Pains come, pains go.

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Yea, well, it looks like they are gone.  Or at least what remains is under the radar.  I think there is some still there, in various places.  Just not enough to peak through my... defenses?  Something.  I don't know what time I went to bed...  Oh, but I called my mother as I was going on to bed.  That was a quarter after noon, then we talked until around noon thirty.  I fell asleep almost immediately after.  Waking just at twenty thirty, so... a right sleep.

I had to push to get out of bed.  Not all constancy is in place, but it is improving.  I can't always prayer, going into sleep or coming out of it.  Working on those things.  You don't set things aside and just pick them back up at your best.  As well, I have installed and am deploying a food log, with calories, weight loss goals, and possibly more in time.  It lists micronutrients, fats... carbs... fiber... and proteins... plus at least a few other things, of course, such as calories.

About the food logging.  It will, already has, hurt my feelings.  Then again, today, I knew I was pushing the line.  If too, I put in a little more than I think I actually ate... slightly... going over rather than under.  Still, it said I ate way over what I thought I ate.  On the good side, I didn't go over maintenance calorie consumption, I knew I was overeating, and as mentioned it was under the weight gain caloric consumption level.  Still, it jarred me how little I can really eat.  I LOVE to eat, when I eat.

It will take a bit to get the proportions down.  But I am, now, scientifically, trying.  It's not just going by natural inclinations and extremely rough guesstimates.  Pounds, ounces, cups, teaspoons, and the rest.  Which also means I may begin cutting fats... to cut calories, subtracting fiber from carb sums, and doing whatever else it takes.  Which may include adding more chicken and more turkey to my protein lineup... At least the daily meals were well within keto macros... micros?  Too tired for things to sound right or be snappily on my mind's fingertips quite yet.  Blood sugar was very high though.  Oh well.  Volume.  Then again, I don't usually eat that much.

It was 68° upstairs and outside when I woke, 73° downstairs in the main, and 78° in this computer front room.  I opened everything up, including upstairs.  I put the ducks in.  It's already dark by 20:30, or pretty much.  Yea.  I may start feeding and watering the ducks in the entryway.  I should clean that out, open it up, give them some space.  To make it a shorter run for the broody hen.  Especially as the world cools.  Still, I'll keep the pool open as long as possible, and keep the door open so they can forage as is possible.

So many startups.  Actual dieting, praying, a return to chastity.  All going... well... okay.  A start.  Back to puzzles too.  Which reminds me, I should go up and spend an hour or two on that.  As well, I hope to begin cleaning and organizing in the kitchen, bathroom, and food storage area.  I really hope to have the bathroom and kitchen sorted, mostly, by Monday... then absolutely finished by Friday.

If so, I will go on a hike... up the Wellsville mountain, but the fast hard way, or try to find the slower easier slope?  I won't take much... flashlights, firestarters, waterproof light overgear, a warmer overshirt and possibly woolen leggings, plus food and water enough for a few days.  Maps won't really help up there.  Maybe a tarp or pup type tent... lightweight but waterproof.  Hmm... I best get a smaller pack set up.  Someone stole one of them, but on my trip from Iowa.  Or in Iowa.  Or when I got back, before I could get it in the house.  I... can't be sure... about killed myself on that return trip.  And I can't be sure when it went missing.  I have... a system I can break down to a small system though...

It isn't thirty miles away, or the trailheads.  Or as a crow flies.  I look at it every time I look south from my home.  I wonder if it looks back?  It has been calling for quite some time, either way.

Later.

Rain.

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Just a few drops.  It soundly as if would really hit.  Just as it got going it slowed down.  In the light of dawn there is no trace that it rained.  It isn't even as cool as it was yesterday, at 52° this morning.  With a hen sitting the eggs, I leave them in until it warms a bit.  She will go with the waddling, but the waddling does go back in and join her at her sitting.  They are a tight-knit group of paddlings, on or off the water.  It amazes me how cold-hearty even the indian runners are, and probably doubly the muscovys.  Eggs not so much?  I did move the pool closer, that might help.  Still, it is rather cold.  Strangely cold.

It is down to 68° in the main downstairs, 66° in the computer room, 68° upstairs.  Very... odd... how it's warmer outside this morning, and yet much cooler inside.  I suppose cumulative and drastic changes add up very quickly.  Ac's were turned off, save one on fan.  And one fan upstairs.  I made my bed, this time tucking the blankets at the feet.  That may not work, I may have to pull the blankets up and around my feet rather than have a toebox.  Will know soon enough.

There is no turning the furnace up, upstairs.  There is no heat.  Usually, when I get used to the cold, that isn't a problem.  Though my tolerance for cold is weakening.  Age...  Wool socks, undersocks if that isn't enough, thick pj's, perhaps woolens as well.  I can handle the cold, one way or another.  It's the heat that can be a real problem.  Actually, I am really set for winter this year.  Inside, and out, if I could get out.  I'd like to camp out there, possibly, sometime.  And snowshoe a bit.  Even if it kills me.

