.
.
While it doesn't always work, on gameshows or in real life, when stumped, making a call can lead to... something. In my case, my sleep patterns are stumping me. So, today, I called my mom. Oh, sure, I wanted to talk, too. Just to hear that she is alive and well is a good thing. But specifically I wanted to know what she thought could be done about the predicament I find myself in. Fake it until you make it, generally, is how her advise can be summed best. Can't sleep, then just rest. Can't even rest? Lay down and read. Minimum effort, it seems. She has her own struggles with sleep, if probably more rarely. And, yeah, I might have known this but I couldn't arrive at it personally, or this time. And I will probably add a few more things, if I can keep up on them. Leaving the curtains open in my room, so that when the sun does shine fully as today, or even partially, I get it whether I am awake or not. As well, turning the heat up during the waking times and down when I want to sleep. Although part of my problem might be that now as weather is usually warmer, 20's and up at night, my room, cut off from the furnace as it is, isn't cold enough for sleep. Yeah, I like it pretty cold. Perhaps I will need to begin opening my window right before bedtime. I've got to beat this or it will beat me.
I'm doing great, minus the sleep schedule shift. I have pulled my schedule back once or twice, but that technique is still an anomaly. Life is pretty good, though exercise does add something to life, something I have been missing. And it removes things, psychic, physical, and spiritual, that otherwise fester. I knew this might happen from time to time. I also decided I wouldn't give up. And I might have to figure something else out for these sticky moments. Figure out a routine for when all else fails, then all else won't fail, or as harshly. Creating something out of whole cloth, from idea to functioning plan, to implementation isn't as easy as it seems of course. And a subroutine for when routines fail is even trickier, in real life. Still, I've got to do something.
And, yeah, in spite of being bright, this, that, and a heck of a survivor, I really... don't always get it. It just doesn't click (safe for work). How that is even possible eludes me. Never mind. All I am saying is that there lives in each of us a huge well of... teh stupid. You can't avoid it, even knowing it is there. You can't learn from it. You can't change it. You merely have to learn humility by finding it, or a narcissism so grand even your mother laughs at you to your face. Right. Helicopter indeed. I guess I am suggested you be prepared to be stupid sometimes. Sometimes way too often. Just don't ever become comfortable with it.
Hmm, something to eat. Later or, really, good night.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
Why the notion of the last pope is funny.
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Well, okay, it is and it isn't funny. And, it is and it isn't possible. What is the pope, among many things but as a primary actor? He was given the keys to the kingdom (of God). Okay. Now, there are other titles and job descriptions and adjectives and who even knows what else could be said of that position at this time, in the past, or in the future. But, let us stick with the holder of the keys, for now.
Let us just assume, that somehow, this is indeed the final pope to hold the title. Okay. Lets say, in 20 years, his health fails, and he dies of natural causes. Alright. And then let us say that the U.N. has become the new world government. Ignore all the what ifs and such, and just stick to the plan. And let us say that Catholicism has been outlawed, and just pretend that all Catholics agree to live within the new law of the land without struggle, or have been called to heaven, or... whatever. No new pope is elected. No pope takes office. And further all nuns, monks, deacons, priests, bishops, arch bishops, and cardinals abdicate their positions. Okay. What happens to those keys? Well, Christ was the first and holiest of priests, and the pope was more or less the senior priest, and He merely takes those back, wherever He might be. See, there will always be a pope. Period.
And, I don't mean to completely discount the possibility. It is just that Catholicism has endured generations, even centuries, of outright attempts at extermination by many and varied nations right up to and including the Mexican thing between three and four generations ago, being outlawed in England for many centuries, and having many nations actually or attempt to murder Catholics, starting with the Romans. We have survived, and I would suggest we will be among the last. I guess... it's the last of my fears. Or, not really a fear. Further, if a false pope is proffered, and strays from the truth, my guess is he will be cast down fairly quickly, one way or another. For example, a pope doesn't even have the power to allow women in the priesthood, he can't acknowledge abortion, he can't lend women an equality that doesn't exist in general, and there are... other things. A good flock knows when it is being lead astray. The grass is dead for one thing.
It is difficult to put it completely in words. I suppose it might be akin to discussing how I would feel about gravity being suspended due to a suspension of the rotation of the earth about the axis or anti-matter and matter colliding in just the right way to form a black hole or... what have you. Personally, I am not honestly convinced there are black holes. And while the notion that gravity might be suspended, for any reason, is a little unsettling, my guess is that by the time such a thing was able to be felt the end would have come and gone. While believing the end is just a beginning. So... worrying about it is... difficult. And... causes a humorous rather than sad reaction. Funny? Well... yes and no.
I wrote this here so I could take my time with it, and think about it before writing a response. Just... the notion of the last pope, on top of this being the second, or third, final pope, just... *giggles* But, okay, I'll try not to laugh at all those things, but this one I don't have an option. Christ, God really, is the Alpha and Omega pope, without end.
.
Well, okay, it is and it isn't funny. And, it is and it isn't possible. What is the pope, among many things but as a primary actor? He was given the keys to the kingdom (of God). Okay. Now, there are other titles and job descriptions and adjectives and who even knows what else could be said of that position at this time, in the past, or in the future. But, let us stick with the holder of the keys, for now.
Let us just assume, that somehow, this is indeed the final pope to hold the title. Okay. Lets say, in 20 years, his health fails, and he dies of natural causes. Alright. And then let us say that the U.N. has become the new world government. Ignore all the what ifs and such, and just stick to the plan. And let us say that Catholicism has been outlawed, and just pretend that all Catholics agree to live within the new law of the land without struggle, or have been called to heaven, or... whatever. No new pope is elected. No pope takes office. And further all nuns, monks, deacons, priests, bishops, arch bishops, and cardinals abdicate their positions. Okay. What happens to those keys? Well, Christ was the first and holiest of priests, and the pope was more or less the senior priest, and He merely takes those back, wherever He might be. See, there will always be a pope. Period.
And, I don't mean to completely discount the possibility. It is just that Catholicism has endured generations, even centuries, of outright attempts at extermination by many and varied nations right up to and including the Mexican thing between three and four generations ago, being outlawed in England for many centuries, and having many nations actually or attempt to murder Catholics, starting with the Romans. We have survived, and I would suggest we will be among the last. I guess... it's the last of my fears. Or, not really a fear. Further, if a false pope is proffered, and strays from the truth, my guess is he will be cast down fairly quickly, one way or another. For example, a pope doesn't even have the power to allow women in the priesthood, he can't acknowledge abortion, he can't lend women an equality that doesn't exist in general, and there are... other things. A good flock knows when it is being lead astray. The grass is dead for one thing.
It is difficult to put it completely in words. I suppose it might be akin to discussing how I would feel about gravity being suspended due to a suspension of the rotation of the earth about the axis or anti-matter and matter colliding in just the right way to form a black hole or... what have you. Personally, I am not honestly convinced there are black holes. And while the notion that gravity might be suspended, for any reason, is a little unsettling, my guess is that by the time such a thing was able to be felt the end would have come and gone. While believing the end is just a beginning. So... worrying about it is... difficult. And... causes a humorous rather than sad reaction. Funny? Well... yes and no.
I wrote this here so I could take my time with it, and think about it before writing a response. Just... the notion of the last pope, on top of this being the second, or third, final pope, just... *giggles* But, okay, I'll try not to laugh at all those things, but this one I don't have an option. Christ, God really, is the Alpha and Omega pope, without end.
Rand Paul, trying to clear some notions...
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While politics is probably a dead duck, it is still functioning as if it had legs. And, to an extent, it does. While I have backed out of it, seeing it more as a trap than a hope, I do listen and watch... and quip. Some politicians are beginning to stand out for the next election cycles, for whatever that really means. Both conservatives and... hybrids. I consider Mr. Paul to be a hybrid. Possibly a very good one. Of course, as such, even 'conservative' pundits must be watched very carefully. They all, regardless of political standing, attempt to create the foundations of the notions on various politicians, wrongly or correctly, so as to sway public appeal.
