Just a bit longer.

.

.

Up, that is.  I think I might be to bed very early tonight.  Or... not.  But the possibility is... more likely than recently.

A fatted coffee, with insulin.  Then peas, green beans, and mushrooms.  I just recently purchased a couple dozen cans of mushrooms.  Could only afford the stems and pieces.  But could afford those.  Those have not impressed me, in the past.  So, I... wanted to see.  Hey, I... don't need to be impressed to find something useful.

As it turns out, the mushrooms were... quite good.  The mix was absolutely tasty.  Well, of course with butter.  Though coconut oil would work as well.  I would prefer to cook butter down to ghee, and store it in half quart jars downstairs.  But I simply haven't been able to get to it.  I'd put up, say, six or twelve jars of the stuff, if I could.  Maybe someday.  Anyway.  Very good.  I was a bit surprised.

I just want to see what blood sugar is, in an hour or so.  If it works out, perhaps I could be to bed by 01:00?  Maybe earlier?  One can hope, and I do.  It is still rather warm in the front room, if down to 68... last I checked... outside... 73 in the rest of the house.  I opened the front door a crack.  That is helping, but at this time, and on, it will only get slightly cooler at night, in here.  Hmm, I may have to find fans, and get a few of those going.  Or downstairs.  Two already going upstairs.

Well... a bit more tinkering.  I wish I could do more.  But I am simply tired, as I have been for months.  Barely standing.  Though a shower would be nice.  Yea... will see.  Later.  Or goodnight.

Hmm, another day.

.

.

It is 80 upstairs, 78 in this front room if probably going to get warmer with me here and the machine on.  The rest of the house is around 73, for now.  Keeping things open allows enough airflow, that with the stone and masonry main, for now, it stays a bit cooler.  Amazingly, I slept quite well, and have for days.  Even using, if just one, though a thicker one, a blanket.  Nothing fancy, but sort of amazing... to me.

I slept well, comfortably.  It must be that blood sugar and the rest is at least moderately controlled.  I has probably been two months since I started on the lower dose, and at least a month on full doses again.  Insulin has been hit and miss, if even pills have been to some smaller degree.  But... it... must be enough.  Last year I tolerated the heat better, until absolute exhaustion set in, from it.  But before that, at 73 and higher, I was shot.

I haven't even set up the ac's upstairs yet.  I will set them up.  If I probably won't be using them until I really need the cool.  For now?  Let it go.  I simply can't believe this.  Even last year, it was touch and go until I got used to the heat.  This year, it just isn't a problem.  And, it came up pretty quickly.  Over a week, it has risen from the high 60s to the 70s and finally to 80 today.  So, it's not like I have had a lot of lead time, or a slow load up time.  I must simply be healthier.

Blood sugar was a little high at 150 fasting, if the weekly average is still only 123.  I had some dark chocolate, with peanut butter, before bedtime.  I had just a bit too much.  From reviewing the packaging, and what I ate... the chocolate is 11 grams of carbs per three blocks, and I had four... so I'd call it ~15, plus about a tablespoon of peanut butter, which is 4 carbs per two tablespoons.  So, roughly, ~17 carbs, right before bed.  I wanted to see if the chocolate was still good.  It has been in the freezer for... a year?  Two?  Oddly?  It is... still quite nice.  Molded into foil, sealed, very good still.  And, yes, that will do for a snack, just back it off... say one square, two if I really must, and an half teaspoon of keto peanut butter split between the two.  Check.

Cold water, to start off the day.  Coffee is getting ready.  I did get a shower, for what little that means.  I may take another, shortly, then set up dishes.  I need to reset waterers, refill Sassy's water, and do some other fussing.  I think I can.  Chores... yes... indeed.  Chores.  A bit rough and tumble, but far less than usual.  Heat is not a bad thing.  I feel more like a crinkled soot, being ironed out by the heat, than by a suit that is shriveling up in the heat.  It is a very different rodeo this time.

I best at least get to coffee.  Then, maybe, set up breakfast.  Ground chia, plus unground hemp hearts?  Something like that.  I do have to add more protein, vegans really don't... get it.  And, add fats.  But... I like the filling of it, without the carbs.  It's... something.  And, not bad.  Perfect?  There is no superfood.  Say it with me.  There is no such thing as superfood.  Although, if there was, it would more likely be sardines, liver, heart, even tongue maybe.  Those are closer to it, nutritionwise.

Oh, right.  On to breakfast and then... a shower, chores, waterers, Sassy's wants and needs.  Ugh.  Good day.

Frustrating.

.

.

Blood sugar did go up, to 155.  While not horrible, I... preferred an attempt to lower it.  And... did.  But it cost me the night.  On the good side, it did get down to 52, give or take, from what I saw.  A pleasant night, if it took a good while for that to seep into the cave.  Still, all good.  And I did, with just a touch of fast acting insulin, and food, get blood sugar back down to 134 with the weekly average at 125.

Will sleep soon, if possible.  I've simply been flipping through y.t.  It has pretty much died.  Reminds me of when mtv went from showing vids to doing stupid multi-culti propaganda pieces.  Nothing but stupid.  At least, for the most part, they don't bother me with most of that stuff.  They simply only offer three to eighteen videos, all of which I have seen a dozen times.

I could look, specifically, for things.  But... why?  What I have already seen is of little interest.  What might be interesting is suppressed, for the most part.

On to bed, shortly?  I'd like to sleep, not sure I can quite pull it off.  I did take medicine, for this morning... literally for this new day.  So I have a start on the day.  Not sure what else to do.  Oh, perhaps I could get a shower, and put some dishes in after.  I did get caught back up on my potable water, through the r.o.  I keep four half gallon bottles, two in the fridge... two at room temp.  Well, and the water heating pot, which is about another half gallon.

I am trying to drink more water.  As it warms up, I need that refrigerated water more and more.  But I don't always drink the cold stuff.  In the mornings, and when it is cooler, I'll drink the room temperature stuff.  Or, even in the heat, sometimes.  The cold is more of a treat, as I'm not sure it's the best for me?

A new food tool.

.

.

I am eating more protein.  In powder form, but trying to make sure I eat enough meat to increase overall protein intake.  All good.  But, recently, I have been practicing getting in more fat, better fats.  For the most part, that is being added in the form of coconut oil.  A bit tricky.  Added to a frying pan, it works well.  But, for coffee or hot cereal, and definitely cold cereal, I am having to melt it in the microwave.  If... I really shouldn't be.  May have to figure out how to melt it on the stovetop.  Why?  Well... the microwave can probably make any fat so hot that it breaks down into things you don't want to eat.

Ugh...  Always something.  But... when you start on things, you have to sort through to better plans.  I've almost never started with a perfect idea, implemented perfect plans, right from the start.  Everything starts somewhere and then gets to somewhere else, and so on.  Until, finally, idea and implementation find some standard, acceptable in the main.

Why am I adding extra fat?  Initially it was was an experiment, in seeking to get more calories in.  Which, yes, I need.  Some days more than others.  However, I noticed something else happening.  As I added fat, say three to five teaspoons a day?  My blood sugar became much more stable.  Was easier to lower.  It is taking less insulin, less often.  

Blood sugar, last I checked it, had dropped to 84.  And, that was with some decent eating today.  So, I have just eaten another meal.  A meal which has the potential to raise blood sugar.  It didn't last time, or much.  But it has.  A can of soup, with a can of peas, and the last of the hamburger crumble.  However, I added two teaspoons of coconut oil to the pan.  That... has been having a very strange effect.  Will have to see if it works this time.

I'll check, in another hour.  All medicine, other than slow acting insulin is in.  Will get that, after this post.  Getting warm, still 72 this morning.  I would have liked to be to bed earlier, but between the low blood sugar, and some strange hope I can get to a few things tonight, it hasn't happened.

Summer, it seems, is here, though, finally.  Not as hot as it can get, but fairly warm.  A few months, two or three.  But, for now, tolerable.  That may well change in a hurry though.  Later.

A variation.

.

.

I wanted to add flax, to chia, for breakfast.  As well, I have heard that grinding not only flax, but chia, might help with full utilization of the nutrients.  Which... is why I am consuming?  Mostly.  Although I had been consuming, in part, for omega 3s.  The problem, of course, is that it turns out that the type of omega three is not the right kinds.  And, while that kind will transfer to the right kind, it does so very inefficiently.

So, what to do?  Well, I still like the stuff, for breakfast.  If you have ever had, and come to enjoy, some sort of gruel... whether it be wheat, oat, or else based, you will always have a little love in your heart for it.  Especially in cold weather.  And, even if the omega three doesn't work, there are reasonable nutrients in the various seeds.  Further, it is very easy to make.  And, these can be made cold, for summer use.  Not... a wasted experiment, if not all that I had hoped.

So, grinding.  I ground one tablespoon of flax and two of chia.  Then let them soak in cool water for about an hour.  Then heated that up with 195 F water.  As well, I added turmeric, for the flax, and my usual sweeteners and cinnamon spice, oh and of course protein powder and cream.

