.
.
Throttle cable, or so I was told. Oh well. I couldn't wake until 15:30ish. I tried, several times. I heard the machine kicked over. Wanted to get up and visit. Went to roll out the other side. I fell asleep in the roll, waking some time later to silence. It looked like a lot of snow, but I was told it was an inch to two depending on where.
I best get all fed and otherwise tended. I would like to hit the ducks twice, with fresh water, today. One of the times will be in the dark, but they seem to find it. As well, I am hoping to push through so as to get them fresh water in the morning. They deserve good care, and I usually offer it.
Strange how tending animals leads to... a better nature. Hired hands seem to begin to hate animals. Although the work can become overwhelming. Not for me, for now. I have heard there is a great demand for duck eggs. I am just not sure how sustainable the business model is, how many ducks I can practically raise, and that I don't want to have them lay in the winter, which isn't good for business.
Odd, but foodies, who demand organic etc, in real life don't care about anything but certifications and volume. They certainly don't care about your flock or herd, or actually natural processes. That would be our job, or often not... money, money, money. Of course, if I went with a mix of meat and egg birds... but only if I could find a meat processor who would do the culling. And it doesn't pay well. It would be a hobby, but would pay for itself... in theory.
Life isn't about winning. Can't win... of flesh. Everybody, even God if you believe Jesus was God, will die if He comes in flesh, to the world as it is. Angels and their children too. It isn't about winning, or losing. It is about finding a better way... through life... and some of us believe, know, a better way even through death.
Ducks, pets, friends, family... each offers some things to improve one's lot. An opportunity. I prefer opportunities, as I may. Right, of to tend my opportunities.
Good day, evening, dinner, company, and life. Later.
Saturday, December 14, 2019
No sleep.
.
.
In spite of excess sleep, I wanted more. I wanted sleep almost since waking. It just wasn't possible. Is it mind versus body? Does spirit take a side? The body said not just no, but hell no. The mind hurts. It has a strange weariness. Medicine, of all sorts, are going in rightly, if roughly. Probably to negative effects for now.
I have been eating. Showering every other day, if more would be better. When meds shut my body down, things don't work well. Still, I have limits. The ducks are only getting one tending a day. It's what I can do. The cats get more, usually. They have strangely become patient with me.
Not much else I can say. Have a good weekend. I am attempting to get sleep, medication, and paperwork on track. Good night and Godspeed.
.
In spite of excess sleep, I wanted more. I wanted sleep almost since waking. It just wasn't possible. Is it mind versus body? Does spirit take a side? The body said not just no, but hell no. The mind hurts. It has a strange weariness. Medicine, of all sorts, are going in rightly, if roughly. Probably to negative effects for now.
I have been eating. Showering every other day, if more would be better. When meds shut my body down, things don't work well. Still, I have limits. The ducks are only getting one tending a day. It's what I can do. The cats get more, usually. They have strangely become patient with me.
Not much else I can say. Have a good weekend. I am attempting to get sleep, medication, and paperwork on track. Good night and Godspeed.
Friday, December 13, 2019
Missed.
.
.
Not by > . < that much, but by a country mile. I had up to twelve hours for sleep, if I didn't think it would be needed. I had two alarms set, the last... with an half hour of snoozes... would get me up with an half hour to shower and shove off. As difficult as things have been, and still making it, I had absolutely no doubt about this.
I only remember hearing one alarm. My brother called, two hours before the first alarm was to sound. We had a good if short conversation. I am not sure what alarm, or snooze, I heard. I don't remember what I did about it. Usually, if I can't think, I just hit the big old easy snooze button. When thinking is unreasonable, it's as logical as it gets!
I woke, ignoring a potentially three hour drive to get there, an hour after the scheduled appointment. Between the first alarm and sleep, plus an half hour to settle, I had twelve hours... call that twelve and an half hours. Then an hour between alarms, and an half hour of snoozes and allotment after those snoozes. Plus three hours for travel. Then the hour after the appointment. I slept, 12 1/2 + 1 + 1/2 + 1/2 + 3 + 1 = 18 1/2 hours? Really? It's been a while since I have slept like that.
