She.

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Not actually a new post.  The rest of an unfinished one.  The music rolled.  On and on, beyond my ability to collect, discern, and roll out reasonably.  Beyond my capacity, the capacity of my readers, or at least those who seek to the full experience of listening and reading the story, has been stretched.

Exhausted as I am, I still see and hear.  I am three music posts behind, after this one.  Not certain what happened, not fully.  But the floodgates have opened.  Oh, I think I know who she is.  Though what she wants... that's...  Women are tricky.  Certain women in our lives are trickier.  More so for some of us.  I'll... get to her before long.  First, the rest of her... infringement upon my space.  Is it always illegal to kill a woman?  As if it, mostly, matters with some of them.

A long nap.

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Three hours, and change?  Food took me out at the knees.  I will have another, but very small, fatted tea.  Blood sugar is down to 216, a fifty point drop from the meal high.  I checked ketones before the nap, I think.  They are between 80 and 160, so it isn't food that is ravaging diabetes, it is definitely the artificial sweetener.  I need to try to go without, cut back on volume and frequecy, plus alternate the kind I use.

Back to work today.  Trash has to go.  Laundry and dishes need worked, thus the fatted tea.  Just because my body is pumping out ketones doesn't mean it is using them yet.  Keeping extra fat, in smaller batches, is still seen as better... especially if I want to work.  I suspect I am not ketone adjusted, because of the exhaustion.  As well as minor flu symptoms... mostly headaches, neck and shoulder aches.

Yikes!

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It took nearly four hours to complete the meal.  Due to complications, almost double the heavy cream was used.  So I did get 2k calories.  I tested blood sugar to get some idea.  For 2k calories, a rise of 16 points of blood sugar?  That is very good.  I will take it. Still high, but meals like this and intermittent fasting... actually I might have to do an extended fast.  The right food and i.f. don't seem to work.

Ah, one thing that did work was the new electrolyte powder.  Very good.  The old stuff was jacking blood sugar by a hundred points.  I'll try this with my next fatted tea, alone, in an more exact timing.  Though the fatted tea was the last thing to be consumed.

So full!  I am going to have to crash.  It's as if I just left the Thanksgiving table.  It doesn't quite hurt, but just shy of it.  That is all the food I can eat today.  Crazy.  Later.

Dinner.

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No dinner for hours, as I had to sort out what to eat.  Almost out of eggs, and they are old.  Meats, but wary of them.  Filberts?  Fatted tea?  One thigh?  All, but in small portions, just one thigh.  I am eating one dose of hazle nuts, the other name for filberts.  I prefer the term hazel, but to be honest filbert fit their taste more correctly, as I see things.  On the good side they have higher fat than macadamian nuts and are far less expensive.

These will be about 250 calories, the thigh will have 135 calories, and the cup of cream will have 816 calories, or 1,201 calories.  Seems a lot, but a 3k meal plan is 1.5k ish calories below maintenance (if coming from the same people who brought and advise dietary diabetes).  And, 3k divided out is about a 1k per over three meals, or 1.5k at two meals.  Truth is, I'll be lucky to get another k in, if the goal really is 3k.

One trick is to begin using less and maybe varied sweeteners.  Right now, cutting is proving difficult.  Lack of focus, difficulty drinking without, thirst.  These things compound.  Sometimes there isn't a way out until something gets better, or worse.  Perhaps variety will help.  It is tricky.  Has to be done.  Blood sugar is staying too high.  The problem has to be the sweetener.  All else is mid to high keto.

I keep looking for foods and simpler preps that could work for me.  Foods that will help with diabetes, best means of consumption.  I don't really believe in superfoods, but there is better and worse.  Variety is needed, my old foods don't work so new foods are what is left.  Might as well focus on the best of those.  Later.

Changing my diet.

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Not truly changing the core notion.  The plan remains low carb high fat, keto.  The thing is, I can't handle nearly as much meat.  Chicken thighs and a pork roast were cooked last night.  Two thighs and a slim slice of roast left me stuffed beyond belief.  I tried a snack several hours later anyway.  I'll not do that again soon.  When my body says it is full, when eating right foods, it means it.

