Another seemingly good day.

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Something about something.  Not quite awake yet.  I'll get there, and well.  I am sure of it.  Sleep was good, no disturbances of sleep though that didn't seem to matter.  They say it does, somewhere underneath... disruptions of sleep is supposed to be really bad for you, at least for extended periods.  But then, when have I have believed or listened to them.  Further, whatever they say, it doesn't matter much.  If you have to wake, you have to wake.  So even if true, it matters little.  I just go by how I feel and do.  If that chalks up to an okay score, I don't worry too much about what they say.  Damned talking heads!

Yes, even when I roll out of the bunk I am already looking for a tussle.  Well, then again, how the hell do you think I got out of bed in the first place?  *grins*  I do wake fast, sharp, and I pop.  I never just leisurely climb out of bed.  Even when it appears that is happening, on those rare occasions, it is because I have brutally abused my body, pushing it far beyond it's abilities, or I have given it far too little sleep or am forcing it to wake in the middle of my bodies greatest need for sleep or from the deepest slumber.  Given the givens, I pop awake.  The pop, however, stops there.  Oh, I could wrestle an alligator, go for a sprint, or something else foolish.  But, given my druthers, I will drag my sword behind me, use as little brainpower and strength as possible, until... it's time... for whatever.  It is, decidedly, not time for whatever.  It will get there on this day.

Boxes, sweeping, mopping, more kitchen cleanup, and the final bits to finishing the bathroom.  Oh, and the laundry.  I won't plan much more.  I'm not absolutely certain of these things.  But that is the plan.  If I end up with more time and energy, I will look for chores that don't cost too much of any of my resources.  I am still, sort of, on rest day.  Oh, and it is Sunday.  I wish I could take the day off, but while on a roll, I can't.  I do hold Sunday as holy, but God knows I have to work when I can.  It could all fall apart tomorrow.  And I have much to do.

The work I do isn't just about getting specific things done.  Not solely.  While it is nice to have my cave clean, true enough, doing these things is a start.  It is where, and how, I can start.  The goal is to use these things to sharpen my body and mind, to create access within my home to doing other things.  This is me working out at the rate I am able, doing what I can, and doing good work.  It is the start, not the end goal.  If I can balance the domestic surf board, then I can begin going further into life.  There is no use to trying to negotiate the world without having a functioning home.  It's a bit of a trap, for bachelors.  You can get lost in your home.  But given that I am lost to my home by health, for the most part, for now, that isn't too much of a risk for me.  But, if I can handle this, perhaps I can find a way out.  Priorities, direction, function, and form, all wrapped into the simple acts of developing a systematic living situation where I live and sleep.  Yes, health indeed is returning.

More coffee!  Oh... one thing I did this morning was look up some information regarding some of the things I am planning with tools, and the shop.  I need to sharpen some of my tools, including, perhaps, the chainsaw blade, shovels, an axe or two, and perhaps a few other things.  After grinding rust off a few of them.  I have never sharpened anything but knives... well... and straight razors... which reminds me... I'll get back to the straight razors after the kitchen is finished, at least.  Anyway, I had no idea how to sharpen these things.  Wait, I do have ideas, but not exact enough notions.  So I went looking.  I'll add some things to my list... honing puck, brush, bastard file, soft teeth for my vice, and find out which size file my saw takes, and then, as I eventually begin managing tools, I will be ready.  Still, if you have those chores to do, or want to know how some suggest how to do them, here are a few videos.

Oh, well, I did what I could.

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The last of the laundry remains.  I ran out of gas but kept going.  Awake into the afternoon, but no more.  It is enough.  Bedtime.

I am still in wonder at how much has been done, that the plan is going as well as could be expected and more.  I am staying on track, pushing my day around, yet taking care of food needs and holding back from overexerting.  Limits.  They are real, if they can easily creep up and fell me.  For today, enough.

Tomorrow?  Finishing the laundry, tending the boxes, and at least sweeping the the kitchen and bathroom.  I will most likely mop while I am at it.  If those things are done, and I still have energy, I will begin sorting out the living room.  Putting things together, putting things away, throwing things away.  Perhaps vacuuming if I need a physical break from organization chores.  Those are the most difficult for me.  That is as much as I could hope, probably more than I can do.  I am going to keep it on the lighter side again tomorrow.  I will reevaluate my condition after that, and make plans from there.

Oh, I need to make a call or three.  There is a charity breakfast coming up, and I suggested I would try to help.  A meeting soon, too.  I need to nail some information down and then integrate that into my plans.  It's a bit risky.  While I have opened up my life, that has mostly been here at home.  Mostly.  The outside world is sort of a stranger.  I will have to reacquaint slowly.  Too many people, too much activity, too much of a physical push, and I will fall.  As I suggested to another, the more I have been able to do in health, the more I do, which has kept me from other, outside, things.  Perhaps it is time to change that.  Just once in a while, but... it's good to get out, with people, and do good things.

Good night (day).

Very good.

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It did take the normal amount of time to wake.  As I may have suggested, I was feeling pretty good.  The arm pain was gone, no other complaints existed, the mind was just a bit foggy though reasonably considering the very long day yesterday, and work I have been doing.  Still, with what I have done I wasn't sure how well I would be able to function.  Very well, as it turns out.

I have almost finished the list I had arranged for the night.  The last load of laundry is in the drier.  One set of dishes has to be washed again, then rinsed.  The other needed a fresh hot rinse.  Dishes dry so much better if they are coming out of hot water.  The new coffee pot was cleaned and pressed into service.  I have decided, because the coffee maker I had in backup was so terrible, that I would just toss it.  It doesn't pour, it leaks... everywhere, when you try to fill a cup.  The body of the old coffee maker will be saved, for now.  The base makes a decent warming plate, better with a little tinkering.  Why a warming plate?  To heat certain types of things I don't want to heat in the house, definitely not on the stove.  There are many such things, if I get into the shop more fully.

I may yet do more light cleaning in the kitchen, arrange boxes and break a few more down.  Perhaps I will sweep, everything, again, as space is opened by dealing with the boxes.  But I won't mop, not tonight.  I won't do anything heavy.  I realize I am pushing things.  And while it feels good, moderation is best right about now.  I hate killing enthusiasm when it exists, but experience is a harsh teacher.  I'll proceed, from this point, with some caution.  I just won't completely stop, either.

My home is coming together.  It is clearly showing signs of life.  I don't know if I can quite get it all.  I certainly can't keep it all up.  But if I can dig in, several more layers, down to clean, I can sort things a bit more easily from time to time.  Having a clean kempt cave is very good for the mind.  I'm working on it, and well.  Another week and I will reassess where to go and what to do.  If this keeps up, I should have the kitchen squared and the living room straightened by the end of next week.  Down to the clean.

I have been looking for a microwave cart.  For bigger microwaves, this can be a bit difficult.  It will also be used to hold some rather large items, allowing me a ton more counter space.  If I can find one.  As well, I am looking over computer desks.  Something small, for a corner.  Plus perhaps some small shelving.  I purchased a wheeled computer case, so as to have it out of the way, but be able to pull it out a little more easily to connect or disconnect things as I wish.  I have security software, for up to three machines, I need to get installed.  So many things, so little time.  It's good to be busy.

