I wonder and sometimes worry. Herein lie those ponderings with perhaps some editing but still in their truer forms. Whisper as well, though in truth, whispers are just that, rustlings in the wind and nothing more. It is kind to not be alone with one's own whispers.
Monday, October 21, 2024
Harsh.
Wednesday, November 22, 2023
A good sign.
Friday, October 13, 2023
We agree.
Saturday, April 8, 2023
A bit of a start.
Tuesday, May 31, 2022
She thinks...
Thursday, November 19, 2020
Brutal.
Sunday, November 1, 2020
Already back up... just for a bit?
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I went to bed at 21:36. Wanted to remember, did. Woke a bit after midnight. Couldn't remember the exact time, didn't try. Dreamed. In the dream, I put together an incident report of what actually did happen today.
As I was out, I grabbed a meal at a burger joint. They have two lanes, some asshat pulled in the other way then tried to muscle his way through to my lane. Nope. Plus a few choice words. Nigger being one of them. One he happened to be. He finished his ordering process before me, but tried to have me go first. Nope. I only ever want what is mine. He paid for my meal.
Now, that would have seemed cool, but I was pretty sure that wasn't a gift. I had no choice, but that was that. I kept my awareness about me the rest of the night. Turns out I was being tagged. His vehicle was very peculiar. A higher end, but a ministation wagon one. I had never seen that config. On my way to check on the critters, it was pretty dark, and I was switching lanes, and leaving the road, often enough that, tracking me would have been difficult. And would have been noticed.
I kept seeing blacks, however, on the way up. Which... was unusual. Especially so many. Yea, I... was wondering. But I didn't see him. On the way back, I did see him. He, and at least one other vehicle, were jacking around... he was ahead of me, going just slow enough to make sure I would catch up, another was blocking the outer lane, but began advancing, and a third suv was behind, and began a push.
Then we all saw a cop suv, and all the tomshittery up and stopped. Ten to one, they were using listening devices used by cops to hear what occupants are saying. I knew cops had that years ago... proved it to Kordell by getting a cop to nearly ram us. *grins* Don't fuck with a psyops, boys and girls. Anyway... looks like antifa, blm, agents, even in small college towns, have that gear. If too, it looks like cops know about it and are on to some of it? I saw three more cops on my way home. I took a different path, checked as well as able, and got home eventually without seeing more.
Now... are the cops... which angle are they playing. For all I know, saying nigger is grounds for arrest these days. It looked like they broke up the attack, which only hadn't happened because they aren't used to attacking a driver who is willing to do what it takes to... keep out. But... watch it out there, boys and girls, the groids are up in arms, and are on the attack. Go armed or go home, and be ready to fight for your lives. Don't die because a monkey doesn't like a word. There is a reason they are called what they are called.
And, just understand, the cops aren't always going to be on your side, even when they seem to be. They are so politically correct driven, they may be pc drones.
I remember, when taken from Iowa to Chicago, to the deserter detention center, in three points all the way... even on the airplane. I think they try to break people that way? And, then, at the center... where they tried their best to humiliate, hurt, bother. I... just didn't mind. Sitting there, allowed to do nothing, for days and weeks. I... had no difficulty with anything. Then... they realized... just what I was. All stupid shittery stopped. They... were told nothing of me. Which, on top of their own instincts, frightened them even more. Death, it was a form of death, they had bottled up. One who was on a cruise like vacation, for all intents and purposes. Worse, a Noone Death. They all learn, in time. I think half of the parties involved tonight know. The other party may learn so fast it never registers.
It was a white or silver audi q7 or etron, I believe. Saw it one too many times, in one too many places, for coincidence. And in a caravan at the end. So... yeah. Watch it. Watch for it.
But you, out there, watch it. They are listening into your car. Ask a cop friend about the tech. They almost all, or all, have it in their vehicles. Might not be admissible in court, but can lead them to what is or keep them from being shot. *wink* But that is how they are choosing who to pull out of vehicles and etc. They may be listening to your homes, while they march by, as well... tagging certain people for future and present attacks. Watch yourself out there.
Saturday, December 21, 2019
As the systems crash.
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It is looking more like SS disability is going to be denied. Whether it is Utah, or even Trump, pushing for cuts or employment increases, bureaucrats attacking vets or marginal Trump supporters, or taking ss numbers and files to give to illegals... it is looking like a done deal.
