Freezing, but shouldn't be.

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It is, was, 12° F out there.  It dropped to 6° to 8°.  It really does often cool just at dawn.  That shouldn't be a problem.  I had thought I had acclimated to winter temperatures.  Something in the air is different.  Drier?  Or wetter, but cold enough to change how it feels?  I thought I might lose fingers or toes when watering the ducks shortly after waking.

I have started the grill, for beef delights, compliments to my brother.  Even dressed well for the cold it really hit me.  Even with the grill going, deliciously warm, glowing a bright orange, the cold is too intense to find a reprieve from regardless how close I get to the grill.  Still, warm food, especially meat, and hot fatted coffee, will have to be the payoff.

So, am I freezing because of health, medicine, or just a special weather situation?  I can't know.  It might be a bit of each.  Never mind, supper will fix it, I hope.  If not, perhaps getting to dishes and a shower may.  If all else fails, bundling to sleep should work.  Good night, well and morning... day.

Oofta. Watch what you eat!

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Lost in the medicine restart, I must not have put the chicken away in time.  Just the razor's edge of bad, but I got it.  I realized it at the second bite.  Texture... slightly too yielding, spongy.  Hungry as I was I quit immediately.  Not fast enough if... it could have been worse, would definitely have been worse if I hadn't the will and knowledge.

As is, three tortoise sprints to the facilities through sleep.  So tired, but the horror of the option, on a real timer counting down...  I wouldn't call any race fast, merely suggest they were all fast enough.  I may keep the bedpan up there, just in case.  If, because of it's nature, that would be an absolute last resort if no other option were available.

The first event tore me from sleep so quickly and violently that everything hurt.  Getting up quickly, from the floor, before my body had time to warm, stretch, prepare, was also part of it.  Not that it was all that fast, just faster than those things could happen.  I took a handful of aspirin.  It took from the first event at twenty thirty to waking at zero thirty for the stuff to work.

My second food event for the season.  The other I thought would see me in the ER.  I used Carolina reaper flecks in menudo... a Mexican tripe and hominy soup.  Hot!  Most folk can't go there.  I also have ghost pepper flakes, but to my tastes, the Carolina's are hotter.

Anyway, Sam was being bother, so I went all expressive vocally and with face and body.  Forgetaboutit!  Down my spoon went, into da soupa.  Uppa came a droppa da stuff, inna my eye!  Wow.  You think the tongue can be a wuss!  Everything everywhere in that area screamed.  I didn't know there were that many finely sensitive nerve receptors anywhere.  Wowsa!

As soon as I could think, I decided to rinse it.  But!  Water makes it worse, dairy makes it better... in the mouth.  But washing the eye with raw cream, with living cultures?  Water.  If that failed, I had a back up plan.  That I was able to think that clearly in that much pain?  Then again, as mentioned, I am... quite familiar with pain, lots and lots, extremely deep, pain.  Pain isn't my middle name, it is a price for humility.  Humility won't save me, but it can help see the narrow way easier.

I haven't had this much trouble with food since the girlfriend who kept poisoning me.  Actually I think there were several.  Three bad apples, peaches?, in an orchard, given that there was an orchard instead of a pair, pear?, isn't bad.  Hmm?  Thinking way out loud, my little chucklebunnies.

The soup had also been piping hot.  I like doubling down in some areas.  So I was worried.  Sure, I have touched something I bet was 1000° (the stainless grill engulfed in the fire and sitting on red coals for ten minutes on a hot day), and not burned.  But besides being mechanically hot, this was chemically hot, and involving, essentially, an interal organ.  I was just hoping the damage wouldn't be permanent.

*slush flush*  just one go, then to see, or try, literally.  Hmm?  No... problem.  None.  I still flushed three or four more times.  Then toweled off and went on my way as if nothing had happened.  No pain, redness, sensitivity, itchiness... nothing.  My eye hasn't felt better in years.  All good.  Sometimes I wonder if I am human.  Sometimes I simply know better.