I have been looking for other food items.  From flax to chia seeds, to leafy greens, plus foods as supplements such as cod liver oil and nutritional yeast.  I keep falling down on various kefirs, but will keep at it.  I'd like to figure out other fermented foods, like sauerkraut, perhaps pickles, and others.  The trick is to get enough fat, protein, carbs, and calories for the machine to tick.  The main problem is simple volume.  Once I hit solid ketosis, not only does desire go away, but so does the simple ability to eat, or eat enough.  Simply digesting food becomes difficult, if that might be heart related?  Not enough blood flow?

Lowering the fat ratio to nearly one to one, I am hoping, will help.  Cutting volume, perhaps stretching more, smaller, meals, within a six hour window?  Cutting it to one real meal with minor adds like snacks and fatted drinks?  Ugh... I'll just have to experiment.  Don't even think of vegan or veggieism.  Those are worse.  Nuts are good, but like meat, they fill quickly.  Can only eat so much of that.

Brothers, fathers... Neo-Watchers.

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Odd how twists turn.  Once the virgins of heaven watched the lambs of the Divine.  Now the children of the Watchers are watched by the holiest of the fallen away.  Perhaps more those among them who become marked?

Back to her?

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Difficult to tell.  I think this time she is singular.  A strange couple of notions, exploded individually... through a host of videos.  She really does well, from my point of view.  From titles and singers who would catch my eyes, to themes woven through out, she leads me to see.  Agree?  Who is foolish or despotic enough to grant a women* in love her... designs.  And, yet, I can see... through our eyes... see what shes* suggest.

Impossible green eyes, one of my animals a wolf, and being told in a dream I need no wolf totem as my eyes are that.  Definitely caught my eyes.  Is it a pun if it isn't?  Too slow for my taste, definitely how womans*... do things.

A bit more.

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Nowhere near what was hoped.  Enough in sum for a claim to a beginning.  Medicine restarted.  It is bedtime.

Someone really hit the switch.  Old and new videos flooding in.  Something from dames, or someone or something able to emulate said.  Pulled something together before my other strange journey pulled me away.  I'll sort her out later.  It'll open space for dreaming... both will.  Good night and day.

Elsewhere.

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It has been a while since travelling in this way.  After setting up dishes, tending the ducks, and a few other things, I sat to... relax.  Usually click through favored pages, music and other videos.  Sometimes I go somewhere, see or otherwise perceive... something.  While I always see, it isn't always with my eyes.  Imagine that.

Slow but well.

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Most of the first parts.  A shave, starting dishes, then hitting laundry, then getting dinner going is next.  I've done more than might seem, between stumbling on extra work and not doing everything in order.  I am hoping to take a long hot bath as a final chore.

I am planning to use the instant pot.  First to sear the pork roast, then pressure cook it.  I will be adding dehydrated mushrooms, butter, and water.  Stock would be better, I just haven't gotten to it yet.  And, yes, beef and chicken broth do well with pork and other meats.  I suppose pork broth would do better.  Hmm... I might have hocks... trotters.  That would create stock right there, with some water.  As well, I plan on making meatloaf, from a mix of ground beef, lamb, and pork as the meat.

Down for Christmas.

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Not mood, just function.  I didn't oversleep, hurt, or such.  I did eat, not much if perceived as enough.  I simply couldn't do... anything.  I've definitely had worse.  I only call this bad because it isn't active.  Actually the last two to three days have been just so.  Not today!

Several small batches of dishes are washed and set to a rinse.  I'll have the last salad available, with an avocado.  Next, the dishes will be dried, a shave and shower, and a bathroom touchup.  Then more batches of dishes set to soak and laundry restart.  A couple hours down, then back to dishes and laundry.  At some point(s), trash and recycling will be collected and removed, and some work in the living or computer room.

Yeah, I think so.  We'll see.  I might grill thawed meats, and make a meatloaf.  Smartly spiced, fresh when cooked, meat lasts longer cooked.  Oh, with my new appetite, I will go with have sized batches of egg casserole.  I could boil the rest for snacks and salad fixings.  I need more eggs, they are a superior protein and fat, on and off keto.

Intermittent fasting has been shot.  Could not focus.  I've fallen off medicine again, but have also nearly ceased drinking so no buildup of fluid, mostly.  Ugh, but it's... from the outside, been a rough Christmas.

As I thought, we did have a very lightly white Christmas.  I was at peace, the real kind, in spite of all the negative happening.  Inside, even without being able to celebrate even the small portion planned, I was quite joyful just as was.  It reminded me of when Jesus visited the sisters.  One rushed to prepare food, make things right for the Guest, and was terribly put out with her sister, who simply spoke and spent time with Him, doing no work.

