19:30

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I actually stayed up until 13:30.  Not out of will, out of procrastination?  Just so weary that I couldn't get to bed, or do anything else, quickly?  Along those lines.  Just six hours down.  I'd rather still be asleep, out of will.  But my body woke, and took me with it.  It... has some things it wants to do.

Trash out.  Dishes set up.  Laundry reset, started, going.  Hoped projects, chores, duties, whatever.  And, maybe, some food.  I thawed steak and burger.  I had thawed burger, but that was... no longer any good.  Not a true waste, as I didn't eat anything in the interim.  So... in a way... it was in reserves.  Since I ate nothing else, in a way, it wasn't wasted.  Sometimes I just can't eat.

I made it to noon thirty.

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That's as good as it will get.  I am absolutely crushed by exhaustion.  Should sleep well.  Long?  I can hope.  The goal is to sleep until one or two.  I... just can't push my days and nights around, or quickly.  I'll probably never be able to, in this life.  Those days are long gone.  Slow and easy.  Though, easy come, easy go?

Heart medicine, once we got on the right stuff, and titrated up or down as needed by this or that?  Has helped me keep my schedule better, more often, for longer.  But... extremely hot or cold weather... or too much demand... appointments, social, shopping, or such?  And I crash, burn, and lose my grip on a regular schedule.  The bad heart, kidneys, and liver won't let me have a full life, or keep a schedule.  The closer I get to one, the further I get from the other.  Though... sometimes it just doesn't matter.

Trying to push through.

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I didn't wake until... 18:30, or around then.  It's 8:43.  I will try to push through the day, again.  Back to 18:30... as late as 20:00, if possible.  It's going to be a difficult day.  But, trying to recapture days.  Had it... for a day.  Two?  Then it all went to hell.  I pushed too hard, too fast, for too long.  So... I'm... pushing more.

It does worry me a bit.  Things could break.  The heart could get damaged, or just stop.  No risk, no reward?

Someone saying something?

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Had to laugh.  Someone thinks they know something, and thinks they think something.  I won't say right or wrong, only... I... get their point.

It isn't just the women I have dated?  Hmm...  Had to laugh.

Wow, I was tired.

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I didn't get to bed until two.  Just... couldn't.  Since I was still up, two hours after my "carnivore snack", I decided to test blood sugars.  I feared it had gone up, being that I was eating late.  It... often... does that.  And I pigged out a bit.  Or... by my new standards.

Blood sugar had been 131, so I was expecting, say, 140 to 150?  Nope.  It was 115.  Nice.

Did a little research.

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Looking for a... fast carnivore snack.  Found an answer.  Many, but only one that (might) work for me.  Fried pork rinds, dipped in sour cream.  I wasn't sure about the pork rinds.  I've had that bucket of them, if unopened, but for... two years?  They got set aside and forgotten.  I was sure they would be sour, old tasting, perhaps out and out rancid.

Nope.  All good.  And I had sour cream from my last order.  So I grabbed a small plate of those, and a big dab of sour cream, then got to it.  Dull, actually.  Not... horrible.  Just plain.  Very, very, plain.  Still, I got it down.  And it did handle my hunger.  And it is carnivore.

I'll have to think of something else to add to that.  Perhaps cream, onion and garlic powder, a bit of salt, possibly some other spices and/or herbs.  Sort of make a carnivore* ranch dressing.  *For carnivores who allow spices, herbs, and dairy, which I do minus milk.

In my searching, I found a suggestion for using LMNT, a flavored electrolyte mix, for flavoring something.  That... didn't interest me.  However, earlier, I watched a video about how to make pemmican.  Now... pemmican, with just fat and dried powdered meat?  Is blander than what I had.  So, I was thinking... what if you added flavored electrolyte powder (not necessarily LMNT) into the pemmican?  That... could be good.  Now, LMNT has flavors most don't have, like chocolate.  Which might be interesting to try in a really small batch.  But, raspberry, blueberry, and other berries, would be fantastic, especially if that didn't have any carbs.