Later.

Still rather empty.

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Medicine.  It takes a toll.  I have no idea when I go to sleep or wake.  Sometimes I wake too hot or cold, but can do nothing but suffer until sleep returns, hoping no damage will be done.  Numb, mostly, but pain is returning.  That is actually a good thing.  Without pain, I can't react to it.  And I'm not quite alive.  It's a dangerous situation.

I think I was awake until 13:00 to 14:00.  It was a haul, but I made it.  Sometime in the mid to later afternoon (?) I heard the lawn tractor being started, unsuccessfully.  I had some concerns, so went down.  He hadn't tried to charge the old battery, putting in the new.  He was having trouble even so.  I thought he had already put the new starter wire in, but... not.

A bit of talk.  I checked the old battery.  It was down, but just to 70%.  I put it on 2 amp charge, expecting an overnight charging cycle, if just an ignorant guess.  Still, that was the lowest charge rate.  Then went back out.  We discussed new parking arrangements, and some other things while he tinkered with the machine.  His pop drove by, we waved, so he stopped by for a bit.

Some things sorted, a lawnmower removal request, oh, and I asked if he would pick up my Christmas pack from my mom.  I've been stuck, here at home, in more ways than one, for... a while.  Pretty much since starting medicine.  In gratitude I gladly shared out some of the goodies.  It is good to share out a bit anyway.  I checked the battery as he went to the post for me.  Fully charged!

After, I crashed until midnight thirty.  I have been roughly up since.  Trying to get back to work.  Mostly just... thinking on the notion.  Gaming can help kickstart getting going.  Unfortunately the game I am trying to use has too steep of a learning curve to really dig in very deeply, while being all I have available, so...  Well, and is extremely stressful to play solo, if probably worse in groups.  I just drift between attempting to read and make sense of blogs and news sources, getting wrekt gaming, writing, and listening to music.

The ducks and girls have been tended.  Dishes are set up, but will need a lot of work.  Which needs to happen as I need a shower.  I am hoping to get at least a washing, so I can set them out and shower before resetting them.  Always something.  An attempt at... more gaming? news? blog reading?  Unless I crash.  Later.

A pleasant Christmas meal.

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The chicken was correctly done and still juicy.  I only had cranberries with the second meal.  It was amazing.  As with holidays, often, I ended up eating a bit too much.

I won't get to any work, other than putting the chicken away.  Tomorrow, or soon, I will be back to more.  Medicine is still plundering energy and will.  To have a Christmas meal, pretty much on Christmas day, will do nicely as for... if a minor... success.  I will get the girls and ducks food, water, and else, before going to bed.  Instead of their usual snacks, the ladies received chicken meat earlier.

Good night and day.

Making my move.

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I had hoped to clean the oven, then roast a chicken, on Christmas day.  Two out of three, given my schedule, with the possibility of all three and dishes?  Maybe.

I missed cleaning the oven as a first thing.  It is too psychically foggy to keep everything ordered, even often on good days.  So be it.  I started the oven.  At some point there is no easy way to change directions.  Cooling off the oven, at that point, then cleaning it, then... no.  Just... just no.

Hit a wall.

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I had been putting life back together.  Work was beginning.  Then the last few days... nothing.  I don't remember... what has been happening?  Anything?  I had to stop and think...  Ah, medicine.  I am nearly on full dose.  Started Monday.  It seemed to be going well until it wasn't.  At some point everything went blank.  Well, and meds are inverted, due to the sleep schedule.  I take morning pills at night, when I wake up, so the waterpills can work while I am awake.  And they work, if I need three to work.

Blood sugar is high, at 178 fasting.  It is a combination of not eating enough or often enough, and higher doses of one or all heart medicines.  Perhaps the waterpills push something out?  I'll keep at it as able.  It was down to 84 yesterday, for no good reason.  Bleh.