It looks like it could gather and rain sometime again today.  Though, too, it may just fly on by.

I am hungry.  I will eat.  Something.  Later. 

Sleep?

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Soon.  It's just one of those things.  I can't force it.  It isn't happening.  So... I... don't sleep!

Ah, but there is this.  Enjoy, or don't.  Some of my favorites.  I'm not just rock.

Later.

Ever so slightly better.

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A headache persists, but it's milder.  My torso still feels rough, but not as rough.  All edges to all pains and discomforts have been rolled to a softer edge.  The pains aren't sharp, dulled either through easement or familiarity... or dulling of the sensing through constant grating.  I won't take aspirin.  I've taken that... three times this week, and just recently.  It wasn't all that useful, and it won't help again for a few days.  It just doesn't.

The first part of the lawn was watered, the second part just got set up.  That'll be it tonight, and maybe for a week or two.  A shower shortly.  I ate small pickles and green olives.  I don't think that will be enough.  Hmm... perhaps a burger or two?  Grilled?  Maybe.   I am too hungry to skip, if I can probably go light.  Burgers and green beans, or peas?  Yes, that... would be good.  One meal for the day, though.  It's still fasting, just not extended fasting.

A shower shortly.  A sit.  Then, maybe, a bit of cleaning, resetting dishes, and a load of laundry in.  But that will probably be it.  I will hang the clothes out "tomorrow", the next functional wake cycle... whenever that might be.  As well, I will hit the dishes.  If I can, I'll hit those yet tonight as well, and clear off the area I prefer to sort and dry them.  Yea...  Maybe.  Or, again, the next functional wake cycle.  I can be awake, but not be able to act.  As, mostly, much of this week, and this day.  There is tomorrow.  And prayer.

So difficult.  For no good reason.  It could be worse.  Though if that's the best you can say, you know you are against it.  All good though, it's... still an opportunity.  I'll take it, even if I can't sort it or do much with it on any given day.  I can even chuckle about it.  I have had worse, I will know worse, I won't worry about any of it.  Later.

Bad shape.

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Every time I attempted waking, I was hit by a wall of pain.  I know I haven't been sleeping enough, but it wasn't that.  Kidneys, as if I'd gotten rabbit shots, my sides and forward torso flank as if I'd gotten kneed.  On both sides.  My neck is so out of place, beside the tension headache is nausea and a general looseness in my orientation.  Not THAT orientation.  That may be wonky, but it has been assigned God's settings if it does drift.  No, the literal compass orientation. 

I am a bit wobbly, or could be?  It's odd.  Just because my mind feels wobbly on my feet doesn't mean my body follows suit.  I can go on the most horrific modern roller coaster ride and not feel even a bit moved.  I've tried, through time, the most severe rides.  Nothing.  Though, it's been a while.  Still, usually good on my feet.  And when my mind feels woozy, my body still doesn't.  I don't quite understand it, but it's good to have.

I have been to bed twice.  Finally, after letting the ducks out, I got back to bed a final time.  I called my mother, but she was sitting down to lunch.  By the time she called back I was out like a light.  I think I heard her, or someone, call.  I couldn't even roll to check.  Out. like. a. light.  Even then, as I surfaced to the ringing, I hurt terribly.  I couldn't tell what the pain was, only that there was a wall, engulfing me like river flood waters might an island.  Swamped, under, just holding on... hoping there would be something left when I woke.

So, no calls, no work, and maybe none tonight.  I only woke to shut the ducks safely in.  Then decided to look over the lawn.  The back and one section of the side are still begging for water.  Most of the lawn is starting to look quite good.  A couple of longer passes on the rough areas, then an hour a day on the good hours, just one area per night, for the next few days.  Then I'll leave it alone for a while.  Anyway, now I have to stay up for a while, to finish the watering.

While I can't work, nausea sees to that, I can have a bite and shower, perhaps later a true shave.  If I feel even a tiny better after those, then maybe hit dishes, clear off a few more counters, do a load of laundry, and... yea... that would be max.  If I can get that done, I would go on back to bed as the watering run ends.

It is, was at about twenty hundred... eight p.m.... down to 69° already out there!  Seems fishy.  So I have opened it up.  It was 69° upstairs, 74° in the main, and 78° up front when I woke.  A strange day.  But those are now the regular highs.  It is cooling.  Highs are lower, they aren't as high as long, and cooling is greater in the evenings.  It is almost getting cold.  I had to use four blankets, if that wasn't just a temperature thing.  I was ill today.

Blood sugar is 171 fasting.  I think I will fast today.  As weather cools, faculties will return a bit more.  I am hoping to fast a couple days a week, and return to intermittent fasting.  I doubt if I will go to a single meal a day, but starting with an eight hour eating window, pare that back to a four hour eating window... allowing two to three meals, even.  Not all will be big, and it might just be a series of snacks.  Though one big meal and grazing the rest of the time was common.  Ugh.

