.
.
I would rather rip through tasks, learning, fun, and life like a vorpal sword through the necks of the damned, but... that is no more for me than is vengeance. Well, there is always the chance that one might be used as a tool for any such, and... so it has been. But now, today in particular, life must be simple. I never got to reading, just... never got there. The table has been cleared of tools, food has been heated and eaten and a meal will be cooked shortly. A few other nick-nack tasks have been completed, more by incident than with intent. It isn't terrible, I suppose, to just sit. It just, I have things to do. I have the tools, supplies, even the energy. How many damned things have to be just so? Too many, I'll just say it.
I did, finally, remember to reset my medicines. Oh, yeah, I know. Going through all the trouble to get to see the doctor, then skipping out on upping the dose until now? Well, there were occasional memory and energy problems. Simply, I would forget, then when I remembered I would be too tired to be able to make sense of... what... a possible complete reorganization of my medicine container? It turned out to be quite simple, really. While the new meds are 12.5, and the old meds are 25 (which I was cutting in half and taking two per day), the new dose was set at 18.75 mg. Well, that just meant cutting a 12.5 in half and adding it to the 1/2 tabs of 25/2 or 12.5 tabs. Well... okay, that... turned out easy enough. I received my medicine from my Ogden doc. I'll have to call him back, or the nurse, or secretary, or social worker, or... whomever they hand my call. I told him I would begin taking a medicine he believed I needed, and said would be on the way, but did not arrive in the package. No, no, not mad. Mistakes in such huge systems are common.
I called my mother tonight. She has had a busy social day, with her boyfriend's family having arrived to stuff a special sort of potato and meat sausage they have used for family Christmas celebrations since before arriving in the states, common to their old country. It isn't just for Christmas, my guess though is since things used to be available (including the time to make these) around this time of year, they became synonymous with Christmas, or the feast for it. The good thing is their family gathers and works together, toward a common end and just reward. Social, religious, tribal, all rolled into one. More so since occasionally they invite non-family members to join in. She prepared part of the feast for the work itself. She was tired from the prep and then the day. Which is good.
She had some notions regarding the hanging plants, one of them I have implemented. While not ideal, for the long run, it is perfect for the moment. I have moved one of the plants, the healthier looking of the two, to the top of my 'china cabinet'. That was moved in the cleaning so that the girls can no longer get up on it, meaning the plant is safe. The long term problems are that it is colder, being higher up, and that the plant would receive little light. I am hoping, by mid to late next week, the magnet will be here or I will be in a condition to mount a attic climb. So... and I have a green growing thing out in the open. Cleans the air, of course, but... just reminds me that there is life, along with the girls. Flora and fauna, in home, all good. The other plant got a good spraying of luke warm water, sitting in the tub as it is, and looking a bit pale still. I have done that twice for it, once for the other plant. The iller looking plant is perking up for it. It wasn't too bad, or I wouldn't have bought it. And I think the shock of the cold air, and travel, wilted it a bit as well. It should be full strength in a day or so.
I was telling my mother about how I had rarely watered my plants in Iowa, and laughed about how my lady friend had gotten so unhappy with me about that and the fact that my plants did fine. My plants not only lived, but thrived, with me. When I would give her one she would kill it in weeks or months. I laughingly suggested I only watered my plants as little as every six months. My mother worriedly asked if I would water them more often here. I had to chuckle at her, but promised *fingers crossed* I would do it weekly, as she suggested. Hehehe Heck, my plants, in Iowa, could be lifted out of their pots. There was no more soil, really, holding them in. And STILL they thrived. My mother had about as much sense of humor about things as did my lady friend. Plant killers, they are. Love em' to death or something. What a HOOT!
No, not a bad day. Not at all. Just not what I wanted from this day, from myself. I want to run, jump, climb, hammer, saw, move, clean, cook, read, write, play, and... live. Well, and the rest. *grins* I just can't do it, always. Other than that, my heart seems to be behaving. I am enjoying the quiet comfort of hearth and home, if missing a woman type. I have been able to give the girls more attention than usual. No, not bad. No pain, no worries really, plans are taking shape, projects are being started with some real prospect of being completed, toys and tools have been or are in the process of being obtained, and life does go on.
Hmm, a steak, I think. Yes indeed, plus mashed potatoes, gravy, and asparagus. I might even see if gaming is reasonable while I boil a small pot of potatoes. Yes, I saw the Idaho "potatoes", mom. I'll save those for some time where time is an issue. Making mashed potatoes the old fashioned way will give me time between messing with those and doing the steak, time off my feet in between tasks, and yet allow me to feel like I've done more. And... I still think I like the old fashioned way much better, regardless. Just... how I am.
Good night, perhaps.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
When a weak heart yelps.
.
.
While I and my doctors, in our own ways, doubt the depth or truth of the weakness of my heart, when I push past both test and then real limits I find myself being humbled by the truth. How far I can push past the limits is amazing. The price is a little unnerving. My heart will begin sticking at what seems like a mouse's pace. I don't know that it is truly beating faster, but there is a sense that something is working too fast or hard and that it is stuck there. Slowing down, or even stopping outright, at that point, does nothing to alter the thing. Only time, days, of rest and some other things seem to eventually help. I've only had faint hints of it, so far, today, but enough to know to STOP. After having gone through several longer and harder episodes in the last week, I won't be pushing things one inch further. My heart is 'sore' today, tired. I can feel it grumbling. No, not the symptoms of a heart attack, merely the organ letting me know to back things down. Two trips to town yesterday was at least one, and possibly two, trips too many.
My home is pretty much in order. Dishes are done, counters clean, the table is a bit messy with three projects on the books littering the surface. I may slowly, lightly, sort that table today. The drill and bits that I set there while figuring to install hanging planters can go back to the laundry room to join that original project, some cans can be put up, and some other tools may be stored. I had considered figuring out how to crawl into the crawlspace above the ceilings in order to find a joist and mark it in a minor way (with finishing nails on either side), using the drilled holes as a rough guide as to which joist to use. That would take a serious series of minor efforts, starting with unloading my closet and bringing in the multi-ladder, though twisting my giant form to fit into then through a small ceiling trap, at a weird angle, mostly in the dark, with a low ceiling to navigate as well, would certainly add to the effort. No extreme effort sum total would be needed and I don't dare. I have been keeping up on the girls, barf and all now that I have a better understanding of that and more tools and a spray for that. Food prep and medicine, reading, and resting, but no sleeping. Oddly, sleeping is usually no help, and can hurt no matter how alluring it might seem at times, at least until I have used up 'enough energy'(tm). Today will need to be a slow day. I won't even be gaming. Believe it or else, but my games can stress me, more so after I have stressed myself physically.
Since I have gumption but no "go", today might be a good day to begin reading again. While I really enjoy Chesterton, being that his material was written long ago and requires an historical and linguistic form of translation, as with many of my philosophy, economic, and political tomes, I will probably forgo his and the others works for now, and instead hit up one of the C.S. Lewis books I collected. The Screwtape Letters or Mere Christianity are the ones I have heard most discussed, the former being much more commonly discussed by those in my various circles. Having come from Protestantism, and having rejected it, and more recently, for specific reasons, I do not worry about "being lead astray". Further, I know other Catholics who are strong in their faith who have recommended this book. It won't be difficult for me to translate or note differences, for the most part. The reading might call for some clarifications, definition research, and such. That is what scratch pads are for. Plus, I am quite curious. After hearing about this book since I was a child, just never quite finding this particular book in my hands at a moment where it could be read, it is about time. How odd, fate, reality, and the workings and doings of when and where something desired does come to pass, perhaps even after it's prime due, isn't it?