Mostly numb, if I can tell pain is back in behind that.  Medicine related.  I will have to slowly pull out of the numbness, dealing with intense pain, until I get beyond both, mostly.  It is just how these things work.  For good or ill, it is keeping me alive.  And as little as I can do when fully medicated and beyond the worst of it, it is more, better.  I only fell off trying to increase dosage to trim the last bit of problematic blood pressure, mind you.  Too much or too little and that is that.

At least there is no need for painkillers yet.  Sleep and wake cycles are mostly in check, reasonable, if inverted.  I'll make it.  I did check, looks like I have been taking my medicine.  It is easy to lose doses in the fog.  Not yet.  I get through this stage quicker if I don't miss doses.  Hard to remember in the fog, but worth the effort.  It's like trying to leave notes for a future forgetful self, where you will probably be and when and while you might be more aware... without overdoing it.  Too much, as with storm warnings, and it just gets tuned out.

I will try to get to dishes tonight, and chicken!  It's just a little turkey you know.

She must be alone too.

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A few songstresses as proxy.  Yeah... I can see that.  She is flirting on my wave length, stroking my cortex, stirring the testosterone system from port to stiff.

Happy Christmas Eve

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I woke just as it switches.  I didn't get out shopping, but had found lamb chops at a reasonable price last time, and thawed it and a chicken.  The chicken for tomorrow.  No work was done, mostly, earlier.  I may work on the oven tonight, and try to clear dishes for use, but nothing else.

Blood sugar is a bit high at 168 fasting.  Only two meals does that.  I will grill the chops shortly.  And check the ducks.  It was 36° F or warmer earlier.  Quite nice.  A heat wave.  I greatly doubt that remains, but even 25° is a heat wave this winter.  If it is warmer, it is much easier to change their water.

As mentioned, a chicken is for tomorrow... if it thaws in time.  I... have methods, if they aren't preferred.  No cranberry?  Actually I just might have bought an extra.  Nope, I have two cans!  And the whole berry type!  *blush*  I must have bought and forgot.  I can have a real Christmas dinner... uhrm, whenever it might happen.  Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner this year?  Noice.  I may not deserve it, I won't worry about that.  Then again, who actually does deserve it?  I... wouldn't raise my hand if you aren't walking on water.

Merry Christmas too, by the time I post.  Be well.

Up early.

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The new early is late?  Around 21:30.  Crashed at 15:30, after taxes, duties, and fees.  Six hours down, since I crashed asleep immediately.  After thanking God for the opportunity to successfully serve His wishes, will.  I don't know that He wants, say, for me to clean house.  But I do believe He wants us to live well, rightly.  If we can't, to strive to do so.  And humbly, with a smile.  I ought to find good whistling tunes.

If it hurts the whole time, make those pains oblations.  He knows, and He suffered both first and best.  Not asking for that, necessarily.  If there isn't a way around suffering in flesh, whether heaven or hell bound, at this time.  It is just that if you are hellbound there will never be a reprieve.  Pain becomes, if blindly as a secondary target, the or a goal.  For the heavenbound, pain is a teacher, an offering, a thing to embrace so as to know well enough to one day release, letting go of as with sin and death.

Anyway.  Today?  I am not sure.  Perhaps hitting dishes.  Then seeing about a load of laundry.  If a store is open, perhaps seeking a cornish game hen, and associated feast vittles.  I keep sweeping the bathroom.  Now that it is clean, I am trying to keep it, as if finding a spot of sanity and serenity in an insane world, so desperately clinging to it like a man clinging to debris in a storm after a shipwreck.  It feels like grabbing at straws in a tornado... where they haven't been outlawed yet.  Gah!

Anyway.  Food, dishes, laundry, more trash out even if I didn't get it to the curb on time...  which... I didn't... I will bag it and put it in the garage.  I'll have to see about bag tags.  Though I usually don't have this much trash.  It just collected off and then starting medicine.  And, if there is more, work in the kitchen.