Oh, I think I'll cook corned beef tonight.  I didn't remember cabbage, but carrots and red potatoes made it to the cart.  I don't need cabbage every time.  Hmm... but I do have sauerkraut...  That would work.  I also bought enough potatoes to work with a couple of cooking projects I have been meaning to do.  For one, making McDonald french fries, at home.  When the tallow gets here, or before really, I will try to find what they used to use as a fat mix, probably tallow and peanut oil but I'll check.  The other thing I want to experiment with is making hash browns, enough to freeze a goodly portion to have on hand.  At $2.69 per #10, even after peeling, that is a lot cheaper than even a packet of store bought hash browns, ready to go.  That might even be less than one helping of fries.  I will do them in small batches, several smaller batches for each recipe just to be sure, and use the scientific method... for as well as that does with food, tastes.  Tastes can be so fickle.  What is like today is not enjoyed tomorrow.

It is coming together amazingly.  The spring-like weather is probably helping, though I won't swear to it.  It might just be 'the time'.  I'll take it and keep going with it for as long as I can.  I hope to push into day again, though I don't know if I will make it as late as yesterday.  I sure slept well, when the cats, my bladder, or (I think) the doorbell, weren't interrupting sleep.  Actually, considering all that, I slept better than I have in some time.  All good. On to... something...  Hmm... gaming, for a bit.  The laundry should be ready in an hour.  When it is done, folded, and all, I will put that up with this other batch.  Very good.  Later.

I went in heavy, the load was off balance, and I hit hard.

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Sleep felt heavy, and hard to... negotiate?  Like a ship in which some of the rudder control has been shot out, so that all that remains is heavy hard manipulations, sluggish as they are, and imprecise too.  Why sleep should have a feel is anyone's guess, but that is the way of the sleep I just went through.  On top of that, it sounded like someone came to my door and rang my doorbell to beat the band.  Though, in some sorts of sleep, if I hear something, it can reverberate in my mind.  A moment lived over and over in a sort of dream echo.  It finally rousted me enough to wake and check.  I was so hot I had the fan going for the first time this year.  60?  Seriously?  That's cruel to us a bear-kin ogres.  Well, if someone had been there, they were gone.  Then my bladder was pushing me out of bed.  In the scant six hours of sleep I was able to manage, I was up three times.  Highly unusual for me.

As well, I had a dream.  I was driving in the mountains when an oncoming vehicle swerved into my lane.  The driver looked up just quickly enough to see the problem.  He over-corrected and went off a minor cliff.  He was in really bad shape.  In and out, up and down, death was just right near.  Yeah, I went to the hospital to check on him, say a few prayers, and such.  When, through interventions, surgeries, and such, he finally pulled through, I had thought to leave.  However, through happenstance, he found out that I was there, and called to me through the staff.  And so a minor friendship started.  I checked on him every few days.  He had been heading up to fly fish for the first time.  Among other things, he lost is fly fishing rod through breakage.

As it came time for him to be discharged, I brought him a new fly fishing rig.  Exactly what he had, save for a slightly better rod and a more secure case... though there are limits to any case.  I made him fight for one piece of the gear.  From conversations, he knew I didn't fly fish.  But in his presence, I had taken one piece of the gear, suggesting I could use it.  A nice little piece, can't remember what it was.  But he begged, and hollered, and whined, and accused, to my great pleasure.  Finally I handed it over, suggesting I hadn't wanted it anyway.  Then I just told him I wanted him to earn some of it.

He had wanted to continue being friends, but I told him that was ill advised.  I told him that, as far as the world is concerned, I am closer to death than he was at any point in his treatment.  While I suspect I will live longer than some of my middle aged docs, that isn't something to tie a horse to.  I didn't tell him the whole truth, the the reason I was there because the accident, when it happened, I knew was part of my nature.  I won't explain that here, but even in real life, I am pretty sure... my nature is part of why some things, some accidents, some deaths, have happened around me.  This was one of them.  It wasn't guilt that brought me there, only a hope of... changing this one thing this time.  And so it seemed to work.  Though you know how clouded a living dead mind can be.  Believe as you wish.

I suggested, whatever he was doing that distracted him, he relinquish.  I suspect talking on the phone, or worse texting.  I can sometimes see into minds.  I knew what I asked would be difficult.  I told him, with certainty, that if he didn't stop, he would die.  Only the next time he would kill other people too.  I told him that as a seer.  For I had seen it in the days leading to his being released.  A head-on collision at highway speeds, around a corner.  A family of four or five would be wiped out, along with himself and a passenger.  Nothing but mush, over the guard rail, down the shoot to a very hard bottom.  I explained that, unlike some, he got once chance.  It was spent.  There is more to the dream, and in it, but I don't share everything.  Echoes, minders, portents, and... some other things.  But those messages are for me alone.

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Feeling pretty good for having chased the moon to the sun to end up nearly back at the moon, plus having cycled enough minor chores and jobs to actually have called it work along with a full barrage of shopping.  Even in this withering heat wave!  I need to wake up first.  I think I will be okay though.  I will take it easy, at first, and probably try to take it a little easier, if that is even a choice thing, today.  As I suggested, finishing the dishes, finishing laundry, a meal or two, some minor picking up... little things, at a slower pace.  If I can hit a solid stride, I might just do so though.  Hard to know.  It's just, when the drum is sounding strong, it's difficult for me to resist the faster pace.  Health will tend itself, hasn't actually let me down over the edge... too far over the edge (and that with unfair assistance), so far.

Good day(night).

I think that about did it.

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If anyone has a fork, feel free to check.

I hit everything, even having to go back for the ice, but this time I did that rather than just shrugging it off.  Ice, simply put, allows me to drink the amount of fluid my body seems to demand.  Only so much coffee and soda can be tolerated.  Then I need regular water or water with just a touch of that mix.  Either that or I choke.

DMV, short line, pleasant worker, quick and painless.  I suggested that I didn't mind being forced to get my birth certificate, as I have been wanting a passport.  For being pleasant while some have probably been quite snarly and nasty, I was rewarded with a bit of good dope.  It seems I can get my passport locally.  Now I know where, and sort of how.  I will have to arrange it, but... that usually work out, well enough, in the end.  On to the bank, then all but grocery shopping as I suggested.  Good thing too, my friend needed a gallon of milk.  But to dinner first.  Actually breakfast.  For me for sure.  I have pushed my day so long that... no, yeah, he did have breakfast... eggs, perhaps over easy or sunnyside, toast, hashbrowns.  Anyway...

Everything.  Done.  Plus I filled the tank, and I think did another thing or two.  Oh, and remembered to check the mail on the way home.  I'm sore.  My left arm hurts, like I was bone-punched, or had the nerve nicked just right.  The rest of me is in pretty good shape, just shot to hell and back.  Dead tired but I won't be sleeping until I can come down.  But that is exactly as it should be.  I am well pleased with the last few days, and the push through today.  I actually had almost two months before I had to do this, but I couldn't find an expiration date.  Still, glad to have it done.  Especially since the hard license won't come in for three weeks.  Last time there was some sort of glitch and I had to call in and then wait another three weeks... if that was more timely even so than this time.  I best put a reminder in my calendar to check on that.  Damned sloppy with such an important requirement for legal driving, insurance claims, and all the rest.

I'm not even too grumpy.  Even being as overheated as I am.  I have been burning up all day, but it got into, or even past, 60 F today!  Gah!  That is just so unseasonably hot.  I'm simply not ready for that.  I can't swear that I will be working tonight, when I wake.  I may have to take it easy for a day or two.  Well, not a heavy night of work.  I might finish the dishes, and maybe push the laundry through.  I might even see if the new parts fit for the drain, and work on that.  But not too much past that.  Rest.  Burning the candle at both ends has a price.  Tomorrow night might also be a rest night.  I don't want to lose my gains though.  So, soon enough, I will get back on full track.  It's really shaping up in here, and I like it.  Good night.