Yes, my heart hurts. As well, it weakens me down to a very humble station in life. I don't even mind that. In some ways being humbled is a great gift. It allows me to see, without doubt, that God is in command of all things. I live, now, at the mercy of a very harsh world. Not that I am toothless, only that I could neither flee nor fight for long. And, yet, here I am. I have always liked the notion of coming to God as a child. We do in any case, but some reject even that certainty. No, I mean for our part. I reject that we should follow those who would lead us as children though, people are not capable of leading others who have blinded themselves. No, I mean first learning what it means to be a responsible adult, living that way, then learning what parts of that are not necessary and yielding those to the will of God. This illness helps me... practice that. More some times than others, albeit. It is a gift, if a hard one, at times. Urhm, and for an ogre, the notion can be somewhere between cute and funny, even evincing a gutteral chuckle or laugh to be lauded in it's sincerity, depth, and perhaps infectious nature! This is true, at least for one with a lighthearted but true sense of gallows humor to boot. Heh!
So, a day down. Monday will be as soon as I can get my vehicle in to check the dummy light. Until then I really need to rest. I fear being "stuck" reading though. Maybe it won't be as bad as it sounds. I stopped reading when focus and memory began to... become difficult. Those have improved. Maybe I could love to read again? Who knows. I do know there are probably a million books out there, mostly old ones, which I have longed to delve. There are things to be known, or at least pondered. If too there is no true gain, save... the hunger for thought being sated and perhaps an angle or two left to be considered for even practical purposes, but just as many angles of many sorts to be... analyzed.
Ah. Never mind. Good day.
.
While I and my doctors, in our own ways, doubt the depth or truth of the weakness of my heart, when I push past both test and then real limits I find myself being humbled by the truth. How far I can push past the limits is amazing. The price is a little unnerving. My heart will begin sticking at what seems like a mouse's pace. I don't know that it is truly beating faster, but there is a sense that something is working too fast or hard and that it is stuck there. Slowing down, or even stopping outright, at that point, does nothing to alter the thing. Only time, days, of rest and some other things seem to eventually help. I've only had faint hints of it, so far, today, but enough to know to STOP. After having gone through several longer and harder episodes in the last week, I won't be pushing things one inch further. My heart is 'sore' today, tired. I can feel it grumbling. No, not the symptoms of a heart attack, merely the organ letting me know to back things down. Two trips to town yesterday was at least one, and possibly two, trips too many.
My home is pretty much in order. Dishes are done, counters clean, the table is a bit messy with three projects on the books littering the surface. I may slowly, lightly, sort that table today. The drill and bits that I set there while figuring to install hanging planters can go back to the laundry room to join that original project, some cans can be put up, and some other tools may be stored. I had considered figuring out how to crawl into the crawlspace above the ceilings in order to find a joist and mark it in a minor way (with finishing nails on either side), using the drilled holes as a rough guide as to which joist to use. That would take a serious series of minor efforts, starting with unloading my closet and bringing in the multi-ladder, though twisting my giant form to fit into then through a small ceiling trap, at a weird angle, mostly in the dark, with a low ceiling to navigate as well, would certainly add to the effort. No extreme effort sum total would be needed and I don't dare. I have been keeping up on the girls, barf and all now that I have a better understanding of that and more tools and a spray for that. Food prep and medicine, reading, and resting, but no sleeping. Oddly, sleeping is usually no help, and can hurt no matter how alluring it might seem at times, at least until I have used up 'enough energy'(tm). Today will need to be a slow day. I won't even be gaming. Believe it or else, but my games can stress me, more so after I have stressed myself physically.
Since I have gumption but no "go", today might be a good day to begin reading again. While I really enjoy Chesterton, being that his material was written long ago and requires an historical and linguistic form of translation, as with many of my philosophy, economic, and political tomes, I will probably forgo his and the others works for now, and instead hit up one of the C.S. Lewis books I collected. The Screwtape Letters or Mere Christianity are the ones I have heard most discussed, the former being much more commonly discussed by those in my various circles. Having come from Protestantism, and having rejected it, and more recently, for specific reasons, I do not worry about "being lead astray". Further, I know other Catholics who are strong in their faith who have recommended this book. It won't be difficult for me to translate or note differences, for the most part. The reading might call for some clarifications, definition research, and such. That is what scratch pads are for. Plus, I am quite curious. After hearing about this book since I was a child, just never quite finding this particular book in my hands at a moment where it could be read, it is about time. How odd, fate, reality, and the workings and doings of when and where something desired does come to pass, perhaps even after it's prime due, isn't it?
Yes, my heart hurts. As well, it weakens me down to a very humble station in life. I don't even mind that. In some ways being humbled is a great gift. It allows me to see, without doubt, that God is in command of all things. I live, now, at the mercy of a very harsh world. Not that I am toothless, only that I could neither flee nor fight for long. And, yet, here I am. I have always liked the notion of coming to God as a child. We do in any case, but some reject even that certainty. No, I mean for our part. I reject that we should follow those who would lead us as children though, people are not capable of leading others who have blinded themselves. No, I mean first learning what it means to be a responsible adult, living that way, then learning what parts of that are not necessary and yielding those to the will of God. This illness helps me... practice that. More some times than others, albeit. It is a gift, if a hard one, at times. Urhm, and for an ogre, the notion can be somewhere between cute and funny, even evincing a gutteral chuckle or laugh to be lauded in it's sincerity, depth, and perhaps infectious nature! This is true, at least for one with a lighthearted but true sense of gallows humor to boot. Heh!
So, a day down. Monday will be as soon as I can get my vehicle in to check the dummy light. Until then I really need to rest. I fear being "stuck" reading though. Maybe it won't be as bad as it sounds. I stopped reading when focus and memory began to... become difficult. Those have improved. Maybe I could love to read again? Who knows. I do know there are probably a million books out there, mostly old ones, which I have longed to delve. There are things to be known, or at least pondered. If too there is no true gain, save... the hunger for thought being sated and perhaps an angle or two left to be considered for even practical purposes, but just as many angles of many sorts to be... analyzed.
Ah. Never mind. Good day.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Well? Okay, maybe another tack is needed.
.
.
A bit of this and that, the non-contact voltage detector is a dud, so will be going back. *sigh* Never mind, I'll find a joist and get going on that. My handy dandy joist/stud detector, checked and rocking, in hand, I head into the computer room. Ah, a joist! *drill* Hmm, must have been a little off. Ah, a joist! Hmm, well, one more time. No joist was to be found. *le sigh* Okay, so what does YouTube have to say? Is it the new magic mirror or what? Anyway... this is what one man there had to say.
.
A bit of this and that, the non-contact voltage detector is a dud, so will be going back. *sigh* Never mind, I'll find a joist and get going on that. My handy dandy joist/stud detector, checked and rocking, in hand, I head into the computer room. Ah, a joist! *drill* Hmm, must have been a little off. Ah, a joist! Hmm, well, one more time. No joist was to be found. *le sigh* Okay, so what does YouTube have to say? Is it the new magic mirror or what? Anyway... this is what one man there had to say.
Angry!
.
.
Yes, fine, so I have been doing bits and pieces. What I have been failing to do is complete purchases, and processes, so that I can complete anything clearly or cleanly. Buying the drywall repair goods, but missing this and that. Buying peppers and spices for the sauce, but not all of them or everything. On and on the list went. Tonight, when I realized how much I still needed I decided to go right back into town and finish three projects, new and old, and buy a tool or two that had been on the immediate use list anyway.