I don't think my system allows me to lose weight.  Even when I cut to two thirds of recommended calories for slugs (inactive), I haven't lost weight.  I've tried fewer calories, but that... fails.  Pretty quickly I am like a beast on the hunt, consuming anything and everything in search of... something.  My metabolism just isn't good enough.  My faculties aren't strong enough.  Not even when slowly worked over years.  Still, I think it is better in some ways.  It's just... I should be dead.  Nothing will ever fix that.  Not much I can do over or beside just being alive... unless God says so Himself.  Lord knows I have tried, almost to death.  Surprised that five day fast didn't kill me.  Bleh.

Later.

Not bad, not bad at all.

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Tacos were good.  I had a shell-less taco, a taco salad I suppose.  It wasn't too hot, but had more than just hot spice.  Including allspice and cinnamon.  Tasty, really.  I also made refried beans, for Boss.  He prefers that.  I didn't have those with formal supper, but had some with... the later dinner.  Dinner?  Or was the first dinner, this supper?

The backyard was watered again, and the side yard is getting hit.  I think, hope, that will be it for a while.  The front yard and part of the side yard look good, but part of the side yard and a portion of the back yard really were a bit rough.  If they are still rough in a few days, I may hit them again.  As well, I may mow in a few days... on the highest setting.

It is warmer tonight.  Technically?  Yea.  But, it doesn't feel hot, warm even.  It is almost cold... a smooth cool.  It was that way before supper... dinner? the first meal.  So much so I, for the first time in over a month, turned the ac's off upstairs and opened it up.  It's a bit of a risk, but fresh air is splendid, and I may have done well.

An hour left for watering.  I could move the sprinkler and do one place, one more hour.  And I may.  I really abused the side yard this year.  And, yet, it is coming back fairly well.  A little more water in one last area, again, could really help.  Plus, staying up another hour, with as cool as it fills, might help me sleep much earlier tonight?  Maybe.

I can't seem to pray as much as hoped, quite yet.  I am into decades of Hail Marys' and perhaps a decade of Our Fathers, plus regular, meal, and concentrated connection prayers.  I hope, as it cools, I can do a bit more.  I just can't maintain focus.  I even fall asleep, sometimes, with my standard prayers.  You'd think I'd do that with the ten to fifteen minute quiet... receiving... part of the prayer, but usually it's during requests for the ill, the weak, the lame, the church, clergy and other religious, and such.  So many of you need so many prayers!  :p

I do my best.  If it cools a bit, assuming I don't crash from that, and begins a slow decline, I should be able to get back to the rosary... hopefully in a month.  I'd really like to add a morning and night one, and think I can... most mornings and nights.  I want twice a day, for intentions.  Some will be static... family, specific family, the church, but having extra for special or situational intentions is good.  I never had enough of those when praying the rosary just in the mornings for that year so, various times.

I really want to sleep, but I think I will mover the sprinkler and get that done.  I will be so ready to sleep when that is finished.  I have an half hour and changed before it's time to move it.  Tomorrow I will work on the phone, clean shelves in the basement for cans of food, shower, do dishes, and maybe hit another load of laundry.  As well, clean in the kitchen.  I got the stove top and a counter cleaned off tonight, and have the freezer top mostly open from a few days ago.  I have paper plates.  I need disposable utensils, smaller disposable plates, and styrofoam bowls... then I won't be falling behind on dishes as often or deeply.  Ran out, went a bit broke... yea...  Back to it.  Later, or more likely good night.

Very odd.

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It is the same temps today as yesterday.  I woke cold, upstairs.  Even in the computer room I am almost a bit cool at nearing eighty.  As well, a window was forgotten open!  Very strange.  It should be a furnace down here?  As mentioned, it is no different from the indoor temps yesterday.  How is that even possible?  Even humidity seems about the same.

As I have started to leave the hutch open, the ducks are usually in it.  One of the indian runners has gone broody.  It ssems, rather than have her sit alone, the whole gang goes in with her.  I guess watching grass grow is even less interesting?  :p  It sure makes putting them up easy.  I have fed them a bit extra the last few days, to make up for the missed day.  Unneeded.  They simply don't eat much.  Actually, they are eating less than before.  Perhaps the muskovys have reached aldulthood?  If so, they will stop eating nearly as much, just as when human teens or younger twenties hit a certain stage, they slow down... hopefully.

I did set up dishes last night, but didn't ever get into them.  I also finished off the corn.  Blood sugar is a bit high this morning for it, and I am still hungry.  So it goes with carby foods.  I will used the cooking pot as a cleaning device, and open up some of the kitchen today, so as to make tacos.  I'll just have a taco salad, if the difference in space needed to make one is no different.  Hmm, best check what time supper is required.

I ended up not being able to sleep until well into morning, again.  I don't quite get that.  It has to do with when my body is most comfortably awake and asleep?  I don't have the powers to control it.  It isn't just will power.  As mentioned, something broke between my intellectual will to do things and my bodies willingness  to abide.  Draino will do that.  The body does not like pain.  Some controls broke, they can't be replaced, fixed, renewed, not completely, not that I have seen.  Part of my problem, albeit a side one.  Though, being weakened by the heat, it makes coercion over the flesh even more difficult.  It'll work out.