I did wake several times, before and after I was late, if without help from the alarms. I tried to wake. It was as if my body was stuck in nearly dry concrete. It just wouldn't budge! Medicine? Weather? Well, on top of pushing recently. Probably a bit of each. Gah! Injury to insult? Despite my efforts, intentions, I have an headache from sleeping too long!
Blood sugar is a bit high. I was a bad boy, rolls. Just plain ones, but... with hamburgers. Still, nicely below 200, so... Bleh. Later.
.
Not by > . < that much, but by a country mile. I had up to twelve hours for sleep, if I didn't think it would be needed. I had two alarms set, the last... with an half hour of snoozes... would get me up with an half hour to shower and shove off. As difficult as things have been, and still making it, I had absolutely no doubt about this.
I only remember hearing one alarm. My brother called, two hours before the first alarm was to sound. We had a good if short conversation. I am not sure what alarm, or snooze, I heard. I don't remember what I did about it. Usually, if I can't think, I just hit the big old easy snooze button. When thinking is unreasonable, it's as logical as it gets!
I woke, ignoring a potentially three hour drive to get there, an hour after the scheduled appointment. Between the first alarm and sleep, plus an half hour to settle, I had twelve hours... call that twelve and an half hours. Then an hour between alarms, and an half hour of snoozes and allotment after those snoozes. Plus three hours for travel. Then the hour after the appointment. I slept, 12 1/2 + 1 + 1/2 + 1/2 + 3 + 1 = 18 1/2 hours? Really? It's been a while since I have slept like that.
I did wake several times, before and after I was late, if without help from the alarms. I tried to wake. It was as if my body was stuck in nearly dry concrete. It just wouldn't budge! Medicine? Weather? Well, on top of pushing recently. Probably a bit of each. Gah! Injury to insult? Despite my efforts, intentions, I have an headache from sleeping too long!
Blood sugar is a bit high. I was a bad boy, rolls. Just plain ones, but... with hamburgers. Still, nicely below 200, so... Bleh. Later.
Thursday, December 12, 2019
Not much.
.
.
So very tired. Yet sleep isn't possible, yet.
I did get the grill going. It took five attempts. So wet out there, it just choked fire. Hamburgers. I didn't overdo them this time. Overdone burgers, especially grilled, are difficult to eat. These were good. I may yet have a salad. Avocado, onion, mayo, and mustard made for a good dinner.
With my store gone, if the new (to me) is good, I am exploring their brands. They do have the fruit brands I used to eat, but also their store brand. I am not sure about taste or label truth, so I am comparing. I went with greek yogurt and no sugar added pineapple. No choice for the yogurt, but it was a brand I know and trust. Unfortunately, I think the store brand fruit is too sweet... which means it may not work. Though I will try other fruits, even this one again. Perhaps potatoes are still cursing my blood.
Meds are going in. Yes, they are being difficult. Making life, the brain, sluggish. But it has been worse. No sun for days doesn't help. And, of course sleep being so off. I will keep at it. I am doing the absolute best I can do. Hmm, I may see if the battery charger works on the new battery, while seeing if the new battery is ready. I may try to charge the old battery while at it, over the weekend. Ugh.
Later. Good night if not.
.
So very tired. Yet sleep isn't possible, yet.
I did get the grill going. It took five attempts. So wet out there, it just choked fire. Hamburgers. I didn't overdo them this time. Overdone burgers, especially grilled, are difficult to eat. These were good. I may yet have a salad. Avocado, onion, mayo, and mustard made for a good dinner.
With my store gone, if the new (to me) is good, I am exploring their brands. They do have the fruit brands I used to eat, but also their store brand. I am not sure about taste or label truth, so I am comparing. I went with greek yogurt and no sugar added pineapple. No choice for the yogurt, but it was a brand I know and trust. Unfortunately, I think the store brand fruit is too sweet... which means it may not work. Though I will try other fruits, even this one again. Perhaps potatoes are still cursing my blood.
Meds are going in. Yes, they are being difficult. Making life, the brain, sluggish. But it has been worse. No sun for days doesn't help. And, of course sleep being so off. I will keep at it. I am doing the absolute best I can do. Hmm, I may see if the battery charger works on the new battery, while seeing if the new battery is ready. I may try to charge the old battery while at it, over the weekend. Ugh.
