.
.
Feeling a bit better. I never woke well. I did feel rough for a bit. Perhaps the nap did end up helping. A bite or three, I might have another... and bedtime medicine.
I am going to attempt to push through, when I can. Tomorrow, Monday, whenever I am able. Not today. On any tomorrow, even beyond the last one. Doubt me as you will, I am already beyond my last day, which was just one of several of my last days. Been there, done that. I know there isn't a last day. Perhaps here, though... not even that absolutely.
If nothing else, I would like to begin digging into the electronics books. I checked out purchasing the electronics app, but it looks like a fishing expedition, asking for passwords to my email. No thanks. I'll have to find something else... or figure out how to purchase it without creating a security breech. Nasty, some of these apps, and with people too stupid to know better, or even care? This is supposed to be for techs... really? No one noticed? It sure looks like a security problem.
For now, I can just read... and some writing. Writing formulas and constants, adjusting the formulas for the various constants possible to be solved by them, practice with various problems... especially the ones that are tricky so as to figure out the limits of the solution sets and such. Electronics, perhaps more than most math, is truly a logic system. It is, in many ways, rather limited. And, unlike mathematics, there are variances between logic components, in that three resistors of the same technical value can be a bit to a lot different between each other. The same is true for all components. The more components, the more natural variability, perhaps into the need for customizing the circuit. Each circuit is, pretty much, unique. And, yet, they all, generally, still work or can be made to work. There is a LOT of slop in the universe. Digital didn't do much about that either.
Oh, right... food then sleep. Good night.
Saturday, May 20, 2017
Needed, not sure if the nap was useful.
.
.
I think I hit right at two hours, but in the right way. An quarter to an half hour to sleep, then to wake. Thing is, I'm not sure it did any real good. Oh, some, I suppose. Just not enough to really show. I won't be doing anything, still too tired. It is still dark out. I raised the furnace to aim at 72 F. Warmer and I have problems, cooler and I don't notice... mostly. Some days I can have it at 66 and be fine, or raise it to 76 and still be too cold. I just can't ever tell. Actually, I may turn it down to 70, maybe 68. I'm burning at 72.
It's still so dark. I don't know if it has rained at all. It doesn't seem to have snowed. Nah, probably didn't rain, unless it was very light and a bit ago. I just can't break past it. I'd love to. I just want to work, get some things down, tinker on some projects, and feel awake. Just... have that sense that I can figure things out and do what is wanted.
I am seeming to handle a full load of medicine though. Maybe that IS doing something. I was able to work, a bit, the first few days, in spite of the weather and medicine. Maybe that was, and remains, quite a bit of effort. I still am not sure I trust doctors. They'll medicate you to death, or to being crippled. I don't know if their intent is to kill you, or try to get you to push beyond what you should, or to break you. I honestly don't know, I just don't fully trust. I'm doing middlings, for now.
.
I think I hit right at two hours, but in the right way. An quarter to an half hour to sleep, then to wake. Thing is, I'm not sure it did any real good. Oh, some, I suppose. Just not enough to really show. I won't be doing anything, still too tired. It is still dark out. I raised the furnace to aim at 72 F. Warmer and I have problems, cooler and I don't notice... mostly. Some days I can have it at 66 and be fine, or raise it to 76 and still be too cold. I just can't ever tell. Actually, I may turn it down to 70, maybe 68. I'm burning at 72.
It's still so dark. I don't know if it has rained at all. It doesn't seem to have snowed. Nah, probably didn't rain, unless it was very light and a bit ago. I just can't break past it. I'd love to. I just want to work, get some things down, tinker on some projects, and feel awake. Just... have that sense that I can figure things out and do what is wanted.
I am seeming to handle a full load of medicine though. Maybe that IS doing something. I was able to work, a bit, the first few days, in spite of the weather and medicine. Maybe that was, and remains, quite a bit of effort. I still am not sure I trust doctors. They'll medicate you to death, or to being crippled. I don't know if their intent is to kill you, or try to get you to push beyond what you should, or to break you. I honestly don't know, I just don't fully trust. I'm doing middlings, for now.
I can't be sure.
.
.
Is it raw speed, natural talent, or a little bit of time control. Can't live without time, not with flesh. Perhaps can travel out of time, and back, quickly, so as to make it seem one has speed or foresight. Dunno. I would have thought age would have times out speed, and, yet, it seems not. I don't necessarily get it. Understand. Though I don't think that is required.
.
Is it raw speed, natural talent, or a little bit of time control. Can't live without time, not with flesh. Perhaps can travel out of time, and back, quickly, so as to make it seem one has speed or foresight. Dunno. I would have thought age would have times out speed, and, yet, it seems not. I don't necessarily get it. Understand. Though I don't think that is required.
A weak awakening.
.
.
I haven't had it this rough in a while. While it is 8:30 and some, I was actually awake at more like 7:00. I tried to go back to sleep then, but couldn't. Nor could I get out of bed. Then again, even now, I am not at all awake. While it usually takes a little time and mild bumbling to work out neuro, psychic, and muscular actuations, this morning is just brutal. I am going to chalk this up to medicine and weather. It seems as if there was a major change. Are the clouds gone? I'll check, in a bit, when I think I would be able to see and figure. It seems like it though.
I know there were many dreams. None are available this morning. But given my condition and the type of dreams, they may pop later. Or not. I don't have the sense that there is much of interest to them. I could be wrong. Sometimes they are just like life. Sometimes there is some little bit that, to me, possibly to others, makes them interesting. No, sometimes and however, accounting for taste.
What today? Anything I can get to! I am a bit frustrated. The the weather and medicine are both on a snit, and they each, alone, can cripple me. I am getting through things, from time to time, anyway. And, yet, I'd sure like to be digging through whole rooms, not spots, or chores, or parts of things. Hmm... if the weather is good enough, I might just get out and clear gutters... and check on the plants. Yeah, that would be good. I need to do dishes first, though, I think. Could be, maybe. But first I'll have to wake, probably eat too. Later.
.
I haven't had it this rough in a while. While it is 8:30 and some, I was actually awake at more like 7:00. I tried to go back to sleep then, but couldn't. Nor could I get out of bed. Then again, even now, I am not at all awake. While it usually takes a little time and mild bumbling to work out neuro, psychic, and muscular actuations, this morning is just brutal. I am going to chalk this up to medicine and weather. It seems as if there was a major change. Are the clouds gone? I'll check, in a bit, when I think I would be able to see and figure. It seems like it though.
I know there were many dreams. None are available this morning. But given my condition and the type of dreams, they may pop later. Or not. I don't have the sense that there is much of interest to them. I could be wrong. Sometimes they are just like life. Sometimes there is some little bit that, to me, possibly to others, makes them interesting. No, sometimes and however, accounting for taste.
What today? Anything I can get to! I am a bit frustrated. The the weather and medicine are both on a snit, and they each, alone, can cripple me. I am getting through things, from time to time, anyway. And, yet, I'd sure like to be digging through whole rooms, not spots, or chores, or parts of things. Hmm... if the weather is good enough, I might just get out and clear gutters... and check on the plants. Yeah, that would be good. I need to do dishes first, though, I think. Could be, maybe. But first I'll have to wake, probably eat too. Later.
Friday, May 19, 2017
Rather long nap.
.
.
Even with the heat up I went an hour over the hoped max. It was a good nap, other than overheating as a wakeup mechanism. A fast wake, though. I turned the heat down and have the door open, to let in some fresh air and speed the cooling. The lab book is in. I'll wait a bit to tangle with it. Today, tomorrow, several days. Between it and the manual, I am hoping to spend several hours a day, four or five days a week, pulling meat off those bones. The simulator will work for short term. I would still like to at least use real components and a breadboard to craft most of, if not all, the labs. Anything that I would like to have for use I might do a bit more, buying end user components and what else, such as a proper container, to make the device visually right as well as easily seen and simply used. I won't be getting an oscilloscope in the next year, probably not in two years? But, if I live, in time, I will have one.
Ah, something about ordering meats? Don't leave them as they are. I should have thought about that right away. It's not too late though. I will put all the meats into a sealed container yet today. If meat is spiced and cooked, then rightly stored, it simply lasts longer. Even if it doesn't go bad, out, it will dry out. It's the way to go. I can keep it layered in the paper it arrives in, for easy portioning. Also making storage simple.
Oh, is that the reason I was getting crap yesterday? Because I was wearing sunglasses? What a laugh. I have been in my dark cave for far too long. I hadn't seen that bright of an outside in a while. I needed those glasses. It didn't have anything to do with anything else. Too bright, no more. Even today, just having my front door open a bit, I'd need sun glasses outside, unless I stayed in the back yard, under the trees, and limited my exposure. Hurts my eyes. I'll have to shut the door or get a major headache. Fools.
Just... writing in order to wake more quickly, surely, or... just because. Later.
.
Even with the heat up I went an hour over the hoped max. It was a good nap, other than overheating as a wakeup mechanism. A fast wake, though. I turned the heat down and have the door open, to let in some fresh air and speed the cooling. The lab book is in. I'll wait a bit to tangle with it. Today, tomorrow, several days. Between it and the manual, I am hoping to spend several hours a day, four or five days a week, pulling meat off those bones. The simulator will work for short term. I would still like to at least use real components and a breadboard to craft most of, if not all, the labs. Anything that I would like to have for use I might do a bit more, buying end user components and what else, such as a proper container, to make the device visually right as well as easily seen and simply used. I won't be getting an oscilloscope in the next year, probably not in two years? But, if I live, in time, I will have one.
Ah, something about ordering meats? Don't leave them as they are. I should have thought about that right away. It's not too late though. I will put all the meats into a sealed container yet today. If meat is spiced and cooked, then rightly stored, it simply lasts longer. Even if it doesn't go bad, out, it will dry out. It's the way to go. I can keep it layered in the paper it arrives in, for easy portioning. Also making storage simple.
Oh, is that the reason I was getting crap yesterday? Because I was wearing sunglasses? What a laugh. I have been in my dark cave for far too long. I hadn't seen that bright of an outside in a while. I needed those glasses. It didn't have anything to do with anything else. Too bright, no more. Even today, just having my front door open a bit, I'd need sun glasses outside, unless I stayed in the back yard, under the trees, and limited my exposure. Hurts my eyes. I'll have to shut the door or get a major headache. Fools.
Just... writing in order to wake more quickly, surely, or... just because. Later.
Absolutely exhausted.
.
.
Tired enough that my shoulders sag. I am about to heat something up for lunch. Watch something. Then maybe take a nap. It's dark, damp, cool.
As I said, I won't lament the way of things. If I get nothing done I will still attempt to simply enjoy the downtime. I know, when I can, I will work, probably overwork. Today simply isn't the day for that. It's not so much that I reject the option as the option isn't open to me.