All good, save... two problems.  One?  Usually that would make about a quarter of my quart jar.  I would often fill more with water, to make it nearly drinkable.  This?  When ground?  Filled the whole quart!  Think about a quart full of oatmeal, or wheatberry, or such!  Ugh.  Way a lot too mucho!  Nutz, even.  Still, I ate what I could... about three quarters of the mass.

Now, it wasn't bad.  But, I don't care for turmeric.  Which, is fine, from time to time.  Food, honestly, at this point, for me, is not all about taste.  I'll... work with what I have, try to make it edible, but... put up with some things I don't like.  Sardines, on some days.  Turmeric on others.  And, it was too, too, too much.  I am absolutely stuffed.  Which, actually, is a good thing.  Stuffing on food that is good for you isn't a bad thing.  I am not even tempted by bad food now.

Still, from now on, while I will grind both seeds, I will use a half to a third of that mix.  I suppose I could grind a bunch of it, and just mix it.  Or keep it separate so I don't have to eat the mix, as I don't trust that much phytoestrogen too often (from flax), that would work well.  Even putting them in smaller pint jars, and storing them in the freezer.  Once ground, they can go rancid fairly quickly, as both seeds have higher fats.

Hmm... I do wonder, though, if the tests on omega 3 transfers used ground seeds or not.  If not, that might be why they wouldn't transfer so readily.  Who knows.  Just... a thought.  Science, mind you, isn't knowledge, certainty.  Science is doubting everything, until you can find a way to be more certain.  If you are ever absolutely certain?  You have ceased to be a scientist.  Amen.

Well, and... given several hours, I finally checked blood sugar.  I did take a small dose, plus the slow acting insulin.  Did it blind, because I knew it would be artificially high.  But... went with some reasonable guess work, and...  And?  And blood sugar is 123 after three hours.  Perfect.  As perfect as it can be.  I was a bit worried, given the bulk... volume.  But, no, all good.  Still absolutely stuffed though.  Bleh.

Oh, and for carrying?  Ground?  This stuff will offer a lot of filling power, with reasonable nutrition, for extreme light weight.  I would guess, to be honest, one tablespoon of that mix would make a meal that is filling for four to six hours.  Magic food.  And, it isn't junk, is extremely easy to make (don't need to heat, just soak, for probably an hour cold, or half an hour hot... your choice).  This is magic food.  Magic, I tell you.  I'll be practicing with these two, and hemp hearts when that shows up.

Adding tree nuts, as well?  An ounce of a random nut would do wonders to satiety extension, and nutritional redoubling.  Making a can of sardines, kippers, or such, enough for a lunch.  Even on a serious trail.  I will be playing with food, through the summer.  Yes I will.  And, I have started.  Later.

Waking can be difficult.

.

.

And, yet, when sleep is needed, to be gotten is divine.  It was needed.  It was had.  I did keep waking.  And it did get warm, 77 up there!  And, yet, I slept quite comfortably.  I didn't get heat sick.  The warmth is probably why I kept waking, but it wasn't terribly troubling.  It just meant my sleep was shallow.

Hearing vehicles go by, if certainly not all of them, was more of a strangely restful, comforting, thing.  Tractors, atv's, and such, too.  Farm country has farm sounds.  And either you love it, learn to love it, or leave.  Though, trading in occasional auto and implement sounds for constant traffic noise, alarms of all sorts, emergency vehicles, and such?  When someone suggest leaving the gentle pan for the fire, I... usually know what I am dealing with... and leave it well alone.

I missed slow acting insulin last night.  Yea.  I... try.  I got it in, first thing.  Okay.  Cold r.o. water, first thing, and medicine... pills... which I did get in, if not until late.  Pill medicine, in, right now.  Double... triple... checked.  I was so sure I had taken it yesterday!  Definitely taken today.  I won't take a fasting blood sugar, as it will be high.  When breakfast is ready, I will take a fast acting, smaller, shot... then check it all two hours later.

A shower, shortly.  It is 77 in this front room, but cooler elsewhere.  I could see it being mid to high 80s, perhaps into the 90s out there.  Will... check... when I am ready and able to go out to check.  Still, being mid June, this is... very... pleasant.  It is about to tick up, hard, heatwise.  I can usually handle, mostly, a month or two of it.  So, hopefully, it'll begin cooling, just a touch, in August.  

Though who knows.  Just because the world is cooling, doesn't mean exactly here, or now.  Not... yet.  When the US-Mexican border is more like the weather of here in northern Utah, we'll talk.  And... soon or late, it will be.  Have absolutely no doubt.  Though... in twenty years or two hundred?  Or a thousand, for that matter, or ten thousand if I think closer to the nearer edge of those numbers, it will happen.  And, if the equator gets to more like Canada?  Yeah.  It'll either be nearing the end of man, or the gift of a fresh start.

I pray.  But... not for these things in particular.  Merely in thanks, gratitude, and worship, with hope that men will continue to stumble along, blind as we are, more in the right direction than wrong.  And such.  I don't... worry about the world, or cosmos, and their doings.  I merely have some concern with how men react to it.  The planets are neither moral, nor ethical, if they are lawful.  It is men who can choose lawfulness, in the righter ways, or not.  Ethical, moral?  That is the choice of humans, and none other.  Which is why many try to deny faith.  So they can deny choice, obligation, truth, and such.  They know better.  Choosing to be a rock, identify as a tree, or such, will not negate your subjugation to the capacity for good or evil you, and you alone, are born with.  Amen.

Anyway... I have... to wake.  Tinker here a bit.  Get a shower.  Take out trash.  Check the rabbits.  It's not chore day, but it is warm.  Oh, best get waterers set back up before checking.  Ugh.  Later.

Wanted to be to bed by now.

.

.

I... forgot to take medicine, earlier.  Pills.  I've been doing insulin okay.  Lightly, so as not to jumpstart a crash, but hopefully enough to lower the numbers.  It only dropped twentyish points, but... that is something.  It's about time, finally, to take the last pills, check blood sugar, and go on to bed?

Hmm... blood sugar is down to 94?  Very strange.  I haven't taken slow acting yet, either.  Always makes me nervous.  I'll take six mints, the slow acting, and go on to bed.  Plus take a few more upstairs, just in case I wake in trouble.  Blood sugar could dive, hard.  It dropped about fifty points, in spite of food, including some... minor... carbs.

I had hoped to be to bed two to three hours ago.  Just... stupid meds.  But I am doing my absolute best to take all of it, and usually in a timely manner.  And, mostly, am doing it.  But, juggling my clock backwards is proving a bit complicated.  

Actually?  I've only had less than 1k calories.  More in the 800 to 900 range... or... less.  Sardines added to about 350 calories, and cream... four, five tablespoons? 250 calories.  And... that was pretty much it.  Hmm, protein powder?  Maybe 200, total?  Max.  The rest has been water.  Hmm, two crackers, keto crackers, at 120 (the carby food, if all fiber for whatever that means) calories for both.  So... 920 calories.  Yea, okay.

Sometimes fiber really doesn't affect blood sugar.  Sometimes it hits it out of the park.  And... the same fiber.  These crackers, sometimes, cause problems.  Most of the time they don't.  I used them, for variety, because they don't usually cause a problem, and because I need something like that from time to time.  Though, when I am expecting, needing, it to have a bit of a reaction, and it doesn't... yeah...  mints.

A few mints, as I close up shop.  Then on to bed.  I think, last I checked, it was 52 out there.  Not cold, or warm.  Just... what it is.  Though, at higher elevation, without the sun, at 35 to 40 percent humidity, it can seem cool, if you are out in it for a while.  I just hope it cooled off some from the day.

Hmm... may try to get a shower in, if possible.  I would sure like one.  Later, or goodnight.

A bit more shopping.

.

.

Just window shopping, for now.  Windows 11, Brave, and amazon, to be honest.  I would like to get out, and look around, with my own eyes and feet.  The problem is, I... can't.  I'm fairly crippled up.  Well, and gas costs an arm and a leg, people are getting nasty and dangerous out there, and... I don't feel like having to watch my back everywhere I go.  As well, prices.

I am watching what I buy, comparing prices, and holding on to the value of the dollars going out... as much as possible.  I can't change prices, or improve the value of the dollar, but I can make sure, when I buy a food or item, that I am getting the best quality per dollar available... or... mostly.  Things are going up, and down, and sideways through sizflation... shrinkflation, actually, is what they are calling it.  So, being absolutely sure about getting the best price, at any given second, is... not... possible.  Even the pricecheckers apps seem broken.  Plus, if they know you?  they'll price it to your perceived income, and price pain tolerance.  It's all a dog and pony show, at this point.