I was watching one, discussing Rand this evening, who suggested President Reagan wasn't an isolationist, and that the Republican party is not isolationist and hasn't been since Reagan, while suggesting Rand was a semi-isolationist. And, while that has some merit, it isn't the whole of it by far, nor even honest on the face of it. First, while I do believe Rand would be less active militarily, and certainly wouldn't be declaring wars (no matter what they are called, sending in troops to kill people or capture a territory is war) without an act of congress, I do not think he would, at all, be predisposed to doing nothing. And while it seemed to many that Reagan was on the front lines, the truth is, most of his efforts, save a famous line that supposedly (but could not possibly have) brought down the Berlin Wall, were diplomatic or highly classified, extremely precise, terribly and finally and completely lethal, tactical military strikes. That is precisely how I see a Rand administration working, and I do approve of that method.
Few realize that Reagan, when terrorist camps in various parts of the world would begin to become a threat, then move on to the planning stages, would send in whatever was needed to... close a particular tap. He certainly didn't hit every poison well, just the ones that were on the brink of poisoning more than local minds. There were dozens of terrorists camps at any given time, perhaps a hundred or more, in Europe, the Middle East, and in South America, but only a few of them ever threatened to go hot. Those were cleaned like doing the dishes. It was clean, covert, quick, and functional, not like these multi-wars going on today. I have wondered if after a 9/11 if Reagan would have reacted differently. And I keep coming to the conclusion that, the way he did things, there wouldn't have been a 9/11 with (a) Reagan in office. Then again, congress (Democrats) messed with how intelligence and domestic LEOs could interact, among many other things, softening our capacity to know and react to threats leading up to and certainly after Reagan (and even he ignored some of their laws in order to keep things kosher).
When your worst enemy is a congress that wants America attacked, and hold enough power to fiddle with security and it's function, that becomes tricky. Basically, a president who doesn't want war or a 9/11 will have to fiddle himself. He will have to take risks. And he will have to have people who will take a fall if need be. *cough* Lt. Col. North *cough* I have some notion that Rand Paul might have that kind of possibility. As well, Reagan, and the Republican party, before the Bushs, was definitely at the very least, quasi-isolationist, very much in the vein of Reagan the Real if you ignore revisionism, and I suspect Rand (though never like Ron) Paul would be similar.
There are other candidates I will be reviewing. My preferred candidate from the last cycle is really hitting home run after home run, and no, he isn't a fat-boy libtard. And while he has immigration issues, the rest of the slate looks pretty good, in speech and practice. I'll be... running through my favored picks over time. Hopefully I will have a handful, a reasonably dossier on each, and a final pick by next election, even if I happen to be finishing the thread from Paris, Australia or Berlin, Argentina, or... wherever I really am not.
.
While politics is probably a dead duck, it is still functioning as if it had legs. And, to an extent, it does. While I have backed out of it, seeing it more as a trap than a hope, I do listen and watch... and quip. Some politicians are beginning to stand out for the next election cycles, for whatever that really means. Both conservatives and... hybrids. I consider Mr. Paul to be a hybrid. Possibly a very good one. Of course, as such, even 'conservative' pundits must be watched very carefully. They all, regardless of political standing, attempt to create the foundations of the notions on various politicians, wrongly or correctly, so as to sway public appeal.
I was watching one, discussing Rand this evening, who suggested President Reagan wasn't an isolationist, and that the Republican party is not isolationist and hasn't been since Reagan, while suggesting Rand was a semi-isolationist. And, while that has some merit, it isn't the whole of it by far, nor even honest on the face of it. First, while I do believe Rand would be less active militarily, and certainly wouldn't be declaring wars (no matter what they are called, sending in troops to kill people or capture a territory is war) without an act of congress, I do not think he would, at all, be predisposed to doing nothing. And while it seemed to many that Reagan was on the front lines, the truth is, most of his efforts, save a famous line that supposedly (but could not possibly have) brought down the Berlin Wall, were diplomatic or highly classified, extremely precise, terribly and finally and completely lethal, tactical military strikes. That is precisely how I see a Rand administration working, and I do approve of that method.
Few realize that Reagan, when terrorist camps in various parts of the world would begin to become a threat, then move on to the planning stages, would send in whatever was needed to... close a particular tap. He certainly didn't hit every poison well, just the ones that were on the brink of poisoning more than local minds. There were dozens of terrorists camps at any given time, perhaps a hundred or more, in Europe, the Middle East, and in South America, but only a few of them ever threatened to go hot. Those were cleaned like doing the dishes. It was clean, covert, quick, and functional, not like these multi-wars going on today. I have wondered if after a 9/11 if Reagan would have reacted differently. And I keep coming to the conclusion that, the way he did things, there wouldn't have been a 9/11 with (a) Reagan in office. Then again, congress (Democrats) messed with how intelligence and domestic LEOs could interact, among many other things, softening our capacity to know and react to threats leading up to and certainly after Reagan (and even he ignored some of their laws in order to keep things kosher).
When your worst enemy is a congress that wants America attacked, and hold enough power to fiddle with security and it's function, that becomes tricky. Basically, a president who doesn't want war or a 9/11 will have to fiddle himself. He will have to take risks. And he will have to have people who will take a fall if need be. *cough* Lt. Col. North *cough* I have some notion that Rand Paul might have that kind of possibility. As well, Reagan, and the Republican party, before the Bushs, was definitely at the very least, quasi-isolationist, very much in the vein of Reagan the Real if you ignore revisionism, and I suspect Rand (though never like Ron) Paul would be similar.
There are other candidates I will be reviewing. My preferred candidate from the last cycle is really hitting home run after home run, and no, he isn't a fat-boy libtard. And while he has immigration issues, the rest of the slate looks pretty good, in speech and practice. I'll be... running through my favored picks over time. Hopefully I will have a handful, a reasonably dossier on each, and a final pick by next election, even if I happen to be finishing the thread from Paris, Australia or Berlin, Argentina, or... wherever I really am not.
I suppose I get to just wait it out.
.
.
I was in bed earlier than usual, sort of, for what that has been worth, recently. I did set the alarms, for various times, hoping at an off chance at getting to the pool today. The alarms sounded, and I remember dealing with them. I also realized I had no chance of staying awake. I even pushed on the last one. I simply could not connect with the waking world, so simply shut back down after fifteen minutes of wandering the wastes of reality. I don't even think I made it to the computer, fed the cats, or took medicine. I'm not... sure what I actually did do? Waking at 15:00, even then not really sure what to do. Life is dry and empty for the moment. Blogging isn't good, reading is not interesting, the news is what it is, I am still tired... dry and barren.
I am almost certain this is due to the odd weather that is the beginning of spring. Being cold, and almost perpetually cloudy, but promising more and delivering less. The snow is nearly gone, save in the mountains and in spots that rarely see the sun. This is just a drab part of the year, as with winter when the novelty of snow and cold that refresh after a hot summer wears thin. While winter is usually harsher, this period of time has often been more difficult as the ups and downs of it can be so fast, and the promise doesn't deliver, stretching things thin. This too will pass. A few days of sun would most certainly help... if I can be awake to enjoy some of it.
I am still going to try to make it in to the lesson Monday. I will be working my schedule, as I may, over the weekend. Who knows, life might return a bit. Later.
.
I was in bed earlier than usual, sort of, for what that has been worth, recently. I did set the alarms, for various times, hoping at an off chance at getting to the pool today. The alarms sounded, and I remember dealing with them. I also realized I had no chance of staying awake. I even pushed on the last one. I simply could not connect with the waking world, so simply shut back down after fifteen minutes of wandering the wastes of reality. I don't even think I made it to the computer, fed the cats, or took medicine. I'm not... sure what I actually did do? Waking at 15:00, even then not really sure what to do. Life is dry and empty for the moment. Blogging isn't good, reading is not interesting, the news is what it is, I am still tired... dry and barren.
