Patterns.

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I saw it.  In pieces, bits, parts, over a short time?

I enjoyed, immensely.  Hmm?  Oh, here.

Is one of my clocks really off?

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I was sitting, out there.  Doing my gaming.  Then looked at the time.  13:30 already?  And, even then, time passed since.  I thought I'd better do some things.

A call was made earlier.  A change with the wound clinic.  No, she was pretty snippy.  Besides reading here, and other things about reading here, I don't just leave a message, and wait for them to call back.  I'll wait.  And do.  This time she actually answered before two hours went by.  I thought she was going to time me out with lunch, on that one.  I... think she has gotten direct employer feedback, from my feedback.  Yes... I know you read here.  *wink*  *grins*  Still, that is done.

Down too late.

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It was at least 23:00 when I went down.  Half, three quarters past, more like.  Such a lame day, without doing the plan or getting to work, being dark and cool.  It was what it was.  I'll try more today.  The hatch bars on, dishes, a shower, counters.  Those are... the targets for the day.

I suppose we will see.  Though, too, I think the chicken should be thawed, and the roast.  So, I will get those grilled.  Well, it's something.  When I get the freezer top cleared off, again, I will look to see what I have in there.  I don't need more to that, but I would like to put some packages over into the fridge freezer, which is getting a bit low.

I should go through what I have it both freezers, to be honest, and clear some things out.  I could do that, if I can get to the drop in freezer.  Always an if.  It's a good day.  The sun is up, it 74 outdoors, 73/74/74 down here, and was 68/71 upstairs.  I closed the upstairs up, mostly, but haven't turned on the ac.  I'll do that around noon.  Trying to skimp on electricity, but not sleep up there in the 80s, which it will reach otherwise.

Another dream, where I got shot a dozen times or more.  This time, again, I didn't die.  But this time I didn't end up in the hospital.  I just... healed, quickly.  Pretty much just shrugged it off.  I guess my subconscious mind wasn't happy with those day dreams, and decided to go another round with the notion?  Had to laugh, when I remembered.  Almost right in the dream, on the side.

I told you, I am usually aware in dreams.  Sometimes, like this time, I didn't realize I was aware until my memory side of things recalled the day dreams, and the differences between this and those.  Odd how that works, sometimes.

Life is smoothing out.  With the bulk of the heat gone, softening into mid 80s, with cooler nights, and not having to rig the house all the time, a smoothness is approaching.  Having, if haltingly, maintained pill medicines... I am in good shape to really dig in before too long.  I've already begun, in small ways.  Now to just keep that going.  It will be hit or miss for a bit.  Still stinging from the summer heat a bit, but... it's coming.

Small lists.  Or I get overwhelmed with just the idea.  Make sure to push through on that list.  If I can't do it all, do some things.  When a little thing gets in the way, do it rather than let it become an obstacle.  Odd how just a little thing, like cleaning off the freezer top, can stimmy plans for a week, if I let it.  Push.  But offer rewards.  If I do something, every day, for three or four days?  Maybe a burger.  But, even then, keep it a keto burger.  Wendy's, and perhaps others, have leaf burgers.  If I go without fries and soda, I suppose two?  I should see what other fast food joints offer keto offerings.  Just... for variety.  Well, and Wendy's is pretty pricey.

Well... on to looking over the web.  Then a bit of gaming.  Then do dishes?  Maybe.  I think so.  And, after dishes, the hatch.  Today.  Yes.  Good morning, day, and whatnot.  Get to it if you can, or just... keep holding on.  If this is as good as it gets?  Enjoy it for that.  Easy to depress into a nosedive.  But that doesn't solve anything or get anything done.  See where you can help... yourself, someone else, or a situation or project going on somewhere.  Local is better, if all else fails.  Or, just watch an old movie, a comedy, old cartoons, or read a bit.  The bible is lonely these days.  Which reminds me...  Yes, I know where my bible is, too.  Later.

Oh... had to laugh.

Steak, for supper.

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Oh, that worked well.  Couldn't eat more than half.  Wanted to.  And, that was minus bone.  It was large enough that Sam and Sassy got some.  They don't get much, but...  I cut it into tiny cubes, and leave the juices.  Happy little ladies.  The only time I don't share is when I don't have enough for me.  Though, even then, I at least let them have the juice.