Still, I do my best.  Three or four price checks, even on dozen can packs, but certainly on larger grain purchases.  Check price, by volume, and delivery method.  Not interested in organic, but that has become so commercial that the prices are all the same.  And, amazon is pushing Chinese.  Even when looking for an American brand, you have to type it in... the few there are.  But that goes for Japanese, South Korean, German(Euro generally).  They hide the good products, and do everything they can to keep you disinterested in buying good, well made, stuff.  Still, I... do my studies, and try.  Not so much stupid stuff, but food?  Yea.  And stuff I would cook on or with?  Yes.

At this point, I have a reasonable, if still minor, stock.  So, I can just ignore price gougers.  And do.  As well, some things I think they are overpricing, I will be checking other places as purchase time approaches.  They say mom and pops joints went under because they couldn't compete.  But I'm telling you, they lived like kings and queens, overpricing everything and meaning to do so.  I don't mind those shops gone.  While quality hasn't improved, it hasn't gotten worse.  And, mostly, if I get a bad product, I can return it.  Never could with mom and pops.

Still, shopping.  I think I have one, maybe two, more carts.  Then I will back off, and just replace what I use, if not use as if shtf yet either.  I'll just turn a few cans of stuff over per week, adding to fresh meats and veggies, from time to time.  As well, experiment with making to food better.  Added fats, spices, and different processes.  Just, then, replacing as I use, on a month by month basis.  Just keep a clipboard down there, and write what I use.  Replacing that on payday.  Perhaps adding small things more... a dozen cans of sardines, or kippers, or a dozen cans of some veggie I haven't got, and such.

One or two more shopping baskets, and I will be as good as I can be.  Mostly for months, though if additions are still available, perhaps a year.  It's... all I can do.  Well... I would really like to figure out canning hamburger, with a pressure canner.  And, maybe, begin trying to make sauerkraut.  I have a big crock, made for that.  Expensive little doohickey, for sure.  Might as well try to use it.  And, if that works, perhaps get to fermenting other veggies.  Just store-bought, but... it would do.

So tired though.  Not sore.  Not ill?  Not... in the way I have been.  Just so very tired and unable to focus.  I have been on medicines for a month? now?  It has taken three or four months to get used to them again.  And, then, fall off.  Ugh.  It's a rough life.  I do my best.  I'll keep doing my best until there is nothing left.  And, thank God, every day, for the opportunity.  Even if I fail every single day.  Later.

Awake, finally.

.

.

Sleeping was a bit difficult.  It is beginning to get warm.  Both fans were running.  It's cool enough, downstairs.  Even the front room, which will be the warmest from now on, is 74, as was upstairs.  The main and farther back into the house it is 68.  So... Though, if I fire the ps4 up, that will change.  I haven't been bothering for a while.  Games made for, really, the ps5... which is unobtainable, and unwanted anyway, overpriced... nowhere near the promised price.  Plus, I'm not sure games are any better on there.  When the programming doesn't fail, the visuals do, or the whole thing just has to be rebooted.  

Console gaming, and probably computer gaming, is dead.  No one, who would use one, or their parents, can afford them.  Computers less than anything.  Crypto mining is seeing the computers being unobtainably expensive.  Not sure that is a bad thing.  Perhaps, if the industry survives?  They will slim down and begin directing their content to the only people who were every willing to shell out and play.  At this point, I haven't seen a game that is a) functional... even months after release b) isn't loaded with sjw (leftist) tard crap c) with systems that are anywhere near affordable, or available d) without tracking and listening systems built in.

I am sure there are subgenres which might still be out there.  But the single game, fps, and mission oriented, are gone.  What men and boys would like to play, as primaries.  Rpgs seem to be around.  Jrpgs (Japanese role playing games) too, but those are... aimed at the prepubescents more than the grown.  The voices.  Yea gods!  Those are annoying.  I remember waiting for my voice to change so I didn't have to sound like a small diesel engine in great need of grease.  Ugh.  And, the girls too.  Only, their voices never cracked over.  They are STILL annoying, if they were more annoying even so, when younger.  

Strategy?  I think they are still making those.  Are they forcing women's units in, without making them as lame as they really are?  And else?  I don't know.  I just know that fps are out of the running.  Can't program them, and the systems can't play them.  Nothing, going forward, is worth buying for a ps4 user, and ps5 aren't worth the risk of buying, even if they were available affordably.  If... I honestly think that was the plan.  They have wanted to kill gaming for decades.  Congrats, you have done it.

Blood sugar was a little high, at 163 fasting.  But... not terrible, considering I ate a good lot of mints to stave off a crash.  Really, given all, not bad.  Terrifying to feel that coming on, know it could hit.  But, honestly, the mints are less strenuous on the system than carb tabs?  Weird, but true.  If I had eaten the equivalent of carb tabs, I might well be in the 200s.  Though, last time it worked out, if I was much more careful with how much I ate of those.  This time, I ate until I was good... good on good!  So... these are better.

Today?  I don't know.  A shower, chores, maybe to dishes, and some laundry?  Maybe nothing, again.  Having trouble getting going.  Best thaw several packages of meat.  I thought the warming would be good.  But... it's feeling rough.  I can't seem to make it out, one way or the other.  I haven't given up, I just can't do much.  Yet?  Later.

Wow.

.

.

I was... recounting my... various... difficulties.  Hopped on y.t.  Saw something new?  Didn't quite get it, by the title.  Usually I avoid such.  But, being tired enough, I decided... what the heck!  So, I pulled it up.  I've watched a few times now.  Gotta be a pixie, of a very unique... or is that normal... type, now?  Anyway.  I... guess I could have it worse.

Broken.

.

.

I am still awake because...  Because I couldn't do what I wanted to do in order to do what I had to do.  Huh?  I mean, I needed to get to the post office, but had to shower first.  I just... couldn't shower.  So... I... kept dragging on.  Hoping, soon, I would shower.  Finally I gave up.  Pulled my hoodie up over my hair, still in my pj's, I... went.  A package was in.  He had let me know.  I missed getting it yesterday.  I told him I would be in today.  Last night.  And, if more early morning, I did so.  But... without a shower.

Can barely stand.  The package, I had thought, would be larger.  Not so big as all that.  Ten one pound canned hams.  Yes, it's... food.  How tasty?  I'm telling you, if you are starving?  Ham will be damned nice, and pass the artificial potatoes, thank you very damned much!  And, yes, barring a miracle, it's going to hit.  It has hit, it just isn't as bad as it will get.  If even that may take a few more years.  Just status quo will ball me.  More and I'm... actually, I am at my wits end.  I'm just trying to get some food.  And will probably have to learn to live on dregs.  Assuming I can even keep the dregs I have collected.

Anyway, I got the package, and mail.  I even took that right to storage.  It's pretty.  Even food for Sassy.  But that... isn't three months.  For one.  I think, beside myself going on a diet, Sassy is too.  One can a day, though as much dry as she can tolerate... which doesn't seem like all that much.  No choice.  Even at the prices of food now, up nearly double over last year, I'll bet people are giving up their pets like crazy.  No choice.  I'm... worried myself.  Another fifty to hundred percent and I'll be sweating feeding her.  All dry?  Not sure she can handle that.

I'm trying to cut down to cream and maybe two small meals, or one and coffee.  Though... I am sorting how to cut my coffee use.  Brutal, financially, and it is only going to get worse.  I'd figure out gardening, if I could figure out how to stand.  No use in putting in things I couldn't weed, or water.  Wasted.

Still, at least I got the package and mail.  It was only 47, last I looked.  But will probably warm up a bit more today.  The sun is out.  Blood sugar, after a meal and insulin, ended up being 108.  I realized I had made a serious mistake.  I... was sure blood sugar would be higher.  With what I ate, and insulin, I was beginning to crash.  A few of the mints.  On the good side, it takes three mints to equal one carb tab.  So, really, I could have eaten thirty mints to equal one container of carb tabs.  I ate ten, and will probably have five more.  Those first broke the fall, but... just.  A few more, just... because.  Blood sugar may be high as a kite tomorrow, but... I... would rather that than to go through those sweats, and nausea, and else such.

On to bed?  Or shortly.  Goodnight, and morning... day.  God be with you.

This guy...

.

.

I'm tellin' ya... dis guy.  Gettoutahere.

Now, understand.  I disagree with him.  But... not based in logic, science, or even nutrition.  If... as I general rule, those don't stand on their own two feet currently.

Meh.  However, there is this.  Agree?  Disagree?  It doesn't matter how I FEEL about it.  What matters is, does it work.  My bet is, for me, in my condition, I really do better on fewer carbs.  As a fact, I don't have an honest choice.  Blood sugar being a qualifier.  One I check.  A quantitative limitation due to overindulgences and general ill health, probably, in any case.

Then again, given how much exercise mitigates things?  I could see, should I figure out how to get up to, then being out on, the trail, and for extended periods, his charts might end up being better, even so.  Still, initially, I would have to be... cautious.  There is a limit.  And pushing that limit, high or low, is dangerous.  Still...