I haven't looked the yard over yet.  Today, when putting the ducks up, I'll investigate.  Perhaps another round of watering, or not?  I'd really like to give it a day or two to perk back up.  It takes a while to use the water, then fill back in and up as it might.  Too much water, too soon, could damage it as well.  First I think one thing, then I think another.  I'll see shortly.

Still so tired!  I may nap for another hour.  Crashing again.  It isn't blood sugar.  Just... even if it isn't bothering me, the heat... collective.  Sleep...  Ugh.  Later.

Oh well?

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I did try to sleep.  It just wouldn't happen.  To be honest, it is because it is so deliciously cool.  Even down here, for the first time in... a while... it is 70° in the front room.  I think the coolest I have seen it, for days, a week, weeks, has been 72°, and not for long.  And... not with me active up here.  I'll bet it's 68° with the potential for 66° in the main room.

I did work on the puzzle, longer than needed to finish watering.  I just... it was enjoyable.  The main problem with the 1000 piece set is that the puzzle pieces are too small, and the light a bit weak, up there.  I do have a double and very bright desk lamp up there, with arms so I can move the lights around, plus an overhead light.  It just isn't enough for a huge puzzle with smaller pieces.  This one is much better.  I may see about another lamp up there.

After recent ups and downs, I've been checking blood sugar more frequently.  It was just 148.  Not bad.  Going to have a bit and a small dose.  It's not the best food, fresh sweet corn.  But I don't do it often.  It's probably been two years since my last shot of the stuff.  I'll do it a few more times before summer is out.  It's an Iowa thing.  Even that is pretty lame.

Hmm... back to... something... nothing.  Later.

A brutal day.

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It isn't just the heat.  Or even the heat, to a degree, mostly.  It is the heat adding up over time, eroding my tolerance.  Yesterday it was as if I had no tolerance left.  Today was a goodly bit better.  Though waking before it gets too hot helps.  As well, I am going to have to go upstairs and cool off, perhaps shower or bath a few times a day, and possibly nap a time or two a day.  It's beating me harshly.

Even with the sleep interruption, I was up earlier today.  I felt better, mostly.  I have gone through moments of extreme exhaustion, with headaches, and else.  I have taken aspirin twice today, if I think the second time was a waste.  This is the first time in months?  A month?  I have been taking medicine, regularly and well, so it isn't that.  It's just the heat.

I need to make a few calls tomorrow, along with trying to clean up.  I really need to clean, but I am so broken down.  Do it anyway!  Well, yes, there is that.  Which works unless it doesn't.  The thousand piece puzzle upstairs was just too much, for a starter puzzle.  I have several five hundred or so puzzles.  I put the 1000'er away and pulled a 550... I think.  I have begun sorting, will do a bit more yet tonight.

I am up for a while, as I am finishing watering the lawn.  As of tonight, every inch has been watered once, for at least an hour, over the last three days?  Something like that.  I will look the lawn over tomorrow, let it go another day or two if that seems reasonable, and hit it all, but very little, one last time before leaving it go again.  It seems to have recovered better than I thought it would.  It wasn't horrible, but it was looking a bit rough.  I do enjoy keeping the lawn kempt, as possible.

I was sure, when it rained last night, that we would be getting rain for a while.  Not so much.  Not at all.  It was just a short, nothing, rain, leading to nothing else.  The hurricane(s?) might end up bringing something, as last time, but I wouldn't count on it.  It would have to go the wrong way, again.  I was surprised with the first one.  If it doubles down, it tells me something is very wrong.

I did contact the contact I had been given.  I was already ahead, having an account already.  The rest, as I explained, will take some time.  Heat is beginning to fray my cord.  If I can manage things a bit better, getting up into the cool, bathing or showering more, napping, and possibly working on top of those things, I might be able to figure this tech out a bit quicker than otherwise.

Yes, a bit of puzzle play, as I wait for the last watering zone to finish.  I hate getting sprayed... until I love it.  I might have to go out and get a facefull of sprinkler before going on to bed.  Still so very hot.  It is reading 74° here at the computer, so odd.  Bleh.  Later, or most likely good night.  I think I will crash early and well... and rather soon.

Finally... duck feed.

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I saw it coming for a week.  I just couldn't get out.  The heat, some other things.  Troubled week.  Today should have been better, but waking to deal with a crashing blood sugar blew the potential for a good day.  Still, I ran out yesterday.  I don't mind them going hungry a few times a month, or less.  But not two days in a row.  So I had to get out, even though it meant I couldn't do other things.  Bleh.

Four bags, I think fifty pounds per.  They were out of 18%, so I went with 20% protein.  More is okay, less not so much.  I helped get them to my cargo area, then had to unpack on my own.  It's around 90° out there.  Ugh.  I set up the pool with fresh water, stored some of the food dry, still bagged, some was poured into the 'to use' bin.  Oh, some happy ducks.  I can still hear them chittering, quacking, and enjoying.

