Yes, well?

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I didn't do any work.  But I did get the shower, as mentioned.  As well, I got some food heated and down.  Nothing fancy.  It was difficult to eat, but... I really needed some food.  I haven't pulled anything else out yet, but may yet tonight.

Gaming, mostly.  Didn't need to turn any ac on until... like... 20:00, after a bit.  Crazy.  Then I needed just a touch.  Here at 22:30, or that was a bit ago, I checked.  It is cool enough to open up, so I did.  Upstairs is hot, so I put the ac on up there, for a bit as I prepare for bed.

Just have to do that.  It was 77.  Opening the windows, and zipping the fans on high, just wouldn't cool it off enough, up there, to help.

I did get the shower.

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No beard trimming, no shave, no dishes yet... or laundry.  But I feel good?  No energy, but I do feel good.

After drying well enough, I got compression socks on.  Nothing fancy, but it works.  I checked my legs, while at it.  Yes, still... a good deal of water in there.  We'll get back on it.  Though, when weighing in, I am at least below 260 again, at 257.x.  I don't remember what "x" is, just that... it was a number, I believe larger than zero.  I would guess I still have ten pounds of water weight, minimally, in there.  Probably more like twenty.  I'll see about getting that out and managed.  When you can barely stand, doing more is... difficult.

Odd, today.  It is 90 out there.  It is 70/72 down here, 74 near the computer.  I... don't have the ac running?  Very, very strange.  Neither of them.  A few fans.  I opened the window a bit, while showering.  No effect.  Very strange.  I'll take it.  If I only have to run fans, life is good.  But at 90?  After days of the high 80s to low 90s?  It's not like the world cooled off for a bit, then popped up.  Strange.  Gladly take it.

Awake at ten.

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My days are slipping.  Too tired to wake early, staying up just a bit later each night.  In part as heat migrates. In an attempt to make sure I open up to the cool of the night, staying up later is almost required.  Though, last night, it had cooled to at least the low 70s by 21:30.  I could have gone on to bed, but am... stuck in the game.

Midnight, when I went down, no later than two, I should think?  I just can't... remember.  I'll try to get to bed earlier tonight.

I left the door to the downstairs open, and kitteh came up to wake me this morning.  A good thing too, I wouldn't have made it up without my intrepid tiger lily gur cat.  She got a nice body itch and massage out of it, and was allowed to sing her need for food and lovin'.  She is so certain sometimes.  I diminute her, a bit.  But not in seriousness.  Much as I reduce women, at times.  Well, they each have their place, title, tags, and standing.  Though, each, to a man, can be and should be set aside.  Funny thing is, women who believe they are equal either find a man who they consider master and their better... or they live in misery.  Cats... not so much.  :p

Feeling a bit better, day over day.  Still recovering, but hoping to get along a bit more today.  Never took that shower, will shortly.  Then set up dishes.  Laundry will be started in a bit.  I'll... get there.  Then back to gaming, staying cool enough to live, drinking just enough fluid, and maybe sorting some food out for later.

What day is it?  Wednesday?  Cool.  Wait, no... it's... Saturday.  How, mass.  I will try to make it.  No guarantee.  But, starting with a shower, early, may help.  The 15th?  I think, let me... yes.  It's the 15th.  I got half it right, right out of bed.  Good.

Yes, on to a shower.  Trim first, a rest, then a shower?  I will see, might be able to do both, especially with a shower stool in the shower.  Can sit if needed.  And, want to get it done, let my feet dry, so I can put compression socks on again.  I've been going without lately, if, mostly, I haven't been swelling.  With it cooler, I haven't been pounding the water down.

Hmm, a coffee, then a look around, first.  Get my bearings and heart pumping.

Trying to remember...

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When was the last time I was out of the house?  I think it was for a quick run for food, groceries.  Two weeks ago, three?  Five?  I... just can't be certain.  And, it had been weeks before that, and... week before that.  Back to when I was able to make it to church regularly.  Five, eight, ten weeks ago?

I have been pretty done in and down.  But, things really are improving.