Later. Good night if not.
Almost.
.
.
Another appointment. Wouldn't have mattered when. It was more about being both awake and able to function. Two out of two is required. I was able to be awake, but couldn't get out. A shower, even a trip to the post office, but I was failing. The crash was coming so very fast. The trip to the post office was a test. Amazing how fast cold weather will help shut things down, or revivify if the body is ready.
Ducks were fed etc. Cats too. Then I slept so hard it almost hurt. I can't be sure how long, waking at ~14:15. I think I went down very shortly after 8:00? I am only awake because I have been twisting, shoving, a pulling my sleeping and waking hours so brutally that my body doesn't know when to be awake or asleep.
I'll try to figure a few things out. I rescheduled the appointment before I was late. I need to find paperwork. My mother called, left a message to call back. Blood sugar is too high, 198 fasting. Potatoes. Lots of potatoes. With the corned beef. And carrots. At least it wasn't sugar and it is gone. That was my Christmas feast.
I... best get to waking. Oh, the thigh high compression socks are required. I can't help but think I one of the three muskateers while wearing them. Have to don them, shorter ones were beginning to deform the high calf area rather than expel the fluid. Sure hurts to put them on. But it works fast. I have found that about twelve to twenty four on and off, with medicine, is best. If I think I need to up the waterpill dose for a few more days.
On to... something? Later. Or good night.
.
Another appointment. Wouldn't have mattered when. It was more about being both awake and able to function. Two out of two is required. I was able to be awake, but couldn't get out. A shower, even a trip to the post office, but I was failing. The crash was coming so very fast. The trip to the post office was a test. Amazing how fast cold weather will help shut things down, or revivify if the body is ready.
Ducks were fed etc. Cats too. Then I slept so hard it almost hurt. I can't be sure how long, waking at ~14:15. I think I went down very shortly after 8:00? I am only awake because I have been twisting, shoving, a pulling my sleeping and waking hours so brutally that my body doesn't know when to be awake or asleep.
I'll try to figure a few things out. I rescheduled the appointment before I was late. I need to find paperwork. My mother called, left a message to call back. Blood sugar is too high, 198 fasting. Potatoes. Lots of potatoes. With the corned beef. And carrots. At least it wasn't sugar and it is gone. That was my Christmas feast.
I... best get to waking. Oh, the thigh high compression socks are required. I can't help but think I one of the three muskateers while wearing them. Have to don them, shorter ones were beginning to deform the high calf area rather than expel the fluid. Sure hurts to put them on. But it works fast. I have found that about twelve to twenty four on and off, with medicine, is best. If I think I need to up the waterpill dose for a few more days.
On to... something? Later. Or good night.
Wednesday, December 11, 2019
Success isn't always what it seems.
.
.
I have been able to manipulate sleep and waking cycles to make appointments. However, in doing so, I have lost almost total control, even influence, over everything else. I am eating, sleeping, and awake as if an animal. I have one last appointment to make, and one set of paperwork to do, then I can devolve to winter mode caveman living.
I have attempted to manage life. There simply isn't a way, means of manipulation, as driving on ice after finding an ice patch at speed. I didn't wake until noon. I have no idea when I went to bed. I just remembered medicine, save insulin. Blood sugar was a bit high at 178 but not bad with corned beef and fixings.
Slipping and sliding. I had hoped to be to bed about now. I have to stay awake for four more hours, so as to take night meds. An early rise again. If possible.
Not sure what is up with the girls. Spoiled, lately, but at least Sam is being mean. Perhaps Sassy, but if so, not to my knowledge. Weird how they get. Later, or good night.
.
I have been able to manipulate sleep and waking cycles to make appointments. However, in doing so, I have lost almost total control, even influence, over everything else. I am eating, sleeping, and awake as if an animal. I have one last appointment to make, and one set of paperwork to do, then I can devolve to winter mode caveman living.
I have attempted to manage life. There simply isn't a way, means of manipulation, as driving on ice after finding an ice patch at speed. I didn't wake until noon. I have no idea when I went to bed. I just remembered medicine, save insulin. Blood sugar was a bit high at 178 but not bad with corned beef and fixings.