No, "conservative" politicians aren't on our side. The big money comes from big biz, and they want slave labor... and get it. One of the things they do for their slaves is make sure bureaucrats offer them SS, and other government benefits, so they can pay slave labor wages, often with stolen id's. I know they were helping one get to work using my numbers, plus probably gave the last half year I didn't receive, to someone else. Had the balls to send me the paperwork stating so. They don't care if it is stolen from an American. I think they target vets, for many reasons. Rome did similarly, when real money became so scarce it couldn't be further stretched... or printed.
I will try to figure out how to live here. It may not be possible. Too many things need done and there simply isn't enough coin to be frugal enough to do what is needed. Just replacing a window is scary. A furnace replacement? A loan, but, that digs into what I don't have. I think that ate the previous owners. Loans and/or work needed?
No, I think it is best to clear out, then try to sell. Then be looking for a very modest place to live on little. "Owning" is dangerous... buying that is. But renting is very dangerous. Increased rates, ending the contract, lack of care. There are places I could buy a home for what I might get out of a sale. But they are places I couldn't or wouldn't, or both, live.
Iowa is an example. Too hot, too cold, and too left. They just sent a man to prison for sixteen years for burning a queer flag. They won't even talk to people who burn the US flag! No, Iowa wouldn't work. Nor Alaska. I'm not sure about Idaho, Montana, or Wyoming. Possible. But... to find a clean, Christian, small town.
Yeah. I have a lot of cleaning and clearing. I itched to start tonight. It... I just couldn't start quite yet. My muscles ached for it, my hands wanted to dig in. Just going through things will be a chore. I will keep things that are useful, can help a more frugal life. Much will go. Most of it. Even being winter, I will get an industrial bin as soon as I get half a room of boxes to go. I have moving boxes for what will be kept.
Ugh. A shower and cleaning the bathroom. Then a load of laundry? I... can't stand. Not tonight. Probably.
Why can't they just let me rest? So tired, confused.
Tuesday, August 20, 2019
Friday, July 19, 2019
Saturday, May 11, 2019
That is odd.
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Blood sugar does... can... go up until I eat. But a fifty seven point jump, even watching sucradrop use closely, is unusual. I am hoping 191 is an outlier. Then again, mornings have really tended to spike lately. Being over 150, though, allowed a 10 cc dose of insulin without worry. I am still a bit surprised at that unfacilitated spike.
Fatted tea now, with eggs and sausage and half a raw potato shortly. Then either a nap or work if I can. I turned the furnace up, as it is truly cool still. The ducks and cats have been fed, etc. Oh, and someone delivered a bail of hay! I owe someone. I... am low on cash but there is the future and possibly some other method. I know, I have pushed hard for it, but I am grateful.
As I have been sorting ideas, more things are coming together. Nothing I don't understand. Things some of you don't get. You just don't get it. If some of you, from both sides, choose not to grok. Which actually causes me to doubt some so-called conservatives. Liberals et. al. are too weak to think freely, I know that. If one labels himself conservative, yet refuses to truly consider, they aren't as they suspect. Merely another progressive type, leaning towards the dictates of others for who or what to hate.
I see Chatteau Heartiste has been taken down, probably for calling out Volvo for making a real family advertisement for their vehicles in Europe while creating a vile queer man fake family advertisement for the US. Suggesting the ads are aimed at purchasers, so suggesting what American Volvo buyers are. It was the other blog outlet which did it, if he was there because goolag was already worse. Hop to it, Trump. Tear down the digital walls against American thinkers and build a wall against invaders.
Later.
Sunday, March 24, 2019
Awake and better.
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I woke an hour ago, but wasn't feeling ready to start up quite yet. I tried to get back to sleep. It just wouldn't happen. It's a darker, colder, day. That and I am very ill yet from the prescribed poison. I refuse to call that medicine. I hate reclining if I can't sleep. So up I got, feeding the girls again.
I was thinking though. I recently watched a short documentary on men dying alone in Japan. At three every minute, long before the height of the geriatric tsunami truly hits, and this just of men, dieing alone, often unknown for days to weeks, they are keeping busy. I can only imagine when sone places become more full of the dead than the living, for a time with not enough people to tend the dead.
The idea was that the family unit has been destroyed... wars have consequences. Feminism was unleashed, forced, required. Was it Patton? Yea, whichever, he toasted Japan, and Europe actually, worse than a dozen more bombs could have done, per country. Anyway.
