Days and nights...

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Trying to get them twisted back around.  I pushed with every ounce of what I had to offer, and was able to stay up until about 16:00 last evening.  Not sure when I woke.  I was a zombie, getting out of bed, getting downstairs, tinkering.

Just gaming.  Wait, no, I did make some payments, and placed some orders.  Ugh, trying to keep up on things.  Keeping up on business, but not much else.  Hey, I'll take what I can, when I can.  And, yes, keeping up on business and finances really helps.

It's a rough go.  Elsewise.  Lungs, sometimes, still problematic.  Not as bad as it has been lately.  Blood and bubbles, just not as much.  And, not every day, or all the time.  Just... once every few days, and lighter lately.  All good.

Gaming, and hurting.

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Lungs are messed up.  Better, but still... troubling.  The odd thing is, I don't dare use more waterpills.  The problem is the heart, not fluid buildup.  Headache, body aches, sore in the oddest of ways.  Fine.  I'll... make it through, or not.  Haven't been spitting up bloody mucus, on the good side.  It's just backup, from the heart, nothing... too terrible.

A post I meant to put out yesterday morning seems to have gotten lost, so I put it back out.  Yes, a woman seems to be tinkering, or the AI.  I have been enjoying, in any case.  I really like women, or... the idea of them?  The memory of them?  I can just enjoy what was, as I remember it.  No fuss, these days.  I liked fuss, when I could manage it.

Someone sent a vid, suggesting I am delusional.  Fine!  This one should know better.  I have spoken directly to their thoughts, if here.  They know I see.  Is it... jealousy?  Or, a refusal to believe there are... different types of folk, folk who can see?  When people were tricked, by the notion of Santa, or the Easter Bunny, or some even believe Christ isn't real... I think because He doesn't just give them whatever they want?  Or didn't protect them from some of the horrors in this world?  Whatever.  But the thing is, if they feel stilted by humanity, or this or that?  They refuse to believe... anything.  Which is odd, because usually these types believe everything ELSE, save what is true.

Love the things she says.

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Just... had to believe.  And, added one more, just to make sure, but of my own.  Oh, she gets it.  We wanted to be normies so badly.  But that just isn't so.

Something got me to thinking.

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I wrote about a woman I knew, loved, who could see.  She was real.  Could... see, as in as psychics see.  As mentioned, I feel, or... see through feelings... of others.  What I meant by that is, I... sense things, through human emotions.  Everything, or most, of what I "see" comes from humans, on an emotional basis.  Or, through my emotions?  It's... odd.  Not all things I see could be presented from human emontions.  For those things haven't happened?  Some don't involve humans.  But... it's... the idea.  Maybe it is filtered through my emotional senses?  While she would see events, things, people, places plainly.  She might or might not have an emotional response, but that... is different.

We... met... through our various sights.  Initially hiding from each other.  There is bumping uglies, then there is... bumping minds.  Oh, I know there are others out there, who see.  But meeting one?  Or becoming known as one, by anybody?  You learn to hide some... things.  For some of us, many things are to remain hidden.  Seeing is one of them.  Even, or especially, from others who see.

In any case, after initial terror, on both sides, curiosity got to both of us.  In part due to the extreme fear, and resembled responses?  In time we met, more personally, privately, explored our gifts, minds, then bodies.  The pleasures we knew, I would guess, will only be known in heaven.  Though there was the physical, if that was... quite... the lessor of the things.

Trouble breathing.

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Fluid backing up into my lungs.  I've been fighting that for a while.  But shouldn't be?  I am drinking less fluid, and using compression socks, which combined is seeing very little fluid build up in the legs.  I need a break, every three to five days, a day off.  But, when I get back to it, I'm still doing good.

Though, that... may just not be the issue.  It may just be the heart is beginning to pump even less strongly, so it wouldn't matter how much fluid I have.  It is blood backing up into the lungs.  I still have some water pills, which can help.  But not many.  Then again, with the rest of the fluids managed, I don't think I need to take waterpills for that AND for the heart.

A pleasant night.

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It got down at least to 47.  It may have gotten cooler, I just forgot to check.  It was up to 56 by 8:30 or so.  Then again, that was... what... two hours after sunup, three?  I closed most of the windows up at about three.  The upstairs is still open.  I think I'll make sure all windows are closed, then go on up and close the upstairs windows and go on to bed shortly.