On the way back, I saw corn for sale.  I wasn't sure I read the price right, so added a dollar just to be sure.  A dozen for either later tonight, when it cools, or tomorrow night.  I haven't had fresh corn... for a long time.  Sure, carbs, shut up.

I did get a shower in.  Toe nails trimmed, feet scales mostly removed.  I powdered and sprayed my most used shoes, and feet actually.  Summer is harsh on things, socks or no, socks shoes, or no.  I'm about to crash.  Might have to take a bit of a nap.  I checked with Boss, haven't heard back.  May have to nag.  We aren't married, so... nagging is legal!  :p  Wait... is that the other way around?  I'll have to ask a woman, then... take the opposite of what they say.  Is that also a form of nagging?  Cheers!

Later.  Or much later.

Almost.

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Almost a good night.  Things were done early enough that getting to bed early was possible.  As well, it was cool enough to begin shutting down earlier as well.  Everything came together for an early bedtime.  A last meal, and on to bed.  But... a few hours into sleep and I woke... wrong.  Something felt really off.  Ah, blood sugar.  65  Oddly, it is up to 231 this morning.  Usually a single roll of the things and a light meal won't shoot it up like that.  Oh well.

So, a round of glucotabs.  I didn't need two, this time.  Though I had a couple of leftover brots as well.  I had to babysit it, until I felt better and could return to bed.  I... just don't get that.  At least I know how to fix it.  I just wish I hadn't had to wake up, spend a couple of hours tinkering with it, while I could have been getting a better sleep.

Still, to bed early enough that I am waking in the early afternoon.  I have enough time to get a shower, go buy bird feed, and still get dinner ready... doing some cleaning while at it?  Probably.

As to hanging out clothes?  Excellent.  I thought it would take many, or several, hours to dry.  Nope.  I checked three hours after, maybe two, and dry as bones.  I had some heavy shorts, with extremely heavy duty pockets.  Not even a spot of moisture in the pockets, or when I folded the hem over the line.  Now, my fear... and exhaustion... kept me from hanging out the second load.  I didn't want them out overnight, figured... rightly... it would rain.  Yes, I was that tired.  So I just put them in the dryer.  What was hanging was put on just as the other laundry was put in.  What was put out was dry faster than the dryer finished.  Weird, but... now I know.

A quick shower than a drive for feed.  Four bags holds me fairly long.  Though, that was, mostly, with three birds.  With nine now, it... I will go much faster.  Oddly, these new birds don't even double the feed requirements.  Even as growing chicks, sort of, and still.  I put enough feed in, that at the end of the day there is some left.  I had been putting out two to three cups, gauging by the previous day how much to put back in.  Putting in too much and backing it down until there is just a bit left.  Now I am just putting out three to four cups.  These ducks forage a great deal more.  Oh, I am allowing a broody duck to do her thing.  I'll know by, say, the twentieth of next month if anything pops.

Yea.  I keep trying.  I may try to build a few nesting boxes out there.  I'm not certain about the indian runners, but the muscovys will go broody up to three times a year.  I don't think they are in that stage yet.  Will know before long.  As mentioned, extra brooding boxes might help.  Just those plastic bins, with a door, or two, cut in them.  I really don't know what I am doing, and am not certain anyone on youtube knows any better.  Still, I'll give it a go.  Later.

What time down?

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Perhaps 07:30, 08:00?  Around in there, before o' nine certainly.  I am not even sure  when I woke, though between 15:30 and 16:00 I am pretty sure.  It is hot down here, for whatever reason.  Was someone in the house, leaving the door(s) open?  That's the only time it ever gets this hot in here.  I have forgotten a window open before, and that will do it.  But all the windows are shut.  No, someone was in here, again, today.

I put a load of laundry in last night.  First thing this morning, it went out on the line.  One line did it all.  After putting it all up, I adjusted the line tension.  At first I wasn't doing it well or correctly.  But those things sort themselves out quickly.  While pulling that laundry, I put darks from before back through the wash, and will hang them when they finish.  I just want everything getting fresh air dryed.

While I was doing that, I heated water on the stove, to clean the cast out with.  I often leave fats in the cast skillet, if I am using it frequently.  But, with the summer heat, my use has been particularly sparse.  still, boiling water, then a bit of washing, and it is fresh as new... or better, newly seasoned.  Tacos tonight, assuming some items become available.  You can't really make tacos with just meat and shells... not real tacos.

I have to sit and cool a bit.  It isn't quite 90° out there, but it is so warm in here.  It was 75° in the front room at waking.  Hmm, actually, that might be normal, I am just waking later.  Bleh.  I hate that.  But, yes, it is probably just normal.  Which means it is nearly 80° in the room I am trying to cool off in.  Blah!  Way too warm.  Afternoons are like that though.