I am almost certain this is due to the odd weather that is the beginning of spring. Being cold, and almost perpetually cloudy, but promising more and delivering less. The snow is nearly gone, save in the mountains and in spots that rarely see the sun. This is just a drab part of the year, as with winter when the novelty of snow and cold that refresh after a hot summer wears thin. While winter is usually harsher, this period of time has often been more difficult as the ups and downs of it can be so fast, and the promise doesn't deliver, stretching things thin. This too will pass. A few days of sun would most certainly help... if I can be awake to enjoy some of it.
I am still going to try to make it in to the lesson Monday. I will be working my schedule, as I may, over the weekend. Who knows, life might return a bit. Later.
Nope!
.
.
Hours of messing with iTunes, searching the web, and I have zilch to show for it. Well, not zilch, just nothing of any actual use. Plus, I am told, after trying to deselect this computer then re-allowing it, that I have to wait 57 days to download music I bought on iTunes. Music which it couldn't find in order to add to a new ipod, so I deleted, as per their instructions. Then again, even when it was showing up it wasn't going into the ipod. Gah! I did find a place to actually write something in, to somebody, whom I thought initially were tech advisers, so I did. Just feedback? Don't they have a staff for their own system errors? No, they let nerds, fan boys, who have nothing better to do try and explain what they don't actually know, I guess. Well, that and their help menus which... don't help. Who knows how many of my songs and albums have been vetoed for no reason under the sun. Updates, probably.
Whatever. Three hours wasted on nothing. Time to try to go to bed.
Good night.
.
Hours of messing with iTunes, searching the web, and I have zilch to show for it. Well, not zilch, just nothing of any actual use. Plus, I am told, after trying to deselect this computer then re-allowing it, that I have to wait 57 days to download music I bought on iTunes. Music which it couldn't find in order to add to a new ipod, so I deleted, as per their instructions. Then again, even when it was showing up it wasn't going into the ipod. Gah! I did find a place to actually write something in, to somebody, whom I thought initially were tech advisers, so I did. Just feedback? Don't they have a staff for their own system errors? No, they let nerds, fan boys, who have nothing better to do try and explain what they don't actually know, I guess. Well, that and their help menus which... don't help. Who knows how many of my songs and albums have been vetoed for no reason under the sun. Updates, probably.
Whatever. Three hours wasted on nothing. Time to try to go to bed.
Good night.
To the store.
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I had to get into town. I don't know when I will be in next, for sure. And I probably have other things to do as is. I don't want to try to do double and triple duty when I get in. A shower, dressing, grooming, it all went just fine. Right into town, no sweat... other than my body is still cooking off a bit. Milk, topping off the cat food and litter, and just a few odds and ends to include a late birthday card and another that should be on time, plus one for next month. Yeah, well...
I bought another ipod shuffle, this one isn't waterproof. At the cost of a waterproofing, and that use wears the waterproofing out, I believed it to be cheaper, for the moment, to simply buy another shuffle. The next one up is three times the cost for four times the storage, which is tolerably (barely) worth it, and considering that I am now saving what I can, I just couldn't see it. Plus, the shuffles holds all the songs I want since I don't put whole cd's on it, nor would I wish to. Of course, plugging it in and trying to move songs over to it is proving frustrating. Apple has a way of fucking up a wet dream. I doubt if they even have to try. When they get it just right? They "fix it". Well, it's fixed alright. One of the albums, at least, that I uploaded, in spite of being plainly visible and playable on iTunes... when I try to put it on my new ipod iTunes tells me it can't find what I have just clicked and dragged to the ipod. Huh? Fix it, right this time. Goobers. You demand a premium, act like it! Gah! Who knows how many of my uploads will need to be redone, or if even that will work. Jerks. */rant*
I am feeling good. The workout really did help, and is what I needed. I have no clue how I did it, and my bed doesn't look like I switched to dragon form therein. I mean, it isn't shredded as it sometimes can become. I'm still burning up, but it isn't a fever. Fevers burn in my head area, this is like a body fever. Exactly like what happens when I work out. My muscles have relaxed, finally, mostly. A little bit of cramping in the calves still, leg calves. But I am hopeful to get to swimming tomorrow, if not all that sure. Sleep has just not been controllable lately. No matter how I work with the alarms, or how much or little I sleep, what happens just happens.
I actually tried to wake today at 9:00, but only to make a call. I was supposed to have a blood draw today. I simply wanted to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it. I did wake at 9:00, I remember that. But I know I didn't call. I don't know why, either. I knew I was supposed to call. I turned off the alarm, realized what I needed to do, reached for the phone, and the next thing I knew it was 16:00. *Bam* Don't ask me, I simply don't understand.
I am taking my medicines, I am taking my additives which means the cramps aren't from too few of the right vitamins and minerals, plus the cramps are different. Those cramps usually just hit lower legs, rarely the upper legs, never the arms, and then they don't go away... can't be negotiated. Those must just be suffered until they pass or I happen to eat or drink something that mollifies the situation. I keep looking for any other explanation that that I worked out, but... nothing else adds up. Not the flu, not diuretics/lack of vit/min, and everything does match with an intense workout. Weird.
Good night.
.
I had to get into town. I don't know when I will be in next, for sure. And I probably have other things to do as is. I don't want to try to do double and triple duty when I get in. A shower, dressing, grooming, it all went just fine. Right into town, no sweat... other than my body is still cooking off a bit. Milk, topping off the cat food and litter, and just a few odds and ends to include a late birthday card and another that should be on time, plus one for next month. Yeah, well...
I bought another ipod shuffle, this one isn't waterproof. At the cost of a waterproofing, and that use wears the waterproofing out, I believed it to be cheaper, for the moment, to simply buy another shuffle. The next one up is three times the cost for four times the storage, which is tolerably (barely) worth it, and considering that I am now saving what I can, I just couldn't see it. Plus, the shuffles holds all the songs I want since I don't put whole cd's on it, nor would I wish to. Of course, plugging it in and trying to move songs over to it is proving frustrating. Apple has a way of fucking up a wet dream. I doubt if they even have to try. When they get it just right? They "fix it". Well, it's fixed alright. One of the albums, at least, that I uploaded, in spite of being plainly visible and playable on iTunes... when I try to put it on my new ipod iTunes tells me it can't find what I have just clicked and dragged to the ipod. Huh? Fix it, right this time. Goobers. You demand a premium, act like it! Gah! Who knows how many of my uploads will need to be redone, or if even that will work. Jerks. */rant*
I am feeling good. The workout really did help, and is what I needed. I have no clue how I did it, and my bed doesn't look like I switched to dragon form therein. I mean, it isn't shredded as it sometimes can become. I'm still burning up, but it isn't a fever. Fevers burn in my head area, this is like a body fever. Exactly like what happens when I work out. My muscles have relaxed, finally, mostly. A little bit of cramping in the calves still, leg calves. But I am hopeful to get to swimming tomorrow, if not all that sure. Sleep has just not been controllable lately. No matter how I work with the alarms, or how much or little I sleep, what happens just happens.
I actually tried to wake today at 9:00, but only to make a call. I was supposed to have a blood draw today. I simply wanted to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it. I did wake at 9:00, I remember that. But I know I didn't call. I don't know why, either. I knew I was supposed to call. I turned off the alarm, realized what I needed to do, reached for the phone, and the next thing I knew it was 16:00. *Bam* Don't ask me, I simply don't understand.
I am taking my medicines, I am taking my additives which means the cramps aren't from too few of the right vitamins and minerals, plus the cramps are different. Those cramps usually just hit lower legs, rarely the upper legs, never the arms, and then they don't go away... can't be negotiated. Those must just be suffered until they pass or I happen to eat or drink something that mollifies the situation. I keep looking for any other explanation that that I worked out, but... nothing else adds up. Not the flu, not diuretics/lack of vit/min, and everything does match with an intense workout. Weird.
Good night.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Nice, actually!
.
.