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Oh, one last thing.  I was having a conversation with a woman today, about taxation and such.  She wasn't happy that unemployed people were cashing very large "tax rebates", while she was having to struggle through on top of working.  Fair enough.  Then the conversation went to corporate taxes.  I suggested they cut all corporate taxation.  No, she insisted, they MUST pay.  So, I asked her who paid corporate taxes.  Corporations!  No, they don't, I said.  You pay corporate taxes.  Huh?  Well, corporations do not print money, they sell products or provide services, for a fee.  If corporate taxes are at 39% of profits, that means for every dollar you spend, 39 cents go to pay taxes.  Oh, well.  Further, companies use your money, in the form of taxes, in order to buy access to more of your tax money through cronyism.  Words weren't exact, but I think she finally understood some things she apparently never considered.  Yes, she is paying corporate taxes, which give corporations access to government benefits she is paying for.

It's wasted, I know this.  It's not fair how twisted the indoctrination has worked on people.  Many believe the exact opposite of what is and choose not to reconsider when having the light brightly shone on the topic, making it easy to see.  It is too complicated.  She will vote, as will many, based on what they know, much of it terribly incorrect.  Trusting people in spite of not trusting them, seemingly.  Which is why I probably won't vote again, not with a ballot.  With my feet, with my wallet, with my will, yes.  But there is no reason to vote with so many who know, and wish to know, and openly ignore, the truth.  No slight on her.  A typical voter.  Just remember, a real democracy is mob rule, and that is what it is being reduced.  Thankfully, enough people still bear arms, and the right people, to deal with the more unruly parts of the mob.  For now.

It does look like my plans are doing well.

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All the laundry has been handled, including a large batch that has been forgotten in the drier.  The new load has been dried.  One more load to go of washing, but not today.  I will wait to wash the second load until I wake tonight.  Both of the loads of dishes have been done once, one set needed another soaking, and another.  Bleh.  The other is done, washed, rinsed, and put away.   I will take the trash out on my way to town.

My friend called.  It seems the police did not contact him after contacting me.  We talked a bit, but will talk some more.  That is not a good way to get my attention.  Still, I'm not all huffy about it.  Actually, even when I am downright pissed, I don't get all excited.  If I have to kill you, I'm not going to waste my energy with some things, anger among them.  I'm lazy, and good... or at least good enough to still be alive.  I don't have to fuss.  Still, a few words.

I arranged my shopping list, took some measurements for a potential microwave cart, including interior and exterior measurements I need, plus measured the pipe diameter for the drain.  The coffee pot will just have to be a bit of appearances, a semi-recognizable name, and a general sense about the unit.  Not much for groceries, though I want to remember ice.  I hate making ice.  I never can keep up on that.  Even in the winter, I like my water and mixes cold.  Not cool, not... cold... ice cold.

I told my friend I would call him after doing all but the grocery shopping.  Beyond shopping, I need to stop at my bank, and the DMV.  Hmm, better check something with the DMV.  See that I have everything they need.  Oh, not today, but soon, I hope to apply for a passport.  It's a little thing, not terribly useful in Utah as a daily thing, but it does have it's uses.  After most of that, a meal, and a chat.  Then groceries and home.  Not bad, really.  Wasn't sure I would make it and yet here I am, on my way.  Later.

Plans are wonderful devices.

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They simply have their limits.  If my goal had been to clean without other considerations, my plan for last night would have been just fine.  That isn't the case.  I need to get to town, for several reasons.  Need as in must.  I got a good start on things.  Then I started thinking about yesterday.  I worked hard, did well, and crashed so hard at about dawn that there was no chance of making it to town.  So I backed things off a bit this night.  I think that might allow me to make it to town.  I did get dishes pretty well dug into.  I started a load, and will be drying it shortly.  I think I will kick out the laundry that was already done while looking at morning "news". If I make it to town, and have some energy when I get back, I may deal with the boxes and cardboard for recycling.  The rest of the my goals will simply have to wait.  I will be to bed rather shortly after I return home.

Oh, well, I did more than what is recounted.  Doing this often requires doing that first.  And, while doing this and that, some other things just happen to be taken care of because... just because.  I am rather tired, but I think I can stay up just a bit longer and go on in.  I doubt if being in town before 10:00 would do me much good.  There are three places I will probably stop.  I need a new coffee pot (besides it's other problems, this one spills no matter how you pour from it), a new trap for the kitchen sink, and various grocery items.  Milk, cream, though especially butter!  I have the dry ingredients for the waffle batter combined, in a bowl, with plastic wrap over it... should last until tomorrow easily.  Oh, and perhaps I will see about a container for the batter.  Something solid, airtight, but with some mechanism that makes it easy enough to fill the measure cup provide for the unit.  You know... I might get some extra cream, and a fruit compote or froze and make my own, for topping.  The first few days will be just butter and maple syrup, but that will grow old quickly.

I really think I might end up digging through a lot of cleaning by the end of next week.  Bits and pieces, but with main plans and solid goals.  I wish I could do work like my mother, but it just isn't there.  Then again, she can't fuss with a computer, or use a chainsaw, or some other things.  It's just the way it goes.  Then again, I think she cheats.  I don't know how, but I am absolutely sure of it.  You know though, I have been thinking...  For the microwave, the food processor, and the waffle maker, it might not be a bad idea to get a small, perhaps wheeled, stand.  It might even accept some of the other items cluttering up my counter space, like the coffee grinder.  I don't know, I'll have to look.  Even smaller wire wrack sort of thing.  I could just add cloth to cover the below, keep that stuff clean.

Look.  My world is coming together.  Things are making sense.  Jobs are being done.  It actually takes the possibility of cleanliness to push into organization, but the two then go hand in hand.  But that takes money, up front.  Perhaps some effort.  Anyway... I best get laundry folded, and move the washed clothes to the dryer, then hit the last of the dishes.  I want these things done before I go to town.  It might not be everything, but it is something, and enough, while still allowing me to get to town.  Later.

I suppose.

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It's about time to get to work.  A shower first, as I suggested.  Then setting up dishes, putting in a load of laundry, perhaps doing a pot that needs scrubbed and rewashed too, so using it as a basin in the kitchen sink after it has been given a first cleaning, then probably a bit of rest... gaming.  I looked through my games for one I could enjoy, but had played to death so knew well enough that I wouldn't get entangled (could stop and work when rested).  I found one that I could play, which is still challenging enough to be interesting, and use that for my sit-times.  I simply can't be on my feet all night.  An hour or two at a time, then I have to take a dive.

The mind is good, body seems good, the world isn't spinning, I'm not green in the gills.  All good, go, go, go time.  Well, not quite that last.  As much of go-time as I can muster though.  Beside the various efforts tonight, I need to make a list for shopping.  The drain... I don't know exactly what I need for that.  I might do research next break, rather than game.  Research is sometimes as good as music or gaming.

If I keep this up, I might have my home reasonably clean in a couple of weeks.  Of course, that pretty much precludes travel and some other things.  Just shopping days, and maybe a meal in town.  In a few days, the carpet should be dry from the spot cleaning.  Which should be just about the time I am ready to tear into that room, clear, clean, vacuum, and steam clean.  Things are working out well.  I might even find time to rake the yard, take down Christmas lights, and move the twigs out for a burn between the house and maintenance tasks.

