate diligently enough, I can believe I am... good.

I don't mind.  Sometimes pain is all I know.  If I have learned to work through, rest through, or sleep through even that.

Brutal.

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I had an appointment today.  Couldn't sleep well last night.  Not out of worry, for causes unknown.  So, when it was time to wake, I had to struggle.  I made it up, through a shower, dressed, and to town in time.  Just, on all accounts.

Mother asked for something.  Plus I wanted some things from the store.  She called and texted about getting milk, so I got that.  Was so terribly, horribly, tired on the drive home.  I did get our lists, to home, everything in, then on to bed.

So tired sleep hasn't arrived.  I thought, perhaps, blogging might relax me, shift something, burden something correctly.  Nope.  So absolutely exhausted, if with no chance to sleep quite yet. 

Later, or good night.  I am desperately hoping for the latter.