The pain in my legs and arms? It's the stuff of dreams, more... legends perhaps. For those to whom becoming healthy and strong is a priority, this sort of burn and pain is sought. It can't be bought, no one can get it for you, you must earn it. It is a beautiful thing. And to have it body-wide? Glorious. Why? How? I have a complete and unambiguous apathy on that accord. I don't know and further I don't care. Even when I have problems my corpse will find a way, now, it seems. I am on the way. I'm sweating, and breathing, like I just worked every muscle to exhaustion and then continued a quarter turn. My very skin and lungs burn from... whatever. Yum!
.
The pain in my legs and arms? It's the stuff of dreams, more... legends perhaps. For those to whom becoming healthy and strong is a priority, this sort of burn and pain is sought. It can't be bought, no one can get it for you, you must earn it. It is a beautiful thing. And to have it body-wide? Glorious. Why? How? I have a complete and unambiguous apathy on that accord. I don't know and further I don't care. Even when I have problems my corpse will find a way, now, it seems. I am on the way. I'm sweating, and breathing, like I just worked every muscle to exhaustion and then continued a quarter turn. My very skin and lungs burn from... whatever. Yum!
OUCH!
.
.
Another hardcore sleep. Can't say that I dreamed. I do feel refreshed from the sleep. However, every major muscle in my legs and arms are tightened to verging on cramping. Leg calves and uppers, biceps, triceps, arm calves, and back muscles to boot, all just pulled up as taught as possible. Further, if feels like someone deadlifted me then dropped me on their bent leg/knee. My ribs simply hurt. I've been contorting so as to relax some of it, to minor success, since waking... at 16:00 again. I HURT EVERYWHERE. And more, my muscles are burning as if I had just worked out. On top of it, I feel like I have one of those post-workout chest colds, like when you push it a bit much. At least I feel rested. Odd.
A couple of clips for you to watch. The first more serious, if the producers need to drop the multicultural crap. That is part of why people aren't buying. Get it right or go home. But... they are almost thinking here. The other is one of the funniest comedians I have seen in a bit, and he is European. I have only, ever, before, simply laughed AT those comedians, for some very long time. I am wondering if a funny European comedian is proof that the end is nigh!
.
Another hardcore sleep. Can't say that I dreamed. I do feel refreshed from the sleep. However, every major muscle in my legs and arms are tightened to verging on cramping. Leg calves and uppers, biceps, triceps, arm calves, and back muscles to boot, all just pulled up as taught as possible. Further, if feels like someone deadlifted me then dropped me on their bent leg/knee. My ribs simply hurt. I've been contorting so as to relax some of it, to minor success, since waking... at 16:00 again. I HURT EVERYWHERE. And more, my muscles are burning as if I had just worked out. On top of it, I feel like I have one of those post-workout chest colds, like when you push it a bit much. At least I feel rested. Odd.
A couple of clips for you to watch. The first more serious, if the producers need to drop the multicultural crap. That is part of why people aren't buying. Get it right or go home. But... they are almost thinking here. The other is one of the funniest comedians I have seen in a bit, and he is European. I have only, ever, before, simply laughed AT those comedians, for some very long time. I am wondering if a funny European comedian is proof that the end is nigh!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Yeah? No.
.
.
Even with a nap yesterday mid-day, then sleep several times last night, I not only didn't wake up at 8:00-9:00 as set, I was not able to climb out of bed until 16:00. I have no idea what that was about. And yes, I kept setting and resetting my alarms. I just could not wake up! Even opening the door so that the girls could try their hand at it at 11:00, nothing could wake me. I do feel better today. My internals don't feel like they are in a harsh fight recovery. Then again, I don't feel all that awake, even now. I'll just keep plugging away.
I will probably try to get into town later tonight. I need some things. I have been doing an excellent job of keeping on top of supplies. I think this is the first time in a very long time that I have actually run out of even milk, and that is all I am out of. Some soda on hand, for days I don't want to make coffee, but soda is no longer a vital product. What I used to go through in a week can last two months or more. Hmm, and I need more Splenda, if I am not out of it. Coffee, too, could be bought, if I still have almost a pound. I definitely have meat and vegetables though. And, actually, I could use powdered milk or the canned milk I have on hand if I really needed to stretch more.
I keep seeing stories about people getting in trouble for buying rpg (rocket propelled grenade) systems, and other such. I keep advising, don't go with that kind of a risk. Not while, for the moment, .50 caliber rifles are still legal. I believe you could probably still buy the specialized scopes for them, with ir and heat visuals. Those packages are out of my price range, but I bet they would be cheaper to buy (and easier to test and train with) than an rpg and it's various ammo, plus being legal. Plus, a missed .50 round is a lot less destructive than a missed rpg round, much lower unintended casualty rates. Do you really want your neighbors to hate you for killing some of their family, destroying their house or business or livestock? You aren't muslims, you know. Our God makes us responsible, their god or gods or whatever allows them to be totally irresponsible. You own any bullet or weapon you use or fire. Just... saying. Trust me, you don't want a dead kid on your conscience, even when you do everything as correctly as possible. Even if you are atheist.
At least I am clean today. And, if I end up going out tonight I will shower again. I have loved that about getting to swimming so far. I'm almost always clean, save over the weekend sometimes. But even then, that is, when I am on things, only a two day period. I need to get back in the game somehow.
Later.
.
Even with a nap yesterday mid-day, then sleep several times last night, I not only didn't wake up at 8:00-9:00 as set, I was not able to climb out of bed until 16:00. I have no idea what that was about. And yes, I kept setting and resetting my alarms. I just could not wake up! Even opening the door so that the girls could try their hand at it at 11:00, nothing could wake me. I do feel better today. My internals don't feel like they are in a harsh fight recovery. Then again, I don't feel all that awake, even now. I'll just keep plugging away.
I will probably try to get into town later tonight. I need some things. I have been doing an excellent job of keeping on top of supplies. I think this is the first time in a very long time that I have actually run out of even milk, and that is all I am out of. Some soda on hand, for days I don't want to make coffee, but soda is no longer a vital product. What I used to go through in a week can last two months or more. Hmm, and I need more Splenda, if I am not out of it. Coffee, too, could be bought, if I still have almost a pound. I definitely have meat and vegetables though. And, actually, I could use powdered milk or the canned milk I have on hand if I really needed to stretch more.
I keep seeing stories about people getting in trouble for buying rpg (rocket propelled grenade) systems, and other such. I keep advising, don't go with that kind of a risk. Not while, for the moment, .50 caliber rifles are still legal. I believe you could probably still buy the specialized scopes for them, with ir and heat visuals. Those packages are out of my price range, but I bet they would be cheaper to buy (and easier to test and train with) than an rpg and it's various ammo, plus being legal. Plus, a missed .50 round is a lot less destructive than a missed rpg round, much lower unintended casualty rates. Do you really want your neighbors to hate you for killing some of their family, destroying their house or business or livestock? You aren't muslims, you know. Our God makes us responsible, their god or gods or whatever allows them to be totally irresponsible. You own any bullet or weapon you use or fire. Just... saying. Trust me, you don't want a dead kid on your conscience, even when you do everything as correctly as possible. Even if you are atheist.
At least I am clean today. And, if I end up going out tonight I will shower again. I have loved that about getting to swimming so far. I'm almost always clean, save over the weekend sometimes. But even then, that is, when I am on things, only a two day period. I need to get back in the game somehow.
Later.
A bit of sleep.
.
.
Well, this wasn't going to be easy. I slept three or four hours then woke hard. A few hours of tinkering and it's about time for a bit more sleep. Avoiding caffeine helps. Odd dreams but I'm not catching them. I just knew I had them. The night isn't over though. If feels like I've gotten my torso worked over in a fight... or at least a few days ago. It's not as sharp as fresh jabs, at least when I used to feel pain after fights. Of course, I'm wondering if, as I got better, I simply got hit a heck of a lot less... and learned how to give when I did get hit. Or at least a mix of tightening, giving with the blow, and outright dodging. I was never trained by boxers or other pros when younger. Any training I might have received wasn't really based on such either though, or not so directly... more philosophical or... taught through action. So I really don't know. Whatever. Ah well, the girls got a midnight snack, for which they were quite grateful. Hungry little beasts, have no doubt about that.