I think he has a solid argument.  Which is something I will keep in mind.  Though, regardless of those debatable notions, the information chart he offers is absolutely fantastic for hikers.  I don't care which side of things you, your body, or reality lands upon, regarding carbs, fats, and proteins.  This is an excellent data set.  I only hope it can be edited.  I'd love to add things to it, such as lower carb versions of tortillas... which I had sort of meant to explore, but then health and legs went down underneath me.  I... haven't... be able to get to that.  But... will.  Probably.

As to blood sugar?  The soup, with added fats, and two crackers, plus another fatted coffee, took my blood sugar up to... 86?  Ugh.  Wow.  That fats really do change how the carbs are processed.  Anyway, I'd best eat something.  I have mints, thought about those.  Don't want those.  But... what fats or proteins would bring blood sugar up?  I'm... going to do a little research on that.  S.o.b.!  If it isn't one thing, it is another.

Oh, the vid.  He has a series.  I plan on reviewing all of them.  Very... tight.  Trust?  I trust enough to debate, disagree, and check out.  That... my friends, is as good as it gets.  Remember what I have said about women?  Either she will do, or she won't.  I live in a simple world, pass... fail.  He passes, for now.  And, as a kicking off point.  Check.

Practical?

.

.

I don't know.  But... an idea.

Rather than... watching, and waiting, to get a trail food plan going, for some future event that may or may not ever happen, why not plan my food out as if I was on the trail?  The question, again, is... practical?  Even possible?  Why not?

Some of the trouble, up front, is packaging.  Though, not terribly.  Ziplocs will do fine.  And, somewhere, hereabout, I have really small ziplocs.  Used for jewelry, I think, but I purchased them with hiking in mind.  I have several types of small storage items around, including 5 and 10, possibly larger and smaller, ml containers.  For fuels, liquid sweeteners, shampoo, or whatnot.

So, with what I have at hand, and what I have around, I could probably develop a system of food and drink containment.  As well, some of my foods already start off dry, such as chia breakfast, with hemp hearts on the way.  As well, on I have powdered cream, protein, and other such, for variety.

Beyond just putting things together, I could examine calories per ounce of what I could do this with, check packing weight, volume needed, and such.  As well, I have gone to freeze dried coffee, so that would be easy to arrange.  Now, not all my food is camp ready, or yet.  Nor would I want it to be, nor could I afford it to be.  Even the lesser expensive stuff, such as jerky, is terribly expensive to live on, had a bit more salt than I would want in a daily diet, isn't as good as fresh, etc.

But... I could begin playing with foods that I have which do pack up.  Even peanut butter... the stuff I have is very keto.  No sugars.  Plus, it isn't the bad fats, just a natural oil, a better one.  Packing that, too, along with keto crackers, for snacks.  Higher carb than I'd normally eat, on a daily basis.  But with even a fifteen mile hike, carbs would be tamed, a bit.  If too, the carbs I would be eating are slow, lower glycemic index, or even nearly zero on that, as they are insoluble fibers.

Just thinking out loud.

I am trying a big can of beef soup tonight.  Noticed something very surprising.  For a whole big can?  Only 230 calories?  Really?  Yes.  So, I decided to add a couple tablespoons of coconut oil, which will triple the calories!  I will also have a keto cracker, or two, with it.  I'll definitely have to take some insulin, but... as things are going, not as much as one might suspect.  Just a medium dose should do, though will see later.

Tinkering with food, based on what I have, what I am learning, what I already know or suspect.  Will have to see how edible that is, if I can keep it in long enough to pull the nutrients, and some other things.  Oils have a laxative effect.  So, who knows.  Couldn't do that constantly, though a teaspoon, or two, through the day, might be doable, on a heavier calorie (already)_diet.

Oh, I did look at resupply notions, on longer hikes.  It seems as if many just "go".  Without planning resupply mailings, or even what they will eat.  Just... getting what they need as they go.  Stopping into towns, and going with the availability.  If, too, eating a LOT of junk food.  Even getting addicted to it.  I don't think that is how I would want it done.  Though... the options would be complicated.  As well, much of what I would be wanting would have to be bought ahead of time.  Though, as things are going, I am doing much of that already.

Yea.  If you look at what many of them eat, you would realize that is a problem.  Not just for direct health, but it would have to go to habits.  Some of that would be required.  Men, especially, it seems, begin to lose weight, and can become quite haggard, or worse, toward the end.  Though, I have heard, from several keto'ers (roughly), that they do better.  Higher fats, more protein, vastly reduced (if not completely eliminated) carbs, have been reported by the few male hikers who have tried it to be good for them.  Leaving them hale to the end.

Even if I don't ever go on an extended hike, or any hike, this is as much about food... wherever I am... as anything else.  So, this could help.  I may set up a, say, week worth of mix, tonight... and figure out how much is right for a meal, and use it for the next few days.  It's all dry, so the baggy can be reused.  No loss, possibly some gain.  And... a beginning to possibly bigger plans, ideas, adventures.

Just trying to think some things through.  Dinner may be ready... the alarm.  Later.

Somebody is awake?

.

.

Checking for new vids, I found one.  And, exactly on target with the topics discussed.  Now, this particular video does not categorize for keto, but with enough data to begin sorting for that.  As well, he almost hits on the needs for more fats, and proteins, but, as with most folk, completely misses it after having obviously stated why such would be far superior, several times, for several reasons.

Is it that time already?

.

.

Right at 14:00.  Earlier, but not by much.  As well, it wasn't until 04:30, about an hour earlier, when I went to bed.  If an hour earlier than the earliest of recent bedtimes, so... on average, a decent amount earlier than usual.  The last few days I have been backing it down, going to bed in a trending earlier direction.  I'll keep at it.  On medicine, sometimes I can do what is impossible off it... back my day up rather than have to push the clock around.  Backing up the clock is easier, if possible.  Something like that.

I keep wondering, about an incident.  When the young man ended up being handcuffed by the police... for trying to hit me.  How did I get him to attack, right when it was most fortuitous for me?  It... was intended, mind you.  The choice was to rip him limb from limb.  Which, too, was... quite possible, simple even.  That would have been the easier of the two.

How did I steal peace from his heart?  Well... that depends on the man.  This man?  I... had to think about it.  I did it almost intuitively.  I have had to think about how I got that particular one to act as I willed.  Oh, I have done it before.  Like hitting a practiced, particular, note... on a piano or guitar, while doing it you aren't sure how you do it, you just know to do it and it gets done.

After thinking about it, I remembered, in this case.  I waited until his heart was hard.  I didn't need to encourage it, but, given what I knew was going to have to happen, I did encourage it.  Not... by being mean, or ornery, but by being honest and clear at times when those weren't desired.  He wanted things, for the damage of his father.  I gave him what he didn't want, right when he wasn't wanting exactly those things.  But, I didn't go too far.  Just a word, or look.

In time, he got used to being... misabused by his emotions and my reactions.  He toughened up.  Because of his immature nature, he couldn't let it go.  But he could resist some of the impulses.  In time, when the time was right, instead of giving him what he needed, was used to receiving, I gave him... empathy.  Full and complete.  He... couldn't handle it.  I knew the officer was behind him.  For his rage, he knew nothing.  As he pulled back, the officer, to whom I had just been speaking, arrested his arm... and... the rest of him.

The look on his face, as he realized... something had gone terribly wrong for him?  Something between rage and horror.  That was one of the princes I took down.  Hard.  But of his own hand, literally in this case.  Do I like doing that?  Well, I don't like what the privileged do, so... yes.  I hate spoiled bad people, or what they do and are often allowed to do.

I never heard from him, or his father, again.  I knew his mother.  And, while she... was ever suspicious of me, what I had done to her family was balanced by my saving her from an out-of-control golden glove boxer.  What their issue was I will never know.  Only, I wasn't going to let him mash her.  Odd life, and strange people, I have met.

To bed, finally.

.

.

Earlier than usual, by several hours.  Not as early as hoped.  Was so HUNGRY!  I... wanted to eat, and eat, and eat.  I didn't.  I have been careful.  I drank more water.  I wanted to even rip into the mints that arrived.  Thankfully they are well packaged, I can't smell them, or I might not have been able to resist.

So very hungry!  I finally relented, slightly, eating a can of kipper snacks.  Not much.  I didn't even have keto crackers with them.  That, and more water.  Still hungry, but I... am done.  I'm going on to bed.  I just checked blood sugar, afraid that eating and even hunger somehow... did something bad with that.  At 113, and weekly average dropping to 129, I can't knock it.

Though, why so hungry?  Hmm... maybe the cool?  It is 44 outside.  Dropping to the mid to low 60s in here, if the computer room is still warm.  Humidity is in the mid 30s.  I just don't know.  I have overeaten yesterday and today, if... not too terribly.  Just... over my 1,200 to 1,500 goals.  And, yes, that seems plenty.  Don't... believe most doctors or nutritionists.  There is a reason so many people in the world are overweight.  And, it is just for sales.  They want you to eat what they are selling, not what is good for you.  Or in the right amounts.  Heck, even so, I haven't lost weight.  If too, I can barely stand quite often.  Too tired, though not from lack of food... from a bad heart.

