A life of pain.

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No large complaints.  Sleeping and sitting too much?  Something to do with being off meds, then beginning those again?  No great pains.  Something to do with the sides of my torso, as if the g.i. was backed up slightly or bloated, or after doing sprints until the sides split during football pre-season camp.  But not fresh, as if a week after, with days of rest.  Love handle aches...  Pretty much constant, if variable in intensity from mild to causing hair to stand on end if flexing that area too quickly without taking stock of, or preparing, the area.  For four or five days now.  No worries, just... constant annoyance, asleep or awake.  I don't think I sleep much in the summer.

Meds are going in more regularly.  Diabetes is being managed as possible.  With blood sugar being in the 160's at the absolute highest, and averages in the 120's... I am not sure there is more I can do, as is.  About that "as is" though.  Tea.  Whether as a cause for use of sweeteners, or as a caffeine source, there... it might be the last problem.  My problem?  I have difficulty drinking water, iced or room temperature.  A problem I am beginning to solve.  There must be an occasional additive.  I can drink some water.  Sometimes ice it.  But, maybe a couple quarts, three?  Then my throat goes so dry it hurts, swallowing more water becomes impossible, all while I remain parched.  I'll... look around.

And, it seems, summer has returned?  Something strange is happening.  It got down to 50° F last night, at least.  I didn't want to open up, it's work.  And being that cool, it isn't always needed.  But it was staying 75° in the main and 78° up front?  I finally relented, opened everything up at midnight, and it only barely made it down to 70° by eightish before starting to get warmer?  So very strange.  It hadn't been warming until ten to sometimes noon lately.  Very strange.

I have the place opened for the night.  Here, at 20:30, it is about 65°, and the sun has already set?  Mind you, there are mountains to the west... smaller, at some distance.  And, yet, I didn't realize the sun was already setting so early.  It is always a bit sad to see a summer end it's singular life.  There will be others, but none quite exactly the same.  And it was a good summer.  One of the best I have experienced, weather and temperature tolerance wise, since becoming ill.

On to a new day... if that is night to you.  Sleeping and my wake cycles are completely random still.  No idea what will happen, when.  I will seek any opportunity to act, clean, sort, or... anything positive, active.  Mostly I will resemble a cat out to sea, just keeping it's head above the water, if more passively after it's hatred of water and much of it's energy is spent... maintenance is all I have to me.  Later.

The questions exposed by their glance.

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What you view is how I hear.  Exploring questions as possible, in some order... if one which doesn't make sense, or immediate sense.  More curious than you in my own ways.  What will trip you up, which will you immediately grok, when will you come to your senses... or abandon them in horror, joy, truth, or other ways?

Never a word is uttered, if there may be sound available to you.  Written words, for my part.  Do the words ever echo in your ears as if, thundered from a great and terrible being, nearly whispered from a kind gentle sage or humble monk, or boldly stated or sung as by an erudite or foolish but bold Thespian?

Not always are answers developed.  The question, sometimes, often, is singularly enjoyed.  Perhaps, if questions persist, an answer may be groused if not always brought to ground.  The former is the case in this instance.  The questions suffice to be pleasures.  Sharing the fullness of perhaps a few as a gift for your attendance.

Not awake.

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Not asleep.  A horrible place between the two.  Unsure how to resolve it.

Everything is still off.

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From weather to sleep, hours up, diabetes... everything is odd.

Blood sugar is the lowest it has been in months.  I am using insulin as needed.  Some days simply require more frequent and or heavier doses, some days require nothing.  Blood sugar was 115 fasting this "morning".  My average has gone up to 130, strangely.  I don't mind a higher average for a lower fasting read.

I do wonder, however, as to whether blood sugar follows a circadian rhythm.  While my sleep patterns are often completely out of control, some aspect(s) of my biology attempt to follow a normal day and night cycle.  It isn't perfect, just more normalized.  I would have to do exacting precise tests, at regular times, even waking to test.  I don't think that is possible solo.  Still, I am pretty sure.