I think Sam's problem isn't worms.  She simply can't handle solids, or much.  She did pretty good with the steak, but really, left most for Sassy.  The juices, though, yeah.  Well, and oddly, she loves stripping the bone to... well... the bone.  She will chew on bones long after anything on them is gone.  She... has become a dog!  Poor thing.  I do what I can for her.  So skinny, it's horrifying.  But, even trying to feed her more cat food, but more just the juice from extra cans, and she simply can't, won't, eat enough to keep the weight on.  I do what I can, for her, but there isn't much I can do.  I suspect, even if I got her stuff to bulk her up, she would just expel it quickly, one way or another.  She just can't take in enough nutrients.

A bad headache.  I'll hit some of the painkillers.  I've had it rough for a few days, but was able to ignore it... mostly.  Finally, though, today, I had to do something about it.  Procrastination.  Sometimes targeted, purposeful, intentional, sometimes... like today... just... a... part of illness.  But, now, it is time.

I went without gloves a bit last night, before bed.  Then wore regular mittens to bed, but without salve or balm.  Today I went without gloves or anything.  The hands are improving, but I think I will do another day or two of balm and 'rubber' gloves.  I will be working on them, again, until they are healed.  I am tired of having cracked, bleeding, burned, painful, hands.  Who knows, maybe those dreams, of fighting fiery demons, have... some... truth in them?  Oh, well, I don't always write everything.  Part of why I have been so sleepy, tired, worn, lately.

She, of the first.

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Not a goddess.

Dinner and thoughts.

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The leftover pork roast, with the canned beefy mushroom sauce was... quite good.  Would have worked well with the hamburger, with a beef roast, or much else.  I am very happy with that purchase.  I'll just have to see how well, over time, it works with blood sugar.  I am having a beastly time controlling blood sugar, even really eating rightly.  

As a fact, in spite of dosing, just eating kefir (which had been fermented two full days at 75 plus, and in the fridge for three days so should have been solidly beyond having much lactose), and dosing (15 cc's of fast acting insulin), my blood sugar was 264!  The only other thing I consumed was flavored and plain perrier.  Could "natural flavors" be triggering an insulin response?  I have pH strips on order, for next month.  That will help me make sure.  Still, as sour as I like it, it should be nearly out of milk sugar.  Gah!

Anyway...  I best get up, open up the upstairs, soon.

Something new sometimes works out.

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Something about her... though.

She caused memories.  Of various sorts.

Not bad.

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Not bad at all.  I got out there and started on the cages.  I set up one of the empty ones close.  It had to have a feeder, waterer, and the vertical hay feeder set up.  Done?  Yes, and surprisingly quickly.  I learned how to use the rebar tie kit almost... intuitively.  Not that it is difficult, but some people... are... some people.  I... can't remember, always, if I am one of those some people.

I fixed all the rest of the hay feeders, with the latches a friend brought.  I set a few other things to rights, and then put one of the males into his own little cage.  I will probably be moving these guys out the outbuilding.  He is my tester.  I hope he does well, will tell the next few days.

Then I went out to the cages in the outbuilding.  Four were set up, if two may have been set wrongly... the feeder... too high.  It took a bit, using tin snips to cut through.  I would have fixed it then and there, but I started seeing stars.  Stars?  It isn't that hot.  Ah!  Diabetes?

I can't say it is too bad, yet.  But blood sugar is 90.  That is with 25 cc's of the slow acting last night, and 8 cc's twice, with two of my three meals.  Very light meals though.  I probably should put something else together to eat.  I am not up to a larger or cooked meal...  Oh, I have bratwursts left over, and eggs.  Oh, better, I think I have bacon!  I really do like bacon and eggs.  Even still.  Especially the gooder stuff, and cooked very well.  I... have improved, and it does improve taste, texture, and else.

Anyway.  So, yes.  After I sort out food, and if that allows me to feel better, then on to a shower and shave.  And, maybe, sorting out a cleaning solution.  Then, perhaps, some cleaning in the bathroom.  It won't be a lot.  But it is something.  It is... if nothing else... a start.  That is all I can every hope for, after stoppages and slow-downs.

I think things might pick up, or soon.  We did get the start of some weather.  Wind, and clouds.  Something is coming, or in a hurry to pass through.  Time will tell.  Medicine has all been taken, save nightly slow acting insulin.  No other insulin will be had.  Day medicine has been taken.  All good.  Later, or good night?

So much music.

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New, old.  Some I get, some I really get, some I...  Oh, I get it.

So late. And with or at?

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So dark.  Rather cold as well.  Snowing, again.  If it snows heavier, we could see a blizzard.  The wind is rattling the world.  I could not wake up!  Now I know why.  Thankfully I turned the heat on and up to 70 before bedtime... after being cool to cold all day yesterday.  Amazing weather for April.  March, sure.  But April?