Good night, again.
.
Well, this wasn't going to be easy. I slept three or four hours then woke hard. A few hours of tinkering and it's about time for a bit more sleep. Avoiding caffeine helps. Odd dreams but I'm not catching them. I just knew I had them. The night isn't over though. If feels like I've gotten my torso worked over in a fight... or at least a few days ago. It's not as sharp as fresh jabs, at least when I used to feel pain after fights. Of course, I'm wondering if, as I got better, I simply got hit a heck of a lot less... and learned how to give when I did get hit. Or at least a mix of tightening, giving with the blow, and outright dodging. I was never trained by boxers or other pros when younger. Any training I might have received wasn't really based on such either though, or not so directly... more philosophical or... taught through action. So I really don't know. Whatever. Ah well, the girls got a midnight snack, for which they were quite grateful. Hungry little beasts, have no doubt about that.
Good night, again.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Sleep.
.
.
I can't say why, but at a very early hour I am ready for bed... relatively early hour. I didn't finish off the dishes, but I sort of saw that coming and didn't want to fill the tub in the tub only to not be able to shower in a hurry, if need be, tomorrow. Just that little bit, at this point, could keep me from swimming. And getting to the pool is far from a guaranteed thing as is, while being much more important than potentially doing the last of the dishes. No matter how much I will it, want it, push for it, it will either happen or it won't. No need to add obstacles. Of course, if I rise early enough, to get the blood pumping, I may do the dishes then, depending on how things are going. Yes, yes, playing a game, but it's the only game I have. I don't have many choices. Caution, sometimes, is required, and patience. I'm hoping my patience has payed off to date.
The nice thing is, with most of the dishes done, I can make a hot breakfast to start my day. Yeah, I can handle that... I'm thinking a pork chop and eggs? Wait. Bacon is thawed! I love it when a plan comes together. I will need to pick up a couple of birthday cards, getting one out quickly, then stop at the store for milk and a few other goodies. I will then check on my friend. I have missed him, and I didn't make it the last time I was to be there, as I wasn't up for swimming or even leaving my home. Stuck, just like him, but on this side of the fence.
Good night.
.
I can't say why, but at a very early hour I am ready for bed... relatively early hour. I didn't finish off the dishes, but I sort of saw that coming and didn't want to fill the tub in the tub only to not be able to shower in a hurry, if need be, tomorrow. Just that little bit, at this point, could keep me from swimming. And getting to the pool is far from a guaranteed thing as is, while being much more important than potentially doing the last of the dishes. No matter how much I will it, want it, push for it, it will either happen or it won't. No need to add obstacles. Of course, if I rise early enough, to get the blood pumping, I may do the dishes then, depending on how things are going. Yes, yes, playing a game, but it's the only game I have. I don't have many choices. Caution, sometimes, is required, and patience. I'm hoping my patience has payed off to date.
The nice thing is, with most of the dishes done, I can make a hot breakfast to start my day. Yeah, I can handle that... I'm thinking a pork chop and eggs? Wait. Bacon is thawed! I love it when a plan comes together. I will need to pick up a couple of birthday cards, getting one out quickly, then stop at the store for milk and a few other goodies. I will then check on my friend. I have missed him, and I didn't make it the last time I was to be there, as I wasn't up for swimming or even leaving my home. Stuck, just like him, but on this side of the fence.
Good night.
Getting better sort of sucks. :p
.
.
I stayed up after rising early about as long as I could. A nap was quite good, if almost too good. I set the alarms for a two hour nap, after calling my mother. I wasn't able to wake for another hour, and I had to force it. Since then I finally did the big load of dishes soaking in the tub in the tub. No, I didn't stutt-tter. Then I trimmed my beard down to the nubs and showered. I have been having really bad breath, so I wanted to check my teeth. Brushing and flossing isn't a daily treatment, it's a diagnostic for me. Brushing will find sore teeth and flossing will find cavities and such on the interior while checking my gums. Odd, but using those plastic pics very frequently and not brushing or flossing but a few times a year? My teeth and gums are simply very healthy. God built me well I guess, in more ways than one. Weird that a simple virus would take me so low. Though... it may simply have mothballed me? Time will tell.
Oh, I'm telling you, that shower was SaWeet! In spite of truly even doing better in this fall than ever before, I tell you my life has been pretty haggardly. Simply taking a shower, even at this relative local low and yet regional high, was quite the task. I'm burning up from the effort, honestly. This definitely is my heart being a poopper or some vital organ(s) or such demanding blood and starving the rest of me for it. I have a wound that is healing excessively slowly as well, which is another clue. I can only do what I can do, but I will do that. Yes indeed. I've reworked today a bit, now to get to swimming tomorrow. It might be slow, even lazy, but it will be what it is, what I can.
I am still hoping to get the last dozen dishes washed and dried before this day is through. While it's a little thing, added on to what I have done and in my current condition this is... wonderful. Well, back to relaxing in order to get back to work. Later.
.
I stayed up after rising early about as long as I could. A nap was quite good, if almost too good. I set the alarms for a two hour nap, after calling my mother. I wasn't able to wake for another hour, and I had to force it. Since then I finally did the big load of dishes soaking in the tub in the tub. No, I didn't stutt-tter. Then I trimmed my beard down to the nubs and showered. I have been having really bad breath, so I wanted to check my teeth. Brushing and flossing isn't a daily treatment, it's a diagnostic for me. Brushing will find sore teeth and flossing will find cavities and such on the interior while checking my gums. Odd, but using those plastic pics very frequently and not brushing or flossing but a few times a year? My teeth and gums are simply very healthy. God built me well I guess, in more ways than one. Weird that a simple virus would take me so low. Though... it may simply have mothballed me? Time will tell.
Oh, I'm telling you, that shower was SaWeet! In spite of truly even doing better in this fall than ever before, I tell you my life has been pretty haggardly. Simply taking a shower, even at this relative local low and yet regional high, was quite the task. I'm burning up from the effort, honestly. This definitely is my heart being a poopper or some vital organ(s) or such demanding blood and starving the rest of me for it. I have a wound that is healing excessively slowly as well, which is another clue. I can only do what I can do, but I will do that. Yes indeed. I've reworked today a bit, now to get to swimming tomorrow. It might be slow, even lazy, but it will be what it is, what I can.
I am still hoping to get the last dozen dishes washed and dried before this day is through. While it's a little thing, added on to what I have done and in my current condition this is... wonderful. Well, back to relaxing in order to get back to work. Later.
Caveat Emptor.
.
.
As one of the songs suggested, beware even the so called method. With 67% of retracted "scientific" papers being counted as forms of fraud, and who knows how many others should be *cough* global warming *cough*, one finds themselves in a bit of a bind trusting what used to be a given. What is the corrupting factor? A college bubble (that is about to burst) coupled with, fueled by really, government money, or really your money, spent by a government whose system is busted and is borrowing to spend on what isn't true!
One minor quip... medical research that is bogus is more than just not good for financial reasons. A group recently took a huge number of medical research results in an attempt to turn those into practical (and financial) devices. It found 97% of them to be bogus, slightly less than half of those were not only not effective, but were counter-productive or simply destructive, to health, if they had reached medical practices. Only the Lord knows how many such practices do reach doctors and hospitals, only to be pigeonholed once the horrible truth is uncovered. Data secreted away from the public, and lawyers. Hospitals and doctors have become what they decry about tobacco industry, only worse. Everyone knew tobacco wasn't exactly healthy, if the CEO and boards "hid" that data. People don't even suspect their doctor could be killing them needlessly. Yet.
Just... going over a few things here, to try to get it all straight.
A few more hours and I am going to take a nap. I think, if I pull the right strings and don't hamstring myself, so far so good, I should be back in the pool at a reasonable hour. The boat is rockin', if in such a way that you can still come knocking. Good day.
.
