Awake but...

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Well?  It's been... touch and go for a while now.  Why?  A dozen and one reasons.  A thousand and one?  Can't seem to live, or die.  Feel awful?  Feel good?  Doesn't matter, can't get to things either way.

Huh? Yeah, no. Fishing pole.

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Strangest of questions.  Thought about it.  Thought back.

Not absolutely sure.

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If life isn't the whole, or the most, of the problem.  I'm more sure, day by day, that I might survive.  The heat makes telling how much I am improving a difficult task.  On cool days, though, I collapse.  Hot days just provide fever, or enhance, or even simply expose it.  Lungs are weird, burning, used up, often.

I hope to keep up, a bit.  Some days yes, some no.  Dishes today, a load of them.  Hopefully a shower or bath before long.  Maybe laundry if I am awake when it cools.  Nothing with the bedrooms so far.  I'm just... not sure about trying to vacate the room that I can lock down and cool down, not as high summer approaches... not without some other means of serious cooling.

I have ordered industrial(tm) sized fans, with adjustable air flow.  The goal is to bring a long more cool air in at night than typical fans can dream of doing.  Opening the upstairs windows, turning on the biggest fan up there, aimed down through the vent, then with the other fans and the second... lessor... industrial fan, clear and cool down here.  It isn't just cooling, but getting fresh air in.  Now, as to (tm)?  We'll see.  I thought about an humidifier, just... not really sure about that.  Finding one that fits the bill is another thing, as well.  I would want to be able to add ice, for example.  A pour spout in might well not allow that.  And the size of tank might not allow that, or the shoot from spout to tank.  Maybe a trip to town this week... if I can, if it's not too hot.  The curtains are doing a fine job.  No holes in the ones in the front room.  That really helps.  And Sassy no longer rips and shreds.  All good, for... how far I have gotten.

Gifts of music, from time to time.  Who knows who sends, or why to be honest.  Delivered in such a way that... well...  Never mind.  Call it what you will.  It seems like it fits?  I can't tell when I didn't find it native, like the next one... or more that it find me?  I know not.  I know nothing, less.

Dreaming while awake.

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The pain is crippling, when seen full face.  At one time, pain and fear and death... meant something.