Feeling rough.  I have given up on Resident Evil 4 remake.  It isn't even just the difficulty?  But it looks like time gets randomly added, certain items which should be available to buy aren't always available, and the game just cheats.  While playing on the easiest, or second easiest, it will begin to play as if on a very hard setting.

Either the game is bugged, so that hitting the marks are impossible, or will be made so if one gets near, or the game is rigged to not allow getting through.  Those who get through, it is my contention, either got a game which allows it, as a random thing.  Or, with the game "guru's", they are given copies which allow the possibility of getting through the game in a faster time.  So, I moved on.

More, some new.

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Just rolling along.  It could just all be coincedence.  If... there is no such thing.

Watching them roll in, collecting them, collating?  Sharing.

I do miss having a woman around.  Mean as chipmonks, twice as squirrely, with tails and tales.  Something about them.  Mostly, sometimes, usually?  Here.

Love that cheese.

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I have been known to mock the French.  Cheese eating surrender monkeys, I... think was the favored term.  I am... in part... French.  But, in truth, I am as French as I am Spanish, Lakota, and Dine... not dine, but more like "da neh", or "de ney".  Or Sioux and Navajo, in common parlance.  Well, it's in the blood, and that means more than I once would have thought.

Anyway, so... cheese eating surrender monkeys?  Aye.  And... there is some truth to it.  If too, reasons for those truths.

First?  They fought two world wars, losing half their best men in each.  So... not wishing to fight only makes sense.  Seriously, if all you get out of wars you are all but set up to lose is death and misery, destruction and loss?  Yea.

Awake.

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Have been for a while, to be honest.  When did I wake up though?  I just... can't be sure.  Perhaps around 19:30?  I checked outdoors, about then, and it was 60 out.  Already that cool?  It got warm today.  While I was sleeping, I could tell.  Not hot, or terribly hot, but to the high 70s, low to mid 80s, if I had to guess.

That left it at about 75 upstairs.  Strangely?  That was good sleeping weather, for me.  I had the windows open, upstairs, and fans on.  So that helped.  But it just wasn't miserable.  It was... very good sleeping weather.  I think I am tired of the cold?  Very strange, for me to say, but true.

The downstairs, shut up, from the outside and from the upstairs, stayed in the low 70s, or high 60s.  Very peculiar.  Though it does look like a weather system moved in.  No rain, but it could happen at any time.

Not a bad day.

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It wasn't as bad today.  Whatever has been ailing me has light lifted.  Still there, but like after a long swim, a quarter through, on a tough day, getting on a raft for just a bit.  How will it be tomorrow?  The day after?  I will never know until I get there.  I tell you, if you lead a bland, standard, life.  Even if it is very busy, hectic, tiresome, tiring?  Enjoy it.  For, if you ever get to where one day feels like death, the next is good, or weeks, and sometimes things are great?  But you never know?  It's... difficult.

Bad enough that work is outside the possibilities?  Often, usually.  I can... push things, for a while.  Try.  Do.  Then... I fall.  It's how it goes.  Sometimes I can work longer, weeks, even months.  Often though, if I get a good week a month, I am doing better.  It's more like a week out of the last few months.

Finishing a load, in the dryer.  Three pair of pants I will put up.  Shirts to follow.  Shirts are trickier.  They get very badly wrinkled... unless ironed before being put up, then being tucked in very carefully.  I was on submarines.  That is how we did it.  Kept a civy and dress uniform, for going out when we finally pulled into port.  Kept them under our mattres pad.  Or, I did.  Wanted something that didn't smell too bad.  Yes, sumbarines smelled, too.  Home just like home.

A difficult few days.

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Worse than... it has been.  At least I was mostly comfortable.  As in, my heart didin't hurt, I could breath more easily, things like that.  I'll be taking a dose and double of aspirin as I go to sleep.  This isn't the worst pain I have ever suffered, even just in the heart.  But it is a bit more uncomfortable than usual, in that it is a group of things causing problems.

COPD is much worse.  But in a strange way.

I did get something done.  A project on my long to do list.  I botched a portion of it.  But will manage that in time.  Still, for the most part, it is pretty well done.  Shower curtains, and rod.  I wanted to move the rod further away from the tub, so I have more room to stand, without feeling crowded by the shower curtain(s).