Not sure why I am so hungry, exactly.  But... whatever.  I'll try to get to bed earlier, through the week, and be back on days before long.  Goodnight.

I keep hoping to get to more.

.

.

So tired.  I mean, just... not able to think past sitting in the chair.  Looking through a very small part of the internet.  Examining news from the sources I bother sousing.  Look at youtube, if currently that is pretty much blocked.  Looking through amazon, for good prices and things which might help in my plans... from food to gear.  And... watching prices.  Somethings go nuts, but mostly short term.  To be honest, it looks like gouging, at times, if they think their is a scare going on, or very temporary price hikes for whatever reason.

Those of us who buy in larger amounts, and watch the prices closely, are staying away from higher prices.  There are some things where the prices do continue to rise, and we realize that.  But, often, even recently, there is a lot of headfaking with prices going on.  If something goes ugly, I either live on what I have or go without.  I... can go without.  I am even changing from perrier to mostly simple r.o. water, now that I have a system that works, well, cleanly, more efficiently, and in batches for very easy use.  If the prices of that doesn't come down, I'll just quit it altogether.  It has become a luxury, if one I really enjoy.

I called my mother, to check in.  She is still having trouble with the sticky nature of the blockage.  I reminded her what I had used, and explained why it worked.  Not sure she will take the advice, but that isn't my problem.  Trust your doctors, if you really must.  Then again, she might take my advice and never tell me about it.  She's... like that.  I'm not worried, now that she is through the majority of it.  Still, would like to see her life improve a bit.  What was it?  Leading a horse to water.  Right.  Can't do more.

Blood sugar was okay, at 119 after the meals, and a 138 average for the week.  I'm having a fatted coffee now.  Will have a bit of burger, cream of mushroom, and palm heart or konjac rice.  Now that I am truly over the need for the pasta kick, these things really do work well.  And, with the two or three types I have, variety and mood preferences can be played.  I'll probably have another small dose, 8 to 10 cc's, of fast acting with the meal.

Getting to the point where, maybe, I can let up.  But not quite yet.  On fast acting insulin.  Not sure why.  The extra sleep?  I am doing very well with keto menu choices.  I do have bags of rice, bags and cans of beans, and cans of soups and stews, plus else should carbs be needed.  And, I will probably obtain pastas, regular sorts.  But, I don't use them, won't unless there is a major collapse in availability of any/all foods.  Well, and from time to time, just to use some of what I buy.  Gotta.

I am feeling... better... about what I have in stock, available.  Even to tp, dish soap, shampoo, and regular body soap.  Could always use more.  Actually, could use a lot of pasta.  I'm nearly totally out of that.  Haven't been buying it at all.  Even if using it rarely, that's enough to make it all go away, mostly.  So it... became scarce.  If nothing else, it is a good trade or charity item.  Well, sugar and salt are next on the list.  Sugar, mostly, for trade.  But salt?  Absolutely priceless, and actually a physical need.  I have some molasses and maple syrup, but want more, and raw honey.  If, for myself, I am well stocked on keto sweeteners, of several sorts.

Bit by bit, building my kit back up.  I only feel better, still... a bit behind.  I lost track, had some fun, ate the stores, and... then realized what kind of a mess we are in.  So... I keep shopping.  Window shopping, and sorting the basket, until the next payday.  Perhaps picking up little things on the way.  No time to save, currently.  Money isn't worth what it was yesterday, and eventually that will be showing up in prices.  Dump cash for actual goods, as much as possible.

On to... something.  Or nothing.  At least, with it being cool and dark, sleep has been pleasant.  Crops are going to fail, hard.  But will be in a mellow mood as that happens.  As for running out of food?  Only if they decide to dump it, on the ground.  Which they might do, if you keep refusing to buy box cereals and sugared foods.  Though, there is zero difference between high fructose corn syrup and sugar, or honey, or... it's just the general fast carbs.  All, pretty much, the same.  They just have people who aren't ready to cut those hopping on the same foot, swearing they are different.  Even organic cane sugar, raw honey, none of it is one iota different.

Yea, but... on to... something?  Or nothing.  I am hoping to get fed sooner.  Maybe take another shower.  Perhaps get dishes and laundry going.  And, hopefully, make it to bed early.  Thanking God from time to time, for the opportunity, and wherewithal, to do what little I can do, and plan for a tomorrow, even if it isn't for mine?  Maybe.  My real tomorrow is already managed.  All I have to do is accept it.  Later.

More about food.

.

.

Asking the right questions?  Another thing?  How much would that food weigh?  Well?  It depends on the calorie count density.  What?  I mean, if you are carrying food that is 150 calories per ounce, at 5k calories, that would be 33 ounces, or a bit over two pounds?  Right.  But if it is 100 calories per ounce, then 50 ounces or 3.125 pounds.  Ah... Now I see.  So... just going by "two pounds per day" really isn't the right answer?  Depends.

Foods for travel.

.

.

It isn't just hiking.  Having to drive, cross country, for one reason or another?  Hiking, of course, if you could even do that, but... let's just say you could, or had to, hike... camp.  Well, and to be honest, for right here at home.  Summers are hot.  Usually.  And, even if delayed, it will be getting hot at some point.  I don't think we are quite to zero summers.  Yet.

I have chia.  And I am slowly collecting other things.  I also have shredded, unsweetened, coconut for example.  I don't have cacao nibs, but they are on the list.  Hemp hearts are on the way.  There are other things I am looking into.  Currently, I am using chia seed for hot breakfasts, but have been thinking about making cold breakfasts, or general meals, with them.  In yogurt, kefir, even sour cream, soaked overnight, with hemp hearts, coconut bits, etc.

Hippie food?  Maybe.  I... don't care who invented it, or is known to use it, as long as it is nutritious in truth, edible simply, and such.  The goal is some sort of reasonable satiety, a nutritional return reasonable for cost, lighter weight as possible, and such.  Keto is the idea, but won't be completely possible as calorie requirements rise.  Still, that... is more the goal than not.  Though with powdered fats, such as cream and butter coming into radar range, and being found reasonable, more fats than carbs is looking more viable.

How much food, how many calories, is needed?  It really depends.  On the trail, this video provides an idea.  No, this guy is... sort of a big boy.  But, at six inches shorter, and a hundred pounds lighter?  If he is calling it at 3,500, I'd need 1k to 2k more.  And, if out of shape, possibly a bit more than even that.  Why feed a fatty extra?  Because, if out of shape, he will be needing repair materials... extra extra food.  Then again, not sure that much food could be carried, or eaten.  Initially, it might not work.  Still, I'd definitely suggest about 5k calories for one my size.

Awake.

.

.

Had to claw myself out of bed.  Sassy tried to help, but that just wasn't working.  At least she got some massaging and got itches scratched for a while.  And sweet nothings.  She knows I try to wake.  She just wants food, but the attention isn't all bad in and of itself.  Why so tough a morning?

I didn't get down until 05:20 or so.  Why?  I can't say.  Later, larger, last meal... too much food, so that it was uncomfortable to go down?  Yes.  I think that was it.  But I had to eat.  Not that much, but something inside of me was terribly hungry.  So, I ate both of the meals worth of the roast that was left.  It's been days since I've had more than a light meal.  My body demanded I feed it, so I did.

Blood sugar was up and down yesterday.  Though all below 150, so... I guess that was good.  This morning it is 146 fasting, probably due to the late heavy meal.  Just a touch high.  Well, and didn't I have to react to a low sugar problem yesterday?  I think so.  Given that, this... is an excellent blood sugar.  Actually, I have had to react the last few days.  But, have been using food, and successfully.

Some of the last of the orders arrived today.  Down to storage.  At a can, or two, a day, of main entrée types and a side, I have enough for a few months.  Three?  If I went very light.  Not sure I could do it.  But... a while.  And, with what else I have, I could probably stretch it to three to six months?  Very problematically.  But... I do have something down there, more.  I couldn't feed the neighbors, which makes all storage... compromised.  Unless you have a secure living arrangement, your food isn't safe.  Then again, who is to say they wouldn't just bury you in?  Hungry people aren't always rational or kind.  

I think a lot of rich people are going to find that security isn't... what it seems.  And, being buried in with their security?  Guess who gets eaten?  It... won't be the security.  Nor will they take b.s. for long, in any case.  There isn't a magically safe world, somewhere, just because you had a lot of money or access or friends in high places, at some time in the past.  When all that is gone, you are... just you.  And that means nothing to... anybody, except you.  I wouldn't rely on bunkers to survive in a world you helped destroy.