With some things going, even with the heat, I am hoping to get another shower in, maybe a shave since the trim was done.  Then put dishes in to soak.  And do some cleaning in the kitchen.  I did clean the toilet bowl, found the broom so will hit the floor before showering?  Maybe.  Then begin prepping supper.  Nothing fancy, but it has started.

Tonight I hope to finish the watering.  I'll have to pull laundry, done or not.  No worries, it has started.  It has quite a bit of time to dry, mostly, as needed.  If not finished, I will just give it a final spin in the electric dryer.  I am honestly hoping both batches will be done out there by the time I go to water.  Oh, I'm not hanging everything out.  I just don't think underwear belong on a line visible to others.  That's a small concession, and small drying load.  My underwear don't need to pass any sunshine sniff test, all I'm saying.  :p

Now to wake and cool off... as much as possible.  Later.

I hurt again.

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I hurt a lot.  I did get the sprinkler moved to every place intended, and get a lot of watering done.  I have the sprinkler reset for tonight... tomorrow night... for me... as I prepare for bed.  A shower, too, finally.  I didn't get the hamburger done.  I did start a load of laundry, and found some hardware for the last outside line.  I set that up, if I didn't get a line on.  The rest of the hardware went upstairs.  Now to figure out where to put it.  I want the longest line without cutting off the whole of the room?  Something like that.

I'll make a call, or text actually, as I let my hair dry.  Showers are wonderful.  I'm sure I mentioned that.  I am hoping to be up in time to make a few business calls, try to get voicemail set up, and send an email.  That will be sent in any case.  The others require daytime... office hours.  I think I will be up in time, but perhaps not be in shape to call.  It's useless trying to talk business when I am in bad shape, or severe pain.  I can handle the pain, but not necessarily be a functional conversationalist through it.

It looked like it might rain, but not so much.  Not that I could tell.  Oh well.  I am hoping to get the laundry out to dry this afternoon.  Outside smells better.  And I like what the wind, sun, air do to clothes, towels, and bedding.  Usually.  Not all things work best in the wind?  I can't remember what doesn't come out as preferred, but will sort that out soon.

So tired.  Good... night and day.

Watering.

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Feeling better.  Something kicked up, weather-wise.  It blew in, higher winds, earlier.  I had hoped for rain.  Perhaps a sprinkle?  Here, there?  Little to no rain.  Further, it has kept the temp up.  It isn't even below 70° yet.  Still, there was something good about it.  The promise of rain?  Or... just... something new, different?

I started with the front lawn, then hit a part of the front and am hitting a part of the back.  Will hit the last section of the back tonight.  Tomorrow I will go over the back again, hitting as much as possible of what was hit tonight, while getting anything missed.  Then go back to the side yard, hitting what was definitely missed and getting to what was hit.  One more watering of every area, it has been a long time, then back to letting it drink.  Perhaps hitting anything that isn't recovering as well in a few days.  Still, it's a much better looking yard than it has been since I moved in.

I lit the grill for a small meal.  I am hungry.  I need food.  Nothing fancy.  Hotdogs?  Brots?  I don't know, something.  I am still hoping for rain soon.  But I have held off watering as long as I am willing.  It is time to water.  If it rains on top of it?  Cool.  It would have to rain a lot for me to choose not to continue my watering plans.  And daily, for several days.  Which... is what I expect, but I expected that a while ago. 

After getting in touch with a handler, for the editing, I received a return email tonight.  There is certain markup language needed.  Which I will begin learning.  And the tasks seem straightforward, if... again... jumping in might be a bit of a trick.  I will begin researching the language necessary, and looking over the rules and regs a bit more cautiously.  These folks have a mind for detail, if not trickery.  Pay attention.  Ugh.  I'll begin on the learning tomorrow, as well as send a response.  I'm a bit tired to do that tonight.

Later, or good night.

The longest shortest sleep in a goodly while.

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I can't remember exactly when I went to bed, but I think it was after 15:00, but before 16:00.  I don't think I have done a darned thing.  Can't seem to get to it.  If I turn the machine off, I crash.  I'm tied to it, like a life-line, for now.  An odd thing, since I don't do much online either.  I suppose the blue-light affect?  Maybe just the possibilities which seem open, to my mind?  But, for now, that is how it is.  Like a single airbubble of consciousness.  If I were a airbreathing fish, in the winter, and there was just a single opening from which to do so, it would be like that.

I do continue to solve the rubik's cube.  I have gotten about as fast as I am going to get on that, as is.  So I did begin reviewing methods that didn't seem to work before.  I realize, now, why not... on at least one of them.  It is because there are variations he did not bother explaining.  Which... is what I suspected anyway.  I now know the other variations and how to deal with them.

What he does offer, is a faster method.  Assuming you know what step you are in, and are in a few of the steps.  If too, some of his methods are actually slower?  I think so.  Or he isn't describing them well enough to be functional.  Another problem with his approach is he suggests if the cube appears in a different pattern, he merely suggests doing it the opposite way.  Now, that sounds good until you realize "opposite" on a rubik's cube can mean several different things.  Still, it's... there is potential there, if I find the other way(s) and sort it(them).  Working...

