A bit of a headache.

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I did stay up excessively long, a few times in a row.  That right side of my body, falling asleep from time to time, pins and needles, really had me worried.  Though I found, after pushing through a bit later last night, that pushing things doesn't help either.  It was starting to twitch again.  So I pushed to close up shop, getting on to bed.

My mother called today.  Got through!  I wasn't sure I wanted to bother answering.  I have been answering, but she just sticks on the phone, doesn't talk.  It worries me so.  But, okay.  I... answered, anyway.  This time she talked.  She said she is using their (the nursing home's) phone.  But that can't be.  I have my phone on "do not disturb", which means a call from a phone number not in my list won't ring through.  She's just gaming, I think.  Or she is old and ill enough that... she... isn't always... aware.  I'd say it's a fifty fifty thing.  She's a gamer from her childhood... that kind of girl... no woman.

Still awake.

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Six o' five, as I start this.  A bit of work, some gaming, and a blood sugar check.

Dishes.  I got a bunch of things in.  Things I... thought I might end up having to throw away.  And, may still, or gift.  Half gallon jars.  And some quart jars.  Had been using them for kefir... Which... with some thing arranged, I may get back to... that really helps with... the body, and the gut.

One stone hurt the most.

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Some things hurt more than others.  I thought I wanted the least of the pain, maybe not for the full cost?  Death seemed easier than... being called?

Not thrown, spoken.  The dream confounds.

Up late?

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Technically.  Awake at noon.  But I didn't go (back to) bed until half past three to a quarter to four.  So... no?  I went to bed a bit before 16:00 yesterday.  Then woke at... well... I have no idea.  I would guess sometime between 17:00 and 22:00?  So, sleep is just off.  It is warm up.  That is throwing things off.  It's just how it goes.  In some ways, I am extremely fragile.  Things will be off until temps stabilize and I learn how to manage temperature controls, then get used to it.  Well, until it begins cooling again.  So it goes for the near dead.

I now need to take a shower.  Then change the bandaging.  I'll do as I did last time?  Or... not?  I may just put on the better bandaging and the packing.  But not put compression on right away.  However, if it hurts too much, again, this time?  Then I'll stick to the plan devised recently.  I just... hate messing with this more, and again, and... else.  I'd like to push through, if possible.

Happy Mother's Day.

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Oh, yes, I have spoken with my mother.  She... called me, as I was still sleeping.  She probably wanted to talk to me so she could take a nap without being disturbed?  :p  Maybe.  I seem to... only call when she is sleeping, from what I am hearing.  That, as a child, is when I cried, too.  Some things never change.

Remember to pay respects to the woman who raised you, bore you, or whatnot.  Being adopted, I had two women involved with that, three really.  I was... recyclable, it seems.  The final, third, mother, wasn't so enamored with the relationship.  But she... filled the role as best she could.  As all goths, about the only thing I could conjure from parents was disappointment.  So much for magic.  Or maybe that is all magic is worth?  *grins*

I almost forgot!

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My mother had asked for something specific for Christmas.  Oh my word, if I had forgotten to order that...  But, no.  I remembered, went looking, and?  And... which one?  She wanted something specifically non-specific.  Couldn't buy several, could I?  Well, actually, yes.  A three variety and a five variety.  She'll have... plenty to play with.

She didn't want me to spend a fortune.  I have spent $500 on perfume for her, one time.  Fine, this was... much less.  Really.  If... it... still wasn't?  I really can't spend too much these days.  Don't have it.  Didn't have it then, just was younger, didn't care.  But, this is more reasonable, and yet covers some bases.  She wanted to try, she can try.

Sometimes choice is too much choice though?  It just muddles, confuses, distorts.  Still, I couldn't choose.  She will have to do the choosing.  But!  I... didn't forget.  It should be there slightly before Christmas.  If... it... makes it.  But it is set to be there on time.  If not, shortly after.  It technically has a five day spread, if it misses it's preferred day.  Ugh.

To sleep very late.

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Awake so very early.  In some sort of distress for it, but naught to be done about it.  It is 64 out there, mostly overcast?  Partly?  Difficult for me to clarify, as the sky is in flux and I am not awake or able to shake off sleepiness.

Videos yet come.  Aimed at me?  I tell you, these things I learned... long ago.  I learned to add in ten minutes of silence into my nightly prayer.  Further, to make an attempt to hear people, not just listen to them.  God, sometimes, speaks through them.  Even videos, like this one.  More?  I attend my animal companions.  And... they... tell me much.  Even that they love me.  Important things.

Who is there?

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It's a she, but... not... necessarily human.

Mother?  No, not you.  Or, I should say, not... that mother.  Though... a sister?  aunt?  Again, not ones of... flesh.  Ones of my kind.  She says, accuses, suggests.  I see what is being... shown.  I feel some shame.  But, I know grace, and have let what is wrong go.  Still... what is, is.

Even so.

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Oh, I wish.  In some ways.  Yam what yam, innit, though?