If I can do a few things, however, I will. It is simply difficult to just keep my eyes open. A nap might help, food might help, the combination might help, or, maybe, nothing will help. Day? Friday? Already? Okay. I had one thing, of business, I would like to do. But that might require more than what I can do. I will know soon enough.
Good day. I hope you can do more than I. If not, maybe you can enjoy the day, too, anyway. Good morning, actually. Oh, well, there is that. At least I am keeping my days and nights regulated, for now, today. Later.
.
Tired enough that my shoulders sag. I am about to heat something up for lunch. Watch something. Then maybe take a nap. It's dark, damp, cool.
As I said, I won't lament the way of things. If I get nothing done I will still attempt to simply enjoy the downtime. I know, when I can, I will work, probably overwork. Today simply isn't the day for that. It's not so much that I reject the option as the option isn't open to me.
If I can do a few things, however, I will. It is simply difficult to just keep my eyes open. A nap might help, food might help, the combination might help, or, maybe, nothing will help. Day? Friday? Already? Okay. I had one thing, of business, I would like to do. But that might require more than what I can do. I will know soon enough.
Good day. I hope you can do more than I. If not, maybe you can enjoy the day, too, anyway. Good morning, actually. Oh, well, there is that. At least I am keeping my days and nights regulated, for now, today. Later.
Now I know which one.
.
.
And more of a response was given. It's interesting how it works. I could, as always, be wrong. It just seems not. Certain things match certain ones. She dreams too, is all. But her notions, for herself I think, are similar to those I have. She forgets, and reaches out... or simply reacts to what I present, without suggesting that anything is right or wrong.
Never can be certain. I can suspect. ~ One step in...
.
And more of a response was given. It's interesting how it works. I could, as always, be wrong. It just seems not. Certain things match certain ones. She dreams too, is all. But her notions, for herself I think, are similar to those I have. She forgets, and reaches out... or simply reacts to what I present, without suggesting that anything is right or wrong.
Never can be certain. I can suspect. ~ One step in...
Getting to bed early doesn't always translate.
.
.
Not sure why. Perhaps medicine, perhaps another change in the weather, who ever knows. Some system are just fiddly. I believe I was to bed by 21:30... Hmm? Oh, well, I guess waking at 6:00 is within reason. I was thinking I had overslept. Given sleep isn't instant, taking up to an half hour normally, if waking usually is, that'll work. It just seemed like an overshot. Well, and I am not easily or readily awake.
This morning is the fourth morning of medicine. I have taken it completely, at full dose, and without any real problems. I can never tell if medicine is causing a side effect or not. Especially with it being cool and dark out. More so when the weather is a heavy lapse from warmth back, and several stages back and down. Just wait until your flesh is on the edge of the final blink. It's the little things. The big things might just take you out. Well, others in my condition, even many in much better condition. I just end up napping for months at what might kill others even in better shape than my condition but still in rougher shape. I'm not sure I'd call that lucky. Though life should be allowed to just work itself out. Murder, even if for the notion of compassion, certainly if for worse, is evil. Costs souls every day.
If folks want me gone, there is an easy enough way... buy me out. A community can easily afford this. I would go, not even angrily. Of course, it would take a bit to find another place, and to get ready and loaded. But it's doable. It beats going to hell for a simple want. And the cost would be recouped in an eventual sale. It is quite easy. It would be considered reasonable.
Just stories, mostly. Oh, there might be some reality connected in there. At least, as far as you are concerned, though... just stories. Let it go at that, doing both of us a favor. Waiting to die can become tedious. More so when day after day, what I can do might become very limited. Sad when one has access, time, and few downsides, and I still can't, somehow, get a nap in? *shrug* Do I believe any of it? Well, some of it was carved from notions, times, events, and dreams. Some of it might just be closer than you think, of the past. Of the future? Do you even believe I have a future? So... why would the dream of such bother you? If you don't believe, and yet it bugs you? I'm thinking it is you who needs sympathy. I have never asked for, nor do I need, empathy or sympathy.
Why am I having to go through this again? If you despise this blog, why are you reading here? It is you who has the problem. *grins*
I'll try to put in some work today. Not sure it's possible. Later.
.
Not sure why. Perhaps medicine, perhaps another change in the weather, who ever knows. Some system are just fiddly. I believe I was to bed by 21:30... Hmm? Oh, well, I guess waking at 6:00 is within reason. I was thinking I had overslept. Given sleep isn't instant, taking up to an half hour normally, if waking usually is, that'll work. It just seemed like an overshot. Well, and I am not easily or readily awake.
This morning is the fourth morning of medicine. I have taken it completely, at full dose, and without any real problems. I can never tell if medicine is causing a side effect or not. Especially with it being cool and dark out. More so when the weather is a heavy lapse from warmth back, and several stages back and down. Just wait until your flesh is on the edge of the final blink. It's the little things. The big things might just take you out. Well, others in my condition, even many in much better condition. I just end up napping for months at what might kill others even in better shape than my condition but still in rougher shape. I'm not sure I'd call that lucky. Though life should be allowed to just work itself out. Murder, even if for the notion of compassion, certainly if for worse, is evil. Costs souls every day.
If folks want me gone, there is an easy enough way... buy me out. A community can easily afford this. I would go, not even angrily. Of course, it would take a bit to find another place, and to get ready and loaded. But it's doable. It beats going to hell for a simple want. And the cost would be recouped in an eventual sale. It is quite easy. It would be considered reasonable.
Just stories, mostly. Oh, there might be some reality connected in there. At least, as far as you are concerned, though... just stories. Let it go at that, doing both of us a favor. Waiting to die can become tedious. More so when day after day, what I can do might become very limited. Sad when one has access, time, and few downsides, and I still can't, somehow, get a nap in? *shrug* Do I believe any of it? Well, some of it was carved from notions, times, events, and dreams. Some of it might just be closer than you think, of the past. Of the future? Do you even believe I have a future? So... why would the dream of such bother you? If you don't believe, and yet it bugs you? I'm thinking it is you who needs sympathy. I have never asked for, nor do I need, empathy or sympathy.
Why am I having to go through this again? If you despise this blog, why are you reading here? It is you who has the problem. *grins*
I'll try to put in some work today. Not sure it's possible. Later.
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Hmm. Hmm?
.
.
Oh, right. Forgot to sleep. About ready now though. First a bite, then on to it. Probably. Something has been hunting me. Videos of a certain sort.
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Oh, right. Forgot to sleep. About ready now though. First a bite, then on to it. Probably. Something has been hunting me. Videos of a certain sort.
Three deaths in days.
.
.
One of them made sense. He wasn't famous. He had cancer, fought it for years, lost. I hope it was natural, I hope he sought and found Wisdom before dying, I hope he is at ease... without pain, need, or even want. I've seen that. It's... really good.
The other two were famous, and of means. One seems to have just... ended. Couldn't figure out what else to do, perhaps saw home as a trap, couldn't figure hobbies or another venture. He just ticked off and out. The other, if reports are true, hung himself. Why? There... there are reasons. Not all are correct, or as I put things, good enough. Some things seem to be forgivable. Judgment, on a particular case, even if I knew the facts and I don't, is beyond my skills... thankfully.
Still, these last two frustrate me. Both of those men had great means. If they wanted, they could have set up a workshop, fitted for wood, metal, small and large engine... they could have kitted and otherwise outfitted an electrical hobbyist space that would make me drool, and not even cut into their actual incomes... just using a bit of feeder cash from interest earned or royalties. And, if they wanted to upgrade their home, they could have paid to have that done, and quickly... just waiting on the workers, really.
.
One of them made sense. He wasn't famous. He had cancer, fought it for years, lost. I hope it was natural, I hope he sought and found Wisdom before dying, I hope he is at ease... without pain, need, or even want. I've seen that. It's... really good.
The other two were famous, and of means. One seems to have just... ended. Couldn't figure out what else to do, perhaps saw home as a trap, couldn't figure hobbies or another venture. He just ticked off and out. The other, if reports are true, hung himself. Why? There... there are reasons. Not all are correct, or as I put things, good enough. Some things seem to be forgivable. Judgment, on a particular case, even if I knew the facts and I don't, is beyond my skills... thankfully.
Still, these last two frustrate me. Both of those men had great means. If they wanted, they could have set up a workshop, fitted for wood, metal, small and large engine... they could have kitted and otherwise outfitted an electrical hobbyist space that would make me drool, and not even cut into their actual incomes... just using a bit of feeder cash from interest earned or royalties. And, if they wanted to upgrade their home, they could have paid to have that done, and quickly... just waiting on the workers, really.
Someone thinks he is funny.
.
.
Well? Okay, he is. He reminds me, further, that I... have laughed about these things too. Well, yeah. Sure, I stole the humor from someone else, at least their example of it. Hey, it's... all good. But, yes, I did survive my youth. Perhaps I should relax a bit more, mostly? Maybe.
It isn't just about survival. It is also all the could have, should have, and imagined but weren't events... well... and events, too, which did occur. There may come, again, such events, certainly such thoughts. And, yet, of kin or not, brothers of sorts, at least in these ways? Yeah, okay.
I had to laugh. I seriously had to laugh. I am well away from much, retired for the most part, even if still with some... spit. All of it, theirs and mine, for good or ill, is just the way of things. *shakes head* Damned kids.
While I chuckle, I am thinking a nap might be good.
Later.
.
Well? Okay, he is. He reminds me, further, that I... have laughed about these things too. Well, yeah. Sure, I stole the humor from someone else, at least their example of it. Hey, it's... all good. But, yes, I did survive my youth. Perhaps I should relax a bit more, mostly? Maybe.
It isn't just about survival. It is also all the could have, should have, and imagined but weren't events... well... and events, too, which did occur. There may come, again, such events, certainly such thoughts. And, yet, of kin or not, brothers of sorts, at least in these ways? Yeah, okay.
I had to laugh. I seriously had to laugh. I am well away from much, retired for the most part, even if still with some... spit. All of it, theirs and mine, for good or ill, is just the way of things. *shakes head* Damned kids.
While I chuckle, I am thinking a nap might be good.
Later.
Difficulty waking.
.
.
I'll keep at it. I realized there was a problem, so checked the temp. It is 66 F in here. Not a bad temperature. Comfortable, if numbness is the goal. If it is a resting day, that is perfect. Colder would even be good, it's just that I can't trust a lower temp to make the furnace work. Which is only a problem for water systems. Too cold, they freeze, then break. Not fun. If I want to work, usually it needs to be warmer. So up went the furnace, or on, or such. Still, until it warms, perhaps even then... numb. That might be the way of today.
.
I'll keep at it. I realized there was a problem, so checked the temp. It is 66 F in here. Not a bad temperature. Comfortable, if numbness is the goal. If it is a resting day, that is perfect. Colder would even be good, it's just that I can't trust a lower temp to make the furnace work. Which is only a problem for water systems. Too cold, they freeze, then break. Not fun. If I want to work, usually it needs to be warmer. So up went the furnace, or on, or such. Still, until it warms, perhaps even then... numb. That might be the way of today.