Still, a couple of notes. The single men, who here as there generally eschew medical, are living longer than married men and men living with extended core families. If the data was correct. Even those who drink heavily live longer. Remember, Japanese employees are expected to work long hours, then drink with their coworkers after. No surprise alcoholism is a plague.
What I realized is something I mentioned before. Women traditionally were the doctors of the family. Beyond that, they would decide, because of that, if someone should be euthanized. Not... just to ease suffering, or only, but because she realized she couldn't keep up, and the condition would get worse, plus bedsores and the spread of illness from all that.
Basically, grandma, then mother, would end whoever became too sickly. No one said boo, no one questioned it. That is until medicine took over. Initially, with access to medicine, it was right. They could return the healthy to function. As it became lucrative, they began to be able to keep the terminal alive longer. The problem becomes obvious. Someone has to pay... for the surgeries, medicine, food, and extended care. We, as Japan, are about to hit the same bump.
Whoever can't figure out how to escape care, live on their own, are going to end up murdered. In nations where infanticide has been legalized... mandated, who thinks the old and ill will escape the same? I actually wonder if that last medicine wasn't such an attempt. I won't get much better. Even if I could? The V.A. is for practice, and if I am right that is the direction medicine is going. I wonder how many nursing home guinea pigs aren't able to say no and end up with a heart attack or stroke from the medicine? Everyone involved will simply tell you they are just doing their job. And, right. I suspect women will be allowed back into the killing game. So many for the slaughter, so few to do it. Though I suspect, with the numbers I have seen, that they are back to it.
I suggest that is only from a lack of faith. Wait until you become ill, or even unemployed, or are considered to have too many children, too few, too little education, too much education. Be careful, despots have used every reason under the sun as an excuse for murder. It is returning. It looks like they are targeting the middle to upper middle classes, using any reason available. The lower classes are auto self-selecting for elimination or prison slavery. Don't trust your doctors, and watch your woman with great care.
Friday, December 14, 2018
Dark notes and high points?
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She is up to her old tricks. German, if through UN or EU, troops back in France. In all of the riotous nations? Probably. As with the Nazi era, they own the European news, with enough Chamberlains in politics on the opposition sides to quell foreign news, and with American news in there pockets at least as well as Stalin and Hitler held them. I wonder how many have really been murdered? Tienanmen Square numbers? More, less? Surprised when I did a spelling check it showed. I don't gulag things. I laughed, when I heard gulag isn't producing the censored browser for China. No need, that is google.
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
Watering, food, and remembering a dream.
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Not much, if pushing creates *stars*. That is not nearly as severe as it was yesterday, if enough to keep my plans simple. The yard really needs water. Longer tonight, and longer Saturday. Longer until I see solid results. The side yards are better. I may look into smaller indigenous shade trees. Something to give the front yard a chance. Perhaps evergreens of some sort. We have a brutal sun here. Wow, that water is C O L D though.
Blood sugar isn't great. BP has been good. Another meal is about to get going. Pieces of pork rib, crisped on the grill, and eggs. Perhaps milk, though definitely cottage cheese and a few slices of peach. Those unsweetened canned fruits are truly a treat. Convenient, no hits on blood sugar, not expensive, with a can lasting out five meals over a week. Almost anything is edible, just a matter of dosing. Except added sugar, corn syrup, or such. I may try a roll tonight. They may add sugar, but not include it on the ingredient list, a common treachery.
Personally, I think the government knows, approves, pushes, such. We need to end both public sector unions and lifetime bureaucratic positions and the safety of those jobs, be able to fire anyone in the government for even a hint of corruption, impropriety, or just being assholes. They have forgotten who they work for.
Ah, the dream. I saw him leave. I thought it was after she fell. And there is another woman to go. Which is when, who, is another matter. If the left is crazy now, rabid soon. That can, will, be handled. Amen.
It got to 88 today, by early to mid afternoon. It was 73 F in here, until late afternoon when the house finally surrenders a bit, and hit 75, nearly 76. Almost as soon as the sun drops, for now, the temp plunges. It is 62 and probably still falling. Everything gets opened and the fans continue their tiresome but beloved job. I am enjoying summer a lot more. With diabetes and bp more controlled, the heat is much easier to live with.
Later. Perhaps good night.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Something is coming.