No work today.  Nor a shower.  Yet.  I think I'll get a shower before long.  And, probably set up some dishes.  Maybe start a load of laundry.  I'll take the smaller vacuum cleaner upstairs.  It doesn't need a vacuum cleaner bag, so that should be easier.  And, it is much lighter, much more maneuverable.  I'd like to clear the floor, vacuum, and reset the upstairs... in the next few days.

Still better.

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Still recovering.  But, more like as if recovery has reinitiated.  It had been stopped for a bit.  Now it is back on track.  But, it is just recovery.  I am not... fixed... yet.

I also was given the notion that my home is poisoned.  I... need to sort that out.  Airing is good, but not enough.  Cleaning is what is needed.  A difficult trick.  We will see.  But, yes, that... will be part of my recovery.  Cleaning, when I can get to it.

This front room stays warm.  It is 76.  The rest of the house stays about 72, with the ac on a middle temp, on energy saver.  Though it is getting later and later before I can open up.  Which means I will either lose day/night schedule attempting to open it up when it cools enough, or just letting it run on low all night.  I won't go back to sweating to death.  No, I'll... figure it out.

What a dream!

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I tell you, with how bad health has been, I was... expecting to die.  Soon.  It has been weeks, months, of poor health.  The heart, mostly.  Went through some flu-like symptoms a bit ago.  Cleared up.  But a feverishness returned.  From that.  It was so many things going so wrong.

Then, going through the heat?  Even when I was able to cool off, from that, I had to recover, and just... wasn't.  I was expecting to die.  Still am, but... maybe not.

The dream.  Dream?  I... don't think it was a dream.  But... something may have changed, from the course, cause, and nature of it.

Something is very wrong.

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Lungs burn.  More like from a fever.  Neck, bones, else, are sore, as if I have the flu.  I don't think it is the flu, or covid.  Just... some sort of low level infection.

But, the heart?  That's weird.  When I leave over, so as to pick something off the ground?  It feels like my heart will come out of a pocket it is in.  It does some very odd things.  Something is really off.

I had forgotten to take medicine.  Mostly.  I got back on it tonight.  No waterpills, not right before bedtime.  Peeing enough, as it is, lately, at night.  Not... a lot, in volume, just frequent.  Not sure what is up with that either.

Punching bag.

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Whether I am losing actual weight, I can't say.  I haven't checked in a bit.  Won't, until I am feeling human again.  What I am certain about is that I am losing fat around the midsection.  Pounds, decades, in more than one way, of pounds, of it.  Which... is good.  As mentioned, what is off-putting is that I am used to having padding.  Internal.  That is going.  Not gone, but cut in half, maybe more.

I really am wearing medium pajama bottoms.  Supposed to be 32/34.  I don't think they are that, but probably 34/36.  Which... is still... down from 40/42, or at best occasionally 38/40 waists.  That is skipped two sizes down.  And, the size next up won't stay on.

Now, I still have a lot of belly fat.  But, I have probably lost forty pounds of the sixty or seventy to lose?  Probably.  But my innards hurt.  I have had that fat in there for nearly forty years, since they put me falsely on lithium.  That stuff will fatten you up like almost nothing else they could do.  And, knowing psychiatry and psychology are bogus, and they do... the practitioners... they were doing harm, with no possible good outcome.  Everyone they have, and are, dosing... well... It would be good if there were legal ramifications, social, economic.  But the thing is too big.  They would never let hospitals, which are already going under, take that hit.

Okay, learning.

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It was around 16:30~17:30 when I needed to hit the air, for real.  Before then it had been on a higher temp, and on energy saver, from earlier midafternoon.  It stayed around 72 in the main, but this front room is up to 79/81 near the machine?  It doesn't feel like it.  And, is pleasant, after too much time in the cool?  Odd, but I'll take it.

Upstairs is 79.  I just started the ac up there.  Hoping to be to bed in an hour or two.  Should be cool enough by then.  And, anyway, will turn off the ac and open the windows...  Some of them.  Should be just fine.

As well, outside it just hit 66.  So I have opened everything up and turned off the ac.  Even while the pork roast and chicken finishes.  That should work out just fine.  Life is pleasant.  I am getting better.

To bed, earlier?