Down later.
.
.
Just couldn't go down by 20:30. It was more like 21:30~22:30. Memory gets foggy as I go to sleep. The sore on my leg hurt enough to wake me through the night, but I still slept more fully than usual... fewer times to the bathroom. I think I was only awake twice? I went to full dose of medication, that might be making controls more complicated, though going to bed when I want has never been easy. Though it actually might be helping. It could have been worse.
As I said, I skipped the load-up time, and just went with a full dose. I think I have been on full dose recently enough that it'll work out, and that seems to be holding. I am waking with headaches. Though if I treat them, that seems to work... as long as I don't push it. I could create a problem, even if just severe discomfort, if I push it. It's a bit of a cage, at least for a while.
Dishes, laundry folding on my breaks, and the main bedroom... I think that is what is on the menu. I think I can do it. I don't have to hit it hard, fast, or furiously, just... get in and get to it. Time on target will do the rest.
The Art of Electronics arrived yesterday. The lab book will be here Friday. I checked some things. It seems my smartphone will still function as a "computer", for apps, without service... so long as it is powered, and downloads are done through wifi or possibly via a dongle. Dongle? Something. I don't... am not always sure I am using the correct term... though they just make them up and change them at will. Not sure it matters so long as everyone understands. So... I might get that pay simulator app. The nice thing is, I am betting autoupdate nagging can be eliminated. Oh, and with that gone, I can put things on the calendar and not have them wiped every time there is a system and/or app update. Bogus.
I am already shoppoing components, breadboards, and the rest. I should look through my books and tools, I might have some things. I have a gooder multimeter, but another one or two wouldn't be bad. I know I have several sets of many things, if not generally from the electric tool category specifically. The crossover, and even an extra set of small varied needlenose and other pliers, an extra set of both regular and small screw, and other, driver sets... things like that. As I get into woodworking, I can build a desk and hutch, component cabinets, and such... if I really want that, or more if I have the extra bits around so as to not want to spend elsewise. It could happen.
Too much? Well, yes. In a moment. But time seems to gather, then stretch out. With the tools, the stretching out will be the time to unfold and use bits and parts and processes here, or another sort there, perhaps even mixing them. I would be good to know about about electricity when putting a router table together, for example, and wanting to wire something in for ease of use... or adding outlets on an outfeed table, for other things... especially if it can be parted into various benches... which are away from the wall... just plug them in, and have the outlets available. See?
Spirts of energy, spirit, curiosity, and prepping. That's how it goes. Plants grow that way, heck people grow that way. A lot in a hurry, then to figure out what to do with that growth, how to sustain. Electrical, but also mechanical tools. I am sure the mechanical, unpowered, devices will come in quite handy on their own, even if power never goes. And it really isn't just for me. To try to get these things into hands which would use them, when I am gone? That, too, will be a good thing.
I best wake. I don't know if I just missed foam or that was not her. A sense. One can never be sure. Later.
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Doh! Almost messed up.
.
.
Bedtime. A bit later than I wanted, but it'll still do. I just hope I can get to sleep. I got a bit done today. Even had my ire stoked. I should be careful. I may not be as decrepit as I think. The last time I got into it, even pulling my punches, I hospitalized a guy. That's... really not the best way. Even if he did deserve a drubbing, he really didn't... actually... he did. He was warned, then attacked from behind. So fuck him. Still, I'd rather not.
.
Bedtime. A bit later than I wanted, but it'll still do. I just hope I can get to sleep. I got a bit done today. Even had my ire stoked. I should be careful. I may not be as decrepit as I think. The last time I got into it, even pulling my punches, I hospitalized a guy. That's... really not the best way. Even if he did deserve a drubbing, he really didn't... actually... he did. He was warned, then attacked from behind. So fuck him. Still, I'd rather not.
Is that you, foam?
.
.
Hey, I've been wondering about something. If it's you, and it is, if you are still there... I want to get back into haiku, and thought you might be able to help. Hmm? Oh, nothing fancy. Toss out bait for my mind, from time to time. A topic. Heck, add your own haiku. Or, I could toss something back at you... once or twice a month.
I am think about Jean, too. Not even weekly, just monthly, or twice a month of each of you offered one topic. Just a fancy, curiosity of your own, or... such. I hope I didn't just miss you.
.
Hey, I've been wondering about something. If it's you, and it is, if you are still there... I want to get back into haiku, and thought you might be able to help. Hmm? Oh, nothing fancy. Toss out bait for my mind, from time to time. A topic. Heck, add your own haiku. Or, I could toss something back at you... once or twice a month.
I am think about Jean, too. Not even weekly, just monthly, or twice a month of each of you offered one topic. Just a fancy, curiosity of your own, or... such. I hope I didn't just miss you.
What a nasty day.
.
.
No, not in that things went wrong. I just got a lot of crap from three or four, no five times today. Hard stares. I acknowledged but they didn't want to press it. Once it was a pair of them. I didn't back down or press it, I just let it be known that if trouble was sought, it would be returned. I don't have enough stamina to truck it out, so I'd either kill, die, or go down hard. I don't have to be able to win a fight to kill. Then again, I doubt if most men, even now, have much of a chance. Even the blue collar grease monkey that stood behind me, mocking me to the checkout folks, while I was buying my chicken. At least they are smart enough not to press it. Still, pretty cowardly to give someone shit behind their back. He was my size, grungy from beating small engines or such into shape all day, but I am pretty sure he couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.
.
No, not in that things went wrong. I just got a lot of crap from three or four, no five times today. Hard stares. I acknowledged but they didn't want to press it. Once it was a pair of them. I didn't back down or press it, I just let it be known that if trouble was sought, it would be returned. I don't have enough stamina to truck it out, so I'd either kill, die, or go down hard. I don't have to be able to win a fight to kill. Then again, I doubt if most men, even now, have much of a chance. Even the blue collar grease monkey that stood behind me, mocking me to the checkout folks, while I was buying my chicken. At least they are smart enough not to press it. Still, pretty cowardly to give someone shit behind their back. He was my size, grungy from beating small engines or such into shape all day, but I am pretty sure he couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.
Bits. Pieces. Time.
.
.
I have been tinkering. Not much, just enough to say I am doing something. Decluttering there, throwing a few things out, then finally hitting dishes. They are clean, they just need a rinse. A shower first, I believe. Then the dishes back in, until I am ready for them.
As I was finishing the dishes, I noticed the outside seemed... quietly dark and cold. Just a sense. So, I decided to look. Snowing. Heavy. It's not sticking. It may not be able to stick. Will find out soon enough. It's pretty. As long as it doesn't cause icing on the roads, I'm good with it. Though it means I won't be working outside. I could sit outside, if I'm thinking the point is lost to a degree. Then again, winter, spring, summer, and fall? Some suggest that is part of the basis for natural poetry. *haiku!* Pardon. I ought to do something with that, it's just not quite ready to hatch.
Still feeling good, and doing well. I'll attempt to do a bit more, and then a bit more. But that is all. What more? I don't know that. I do know that I have done quite a lot this spring, even if it doesn't seem like it. Mechanical actual work, considerations for the future, ideas being fleshed out that languish but perhaps have been given a fresh breath. Tools to learning as well, not just on main notions, but on hobbies and more. Yes, feeling good, in more ways then one. If men decide to burn the world, okay... but until they get on with it, I have other things to do. Knock knock? Uhrm? Yeah. Don't answer that.
.
I have been tinkering. Not much, just enough to say I am doing something. Decluttering there, throwing a few things out, then finally hitting dishes. They are clean, they just need a rinse. A shower first, I believe. Then the dishes back in, until I am ready for them.
As I was finishing the dishes, I noticed the outside seemed... quietly dark and cold. Just a sense. So, I decided to look. Snowing. Heavy. It's not sticking. It may not be able to stick. Will find out soon enough. It's pretty. As long as it doesn't cause icing on the roads, I'm good with it. Though it means I won't be working outside. I could sit outside, if I'm thinking the point is lost to a degree. Then again, winter, spring, summer, and fall? Some suggest that is part of the basis for natural poetry. *haiku!* Pardon. I ought to do something with that, it's just not quite ready to hatch.
Still feeling good, and doing well. I'll attempt to do a bit more, and then a bit more. But that is all. What more? I don't know that. I do know that I have done quite a lot this spring, even if it doesn't seem like it. Mechanical actual work, considerations for the future, ideas being fleshed out that languish but perhaps have been given a fresh breath. Tools to learning as well, not just on main notions, but on hobbies and more. Yes, feeling good, in more ways then one. If men decide to burn the world, okay... but until they get on with it, I have other things to do. Knock knock? Uhrm? Yeah. Don't answer that.
Better?
.
.
I think so. Not a bit better, but a lot better. The migraine slipped away while I was reading, writing, and figuring. It even looks like the sun is going to give it a shot. Or... not. I haven't actually looked outside(tm), but I can see from around the drapes. A bit off and on, the sun. It seems I might be in good company. The good thing is, I do believe we are both in better moods and with greater potential that I would have dreamed just an hour ago.
So? So work. I don't want to overdo. I know it might be a bit of a trick with the painkillers. I also do not wish to waste the opportunity. So? Work, but not at speed? Something like that.
Dishes, first. So as to get a shower in after. Then maybe some sitting and folding. You know, one of the things I ought to do is go through my clothes. Size 44, even 42, jeans could be folded and at least put away. I'll never wear them again, not rightly. Oh, I do from time to time, when all else needs washed... and on hobo days. :p Then go through shirts. I have a lot of shirts very long in the tooth. Some should just go. Others set aside for work clothes. T-shirts pretty much stay until they die. Though I could, as with the others, put the old, faded, shirts, or with holes, into the work clothes group. I might need to replace some shirts, polos. But just a few. I also have other things I should go through, undershirts, underwear, socks... Just get rid of what is too old, stretched, done. I'll bet I could get a box or two of stuff out. Hmm... that would be a good thing to do to check off work in the room. Plus, I know, as rambling as my efforts can be, I won't just do clothes. I'll... touch a bit on that pile, take out that box, might even dust? Maybe.
If it looks to be stable enough, weatherwise, I might get outside. Working on branches, just moving the pile a bit... and cleaning the gutters. You know, this spring, if it does take a reason to be out? I found that I... really do like being outside. Fresh air, birds, traffic even as long as it is mild, people, and sun. You know, if nothing else, even if I don't work, I really ought to go out and sit out there a bit more often. Perhaps take a book. I am not sure how well an ebook reads out there, on my smartphone, but could try that. Or even play sudoku.