Being singular, I would expect to be killed for my goods.  There isn't a way around it.  I can try to resist.  But... everybody has to sleep, and they know when I sleep.  But, then, everything taken will, again, be taken, by bigger fish.  Until things settle, and a dominant group forms a... more stable environment.  The weak, old, singular, will be picked off.  Heck, children will be fair game, to some... for... many things.  A gun is an equalizer for size and numbers, but only to the extent that is possible.  Everybody has to sleep.  And, as mentioned, bunker entrances can be buried, and air supplies can be shut off/down.  Expect no mercy, from the starving.

Well, food is down, anyway.  The prices keep going up, is why I pushed purchases this month.  From now on, food and some minor gear, is in the queue.  From litter, to cat food, as well.  Prices are going up?  Or is the dollar's value sinking?  What's... the difference, at times?  There is a difference, it just doesn't mean a lot to the buyer.

Rough, a bit, today.  But the soreness seems to be melting into the 'morning', as I wake.  I'll get coffee, a very small dose of insulin... say 6 to 8 cc's.  Then pill medicine, and feed Sassy... plus manage her litter.  Fresh water yesterday, so that's good.  Then just sit, attempt to wake, and try to get to some things today.  It's 68 outside and in, save this front room, which is... nope, it must have been 68.  With me here, and the machine and light on, it's just up to 70.  Interesting.

June 7th?  Wow.  Partly to mostly cloudy, and environmentally cool out there.  Even the water is still cold, through the pipes.  Usually, by now, I use much more cold to hot, while showering.  As is, I am using very little cold water, which reduces pressure.  But, to have a warm to hot shower, no choice.  All good, it is what it is, just noting the strange nature of this year.  If, as mentioned, for the most part, that... is the future.  And... it will only, mostly, get cooler... probably for the rest of my life and on, possibly, for a few hundred years.  The sun is... resting.  We've seen this before.  Sure, it could come back.  Just tracking trajectory as things really are going, on the current and rather longer trend line for the last, honest, thirty to fifty years or so.  Yea, cooling, solar, natural.  Later.

Feeling a bit better.

.

.

Without rabbit losses, the rest is... just another day.  That they are alive, eating and drinking, and in generally pretty good shape, I am feeling much better.

I at some things which were carbier than I would normally eat, but blood sugar was crashing.  Better to eat beans than sugar?  Actually, yes.  It did bring blood sugar up to 143, but glucose tabs or mints would have taken that up to over 200.  So... yeah.  The problem is, I am still hungry.  Oh, but I could have green beans, and portions of roast beef.  I probably have two meals of that left.  One of those portions, with green beans and butter, plus a small dose of insulin, would be okay.  I have already had the slow acting, so... yea.

And, I should be to bed earlier tonight.  I have been going to bed anywhere from 07:00 to 11:00 lately?  But that was because I was pushing to try to get chores done.  You have no idea how hard I push to do things, and sometimes with zero capacity to do those things, I just... hang.  Can't shit, or get off the pot, so... there I am.  But, tonight?  Earlier.  And, waterers are set up, feed is ready, and I have plenty of feed.  So... no worries, mostly.  It's just... getting to it.  Though that may still remain... difficult?  Will see.

A bit of food, some insulin, and to bed.  Another hour or two.  Still later, but not as late.  We'll see.  Later.

Thank God.

.

.

I have been trying to get going.  Oh, sure, steps.  But that was just to try to get to things.  I haven't been in the shower, able to shower, for... two weeks?  I haven't been able to do anything, for a while.  Including chores.  I have literally been begging God to help me, the last few days.  Mostly aiming at chores.  I was sure rabbits would be dead, some of them?  All of them?

As I finally went out, it was good to see the ones closer were all alive.  But, it has rained.  They got water that way.  The ones in the shed, not so much.  I don't know how long it has been, but it's... been... a long while.  There is a horse in the next pen over.  A mare or a gelding, one or the other.  To me, they both have a certain look.  I didn't... want to look too closely.  The whole idea... bothers me.  But, since I was sure those rabbits would be gone, I decided to give the horse a small sampling of the alfalfa feed, see if it liked that.  It did, just a small bit.  Since it enjoyed, and didn't bite me, I gave it a bit more.  I don't want to harm it, or spoil it's appetite.  Not sure if it is good for it, so... stopped with just a couple of small handfuls.

Then I went on in.  The rabbits were all... just fine?  Okay.  I hurried, to get them water, then food.  They were drinking.  Heavily.  All good.  And, really, they drank their fill quickly, and then turned to food.  All... very good.  I... will continue to pray, that I can keep at it.  I will check them tomorrow.  As soon as possible.  God has given me a reprieve.  And... a neighbor horse to greet and treat, from time to time.  Not every day, but... a few times a week.  I do love horses, mules too.  Even donkeys, mostly.  The latter two can be stubborn, but I... get that.  I won't do stupid, for love or money either.  *grins*

Blood sugar dropped to 74!  F@#$#@g b&ll)@&t!  Well... I guess I'll get food going and have a fatted coffee rather than chicken or beef bouillon.  And, should probably eat something a bit more carby.  Bleh.  Up and down, up and down.  Trying to avoid actual sugars, and too much insulin.  Ugh.  Best get to it.  Starting to less glide and more crash.  Later.

Finally.

.

.

I did get a set of stairs in.  Tired, sleepy even, but... I'm going to try to keep at it.  Legs burn.  Just a touch.  But only near the end and for about a minute after.  All good.  The goal is to make them able to handle the sets without any problem.  Or... be able to do it without fuss.  But, more, to begin to be able to do more, and more, perhaps until stairs aren't any sort of problem at all?  Is that possible?  It's the goal.

I received the new tarps and walking poles.  I haven't done anything with the former, save remove from delivery packaging.  But the poles have been removed and sorted.  Then, stored back in the bag they came with, for when not in use.  With the bobbles and bits, used for various weather or ground conditions, it is good to have a bag.  So very much better than my old pair.  Cork handles, padded wicking wrist binds, a quick and sure adjustment tensioning system, and a bit more height.  Superior in every way, and as mentioned, at a third of the price.

The only negative is that they, at maximum height, just create a 90 degree angle at my elbow.  I don't have room for extra height going downhill.  Still... for now, and the price, they will do.

A shower.  Oh I do love those.  I was expecting to have to scrub and scrub and scrub.  It has... been a while.  Very strange, but... no scrubbing needed.  I did it anyway.  Washing my body three, four, maybe five times.  Washing my hair, over and over and a third or fourth time.  Conditioning, then washing and conditioning again.  It... wasn't necessary, save to my... emotional senses.  I... felt so unclean.  But, really, wasn't.  So very... strange.  It was, other than hair, as if I washed yesterday, and for the last week, daily.  Very strange.  Anyway... I am clean.

As well, the foot thing?  Turns out not to be a problem.  I thought it would burn, or that the flap would... be a loose piece of trouble.  But, no.  Not... so much.  Now to get to chores.

I had only had a fatted coffee, so far, today.  Testing blood sugar, it has risen to 155?  F#%@#34 jk$*2!n b*!!s)%t!  Fine.  I'll... I... just had sardines and keto crackers, a glass of water, and a dose of insulin.  Can hope that fixes it.  Not sure why it would go up.  Perhaps I used too much sweetener.  Still, a bit... annoying.

Pill medicine is in.  Sardines won't serve for a full meal, just a start at something.  I'm thinking beef and beans, or peas?  Thin slices, less than half an inch... closer to a quarter inch... by, say, four by two inches?  So, yea, not a lot.  But... it's good enough.  That and another fatted coffee, or maybe a fatted bouillon drink?  No sweetener to mess up with that.  Hmm... sure.

And... I think someone thinks... something.  Women are dirty.  Sure can be.

Looking around.

.

.

I found a vid.  Commando Survival Skills, is how it was billed.  I... didn't have to look.  But... I... had to look.  I always have doubts.  Though, after viewing it, I suspect it was legit.  The thing is, it was based on being in the military, in the main, and having gear and components that civvies really don't carry as a general rule.  Oh, there are tradeoffs.  If you don't have facepaint, perhaps you have lip balm (I usually don't carry either).  Actually, I don't carry anything which could fit that bill.  For use as a firestarter.  If traveling a bit, I generally like to have several means of igniting a fire.  But, usually, not including chemicals or fats.  Not sure I trust those for cooking, or believe they would do better than just standard dry kindling and starter.  Mostly.

I won't say it is completely obsolete, to my life.  But, pretty much, and in the main, both the methods and equipment are no longer in my lexicon.  I might end up doing similar things, but I wouldn't do them in the same way, save as an absolute last resort.  Still, it was interesting to watch.  I am sure, if from a Navy standpoint, I was taught many, most, perhaps all those things at some point.  But never used... well, perhaps used a few.  But... more for shiggles and gits, or in some class or exercise or group review of these things.  

I think we had to take off our dungarees, tie them off while in the pool, blow air into them, and use them as flotation devices, while in bootcamp.  But, I'm telling you, that... didn't work well.  I'm pretty sure it was a net negative.  Only one small subgroup of the men would have found any good out of that, because they couldn't swim to save their miserable lives.  Then again, I don't think they would have survived to create those improvised buoyancy devices.  Sank like rocks.  Panicked on the way down.  I loved watching them.