So, yeah.  I purchased a fairly decent batch of shredded jerky, on a pretty good price, with the 'right' ingredients.  For this, I just haven't gotten to it.  So... now all I have to do is find better tallow, and some sort of flavored electrolyte.  It's easy as pie to make.  Have to do maffs!  For an 80/20 fat/protein ratio, find how much jerky you are using, multiply that by four... to get the protein calories.  Then, figure out how much fat is neede to make that 20% to a full 100%.  Then, divide that by nine, to get the weight of the tallow that is needed.  The rest is grinding the jerky a bit, to a near powder, melting the fat (and probably adding the electrolyte powder to that), then finding a pan of some sort that will handle the various volumes, and fit in the freezer.  I have a drop in, so that shouldn't be a problem.  Then... waiting.

It'll cost a few dollars per bar.  But... yeah.  I'd like to try the chocolate, but would like to taste that alone (in water that is), and in other small things, before committing.  But I'm hoping they have some berry flavors.  Again, to be tasted first.  Won't be a really strong flavor, most likely.  But will just... add... a little something.  Potentially.

How is that for mixing and matching?  A bar would have helped tonight.  If... I could tolerate it.  On to bed, finally.  With... a less growly, grumpy, stomach.  I just didn't think I'd sleep well without it.

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Not LMNT.  Their ten pack of single use packets are $45, or $39 if you sign up for automatic ordering.  Ugh.  No.  That's $4.50 per single dose.  If you have a ton of dough, and like what you like, there you go.  Here's your ticket.  I'll hard pass on that.  I'd do a dollar dose, if they were any good.  But untasted?  They say zero question returns.  But, there is shipping, both ways, on me.  And the trouble, hastle, and possibly hidden hoops and hurdles not indicated.  So... I'll... find something else.  But the idea is solid.  Now goodnight.

A bit tired.

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Up too late.  I did attend an invitation.  Ate dinner while there.  Talked.

Stories.  Believed, or not, is not my worry.  Both ways.  So it goes.

Awake, mostly, and well.

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Still a bit of a sleepy head.  Not so tired it hurts.  Drags, a bit... like trying to paddle a boat with a small anchor dragging bottom.  It hasn't, proverbially, dug in, or become entangled.  It just... makes efforts more difficult.

Oh, ouch.

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Down at 20:00, and... something... less than a decade to more than a score?  By a bit, either way.  Before the thirty mark, though, I believe.  I set the alarms for six and eight.  I woke a bit before six, but there was no way I was waking then.  So I shut that off before it went off.

Then, at around seven thirty, I woke again.  Still feeling rough, I almost shut off the eight alarm.  But... I stayed my hand, will... thinking on it.  I woke again, at seven fifty six.  Still feeling rough, but I wanted to make a stab at just getting up.  But... I didn't want to hear that stupid alarm!

Up late, and out again.

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I had been going to bed around nine.  But, yesterday I had an appointment at 8:30.  And I had a bunch of business to do.  Since I couldn't nap, I ended up staying up until... I don't know when, and not sleeping that night.  Then, calls woke me.  I'm turning the phone off tonight.

Then, I... had made plans with a friend, to go out to dinner.  To try the other keto pizza place.  I checked blood sugar before this meal.  Then about two hours after returning home.  It was 134 before, 220 after.  That pizza is NOT keto.  I didn't do a before, test, at the other place.  But the after was 154.  So, if the start was similar, which it may have been, that is a bump I can handle.  But the 220 is not.

However, I have to try it again.  Or... not.  It is excessively expensive.  Double what a regular pizza costs.  I'm just not seeing it.  It was very good.  Mind you.  Both were very good.  But between the blood sugar spike with the one, and the price with both... no.

I have both pickled pork hocks (boneless, all meat and fat), pickled turkey gizzards (which really are delicious, and both are completely carnivore friendly, and a little different), as well as garlic and halapeno stuffed olives arriving.  Might have to try the anchovie stuffed olives.  While the olives aren't carnivore, they... are my keto allowances, from time to time.  Though, the anchovies would make a happier medium, if I could tolerate them.

Beyond dinner, I got my hair cut.  My friends wife type does that, and she felt okay about working with me.  So... I got it.  A high and tight, with long hair in the middle.  Longer.  It's... not really long.  Cleaned, and leaner looking?  A... bit different.  Silver hair, and a younger mands "do".  Whatever, I like it.