I still haven't beaten a game at 3 seconds. Yet. I have hit a few 7 second games this week. But I, again, haven't been playing as regular as I would like, perhaps need, to lower the number to 3. Then again, perhaps 5 seconds is the limit? Not even just because of me. Maybe that is as fast as this system can handle inputs? They... really probably didn't even devise a system to deal with that fast of inputs. I'm... not exactly the average customer. Still... I... think I can do it. I should try to keep up on it. As I said, I don't play the games over and over, anymore. I play them once, at least for what counts. Let me ask you, though... do you believe I am playing a sudoku game, and beating it in 5 seconds? On this one? I'll let you see if you stop by. At least look at the device, see the time, and play the device to see how well you do. If you have a tech means of checking for hacking, I'd let you do that. It is real. It also isn't... normal. At all. More so given my heart condition, and that I had only been playing the game for, perhaps, two years regularly when I got to that point. *wink*
Well... on with my day.
.
I think so. Not a bit better, but a lot better. The migraine slipped away while I was reading, writing, and figuring. It even looks like the sun is going to give it a shot. Or... not. I haven't actually looked outside(tm), but I can see from around the drapes. A bit off and on, the sun. It seems I might be in good company. The good thing is, I do believe we are both in better moods and with greater potential that I would have dreamed just an hour ago.
So? So work. I don't want to overdo. I know it might be a bit of a trick with the painkillers. I also do not wish to waste the opportunity. So? Work, but not at speed? Something like that.
Dishes, first. So as to get a shower in after. Then maybe some sitting and folding. You know, one of the things I ought to do is go through my clothes. Size 44, even 42, jeans could be folded and at least put away. I'll never wear them again, not rightly. Oh, I do from time to time, when all else needs washed... and on hobo days. :p Then go through shirts. I have a lot of shirts very long in the tooth. Some should just go. Others set aside for work clothes. T-shirts pretty much stay until they die. Though I could, as with the others, put the old, faded, shirts, or with holes, into the work clothes group. I might need to replace some shirts, polos. But just a few. I also have other things I should go through, undershirts, underwear, socks... Just get rid of what is too old, stretched, done. I'll bet I could get a box or two of stuff out. Hmm... that would be a good thing to do to check off work in the room. Plus, I know, as rambling as my efforts can be, I won't just do clothes. I'll... touch a bit on that pile, take out that box, might even dust? Maybe.
If it looks to be stable enough, weatherwise, I might get outside. Working on branches, just moving the pile a bit... and cleaning the gutters. You know, this spring, if it does take a reason to be out? I found that I... really do like being outside. Fresh air, birds, traffic even as long as it is mild, people, and sun. You know, if nothing else, even if I don't work, I really ought to go out and sit out there a bit more often. Perhaps take a book. I am not sure how well an ebook reads out there, on my smartphone, but could try that. Or even play sudoku.
I still haven't beaten a game at 3 seconds. Yet. I have hit a few 7 second games this week. But I, again, haven't been playing as regular as I would like, perhaps need, to lower the number to 3. Then again, perhaps 5 seconds is the limit? Not even just because of me. Maybe that is as fast as this system can handle inputs? They... really probably didn't even devise a system to deal with that fast of inputs. I'm... not exactly the average customer. Still... I... think I can do it. I should try to keep up on it. As I said, I don't play the games over and over, anymore. I play them once, at least for what counts. Let me ask you, though... do you believe I am playing a sudoku game, and beating it in 5 seconds? On this one? I'll let you see if you stop by. At least look at the device, see the time, and play the device to see how well you do. If you have a tech means of checking for hacking, I'd let you do that. It is real. It also isn't... normal. At all. More so given my heart condition, and that I had only been playing the game for, perhaps, two years regularly when I got to that point. *wink*
Well... on with my day.
How plans work to failure.
.
.
Two plans seem to be colliding. I was to bed by 20:00 (give or take an inch, always). Which means I am awake at about 5:00. That actually is extra sleep, though that may be required while adjusting sleep. That part worked well. Starting medicine, however, is difficult. That I was able to wake, mostly on time, is probably a fluke. I may try to be to bed even earlier, forcing myself to stay awake until 17:00 to 18:00. If that is pushing it, going to bed a bit earlier than that. I don't know if it will work, but I am willing to try to get ahead of all that in the hopes of keeping days.
I have a fine headache to start the day with. It's from restarting medicine. I don't know if there is much to be done for it. Headache? No, migraine. The center left quad of my brain... a spot and tendril at the center back base of my skull is... it's like it's filling the top two thirds quad with pain. Some of it might be muscular tension, some of it is whatever the medicine does, if both are connected too.
I doubt if I will be doing too much today. But if things smooth out, or even if they don't, I will finish the last of the dishes, maybe fold some laundry, and do a little bit here and there. If I can, I may get to the grocery store for just a few things. A shower again. Sure enjoy those, even daily or more sometimes.
I have been reviewing electronic components. Capacitors, resistors, pots, and such. Well, and looking over what information I can find, plus videos. I even, after looking through diodes, and several forms of them, thought about how to make a sort of disposable timer. As the voltage allowances changed over time, through heat, various circuits could be fed through the greater voltages being allowed through in a cascading destruction of elements. It would be a one-shot item. I am not sure how accurate, precise, the failure could be made. I am not sure of all the uses. One function, and one set of uses, comes immediately to mind... if at least one of those would require an exact timing. The other could be less strict, but would need to be at least roughly but surely ranged. Yes, my mind... seizes some things. Some would have to turn their back on mother nature to be similar. For me to choose even faith, I have done that... but to my nature. We simply are not the same.
I am watching an old Vincent Price movie. In which he is the last man on earth, mostly. I used to really enjoy V.P. movies. Then I outgrew them, many of them. At various times, as with Edgar Alan Poe, I have returned. This is one I do not remember. He, and his movies, dated me by a goodly lot. Not all of his movies made it back to the little screen. Televisions was a luxury as a kid, for me, and there were few channels. Literally, in many places, three channels was it... if that.
It was probably one of the first best dystopian, or survivor, or such movies. Well, that roughly follows more modern versions? At least, as far as I am aware (no expert on the matter, mind you). In it, there are, sort of, vampire zombies, vambies? zampires? I am just nearing the end. I can't stay interested, often, in watching a whole show, or even half. Sometimes, depending in part on me, sometimes more on the show, I watch these things in snippets. Half, quarter, or even less at a time. It works with reading, too, when I am in rough shape.
In any case, while the movie is playing out as suggested, I did have a notion for another way, after the plot had finally and fully been presented, but before they began working the rest of the story after the backstory... What if he were something like a superman. And, what he was killing wasn't zampires, but real humans... he was the monster. And on along that line. Perhaps he had been the one, and only one, to change. Everyone was weak, but only to him, and slow. Then, at the end, he finds to his true horror just what happened, but finds there is no way out... ending up unable to even die... so surrendering to a prison of sorts, in a medical facility. Lots of legs on that story, and following things (such as realizing they are using his infection in an attempt to create super soldiers and destroying that, or going a bit off, freeing himself, and... trying to live a normal life, etc. Lots of legs.
.
Two plans seem to be colliding. I was to bed by 20:00 (give or take an inch, always). Which means I am awake at about 5:00. That actually is extra sleep, though that may be required while adjusting sleep. That part worked well. Starting medicine, however, is difficult. That I was able to wake, mostly on time, is probably a fluke. I may try to be to bed even earlier, forcing myself to stay awake until 17:00 to 18:00. If that is pushing it, going to bed a bit earlier than that. I don't know if it will work, but I am willing to try to get ahead of all that in the hopes of keeping days.
I have a fine headache to start the day with. It's from restarting medicine. I don't know if there is much to be done for it. Headache? No, migraine. The center left quad of my brain... a spot and tendril at the center back base of my skull is... it's like it's filling the top two thirds quad with pain. Some of it might be muscular tension, some of it is whatever the medicine does, if both are connected too.
I doubt if I will be doing too much today. But if things smooth out, or even if they don't, I will finish the last of the dishes, maybe fold some laundry, and do a little bit here and there. If I can, I may get to the grocery store for just a few things. A shower again. Sure enjoy those, even daily or more sometimes.
I have been reviewing electronic components. Capacitors, resistors, pots, and such. Well, and looking over what information I can find, plus videos. I even, after looking through diodes, and several forms of them, thought about how to make a sort of disposable timer. As the voltage allowances changed over time, through heat, various circuits could be fed through the greater voltages being allowed through in a cascading destruction of elements. It would be a one-shot item. I am not sure how accurate, precise, the failure could be made. I am not sure of all the uses. One function, and one set of uses, comes immediately to mind... if at least one of those would require an exact timing. The other could be less strict, but would need to be at least roughly but surely ranged. Yes, my mind... seizes some things. Some would have to turn their back on mother nature to be similar. For me to choose even faith, I have done that... but to my nature. We simply are not the same.
I am watching an old Vincent Price movie. In which he is the last man on earth, mostly. I used to really enjoy V.P. movies. Then I outgrew them, many of them. At various times, as with Edgar Alan Poe, I have returned. This is one I do not remember. He, and his movies, dated me by a goodly lot. Not all of his movies made it back to the little screen. Televisions was a luxury as a kid, for me, and there were few channels. Literally, in many places, three channels was it... if that.
It was probably one of the first best dystopian, or survivor, or such movies. Well, that roughly follows more modern versions? At least, as far as I am aware (no expert on the matter, mind you). In it, there are, sort of, vampire zombies, vambies? zampires? I am just nearing the end. I can't stay interested, often, in watching a whole show, or even half. Sometimes, depending in part on me, sometimes more on the show, I watch these things in snippets. Half, quarter, or even less at a time. It works with reading, too, when I am in rough shape.
In any case, while the movie is playing out as suggested, I did have a notion for another way, after the plot had finally and fully been presented, but before they began working the rest of the story after the backstory... What if he were something like a superman. And, what he was killing wasn't zampires, but real humans... he was the monster. And on along that line. Perhaps he had been the one, and only one, to change. Everyone was weak, but only to him, and slow. Then, at the end, he finds to his true horror just what happened, but finds there is no way out... ending up unable to even die... so surrendering to a prison of sorts, in a medical facility. Lots of legs on that story, and following things (such as realizing they are using his infection in an attempt to create super soldiers and destroying that, or going a bit off, freeing himself, and... trying to live a normal life, etc. Lots of legs.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
A bit more.
.
.
I really had to get the bills paid. I have been horrible with money lately. It's not that I have been going beyond my means, but I have been cutting it too close, and it's not working right. I have to... sort these things out. It's easy to plan, but implementation often ends up costing more than proposed. And... then... there is just life. The more often you pop outside your door, the greater the risk you'll see something else at which to throw money... for good or ill.
The first bill went well. The amount due was known, and so it was paid, easily. The other bill was similar. However, they weren't answering their phone. It had to be in today, and they were having none of it. I called a number of times. Then I... tried a different phone. Got through, but realized I didn't have anything I needed to pay it on the phone, so hung up. Went and gathered what I needed, tried again. One busy, then back on. I sometimes suspect they try to generate late fees, especially on some people. Yeah, I know. But I got it paid too.