Typical day in the life stuff for some.  Quite a thing for me.  Along the lines of how I would rather things be done, it just hasn't be possible, isn't always possible even now.  I'm still amazed at how many things end up working out, how many extra little things are being done, how many long-on-the-list things are finally coming to fruition.  It truly is amazing.  I seem to be able to, comparatively, multi-task.  Amazed is the exact right term for my sense of things.

Who, what, hmm?

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My phone was off, and yet I am sure people called.  How is that even possible.  On top of that, I must have had a half dozen people knock on my door or ring the bell.  I couldn't wake fast enough to answer, but I did see one vehicle leaving and another I suspect had been parked out front.  On top of that, the girls were pounding on my door all night(day).  Some nights(days) are just that way, I suppose.  A little sleep would have been nice, all I'm saying.  No major grump.  It actually reminded me of every day(night) and night(day) onboard submarines.  You NEVER got good sleep, or much.  You got what they would give you or you could steal.  That was just how it was.  Not my favorite part of being at sea, but you did, sort of, get used to it.  Well, and you learned how to deal with your own, and other people's, grumps.  Even to have just a wee bit o' gallows humor about it all.  Good times, good times.  I really did learn to enjoy that, just a bit, in a three-off way.

Fine, I'm awake!  Are you happy now?  *grins*

Today?  Oh, well, on to what I had been doing.  I checked the spot on the living room floor.  It must have died sometime in the night(day).  (You are quite welcome, foam;).  Hmm...  I think, though, a shower, first thing, would be nice.  (I mean, after I wake up.)  Then setting up the dishes for a soapy soak.  While the sink is open, I will put some things in the tub in the tub, as they are simply too big.  Some things will be put in the sink, though.  Wait... no... all with go into the bathtub until I get little basins for the sink.  I never have figured out how to get the drain plugs to actually plug... oh, and the drain isn't in good shape and would leak if I used the sink.  Bleh.  So... dishes...  I also have laundry set to go.  After the shower, though, plus then I can put the clothes I am wearing in there too.  While those things are going, I might finally hit the clean clothes, mostly underwear, socks, and towels.  Folding, storing, and whatnot.  And, then, sweeping all, and mopping all... kitchen and bathroom.

After that, if I have anything left, I will hit the kitchen again.  I did break down the boxes to go, handled the packing material, and some other things last night.  I just need to store the keeper boxes, take out the trash, put the broken down boxes somewhere as well until I can fit them in the recycling bin (seems this last week wasn't recycling, so I still have a very full bin of that).  Then, if I get through all this, a rest... a nap... in the hopes that I can make it to town in the morning.  I have groceries, a new trap for under the sink, a couple of pieces of business, and... some other things which I hope to remember ahead of time... to do.  And, if it is at the right time, I'll invite my friend to lunch... for a dollar.

Well, that is the plan.  I am hoping to keep this up until I get through to the living room.  Having that straightened, vacuumed, then steam-cleaned.  Then I'll take a little break, live a little, and reconsider from there.  But, as I said, I need to wake up first.  Coffee!  Where is my coffee!  I only have milk for it, no cream, but that works well enough.  Later.

I am satisfied with the work.

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Yeah, no.  I didn't get to it all.  It's in the details.  I did do as much as I could.  I really do put too much in the schedule.  There is always more to what I write.  I did hit on most things, and either have them ready, in progress, or done.  Really, not a bad little piece of work.  I am certain some people could do a great deal more, though some wouldn't know where to start.  The spot on the carpet, for example, is almost gone.  I've had to work it several times, four... maybe five.  Actually, honestly, I am surprised I have been able to remove as much of it as I have.  Syrup spilled, but I didn't realize for a bit.  Then I had no clue how to clean it up.  Between reading online, and speaking with my mother, I finally figured out what to do.  Then came finding the right time to do it.  Sooner or later, this one ended up being later is all.

I went to make waffle batter.  No butter.  Bleh.  I'll add that to the list.  I'm about to make eggs, bacon, and... something else.  Ah, hashbrowns.  Not fancy, but rather tasty.  I won't make it to town today.  Tomorrow.  For sure.  I have some business that really needs attention, pretty much immediate attention.  Breakfast and to bed, for now.  Good night.

A nice little bit of work so far.

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Sure is odd, when looking at several messes all at once.  Trying to figure out which to hit first.  You could choose based on feelings, but that doesn't work as a general rule.  Though taking care of something that has been naggingly annoying can sometimes boost morale.  The thing is to decide what must be done in order that other things can happen.  Then again, if confusion persists, just pick something and go.  My guess is it takes a bit of this and that, and planning is only good as a starting point thing, and end game thing.  The middle, the actual doing, is messy that way.

I got everything out of the bathroom in order to sweep, put the laundry near the washer, reset the dishes that remain to a fresh rinse.  Then I swept.  The bathroom and then on to the wash room.  I can't really hit the rest of the kitchen with the broom until I clear the boxes and do some other straightening and cleaning.  I also set a wash pail to begin cleaning a spot of dried syrup from the carpeting, and started that.  It's going to take a while to get that out.  A little soaking, a little scrubbing, back and forth, until the splotch is gone... or close enough.  Little bits of this and that, in there, as well.  Not a bad start.

I ought to put a load of laundry in, but I want to deal with the two baskets of clean laundry first.  Adding more to that won't help my cause all that much.  Boxes are next, then cleaning the kitchen.  Then sweeping and then mopping the areas that were swept.  Then the clean laundry.  If I get that far, and I still have energy, I will go ahead and put another load through the laundry.  Oh, and while I am at things, I may mix a batter for waffles.  Waffles, a couple of eggs, and bacon sounds good.  Unfortunately *cough* I can find no recipes that seem reasonable for smaller batches of batter.  It looks like I will have to eat a couple of waffles a day for a while.  Yeah, shut up.  No, you shut up.  :p

Did I mention how nice it is to have a full flowing faucet in the kitchen?  Yeah.  Wait until I fix the drain!  Then I can clean out under there and put everything back exactly so, and have my kitchen back up to snuff.  There is one shelving area I need to work on, but the cabinetry out there, I have decided, will do.  If I do anything, rather than spending a ton of money on new, or even making it, I might strip and repaint.  A crisp white, as there isn't much access to the sun.  And, some drawers need work.  And of course the flooring needs to be redone.  But!  I do have a working faucet, and the drain is... tolerable for now.  Still, I want to fix that drain soon.  I'll buy stuff the next time I am in town, probably tomorrow.

I might not be doing everything I would like to do, as quickly as I would like to do those things.  I may be a little perturbed at the pace, and the annoyances from the needs.  Yet, the last few days, it is like I was able to see the whole ball of wax, everything that needs to be done, what has been done, finances, energy levels, and some other things.  It all made sense.  Just a few moments, several times, where I see it all coming together.  Very good experiences, offering incentive, hope, and some satisfaction.  I might be able to get things set up, before long, as I like them, as they should be.  My home is becoming more than just a place to live, but a hobby, an educational opportunity, and some other things.  Making my own reality, right here and now.  I know it's small, but it beats sleeping my life away.  Want it or not, though I do, I have a lot of life ahead of me.  I would rather use it.  Now, it seems, I can... just a bit.  Later.

Awake, now to get going.