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Ah, but I want to cook food.  Hungry?  No, but... need food.  Should eat.  Pork roast, and chicken, to see me through several days.  Drumsticks.  I'll need to brine the chicken.  That... really helps, with chicken being questionable these days.  Brining really helps.  No, I have been using fresh chicken.  Right from the store, never thawed (by me) until I go to use it.  

I suppose I could get the pork roast baking, first off.  Then, put the chicken in with it, after it has brined, then been dried and spiced.  The place will smell divine!  And, I could shower after the finishing the chicken, and getting it in.  Should work well enough.

I wrote a post, and meant to send it out, but that just didn't happen.  The gist of it, was that I was having to practice with when, and how much, to use the ac.  The ac hasn't been on, upstairs, at all.  I'll turn it on a few hours before bedtime.  Then maybe shut if off when I go up... if it is cool enough outside.

Why does it hurt so much?

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Torso, mostly.  Breathing is good.  Heart is a bit tired/sore.  But the torso, inner parts, are sore, as if I got bucked off a horse and fell wrong.  Yes, I know that that feels like.  Rough riding broke horses for a few years, I learned.  Or a fistfight, against several guys.  Win, lose, or draw, it'll hurt.  But, yes, that is the problem today.

May take a few days to get better, or week.  From whatever ails me.

It is 85 outside.  But a nice day, now that the house is staying better.  I only have three fans going, and the front door still open just a crack.  The upstairs is all shut off.  All the windows downstairs too.  And, it is 72/73 down here.  Nice, really.  I figure, before long, I'll have to turn the ac on.  So be it.

I reset the kefir.  Since I hadn't been changing it frequently, the grains needed washed.  And washed they were.  R.O. water, three or four times.  Then, three or four rinses of a cup or two of milk.   Finally, when I was satisfied with their look and feel, and the jars were clean and ready, I set them up.  With it always being pretty much over 70, it should ferment more quickly... in a day, two at worst.

I need to get back on kefir.  The heat was murdering me.  I couldn't focus.  It wasn't just kefir which stopped being consumed, and attended.  I haven't eaten a real meal in a... while.  I didn't even see the heat getting to me until... the ac went in?  It was probably a week where I wasn't aware of much.  Brutal.

A good day, though.  Still suffering, but my eyes aren't as dilated, fluid is draining naturally, my heart, lungs, and other organs aren't being crushed under the oppressive heat.  Still surprised, some days, that I am still alive.  No problems.  It is what it is, and I'll take it.  Enjoying even the pain, as I may.  Have uses for it.

Coffee, medicine, a shower?  Then checking on laundry?  Gaming?

Hmm, gaming.  The new controller is... problematic.  It takes a lot more pressure to push the buttons, pull the triggers, and look/move around.  If they keep up with they, they may end up with a lawsuit... a bunch of people with messed up tendons.  There was a time when secretaries were suing for this.  I think they figured out how to make that not happen.  Which... makes me suspect they are damaging people on purpose.  They know what they are doing.

Beside spying on us, for our government, through games and else, Japan has become as much a stooge for the American government, and against it's own base, as to be a danger.  Yes, we know, Sony.  You most likely will pay.  Won't have to do much, just change our government to one which won't help you against China.  Be careful which side you choose to be on.  It could cost you dearly.

Up at eight thirty?

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I think so.  Have been trying to crawl out since six.  Just... couldn't.  Even now was difficult.  It was 72/73 upstairs, 68/69 down stairs, and 66 outside.  Nothing on but two fans.  Everything remains open, so as to keep fresh air coming in, until it warms up.  As soon as I see that it has hit 70, outside, I close it up.  It warms so fast, though.  Often it is already to the mid 70s or low 80s these days.  An hour is a long time in deeper summer.

Not sure what it got down to last night, but I would guess at least to the high 50s.  Maybe the low 50s?  Can't trust the weather stations, they are usually wrong my from five to fifteen degrees.  Being summer, expect them to lie high.  I am yet to see them lie low.  I suppose when the government wants two plus two to equal three, they will go low?