I have some other things on my mind. A shower, for example. Perhaps a trip to town later, maybe. Both of which, I decided, required dishes to be completed. So I hit that. I only finished half of them, but the half that is more annoying. The rest, to my mind, needed another wash. I did set them up for a soak. I'll take a break then hit that when it is cool enough, then a shower.
The timing of various potential events today will dictate which way I go, should I get back to work yet today. I won't be outside, but laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the kitchen, touching up in the bedroom, are all possibilities, and there are other options. I doubt if I will get to more than one or two more things. Just don't have it, can't get to much more... if I do that. Still, it's a goal, a hope, a plan. Later.
.
I really had to get the bills paid. I have been horrible with money lately. It's not that I have been going beyond my means, but I have been cutting it too close, and it's not working right. I have to... sort these things out. It's easy to plan, but implementation often ends up costing more than proposed. And... then... there is just life. The more often you pop outside your door, the greater the risk you'll see something else at which to throw money... for good or ill.
The first bill went well. The amount due was known, and so it was paid, easily. The other bill was similar. However, they weren't answering their phone. It had to be in today, and they were having none of it. I called a number of times. Then I... tried a different phone. Got through, but realized I didn't have anything I needed to pay it on the phone, so hung up. Went and gathered what I needed, tried again. One busy, then back on. I sometimes suspect they try to generate late fees, especially on some people. Yeah, I know. But I got it paid too.
I have some other things on my mind. A shower, for example. Perhaps a trip to town later, maybe. Both of which, I decided, required dishes to be completed. So I hit that. I only finished half of them, but the half that is more annoying. The rest, to my mind, needed another wash. I did set them up for a soak. I'll take a break then hit that when it is cool enough, then a shower.
The timing of various potential events today will dictate which way I go, should I get back to work yet today. I won't be outside, but laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the kitchen, touching up in the bedroom, are all possibilities, and there are other options. I doubt if I will get to more than one or two more things. Just don't have it, can't get to much more... if I do that. Still, it's a goal, a hope, a plan. Later.
A slow day.
.
.
It is darker, it is cool. I am tired. And I filled medicine and started that back up. Before that, I finished off the chicken. I best get some bills paid next. Hopefully I will then at least finish dishes and hit the laundry. I am struggling to get going. Doesn't mean I won't get to things, just means there is some doubt.
I have been doing just a bit of tinkering on the various circuit simulators. They have their limits. In real world applications, nothing is that cut and dried. Resistors aren't exact, voltage can vary, interference can occur, the list of possible offsets is usually greater than even the number of components involved. That isn't going to show up in these programs. Could you create that in a program? Some of it, yes. For example, randomizing a capacitor to within it's tolerances... the tolerances being programmable. It would be a lot more work, not something you would get for free or even for cheap. But it is doable. Even randomizing various other inputs, or making it so that, from time to time, the variance on a random component might not be within specs. Anyway...
Still, these are things to work with for minor lab projects. Some of them are more easily altered... say changing the voltage, or impedance, or such. Others are a lot more work... more clicks, pulling down menus or calling up pop-ups. Still, I'd like to use each for the first several projects to see if there is one that stands out for certain things, or one that is just hands down better or worse. Something to do when my body just isn't in the game. Yeah, well... summer and winter are teasing me. I love the cold tit, but know that hot is coming and wouldn't mind just getting to it, and over it.
I've got to admit, I am checking the news a bit more often. No, not looking for necessarily what they give, but for what they might be trying to hide... or the beginning of a big one... or something. It might just pass right along or France or Germany might get a facelift of the worst kind... as a start. It might well start over there, or even in Syria. I think a lot of assets are being arranged both to prevent that, as well as to deal with the after-affects. Just... something in the air. Hopefully it's just a thought on the minds of men in power which will pass without fruit. *blink blink*
I'll... do a few things then see what else can be done. The goal is to sleep earlier tonight. I don't mind being up to 21:00, but I'd like to start pushing or pulling for between 19:30 and 21:00, as a bedtime. Later.
.
It is darker, it is cool. I am tired. And I filled medicine and started that back up. Before that, I finished off the chicken. I best get some bills paid next. Hopefully I will then at least finish dishes and hit the laundry. I am struggling to get going. Doesn't mean I won't get to things, just means there is some doubt.
I have been doing just a bit of tinkering on the various circuit simulators. They have their limits. In real world applications, nothing is that cut and dried. Resistors aren't exact, voltage can vary, interference can occur, the list of possible offsets is usually greater than even the number of components involved. That isn't going to show up in these programs. Could you create that in a program? Some of it, yes. For example, randomizing a capacitor to within it's tolerances... the tolerances being programmable. It would be a lot more work, not something you would get for free or even for cheap. But it is doable. Even randomizing various other inputs, or making it so that, from time to time, the variance on a random component might not be within specs. Anyway...
Still, these are things to work with for minor lab projects. Some of them are more easily altered... say changing the voltage, or impedance, or such. Others are a lot more work... more clicks, pulling down menus or calling up pop-ups. Still, I'd like to use each for the first several projects to see if there is one that stands out for certain things, or one that is just hands down better or worse. Something to do when my body just isn't in the game. Yeah, well... summer and winter are teasing me. I love the cold tit, but know that hot is coming and wouldn't mind just getting to it, and over it.
I've got to admit, I am checking the news a bit more often. No, not looking for necessarily what they give, but for what they might be trying to hide... or the beginning of a big one... or something. It might just pass right along or France or Germany might get a facelift of the worst kind... as a start. It might well start over there, or even in Syria. I think a lot of assets are being arranged both to prevent that, as well as to deal with the after-affects. Just... something in the air. Hopefully it's just a thought on the minds of men in power which will pass without fruit. *blink blink*
I'll... do a few things then see what else can be done. The goal is to sleep earlier tonight. I don't mind being up to 21:00, but I'd like to start pushing or pulling for between 19:30 and 21:00, as a bedtime. Later.
Down late up early.
.
.
I am trying to fight rolling my day back into night, at least as fast as it is happening. It took a long time to get around to staying awake until 17:00. Then I had it to that, and stably, for about a week. Now the body is not being able to sleep until 23:00(ish). I'm not sure if it is extra sun or what. I'll be attempting to do a few tricks in order to sleep earlier. With the weather being cool for the next week, perhaps even snow coming, along with a hard frost, perhaps I can keep to days for a bit longer.
I kicked the girls out, and they will stay out for a while. They have been fighting and fussing and even bothering me lately. I'm not sure what they are doing. I have a sore that... I think they are bothering. I can't swear to it, but I think so. Perhaps that is how they operated, on themselves and each other. Perhaps they push these things in order to help heal, or kill off, the wounded in their ranks? Healing can be an issue as is, so out they go.
Dishes, laundry, the kitchen, and the bedroom... Some bills to pay... If I can get outside, and it isn't snowing, I could begin working on the gutters and moving that pile of branches. I might look for sources regarding... Gah... Got distracted, then lost my train of thought. Oh well.
Oh, but something else? While I can't afford more than books, for now, regarding electronics, there is another way. While examining reviews of various books involving electronics, somewhere in there I gathered that there are simulators, perhaps even for smartphones. Though perhaps only for smartphones? Anyway, I went looking. I found two free ones, and a chip pin dataset. Not that chips are first on my list, and yet... while I learn, it would be good to have something I can do a more in-depth review regarding. And it was free. I might still have a manual on chips, if it would be dated from the 90's... perhaps older. Still, some things never change... until they are replaced. I might have a few other resources along those lines, though I wouldn't swear to it.
The thing is, with two different circuit simulators, and others out there if these aren't up to snuff... a pay one perhaps... I can at least get an idea of what the labs are about. Some suggest they don't need breadboards, components, and even soldering setups so long as they have the simulators. I know, first hand, the folly of that. Even if you understand a circuit, on paper (or simulation), back and forth, up and down? Until you have wired it, you really don't know it. It can get really messy in there. I would say it is the difference between knowing that the basketball goes in the net and fitting it then, around opponents, beyond gravity, and all else. So, while the simulator will help me keep up, it will be no substitute. However, on some projects or labs... if I don't want to spend the money are parts (if that happens to be an issue), or there isn't something new in there other than mechanical practicum, and/or I don't want or need the project for my own use or interest, the simulation would make for a fine skip.
Now I have to figure out how these work. While I found them before, for some reason my smartphone was refusing to download. A few days ago, it just ignored my request. Odd. So I spent specific time last night. The downloads kept timing out. Are the data services overloaded, is something going on locally? At some point in the day, then on through the night, my g4 dies, then g3 follows, to no data service. I'll be dumping this before long anyway, so it doesn't really matter, still... Oh... I wonder if these programs, and ebooks, still work on "dead" smartphones? I'll find out, if no one knows or says between now and then.
Later.
.
I am trying to fight rolling my day back into night, at least as fast as it is happening. It took a long time to get around to staying awake until 17:00. Then I had it to that, and stably, for about a week. Now the body is not being able to sleep until 23:00(ish). I'm not sure if it is extra sun or what. I'll be attempting to do a few tricks in order to sleep earlier. With the weather being cool for the next week, perhaps even snow coming, along with a hard frost, perhaps I can keep to days for a bit longer.
I kicked the girls out, and they will stay out for a while. They have been fighting and fussing and even bothering me lately. I'm not sure what they are doing. I have a sore that... I think they are bothering. I can't swear to it, but I think so. Perhaps that is how they operated, on themselves and each other. Perhaps they push these things in order to help heal, or kill off, the wounded in their ranks? Healing can be an issue as is, so out they go.
Dishes, laundry, the kitchen, and the bedroom... Some bills to pay... If I can get outside, and it isn't snowing, I could begin working on the gutters and moving that pile of branches. I might look for sources regarding... Gah... Got distracted, then lost my train of thought. Oh well.
Oh, but something else? While I can't afford more than books, for now, regarding electronics, there is another way. While examining reviews of various books involving electronics, somewhere in there I gathered that there are simulators, perhaps even for smartphones. Though perhaps only for smartphones? Anyway, I went looking. I found two free ones, and a chip pin dataset. Not that chips are first on my list, and yet... while I learn, it would be good to have something I can do a more in-depth review regarding. And it was free. I might still have a manual on chips, if it would be dated from the 90's... perhaps older. Still, some things never change... until they are replaced. I might have a few other resources along those lines, though I wouldn't swear to it.
The thing is, with two different circuit simulators, and others out there if these aren't up to snuff... a pay one perhaps... I can at least get an idea of what the labs are about. Some suggest they don't need breadboards, components, and even soldering setups so long as they have the simulators. I know, first hand, the folly of that. Even if you understand a circuit, on paper (or simulation), back and forth, up and down? Until you have wired it, you really don't know it. It can get really messy in there. I would say it is the difference between knowing that the basketball goes in the net and fitting it then, around opponents, beyond gravity, and all else. So, while the simulator will help me keep up, it will be no substitute. However, on some projects or labs... if I don't want to spend the money are parts (if that happens to be an issue), or there isn't something new in there other than mechanical practicum, and/or I don't want or need the project for my own use or interest, the simulation would make for a fine skip.