I stopped at the hardware store first. Those plants in hangers I bought? Yeah, well, though I have wall/ceiling anchors, I don't have a single hook with the length needed to go through the drywall and into wood! Now I do, and fairly substantial ones. I also, finally, bought a non-contact voltage tester, along with a tester for outlets (plug-in). I bought, essentially, bailing wire as well, to put aluminum pie tins under the hanging plants. Pie tins I would buy at my next stop. So, okay for those sets of projects. Next to the grocery store. I have, after searching four stores, not found Thai peppers. I will use a thin-skinned form of jalapeno as a replacement. It'll be a bit milder, from store bought habanero to the jalapeno instead of Thai pepper. It should, however, be enough to try out. Further, I kept forgetting what the other spice the recipe called for was, and whether I had it. I nailed that down before I left. Oregano was the spice, and no, I couldn't find any on hand. Now I have it. As well, dried habanero. Could that possibly be locally available? After tearing through some number of stores and not finding it, I finally found it tonight at my regular store. Go figure. Dried, 1/2 oz. packages, of the hot stuff. The recipe seems to call for 5 oz. of that. Really? They come in .5 oz packages, each $1.50 or so. But, okay, just in case, I got 10 packs of those. Really? I'll check in a bit.
Not one more project will go underfunded, unsupplied, or such. When I finally get everything together to go do, I need it ready and there. I never know when the notion or function will be in place again. Further, having those plants hanging, having the light up and function, testing the various parts of my home electric which I can do now to a degree, that all adds up to both momentum and morale. If I have to get a little angry, and dig a little deeper, and track a little harder, then so be it. No more stop and go, that just kills me, my sense of things. Sometimes there will be nothing to do for it, as problems arise. What I can foresee, though, I absolutely have to tend, hard, immediately. I don't think these docs know how on the tip of my tippy toes I have to be to reach the heights I seem to reach. They don't understand what I have to do. I am walking a highwire with a crosswind and the dang thing is greased in places. They truly do not understand, or that I do it... quite well, given the circumstances. Most can't, wouldn't even try it, know better. I just... was never "learned properly". Bah!
No, I am done otherwise though tonight. I might try to find ceiling braces, and might further drill pilot holes to install the hooks, then do that. I might even get the plants out of the bathroom, figure out the water basins (aka pie tins) and 'bailing wire', and have those up for the morning (in safe keeping after I noticed the girls already tentatively digging and ripping off branches... BRATS!). I will eat something or other. HUNGRY. More? Not so much. I should sleep well, and maybe a bit earlier, perhaps. If I can come down from the rage needed to go to town a second time that is.
Later.
.
Yes, fine, so I have been doing bits and pieces. What I have been failing to do is complete purchases, and processes, so that I can complete anything clearly or cleanly. Buying the drywall repair goods, but missing this and that. Buying peppers and spices for the sauce, but not all of them or everything. On and on the list went. Tonight, when I realized how much I still needed I decided to go right back into town and finish three projects, new and old, and buy a tool or two that had been on the immediate use list anyway.
I stopped at the hardware store first. Those plants in hangers I bought? Yeah, well, though I have wall/ceiling anchors, I don't have a single hook with the length needed to go through the drywall and into wood! Now I do, and fairly substantial ones. I also, finally, bought a non-contact voltage tester, along with a tester for outlets (plug-in). I bought, essentially, bailing wire as well, to put aluminum pie tins under the hanging plants. Pie tins I would buy at my next stop. So, okay for those sets of projects. Next to the grocery store. I have, after searching four stores, not found Thai peppers. I will use a thin-skinned form of jalapeno as a replacement. It'll be a bit milder, from store bought habanero to the jalapeno instead of Thai pepper. It should, however, be enough to try out. Further, I kept forgetting what the other spice the recipe called for was, and whether I had it. I nailed that down before I left. Oregano was the spice, and no, I couldn't find any on hand. Now I have it. As well, dried habanero. Could that possibly be locally available? After tearing through some number of stores and not finding it, I finally found it tonight at my regular store. Go figure. Dried, 1/2 oz. packages, of the hot stuff. The recipe seems to call for 5 oz. of that. Really? They come in .5 oz packages, each $1.50 or so. But, okay, just in case, I got 10 packs of those. Really? I'll check in a bit.
Not one more project will go underfunded, unsupplied, or such. When I finally get everything together to go do, I need it ready and there. I never know when the notion or function will be in place again. Further, having those plants hanging, having the light up and function, testing the various parts of my home electric which I can do now to a degree, that all adds up to both momentum and morale. If I have to get a little angry, and dig a little deeper, and track a little harder, then so be it. No more stop and go, that just kills me, my sense of things. Sometimes there will be nothing to do for it, as problems arise. What I can foresee, though, I absolutely have to tend, hard, immediately. I don't think these docs know how on the tip of my tippy toes I have to be to reach the heights I seem to reach. They don't understand what I have to do. I am walking a highwire with a crosswind and the dang thing is greased in places. They truly do not understand, or that I do it... quite well, given the circumstances. Most can't, wouldn't even try it, know better. I just... was never "learned properly". Bah!
No, I am done otherwise though tonight. I might try to find ceiling braces, and might further drill pilot holes to install the hooks, then do that. I might even get the plants out of the bathroom, figure out the water basins (aka pie tins) and 'bailing wire', and have those up for the morning (in safe keeping after I noticed the girls already tentatively digging and ripping off branches... BRATS!). I will eat something or other. HUNGRY. More? Not so much. I should sleep well, and maybe a bit earlier, perhaps. If I can come down from the rage needed to go to town a second time that is.
Later.
To the store and back. An ogre's tale.
.
.
Shortly after posting, then spending time rehabilitating my wakefulness, I jumped in the shower, spiffified my lonesome, and called my friend. He would not go. He had things to do, and an appointment in a while, so I went all lone ranger on the trip. First the hardware store. Anchors, enough, and long enough, for just about anything I could need them for in the short small term, two 2'x2'x1/2" drywall panels, just in case and to have some on hand for other possible events, such as wiring checks. I forgot to buy a pen-tester for electric, and I didn't look at what they offered for clamp volt meters either. I did, while I was there, pick up two houseplants, to be hung from the ceiling. One in this, the computer, room. One... somewhere else. Oh, nothing fancy or exotic. Since my mother homified my house, I thought I would keep up in that vein, and nothing says home like green growing plants.
After that, a trip to the tobacconist. A couple of rolls of tobacco where had, and while entering the place I noticed a smoke house restaurant seemed to have or be open or opening in that area. I asked the women in the tobacco shop whatfor. She said the place was open, it was just not yet advertising. This is the same place that was flooded to closing... a year or two(?) ago. Okies. I had to stop and have me a bit of brisket, with potato and yam fries for the sides. And, remembering my friend absolutely loved their baked beans, I grabbed two sides of those to take to him. All good, a smoke house within easy reach, again, finally. I took the beans to my friend, did a social call there, then headed to the grocery store. In and out.
My list was with me but I knew two things. First, I kept losing it in all my pockets and couldn't seem to keep it straight anyway.... and it might be incomplete. *shrug* I used it a few times to sort things out a bit, then just... put it away somewhere and thought not another thing about it. I think I have everything for the habanero sauce... I think. If so, tomorrow or Sunday that will go into the pot and begin to stew. It won't take all that long. It will stink up the house pretty awful, from what I have read. The price of victory I suppose.
Not bad. But now the service engine dummy light is lit. I am hoping to make a call, and perhaps take her in, tomorrow. My friend suggested he would be interested in going shooting this coming Tuesday. I think that can happen. I just want to make sure my vehicle is running right before then, or get it fixed as needed before hand. Ugh but what this world does to make sure we don't just go to sleep! Well, if it doesn't put us to sleep, for the long haul. Eh? One way or another, but for now I am moving along as fast as my little reality allows. Later.
.