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It seems my friend did call, and did leave a message.  Just today, and he had already called the police.  We will have to discuss this.

Oh, on another matter...  I have been, over time, from time to time, looking for tallow.  I don't care if it is "grass fed", for it all is.  I specifically do not want it coming from "organic" beef, all beef is organic.  I certainly am not interested in paying $5-$10 an ounce.  Who in their right mind would even consider that?  Insane.  Foolish.  Well... the other day, I found a site selling tallow.  I looked it over, reviewed the site, looked at price per weight, hemmed and hawed for a bit, but finally pulled the trigger.  It is on the way.  I bought enough to use some for cooking... I'm thinking french fries, the old McDonalds recipe when they used a portion of tallow along with another fat, or mix.  But also, I would like to finally make pemmican.  I may even try to scare up the right cuts of beef to make my own jerky.  Either in the over or on the grill.  I would like to, eventually, create an outdoor jerky stand... with fly netting, but otherwise open to the sun and wind.  I'll need several bags of dried fruits, say... cranberries, cherries, and maybe mango or some such.  This is incentive for me to go hiking, or snowshoeing, or such.  Too rich to eat just as a snack, mostly, I have to think.  It would offer trail food that doesn't need to, but can be, heated... is light... doesn't go bad... and just works... more so when burning a lot of calories.  Remember, on the trail, what is usually missing in a diet is fat.  If the tallow is good, I'll pass on the link to the store.  The price was quite right, four packs adding to 108 oz., right at $30.  Shipping was a little spendy, but not being able to find tallow locally, and compared to organic, an outright steal.  One tub of less than a pound was being offered for more than that and the shipping... I hadn't even looked at their shipping costs though, so... double or triple the cost and shipping, at less than a seventh of the product, and before shipping costs were included?  Yeah, no.

I had to turn up the furnace, if that isn't helping greatly.  While I noted that it is warm, for the season, I didn't mention that my body is not able to keep warm, not well.  Still, a little extra environmental warmth does help, or might.  I think I can get on to chores, the cold isn't oppressing me that way.  I actually like it, and would be truly enjoying it save that it being cold generally slows me down.  It's a happy sleepy healing sort of guilty pleasure, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot, in the way of a working schedule though.  Hmm... I might try another trick.  Being warm is not favored, but it is more convenient for action.  And... I intend on action. 

While I am moving slowly, things have happened.  From the faucet to the garage, to... many things.  I might not be able to get to things as quickly, for myself, as I would like.  I am getting targets completed.  I was actually pleased with what I have done in these last few years.  The pace, these last few months, have picked up.  Always up and down, of course.  Not all is written, just flavors.  And while the mood has it's own problems, it isn't so much of an inference as a flavor.  Either my body works or it doesn't.  When it doesn't, I can go blue.  Though, that can happen at any moment.  Just like being quite pleased with life right through downtimes.  Just a flavor, sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter, but more often than not a bit of each.  All good.  I best get to things. 

A clear mind is a wonderful thing.

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Again, today, the mind is good.  Sleep was fine.  I am hoping, today, to push on into a bit more work than I was able to do yesterday.  I can't yet tell if that will happen.  I was sure yesterday would see me to it, so I won't make any suggestions about today.  Finishing the last of the old dishes, setting up another set of dishes, perhaps a load of laundry, and then some cleaning in the bathroom and kitchen.  Oh, and a shower in there somewhere.  I think I can, I think I can, I... doubt it.  :p

The paperwork I was looking for was found.  And it was found in not only the last place I looked, but the first place too!  So, actually, in the morning, I need to make my way to town.  Groceries, business, and a some banking, I think.  And then see about my friend.  I would like to get out shooting.  The weather, for me, is quite warm.  It's only been in the low 40's for the lows!  Then again, it has only been getting near 50 for the highs, and with little sun.  It is probably too cold for my friend.  Still, a meal, maybe getting him out shopping.  He called to police to do a health check on me.  We are going to have to talk about that.  Especially since it doesn't show that he has tried to call.  Leave a message, don't call the police.  Yes, yes, I was pleasant.  They were just doing their jobs.  My friend really should know, by now... I don't get to die.  Not... yet.  He should have known me back when I slept for months at a time, many months.  I was a perpetual stranger to even those who knew me well.  A ghost of flesh.

It does feel good to be feeling good.  The, to me, spring weather is quite a treat as well.  There is no juice from the sun, when it does appear, but with or without the sun, it is still pretty good.  I am simply hoping to push on through to more activity.  Technically this is still hibernation time for me, so that I am trying, even succeeding from time to time, is a good thing.  Oh, and it is absolutely wonderful to, for the first time since living here, have a kitchen faucet that has full flow.  And a tall one, that I can fill a 24 quart stockpot for cleaning or with reverse osmosis water with ease.  Even my bathroom sink faucet now flows at full pace.  I merely need to work on the drains, now.  The bathroom drain doesn't keep up with the flow at all, and sometimes inexplicably just stops draining... probably needs a bit of minor work near the trap.  Something lodged in there, or... something.  The drain in the kitchen sink, while held in place by duct tape still leaks, badly with high flow, so I am going to have to fix that.  I could just duct tape around, but I don't like that.  Hmm... one more thing to put on my list for when I go to town.

Wonderful, people.  I am feeling good, the weather is keen especially for the time of year, I have plans and means to potentially see these things done... I even called the V.A. back.  They called and wanted to know when to deliver the insulin.  Straight-away, suggested I!  And, so, tomorrow?  That would be fast.  All good.  A squirrel in a cage, often enough.  But I do okay for not doing so well.  Later.

I did get a bit done.

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Not nearly what I had hoped.  The mind was clear but the body was heavy.  Some of the dishes, and I reset the others.  I did collect what else needs to be washed.  A small amount of picking things up and tossing or sorting them.  Just little things, mostly.  But it was directional work, heading toward my goals, rather than a smattering of unrelated chores and tasks.

A fine dinner.

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Grilled chops.  Nothing more.  Good enough.  Fresh pork and a hot grill make for a very good marriage.  The chops were right at medium doneness.  Usually I prefer pork a bit more done, but things have changed that way.  And, overdone pork is quite dry.  A very nice meal indeed.  I have several left over.  Hmm, I need to remember to buy potatoes.  I haven't gotten to more work yet, but it will happen.

After eating, I went back to reading.  The Irrational Atheist is the actual title of the book.  It is a reasonably good read.  I am now about 30% through the book.  I seem to be in the middle of the chapters about religion as it pertains to war, and how they are not connected.  Urhm.  Who knew?  Yeah, I know.  The notion is out there, and became entrenched deeply in the minds and imaginations of many.  I understand why this was hit, and hard, and from many angles.  My only problem is that, after years of reading the author's blog, I had come around to the understanding.  So, it's sort of old news.  It is very good reading, but I have covered this area.  Still, I won't skip ahead, as a more detailed look isn't a bad thing.

While I do agree, that religion is not (save for islam), a factor in choosing war... directly... I do think there are aspects of religion, real faiths (islam is excluded, being a cult), that cut both ways with regards to war.  Religion can be seen as a number of things.  A base of explanation for the otherwise unwieldy realities of life, a source of hope in dark times, a source of education in the mundane, health and fitness, psychological, as well as spiritual essence of what it means to be human(ish) and alive, and many other things.  A good faith, it is hoped, will tend to lead individuals to a right relationship with themselves, each other, their governments, even in how they treat livestock.  Some hope is that religion leads people to a place of greater, but responsible, freedom.  Defining faith is akin to defining science, I am just doing a quick jab and splash, though I think it should do.