My back is killing me.  It's not the kidneys, just the lower back.  A handful of aspirin, though the first since restarting medicine and for earned reasons.  Achy, but all muscular skeletal from beautiful efforts.  I... enjoy this sort of pain.  Just... been numb, or foggy, so if I have hurt I didn't remember for long?  It is enough to throw me off my plan with an aware mind, so aspirin.  I can glorify the pain raw tomorrow, a Christmas gift.  Some pains are far better than others.

I am also checking out a new game.  It's not really my preferred genre, or type.  I may be too old, reflexes, memory, and else too slow.  Rainbow Six Siege.  It does cause me trepidation.  Funny thing though?  From what I see from these games?  They don't teach you how to survive.  They lead you to death.

Blood sugar is 158 fasting.  Up from yesterday if still generally trending lower again.  I think starting heart medicine disrupts that.  Control is returning.

Yeah, I'll try to put a bit of work in.  Later.

Not just those things.

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I called my mother back.  Just... she worries and works so hard.  Of course, had to jack her.  Last time she called, she hit politics.  I've left that out, didn't appreciate it.  So... I told her Trump was stepping down, sometime in January.  As she crackled, fizzed, and whirred, I finished.  In 2025.

Oh.  Wonderful.  She has someone she is now going to use that on.  Generally a fellow Trumpian.  At least she can take a joke, and use it.  I think she actually enjoyed the ride.  It broke up some things though, for the moment.  But her gifts should be in.  Christmas treats and a specific directed item purchase.  Okay, but too late to check today.

Then I stayed up to after 15:00.  My eyes burn.  My lungs burn.  I am sore, tired beyond reason, and keep flunking cognitive simple checks.  A good prayer, of thanks, for the opportunity to bleed, in more ways than one, to His glory.  Nothing good comes of us save through Him.  And today was good.  Good night, and afternoon.

One can hope.

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Blood sugar at 67 was rather low.  I had already dosed in prep for a meal!  So I had a treat as well.  At 121 now, I am slightly relieved.  Not sure why such large swings when yesterday, today, and tomorrow see very similar consumption.  Whatever, I do my best.  Muddling through as always.

Laundry is getting a final run.  Dishes have been reset, some washed and set to rinse.  The ducks have been fed and watered.  The girls have gotten litter changed or refreshed.  Most trash was collected and taken out, I just hope in time.  I was blocked in by a lawn mower for some unknown reason, in front of the lawn tractor... which again isn't starting.  All nearly blocking a snow-locked SUV!

It took a bit, some maneuvering, pushing, pulling, defrosting, and scooping, but I finally cleared a way out and got the trash to the curb.  I just hope it was out in time.  It is rough in here.  I am hoping, with the bathroom clean... cleaner... to start in the kitchen this week.  Well, the kitchen and boxes.

A busy day.

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The ducks got fresh water.  Their food was good.  I left the door open.  It is... cool, at about 15° F, but without a wind or breeze.  I shut it early afternoon yesterday because with the same temperature, there was a breeze, and looked to be a possible storm on the way.  They get straw, but... the wind can be wicked beyond survival.

Dishes are reset.  Laundry is being dried.  A fatted coffee is about to go down.  And something else to eat will... happen shortly, plus insulin.  So tired.  My back is done.  But trash won't let me sleep, neither will hunger.  So... a while before bed.  I have to sit for a bit first.  So tired.  Later.

Cleaner yet, but...

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The tub, even sink, still aren't good enough.  The sink... I thought it was a stain.  Just a small yellow ick around the drain.  Hard water, or rust, I thought, but no.  It very slowly grinds off with the more powerful drills using bathroom grade bristles fitted to an impact fitting.  It comes off in powder bits.  But it actually feels tacky, the stain area.  With the tub, some of it is layers of grime.  It is nearly gone, just a few more passes and experimenting with other cleaners.  Though some looks to be dark, black, mold... gray after much work, from under soap bottles which had been forgotten to long.  I've gotten much off, but no more is being removed.  I want it all back to prime!