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Something not good. Something big, I think. I am not trusting people who I thought I knew, online, for a long time. I don't know if they are trapped, and being used as bait, if they are traitors, if they are going hot and heavy. Something seems wrong. I probably shouldn't play, but I am curious. Though, perhaps, even if we are on the same side, I may simply not be included. I am watching some... odd things begin to take place. A lot of shuffling, switching, churning, pointing, and bubbling. Something is at least being considered. The only thing you can be certain, is that if one side, or one group, is going in, the others will as well, or are already doing so. If you ever watched a gunfight between two men, drawing and shooting, you might never know which drew first unless you were standing, pretty much, in the line of fire, or one drew and fired significantly faster than the other.
My third eye smells the smoke. Yeah, it's tricky that way. It could pass, but it seems to be heating up. Though, as suggested, it might be a trap. If I were you, and you don't want to become a target, I'd avoid sites which seem to be suggesting the wild thing. I think they are simply trying to draw others out. I'm already on lists of lists, so it doesn't really matter. But your friend may well not be your friend, even if he was. Something big is being considered. Not sure, in any event, which way it will go, just that a lot of people will lose. Either the world will become a gun enforced safe space or there will be no more safe spaces.
Might just pass, or it's all one side or the other already. Duck. This time? See this video as a secular, human, political thing. Oh yes, do. Though, while most of you, even those who deny, are actually human secularists, the truth really is, as above so below. Doubt as you will, wish, and already do. Your choice and cost.
Just know, whales don't have tails. Tigers do.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
What you face.
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This isn't in China, India, Iran, Brazil, or Australia. It's in Canada but the business is with America primarily. If you want inclusion, you want equality, you want fairness? Guess what? To those in charge, it means you get nothing. Boycott? Nah, just stop buying their products, or understand they have decided you, as a white, are less than a second class citizen. Remember, they made this man their mouthpiece, as a company aiming it's products at Americans. Watch the language? Are you fucking kidding me? If you can't handle that, stop and go away.
h/t Vox Day
I was close to buying Deus Ex, hadn't read about this. Mass Effect? Something was wrong, never could finish the second game, dumped the whole line. I love saving money. Especially while keeping it out of the hands of true racists. He might not want the man's job. Me? I want him expelled back to whatever shit third-world country he belongs.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
What seemed difficult?
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I thought washing the per piece bits would be difficult. Being just new, not actually dirty, I found that using one of my bottle scrubbers was sufficient, efficient, and downright quick. So, I was washing away with a smile on my face. Then I took all of the 8 ounce containers and lids out to the counter. Put down towels, and began drying. And drying, and drying, and drying, and... Oh holy hell is that a fucknut of a job. Plastic, or this kind, seems to love water. Won't let go. I have to hurry, fading. But all of it? Yeah, no. So, after I got pretty close, I went to check something. If the lids are compatible, I don't have to mess with those. And those, oddly, are the worst to dry. A compatibility match has been established. And, yet, I still have to wash and dry a whole lot more containers.
No bending over this time. I pulled a chair over and am hitting it that way. Still, it's... a lot. A shower yet tonight? Maybe, but no bath. Washing the stock pots? Maybe. But I've got to tell you, I am well tuckered. I may only do one of the pots tonight, tucking the other in the fridge. Time, energy, reality. Ugh. I may be able to use the flash-freeze on my fridge-freezer to get the stock to freeze quickly. However, I would want to stay awake a few hours, as it's not recommended to use that for too long of a period. It will set, probably, in a couple of hours. On the bad side, I'd rather be in bed an hour ago. On the good side, if I stay up, I might get a few more things, like a shower, and the rest of the dishes.
My ribs are sore. Bending. Even with the chair. And adding to the last few weeks, and the times I simply bent all the way down and speed washed two or three loads of dishes. Pretty good for an old dead man. Seriously. Can't do it on call, or all the time, but I can impress. I'd wager against most men out there, and a dollar over. Then again, most men have surrendered.
I noticed, just today, that Mormons aren't necessarily politically against Trump, it's finances. Just as it is with the denominations and Catholic church. They have sold out America, all of them, and are bringing masses of muslims into small town settings. The government is paying big. Well, one more reason to not go to church, and I am ending a financial agreement. I won't pay the Catholic church, or any church, which betrays America. I have a good idea where that money, now, is really going. I won't help fund the destruction of small town America. They will have to become full-time government actors. Yeah... Done. Though now I see why they are against gun ownership now.
I need a bit of a break, then back to it. Hot work too, my water heater pushes to around 150 or 160, or that is where I have it set. Actually, one is lower, the other higher, to allow the water to move... or it sits and rusts more quickly. I only use hot when setting a soak of either kind, so... like I said, hot.