As one of the songs suggested, beware even the so called method. With 67% of retracted "scientific" papers being counted as forms of fraud, and who knows how many others should be *cough* global warming *cough*, one finds themselves in a bit of a bind trusting what used to be a given. What is the corrupting factor? A college bubble (that is about to burst) coupled with, fueled by really, government money, or really your money, spent by a government whose system is busted and is borrowing to spend on what isn't true!
One minor quip... medical research that is bogus is more than just not good for financial reasons. A group recently took a huge number of medical research results in an attempt to turn those into practical (and financial) devices. It found 97% of them to be bogus, slightly less than half of those were not only not effective, but were counter-productive or simply destructive, to health, if they had reached medical practices. Only the Lord knows how many such practices do reach doctors and hospitals, only to be pigeonholed once the horrible truth is uncovered. Data secreted away from the public, and lawyers. Hospitals and doctors have become what they decry about tobacco industry, only worse. Everyone knew tobacco wasn't exactly healthy, if the CEO and boards "hid" that data. People don't even suspect their doctor could be killing them needlessly. Yet.
Just... going over a few things here, to try to get it all straight.
A few more hours and I am going to take a nap. I think, if I pull the right strings and don't hamstring myself, so far so good, I should be back in the pool at a reasonable hour. The boat is rockin', if in such a way that you can still come knocking. Good day.
Not a bad night, and morning.
.
.
It's like a fever broke, if I am still cleaning up the mess and will be for some time. I couldn't get to sleep until 3:30, which was actually earlier than usual, lately. I set the alarms for 9:00 and 10:00, the early one was right beside the bed so that I could just hit it and go back to sleep. I was hoping to be up by 10:00, but honestly I wasn't fixed on it. It was just a goal. I woke pretty well. I couldn't figure out... anything, right at first. I felt good, at least as good as any other waking for at least the last week. Something seemed wrong though. Had I turned off the first alarm and forgotten I had done it, or both alarms? That is becoming rare anymore, to turn off the alarms and not even realize having done so, but it must still be possible. Then it struck me that checking the time would clear up that initial morning daze mystery. It was... 8:43? Really? I checked several other clocks and my wrist watch. Yep... strange. This is the first morning I have seen, I think, since my last V.A. appointment. Before that it was the other V.A. appointment almost two weeks ago. Before that I was struggling with my schedule which would be off and on again.
Whatever. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth... which, because of what I know I know to ignore in practicum and save only as a saying for the masses. Being based on Trojans jumping out of a giant gift horse in order to open the city gates and sack Whatchamacallit. ALWAYS look a gift horse in the mouth, literally, proverbially, with x-ray if you think it wise! In any case, in this one case, I'm not actually going to look. Hmm, maybe the world is built upon burying the head in the sand? I may simply be unworldly, though... who would have guessed THAT?
The girls have been fed, I finished off tuna-mac from two days ago. Who needs refrigeration? Sometimes I am surprised I haven't... pushed things too far. Tuna-mac, out for two days, eaten without a problem? Either that or food nannies are far to strict in truth? Or I have some serious genes. Oh, I've had food poisoning before, if not from my home diet. It has always been pretty mild. The poison effect I spoke of earlier, plus diarrhea and nausea, plus flu symptoms. I can't always tell it from a stronger case of the flu up front. If it only lasts a day or so, it was probably food poisoning.
Blathering as I wake. So... good day.
.
It's like a fever broke, if I am still cleaning up the mess and will be for some time. I couldn't get to sleep until 3:30, which was actually earlier than usual, lately. I set the alarms for 9:00 and 10:00, the early one was right beside the bed so that I could just hit it and go back to sleep. I was hoping to be up by 10:00, but honestly I wasn't fixed on it. It was just a goal. I woke pretty well. I couldn't figure out... anything, right at first. I felt good, at least as good as any other waking for at least the last week. Something seemed wrong though. Had I turned off the first alarm and forgotten I had done it, or both alarms? That is becoming rare anymore, to turn off the alarms and not even realize having done so, but it must still be possible. Then it struck me that checking the time would clear up that initial morning daze mystery. It was... 8:43? Really? I checked several other clocks and my wrist watch. Yep... strange. This is the first morning I have seen, I think, since my last V.A. appointment. Before that it was the other V.A. appointment almost two weeks ago. Before that I was struggling with my schedule which would be off and on again.
Whatever. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth... which, because of what I know I know to ignore in practicum and save only as a saying for the masses. Being based on Trojans jumping out of a giant gift horse in order to open the city gates and sack Whatchamacallit. ALWAYS look a gift horse in the mouth, literally, proverbially, with x-ray if you think it wise! In any case, in this one case, I'm not actually going to look. Hmm, maybe the world is built upon burying the head in the sand? I may simply be unworldly, though... who would have guessed THAT?
The girls have been fed, I finished off tuna-mac from two days ago. Who needs refrigeration? Sometimes I am surprised I haven't... pushed things too far. Tuna-mac, out for two days, eaten without a problem? Either that or food nannies are far to strict in truth? Or I have some serious genes. Oh, I've had food poisoning before, if not from my home diet. It has always been pretty mild. The poison effect I spoke of earlier, plus diarrhea and nausea, plus flu symptoms. I can't always tell it from a stronger case of the flu up front. If it only lasts a day or so, it was probably food poisoning.
Blathering as I wake. So... good day.
Okay, for the Dread Ilk(tm) who are more like me.
.
.
Not that I mind having some fun, but I've had enough fun for a dozen lifetimes that way. I wouldn't even mind playing with a snake, even a poisonous one, just... one at a time, thank you. However, snakes are not the only way to flush rabbits. This is more in keeping with my old age. I wonder if the other Vox Ilk will like this as well though? It works just as well and you can keep your "snake" at home, where it belongs... if... not... Oh... figure it out.
I ought to get to dishes, then a shower. I have to do the dishes to take a shower. Hey, I need a big wash tub, them's a lotttt o' dishes. Then gaming and bed. Good night.
.
Not that I mind having some fun, but I've had enough fun for a dozen lifetimes that way. I wouldn't even mind playing with a snake, even a poisonous one, just... one at a time, thank you. However, snakes are not the only way to flush rabbits. This is more in keeping with my old age. I wonder if the other Vox Ilk will like this as well though? It works just as well and you can keep your "snake" at home, where it belongs... if... not... Oh... figure it out.
I ought to get to dishes, then a shower. I have to do the dishes to take a shower. Hey, I need a big wash tub, them's a lotttt o' dishes. Then gaming and bed. Good night.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Some are not what they seem.
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.
Some are exactly what they seem to be. Choose a quiet time to reflect. While this never made an enemy, for my part, into a friend, it has changed the urgency of the animosity. I have learned to enjoy the company of some enemies... and to be much more cautious with others. Even with those who offer wisdom, smell with the air of the Holy Spirit. You will know.
.
Some are exactly what they seem to be. Choose a quiet time to reflect. While this never made an enemy, for my part, into a friend, it has changed the urgency of the animosity. I have learned to enjoy the company of some enemies... and to be much more cautious with others. Even with those who offer wisdom, smell with the air of the Holy Spirit. You will know.
I need to be careful about what I write.
.
.
For example, if I write that I was still hungry after supper, it isn't necessarily because I didn't get enough to eat. My system is just... off the charts at times. Usually a double whopper large meal will fill me, and actually I will sometimes not finish it or feel a little too full. Once in a great while I get the hunger of a bear. I don't even know how else to put it. I have eaten three, and worked on a fourth, double whopper meal before. My metabolism is just whack. It isn't even something to do with the heart, I've been like that since I was a child. It was even wilder then, though. They called me "Stick" because I was so thin, in spite of eating everything I could, but when I got really hungry? As I said, my mother had a contest with me, since I was always saying I was hungry and she thought I couldn't really be that much hungrier (after cleaning food like a shark). I ate two and a half chickens, fried by pieces, along with that for every several pieces I had to have a serving of vegetables, a serving of mashed potatoes, and a glass of milk. Think about how much food that really is, and understand I was 10, at the oldest, at that time. If I might have been 6' or closing on it already. So... don't worry. I always get enough... within reason. Just... some days, there is no such thing as enough. Especially as I am coming out of my coma type episodes. Oh, and thank you.