Then a shower.  No shave yet.  Cats have been fed, but not the ducks.  Fresh tea for my breakfast, a fatted coffee.  Eggs later?  Perhaps a version of Starbuck's puffed eggs?  Something.  Laundry is going.  Just one load tonight.  I would like to reset dishes.  Trash has to be gathered and put out.  Then?  Probably a nap.  The main things are the ducks and trash.

Ugh.  I am all dressed, if in pj's it's enough to tend the ducks.  Save for socks.  I like to give my feet time to air dry and absorb the oils.  The doctors laughed when I told them I use baby oil.  Oh, I don't mind.  Ignorance is potent.  Beyond general scaliness if I don't use it, there are the hands.  As is, from too long not tending, my right palm is splitting again.  They seem to always have some skin issues.  But if I keep on it, it stays on the top layer, sometimes as deep as two layers.  Without oil saturation, though, wounds will go to bleeding in the palms, and through the top of the right hand, which seems to have a mild scar now.  Laugh, I do what I must.  To think, I didn't believe in stigmatas.  Then again, perhaps it...  I don't know.

Not bad.  There is hope for the week.  Later.

It's cleaner.

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The tub, and the body.  Cleaner soon, both.  I sprayed the tub, the worst areas... The ring around the base and a few other areas.  I found a larger brush for the drill.  I will hit it half an hour, then shower.  The problem is the drain is slow.  If I had the money, I would increase drain pipes from one to two inches.  As is... it is slow.  Rinsing several times, after it drains, will help.  But that is too high maintenance for a daily driver.  Still, I will get it as clean as possible, and try to keep up, as I have begun doing with the bathroom in general, and hope to do with the rest of the house.

I use peroxide in my ears once to twice a month.  Generally.  It has been... longer.  I also have stainless ear spoons, which are used twice a week.  I will use peroxide twice in a row, then spoon them.  Not only does it feel and seem good, but hearing improves and I get far fewer sore throats and ear drainage issues.  It may even reduce snoring (though already rare) and nose bleeds.  Though that last may be heart meds.  I just really like clean ears.  I get why not cotton sticks, but stainless is clean... I keep mine clean, can be easily kept nearly sterile.

Blood sugar is 153 fasting.  Slowly improving again, again.

Oh, had a dream.  I realize cops can "see" cash money.  It is traceable, physically.  I was wondering how they were catching people crossing the country with wads of cash.  Not sure if lead, or a Faraday cage, both, or something else would shield.  Surprised people haven't figured that out.  Though, with crime, payoffs of official and unofficial processes are common.  As are distractions.  Send out a quarter of a million unshielded so as to push millions or a billion in absolute lockdown.  Not sure if it is electronic, trace chemical, trace radioactive, or can be turned on or off.  I just know, or believe from the dream, that it is true.

Such strange dreams lately.  The other one was about a woman with the largest natural boobs I have ever seen.  A thin waste too.  She was willing to pillow me and feed me grapes, if I... occasionally... missed the grape... but got a berry... to blushes and giggles.  Oh what a night.

A bit of browsing, then to a shower.  Trimmed, I may try to get a shave to clean it off.  I'd like to get the ducks fresh water, feed the girls, and get trash ready.  That may be it for the day?  Oh, resetting meds!  Ugh.  Later.

Not bad.

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Not everything though either.  But cleaning took a toll.  I probably haven't seen the bathroom that clean since I moved in.  I didn't mop, it honestly didn't need a complete job, just sweeping and a bit of work around the toilet.  The bowl, inner and outer, the toilet seat, plus the sink and tub got hit well.

Then a shower.  The feel of clean... or cleaner... was good.  I may hit the tub again in a week.  It... it is better, but needs a bit more.  The sink and toilet are as good as they get, so just maintenance is required.  My body was in as much need as the tub.  Another shower, or bath, tomorrow.

It's a pretty day.  White, overcast, but with a surreal fog that does more to... almost transmit light?  Or, it was last I checked.  At 15° F, it seems cooler than usual, if actually warmer than most recent temperatures?  Well, I think so.  If forced to wager, that would be my bet.