If faith plays a part regarding war, it is through the installation of some level of obedience to the literal or figurative king and country.  This allows that some will go when called, and serve in a war.  However, it also creates a reluctance to war in the first place.  While many served in WW I, WW II, Korea, Vietnam, and the Middle East, it was with some reluctance.  In WW II, and I suspect WW I, lots of trickery was used by the US government to get enough people to go along with the notion of going to war.  Papered over now, but that's the truth.  Civilians, for example, were loaded onto ships, laden with war materials, and sent into enemy waters.  For all we know, the location of the ships was even relayed to enemy submarines.  Don't put it past them, FDR or any of them.  A war is good for re-election prospects, and for seizing power.  In this case, religion is a dual edged sword, cutting both ways. 

One thing about a solid faith, in my opinion a Christian faith, is it leads people financial and other success.  It just does.  There is room for mistakes without them becoming damning or maddening.  There is a way back, to the very last moment of life.  There are rules of engagement, both within and without the particular branch of Christianity.  Most are quite benign.  Actually, the worst thing called for by most Christianity is the turning of backs.  Even excommunication isn't that severe, being more of an educational opportunity, allowing a fallen away participant time to consider if what they did or promote is worth being without communal blessings.  The only thing more severe is merely the allowance that a person has a right, and duty really, to defend life.  That life might be their own, another person's life, as a group or individually.  There really isn't a place for war on religious grounds, merely self-defense.  It is corruption that attempts to use the faithful as weapons.  Actually, I would have to look more closely at the wars which were considered religious based to see if those were actually based on opposing faiths, or corruptions of those faiths.

Then again, not all faiths are good, or have an intent and design that makes sense in some ways.  A pagan religion, for example, where blood sacrifice (human) is part of the religion, is... a bit different.  From Vikings to Aztec, there were many such religions.  The only thing like that today is islam, which I also set aside from real faiths.  Not that these aren't religions, only that they are not what religion is considered in these times.  There is some understanding that islam is trying to create the illusion and belief that it is a benevolent faith, but... it just can't quite pull that off.  Every time they try, they behead someone, a bunch of people, gang rape a city or region of women and children, burn someone alive, send one of their people to blow themselves and a bunch of other people up, force people to convert and murder them anyway, or some other thing that makes it absolutely clear that they are not a religion, aren't peaceful, probably aren't capable of it.  Something is just off with that cult.  It is burned into it's adherents, and they become psychopathic through it.  So, I don't even include it as a faith.

Just... taking notes.  After the fact, and not complete, or completely thought out.  Not even really a review, more a... my thoughts from what I have read so far.  I am hoping to review a few things from the book (fact check), read the rest of it, take notes perhaps from time to time in this way, and... then set up an actual review.  I don't always agree, or I see problems beyond what is written.  But those are difficult to ferret out if I don't take notes right when I notice them.  The author puts up a solid defense, and I think it is good, if there are a few weak points in the defense.  I'd like to check those.  It's... what I do.  Or, what I like to do?  No... it's innate.  That I, sometimes, happen to like it is beside the fact.  Pleasure, often, for me, is the blessing I receive for the curse I also received.  It's just the way it is.

Later.

It is turning into a working night.

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Even with a clear mind, it takes a bit before I realize I am awake and can begin doing something with that fortunate event.  Tinkering with the smartphone sort of started it.  After being frustrated with it, and finding nothing else remotely useful as to advice, I relaxed for a bit.  Then it just sort of came to me.  I have some things I want to do, which requires other things to be done, so it was time to do something in order to do other things.

I reset dishes, just needing a hot rinse and then being dried.  There was a pot that needed washed, but first the contents had to be dealt with.  Yeah, the lid kept the smell in.  I lost track of that one.  To do that I wanted to be able to take the trash right out, which meant the barrels had to come back.  So I did that.  Now that pot is sitting in a hot soapy soak, but in the kitchen sink this time, not in the tub.  The smell wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Still, good to have it out and the pot soaking.  Remnants of the last corned beef I made. 

While I was at it, I both made several assessments for what order to begin cleaning.  The kitchen is primary.  I would like to tinker with some foods and need clean spaces, both for mechanical necessities as well as mind comfort.  It really does have to be, feel, seem, right for me to engage in some projects.  The bathroom is next.  It needs a good solid, top to bottom, sweep and mop, cleaning.  The floors in the kitchen, while I am at the sweeping and mopping, could certainly use some attention.  Before the floor, I'll want to figure out the last of the boxes and packing material.  And, probably in there with that, there is a spot I want to work out on the living room carpet.  My mother suggested a cleaner she uses.  I'll give that a try.  Then, as other parts of the home are cleaned, the goal is to unzip the living room, when the spot is dry... straighten, move or remove things, vacuum, then a whole carpet steam vac.  Yeah, I'm still thinking I can get that knocked out, maybe this week. 

After that, either some project, like arranging the workbench/shop, setting up the bench stool for that, and getting the heater to work for the first time.  Perhaps just, if the cleaning goes well, move on into my bedroom finally, cleaning that out.  Or, maybe, a trip up into the mountains, with snowshoes and a willingness to learn by failure.  It's the only way.  Who knows.  But this week will be tied up in those listed items.  Oh, and finding some paperwork.  Bleh.  I hate looking for something that should be "right there!".  I guarantee it will be in the last place I look. 

Ah, but after my little spit of work, I realized I was hungry.  So... I lit the grill.  I've got meat thawed and otherwise ready.  Should work.  Later.

The trouble with smartphones.

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I have been tinkering on the thing since I bought it.  Attempting to get, or force, it to do, or not do, this or that.  There is a plethora of advice out there.  Some of it is good, some of it works, much of it doesn't.  Some of it is probably destructive and ill advised.  You simply don't know who is writing the advice or what their real intent is.  Even those who have good intentions may not have a clue about what they are discussing.  While switching this, changing that, and adding this other thing seems to work, what else does it do?  I have great doubts if the engineers and software designers really know, at any given time, what causes a bug or problem and how best to fix it.  They, too, are often short-sighted.  Not always, but often enough.

While I did fix the stylus, and that worked for a short while, it is beginning to act up again.  The screen interaction indicates that there is too much sensitivity.  As I get the stylus near the screen, it begins interacting, but not at the points, or in the ways, I want.  It's like having a pen that leaks, while trying to write a letter by hand.  Uhrm, you do remember how to write, don't you?  It is slowly reverting back to prefix.  And yet, as I mess with the settings, I don't get the same results as the first time.  One very slight twist more on the potentiometer and the stylus loses all function.

I suspect the phone is buggy, but I also suspect it is hacked.  Just being on, and near a computer, or other wi-fi, bluetooth, or other communication devices can leave the device open for hacking.  Not even counting that Verizon misuses your device and contract, spies on your activities, opens you up to government(s if they do it for the U.S. gov, why not others... any government in which they have access I could easily presume) intrusions.  Further, these are governments we are talking about.  Just how good are they at getting in, doing their sniffing, and getting out without leaving those holes open for others, or outright just allowing favored criminals access.  What does a bureaucrat malfeasance cost these days?  Not much if I had to guess.