Yep, life is getting better. I have tomorrow and Wednesday to work my schedule a bit so as to be into the pool at a reasonable hour. I may have to do some mixing and matching, napping, and go through some yuck times, but I think I can do it, and Friday too. Gotta get going on these things. Gotta do it.
.
For example, if I write that I was still hungry after supper, it isn't necessarily because I didn't get enough to eat. My system is just... off the charts at times. Usually a double whopper large meal will fill me, and actually I will sometimes not finish it or feel a little too full. Once in a great while I get the hunger of a bear. I don't even know how else to put it. I have eaten three, and worked on a fourth, double whopper meal before. My metabolism is just whack. It isn't even something to do with the heart, I've been like that since I was a child. It was even wilder then, though. They called me "Stick" because I was so thin, in spite of eating everything I could, but when I got really hungry? As I said, my mother had a contest with me, since I was always saying I was hungry and she thought I couldn't really be that much hungrier (after cleaning food like a shark). I ate two and a half chickens, fried by pieces, along with that for every several pieces I had to have a serving of vegetables, a serving of mashed potatoes, and a glass of milk. Think about how much food that really is, and understand I was 10, at the oldest, at that time. If I might have been 6' or closing on it already. So... don't worry. I always get enough... within reason. Just... some days, there is no such thing as enough. Especially as I am coming out of my coma type episodes. Oh, and thank you.
Yep, life is getting better. I have tomorrow and Wednesday to work my schedule a bit so as to be into the pool at a reasonable hour. I may have to do some mixing and matching, napping, and go through some yuck times, but I think I can do it, and Friday too. Gotta get going on these things. Gotta do it.
A change in the personal winds?
.
.
I'm feeling a stirring. The doldrums might be abating, though only time will really know. As I get better, each time I go through a down time I understand more about them. That doesn't mean I have learned to fix them. This time I was able to see that something is dampened, like being put under glass, or encased in plastic. My ability, and even basic (animal?) will, is smothered. Something simply drops out of me, like the magazine in a pistol. Pulling the trigger at that point will lead to a failure to fire, with a few minor exceptions. I don't believe, at this point, it has anything to do with pushing myself too hard or too fast, though that can contribute to things. This time, if I had to guess I would say it was simply bottoming out for no good reason... well, other than that I am mostly dead. That is real and hard and I have been doing things right through it that most can't. I just... forget, sometimes, when it is all going my way. Yes, yes, THIS is where I bury MY head in the sand. We all have our blind spots. If I think my blind spots are preferable, as I expect to do what most believe I shouldn't, perhaps couldn't, do. My blind spots lead me to excel, even beyond the probable, and sometimes beyond the technically possible. I can... live with that, since it won't lead to death like so many other blind spots could.
Something is coming back though. The vitality, the impulses, the strength to a degree. I want to... get right on things. I am pretty sure I won't get right on things, but I am pretty sure I might get on a few things. Those few things might lead to other things being done. And it builds from there. But the demand, command, to do, to act, to exercise, is coming back, and hard. I love this feeling. It really is like being stuck in the ocean for a couple of weeks without wind and feeling that first faint breeze. It's not enough to get sailing again but it feels so absolutely fantastic. From the cool of it to the easier breath in a breeze to the notion of riding the waves again. Even if, as with the ship, I am still not moving yet. It's... probably... coming... Soon.
I did remember to reschedule the swimming lesson for next week. Being that I only had email contact, I was sure hoping she checked her email. She did, very gratefully, and replied. I have to try to make it back into the pool Wednesday and Friday though. I have to push, push more, shove, kick, claw. I have to do this. Not just for her, or me, or the value of lessons, but because that is who I am. PUSH! *remember who you are* God called, I answered and follow, I have a duty, one which I love. It requires me to stand up, and I will do so, by God. He has already given me everything, I just have to use it. And I mean to use it.
D.C. is so right, those of us who see are pissing our pants over what is coming. Sometimes I back away from the horsemen and Apocalypse. I can't know, though, that for sure. I don't see the signs, not enough of them, not in overwhelming, back to back, massive ways. Perhaps I expect too much from the portents prophesied? And yet, if it is not the end times, I do believe the same actors, in a more moderate version of those times, will be filling the stages of the world, taking their places, and doing their things if it is not. Call it... a dress rehearsal for the big day. Just as Hitler and Stalin were Nero's and little Beasts, so too are others, perhaps more in time even. As well, too many Christians remain. That, at God's behest, can change in an instant, of course, one way or other. Still, these are cataclysmic times, not to be trifled with. And, yes, even potential actors should know fear as they take their places, either to control it with prayer, or for the Godless it will drive them to their acts, and destruction. It is as it must be. *peeing*
Later.
.
I'm feeling a stirring. The doldrums might be abating, though only time will really know. As I get better, each time I go through a down time I understand more about them. That doesn't mean I have learned to fix them. This time I was able to see that something is dampened, like being put under glass, or encased in plastic. My ability, and even basic (animal?) will, is smothered. Something simply drops out of me, like the magazine in a pistol. Pulling the trigger at that point will lead to a failure to fire, with a few minor exceptions. I don't believe, at this point, it has anything to do with pushing myself too hard or too fast, though that can contribute to things. This time, if I had to guess I would say it was simply bottoming out for no good reason... well, other than that I am mostly dead. That is real and hard and I have been doing things right through it that most can't. I just... forget, sometimes, when it is all going my way. Yes, yes, THIS is where I bury MY head in the sand. We all have our blind spots. If I think my blind spots are preferable, as I expect to do what most believe I shouldn't, perhaps couldn't, do. My blind spots lead me to excel, even beyond the probable, and sometimes beyond the technically possible. I can... live with that, since it won't lead to death like so many other blind spots could.
Something is coming back though. The vitality, the impulses, the strength to a degree. I want to... get right on things. I am pretty sure I won't get right on things, but I am pretty sure I might get on a few things. Those few things might lead to other things being done. And it builds from there. But the demand, command, to do, to act, to exercise, is coming back, and hard. I love this feeling. It really is like being stuck in the ocean for a couple of weeks without wind and feeling that first faint breeze. It's not enough to get sailing again but it feels so absolutely fantastic. From the cool of it to the easier breath in a breeze to the notion of riding the waves again. Even if, as with the ship, I am still not moving yet. It's... probably... coming... Soon.
I did remember to reschedule the swimming lesson for next week. Being that I only had email contact, I was sure hoping she checked her email. She did, very gratefully, and replied. I have to try to make it back into the pool Wednesday and Friday though. I have to push, push more, shove, kick, claw. I have to do this. Not just for her, or me, or the value of lessons, but because that is who I am. PUSH! *remember who you are* God called, I answered and follow, I have a duty, one which I love. It requires me to stand up, and I will do so, by God. He has already given me everything, I just have to use it. And I mean to use it.
D.C. is so right, those of us who see are pissing our pants over what is coming. Sometimes I back away from the horsemen and Apocalypse. I can't know, though, that for sure. I don't see the signs, not enough of them, not in overwhelming, back to back, massive ways. Perhaps I expect too much from the portents prophesied? And yet, if it is not the end times, I do believe the same actors, in a more moderate version of those times, will be filling the stages of the world, taking their places, and doing their things if it is not. Call it... a dress rehearsal for the big day. Just as Hitler and Stalin were Nero's and little Beasts, so too are others, perhaps more in time even. As well, too many Christians remain. That, at God's behest, can change in an instant, of course, one way or other. Still, these are cataclysmic times, not to be trifled with. And, yes, even potential actors should know fear as they take their places, either to control it with prayer, or for the Godless it will drive them to their acts, and destruction. It is as it must be. *peeing*
Later.
A bit o'wisdom.