Slipping and sliding. I had hoped to be to bed about now. I have to stay awake for four more hours, so as to take night meds. An early rise again. If possible.
Not sure what is up with the girls. Spoiled, lately, but at least Sam is being mean. Perhaps Sassy, but if so, not to my knowledge. Weird how they get. Later, or good night.
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
Wonky, if functionally.
.
.
I missed my last appointment. This doctor is leaving too, if not by choice? I was able to reset and see him a final time. Now, with all that has been happening, just starting meds, and sleep completely off the rails, I wasn't sure about making it. I slept when able, setting two alarm clocks.
Surprises. Not only did I wake, I woke on the first sounding of the first alarm. I got to a shower quickly, and was dressed and ready to go in time to feed and water all critters.
BP was better. 180/100 isn't great, but it beats 207/145 by a goodly shot. Especially without meds immediately. I just couldn't put it together. They, all of them, here and there, worry about suicide. As discussed, I have... a deal with God. Life and death are His. Suffering... is part of my road to humility... and truth. No, suicide just isn't in the program.
After, shopping. I need charcoal yet. As well, I didn't find chuck roast that was satisfactory. My old store closed. This new one, a long time competing neighbor, has improved without the excessive stress of such intense rivalry. The only thing, to my mind, they don't do well, is chuck. It looks and tastes more like round, trimmed to lean, and without marbling at all. I will be shopping around for that. A good chuck is a very beefy cheaper cut, their version is as cardboard. Still, most else is good enough to superior.
Beside meats, canned veggies and fruits without added sweeteners, plain greek yogurt and cottage cheese, salad makings, all sorts of food. I was rather low. Now I am nearly broke. But I have a bit to eat. It should carry me a while. I tried something new, ever... pomegranates. I remember, as a very young one, watching Greg G. get them from a grocer and eat them. He wouldn't share. I have always been curious. Not my favorite, messy, but... different.
Oh, I forgot to pay the doc. I'll be back soon. I am making corned beef, with cabbage, carrots, and potatoes. It'll be a bit. Wasn't thinking about how long it would take, or how late it was, until it was too far along. The beeper for potatoes and carrots. In an hour, cabbage and mushrooms for the last half hour.
Later or good night.
.
I missed my last appointment. This doctor is leaving too, if not by choice? I was able to reset and see him a final time. Now, with all that has been happening, just starting meds, and sleep completely off the rails, I wasn't sure about making it. I slept when able, setting two alarm clocks.
Surprises. Not only did I wake, I woke on the first sounding of the first alarm. I got to a shower quickly, and was dressed and ready to go in time to feed and water all critters.
BP was better. 180/100 isn't great, but it beats 207/145 by a goodly shot. Especially without meds immediately. I just couldn't put it together. They, all of them, here and there, worry about suicide. As discussed, I have... a deal with God. Life and death are His. Suffering... is part of my road to humility... and truth. No, suicide just isn't in the program.
After, shopping. I need charcoal yet. As well, I didn't find chuck roast that was satisfactory. My old store closed. This new one, a long time competing neighbor, has improved without the excessive stress of such intense rivalry. The only thing, to my mind, they don't do well, is chuck. It looks and tastes more like round, trimmed to lean, and without marbling at all. I will be shopping around for that. A good chuck is a very beefy cheaper cut, their version is as cardboard. Still, most else is good enough to superior.
Beside meats, canned veggies and fruits without added sweeteners, plain greek yogurt and cottage cheese, salad makings, all sorts of food. I was rather low. Now I am nearly broke. But I have a bit to eat. It should carry me a while. I tried something new, ever... pomegranates. I remember, as a very young one, watching Greg G. get them from a grocer and eat them. He wouldn't share. I have always been curious. Not my favorite, messy, but... different.
Oh, I forgot to pay the doc. I'll be back soon. I am making corned beef, with cabbage, carrots, and potatoes. It'll be a bit. Wasn't thinking about how long it would take, or how late it was, until it was too far along. The beeper for potatoes and carrots. In an hour, cabbage and mushrooms for the last half hour.
Later or good night.
Monday, December 9, 2019
Back to medicine.
.
.