Yes, this will be the last smartphone.  As soon as the contract is up, it's gone.  It simply isn't worth the hassle.  For now I have decided to simply remove the battery pack unless it is in use, or at the ready, for a call.  I should adjust my plan to fit general non-use until then.  Simply not worth the hassle.  And, you know what?  I have never needed a cell phone, ever, come to think of it.  As to roadside or emergency?  You don't need a phone with a plan, just a phone with a charged battery.  It'll still dial emergency numbers, 911 for sure.  I don't have anyone else I could call anyway.  Dump the expensive junk, unless you have a real need or want, and don't mind the hassle and intrusions.

The hell of waking, some "mornings".

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It isn't so much the waking part.  Sleep was grand.  It is raining lightly, has been all night, perfect sleep weather.  I was tired enough, but not too tires, so sleep was good.  No disturbing dreams, or even unremembered resonances from them.  Waking was easy enough, even if the alarm did the dirty work.  I am not even sore or stiff.  I have no headache.  The mind does seem to be clearing.  Life seems good.  What is the problem?  I started on my blog rounds.  It seems like many bloggers took a deep step off the usual path and dipped into my general area, prognosticating doom, casting aspersions at a broken culture and civil nature by pointing out the failings of the new young generation, and all sorts of firecasting.  Wow!  Nice!  You have to be Doom to understand those last bits.  Never mind.

Something about the youth not knowing their state reps, something about it being leftists who don't vaccinate their children, having my comments avoided (though I'm used to that), seeing people get a grasp of the fact that their vote at this time is worth everything most of them have paid for it...  And more comments from me.  Can you blame the young, or anyone, who has tuned out of politics.  It is plain to see that politicians haven't even been pretending to listen to the electorate for at least a decade now.  I still argue that if enough people stayed home on election day, it would incapacitate the government.  Voting sure isn't helping.  Though too, this generation is the babyboomer II generation, and seems to be back with a vengeance.  Thankfully they are a small group.  Companies are avoiding that generation as long as they can.  Worthless, maleducated, "social justice"/green/etc. activists, expect they deserve work without the commitment to doing it competently, etc.  Go figure.  As to lefties not vaccinating their kids?  That is actually one very small good thing.  It means, on one very tiny issue, they are choosing for themselves.  If Zero sides with mandatory vaccinations, though, they will flip in a second probably.  They are like lighbulbs, with a switch.  They give the government they supposedly hate the controls, while doing everything they can to allow that government the power to flip any switch it wants.  Etc.  Yes, I commented.  Not sure why.  It isn't just the 18-34 crowd that has tuned out, they are just more obvious about it.

Huh?  I don't know, I just woke up.  :p

The day has potential!  Later.

On the cusp of waking up.

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No, not mechanically.  I've been awake all evening, technically.  I mean something is changing, or becoming a potential.  I've been in a waking sleep the last bit of time.  Oh, I've been active.  Eating, cleaning, reading, and such... but in low-key way, almost more drifting than functioning.  There has usually been intent, but it has been difficult to apply that.  Between being mid-winter, even with the warm temps, medicine worries, and a few other things, it is simply difficult to focus.  That might be changing, or I am nearing the surface of a sort of awakening.  I have to watch my p's and q's, though it might not matter.  Sometimes, just as with actual physical sleep, I near the surface of wakefulness but don't quite reach it.  It is nice to understand, even from the sleepy side of things, though.  This is a new feature.  There have been months lost to that fog, where I remember nothing.  Perhaps, in total, five of the last 20 years, perhaps more.  The memory isn't completely lost, always.  It's just that something external has to call me to a particular memory if that memory was actually stored.

It is 42 this morning, give or take.  It is supposed to get to 47 or 49 or something.  Odd.  I would have thought... well, if it is partly cloudy, I guess I could see that.  February third and May like weather?  It has been a warm winter.  Very strange, nonetheless.  The MidWest and further West is getting it heavier than usual, so there is that.  I don't mind the mild winter.  It sure beats shoveling three times a weak.  Shoveling, or blow snow, is fun a few times, the first time for sure.  Repetition, especially in quick order, quickly causes the novelty to fade.

Ah, I did figure out a problem, and, mostly, solved it.  The stylus on my smartphone was too sensitive.  Now, from time to time, it has been better and worse.  I assume that firmware updates change, or reset, something.  And there may be more to it.  I decided to look for a way to fix it.  I found a way.  The stylus has a panel that can be removed.  Mine was so fragile that it fell apart in removing though.  Underneath it are two potentiometers.  One of them is for sensitivity.  I altered, as per instructions, and now I have a better performing stylus, if I need to figure a way to cover that gap.  Bleh.  Always something.  Scotch tape sounds about right... no... that always curls up on the edges then gums everything up.  I'll figure something out.  Hmm... perhaps just a thin piece of heavy paper or thin cardboard, cut to fit.  Yes, that might be the way.

Not much else.  I might even go to bed shortly.  Right now is not the time to be trying to force a schedule change, I think.  Not quite yet.  Good night/day.

Tonight?

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I don't know what I might do, save two things.  I have been reading lately.  Slowly.  No, I read fast enough, it is just reconnecting back to the book has been slow.  A chapter or two a day.  But it does give me time to think.  Hmm...  I ought to put a paper and pen with it, to take notes.  The book I am currently reading was written by Vox, Atheist... something or other.  It is an enjoyable read, and easy read as regards the technical aspect of reading.  And it is interesting.  I doubt if I am a quarter of the way through after several days.  No fault to the author, it's just how I seem to have to do things, at least sometimes.  The benefit, as I mentioned, is time to think.  I will be starting another book.  Photovoltaic Design & Installation for Dummies.  I have tried to find online resources.  I think too many people who write on the topic are either hippies and know and do but have no writing mojo, or are corporate types who don't want you to even touch it.  I simply haven't found good online resources.  I will definitely be taking notes.

It has been a while since I tinkered with mathematics, electronics, home electric, or any such.  That I don't know what I do and don't know will fix itself through the exploration, if I do it pen to paper, taking notes and doing the math.  The math shouldn't be a problem, but it is a skill and a rusty one.  But all the math should well be within my competency.  This time I am not reading for theory, or some far flung notion.  The idea is to actually manipulate the mathematics myself in order to design a small system without blindly following someone's design, or just hunting and pecking my way through, and then build that design.  Initially, what I am exploring, is a simple 12 v, unknown amp (though 30a seems reasonable), system which I can use to explore as to use.  I would, eventually, like to have a small system configured to: have lighting and a few other things in the henhouse; have a backup source of electricity for the blower on my furnace; power the vent fans in my three attics from one rig.  Most of these are probably very small units.  None of them will need 30 amps, I don't think.  Depending on the vent fans, and just what it is I want in the henhouse.  Though I would also like to have it rigged so as to test a dc humidified/swam cooler, more immediately.

The swamp cooler is for a trip.  The desert, especially deeper desert, is a bit rough.  A little cool wet air does a body good.  But more, should electricity drop, having something to help cool the already cool stone home I inhabit would add a great deal of comfort in the summer.  It would probably work in any home, in a more arid region, but it will most likely do wonders for my home, which already stays about 15-20 degrees cooler than the outside and more, depending on certain variables.  Not having to rely on a fragile electrical supply just adds relief to the mind.

Ah, I remembered Mother's Day.  Yeah, I know, it's a ways off.  But I knew I would forget, and during that time I may be otherwise busy and pushing finances.  So...  I ordered my mother a couple of items in advance.  I called her tonight, so that she would know they are on the way, and to make sure if they don't fit, or she doesn't like them, to feel free to send them back for something she does like.  With spring not far off, a warm vest and a seasonally lighter sweater.  Oh, but colors are difficult to select.  She may return them just based on that.  As I told her, for probably one the first times in my life, I was early with something.  She got a kick out of it.