I need to reset medicine.  All new stuff, save insulin, is in. I need to check on that. If I run out, oh well?  I will be adding the smaller dose of heart medicine this week, then going full dose next week, if... reasonable.  I have only missed one, a morning, dose since starting.  I would have fit that dose in, but sleep patterns fell out from under my feet and control was lost.

Actually, I have to go back to bed.  Good day, afternoon... night.

With help.

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I got out today.  Finally.  Son number three, of the neighbor, visited last night, with the idea of visiting today?  It's how it goes.  I suggested we try to figure a way to move the vehicle.  As it turns out, I could get the Xterra out around the car.  Didn't need guidance, or to move the car, if it was good to have an outside observer.

I didn't, couldn't, sleep last night, so I had him drive.  A bit of various shopping.  Oh, and the address change at he dmv.  Plus a car wash.  He finished what he needed to do.  All good.  I accused him of deciding to not just letting me die.  If I chuckled while suggesting I have decades left.  Even if I happen to be stuck in my home for the rest of my time.

More business to do, but with a vehicle in the clear, and payday coming...

I couldn't sleep until afternoon in spite of returning well before noon.  I had both ac's on but it only got down to 70° up there.  It's warm down here.  I will open up a bit tonight.  And get out as the lawn gets a good solid drink.  I may finally mow the lawn this Friday or Saturday.

Blood sugar is being weird.  Very low most of yesterday while I can't beat it down today.  Though 168 isn't horrible, a dose while not eating should have fixed it.  I'll check it in a few more hours, then have eggs, bacon, and a fatted coffee... plus another dose if it's still up.

Another hour on trim areas, then a few hours watering up front.  Then, I hope, back to bed.  I am hoping to finish business tomorrow, which means an earlier rise, a shower, and more.  Always more, if that is a feature, not a bug.  I just wish I wasn't so stretched for it.  At least it is a wonderful night to be playing homeowner, lawnsman.  Later.

A broken tool.

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Had to be shattered.

Fall.

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It is hitting hard.  Still August and it was 74° at 18:30?  Crazy.  Oh, it's sunny.  Just very cool.  It is 72°, as a high, in the main, 75° up front.  When I woke from my second or third nap for the day, it was 72° at ~16:30, upstairs, with only the fan going.  I left everything else off, hoping heat would wake me.  Even with four blankets, I was freezing without careful bundling.

The ducks seem content.  The lawn is looking good.  I have been working, slowly, through the house, looking for the keys.  A shower shortly, and shave.  More digging through the place, and finishing laundry while starting a small batch of dishes and taking a load of trash from the sorting process out.  Bits and pieces.

I called my mother.  Their weather is unseasonably cool as well.  October like temperatures, in the mid 70's too.  And it is knocking her down a bit as well.  She tried to suggest grobal warbling, and I corrected.  If she wishes to believe propaganda, that is her choice.  I refuse to even tolerate.  She didn't fight, but she will keep her propaganda.  If she has received enough feedback to know what it is at this point.  She can save it for the lying dems in her life, for their cabal gatherings.

Still, it was good to speak.  And to know we aren't alone in our rough sleepiness.  After calling before,while she was napping and couldn't wake, I figured.  She didn't even remember I had called.  I understand that.  She was grilling sirloins tonight.  I hope they were as good as they sounded.

If I can stay awake, I will get to a few things.  I won't be opening the place up tonight, though I will keep two fans going.  I may start opening the place in the day!  So very strange.  It... isn't over.  I am not through.  Fire in the snow.  Be careful out there, lasses and lads.  Later.

Very odd.

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I had put the ducks in, locked them in.  But I had forgotten to turn off the water an hour more than planned.  As I was out fixing that, I realized the ducks were out.  And their pen was still shut, barred.  As well, it looks like they killed another mouse.  Must have had a bit of a fight?  I think they now protect their food.

What a bit of hunger will do?  I am proud of them!  The first, for sure, was drowned, it was too small to have gotten into the watering dish pan.  This one was flattened.  However, I don't like that it perturbed them enough to escape.  Not sure if they used windows, or were able to go over the gate.  I can close it all up though.  There are potentially nasty things out at night.