Yes. I said I would start again when returning. Couldn't think in that way until today. I am starting at 6.x mg, morning and night, of the hard stuff. The rest of the medicine at regular full values, except extra waterpills for a few days. I am taking daily mineral supplements, over daily vitamins and minerals, for the first two weeks. Being low on potassium means these may be low to, but either way these help with that, especially when taking extra waterpills.
Blood sugar was 148 fasting. It is almost back down to where it was. It is being odd though. Patience... I need to eat and dose, but I... just... I want food, I guess. My mind does. My body is telling me my stomach is stone. That it wouldn't know what to do with food. Please, don't send anything. Perhaps a very light fatted coffee and an ounce of nuts? Bleh.
Dark out there. Not as dark as it could be, but certainly not bright. It actually isn't a part of the problem currently. Nor is the temperature. It's in the 20's to 30's, which for giants, ogres, and sech, quite pleasant. Rain or melting snow/slush can be killjoys, and heavy or even a steady wind, can make even such pleasant temps uncomfortable to worse. But it is nice when I have been out.
The battery charger is here. Surprisingly arrived early. I am generally on the late route... rout? Anyway... I... will get it going when I can. Still pretty wrecked. Medicine is one thing. Figuring out a new contraption, pulling a battery, and setting it all up safely, are different matters. Soon.
I may take a nap shortly. Ugh. If I can. Sometimes, often, choices are slim, or nonexistent. I want a nap, if that counts? Oh, aspirin too. That I can do. Later.
.
Yes. I said I would start again when returning. Couldn't think in that way until today. I am starting at 6.x mg, morning and night, of the hard stuff. The rest of the medicine at regular full values, except extra waterpills for a few days. I am taking daily mineral supplements, over daily vitamins and minerals, for the first two weeks. Being low on potassium means these may be low to, but either way these help with that, especially when taking extra waterpills.
Blood sugar was 148 fasting. It is almost back down to where it was. It is being odd though. Patience... I need to eat and dose, but I... just... I want food, I guess. My mind does. My body is telling me my stomach is stone. That it wouldn't know what to do with food. Please, don't send anything. Perhaps a very light fatted coffee and an ounce of nuts? Bleh.
Dark out there. Not as dark as it could be, but certainly not bright. It actually isn't a part of the problem currently. Nor is the temperature. It's in the 20's to 30's, which for giants, ogres, and sech, quite pleasant. Rain or melting snow/slush can be killjoys, and heavy or even a steady wind, can make even such pleasant temps uncomfortable to worse. But it is nice when I have been out.
The battery charger is here. Surprisingly arrived early. I am generally on the late route... rout? Anyway... I... will get it going when I can. Still pretty wrecked. Medicine is one thing. Figuring out a new contraption, pulling a battery, and setting it all up safely, are different matters. Soon.
I may take a nap shortly. Ugh. If I can. Sometimes, often, choices are slim, or nonexistent. I want a nap, if that counts? Oh, aspirin too. That I can do. Later.
Sunday, December 8, 2019
Running a bit late.
.
.
Then again I was awake late dealing with diabetes. Ducks were fed and watered. Their water wasn't frozen. It was 36° F, though. Still, surprised it didn't freeze overnight. I think, if they get fresh water right before dark, it is relatively quite warm, what we might call a sauna, so they use (and abuse) it. That is what it is for. I need a couple bags more feed. With mice etc being excluded, mostly, feed lasts a lot longer. I still need to trap out there.
The timer is set to feed the girls. Their litter was finally changed, and treats are again in stock and being dispensed. Truth is, they are fed and otherwise tended better than I am. If I can only care for one group, the critters get first dibs. Not always perfect, but they... don't have it too bad. Far better than in the wilds.
Blood sugar crept up again. At 189 fasting, I will have to work on it. No major problem, given yesterday. Back to begging a downward trend, but less than two hundred. Though it may continue to climb, a little to a lot, the next few days. It... just does as it pleases, when it chooses, sometimes. I can only do what I can.
Still a bit rough. A mild headache, slight nausea, minor feverishness, muscle and joint pain... this could be something along the lines of flu, or that recurring 'infection'. Both can have these symptoms. I am not sure if I have one or several bugs. I am not sure if it was from experimental vaccines or raw exposure. I have been in some ugly places, lands of death where I am all but sure most of the population is diseased. That, if I had to guess, is the majority cause for simpler paganism, hoodoo, and voodoo. If I didn't know better...