Now I have to figure out how these work. While I found them before, for some reason my smartphone was refusing to download. A few days ago, it just ignored my request. Odd. So I spent specific time last night. The downloads kept timing out. Are the data services overloaded, is something going on locally? At some point in the day, then on through the night, my g4 dies, then g3 follows, to no data service. I'll be dumping this before long anyway, so it doesn't really matter, still... Oh... I wonder if these programs, and ebooks, still work on "dead" smartphones? I'll find out, if no one knows or says between now and then.
Later.
Monday, May 15, 2017
A few more things.
.
.
I seem to be facing a stiff headwind. Just can't keep it up. At least I did a bit of work, took a trip, did a few more things, and... well... had a good day.
Why enjoy life, and plan for the future, even with the sense of a potential end right on the tip of my tongue? Well... lots of reasons. One, of course, I have learned to plan on a future right through death. I am living it. Long after I was not supposed to be living it. Another, even if I died tomorrow, or we all did, I'd still plan for the day after tomorrow. Actually, I am planning for then. There is more. You might have to take it on faith, I don't. *cheater* Heck yeah. More? I just don't quit. Even if there was no after, I'd still plan. Which is why I eventually had to find my way to faith. Living in such a way is a very Christian thing.
Oh, while I handed out suggestions to Christians in my last post, I failed to mention you others. If, in the conflagration and true horror, if it comes to pass... if you don't believe? Still do what you are sure to be right. Don't give in, it'll pay. Further, if revelation arrives to you, even if just in time before you die? Have heart. It is enough. Consecrate your new faith, bless it, give up your sins and forgive those who have sinned against you. Pray, and open your heart. It's never too late.
Just thought to add that last part. An obverse devil's advocate, finally. Good night.
.
I seem to be facing a stiff headwind. Just can't keep it up. At least I did a bit of work, took a trip, did a few more things, and... well... had a good day.
Why enjoy life, and plan for the future, even with the sense of a potential end right on the tip of my tongue? Well... lots of reasons. One, of course, I have learned to plan on a future right through death. I am living it. Long after I was not supposed to be living it. Another, even if I died tomorrow, or we all did, I'd still plan for the day after tomorrow. Actually, I am planning for then. There is more. You might have to take it on faith, I don't. *cheater* Heck yeah. More? I just don't quit. Even if there was no after, I'd still plan. Which is why I eventually had to find my way to faith. Living in such a way is a very Christian thing.
Oh, while I handed out suggestions to Christians in my last post, I failed to mention you others. If, in the conflagration and true horror, if it comes to pass... if you don't believe? Still do what you are sure to be right. Don't give in, it'll pay. Further, if revelation arrives to you, even if just in time before you die? Have heart. It is enough. Consecrate your new faith, bless it, give up your sins and forgive those who have sinned against you. Pray, and open your heart. It's never too late.
Just thought to add that last part. An obverse devil's advocate, finally. Good night.
Is it?
.
.
Not quite yet, mostly. Everyone is taking their places. Stopwatches are going, timers are set, schedules are being made, sides are being fleshed out, borders created. By standing still I am able to move so very fast. I see it, everywhere. What always amazes me is how so few who are doing what they are doing know why they are doing what they are doing. Blind through distance in mechanical vision, mostly dead, not knowing any of the actors from native experience, not even knowing command structures, imperatives, objectives, or resources, and I see it all. Funny thing? Even if I told them, convinced them, knew better? Even if I had the information to get their plan to work, without cost? They would still pick their ways, most of them, even if it meant catastrophic loss and price. Then again, I wouldn't advise. Many are simply wrong. Even the ones who aren't wrongheaded are off track through method.
.
Not quite yet, mostly. Everyone is taking their places. Stopwatches are going, timers are set, schedules are being made, sides are being fleshed out, borders created. By standing still I am able to move so very fast. I see it, everywhere. What always amazes me is how so few who are doing what they are doing know why they are doing what they are doing. Blind through distance in mechanical vision, mostly dead, not knowing any of the actors from native experience, not even knowing command structures, imperatives, objectives, or resources, and I see it all. Funny thing? Even if I told them, convinced them, knew better? Even if I had the information to get their plan to work, without cost? They would still pick their ways, most of them, even if it meant catastrophic loss and price. Then again, I wouldn't advise. Many are simply wrong. Even the ones who aren't wrongheaded are off track through method.
A rolling start.
.
.
I just didn't think much would happen. Then I did a few things, a few more, and ended up doing a nice tidy small little group of tasks, chores, and such. Of course, I messed up a bit. I made it to town, but without my wallet. Even so, since I returned two pair of shoes, I ended up with cash for a few project items. Oh, it's been a long time since I've been in a bigger public store, in a womens' section, buying their stuff. I can't remember the last time, probably with my last fiancee. I can't remember what it was. This time, it was just nail polish for the tile floor. Oh, and looking for something else. Anyway, just saying. I think, if I go that way in the future, I'll... do it online. Still, I should be able to fix the chips in the tile, or give it a shot. I got white, light beige, and a darker beige. I just couldn't be sure about the colors. Hmm... even if the dark doesn't work on that, I think I have some holes in a wall it might, for a touch up, work on.
I stopped at the post office. I now have two books on wiring. Each is just a bit different, aimed at a slightly different audience, written for slightly different levels, etc. I just wanted a couple of different views. The other home electric book I have was a glossy photo, very limited, thing that just did not go into any depth. If you weren't working with the amps and volts they had, there really wasn't a way to figure out how to change that. Good more for ideas than practical, as I saw it. Or of guys who know electrical, but might not have thought to do something, or a certain way.
I'm not sure what else will happen today. I did spray around the foundation for bugs. I'll probably need to do that again in later August, early September. Winter handles the rest. Bugs were just starting to peak out and beginning to become a nuisance. This stuff usually takes very good care of that. Though, if I can get things better arranged, I would like to shoo the girls out and spray in here, around the periphery. It just helps. I forgot to look at the weeds in the driveway, since trying vinegar, salt, and soap. I don't think it did a bit of good. So... so, soon, I'll need to get a real week killer and get that going. Or check my stocks. I might still have some. I could try it, at least. It would be old. Then again, so am I. :p
Well, a bit of this and that, then on to some other chores. Good day.
.
I just didn't think much would happen. Then I did a few things, a few more, and ended up doing a nice tidy small little group of tasks, chores, and such. Of course, I messed up a bit. I made it to town, but without my wallet. Even so, since I returned two pair of shoes, I ended up with cash for a few project items. Oh, it's been a long time since I've been in a bigger public store, in a womens' section, buying their stuff. I can't remember the last time, probably with my last fiancee. I can't remember what it was. This time, it was just nail polish for the tile floor. Oh, and looking for something else. Anyway, just saying. I think, if I go that way in the future, I'll... do it online. Still, I should be able to fix the chips in the tile, or give it a shot. I got white, light beige, and a darker beige. I just couldn't be sure about the colors. Hmm... even if the dark doesn't work on that, I think I have some holes in a wall it might, for a touch up, work on.
I stopped at the post office. I now have two books on wiring. Each is just a bit different, aimed at a slightly different audience, written for slightly different levels, etc. I just wanted a couple of different views. The other home electric book I have was a glossy photo, very limited, thing that just did not go into any depth. If you weren't working with the amps and volts they had, there really wasn't a way to figure out how to change that. Good more for ideas than practical, as I saw it. Or of guys who know electrical, but might not have thought to do something, or a certain way.
I'm not sure what else will happen today. I did spray around the foundation for bugs. I'll probably need to do that again in later August, early September. Winter handles the rest. Bugs were just starting to peak out and beginning to become a nuisance. This stuff usually takes very good care of that. Though, if I can get things better arranged, I would like to shoo the girls out and spray in here, around the periphery. It just helps. I forgot to look at the weeds in the driveway, since trying vinegar, salt, and soap. I don't think it did a bit of good. So... so, soon, I'll need to get a real week killer and get that going. Or check my stocks. I might still have some. I could try it, at least. It would be old. Then again, so am I. :p
Well, a bit of this and that, then on to some other chores. Good day.
Looking back.
.
.
Every once in a while, someone goes back to look at a post from before the heart diagnosis. It was apparent then that I was on the edge of death. It just wasn't realized that is what biological. I can tell, from responses, that others thought I would be dead soon. As did I, really. It was almost a foregone conclusion. Just... waiting. Many timed out. At some point, when death doesn't happen, people who were there as spectators or support simply run out of time and energy. Or, even, become ill or die themselves.
Funny thing is, when I realized it was the heart? I then knew I had a long life ahead of me. Something about it... knowing what the problem was... I was pretty sure my body would beat it. My doctors still think I should be dead, by now. Every new doctor I get is sure I will be dead in... what time is it? Right. They all try to stuff me with pills that would kill me or cripple me fully, or put me under the knife. I have to... teach them. Still, meds help, at the right level, if I can stay on them.
No, I was just amazed. Reading back, a number of times this last month, following tracks of someone who was curious... an old reader, or new, on any particular track, I could not tell. Sometimes there is a tie from then to a recent post... or potential tie. Or something I wrote then that makes sense now more than then. I wonder if someone(s) have put the blog into a format for word and phrase searches. I think at least one, though perhaps several, and just maybe many... study my blog. Probably just messing with logic theory, or psychology, or even a bit more arcane involvements. I suggest it is in there, I just won't try to explain what it all means. I might be the game, maybe, at times. But it still isn't my game. Riding the lightning doesn't make you electricity, merely electrified. There is a world of difference.
Oh... just... strange. Back to waking.
.
Every once in a while, someone goes back to look at a post from before the heart diagnosis. It was apparent then that I was on the edge of death. It just wasn't realized that is what biological. I can tell, from responses, that others thought I would be dead soon. As did I, really. It was almost a foregone conclusion. Just... waiting. Many timed out. At some point, when death doesn't happen, people who were there as spectators or support simply run out of time and energy. Or, even, become ill or die themselves.
Funny thing is, when I realized it was the heart? I then knew I had a long life ahead of me. Something about it... knowing what the problem was... I was pretty sure my body would beat it. My doctors still think I should be dead, by now. Every new doctor I get is sure I will be dead in... what time is it? Right. They all try to stuff me with pills that would kill me or cripple me fully, or put me under the knife. I have to... teach them. Still, meds help, at the right level, if I can stay on them.
No, I was just amazed. Reading back, a number of times this last month, following tracks of someone who was curious... an old reader, or new, on any particular track, I could not tell. Sometimes there is a tie from then to a recent post... or potential tie. Or something I wrote then that makes sense now more than then. I wonder if someone(s) have put the blog into a format for word and phrase searches. I think at least one, though perhaps several, and just maybe many... study my blog. Probably just messing with logic theory, or psychology, or even a bit more arcane involvements. I suggest it is in there, I just won't try to explain what it all means. I might be the game, maybe, at times. But it still isn't my game. Riding the lightning doesn't make you electricity, merely electrified. There is a world of difference.
