True agony.

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Not sure why the wound sites are carrying on so.  Debriding, at this point, may just be too much.  I think I will be delaying the next process for a couple of weeks.  Looking before going even then.  Is half their job to push people out, causing enough pain that they don't come back?  That is... part of the process?

Brutal.  My leg has been killing me since the topical wore off.  I changed bandaging, that did nothing.  Asleep or awake, the pain is just too much.  I am out of my milder form of lidocaine.  There is amazon, but they take a week to three weeks these days..  Just... if I can find it local, that would be much better.  I think I looked.  It seems more expensive, but isn't that much more expensive after amazon adds whatever, and assuming what you get from amazon is legit.  On anything you are wanting, that is compounded or chemically patented, you have, I would say, a 50/50 chance.  Even then you may pay too much.

What a dark day.

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I eventually got to bed, probably shortly after that last post.  Very shortly.  The pain was coming and going before going to bed.  And after.  With intensity I just don't understand.  Quiet agony, writhing.  Mostly the old wound, but the knee, elbow for some unknown reason, even the closed and nearly closed roadrash areas.  

Everything hurt, off and on, sometimes in single servings powerful enough to buckle, cripple, me... for short bits.  Sometimes I could sleep for a while.  Sometimes all I could do is silently scream and just hold on.  What was I holding onto?  It was like trying to keep my body cohesive, together, as if squeezing, tightening, muscles and whatnot could help with the pain.

Silent screams.

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The shower was easier than I thought.  Even washing the wounds.  No problems.  Binding the knee, cleaning the old wound with saline and sterile gauze, both went well.  Packing the old wound with the honey poultice and adding the packing bandage went really well.  I thought that part would hurt.

Now... putting compression socks back on?  Silent screams.  That was finished ten minutes ago, and it's still as if I poured some gas in, and lit it.  I... will give it more time to settle, next time.  But I did need compression.  My legs are bloating, and I'm adding a good deal of water weight again.  But... I... can let the bandage and honey goo settle a bit first, next time.  Oh my word.

I'll try again.

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Everything that could hurt, did, has been... all night.  And each in every way possible.  The wounds... hurt as open sores, as bruises, and other things.  The twisted joints hurt as such, as bruises, as swollen places, and every movement has been agony.  Tonight is a special sort of hurt.

If this is some sort of price, I pay it gladly.  If it will help, directly, or through sympathy or empathy, with those in purgatory?  All good.  I... don't mind.  It's just that I haven't been able to sleep for it all.  Painpills have done absolutely nothing.  Which... is fine.

Yea?

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Look, I was graced with suffering, and pain.  And... I took it like any red-blooded American man, from my time, should.  Regardless of my... many troubles aside.  Pain, and being useless in the world, is... difficult.  I tried just about everything, save a great height.  Since nothing else worked, I feared becoming a broken... thing... or more broken.

Half an hour to 17:00.

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I... can't do much.  Still haven't showered, not sure I will, can.  But... I am pushing through the day.  It hurts.  Not a headache, but a mind ache.  And, yes, the heart hurts.  Denying it sleep stresses the thing.  And, yet, if I don't, I suspect I would have died long ago.  Have to... push, just not too hard?  Something like that.

While up, I was looking through y.t.  It is lightly moving, showing new things, showing old things.  It had been stuck for... a long time.  I did find a few things I enjoyed.