So why God? Many reasons. Not necessarily those in the church, but definitely God and the church. Even Christ had Judas, though even his Rock failed. I think Christ wanted us to know, recognize, snakes in places of power, to understand, one day, there would be nothing else. When families are discouraged, pedophilia adopted, fundamentalism deigned sinful, you know you walk in shadows.
I have been watering my houseplants, getting them back into order. I found their food spikes and gave them a couple per, plus another slightly above room temp shower. They are looking much better. I really need to get hooks up, put them out here. I'd like to get a dozen more, but they are a bit pricey. I could split some off, but I also want some variety. Later.
.
Then again I was awake late dealing with diabetes. Ducks were fed and watered. Their water wasn't frozen. It was 36° F, though. Still, surprised it didn't freeze overnight. I think, if they get fresh water right before dark, it is relatively quite warm, what we might call a sauna, so they use (and abuse) it. That is what it is for. I need a couple bags more feed. With mice etc being excluded, mostly, feed lasts a lot longer. I still need to trap out there.
The timer is set to feed the girls. Their litter was finally changed, and treats are again in stock and being dispensed. Truth is, they are fed and otherwise tended better than I am. If I can only care for one group, the critters get first dibs. Not always perfect, but they... don't have it too bad. Far better than in the wilds.
Blood sugar crept up again. At 189 fasting, I will have to work on it. No major problem, given yesterday. Back to begging a downward trend, but less than two hundred. Though it may continue to climb, a little to a lot, the next few days. It... just does as it pleases, when it chooses, sometimes. I can only do what I can.
Still a bit rough. A mild headache, slight nausea, minor feverishness, muscle and joint pain... this could be something along the lines of flu, or that recurring 'infection'. Both can have these symptoms. I am not sure if I have one or several bugs. I am not sure if it was from experimental vaccines or raw exposure. I have been in some ugly places, lands of death where I am all but sure most of the population is diseased. That, if I had to guess, is the majority cause for simpler paganism, hoodoo, and voodoo. If I didn't know better...
So why God? Many reasons. Not necessarily those in the church, but definitely God and the church. Even Christ had Judas, though even his Rock failed. I think Christ wanted us to know, recognize, snakes in places of power, to understand, one day, there would be nothing else. When families are discouraged, pedophilia adopted, fundamentalism deigned sinful, you know you walk in shadows.
I have been watering my houseplants, getting them back into order. I found their food spikes and gave them a couple per, plus another slightly above room temp shower. They are looking much better. I really need to get hooks up, put them out here. I'd like to get a dozen more, but they are a bit pricey. I could split some off, but I also want some variety. Later.
Wow. Freaky.
.
.
As mentioned, my blood sugar was high. So, with dinner, I gave it a more solid dose, as per my usual. As I was thinking about bed, I was feeling... off... like food that had been left out. Blood sugar had fallen to 59. I felt off, not horrible. Glad I checked. Problem. I just ate, no room for more food.
Aha, carb tabs. Perfect for this. So... I had one. Then two more, then two more. I couldn't stop! I probably, no kidding, ate twenty! I knew my blood sugar would be shot. Still, had to test it. A few hours, threeish, later, and it was 148? I expected the high hundreds, perhaps into three hundred. Wow. I must have seriously needed them.
I will have another small meal and a small dose. Weird happenings. Gotta be careful.
Then on to bed. Good night.
.
As mentioned, my blood sugar was high. So, with dinner, I gave it a more solid dose, as per my usual. As I was thinking about bed, I was feeling... off... like food that had been left out. Blood sugar had fallen to 59. I felt off, not horrible. Glad I checked. Problem. I just ate, no room for more food.
Aha, carb tabs. Perfect for this. So... I had one. Then two more, then two more. I couldn't stop! I probably, no kidding, ate twenty! I knew my blood sugar would be shot. Still, had to test it. A few hours, threeish, later, and it was 148? I expected the high hundreds, perhaps into three hundred. Wow. I must have seriously needed them.
I will have another small meal and a small dose. Weird happenings. Gotta be careful.
Then on to bed. Good night.
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