I just had to look.  And laugh a bit.  Oh, sure.  Some of them could work.  But not only expensive and wasteful, if who cares on Uncle Sam's nickel to a degree, but cumbersome and not terribly effective.  Then again, I think the idea wasn't to actually, necessarily, use these?  I am thinking, the idea was to create the idea of seeing what needed done, and doing it.  In the "drink" (drink = ocean, sea, big body of water)?  Find flotation.  Then find something for warmth perhaps.  Then find flares or signal devices, etc.  More to get you to think about what is needed, and how most efficiently to obtain what is needed.  But to triage the problems.  Are you going to drown or freeze first?  Take care of the biggest, most dangerous, problem first.

Boy Scouts stuff.  Or... when Boy Scouts weren't queer fodder... or outright female.  Be prepared.  All the badges were there to give you ideas, get you to form ideas, about how to stay alive, what is right and wrong, who to befriend and avoid, and such.  Only, more aimed at grownups who hadn't had that experience?  I had, for a while.  But, moving every year, with only one parent often, made that... improbable.  Just being from a single parent home, at that time, sort of excluded one from social acceptance.  Just the way of it.  Still, I learned my own tricks, for my own reasons.  Had to.  Everybody does.

I suppose I could show it, in that light.  But, really?  I'd rather find a more practical, civilian, video.  Which uses not .mil gear, but household gear.  Have to leave your area, for raiders?  What small things to pack and take, to live a bit better.  Look, life on the run will not be nice.  Get over that.  It will merely be a hope.  Not even a guarantee.

And, with Biden damaging gasoline vehicles, with more ethanol (which honestly isn't recommended to start), you might not even have vehicles in a bit.  Unless you can afford electric.  Though... getting them charged, in rolling brown and blackouts?  I... have doubts.  Everything is planned to keep you penned in with the animals they are loosing, while disarming you.  Shit will get real.  Laugh, but it isn't coming, it is here.  In your neighborhood?  Yet?  It will be.  Even mine.  No doubts, if this continues, or gets worse.  A nuke, or extended Ukraine thing, or expanded to a few other nations which wouldn't surprise me.  Seems to be what both sides want, and are pushing for.

Anyway.  Be thinking.  What could I take, what do I need, what would work if this failed, that failed, or everything fails?  Be ready for hell or highwater, maybe both.  And, heck, look up that or other videos like it.  But if it gets that far, and you don't have resupply caches/dumps?  Fuggetaboutit.  Just surrender to whoever comes pounding on your door?  If I would guess fighting, even if you are going to lose, might be the more humane way to go out?  Dunno.  But it is well on it's way.

Early afternoon.

.

.

Just awake at 15:00.  Dark, and relatively cool, at 67 in the main of the house, 70 upstairs, 71 in this front room, and 68 outside?  Wow, rather cool.  So I opened the front door a crack.  Next time I am able to be up and around, I will check the windows.  A few can be cracked open, with this sort of day.  Partly cloudy, but it seemed dark.  It may have been partly to mostly overcast earlier.  Now it is just scattered overcast, and mostly in the east?  From... what I saw and remember.

Just waking, so... the mind and memory aren't... fully... reliable yet.

I had a spot, a dry bit of skin, on my foot.  It seemed a minor flake, while I was mostly asleep.  So, I tried to tear it off, thinking it would be a quickly, slightly painful, pull.  But, no.  Rip, and rip, and rip, and... I... finally had to give up!  How much was on, or... wow.  No.  I'll have to look that over this morning.  Am I going to have to cut it, or bandage it?  Crazy things, when asleep.  Rather worried.  Cuts, on feet, are bad enough.  But on diabetics, those can be... very dangerous.  I'll... figure that out shortly.

I was concerned about blood sugar this morning.  Morning?  You know what I mean.  I had gotten it down, but it was a bit bouncy yesterday.  Oh, but I needn't have worried.  At 113 fasting, I can live with that.  The weekly average is reading 141, but that seems really high.  The last two days, giver or take, the general mood has been right around a hundred, give or take twenty (with the highest being 140 as a daily feeding reading).  Their algorithm... gets stuck, sometimes, I think.  It's not a direct average, I am almost sure.  I may have checked it a few times, keeping the tabs on a separate paper, and just averaging them.  I couldn't figure how their system.  New math, most likely.  Which, yes, I doubt.

Well... need to shower.  But have to wake first.  Which means a fatted coffee... which should be ready, the hot water.  And I have the stuff set up in the jar.  So... later.

Couldn't sleep.

.

.

Looked for a few ideas, while awake.  Things to think about, for good or ill.

Odds and ends, mostly for prepping, things to do, or some combination.  To be honest, I don't think hunting will be high on anyone's mind.  Oh, there will be a flush of hunting, if things go bad.  Right until there is nothing left to hunt.  Look at Africa, to find out what happens when bushmeat is allowed to be culled.

After bushmeat is gone, they begin to go after the cattle.  That ends up in a war.  Lots of people get killed in range wars.  Well... it's the way things go.  When people are starving, they aren't so worried about laws.  Heck, being shot, or even hung, is better than starvation.  Far better than watching one's family starve.

Still...  If that has nothing to do with anything, necessarily.  Now, I have few such needs, in any of these directions, mostly.  Well, can always use more food, and better, keto, storage, foods.  And, I'd love to get into pottery, if I'm not sure about the whole clay gathering thing.  It's a lot of work.  And, then, work, on work, on work.  But, in a world that has shut down, it might be... something to do.  As well, making your own black powder would lead you to make your own charcoal, so... things could mix and match.

Anyway... a few ideas, potentials, and prep ideas.

Raining?

.

.

I heard something, sounded like rain... but... who can be sure without looking.  Sure enough.  Checking the temp, it's 52 to 53.  So, not cold.  Could get cold, in a hurry, if the rain keeps up.  I heard the rain, then for a while didn't.  So, had to check.  Still raining, just not... in the same way.  Smaller drops?  Maybe more at an angle?  Of course, after checking, the rain started being audible again.  Ha.

While at it, I did a third charge up the stairs.  Just four sets, as usual.  Though this time I attempted to use fewer arm actions, and lighter ones.  Relying less often, and putting less weight on or strength into the arms.  Trying to work the legs more.  There is a bit of a limit to that, as the last four or five stairs are... complicated, at least when coming down.  I have to tuck my head down, and duck through.  Even so, I am... trying to use more legs than arms.  Well, that's the three.  If I can get another group yet tonight, I may well do so.  As long as I get three, and that doesn't break me, I don't care what else I do.  This first week, three per day.  Winded.  But... all good.

Blood sugar did come up a bit, to 111.  Still, I feel a bit off, and did before the stairs.  So, a fatted coffee is going down.  And, if I really still feel off, a can of sardines.  If all else fails, a single cup of fruit.  I am trying to work with real foods, and minimal amounts.  I have one ten piece container of carb tabs left.  Mints won't be in until, they say, Tuesday.  So I want to be careful.  Then again, the mints aren't for this type of situation, only when it goes below 70, or even 90 but I am already feeling it.  And it is continuing to drop.  Well, that and simple failures in food availability.  

Candy might be bad for you, but I guarantee, people on the plains, in the mountains, or near the coasts, without much else, would surely have praised God for couple of those in the winter, or during a storm, or whenever else things had gone dry.  And, I'd bet I could make a mean trade for a few of those.  People will pay fortunes for just the dream of the good times.  To taste it?  The more.  And all I would want for Christmas is someone to weed the garden.  :p  Just a bit early, mind you.  Weeding, then mints, all I'm saying else.

Oh, I did push things, buying more foods.  Things really are going south and souther faster than...  It's not looking good.  I am half expecting, literally, a minor nuclear event in or near middle Europe.  They are pushing for it, and going to get it.  I swear, I don't know how the supporters, on either side of the aisle, don't see this coming.  While I can plainly see that seems to be a strong potential for what is being pushed for by the elites of one party and a subgroup of the others.  Neocons... doing their thing, along with the "other" party.

More food.  Just hoping it gets here before the trucks are parked... for fuel costs, parts, or "green" policies... or some sick mix of all.  Nasty out there, and it won't get better for... perhaps beyond my lifetime... that assuming I live for thirty years.  Candy.  Get some.  Even just to give to kids, as you regale them with stories about Halloween, and bags full of candy... bags and bags!  Every year!  So much candy that parents could steal much and it not even be noticed... unless they stole all the snickers, or some particular brand.  Though, maybe not even then if it was just Milkey Ways!  :)

Don't think I jest.  Though, probably a good thing, on some levels.  Minus the nuking thing.  Did we destroy ourselves, and children, with excess?  I'm thinking some parts of it, yes.  Though, it is more our elites deciding to corrupt and destroy us, regardless of our minor ills, that is taking us down.  They seem to be quite willing to kill million, possibly billions, of us.  And us, here in the US, as primary targets.  They want all the lessors to live like Africans.  And die like them.  Cheaply.