So... whatever else I happen to do tonight, I will continue reading the one book and begin reading, taking notes, and doing some math, with the other.  I am hoping to finish off the dishes, clean the kitchen, bring the bins back from the curb, and perhaps sort out the boxes and stuff that needs to go.  That should be enough.  If I get that done, or when I get those things done, I will begin planning a trip to town.  Oh, and throughout those considerations, I am getting back into the kind of shape to begin chasing the morning, switching back to the daytime schedule.  This, that, and the other.  Slow, but sure if I keep at it.  Later.

Wonderful small skit dreams.

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Recall is weak, mostly based on remnant feelings and general ideas.  In the last few months I have had wonderful experiences with a number of women.  Oh, no, I've maintained a real and even psychic chastity.  A fine flirt is quite acceptable, mind you.  Further, not all of these women would necessarily by on my list.  No, these experiences were simple interactions that turned into something a bit more.  When you see someone, and then see that they are alive in there, and then see that they wish to speak to you as two people alive.  Then, when it is a woman.  Refreshments for the soul.  That is what the dreams were about.  As I wake, I remember some of the experiences.  Life can be quite fine.

That, somehow, is mixed with the memories of my various deaths.  Not a literal mixture, more as if through one eye I see the wonder of the feminine, from an appreciative male eye, through the other eye I see the memory of death, the two not to be combined.  I have written how difficult dying is.  Few know that.  It wounds the mind and spirit, bruises, cuts, tears.  Naked and alone can be understood fully in no other way.  Your true frailty, your powerlessness in the grind of the universe, and some other things, will only be seen there, then.  I suspect, if you know nothing of God or more have chosen ill, death is probably much worse.  However, if you have known God better than I at those times, and chosen Him much more surely, death won't be quite as horrible.  Still, most will only know that once, and for good reason.  It is a terrible burden to bear so many such memories.

Such bitter sweet sensations come from the two notions in such close proximity.  I happen to think the link is more than coincidental.  As I have mentioned, sisters came to me when I was dying and lost.  In those days, I suspect, I was so focused on doing some things that only after I had been defeated was I mild enough to be approachable.  The wild feckless fearless horror of what I was and, perhaps needed to be, made me too hard to handle otherwise.  Even then, it was women of the same nature, made by the sins of man and self, or born like me, but of feminine origins, who were able to approach.  To touch the hem of the cloak of power, in a blind faith.  I know this thing.  In these cases, both were healed.  A lesser man than He, but no slight one either.

I have no idea what I just wrote.  Hope it makes some sense to someone.  I need some coffee, I need to wake, and then I'll figure some of this out or set it aside for now if I can't get to it.  Wisps of feelings, memories, the horror of a trapped animal in a burning enclosure, and the fine feel of the nature of woman, all combined into a... moment.  My heart aches, weeps, and yet bubbles with delight, all at the same time.  Later.

Trash then crash.

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I haven't gotten further, on anything.  But I did want to get the trash to the curb, and recycling.  It sounded like too much effort for the mood.  That is beside the point.  The trash barrel was nearly full because of the garage cleanup.  Just enough room for the bag, plus a part of another bag filled by policing and changing the litter.  I went further.  Rather than just collecting normal recycling, I tore through the boxes in the kitchen.  The recycling bin was rather full as well, so I couldn't do the boxes in the computer room.  But I did sort, keeping three boxes, tearing down the rest, and deflating the airbag fillers they use.  Quite a lot of them to go through.  Two completely full grocery bags of nothing but deflated plastic airbags.  Out, all of it, and to the curb.

Oh, there is more policing to do, more boxes... which I will not move to the kitchen.  Though, this time, I might sort, tear down, and deflate as I do that.  I do like having room to move in the kitchen, and too many things piled up...  If I keep this up, I'll never make it to the horders hall of shame!  Yeah, but they can collect quickly, boxes and such.  It isn't like I am saving them, I simply have limits on what I can get done in a given amount of time.  Dealing with boxes isn't the highest priority.  It's there, it just isn't at a level that gets attention until it's, well, in a pile. 

I'm not tired, or worn, or anything.  I just can't focus.  I am probably just going to go to bed.  It feels as if I have been driving through fog all night.  It's draining.  I could stay up, I just, almost literally, can't see a reason to do so.  Hmm... I might go ahead and gather boxes, and take them to the kitchen.  But I probably won't fuss with them too much.  Perhaps sort out another keeper or two, and organize the throw/break-down pile... putting the airbags into that pile... for now.  Yes, I just contradicted myself, twice.  About doing nothing else, and about dealing with the bags and boxes right when I move them.  I can count, and remember!  Mostly.  That's how living in fog goes.

Good night... day to you regular people.

Gently, mostly, just being.

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Even in here there are sharp edges, pointy things, and bad vibes.  Muted, of course, in the painless dance of psychic resonances.  I am doing this and that, and more, slowly.  Real things.  The first bag to go out is ready, dishes have been messed with and readied, coffee was made.  But these things are being drifted through, as if a ghost was gifted with flesh but was doing these things in the way ghosts often do what all else they do.  Floating, without thought, minus intent.

Doing well, I suppose.

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The cave has gotten very messy.  Tasks, chores, and down time, have all been taking what I have.  I need to get back to some state of mind in which I can work, and then set that time aside for cleaning.  The thing is, there is always something I have to do.  Simple needs, like food, perishables, business.  And then the mind wanders.  I think more mechanical or technical, with domestics running a smooth last, behind a dozen other thoughts.  Domestics are as unnatural to me as the day is.  Actually, I can do days more easily, when I can do days.

I took a nap rather than trying to push through.  Now that I have my medicine, I can set them up fully for a couple of weeks, perhaps a month.  That should help me get back to a more stable schedule, perhaps a day schedule again before too long.  I'm going to have to fight for days.  They simply aren't easy for me to maintain, solo.  Still, after rearranging my medicine, and from time to time, I have been doing much better at getting to, and staying on, days.  It's when I have to push and pinch out time and effort when my body isn't ready for it that things go end over tails.  It's just going to happen sometimes.

A shower, the nap, I don't know what tonight will bring.  I am hoping to begin clearing and cleaning.  The trash needs to go out, and recycling too I think.  I have a load of dishes to finish, and more after that if those can go into the sink.  I remember what I finally did to solve the lack of function regarding the drain plugs... I used smaller plastic basins in the sink.  I may still have those, though maybe not.  I need to measure the sink for the next time I am in town.  Simple, effective, relatively inexpensive.  Have drain plugs ever worked?  I have bought four different kinds since living here and none of them work.

Cleaning, I think, if anything, is the goal for tonight, and for the next week.  I do have some business to attend, but I need to find one more piece of paperwork.  Well, there is some other business.  Two will require a visit to local offices, during daylight office hours and one will require a phone call.  I will be ordering beef, but later in the month.  It takes about three weeks for them to process it, so I will order into the second week so as to hit the first of next month, or close enough.  I've been spending too much, too fast.  So I will be slowing down on that.  Wasteful spending, in some small part, too.  Foolish.  So easy though!

On to something or other.  Ah, waking!  First I have to wake.  Then I can figure the rest out.  Good day... or night.