Then, I was telling him costco hadn't sent my card!  He said I had to go in, get a picture taken, and they'd make it, and it'd be ready right then.  So... we did, and it was!  Who knew!  And, later, we did some minor shopping there.  I don't think I bought anything, it was just... Well, I did look at steaks, and a few other things, but no buying currently.  I still have quite a lot.  Another month or three of feed?  Maybe.

But, I did get coffee, of the sort I like.  And found out that a sister store, to the one I go to in one town, also has my preferred brand of coffee.  They only had one dark roast, but it was very good.  Smelled... like coffee, not a bunch of pumpkin spices.  Ugh.  Coffee coffee, thank you!  Butter, just a smaller pack.  And... lots of water, two lots of black olives, which were on sale, and yogurt.  Nice.  I think that was everything I wanted, and needed.

We did a few other things.  He can't really do actual work, other than driving a plow.  So, with the weather being fair, we could do some running for work and fun.  It's good to see real people, in person, from time to time.  And his wife and I spoke more than... three words this time.  She is usually painfully shy.  But, at work, she is... in her element?  But, she is good with the scissor and sheer.  I'll say that.  Some aren't.  Some should be let go rather quickly.  She is... good.  Very good.  And it isn't as easy as it looks, I must admit.

Might as well push through to later evening.  Try to push my nights back to nights?  Try.  I have something coming up soon.  In the afternoon.  Ugh.  I'm... trying.  Doing fairly well, really.  Anyway.  A very good day.  And a warm one.  It was at least 40 F out there.  I don't think it clocked 50, but maybe closer than further?

On to gaming.  Later.

I... sense something.

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Questions?  Eternal.  Oh... no worries.  I have them myself.  Which is why I was... a sort of atheist for longer than you could imagine.  Was it pride, or strength, which kept me from seeing?  Hearing?  Finding.  I was seeking.  For I knew what I had heard, led to believe, was false.  But I was sure there was a truth.  I was eating of it when it... helped me understand.  If too?  That is... what it wanted.  Take this, eat of it.

A few troubles.

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The leg is hurting, the wound.  From walking all over today, plus the shower and bandaging are doing their things... debriding the wound site.  Walking speeds that up, by grinding the packing, leg movement, and else.  Getting a bunch of things done is good, but there are various prices.

Was getting so many calls, and texts, and such, while sleeping.  Trying to sleep.  My mother had called twice.  I answered the last time, but her call didn't go through.  So, I called her back, but my call went directly to voice messaging.  I'm still not sure if she is tinkering with her phone, or someone who hates her.  She... would do it... because.  Or she gets angry.  Or... such.  Others, there, might do it because she is otherwise on the phone all the time.  Jealousy?  Some old folk, especially those with no children?  Can be harshly hateful, jealous, devious, evil.

A lot of things.

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I couldn't sleep, or I wouldn't have gotten up.  I had an appointment today, blood work, at the doctor office.  LOTS of blood work, sixteen I think he said.  Plus a urinalysis, but I wasn't able to go.  I had to go at like five thirty, six.  But I held it.  I think it was the cold.  Hit me like a brick.

I had other things to do in town, so I had hoped to be able to go sometime during the day, and could return.  But, no.  It just didn't work.

Hmm?

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Yes, still alive.  Just... was busy gaming.  Mostly in coop, but sometimes, about half the time?  Solo.  Trying out the next version of the game.  Not sure it's doable.  Definitely not solo, not at the start.  Sure, they say so-and-whozitz is playing solo, and on the hardest setting!  But, what they don't tell you, is someone, or a group, got them decked out first.  THEN they did solo.  Or they just die every other step, and don't mind.

Now, some things, over time, you can sort out.  The "elites", mini-bosses, on the regular map, is what I call them.  You... probably won't figure out all of them, not on your own.  Coop peeps, online stuff.  Though y.t. has nothing of any real worth most of the time.  I am beggining to suspect the company polices y.t. of any good content, because they want to see their own guide book, which usually doesn't.  And, because they want the frustration.