Shortly after posting, then spending time rehabilitating my wakefulness, I jumped in the shower, spiffified my lonesome, and called my friend. He would not go. He had things to do, and an appointment in a while, so I went all lone ranger on the trip. First the hardware store. Anchors, enough, and long enough, for just about anything I could need them for in the short small term, two 2'x2'x1/2" drywall panels, just in case and to have some on hand for other possible events, such as wiring checks. I forgot to buy a pen-tester for electric, and I didn't look at what they offered for clamp volt meters either. I did, while I was there, pick up two houseplants, to be hung from the ceiling. One in this, the computer, room. One... somewhere else. Oh, nothing fancy or exotic. Since my mother homified my house, I thought I would keep up in that vein, and nothing says home like green growing plants.
After that, a trip to the tobacconist. A couple of rolls of tobacco where had, and while entering the place I noticed a smoke house restaurant seemed to have or be open or opening in that area. I asked the women in the tobacco shop whatfor. She said the place was open, it was just not yet advertising. This is the same place that was flooded to closing... a year or two(?) ago. Okies. I had to stop and have me a bit of brisket, with potato and yam fries for the sides. And, remembering my friend absolutely loved their baked beans, I grabbed two sides of those to take to him. All good, a smoke house within easy reach, again, finally. I took the beans to my friend, did a social call there, then headed to the grocery store. In and out.
My list was with me but I knew two things. First, I kept losing it in all my pockets and couldn't seem to keep it straight anyway.... and it might be incomplete. *shrug* I used it a few times to sort things out a bit, then just... put it away somewhere and thought not another thing about it. I think I have everything for the habanero sauce... I think. If so, tomorrow or Sunday that will go into the pot and begin to stew. It won't take all that long. It will stink up the house pretty awful, from what I have read. The price of victory I suppose.
Not bad. But now the service engine dummy light is lit. I am hoping to make a call, and perhaps take her in, tomorrow. My friend suggested he would be interested in going shooting this coming Tuesday. I think that can happen. I just want to make sure my vehicle is running right before then, or get it fixed as needed before hand. Ugh but what this world does to make sure we don't just go to sleep! Well, if it doesn't put us to sleep, for the long haul. Eh? One way or another, but for now I am moving along as fast as my little reality allows. Later.
Amazing turnabout?
.
.
Just days ago I saw a blackout coming. Like the fighter who begins to see stars and losing the sensation of pain, I suspected the mat was where my next hit was coming from. Gravity, of any sort, can be a real bitch. So, what happened? Did meds kick in just in time, did I catch a second breath? Oh, well, I'm not, purely speaking, out of the shit yet. I am just... staying on my feet, doing absolute minimums, not putting the champ in the corner. I'll take it, I'll take it!
I didn't get to bed until 3:30. Like I said though, I wanted to be up by noon at the latest. While it would be pushing it, since yesterday was light and I believed sleep would be good, I set the alarm for 11:00. I did wake at 8:00, needing to void, but I could... not... wake... beyond tending the call of nature anyway. Life hurt. Then I got a call at a bit before 10:00, the V.A., an echo cardiogram. Okay, I was pretty deep in the throws of sleep. She didn't really want to talk but I knew I had to get the data or it would be lost, as would my chances of making it. So I struggled to keep her on the line long enough to nail down solid numbers on the data (the 13th and a Thursday @ 13:00). It was murder fighting her to give me the key data in numbers my mind could grok and fight my sleep enough to fight her and get the data, and then store that in my mind well enough to transfer to something more solid and quickly before it evaporated into the ether... or nether. But I did it. I put the data into my phone calendar, with enough alarms that even I might make it, considering my weak-sauce positioning in the world. Damn it, they can't say I don't put in the effort, failures be damned.
After that effort, I thought about going back to sleep. I thought to let the alarm get me up. But, no, I was... well enough awake, and being awake didn't hurt. So, I swung my legs out like I was heading to war, crisp, clean, fast, and hard. I bolted to the kitchen to... What? Ah, feed the girls. Then what? My mind... just wasn't moving like my corpse. Ah, meds... no... potassium... no... weight! Weight first, always. Could I void first though? Nope. *plop* The scale is mocking me... 275.0. Bastard. Never mind. Now for medicine, potassium mixed first, to take as the liquid for the medicine. I couldn't handle the potassium this morning but did get enough down to take the medicine. Did I mix it wrong, did I use water or that girly stuff my mom started me on that was in the jug? Fuck! I can't remember. Brain is NOT working.
Hungry. I have eaten all but one big several serving size bowl of the menudo. I had that last big bowl thawing. Yep, it was fully thawed, as was the meat I had put out with it. Meat into the fridge, a serving bowl filled out of the big bowl of menudo, into the microwave then the big bowl into the fridge, turn on the micro. Yep, that is... as good as it gets for planning and brain power. Somewhere in there the computer and game were switched on. An hour or two of goofing to get me ready to take a shower then call my friend.
What is wrong? Don't know, this is actually a good if not quite top or ideal day, being that I am awake, before the alarm, and have run my subroutines properly so far. I have taken bp and weight, then medicine and food, the machines are on, the curtains are open to a sunny day, and I'm not dead. I think. This, perhaps, is actually purgatory. I'm not completely square on that notion, and how would I prove otherwise? Either way, I am working to be a self-functional tool for God, and to do His will. And I will do that until either I am no more or He takes me home.
Whatever, this is what I have and what I know. Weak-ass-sauce as that may be, push or pull as I might, come what may, I will just keep up as I can. And enjoy it, actually, if I don't have a clue about what is going on half or more of the time. I best get to tinkering to try to kick something loose so my time in town is productive and my friend doesn't call out the zombie killer squad on me. Bleh.
Good day.
.
Just days ago I saw a blackout coming. Like the fighter who begins to see stars and losing the sensation of pain, I suspected the mat was where my next hit was coming from. Gravity, of any sort, can be a real bitch. So, what happened? Did meds kick in just in time, did I catch a second breath? Oh, well, I'm not, purely speaking, out of the shit yet. I am just... staying on my feet, doing absolute minimums, not putting the champ in the corner. I'll take it, I'll take it!
I didn't get to bed until 3:30. Like I said though, I wanted to be up by noon at the latest. While it would be pushing it, since yesterday was light and I believed sleep would be good, I set the alarm for 11:00. I did wake at 8:00, needing to void, but I could... not... wake... beyond tending the call of nature anyway. Life hurt. Then I got a call at a bit before 10:00, the V.A., an echo cardiogram. Okay, I was pretty deep in the throws of sleep. She didn't really want to talk but I knew I had to get the data or it would be lost, as would my chances of making it. So I struggled to keep her on the line long enough to nail down solid numbers on the data (the 13th and a Thursday @ 13:00). It was murder fighting her to give me the key data in numbers my mind could grok and fight my sleep enough to fight her and get the data, and then store that in my mind well enough to transfer to something more solid and quickly before it evaporated into the ether... or nether. But I did it. I put the data into my phone calendar, with enough alarms that even I might make it, considering my weak-sauce positioning in the world. Damn it, they can't say I don't put in the effort, failures be damned.
After that effort, I thought about going back to sleep. I thought to let the alarm get me up. But, no, I was... well enough awake, and being awake didn't hurt. So, I swung my legs out like I was heading to war, crisp, clean, fast, and hard. I bolted to the kitchen to... What? Ah, feed the girls. Then what? My mind... just wasn't moving like my corpse. Ah, meds... no... potassium... no... weight! Weight first, always. Could I void first though? Nope. *plop* The scale is mocking me... 275.0. Bastard. Never mind. Now for medicine, potassium mixed first, to take as the liquid for the medicine. I couldn't handle the potassium this morning but did get enough down to take the medicine. Did I mix it wrong, did I use water or that girly stuff my mom started me on that was in the jug? Fuck! I can't remember. Brain is NOT working.