I did pull meat out to thaw.  And, with ac, wouldn't mind baking some food.  chicken, a pork roast, and... something else.  No steaks this time, or burger.  But I do need more burger.  Then next time I see it on sale, I'll order a bunch.  It is such good, easy, food.  Now, with a griddle, an actual burger, triple patty, is easy.  Though, that also makes cooking a mess of beef crumble to store for the week an breeze, too.  I love that thing.  And so much easier to clean, keep clean, keep oiled, and work with.  Nice.  And, it cooks much faster than the stove.

So very much better.

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Almost forgetting to take medicine.  I think the heat was becoming a compounding portion of the health problem.  Still, want to take medicine for a while.  A few weeks.  If needed, longer.  If not... let it go until or unless it becomes a problem again.  I will run out.  But... such is life.

A few more days and I am hoping to begin doing some real work.  Enjoying life, again, for the first time in a while.  So surprised how that hard of a life sneaks up on me.  I think I'm fine, only to realize I am choking on life.  Brutality.  This helps explain, to me, why people in warmer climates are so dangerous.  And those without a means to controlling the climate in which they live.  It's not all of it, but it is a portion of it.

Why am I not dangerous?  I'm nearly dead.  Not much to put out, in that way.  Though, if something crawled into my abode, and I'm in that kind of shape, who... knows what might happen.  But, I don't, can't, go looking for it.  And, besides, after finding God, things aren't the same.  Yes, it... does make a difference.

Still a bit bruised, around the ribs and torso.  Don't really get that.  I think from gaining, then losing, then gaining, water... I ran into some internal issues.  Most likely.  Still, better.  A few more days and I may be back to normal.  For... whatever that means.

It's bedtime.  Time to sleep.  Should rest well.  Should.  I'll find out.

Recovering.

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It may take a few days... maybe a week?  But, I think, if I can control temps to this sort of level, I will be able to get back on my feet.  Too cold, too hot, I can't function.  Though, getting used to the variations of sun available, and the length of it during the day, will always be an added trick.  The real thing is the temperature.

And, that will have something to do with affordability.  We'll see how this works out.  It is 90 outside, and staying very pleasant indoors.  So far.  You have no idea what it was like, in my condition, to deal with that heat.  I truly am surprised it didn't kill me.

Still a bit rough, but improving.  It will take time.  I pretty much got crushed by the heat.  Though the health issues, for whatever other reasons, were doubling down on that.  Or, really, the other way around.  I was ill before the heat hit.  That just made it much worse.

Oh my word.

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It has warmed up, outside, hard and fast, today.  Just at noon and it is 87 out there.  Inside, so far, it is 72/75 and 77 near the computer.  But, it's... beautiful.  I honestly didn't think the ac would help that much.  I suspected a whole house unit would be required to cool the place off.  Though, with an ac upstairs and down, running, maybe that is the equivalent?

I... don't care.  All I know is I can see normally, I don't hurt in very strange ways, I'm not dehydrating to toxic levels, my headaches are simpler... more due to the extra light that is finally hitting.  Sure, days are getting shorter.  But they aren't cloudy half or more of the day, half or more of the sky, most days.

To be honest, the warmth in the front room is a bit of a break from the cool of the main of the house.  I... am quite happy.  Now, though, to work it so that the house gets opened as soon as it cools, for fresh air.  And to save on electric.  A nap in the afternoon, to help with that?  Maybe.  Anything to save money, and get that fresh air.

Brutal.

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Between the heat of the last few days, health issues, and the efforts of yesterday, today is harsh.

When I went to bed, it was still blistering hot, outdoors.  So I left everything running and just crawled into bed.  I had hoped to get a shower taken, but that wasn't possible.  I all but crawled upstairs.

This morning, it was 70/72 upstairs, 72/74 downstairs, 55 outdoors.  So, I shut the ac down, downstairs, opened windows, and have cooler air flowing through.  I figure by 10:00 I'll have to shut everything down.  Perhaps, at some point in the afternoon, I'll turn the ac back on.  Before it gets too hot down here.  Upstairs, the ac is still going.  I just don't have the energy to get up and turn that off, open those windows, only to undo that later.

It's in, and going.

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I... couldn't have done it.  I was barely able to help, in minor ways.  But I did a bit.  My eyes are so dilated.  Even with it all shut down, and closed off, dark, it feels like I am standing out in the bright sun.  When I was outside, it was so bright to my eyes that I couldn't look at a white truck.  Or couldn't see it correctly.  It looked like a blur.