Oh... just... strange. Back to waking.
Down late.
.
.
So up late. I don't know what the gig was. I just could not get in to bed at a normal time. I got my eight hours of sleep, but I also have a minor headache. You have no idea how good a regular night of sleep, and then day, is. I have always had trouble with that. Though, sometimes, I have been able to iron it out, do better. Actually, I have been doing a lot better, if far from perfect, in these last three to five years. Headache. I'll take something for that. I have things I want to do and I don't want to mess with that.
Another round of those dishes. I am hoping to actually finish those today, and early. Then another shower. I sure like those. Maybe on to some laundry? Not sure if I have much, could round up what I do have. I'm just not hungry, though a few eggs would work. Over-easy, sunny-side up, whatever. No toast or bacon thawed, but I... hmm... I might have a bit of corned beef. I'll check that. Oh, and I bought a few cans of potted meat. I've been meaning to see if I can tolerate it, so might put a case of several types back... for emergencies where even a fire might not be available... or some travel would be required... I am hoping to be able to make do, so as to store some really easy food, other than mre's.
The trash is out, and yet I would like to sort through a few things, and perhaps find more. I need to rip into the house again, rip and tear and toss and sort and store, like a tornado. The various tool boxes need to be sorted and restored... one for plumbing, one for general, one for electrical, etc. If you don't have a home, you probably wouldn't see a reason. If you do have a home, and you don't want to pay professionals every time something happens, you would be amazed at how many specialized tools for various tasks you accumulate. Trying to keep them altogether is not possible, nor advised. You'll never know where anything is, as is, half the time. Gah! Still, if you aren't into tinkering, don't buy a home. Rent, and have the landlord fix the problem, or bring in a pro.
So... a trash hunt and peck, dishes, breakfast, a shower, and... And? I don't know that. Oh, I want to check the outside temp... one second... It's just below 30 F. But that is after warming, a bit, I think. The sun is sort of brightening things. Weird, this far into May? Then again, I think the usual last frost is toward the middle of this month. Even so, it seems a long spring this year? Later.
.
So up late. I don't know what the gig was. I just could not get in to bed at a normal time. I got my eight hours of sleep, but I also have a minor headache. You have no idea how good a regular night of sleep, and then day, is. I have always had trouble with that. Though, sometimes, I have been able to iron it out, do better. Actually, I have been doing a lot better, if far from perfect, in these last three to five years. Headache. I'll take something for that. I have things I want to do and I don't want to mess with that.
Another round of those dishes. I am hoping to actually finish those today, and early. Then another shower. I sure like those. Maybe on to some laundry? Not sure if I have much, could round up what I do have. I'm just not hungry, though a few eggs would work. Over-easy, sunny-side up, whatever. No toast or bacon thawed, but I... hmm... I might have a bit of corned beef. I'll check that. Oh, and I bought a few cans of potted meat. I've been meaning to see if I can tolerate it, so might put a case of several types back... for emergencies where even a fire might not be available... or some travel would be required... I am hoping to be able to make do, so as to store some really easy food, other than mre's.
The trash is out, and yet I would like to sort through a few things, and perhaps find more. I need to rip into the house again, rip and tear and toss and sort and store, like a tornado. The various tool boxes need to be sorted and restored... one for plumbing, one for general, one for electrical, etc. If you don't have a home, you probably wouldn't see a reason. If you do have a home, and you don't want to pay professionals every time something happens, you would be amazed at how many specialized tools for various tasks you accumulate. Trying to keep them altogether is not possible, nor advised. You'll never know where anything is, as is, half the time. Gah! Still, if you aren't into tinkering, don't buy a home. Rent, and have the landlord fix the problem, or bring in a pro.
So... a trash hunt and peck, dishes, breakfast, a shower, and... And? I don't know that. Oh, I want to check the outside temp... one second... It's just below 30 F. But that is after warming, a bit, I think. The sun is sort of brightening things. Weird, this far into May? Then again, I think the usual last frost is toward the middle of this month. Even so, it seems a long spring this year? Later.
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Oh, some tech and math.
.
.
While I sort out life, floating between life and death, perhaps edging closer to the latter, I... still like to keep busy. I have been involved with math, science, and electronics for much of my life. I have never delved in as I would have liked. I even sense that I was not welcome in those fields. Academia itself is what it is, rejecting of anything not like it. This will fix itself, is fixing itself. Not through academic means, but it is getting there.
Still, none can stop me from tinkering, reading, or doing math or the rest on my own. I'll leave some of it alone, like installing a new mains. Though I would like to try my hand at a sub panel, rewiring a few breakers, and tinkering with smaller electronic devices... perhaps even making a few, such as a power supply for the bench. It is something that can be done when I can't do heavier work, or even physical work. Though, I think you will find, if you truly apply your mind? You will wear out just the same. Perhaps even faster... at least until, or unless, you can expand your psychic endurance. I am not sure about that. Though I seem to be, if slightly, expanding my physical endurance.
Ah, but here is a beginning intro to electrical components. Just some notes I found... worthy. Sure, it's a bit sleepy... if you aren't interested even more so. Though, if you were ever curious about such, there you go.
Next is a course regarding number theory. It is at a level that seems very approachable. I have viewed the first three vids, and yeah. He is starting out slow, and not shooting through, which is fine by me. If you have ever been curious about math, this might be something... to open your mind on the topic. If you are a bit of a math hobbyist, as myself (if more in theory lately), this might be a way to this topic or back into math. Hey, I am what I am.
And, you know, if you get into one, it will help with the other. If you dig enough, you will find that there is much overlap in much. While these aren't overlapping areas, they would open for a solid base in other areas which do overlap. It's... a trick, but a neat one. I haven't gotten it, but then I have trouble just staying awake. I may only be dream learning, but it'll do... for now. I'd sure like to tinker, and may get to it before too awful long... at least in these areas.
Just thought I'd share out some e-loot on these matters. Enjoy, don't, but don't say I didn't give you anything. Good night.
.
While I sort out life, floating between life and death, perhaps edging closer to the latter, I... still like to keep busy. I have been involved with math, science, and electronics for much of my life. I have never delved in as I would have liked. I even sense that I was not welcome in those fields. Academia itself is what it is, rejecting of anything not like it. This will fix itself, is fixing itself. Not through academic means, but it is getting there.
Still, none can stop me from tinkering, reading, or doing math or the rest on my own. I'll leave some of it alone, like installing a new mains. Though I would like to try my hand at a sub panel, rewiring a few breakers, and tinkering with smaller electronic devices... perhaps even making a few, such as a power supply for the bench. It is something that can be done when I can't do heavier work, or even physical work. Though, I think you will find, if you truly apply your mind? You will wear out just the same. Perhaps even faster... at least until, or unless, you can expand your psychic endurance. I am not sure about that. Though I seem to be, if slightly, expanding my physical endurance.
Ah, but here is a beginning intro to electrical components. Just some notes I found... worthy. Sure, it's a bit sleepy... if you aren't interested even more so. Though, if you were ever curious about such, there you go.
Next is a course regarding number theory. It is at a level that seems very approachable. I have viewed the first three vids, and yeah. He is starting out slow, and not shooting through, which is fine by me. If you have ever been curious about math, this might be something... to open your mind on the topic. If you are a bit of a math hobbyist, as myself (if more in theory lately), this might be a way to this topic or back into math. Hey, I am what I am.
And, you know, if you get into one, it will help with the other. If you dig enough, you will find that there is much overlap in much. While these aren't overlapping areas, they would open for a solid base in other areas which do overlap. It's... a trick, but a neat one. I haven't gotten it, but then I have trouble just staying awake. I may only be dream learning, but it'll do... for now. I'd sure like to tinker, and may get to it before too awful long... at least in these areas.
Just thought I'd share out some e-loot on these matters. Enjoy, don't, but don't say I didn't give you anything. Good night.
Some of it.
.
.
I am simply dragging. I cooked lunch, and have a bit left over for tomorrow. I couldn't get going for the longest time. I finally did the dishes, first time around, then took a shower. When the water has heated back up I will put the dishes in for another run. Finish them tonight? Not likely. I'm not even sure about laundry. Though I will push to get the trash out.
I had thought to water things, but with the temps plunging, watering would not be good. Even things meant to be planted before the frost can't tolerate being wetted then frosted. Just asking too much. Hmm, looks like fresh powder up on the mountains, too. Yeah, this spring is just going to take a while to settle and warm. Unfortunately, that probably means it is going to get, then just stay, hot. I'll have to work through that.
Oh, I best get medicines together. Then trash out. Other than that, I just don't have anything else even possibly on the schedule. I have a feeling as if I am a bit ill. Not that I'll let that get in the way, if I have a choice. The flu? If so, a very mild case... and maybe more like a weak case of stomach flu? That's the feeling, if it could be something else.
Later. Or more likely good night.
.
I am simply dragging. I cooked lunch, and have a bit left over for tomorrow. I couldn't get going for the longest time. I finally did the dishes, first time around, then took a shower. When the water has heated back up I will put the dishes in for another run. Finish them tonight? Not likely. I'm not even sure about laundry. Though I will push to get the trash out.
I had thought to water things, but with the temps plunging, watering would not be good. Even things meant to be planted before the frost can't tolerate being wetted then frosted. Just asking too much. Hmm, looks like fresh powder up on the mountains, too. Yeah, this spring is just going to take a while to settle and warm. Unfortunately, that probably means it is going to get, then just stay, hot. I'll have to work through that.
Oh, I best get medicines together. Then trash out. Other than that, I just don't have anything else even possibly on the schedule. I have a feeling as if I am a bit ill. Not that I'll let that get in the way, if I have a choice. The flu? If so, a very mild case... and maybe more like a weak case of stomach flu? That's the feeling, if it could be something else.
Later. Or more likely good night.
It is Mother's Day.
.
.
Just in case some of you are as bad as I am. Yes, I did call. She was surprised. Though... something else. I have done fairly well at calling the last few years, four, five? She says a call is good enough, not to worry about a card. That, I don't think, is true. What is true is a call is better than avoiding her for a month because I didn't send a card. Reality is what it is.
I can't tell if she was just busy, or not feeling well, or in a jam at the store and my call was causing problems. Though I thought there was more to it. She either really didn't expect a call, and it got to her, or... she is disappointed about something. I just don't know. Or, maybe, something has gone wrong in her life, something she doesn't want to talk to me regarding. Sometimes, when people she used to like or love get in trouble, people I did not care for, she sort of gets stuck... and has some anger at me for not liking them. I just don't like certain people, especially some people who do some things, at least if they haven't changed, can't see why, refuse to know the difference. I never can tell, but something strange in there. Mother has learned to hide from me, if that isn't always possible.