Hungry. I have eaten all but one big several serving size bowl of the menudo. I had that last big bowl thawing. Yep, it was fully thawed, as was the meat I had put out with it. Meat into the fridge, a serving bowl filled out of the big bowl of menudo, into the microwave then the big bowl into the fridge, turn on the micro. Yep, that is... as good as it gets for planning and brain power. Somewhere in there the computer and game were switched on. An hour or two of goofing to get me ready to take a shower then call my friend.
What is wrong? Don't know, this is actually a good if not quite top or ideal day, being that I am awake, before the alarm, and have run my subroutines properly so far. I have taken bp and weight, then medicine and food, the machines are on, the curtains are open to a sunny day, and I'm not dead. I think. This, perhaps, is actually purgatory. I'm not completely square on that notion, and how would I prove otherwise? Either way, I am working to be a self-functional tool for God, and to do His will. And I will do that until either I am no more or He takes me home.
Whatever, this is what I have and what I know. Weak-ass-sauce as that may be, push or pull as I might, come what may, I will just keep up as I can. And enjoy it, actually, if I don't have a clue about what is going on half or more of the time. I best get to tinkering to try to kick something loose so my time in town is productive and my friend doesn't call out the zombie killer squad on me. Bleh.
Good day.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Way late waking, but no surprise.
.
.
Considering when I went to bed, and adding 9 hours to that, I set the alarm. And I woke with the alarm, barely. I didn't exactly have to push or shove to wake, but I didn't wake early, either. Yesterday was long, with only a few hours of sleep to bolster it. I can tell by my dry throat that I snored, hard. I didn't even rise to use the bathroom through the night.
My bp was not the best, but within the range of the much better readings. My weight is simply not coming down. It couldn't be over-eating, but it doesn't seem to be water weight, at this point, either. I simply don't know what that is about. A bit of waking time, then some work in the kitchen and laundry room, in more ways than one on that latter. I already had a bite to eat, those shoulder chops are really good, again. Oh, I best set out more meat to thaw and arrange things for a trip to town tomorrow. I am going to push to be up by 11:00 to noon, tomorrow.
There is no need to open the curtains, at this point, today. We have fogged in pretty heavily. Sometimes that is a pretty, pensive, or swirling view of nature, but today... either I am not really up to it or it isn't one of those days. I never can tell, for sure, when I do or don't enjoy something, if the basis for my reaction is subjective or objective. It can be either, or even a bit of both somehow.
You know, reviewing my conversations with my doc, I actually think he was quietly doubting my veracity. He asked what I do, professionally. I told him that I have been disabled for 25 years. Yeah, his reaction was odd. Didn't he know that? Anyway. Sometimes docs get really snooty when I say that. I need to remind them that I attempted to get through engineering school. That I have spent time, years, trying to hold down jobs, only to meet with utter failure. I have tried 'high' and 'low' jobs, muscle and mind and easy jobs. I can't maintain a day schedule and full activity, period. It isn't like someone gave me a pass, so I then went and found a place to rest, then quit. Don't look down your noses at me, fuckers. Fix me, or at least find out what the problem is. Then again, I think... they know, or suspect. They just don't like that they can't seem to fix it. Can a man live, long term, with a bad heart? Is a bad heart enough to fully disable a man? He didn't even seem to think my heart was all that bad, despite the information right in front of him. My abilities (however temporary and limited in scope) seemed to make him think that I can't be that sick. This last cardiac doc questioned some part of that, or all of it, if... passively. But, yeah, I... realized he was very much doing that. Fuck off or do YOUR job. Yeah, fine, I get a bit grumpy about it. But I would RATHER be working, going to school first, then hitting up a career in engineering. Hrumph!
Well, later.
.
Considering when I went to bed, and adding 9 hours to that, I set the alarm. And I woke with the alarm, barely. I didn't exactly have to push or shove to wake, but I didn't wake early, either. Yesterday was long, with only a few hours of sleep to bolster it. I can tell by my dry throat that I snored, hard. I didn't even rise to use the bathroom through the night.
My bp was not the best, but within the range of the much better readings. My weight is simply not coming down. It couldn't be over-eating, but it doesn't seem to be water weight, at this point, either. I simply don't know what that is about. A bit of waking time, then some work in the kitchen and laundry room, in more ways than one on that latter. I already had a bite to eat, those shoulder chops are really good, again. Oh, I best set out more meat to thaw and arrange things for a trip to town tomorrow. I am going to push to be up by 11:00 to noon, tomorrow.
There is no need to open the curtains, at this point, today. We have fogged in pretty heavily. Sometimes that is a pretty, pensive, or swirling view of nature, but today... either I am not really up to it or it isn't one of those days. I never can tell, for sure, when I do or don't enjoy something, if the basis for my reaction is subjective or objective. It can be either, or even a bit of both somehow.
You know, reviewing my conversations with my doc, I actually think he was quietly doubting my veracity. He asked what I do, professionally. I told him that I have been disabled for 25 years. Yeah, his reaction was odd. Didn't he know that? Anyway. Sometimes docs get really snooty when I say that. I need to remind them that I attempted to get through engineering school. That I have spent time, years, trying to hold down jobs, only to meet with utter failure. I have tried 'high' and 'low' jobs, muscle and mind and easy jobs. I can't maintain a day schedule and full activity, period. It isn't like someone gave me a pass, so I then went and found a place to rest, then quit. Don't look down your noses at me, fuckers. Fix me, or at least find out what the problem is. Then again, I think... they know, or suspect. They just don't like that they can't seem to fix it. Can a man live, long term, with a bad heart? Is a bad heart enough to fully disable a man? He didn't even seem to think my heart was all that bad, despite the information right in front of him. My abilities (however temporary and limited in scope) seemed to make him think that I can't be that sick. This last cardiac doc questioned some part of that, or all of it, if... passively. But, yeah, I... realized he was very much doing that. Fuck off or do YOUR job. Yeah, fine, I get a bit grumpy about it. But I would RATHER be working, going to school first, then hitting up a career in engineering. Hrumph!
Well, later.
Sleep is slipping, but it was a good run.
.
.
There was no real chance to sleep. It is much like hoping for rain when there isn't a cloud in the sky, or even one forecast for weeks. Which was fine. I had thawed some pork shoulder cuts some time back. I checked, hoping they hadn't gone bad. No, still good. Probably to turn bad very soon though. A bit of oil, a little flour, salt, pepper, and garlic on some (couldn't taste it, and I used what I thought was a lot). Still, I had both a great late meal, saved the meat, and have enough for two or three, maybe four, more meals. Hmm, sure, I could use some of the various vegetables I have for filler, or simmer one of the cutlets in stewed tomatoes. I suppose since I couldn't sleep, at least I averted waste. The kitchen won't be hit until the morning though... did I write "morning". Ahaha, silly me. I meant... tomorrow. Thursday. At first I was thinking I needed to rethink, mistakenly thinking tomorrow might be Friday, the day I am going to town to see my friend, shoot, shop, or whatever. But, no. Any excuse to avoid cleaning? Maybe.
Gaming is a lot of fun, at least when one isn't too tired. The controls in this particular game are a bit... weak. At first I thought this was a flaw, and perhaps it is (though a very typical one). But in this game, I think it is as much of a built in... challenge, as anything. And, yes, I am picky about whether I think something is a flaw or an enhancement. Dropping from ledges while platforming isn't smooth or even sure. Jumping up might get you one or two levels up. Two is usually good, unless there is nothing else up there. You really have to pay attention. Mazes, platform jumping, puzzles, intermittent fighting and being jumped at the oddest moments, keeps the game... lively. Still, after several hours or more of playing the mind becomes a little numb. I will finish off the boss of the dungeon I am in, which I had to look up how to do being too tired tonight to figure it on my own, then, finally, bed time. At 3:30 now, and assuming I can do the boss in five or ten minutes, that means, at earliest, I will be setting my alarm for about 13:00.