After the alarms, at 07:00 and 09:00... which I was sure would wake me but failed, dreams.  One of them was of the devil, L... actually.  In the form she prefers, speaking to me in the form she would rather I be.  Tempting, too strongly to escape... this time.  I win sometimes.  She was laughing.

Laughing.  At me.  At God.  I was laughing too.  She, initially, thought I was laughing with her.  Then she picked up on something else.  She had to start wondering, with or at?  She asked.  Both, I said.  Though the 'with' part wasn't quite what it seemed.

A mystery?  Aye, to many.  If not THAT Mystery.  Sisters?  Cousins?  They do share traits.  They build, or really destroy, one upon the other.  Their ways.

Yea, definitely getting someone going.

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Nap?  I'm... getting to it.  That isn't the point.

Just some... random vids...

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They seemed to tie together.  I had to chuckle, and post.  They were, actually, the first responses to the dream music vid response... both from out there, somewhere.  I wasn't sure I'd print, but... it's... now seeming tamer than other things I printed.  So... here it goes.  Oh, what does it mean?  Who knows.  I just saw a sequence which... caught my eye.  After some choosing and carving, this is... what remained.

Mocking?

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Something.  I... didn't take it personally.  Or... did, but with understanding.  Yes, I was that guy.  Often.  I... get it.  I have definitely been on the wrong side of things.  For most of my life.

Still, I had to laugh.  All vids popped, pretty much at once.  Oh, yes, I get it.

Chilly out there.

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Getting to bed is difficult.  Had to allow knots and ribs and else to settle.  Painkillers helped.  Still, had to... set it off, and I really couldn't walk it off.  It was 15, last I looked, with some airflow.  Not a lot, not even a solid wind?  If I remember correctly, it was off and on, up to five to seven knots, from the north east?  It's as good a guess as I would make.  Not solid, as mentioned, but frequent.  Even so, for some odd reason, it seems so very cold out there!  Usually, 15 is... good with me.  Meh.

I wanted to check the critters.  Everyone seems okay.  The ducks are being... inspected.  But are alive and well.  Pecking orders and inspections suck, I am quite sure.  But, that is their way.  The rabbits are looking very at ease and comfortable.  I will check the waterers.  If they are frozen, I will pull those and hope they thaw by morning.  They can't use them, if they are frozen, anyway.

I just... like my critters.  These are the breeders, no eaters in these... probably.  But even if they were the eaters, perhaps even more so, tending them well is befitting.  Even these could be considered, if in a mundane way, as with Christ.  While they don't feed the soul, they do feed the flesh, which is a temple of the Holy Ghost.  To tend what feeds that temple, is only a good thing.  Something in that general idea.  I do not understand how one could abuse what gives it's very life to sustain.  Gratitude, even prayer, right to the slaying, and consumption.

I won't bother the birds.  Light in there hutch, at night, gets them all stirred.  They need their beauty sleep, like the rest of us.  The bunnies don't seem to care, one way or another.  They are used to goats, to geese, to ducks, to dogs, and perhaps people, coming out to check on them at whatever hours.  I think, would almost bet, they sleep and act more like cats.  Sleeping and active in spurts.  Still, I won't bother them all the time, just... water them twice, plus pull their waterers if I happen to be awake late, and they are frozen.

She asked.

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First, a few warmups.  Just... go with it.

Still awake.

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I'll check, outside, shortly.  Ice, snow... something was out earlier.  Probably still out.  Vehicles passing the window sound to be kicking up fluid.  Plenty of vehicles, so they might be melting what is on the road.  More, but not too much more.  Snow, no longer a skift or flow, but with some depth.  Oh well.  Not much I can do, one way or another.

Ah, well, it looks to have partially melted off.  Yes, still, still, awake.  Can't sleep.  Need to sleep.  It is starting to hurt.  Hmm... I'll... think on it.  Work on it.

Blood sugar was ~450ish fasting.  So, I gave it a bit more of a goose, 25 cc's, I think.  Along with breakfast.  I have really been enjoying eggs... an omelet this morning, with fresh onion, cheddar, and rye toast... plus a fatted coffee.  I tested a few hours later.  Couldn't eat, just checking.  It was 223.  I was about to give a decent dose with a fatted coffee, but decided to check again... often it won't change.  It has been four hours after fasting, eating, then checking again?  Something.  Should have been settled.