I'll let you find the rest of the story.  I won't say either was superior.  There is happily a place for each.  For me, this year, it was the passive.  And, despite the call of the busy sister, I wasn't lost to negative emotions or a sense of inadequacy.  No, not at all.  I felt divine blessings even in my deep lethargy.  God knows the difference between laziness and illness.

Merry late Christmas.

Merry Christmas Eve

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I hope you all are somewhere safe and warm.  If you can't be, I'll say a prayer for success and God speed to see you safely home or to God's realm.  It can definitely get cold out there quickly, even on the hottest days.  I hope the rest of you appreciate the sacrifices that must continue, divinely and mundanely, on a daily basis.  Amen.

Nothing fancy planned for a meal.  I can't eat anyway.  Perhaps a hot coco, with my improvisations.  Maybe buttery garlic mushrooms, I think I could do that.  If the candles and candelabra were delivered, I will set them up with the bible in an area set aside for reading.  An hour, set aside, two to three times a day, for reading, contemplation, and prayer.  The trick is my odd schedule and sometimes shortened or lengthened days.  I'll do my best.

Oh, to research the twelve days of Christmas, perhaps for specific citations, prayers, or such yet tonight.  The song, based on it, is actually a symbolic Catholic mini catechism, from when Catholicism was outlawed under pain of death in England... or so I have heard.  I would like to find out if that is actually true, and what the symbolisms all mean.  An historical research project, during it's occasion, possibly following it's nature?  All good.

Have a blessed eve and a holy day to follow.  Amen I say to you, and again, so be it.

Can't eat, can't drink, can't smoke, won't f...

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fiddle?  What will you do?  Goodie, goodie, two shoes?

Yeah.  Cannot eat, or much.  I did have a small meal, salad, a bit of salami, and string cheese.  A small fatted tea before that, and a half and half hot coco... from scratch.  But over four to five hours.  That was pushing it.  Absolutely stuffed.  The last blood sugar read had me down to 181.  The lowest since testing, but dropping very slowly.  Ugh.

Surprises.

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Cod liver oil?  My first tablespoon.  With the lemon pretty... I wouldn't eat this stuff for flavor, but the lemon covered enough that it was as consuming some bland oil, such as canola.  At that I am quite pleased I got the stuff with lemon.  If I see improvements I will buy more.  If I sense nothing I won't continue.  Rather pricey stuff.

The real surprise was the nutritional yeast.  I tried it before, a different brand, ordered in the summer.  The first batch had no flavor.  I wonder if the brand was different, if I suspect it was the heat of summer delivery.  This batch seems rather tasty.  I had it on a romaine salad, with a homemade balsamic vinaigrette and side of avocado.  The vinaigrette was very good, if I say so myself.  My last womantype said I could one-shot salad dressings.  I didn't see it back then, but... she might have been right.

I also tried a savory, my first, fatted tea.  Hot (not hot enough) tea, cream, ghee (didn't melt well), ground ginger, fresh ground black pepper, garlic, and Himalayan salt.  It wasn't bad.  A bit less ginger, getting the ghee to melt better, and more salt... I think it's a keeper.

I am eating less, and shortening my eating window to four to six, from eight, hours.  I have gained ten pounds, but that is right.  With all fluids depleted and kept low while back on medication, eating enough fat to trigger a switch to fat burning, and satiation so as to not end up grazing (eating whenever allowed, on into when not allowed), it takes a high portion of fats in sufficient volume.

My mind still thinks I need more, so makes larger portions.  My body stops halfway through what had been a standard to medium meal... almost yesterday.  Even so I am staying full.  I still will eat two small and a snack, for now.  Just much smaller.  My fatted teas are shrinking too.  Actually, I might start doing just one, and every other day or by need/want.  When well into keto?  If you want something you are more likely into need.  You simply don't have cravings.

Not a bad, if odd, culinary evening.  A few dishes started.  About to check laundry then have my last meal... a very small portion of egg casserole and buttered mushrooms.  I'll skip another fatted tea.  It really is doing better.  Blood sugars are into the low two hundreds, after yesterdays high two hundreds.  Ugh.

Oh, I found rosaries, if where I had looked before.  Wasn't looking for them, as I knew they weren't there.  I'd like to make copies of the forms before starting the prayers again.  Those are the weak points.  It is good to have them back.  I am getting excited to start them back up.  If things work out, maybe for Christmas.

Later.