I usually try to get up before that, the alarm is more of an outside window in case I am simply resting too well. If I need more sleep though, well, the alarm either gets changed or simply shut off if 'no one is home'. Yeah, I know, it must seem like a lot of rules and caveats and orders of things. But really life is more about living, how it gets done is more the reality than something rules can encompass (as with you in your life). I suppose my suggestions are more... what I have seen in the past. Some of them are simply common sense, or even blatantly obvious literal happenings. Still, I like to try to figure out how things work, then tune them to my preferences. Failing is just par for the course, if not always on all things. On sleep and day cycles? I will most likely fail, only to crash and burn, then rise from the ashes, Phoenix style, into days again sometime in the future. Even with a woman about, while I do much better, it was never perfect even then. Just... much better. Either to avoid her or be with her, and sometimes it could be one or the other with the same woman. *grins* Gah but women can be annoying furry bunny squirrels! I just avoid long enough that they finally begin to miss me again though, when I am not of the mood or temper to deal with... their form of insanity. Some women are stubborn that way, holding onto grudges for the longest of times.
Yeah, tomorrow... rest up a bit from today. I was only slightly off, due to the flu shot, though it might solely have been little sleep and the events of the day. I am worn regardless. A bit of cleaning in the kitchen, maybe getting the last bad panel out of the drywall, and laundry could take a little attention. I won't press it though. This is sort of my week off, coming down from my mother's visit. I do need some rest. Then again, if I can step into things, that is about as much as I might expect to get to on any particular day. If I can, once a month for a week or so, pick up the pace to maintain that level plus add a special project, that would be my ideal, given the real limitations, thus what I can expect from myself. I turn into a zombie otherwise, and I don't have anyone hereabouts to do the thinking, or even to guide me toward doing my own. The doctors just don't seem to understand that, at all. Not the physical side, not the psychiatric side. I'm just more tired than I should possibly be, or than I can compensate for with sleep or anything else. Even Ritalin only slightly offered function, I still was tired 'on the inside'. TIRED! ALWAYS! Famished for sleep! What is not to get? Don't look at the body, or mind, for "reasons", just listen to me. TIRED! Ugh.
Oh, sure, I realize I told... long stories. But when you are extremely tired, you are also very vulnerable to suggestion. With my imagination, and their seeming want of stories, they got what they wanted. The little bit inside me that was even partially aware was as careless about the whole thing as someone on way too much Valium or something. I had no capacity to care that I was being led to lie, then lying, I just wanted to feel rested, to sleep, to... something, anything. That exhaustion, and lack of anyone hearing that simple notion, combined, is what drove me to suicide. Anti-depressants kept me suicidal, as I see things now. Amazing how backing away from medical, with an income, time, and space, I have sorted things out probably as well as they can be sorted out. Now, perhaps, the heart, and diabetes, can begin to be treated rightly. They are on the path to that. I still doubt that I will see much improvement in the rest of my life. Scary as that is, it is what I have. Even so, I'll take it. I don't have to worry about death. I've already seen some pretty horrific things and know I can endure, with a little time. And I like life, little or big as it may be on any given day.
Meh, whatever. I'm rambling as my mind seeks a place to begin shutting down. Good night.
.
There was no real chance to sleep. It is much like hoping for rain when there isn't a cloud in the sky, or even one forecast for weeks. Which was fine. I had thawed some pork shoulder cuts some time back. I checked, hoping they hadn't gone bad. No, still good. Probably to turn bad very soon though. A bit of oil, a little flour, salt, pepper, and garlic on some (couldn't taste it, and I used what I thought was a lot). Still, I had both a great late meal, saved the meat, and have enough for two or three, maybe four, more meals. Hmm, sure, I could use some of the various vegetables I have for filler, or simmer one of the cutlets in stewed tomatoes. I suppose since I couldn't sleep, at least I averted waste. The kitchen won't be hit until the morning though... did I write "morning". Ahaha, silly me. I meant... tomorrow. Thursday. At first I was thinking I needed to rethink, mistakenly thinking tomorrow might be Friday, the day I am going to town to see my friend, shoot, shop, or whatever. But, no. Any excuse to avoid cleaning? Maybe.
Gaming is a lot of fun, at least when one isn't too tired. The controls in this particular game are a bit... weak. At first I thought this was a flaw, and perhaps it is (though a very typical one). But in this game, I think it is as much of a built in... challenge, as anything. And, yes, I am picky about whether I think something is a flaw or an enhancement. Dropping from ledges while platforming isn't smooth or even sure. Jumping up might get you one or two levels up. Two is usually good, unless there is nothing else up there. You really have to pay attention. Mazes, platform jumping, puzzles, intermittent fighting and being jumped at the oddest moments, keeps the game... lively. Still, after several hours or more of playing the mind becomes a little numb. I will finish off the boss of the dungeon I am in, which I had to look up how to do being too tired tonight to figure it on my own, then, finally, bed time. At 3:30 now, and assuming I can do the boss in five or ten minutes, that means, at earliest, I will be setting my alarm for about 13:00.
I usually try to get up before that, the alarm is more of an outside window in case I am simply resting too well. If I need more sleep though, well, the alarm either gets changed or simply shut off if 'no one is home'. Yeah, I know, it must seem like a lot of rules and caveats and orders of things. But really life is more about living, how it gets done is more the reality than something rules can encompass (as with you in your life). I suppose my suggestions are more... what I have seen in the past. Some of them are simply common sense, or even blatantly obvious literal happenings. Still, I like to try to figure out how things work, then tune them to my preferences. Failing is just par for the course, if not always on all things. On sleep and day cycles? I will most likely fail, only to crash and burn, then rise from the ashes, Phoenix style, into days again sometime in the future. Even with a woman about, while I do much better, it was never perfect even then. Just... much better. Either to avoid her or be with her, and sometimes it could be one or the other with the same woman. *grins* Gah but women can be annoying furry bunny squirrels! I just avoid long enough that they finally begin to miss me again though, when I am not of the mood or temper to deal with... their form of insanity. Some women are stubborn that way, holding onto grudges for the longest of times.
Yeah, tomorrow... rest up a bit from today. I was only slightly off, due to the flu shot, though it might solely have been little sleep and the events of the day. I am worn regardless. A bit of cleaning in the kitchen, maybe getting the last bad panel out of the drywall, and laundry could take a little attention. I won't press it though. This is sort of my week off, coming down from my mother's visit. I do need some rest. Then again, if I can step into things, that is about as much as I might expect to get to on any particular day. If I can, once a month for a week or so, pick up the pace to maintain that level plus add a special project, that would be my ideal, given the real limitations, thus what I can expect from myself. I turn into a zombie otherwise, and I don't have anyone hereabouts to do the thinking, or even to guide me toward doing my own. The doctors just don't seem to understand that, at all. Not the physical side, not the psychiatric side. I'm just more tired than I should possibly be, or than I can compensate for with sleep or anything else. Even Ritalin only slightly offered function, I still was tired 'on the inside'. TIRED! ALWAYS! Famished for sleep! What is not to get? Don't look at the body, or mind, for "reasons", just listen to me. TIRED! Ugh.