A very good thing I checked.  It had dropped to 149.  Not perfect, but not bad.  Further, dosing.  Wisely?  I still gave it an 8 cc dose.  Just... because.  And I am having a fatted coffee.  So... it's good.  I may have a green pea and scrambled egg mess as I go to bed as well.  Too many eggs, but they sure taste good after a lengthy hiatus.  Yeah.

Ah, as to rubik's cube solutions.  I... have been slowly improving, if just mechanical speed.  I haven't, yet, altered my methods further.  I may try a bit more... a medium set of solution improvements.  As is, I can... perhaps usually do... solve the cube in under 1:10.  Not bad... but not great.  As to world record?  I wouldn't mess with that.  Last I heard it is under three seconds?  Definitely under four.  I have to wonder what they take to get that... chemically.  Yea... I think so.  It'll cost them.  Though, the testing is so secretive, I have some... doubts... as well.

Down late, up late.

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I didn't go to bed with that last post, but within two hours?  Three.  I... can't remember.  I looked, at the time, tried to put it into memory.  There are times when the mind accepts nothing.  That was one of them.  My days are shifting with nothing much I can do about it.  Fight it?  Sure. Losing on that front, try to push it through the other side?  Yes, if as cautiously as possible.  Push too hard and I go into a sleep tailspin, where I have absolutely no control and the cycles become totally insane.  Five hours down, twelve up, three down, three up, twenty down, two up, two down, sixteen up... for weeks.  Caution.

The girls are hungry.  I'll feed them in an hour or two, after I wake.  They haven't been getting fed at regular times, with sleep cycles tilting into tomorrow, but they have been fed two cans per whatever passes for a day.  I think my days are, mostly, longer.  My sleep cycles are around eight hours.  I call it the sun effect.  It is the opposite, usually, in winter.  I am a child of the seasons, if that is made so much stronger by nature of illness.

I was shot, by an intruder, last night in my dreams.  It didn't even phase me.  Several times, in the chest.  Neither did it hurt me, or even stop me.  Wounds, initially, but they healed almost immediately.  That's all I remember, if I am sure I apprehended, and probably disposed of, the perp.  You... can't let such people live, if it's in you to deny it.  They will do it to someone else, possibly worse if it's a woman.

Ducks were let out.  I am trying something different.  I am leaving the hutch open.  More so that if one of the hens wishes to go broody, she has a place even during the day.  I will add water in the evenings, switching water out every other day whole.  I would do it daily, but they generally don't mess the water I put in during the evening, just a bit during the day.  Hmm... you know... perhaps brooding boxes?  I'll... see about that.

Blood sugar, after three more meals(?), two(?), was 167 fasting this morning.  Not bad.  Eating the right foods, watching calories, trying to eat just enough or even a little less than definitely wanted but maybe needed?  That is a good number, especially coming after the 190's fasting yesterday.  I had one other dose, but of eight to ten cc's of fast acting.  Slow acting is always 25 cc's... that is recommended to not change.  I only check bp etc. once every three days or so.  It's doing good.  Ah, and I have added in the 3.125 mg, twice a day, to the 12.5 mg carvedilol twice a day.  Yeah, 31.25 mg a day, total.  But... it... usually works, and is mostly tolerable.  I have a month pill box that is quite good.  I have ordered extras.  Now, when I get meds, I can put up two or even three months supply and have them ready.

It was 88° outside, 75° upstairs, 76° in this the front room, and 73° in the main.  It's usually cooler in the kitchen and further back, but I don't have a reliable thermometer back there.  The upstairs was so high, I suppose, because I tried to go with one ac.  That keeps it cooler, usually, unless I am sleeping up there I guess.  The other upstairs thermometer read 72°.  I need both if I am going to sleep days up there.  That was a bit warm for sleeping.

I kept working on the rubik's cube.  As it got later, my cube-flu diminished to the point where I was a drooling imbecile, instead of the sleek and agile antelope of the cube-dom.  Well, maybe not quite that.  The fumbling fingers of the first time dater?  Perhaps not quite that bad.  Though that improved to removing a bra with a snap.  *Oh!*  She'll exclaim.  Oh yes!  You'll intone.  *eyebrow action*  Oh, you'll get there.  It's the... surprise.  I can... smell it.  Those puppies want to be FREE!

There.  My "morning" update.  Later.

Someone keeps suggesting...

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A bird's tale.  Shut up I am told.

She must be alone too.

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A few songstresses as proxy.  Yeah... I can see that.  She is flirting on my wave length, stroking my cortex, stirring the testosterone system from port to stiff.

She rang?

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Shes didn't wish to be left out of contemplations?  So it is, or... isn't?