As well, of course, blog reading and writing, sometimes commenting.  Oddly, each day, I feel closer... or more ready... for death.  I don't expect it.  I no longer desire it, or not.  I simply become more and more comfortable with my skin.  The more I do that, the... easier even pain is.  It might still be crippling, as today, but that's... okay.  There is later, tomorrow, next week, or... hopefully... heaven.  It is not a concern.  I may try to mitigate it.  I may try to work around or through it.  But it's... like anything else... just what it is.

As to sleep?  Right.  I woke at 16:30, as if I had slept a day.  But was still tired, so went on back to sleep.  Then, between 17:00 and 18:20, I woke seven times.  Each time I felt as if I had overslept by a day.  So very odd.  Finally at that last waking I was rested enough, and pain had eased enough, that getting out of bed was possible.  The last time I had something like that was when stuck trying to wake to alarms set an hour apart with snoozes between, and then reset the alarm.  Only, that last time, I never did make it out of bed, not until... twelve hours later?  Something.  This probably was less messy because it didn't involve alarm sounds and I have been sleeping more, I wasn't necessarily sleep deprived, just ill.

No supper tonight, I let Boss know.  I just can't do it.  Well, and I don't have all I need.  Tomorrow.  Tacos.  With shell for him, in a salad for me.  Goulash the night after, with pasta for him, pastaless for me... perhaps on steamed cabbage?  And brots or chili dogs the last night.  Not always fancy, but not bad.  Next week?  Some form of ribs, and I'll see what else is wanted.  Burgers for sure, brots and dogs is a usual as it cheapens out the menu, potato salad this week or next, and coleslaw this week or next.  Yea, but none tonight.  Maybe not even for me?  While not planned, tonight... the whole day really, could be a day of fasting.  I may have a fatted tea or coffee, but I don't count a single of those against fasting unless it is a dietetic fasting... that is, without calories sum total.  A religious fasting can include drinks, very lightly, such as broth or fatted drink, one or two per day if one is preferred.  Too many rules?  Maybe.  Might be wrong, too.  I just do my best, as I understand things.  It's just that on religious fasting days, I may still need insulin.  Possibly on dietetic fasting days too, if only for a single day.  Later.

Horrid day.

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Too hot?  It feels like it.  But it is no different than the last few weeks.  Everything hurts, but why?  I'll get aspirin in with meds.  Blood sugar troubles?  Nope, it came down from the last two mornings by nearly a quarter, to 148 fasting.  Bleh.  Medicine has been being taken regularly.  Nothing has changed, but everything has changed!  It is so rough this morning!

Ah, but I was able to... pray and succeed.  In my more recent goals.  Perhaps resisting evil comes with a price?  To be sure, it was the efficacy of the prayers, not my will, that won the thing.  I guess I hadn't been praying?  No, I guess not.  When I do, it works.  The will to prayer can be weak sometimes.  Even just that?  Yes.

Ducks fed, watered, and out.  I will take medicine and go back to bed for a bit.  I just can't be up at the moment.  Later.

An ugly down.

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An ugly up.  I think I stayed awake until it was light enough to let the quackles out.  Quackles equal ducks, just a more enjoyable way of saying it, if you don't know.  As they were coming out, I frightened them this morning... without the intention.  Not sure what I did, but they ran back in.  I soothed them with my voice and Chief, the lead male for his and the whole clan, came right back out.  Quacking... almost honking, the whole way out the first time, all the way back in, then back out the second time.  I had to laugh.  Charge!  Retreat!  Run away fast!  Charge!  *Quacks!*

Blood sugar was a bit high, at 188 fasting.  What is up with that?  I only ate a single meal, along with two fatted drinks, yesterday.  Nothing carb heavy at all, no great volume.  Two ounces of salami, two of cream cheese... didn't even have onion for it.  And I didn't use all cream, an half cup of cream and an half cup of milk.  Milk might be the problem, but hasn't shown as such on me, in my testing, mostly(tm).  There is always that one batch, or that one time, but it's rare.  I check often enough, and specifically enough, to have it mostly down.  But there are always... quirks.  Always.  Bleh!

Getting to sleep and waking up is becoming extremely difficult.  Chastity has a price, sometimes one I can't quite pay.  If... that is improving.  It, from experience, I know, will never be perfect.  My record is three months.  Perhaps a little longer, but not four months.  I believe there are biological limitations.  For all?  For me, certainly.  Still, it's... not the destination, always, but the journey, in the human way.  And sin cannot be eliminated, at least for men.  I have great doubts about women, if it's their deceiving tongue that is more their bane?  Lying to please, or avoid conflict, is still lying.  Lucifer's favorite, right after pride.  Hmm, speaking of pride...  Never... mind...  Vanity?  Banish the thought.  *twinkling eyes, dancing brows, quirky grin*  *wink*

I finally found all of my carb round packages and got them refilled last night.  Two are upstairs, near my bed.  Two are here at the computer desk, and two are in my possibilities pouch.  Blood sugar has been running higher these last few days.  Sleep has been off too.  I just can't sleep or wake, easily, well, no matter what I do.  If doing nothing makes it nearly impossible.  Bleh.  I have asked for forgiveness, or more understanding.  Still pray.