The other oddity is the temperature in here.  It was 45° outside, last I checked, but with the house open, even only gotten to 74°, it is still 70° in the main.  Very odd.  On 55° nights, it is usually down to even 66°.  I can heat the place, if blood sugar is high, with my metabolism, but at 96 blood sugar last I checked, it won't happen.  I should be cold, actually.  A very strange day.

Oh, the other strange thing was it was only 74° by midafternoon, 18:30~19:30ish?  I, from that, expected it to cool.  It did, outdoors.  Still 70° in the main, 68° up front.  Just curious, 72° upstairs with the stupid ac supposedly running.  I flipped both on, but to fan.  A very strange day.

Oh, blood sugar is to 78 two hours after the last read.  I ate, and had a fatted coffee, plus my tea, but without insulin.  Very odd.  Not feeling ill, so I'll let it go.  I'll have a fatted drink in a bit, and a few more eggs.  Then check it in a few more hours.  I just don't know how that works.  Fasting for days and it goes up, eating and it drops.

Later.

Sleeping.

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Every three to twelve hours, I have been crashing.  No dizziness or true failures.  Simple weariness handled easily with a little or a lot of sleep.  No dreams now.  Pain has disappeared.  Even hunger is something lost in the fog.  Diabetes is being weird, going up without eating.

As I can be aware, I attempt to work on medical and other needs.  Dosing as needed, when I remember to check, and or dose.  I finally boiled three dozen older eggs.  If my oldest eggs are fresher than the 'freshest' storebought.  I pickled two dozen.  I may boil another three dozen Sunday, pickling another dozen.  I need to water glass  (lime/lyme) some eggs too, soon.

A dozen or two as they are available.  It takes six to eight days to pickle.  With two different quarts, I'll get to try various strengths.  White vinegar this time.  I am hoping to try making a few deviled eggs from each batch.  I would like to get two jars put up for each month, then similar amounts water glassed.  As well, trying various recipes.  I might try some frozen.

I haven't been able to work for more than fifteen minutes every three hours.  I begin to fail.  Tire.  By work I mean sort materials while searching for keys.  Some organization is happening, though mildly.  I do what I can.  It isn't much.  If I had a booster button I would press it.

I'll... keep at it.  Hmm, you know, egg salad sandwich, using keto flatbreat, and maybe tuna?  Not fancy, but it's been a bit.  And, actually, with mustard, mayo, fresh ground pepper, garlic and onion, it... is a bit of a treat.  Would go well in a leaf of lettuce too.  If I had such.  Later.

At first blush...

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It seemed another attack.  If the first volley was as it seemed?

Breaking my balls?

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Couldn't miss it.  Something said?  Eavesdropping is rude.  Unless...

Really bad things.

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These are the spots in life which disturb the most.  If you have used, or been told, to hurry and shit or get off the pot?  Well, imagine if neither is an option?  Figuratively, mind you.  Yeah, live long enough and you will remember at least a literal happenstance.  Probably went through it as a child, many times.  But youth offers the grace of forgetfulness.

Here I am, stuck in a messy house, without keys to one vehicle, which is blocking the other.  To sick to look for fifteen minutes at a time.  Suffering internal organ, bone, and joint pains, with a minor fever a lot more often than usual but with aspirin having no effect save to thin my blood leading to frequent nearly unstoppable nose bleeds, unable to care for self or home, with blood sugar being weird, and seemingly unable to die or improve.  Days?  Weeks?  I can't remember.

Blood sugar is actually quite good.  At 115 fasting this morning.  But, after yesterday, at either 225 or 185 fasting, to 129 wake fasting, then back up to 169 after a tuna melt... of 14 (total carb)... It was crazy, for no good reason.  The first number seemed so high, I checked immediately again, which is why the "or".  It isn't too hot or cold.  I think it gets to 82°~84° outside, but without much effort is staying around 71°, maxing at 73° inside.  I am actually fearing winter this year, as things stand.

I believe one of the cats found the key fob, knocked it down, and kicked it somewhere.  I cleared an area, while looking, setting watches near where I was sure the key had been.  I found one of the watches on the floor this morning.  It ended being too clunky to be a good toe, so remains where it fell.  It's a start.

Later.