Oh, sure, I realize I told... long stories. But when you are extremely tired, you are also very vulnerable to suggestion. With my imagination, and their seeming want of stories, they got what they wanted. The little bit inside me that was even partially aware was as careless about the whole thing as someone on way too much Valium or something. I had no capacity to care that I was being led to lie, then lying, I just wanted to feel rested, to sleep, to... something, anything. That exhaustion, and lack of anyone hearing that simple notion, combined, is what drove me to suicide. Anti-depressants kept me suicidal, as I see things now. Amazing how backing away from medical, with an income, time, and space, I have sorted things out probably as well as they can be sorted out. Now, perhaps, the heart, and diabetes, can begin to be treated rightly. They are on the path to that. I still doubt that I will see much improvement in the rest of my life. Scary as that is, it is what I have. Even so, I'll take it. I don't have to worry about death. I've already seen some pretty horrific things and know I can endure, with a little time. And I like life, little or big as it may be on any given day.
Meh, whatever. I'm rambling as my mind seeks a place to begin shutting down. Good night.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Ah-ha!
.
.
Okay, the "Ah-ha" is about a couple of comments from my main contributor. I knew I had seen them, on my smart phone, but when I went to respond to them on the computer... nowhere to be found. Further, for some reason, they disappeared off my cellphone. Actually I had only seen one, but when I signed in this time something indicated that there were two comments awaiting posting. Don't worry, D.C., part of my crazy like a fox thing that has worked wonders about keeping spammers at bay, not some new trick. I just... rarely get comments that way.
Nap? What nap? Oh, that nap. Actually it was just a couple of hours down. I set the alarm, as I knew if I didn't I would absolutely destroy my schedule. Gotta admit, I've been on a regular(ish) schedule since before my mother arrived, and right through her stay and to now. That... come to think of it... that HAS to be a RECORD! Now way, that was over a month of days, and not in the summer heat (though even summer isn't always a guarantee, as I have escaped into the cool of the night). Wow, at least a month and a half, give or take? Seriously, this pleases me! Oh how far from the graces of being a true... what humans might call... immortal, lord, master of self and universe... No, never a godling, just... Never mind, I will take my little booby prize and pop the top on enough beers for what goes for a party around here (two, four if I get feisty!). Shut it, as I said, I have fallen. heh
My alarm was sounding as I heard the phone. Half in some dream or other, I tried to figure out how many damned things could buzz at me at once, which one to get first, and where the hell my feet were and if my legs were still attached to them. I stumble bunnied to my cell first, knocking my glasses... somewhere. While trying to answer the phone, then I began a hand scramble over likely areas searching for my glasses, not even sure if I was actually awake. Beginning to hear a voice that sounded familiar, I quit the glasses and went for the alarm so what was being said might make some sort of sense, I finally got some breathing room from the buzzes. But then I had to figure out how to keep the phone to my face, not even quite sure how I had "answered" the phone in the first place and musing over that, while going back to look for my glasses but! I had to PEE! OMG did I have to pee. So, without my glasses, but with the buzzing ceased, if a voice was still yacking at my, I paid some lip service and stumbled to the bathroom, hoping I didn't run over any cats, furniture, or such. AHHHHHHH! Some things are better than others, some things are supreme. This was, my friends, supreme. Now... what? Who? Oh, "Hi mom!". Heh Not my usual, but it was a long day, it's been a rough few days, and a collusion of incidents lead to the absolute clumsiest moment I have enjoyed in... decades. Another RECORD!
She was curious about the doctor had to say. I... thought about teasing about imminent death, but mom... doesn't share my darker humors. So... not wanting more buzzing in my ears and possibly hurt feelings, I spilled the beans. The doc thinks I will not only live but maybe that I have improved enough to not be seen at his clinic (if I think that not volunteering myself for heart transplant is part of it). I let her know that my bp has been coming down nicely, that I have been taking my medicines well, and that I baked cookies and then cleaned to kitchen to within... well... at least my tolerances but that she would be pleased. Oh, and I told her about my poison habanero sauce notions. "No thank you, at all!", more or less, was her response. I should have asked what ever gave her the silly notion that I might even be willing to share my... my... my precious (sauce)? Yep, I was still too asleep to jazz the ol' hen. Heh She is doing well and getting things prepped for a family shindig there, life is good, she seems well and happy, and she was pleased with the news. She freely admitted she had had a ball here. A lot of work, to be sure, but we got a lot done, had fun doing it (really), and enjoyed the company on top of it. All good. She had to go, so I sent her my love and that was that.
Right as I hung up... the doorbell. Hrm? Oh, dinner! So, right on time, as I had planned it, I answered the door. A gent I don't know that I had met before hands me home-made chili and cinnamon rolls. I am almost certain it was good. I did my prayer first, at least. After that there was a blur of spoon and cup and hand like I had been caged for a week only to be let loose on a poor unsuspecting meal. Wolfman indeed. HoWWWWWLLllllll! *gulp* Yesterday's meal was good, too. It was something I had never had, sort of like a... cream of wheat biscuit, but still soft. Formed like a smaller bread (think of the size of zucchini bread). That with maple syrup. That was the last meal I remember. It was delicious, along with sausage and hashed browns. But tonight... I ate like a critter, albeit one which can use a spoon.
I goofed a bit, and have been enjoying the new headphones greatly. I'll probably need to get the headphone it's own recharging cord. Hmm, wait, I think I have at least one extra, now. I will be doing some more goofing, if in truth I am still not awake. I won't wake up before I eventually go back to bed tonight. Hopefully, tonight, I can hit it earlier. While I am doing days, my "mornings" are trending to early afternoon wakings. It doesn't matter, I suppose, in the end. It's... just the principle. While I can't control my exhaustion or my life even as fully as a normal man, I try my damnedest to hold the line where and when I can. *puts head down, aims horns, charges teh red flag* Yeah, well, I can at least put on a show before I am 'ground into hamburger', again. :p
I am amazed at some of the timing of things tonight. I love it when things just roll through to completion, without overlap, on time, and sometimes simultaneously. I don't think anyone had a clue that I was a stumbling bunny master at most points. Anyway, time to... get back to goofing.
Later or good night.
.
Okay, the "Ah-ha" is about a couple of comments from my main contributor. I knew I had seen them, on my smart phone, but when I went to respond to them on the computer... nowhere to be found. Further, for some reason, they disappeared off my cellphone. Actually I had only seen one, but when I signed in this time something indicated that there were two comments awaiting posting. Don't worry, D.C., part of my crazy like a fox thing that has worked wonders about keeping spammers at bay, not some new trick. I just... rarely get comments that way.
Nap? What nap? Oh, that nap. Actually it was just a couple of hours down. I set the alarm, as I knew if I didn't I would absolutely destroy my schedule. Gotta admit, I've been on a regular(ish) schedule since before my mother arrived, and right through her stay and to now. That... come to think of it... that HAS to be a RECORD! Now way, that was over a month of days, and not in the summer heat (though even summer isn't always a guarantee, as I have escaped into the cool of the night). Wow, at least a month and a half, give or take? Seriously, this pleases me! Oh how far from the graces of being a true... what humans might call... immortal, lord, master of self and universe... No, never a godling, just... Never mind, I will take my little booby prize and pop the top on enough beers for what goes for a party around here (two, four if I get feisty!). Shut it, as I said, I have fallen. heh
My alarm was sounding as I heard the phone. Half in some dream or other, I tried to figure out how many damned things could buzz at me at once, which one to get first, and where the hell my feet were and if my legs were still attached to them. I stumble bunnied to my cell first, knocking my glasses... somewhere. While trying to answer the phone, then I began a hand scramble over likely areas searching for my glasses, not even sure if I was actually awake. Beginning to hear a voice that sounded familiar, I quit the glasses and went for the alarm so what was being said might make some sort of sense, I finally got some breathing room from the buzzes. But then I had to figure out how to keep the phone to my face, not even quite sure how I had "answered" the phone in the first place and musing over that, while going back to look for my glasses but! I had to PEE! OMG did I have to pee. So, without my glasses, but with the buzzing ceased, if a voice was still yacking at my, I paid some lip service and stumbled to the bathroom, hoping I didn't run over any cats, furniture, or such. AHHHHHHH! Some things are better than others, some things are supreme. This was, my friends, supreme. Now... what? Who? Oh, "Hi mom!". Heh Not my usual, but it was a long day, it's been a rough few days, and a collusion of incidents lead to the absolute clumsiest moment I have enjoyed in... decades. Another RECORD!