Well... it's a day.

.

.

Moving on into evening.  If... more like my personal afternoon.

Blood sugar has gone from 150 to 113, now to 84.  But it doesn't feel bad.  Time to eat, though. even so.  I'm not hungry, but I'm not... not hungry.  I could eat, a bit.  One fatted coffee, so far.  But that is it.  Brats... and fried eggs?  Sounds good to me.  Sounds really good.  And, perhaps, hot water with chicken bullion, and maybe a few tablespoons of powdered cream.  Trying to get used to eating odd foods, in case I go trail scamping.  Nothing fancy.  I wouldn't be pushing too hard.  But... I... would want some reasonably keto foods.  This would do.  Well, the pseudo soup part would.

I am also trying to cut to a meal a day.  Though, how much I eat in that meal is more than a singular meal, if need be.  The last two days have been very light eating.  All good, though I won't push that too hard.  If I am hungry, still, I will eat.  I must be getting back into ketosis.  The lack of hunger is an obvious giveaway.  I have had trouble getting into, and staying, in ketosis.  Because I have been eating whatever I could find, while adjusting to being back on medications.  It takes a bit.

But, now, with food prepared ahead of time, just needing heated, and the right foods... plus more available... I have been doing well that way.  Blood sugar shows it.  Though, too, sometimes, blood sugar goes off the rails for no good reason.  It just does, high or low.  But, today is good.  So long as I can get enough food in to manage any problems.

I did another set of stairs.  Look, I know it isn't much.  But it is as much as I can do, right now, today, and yesterday.  It is wearing me out.  My ankles, as mentioned, even get a little numb for it.  And, that is with no extra fluid buildup in them.  Medicine has been keeping that secure.  But, that is a recent thing... the last week or two has seen me get that under better control... with occasional extra waterpills.  

I am not sure how extra fluid built up in places acts on things, but I would guess it can't be good.  Over time, the tissues; muscles, ligaments, veins, capillaries, and whatever else, stress for it.  I do my best, but... it is what it is.  Anyway... so, my ankles get numb.  But less numb, over time, slightly?  And recover quicker?  Maybe?  I'll keep at it.  The goal is three.  But if I can get four sets in, I will.

Even my leg muscles get fairly tight, burn.  I'll keep at it.  If I have to take a day or two off, I will.  Nothing fancy.  I'll keep at it as able.  I really do need to do something, even if it is this little nothing of a workout.  Would have been doing it but I couldn't.  Now I can, for now, for a while... we will see.

Well, on to get some food before I hit a hard bump.  Later.

Ugh.

.

.

Waterers... almost all the bigger ones, save what was out.  And half the smaller ones, or so.  A lot of very little fiddly work, mostly costing time.  But... done.  I'll get that out shortly, after a minor break.  It's amazing how long such seemingly minor bits or work can take.  I am hoping to purchase three more little waterers, or nine if they have them, when I get feed.  I don't absolutely need feed, this month, but... want to get it in.  Before it isn't available or affordable, if it hasn't already gone past that point.

The temp went up two degrees out there.  Yea!?!  Well... if someone insists.  Though, really, it is staying right around 70 in here.  So it is rather... pleasant, all around.  And, at 65 out there, it really isn't bad, if because there has been a lot of time to acclimate.  If It had been 90 for the last month, and dropped to that... that would be different.  Or, if it had been in the 30s for the last month, and suddenly changed.  But, no.  This... is about where it has been for a month.  Maybe slightly warmer, sometimes slightly cooler, but... this... is normal, mostly.

What is surprising, to me, is that it doesn't seem to matter if the sun is up, and out, or not.  It is staying in the 70s.  Which means weather bands are... altered.  I wonder if Alaska/Canada is warmer than usual, again?  The south seems to be hotter and more arid.  But what about Mexico, Chile, Australia?  It's not really the temps that are off, it is where they are hitting?  I think so.  However, that it is cloudy, yet in June?  That part, too, is quite... strange.

The ribs are still doing mostly very good.  I have to check around for the area that hurts.  It's in there, but the pain is much milder, much more spotty, and even that over a much smaller area.  Almost feeling human again, or as close to human as I get.  Tired as the devil, as they say.  Can't really get going on things.  Want to... can't pull myself out of the exhaustion crushing me.  The dark, and cool.  Though, only a few weeks, perhaps month, into restarting medicine.  It... does that to me.  That stuff is potent.  And, puts... like... a cast... think broken arm cast... on my heart.  To slow it's beats, and make it's actions more mild.  A lot more mild.  So, yes, it... takes a toll, until my body can adjust to that, again, again.  

Should be... seeing daylight, literally and proverbially, before long.  But, as it goes, it goes.  And, one weakness causes weakness from other things to be exacerbated.  Fearing the blazing summer, but... it might allow me to be more active, sooner.  Especially now that I am tolerating heat better.  But that initial onslaught... I... don't know.

Well, a bit of a break, then chores, litter boxes, trash, recycling, and such.  Maybe brats and... something.  At least I have food readied, for easy heating and consumption.  The good stuff, meats.  And I am eating very lightly.  Who knows, I may actually begin losing some mild weight.  Later.

Up.

.

.

Twelve hours of sleep, and had to force getting out of bed even then.  No sun.  Overcast and 63 outside, at 15:30?  June 5th?  Crazy.  But, there it is.  A great day for sleeping, mind you.  If... one wanted to sleep.  If one, or this one, wants up?  I had to make a break for it.

Steps, first thing.  Just... four sets.  Five is a bit much, six is way out.  Four has me nicely tired and my muscles at a minor burn.  Oh, and my ankles become slightly numb.  So... that... probably means something.  The goal, at least three sets during the day... three sets of four.  When I can do that without the rails, I will begin adding sets.  Actually, before then.  Even if it feels too tight, I'll add more weekly.  All... goals.  Who knows if they can be obtained, maintained through time.  But... there it is.

Sassy was fed first thing.  Chores soon.  Will clear her litter, and actually clear and replace it for the month.  But, this time, add in a third place for her to go.  Having three makes it really easy to keep up.  And, should I slip just a bit, it gives her options right there.

Blood sugar was 150?  I think, because my sleep is so off, again, it... will be irregular.  What it takes to keep my health in balance is beyond my capacity.  Then again, it seems to be beyond medicine, too.  When, that is, I can take it.  So, a fatted coffee and a light dose of fast acting insulin.  Well, and pills.  I forgot last night's meds, so will try to catch those up today.  I was sure I took them.  Bleh.

Trash, and recycling, out today.  This time I will try to get boxes out as well.  Whatever I can fit in.  Not sure there is all that much out, or to go out, but boxes... even broken down and mashed as possible, take up a lot of space.  Still, what I can get out will go out.

That, a trim, and shower, plus food... and stair sets... will be today.  At best.  Possibly little more, but more by incident than purpose.  Later.

Late.

.

.

Could be worse.  Around 3:30, and 51 outside, 70 around the house.

A decent meal.  Three thin slices of roast beef, with the last of the broccoli.

Blood sugar is excellent, has been most of the "day".  Started high, at 190.  Then dropped to 91.  I caught it, and got something down, before it became a problem.  Got it to 111, and now it is 115.  Only one dose of fast acting insulin, and the slow acting a couple of hours ago.

Pill meds in.  Just that one meal, if with two fatted coffees.  Cutting down on cream, or trying.  Trying to get it to about two tablespoons per.

Ribs are... nearly normal.  Very strange how quickly they improved after weeks of trouble.  The water pills did the deed, I think.  But, not taking it every day... extra that is.  Taking extra every other, to every third day, for whatever reason, is what fixed it.  It's like the body could only drain just so much extra.  But had a lot in there.  That area is nearly back to normal.  Just a bit cranky.  But... I think that may just be the area, tissues, trying meld after being a blood puddle for a bit.  Or, just sore from that.  But, seems to be empty in there.  Just... slightly uncomfortable as it finishes healing.

Oh!  My mother called today.  She is doing better.  What a relief.  I know how nasty that stuff is.  Have had it myself.  But without having my immune system compromised.  I was rather worried.  So very relieved.  Had to wake up, for the call, but was hoping it was her.  I'll let her call me, until she is back to a regular schedule.  I make sure to tell her I love her, especially these last few calls.  I want her to know.  Without doubts.  I... we... have had problems.  Cool.  That... is finished.  A saint, or as one.  As with children.  She is grateful for your prayers.

I did do steps.  But was only able to do six sets, and just once.  I am tired.  I was only able to do the last set in parts, because I had meant to get new treats for Sassy, stored up there.  So, after finishing five, I realized I had forgotten.  Had to trudge up, and down.  I am using the rails and walls to get up there, if I am getting up quickly.  Fast but running down so very fast.  I'll... keep at it.  

Well... on to bed.  Goodnight.  Godspeed.  Pleasant dreams.  And all that jazz.