Still, I called. I hope it was just a bitter sweet thing, with no other issues. I called a day or two ago. I can see why she might have thought I had lost track of mother's day, or I would have waited on my call. And... she was right. But someone else reminded me.
If she were closer, I would have planned for her to be here for dinner. She is shopping for where she is going. I might have had her shop as well, for dinner here. I am roasting chicken. I am heating the oven as I write. The chicken has been washed, rinsed well, and is now soaking in a mild brine. It just works better. In a bit I will drain, pat dry, salt, and begin the baking. All good.
Later.
It really is cold.
.
.
It was well in the low 20's when I looked a bit ago. No wonder the asparagus hasn't been doing much. I am surprised the rest looks as good as it does. I don't know how they gauge these things, but for my mind I would call that a hard frost. No wonder I have fallen. It's not that the 20's are too cold. It is more that when it hit's the 70's, and is warm for a while to the point of hot, then cools like this, I... can't handle the fast changes well at all. No worries. I'll keep trying.
I changed the water for the dishes. Breakfast was next. All good. I do hope to completely finish dishes, and pretty much, laundry today. Trash and recycling as well. A shower in there too. Nothing more. In part because it is Sunday, but just as much because I realize I can't do much more. Oh... one other thing, reset medicines. I'll go this first week on half of the main medicine dose, then put it back up to the max dose from then on. Yeah. That'll be tough but I gotta do it. I can tell. Fighting weather changes, medicine, and heavy work has been a bit tight, but I think I'll do alright.
I need to make it to the grocery store in the next few days. Low on too many things. I've learned to buy, and eat, in such a way as to be able to coast a fairly long time. I might run out of some things, like milk and cream sooner than later... and live without them for a while. But so be it. As long as I have something to eat, and can make do, life is easier. I am learning to make do without simply starving. Which I can also do. To be honest, that might actually be healthier, if it prevents me from working and being active. Choices, I guess.
It'll take a bit before I can get to things. It was a heavy breakfast. I think I'll wander the internet, review some of the devices I have and how best to use them, drool over some of the tools on my short list, imagine projects I would like to do and review paths to success others have taken. I saw a video earlier, about how learning (pretty much anything) is more about learning to accept failure. I've heard that before. And... there is some truth to it. Success, actually, can be just as daunting. Or so I say. Pure success can lead to avoidance as well. Why? I suppose you would have to figure that out for yourself. But part of it is that I don't want to get stuck doing just what I can do successfully. To be forced into that. The world wants scalable one-trick ponies, and will trick, cajole, snare, blackmail, and in any way it can, try to corner you into being it's breadmaker. Though there is more to it than that.
Anyway... I suppose I should turn up the heat while I am at it. It really is chilly. For the last four or five days, or more(?), it had become almost intolerably warm, so this... is a bit of a system shock. Yeah, some heat. Later.
.
It was well in the low 20's when I looked a bit ago. No wonder the asparagus hasn't been doing much. I am surprised the rest looks as good as it does. I don't know how they gauge these things, but for my mind I would call that a hard frost. No wonder I have fallen. It's not that the 20's are too cold. It is more that when it hit's the 70's, and is warm for a while to the point of hot, then cools like this, I... can't handle the fast changes well at all. No worries. I'll keep trying.
I changed the water for the dishes. Breakfast was next. All good. I do hope to completely finish dishes, and pretty much, laundry today. Trash and recycling as well. A shower in there too. Nothing more. In part because it is Sunday, but just as much because I realize I can't do much more. Oh... one other thing, reset medicines. I'll go this first week on half of the main medicine dose, then put it back up to the max dose from then on. Yeah. That'll be tough but I gotta do it. I can tell. Fighting weather changes, medicine, and heavy work has been a bit tight, but I think I'll do alright.
I need to make it to the grocery store in the next few days. Low on too many things. I've learned to buy, and eat, in such a way as to be able to coast a fairly long time. I might run out of some things, like milk and cream sooner than later... and live without them for a while. But so be it. As long as I have something to eat, and can make do, life is easier. I am learning to make do without simply starving. Which I can also do. To be honest, that might actually be healthier, if it prevents me from working and being active. Choices, I guess.
It'll take a bit before I can get to things. It was a heavy breakfast. I think I'll wander the internet, review some of the devices I have and how best to use them, drool over some of the tools on my short list, imagine projects I would like to do and review paths to success others have taken. I saw a video earlier, about how learning (pretty much anything) is more about learning to accept failure. I've heard that before. And... there is some truth to it. Success, actually, can be just as daunting. Or so I say. Pure success can lead to avoidance as well. Why? I suppose you would have to figure that out for yourself. But part of it is that I don't want to get stuck doing just what I can do successfully. To be forced into that. The world wants scalable one-trick ponies, and will trick, cajole, snare, blackmail, and in any way it can, try to corner you into being it's breadmaker. Though there is more to it than that.
Anyway... I suppose I should turn up the heat while I am at it. It really is chilly. For the last four or five days, or more(?), it had become almost intolerably warm, so this... is a bit of a system shock. Yeah, some heat. Later.
I know, but I have to try.
.
.
Crippled and down, I have to try to break through the blockade. I want to at least do the dishes and figure out laundry today. I am not sure I can do anything. But there it is. Well, dishes, laundry, and a shower. Oh, and I need to get trash out. Maybe recycling? I won't even plan anything else because this will be... a minor miracle. These things are needed because they are in the way of other things... they are the choke points.
With dishes, it isn't these dishes, but dishes in general which have been lagging, blocking use of the shower, and just being a nuisance of nerve and mind. With laundry it isn't this load, but that adds to it. It's clean laundry languishing around, keeping all my baskets filled. Trash has been going out fairly regularly, mostly. It did have a minor buildup for a bit, but that was broken last week and I'd like to keep it clear. And I'd just like to shower daily to every other day for a while. Sometimes it just... it's a wonderful thing. Then I feel more like doing other things. Nothing is an action, chore, or duty unto itself.
Sleep was good. I think part of my problem, lately, is that I have been waking often, far too often, to use the facilities. While it is keeping water off me, it is also messing up my sleep. Why I can't take care of this in the day? Maybe I drink too much as I near bedtime. I'll think about it. With a shifting bedtime, and staying awake until exhaustion, concentration in the last hours isn't super. I'll... keep working on the system arrangements. I think I really have improved. Not just to a point, but year over year, a bit at a time, I have opened up more and more.
I have an impossibly long way to go. On that score, I think I am absolutely not alone. Look around. Every one of you. I have heard some think wealthy men have it done. They don't. They are handled like equipment by everyone and everything that lives on them. If that ever stopped they would be lost. They are, personally, further behind than I. They have been turned into wealth taps, doing and able to do, little else. Never alone, always expected to answer to or for this or that... but on matters that have very little to do with them, other than opening paths of revenue. The very thought makes me claustrophobic.
The trick? Having, or seeming, to have lots of money, never spending your own money (even on that), and staying just ahead of the collapses you generate to create the movements upon which you will eventually feed (well, keeping other people's money ahead of that... at least what isn't required to be spent to make the collapse in a previous system). War of many sorts, nerve, being willing to destroy the old ways to develop the new. Read about how America prospered because of WWI and WWII, then back it down a notch but keep the ideals in mind. There you go. Of course, once you are on top? Then you have to get the government(s) to keep competition out, when your threats and hostile takeovers don't work. Big capitalism has to turn to socialism, try to keep that in freefall so it never hits into communism, on a social and political plane. A nasty business. I wouldn't want to do it.
Hmm? Oh... just thinking out loud. Despicable, I suppose. But... they are required. A necessary evil, only slightly different from government itself. Don't have to like it, should get used to it. At least if civilization, and some norms, traditions, and such, are a goal. Man was born dying, is it any wonder he is surrounded by poisons? Often, the most potent of which, are of his own making? Curiosity killed the cat. While you can't pay the debt, if you understand your humble state, and accept the bounty, another has paid. Satisfaction can bring you back.
Good day.
.
Crippled and down, I have to try to break through the blockade. I want to at least do the dishes and figure out laundry today. I am not sure I can do anything. But there it is. Well, dishes, laundry, and a shower. Oh, and I need to get trash out. Maybe recycling? I won't even plan anything else because this will be... a minor miracle. These things are needed because they are in the way of other things... they are the choke points.
With dishes, it isn't these dishes, but dishes in general which have been lagging, blocking use of the shower, and just being a nuisance of nerve and mind. With laundry it isn't this load, but that adds to it. It's clean laundry languishing around, keeping all my baskets filled. Trash has been going out fairly regularly, mostly. It did have a minor buildup for a bit, but that was broken last week and I'd like to keep it clear. And I'd just like to shower daily to every other day for a while. Sometimes it just... it's a wonderful thing. Then I feel more like doing other things. Nothing is an action, chore, or duty unto itself.
Sleep was good. I think part of my problem, lately, is that I have been waking often, far too often, to use the facilities. While it is keeping water off me, it is also messing up my sleep. Why I can't take care of this in the day? Maybe I drink too much as I near bedtime. I'll think about it. With a shifting bedtime, and staying awake until exhaustion, concentration in the last hours isn't super. I'll... keep working on the system arrangements. I think I really have improved. Not just to a point, but year over year, a bit at a time, I have opened up more and more.
I have an impossibly long way to go. On that score, I think I am absolutely not alone. Look around. Every one of you. I have heard some think wealthy men have it done. They don't. They are handled like equipment by everyone and everything that lives on them. If that ever stopped they would be lost. They are, personally, further behind than I. They have been turned into wealth taps, doing and able to do, little else. Never alone, always expected to answer to or for this or that... but on matters that have very little to do with them, other than opening paths of revenue. The very thought makes me claustrophobic.
The trick? Having, or seeming, to have lots of money, never spending your own money (even on that), and staying just ahead of the collapses you generate to create the movements upon which you will eventually feed (well, keeping other people's money ahead of that... at least what isn't required to be spent to make the collapse in a previous system). War of many sorts, nerve, being willing to destroy the old ways to develop the new. Read about how America prospered because of WWI and WWII, then back it down a notch but keep the ideals in mind. There you go. Of course, once you are on top? Then you have to get the government(s) to keep competition out, when your threats and hostile takeovers don't work. Big capitalism has to turn to socialism, try to keep that in freefall so it never hits into communism, on a social and political plane. A nasty business. I wouldn't want to do it.
Hmm? Oh... just thinking out loud. Despicable, I suppose. But... they are required. A necessary evil, only slightly different from government itself. Don't have to like it, should get used to it. At least if civilization, and some norms, traditions, and such, are a goal. Man was born dying, is it any wonder he is surrounded by poisons? Often, the most potent of which, are of his own making? Curiosity killed the cat. While you can't pay the debt, if you understand your humble state, and accept the bounty, another has paid. Satisfaction can bring you back.
Good day.
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