It'll take a while to cool the house even a bit.  It had gotten into the 80s before the thing was in.  Well, 82 up front, 76 in the main, 72 upstairs with the ac on up there.

I am about to pass out.  Though, still, I may take another shower before going on up to bed.  Absolutely bushed, overheated, and messed up.  Ah, best get evening medicine in.  It is helping.  A lot.  It's just that I fell much further than I thought.

I got to some of it!

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Not all of it.  I can't move the plywood by myself.  But, I got tools in place, sawhorses out and set up, the ac over there, the 2x4s ready, and as mentioned, earlier I moved the bedding and boxes.  Actually, for me, that was a good little chunk of work.  I am surprised I got it done.

It is 90, and staying right at that, today.  I got to 90 by noon?  Something like that.  And has been steady since.  Brutal.  For me.  But probably a bit cool, here, for this time of the year.  Well, not cool, just... not nearly as hot as it can get.  Though that heat is a rarity too.

I can't complain.  And, to be honest, while the cool seemed to be keeping me down, it made life a lot more comfortable.  There may not be a temperature, or weather pattern setup, that will help me function.  Those... days may simply be over.  There isn't an easy way out.

Well... some things.

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Not sure if help is arriving.  Last I heard, it was probable.  To that end, I got in to the bedroom and opened up access to the window.  Boxes, box springs, and a mattress were in the way.  I moved the matress and box springs to the master, moving the boxes just well out of the way.

If I am certain help will be arriving, I will get the wood, ac, parts, and some tools, in there.  Just... to be ready.  And, if at all possible, and I am sure he is actually coming, on the way, I may try to work on getting the old window out.  Not sure how well I can do it, not sure what I am doing.  But, probably, can't mess up too badly?

If, that is, I can.  Just doing that bit of work about broke my balls.  Getting the wood moved, and the ac?  Yes, that... may be it.  If I can do that, but I will try.  Still, I'd like to see if I can remove some parts, take out screws or bolts, maybe remove the structure.  But without doing damage.  Ugh.

It is 90 out there.  My eyes are dilated, inside.  Stepping out and I am blind for a five minutes.  It isn't the heat, mostly.  It is 74, indoors, in the main.  It is 77 up front.  The ac is on upstairs, probably around 70~72 up there.  Breathing is difficult.  Still trying to catch my breath from moving those things.  It isn't the weight, it's that almost any effort is exceedingly taxing.  I... do what I can, as I may.

Oh, with the wood, and tools, I'll get the wood working benches out there, sawhorses?  Right?  Right, I think so.  Those are very handy.

I sent a text, asking if he was hungry, but more a round about way of asking if the gig is still on.  Though, if he is hungry, I'll gladly feed him.

On to gaming, in an attempt to catch my breath.  The Lord knows, some cooling would be very good.  Ugh.

Starting with a new way.

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This day, I woke a bit... early, and late.  Given when I went to bed, a bit before two, waking at 8:30 is an early rise.  And, yet, I would like to have been up earlier.  Tried, while surfacing, earlier.  Just didn't have it.  Heck, getting up when I did was a struggle.  Was worried about the house heating though.

Good thing, too.  It was already 76 out there.  Not sure what it got down to, if the last time I checked... between 22:30 and midnight(?), it was 64?  Something like that.  Yep, summer is here, for as long as it will last.  Though, the monsoon season is already teasing around the edges.  Waterworks still come through, sometimes leaving a bit of rain, often not... yet.  And, we yet have snow up in the mountains.  If, too, it was snowing up there not two weeks ago, three?, still.

Having some trouble, already.  My eyes aren't dilating well.  More like as if I just didn't wind sprints but couldn't catch my breath.  Not out of breath, as IF out of breath and unable to catch it.  That's the bad side.  There is a good side.

Finally cooled a bit.

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Not until late, 20:00?  More like 21:00?  Before it hit 68.  It stayed to 80 until those times?  Way too hot.  I opened things up, but it's not doing much for cooling, so far.  The upstairs should be cool.  Left the ac running.  Trying to figure something out.  This was not the way, what I did today.