Now, to get to some work if possible!  Ugh.  Such ugly days.  It seems overcast out there, if it may be more high level smoke than clouds?  I just can't really tell.  It is hazy, if I'm not sure it is really cooling much.  It was 68° upstairs, 72° in the main, 76° in the southern most this computer room, and 85° outside.  The reason the front room is so much warmer is that it is a stick-built house added to the rock house.  It doesn't have the same protection from the heat, if it is probably better than simple lumber houses.  If the only reason the upstairs is 68° is because of ac.  Then again, the only reason they heat up much is because of electronic and biological heat outputs.  I'd bet, a quick bath or cool dip in the shower or some other cool water area, two or three times a day, would really limit heating.  Though electronics don't do well with that, so...

Yes, work.  Soon.  I hope.  Laundry, a load, first.  Oh, I checked.  I DO have clothespins AND hanging bags for them.  I have four different kinds... three types of sixty and one type of twenty four.  I had thought the shiny stainless would look swell.  But thinking about it, they would get blistering hot here.  They will be the indoor ones, along with some... what look to be weaker... the twenty four set... of plastic ones.  Should do swell.  That gives me a hundred and twenty for outdoors.  Half are heavy duty plastic, the other half are plastic coated stainless... or steel anyway. 

I can hang things out as they become available.  Not tonight though, it looks like it could possibly swell and rain at any time.  Or... not.  Until the monsoon seasons hits, and regulates a bit, I'll be cautious about hanging things out.  Still, I am excited.  The pulleys work splendidly.  I can just stand, load up, and send for more space.  It's... it will be fun to dry things out there.  I may purchase wooden ones, of several types, as well... see which last, which work well, which last and continue to work well.  It's... an engineering thing.  Always want to know more about the practical, even about clotheslines and clothespins.  Insatiable curiosity.  That needs guidance, mind you.

I... will finish waking, then begin.  A trim and shower, then a laundry start... may put clothes out anyway?, then dishes in, a shave.  Then cleaning in the bathroom.  Trash collected and out.  Including an exploration in the refrigerator... looking for things to go.  And, maybe, a few counters and the stove top in the kitchen?  I'm hoping so.  I have been so down.  I am still tired.  I have started hurting.  And, yet... I gotta try.  Wish me luck?  Later.

A strange question.

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She asked me what love means.  To me?  Aside from me?  It was about love between men and women.  I knew what she was asking.  But there is a lot of latitude in the answer... answers.  There is much she asked.  But she didn't want much of an answer.  She wanted something concise.  A brief reply.  Well?

Oh, she isn't here.  And, we aren't talking.  I just... I heard the question.  I don't think she expected an answer.  It wasn't me she asked... or... maybe, but the question wasn't for my ears.  So it wasn't.

I know the pieces fit.  Urhm, that is the answer.  And there is more to it.

Bedtime.

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A good night.  Not very active.  Sleepy, tired, but the pain from earlier let up.  It was rather intense.  All good.

Blood sugar started a bit high.  I had a fatted coffee, then a second if with milk instead of cream.  I kept forgetting insulin, but did get the slow acting stuff in.  Even so, blood sugar was down seventy points to 118 last time I checked.  Very strange how that works.  I just had a meal, should have dosed if very lightly.  I'll have another milk and tea, and take the smallest dose with that.

It is bedtime.  It is 60° outside, last I checked.  Okay, but...  Then again, it isn't all that late.  I keep thinking it might be about to rain, and it just doesn't.  A couple days of rain would be quite good.  We may not get it for a while though.  Too many people in too many places in the world are being kept from working.  I still think that is the point.  There is no, or no serious, disease.  It's just a method of shutting things down.  Is the shutdown right or wrong, though.  That's the real question, to me.

I was accepted, as an editor, for an online encyclopedia type of site.  I may have mentioned it before.  I keep reading, and rereading, the expectations, limits, and such, for editors.  Get it?  Well, yes... and no.  Words are never just words.  There is the law, and the spirit of the law.  If the law is reasonable, to me, there isn't a reason to attempt other than it.  If the law is wrong, then I just won't accept the conditions to be within that law.  They seem reasonable, best I can tell.  Still, time will tell.

However, I have no idea what I am doing.  So I wrote someone who might have access to resources, perhaps even a tutor or mentor.  Which is what I requested... resources, and possibly a mentor.  Who I contacted is quite busy.  I don't expect a response for a week or more, and that with luck.  There is the possibility of no response.  But I am continuing to dig on my own as well.  I don't just ask for help, then wait.  I toss out a request while I continue to process, work, sort, find.

Hmm...  Well, that's it.  Good night.