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For those who aren't quite ready to see more than the simple, who can't resist the whole of the shackles restraining you. This is... good enough, if you must do your part. And, yes, it really is fine if this is all you can do, for now. Don't let them steal this. While it is the barest of truths, it is the only one required. If the faith is true, the rest will have to be trusted to attend itself.
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For those who aren't quite ready to see more than the simple, who can't resist the whole of the shackles restraining you. This is... good enough, if you must do your part. And, yes, it really is fine if this is all you can do, for now. Don't let them steal this. While it is the barest of truths, it is the only one required. If the faith is true, the rest will have to be trusted to attend itself.
No, keep on doing what you are doing, everything is fine.
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To top everything else off, and coming to an indoctrination center near you, I bring you another sample of why you had best be on your toes. This is how it started. I am thinking, one way or another, life is becoming very difficult. As soon as the demographics go one inch over the line, you will become a fully self-enclosed second class citizen. It goes downhill from there. Look around. It won't take long to figure out they are indeed talking about you. Our leaders are merely our own Uncle Tom's, and the time is coming.
I hate to keep coming to the same conclusion. And I really want to argue with some of the others who know more precisely while I only see. But I will not allow my emotions, wants, or hopes to override truth, reality, logic, and numbers. While all but the economic collapse could be averted, none of it will be. We are betrayed. If that doesn't mean we are ended, either. But to not be ended will cost far more than I see a willingness to act, and action will only come when blinders have been ripped off the faces of those who will not overcome their desires for what they want to be true and what is fact, on the ground, now and in the future. The truth hurts, but it won't kill you. Lies will kill you dead.
Ponder these things on the tree of woe, one way or another.
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To top everything else off, and coming to an indoctrination center near you, I bring you another sample of why you had best be on your toes. This is how it started. I am thinking, one way or another, life is becoming very difficult. As soon as the demographics go one inch over the line, you will become a fully self-enclosed second class citizen. It goes downhill from there. Look around. It won't take long to figure out they are indeed talking about you. Our leaders are merely our own Uncle Tom's, and the time is coming.
I hate to keep coming to the same conclusion. And I really want to argue with some of the others who know more precisely while I only see. But I will not allow my emotions, wants, or hopes to override truth, reality, logic, and numbers. While all but the economic collapse could be averted, none of it will be. We are betrayed. If that doesn't mean we are ended, either. But to not be ended will cost far more than I see a willingness to act, and action will only come when blinders have been ripped off the faces of those who will not overcome their desires for what they want to be true and what is fact, on the ground, now and in the future. The truth hurts, but it won't kill you. Lies will kill you dead.
Ponder these things on the tree of woe, one way or another.
More stuff.
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If you have ever considered joining the NRA, this might be the time. For a lifetime membership, the price is only $300 (usually $1k). I... have to wonder why the discount. There are good reasons and there are bad possible reasons. The offer runs through the 16th.
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If you have ever considered joining the NRA, this might be the time. For a lifetime membership, the price is only $300 (usually $1k). I... have to wonder why the discount. There are good reasons and there are bad possible reasons. The offer runs through the 16th.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Just a thought.
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Actually, brought to you by the actions of the left. Gotta love when God explains it in black and white AND in color.
Ugly doesn't get dressed up, or down, by others. It must drive them crazy. Crazy enough to deny the truth with a sign in front of a building, getting a picture taken with the proof that what you are implying is untrue handing you a cup of joe. Urhm, with a smile. I wonder if she has ever tried dressing up, or down. She has the looks that kill part down.
Seriously, if looks aren't your department, there are things you can do. Holding a sign denying the facts of life... probably isn't one of them. Though the liberal men who join you are probably down for anything, after a few beers. *shrug* Get rid of the potato-bag pants, get a little sun, do a bit of exercise, wear HUGE sunglasses, and smile a lot. Then again, what do I know. Ugly men have it easy. Then again... again... that's how I know. :p
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Actually, brought to you by the actions of the left. Gotta love when God explains it in black and white AND in color.
Ugly doesn't get dressed up, or down, by others. It must drive them crazy. Crazy enough to deny the truth with a sign in front of a building, getting a picture taken with the proof that what you are implying is untrue handing you a cup of joe. Urhm, with a smile. I wonder if she has ever tried dressing up, or down. She has the looks that kill part down.
Seriously, if looks aren't your department, there are things you can do. Holding a sign denying the facts of life... probably isn't one of them. Though the liberal men who join you are probably down for anything, after a few beers. *shrug* Get rid of the potato-bag pants, get a little sun, do a bit of exercise, wear HUGE sunglasses, and smile a lot. Then again, what do I know. Ugly men have it easy. Then again... again... that's how I know. :p
Stupid daylight savings.
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Yeah, it might have practical advantages. But it can really mess up my timing. I was waking up at about 13:00 lately, almost no matter when I go to bed. From 9:00 this morning to midnight the night before to 3:00 the day before that, with or without alarms, right at 13:00 I pop out of bed, unable to sleep more and relatively rested. I have to be somewhere at 14:00 tomorrow, and thought that pushing my wake time by an couple of hours would be rough but doable. That load just got a little heavier. Oh, I'll do it, I think. It's just, it will simply be just a bit more difficult.
I seem to be sleeping well, getting rest, but it's just odd. My controls are mushy. The alarm clocks have a limited impact and I can't seem to get control over when I go to bed. I simply can't sleep until I do. At least it isn't, for the most part, degrading my waking time. I AM a bit sluggish when awake, but my thinking is reasonably clear and I can do some things. Not all bad, just not... superior, or even great. This will happen. And I have had and am partially maintaining a vastly better life. If this is the new temporary low, I can live with that. If I am hoping for a hell of a lot more. And I think it will come.
Muscle is staying fit, mind is working, something just isn't quite firing. I think, or to my perceptions, we have been having more cloudy and otherwise overcast days. Today is a fine exception though, or at least it has been since I woke. I try to soak in these days and just limp by on the other days. It has been getting warm enough for Sam to venture forward a few times a day, if for very short runs so far. I think she wants in as much for the cold as for other critters. With snow still covering a good chunk of her territory, she can't just... sneak away into the terrain. So... I cater to her. I know she is dying for the times where she can play outside most of the day, even to be fed out there if she likes. Me too, if this spring, so far, seems better than last somehow, too? More sun, I think? Or just better health and much more function.
Have a wonderful Sunday!
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Yeah, it might have practical advantages. But it can really mess up my timing. I was waking up at about 13:00 lately, almost no matter when I go to bed. From 9:00 this morning to midnight the night before to 3:00 the day before that, with or without alarms, right at 13:00 I pop out of bed, unable to sleep more and relatively rested. I have to be somewhere at 14:00 tomorrow, and thought that pushing my wake time by an couple of hours would be rough but doable. That load just got a little heavier. Oh, I'll do it, I think. It's just, it will simply be just a bit more difficult.
I seem to be sleeping well, getting rest, but it's just odd. My controls are mushy. The alarm clocks have a limited impact and I can't seem to get control over when I go to bed. I simply can't sleep until I do. At least it isn't, for the most part, degrading my waking time. I AM a bit sluggish when awake, but my thinking is reasonably clear and I can do some things. Not all bad, just not... superior, or even great. This will happen. And I have had and am partially maintaining a vastly better life. If this is the new temporary low, I can live with that. If I am hoping for a hell of a lot more. And I think it will come.
Muscle is staying fit, mind is working, something just isn't quite firing. I think, or to my perceptions, we have been having more cloudy and otherwise overcast days. Today is a fine exception though, or at least it has been since I woke. I try to soak in these days and just limp by on the other days. It has been getting warm enough for Sam to venture forward a few times a day, if for very short runs so far. I think she wants in as much for the cold as for other critters. With snow still covering a good chunk of her territory, she can't just... sneak away into the terrain. So... I cater to her. I know she is dying for the times where she can play outside most of the day, even to be fed out there if she likes. Me too, if this spring, so far, seems better than last somehow, too? More sun, I think? Or just better health and much more function.
Have a wonderful Sunday!
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