Though... there might not be a way.  I did text for help.  It might be arriving.  If so, perhaps I can keep it cooler in here going forward.  It was to 77, in the main, 84 in this front room.  Yes, but I was experimenting.  That does work, to a degree, right until it fails absolutely around noon to 14:00?  Yea.

Retaining water.  I don't know, perhaps it is the heat?  Something is off.  Not as bad as it was, but not as good as it was getting.  Stupid, annoying, yea.

Hotter.

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Feels cooler, though.  Upstairs is staying around 72, the main area is 74, and this front room is up to 82.  If it is at least as hot, outside, as yesterday.  And, two days running, plus really a week in the 80s.  So, yes, it adds up.

While slicing cheese, I dropped the knife I was using.  At first I didn't think I got it.  Then I could see I clipped it.  My flipflop began filling, but I wasn't ready to do anything about it.  Had to finish my meal, and catch my breath.  Got through that, got my breath back, rested a bit, then got to it.

Always worrying, when feet, legs, ankles are swollen, and something gets cut.  Doesn't heal well.  And, if on my way down, from swelling, it's still not there.  Upstairs, to my first aid kit.  Yes, that thing really pays for itself.  Triple anti-biotic packs, and this time a bigger patch bandage.  A few down, for over the next few days.  Every other day, every day, something.  What I can do.

Then, into the shower.  Clean, clean, wash, scrub, foot to hair to balls.  Loverly.  It didn't look too bad.  Not deep.  Just a quarter inch deep, at most.  But the blade cut here, then skipped half and inch and cut there, and repeated.  Odd darned thing.  But, just little cuts.  The bandage I got was right sized.  A bit of the salvle, then the bandage.  Hope it works well.  Yes, I'll check it tomorrow.  Which means replace.  But, if it looks good, I'll skip days after that.  Showering when checking.  Makes it all smoother.

On back to gaming.  Oh, I should check laundry.  The last load in the dryer should be dry, I'll check.  Maybe run it a bit just to be sure anyway.  A 30 minute fluff, you know.

Sunday?  Yep.  I... keep thinking it became Monday, then Wednesday, then Friday?  It's... like my days are skipping right... in a single day.  I try to focus on which day it is.  Trying.  But... life is difficult, at the moment.  The heat isn't helping.  Could be worse, could be better.  Hot, in a week.  But that was expected.

I am going to text, see about a favor.  I can't do it.  I'm broken.  Maybe forever, certainly for now.  Help!  Mostly.  We'll see.

Sunday?

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I am lost, people.  While I am doing better, health wise, if only compared to recent depths, I am completely lost.  I haven't known, or otherwise been able, to track what day it is for a while.  Oh, for a bit, I figure it out, remember.  But even before the day is done, I... forget.  Lose track.  As if, for the most part, it matters.

It is 85 outside, 74 indoors, downstairs.  I am trying something different.  Keeping everything closed, but the front door.  Though with a sheet blocking the front and back areas, and a fan going, on high, toward the door, in the front room.  Currently it is 74 front and back.  Yesterday, about this time, it was 74 in the back area, 77 up front, give or take.  Trying different things.  Though, the upstairs still has the ac going.

Still haven't taken the shower.  Hoping to get whiskers at least trimmed, with the electric trimmer, too.  A shave?  If so, later.  I can't stand for very long.  Will need the shower bench today, in order to finish without getting wobbly.

Ouch.

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Five liters out, last night, at least.  How much during the day yesterday?  Close to that amount.  I don't generally measure during the day.  The pee jugs, however, tell me in the morning.  And, down 10.x, I think 10.4, pounds.  The skin on my feet up through my thighs, hurts from the slough caused by decompression.  But the swelling pain is relieved.  Though is replaced by other things, besides the skin trying to slough.

I have to be careful, when that much fluid is evacuated at once.  My skin tears, cuts, rips, very easily.  And, when it does, it takes weeks to heal.  Requiring special care.

All of this, however, is good news.  It is on the path to recovery.  The heart medicine is helping the heart do it's job, while not spitting blood into the lungs (or as much... that is a process... takes time).  But, while not pumping it into the lungs, the body seems to dump fluid everywhere else.