Blood sugar was better, 102 several hours after the last meal.  I won't check it again.  It will, by what goes for my crazy circadian rhythm, begin going up.  While it isn't regular absolutely, if my body could, it would tend to something like eighteen to twenty two hours up, with six to twelve hours down.  As I head toward sleep, or when I should(tm) be asleep according to the mal-rhythm, blood sugar climbs, as much as several hundred points, if lately more like a hundred and change.

I... am about to hit it.  Cats and ducks first.  Then that trim.  I love the idea of a beard, mine are more like camel hair, far too itchy.  Good night.

Cleaning first.

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I am certain someone is using the tub.  If they were honest, they would clean up after.  So the tub, and sink while at it, are being soaked.  In an half hour I'll get in and work on those.  Then a shower.  Hmm, definitely need to trim whiskers as well.  With tomorrow planned as a lighter day, a shave after the trim would be good.

Nearly two of the tea jugs are changed out, with fresh tea.  One remains.  I snagged enough for a fatted tea from this last brew.  Plan on another.  Blood sugar is 113.  The coffee pot runs too slow.  Loose tea gets in and clogs the works.  I'll put that on my list, and utilities.  Why do I keep forgetting!

I am staying up, finally, into the early afternoon.  I am hoping to grab days again, for as long as possible.  This may just be a roll cycle as I started meds again though.  Especially since I do the final significant increase Monday, to 12.5 mg, bid.  I expect to be off for two weeks to a month before I am as on my feet as possible.

I would like to find candles, and set up a twelve days ceremony.  Having prayer materials and other things for each day... perhaps a puzzle game, or find videos of important happenings planned for viewing.  How can one celebrate Christmas alone?  To an extent, we are always a bit alone.  Easier to be alone, by myself, than sometimes being alone together.  Though company, when available, is always welcome.  Just saying that... it isn't bad.

I should get something arranged for Christmas Eve.  A small custom meal.  Or just something nifty.  A large Christmas spread is just too much, all around, for even a junior giant.  Though, you know, a chicken or cornish game hen, with stuffing a veggie, and cranberry something might work?  Just... thinking.

I best get to cleaning, so a shower, and all else can start.  Ugh.  Be well.

A weak start.

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Descaling the coffee pot.  It may be too old.  Will know soon.  Two half pots of strongly vinegar added water.  The smell is something, not bad if you like it, which I do.  A couple of rinse runs.  It's brewing the first.  While at it, and as I begin brewing fresh tea, I am cleaning the half gallon jars used to keep it cold, three of them.  I am not sure they get actually dirty.  Just grimy.  I like them to sparkle, and be clear.

I might pop in the shower while that runs, or on the second flush if it finishes by now.  I'd like to hit the bathroom while at it.  I wash the toilet seat while showering.  It's removable, easily.  No matter, it always needs a serious washing.  I have developed a few tricks to... improve the man pee thing.  But there is no way around fully.

I am still gaming, but I have surrendered on some aspects of the game.  Without a computer, perhaps with it, some portions, the dlc for certain, don't seem actually playable.  Free, but not worth it.  I have gone back to the main game to try to get an exceptionally quick game so as to gain special gear for the game.

I am hoping to do the list from recently.  Tomorrow will be off, except for trash.  Then Monday I hope to hit the kitchen.  Well, a start.  The kitchen will take the week.  As well, I'll be tearing down boxes.  As well, little things between.  There is hope.  So much to do, so little energy.  I'll keep at it, at least... keep trying.

With the coffee pot ooc, and the kitchen closed for cleaning, breakfast was... simple.  A small can of peas, beats, and butter.  A bit carby, but veggies are a rarity, a mix rarer still.  Blood sugar, at 160 fasting, is... middling.  Keeping it in the 90's to 140's is as good as I can do, if actually because I haven't been eating enough.  Odd, that.

Later.