She was curious about the doctor had to say. I... thought about teasing about imminent death, but mom... doesn't share my darker humors. So... not wanting more buzzing in my ears and possibly hurt feelings, I spilled the beans. The doc thinks I will not only live but maybe that I have improved enough to not be seen at his clinic (if I think that not volunteering myself for heart transplant is part of it). I let her know that my bp has been coming down nicely, that I have been taking my medicines well, and that I baked cookies and then cleaned to kitchen to within... well... at least my tolerances but that she would be pleased. Oh, and I told her about my poison habanero sauce notions. "No thank you, at all!", more or less, was her response. I should have asked what ever gave her the silly notion that I might even be willing to share my... my... my precious (sauce)? Yep, I was still too asleep to jazz the ol' hen. Heh She is doing well and getting things prepped for a family shindig there, life is good, she seems well and happy, and she was pleased with the news. She freely admitted she had had a ball here. A lot of work, to be sure, but we got a lot done, had fun doing it (really), and enjoyed the company on top of it. All good. She had to go, so I sent her my love and that was that.
Right as I hung up... the doorbell. Hrm? Oh, dinner! So, right on time, as I had planned it, I answered the door. A gent I don't know that I had met before hands me home-made chili and cinnamon rolls. I am almost certain it was good. I did my prayer first, at least. After that there was a blur of spoon and cup and hand like I had been caged for a week only to be let loose on a poor unsuspecting meal. Wolfman indeed. HoWWWWWLLllllll! *gulp* Yesterday's meal was good, too. It was something I had never had, sort of like a... cream of wheat biscuit, but still soft. Formed like a smaller bread (think of the size of zucchini bread). That with maple syrup. That was the last meal I remember. It was delicious, along with sausage and hashed browns. But tonight... I ate like a critter, albeit one which can use a spoon.
I goofed a bit, and have been enjoying the new headphones greatly. I'll probably need to get the headphone it's own recharging cord. Hmm, wait, I think I have at least one extra, now. I will be doing some more goofing, if in truth I am still not awake. I won't wake up before I eventually go back to bed tonight. Hopefully, tonight, I can hit it earlier. While I am doing days, my "mornings" are trending to early afternoon wakings. It doesn't matter, I suppose, in the end. It's... just the principle. While I can't control my exhaustion or my life even as fully as a normal man, I try my damnedest to hold the line where and when I can. *puts head down, aims horns, charges teh red flag* Yeah, well, I can at least put on a show before I am 'ground into hamburger', again. :p
I am amazed at some of the timing of things tonight. I love it when things just roll through to completion, without overlap, on time, and sometimes simultaneously. I don't think anyone had a clue that I was a stumbling bunny master at most points. Anyway, time to... get back to goofing.
Later or good night.
Ouch, but not so much.
.
.
I did make it up. I didn't go down until a bit past 2:30. I still had the alarm set for 4:30 from when nearly getting to bed by 22:00, as a... minder, pre-wake-up alarm thing. I thought about resetting it but figured it would do just as well in this situation. I didn't want to sleep too deeply. After it went off I changed it to 5:30. At 5:30 I rest it for 6:30, then tried to crawl back into the blankets. No, I did crawl back in. I figured since I was going to hit the hard-core traffic, and the appointments were walk-in sign-up sheet, that I could... spare a bit more time in bed. After just a bit of being back in bed though, I decided just to go. I worried that I might fall into a cycle where I simply never got back out of bed. It's an easy trap for me, sometimes though I can't do much about it. This time I won.
The drive was good, minus traffic after I reached the interstate. Bumper to bumper driving with people hustling and shoving for an extra inch is no fun. Oh, I fall into that trap, myself, too... if I don't pay attention. It rained the whole way, but nothing too serious. No ice was present either. Just... dreary rain. The mountains are gorgeous in any weather though, much like some beautiful women, who (to my mind) are best suited to be dressed in finery or at least something. A completely naked woman, to me... loses too much, unless she is mine. Then she is never naked regardless of clothing. She has my... respect to wear? The mountains, on the other hand, are fine in the buff, rain or shine.
I spoke with the P.A., then the intern, then the doc. The doc took me on a moderate walk, after I had asked the intern about exercise. The doc wants me to get another angiography, take a bit more carvedal(coreg), but believes I am probably not to be seen in his clinic anymore, depending on the angiography and from the minor jog. Really? I won't hold my breath until I see the results from the angiography. I don't believe I am doing any better now than... ever, really. I mean, other than when I had edema, my function is no better or worse than before. He seemed to think my heart illness was due to high blood pressure, but that doesn't explain the exhaustion or the leg discoloration when I was much younger, which I am told was caused by the heart problems (which obviously happened long before I had high blood pressure). I am thinking, since I won't volunteer myself again (this time for a heart transplant) they have no use for me. If that is the price, I think I will do better without their "care". Blood pressure is still fairly low, as is pulse, comparatively. Weight keeps up though. I just don't get that, at all. Oh, he said swimming would be fine, same with calesthenics, but straight weight use should be delayed until bp is better managed. No problem, that was how my ideas were going anyway. Yeah, a cynic to the bone, but how can I not be. Some of them, at the various clinics, think I am funny as crap. Others think the same, minus the funny. I can see it in their eyes. Heh. I enjoy the... interactions... all the same.
Man, I want a nap so bad. I did stop and buy most of what I need for the habanero sauce but I had no juice left to stop at the hardware store. I'll have to do that tomorrow, or Friday, when I go in to see my friend. I did buy a headset, the place was near where I stopped for lunch. I had meant to buy a $15-$35 set, but... I found one, wireless, self-contained wireless (not bluetooth which I don't like/trust). It was nearly three times my high bid, but works for both the PS3 and my computer. Yeah. My current headset is cobbled together with duct tape and a unique rewrapping of the earphone wires so that... they sort of work. Beautiful sounds out of them, oddly. But... shot beyond any consideration for more use. I'll give these a try, they are charging now. Bleh... I hate spending money, if I sometimes end up really liking the toys and foods I end up with.
Yeah, a nap. Good day.
.
I did make it up. I didn't go down until a bit past 2:30. I still had the alarm set for 4:30 from when nearly getting to bed by 22:00, as a... minder, pre-wake-up alarm thing. I thought about resetting it but figured it would do just as well in this situation. I didn't want to sleep too deeply. After it went off I changed it to 5:30. At 5:30 I rest it for 6:30, then tried to crawl back into the blankets. No, I did crawl back in. I figured since I was going to hit the hard-core traffic, and the appointments were walk-in sign-up sheet, that I could... spare a bit more time in bed. After just a bit of being back in bed though, I decided just to go. I worried that I might fall into a cycle where I simply never got back out of bed. It's an easy trap for me, sometimes though I can't do much about it. This time I won.
The drive was good, minus traffic after I reached the interstate. Bumper to bumper driving with people hustling and shoving for an extra inch is no fun. Oh, I fall into that trap, myself, too... if I don't pay attention. It rained the whole way, but nothing too serious. No ice was present either. Just... dreary rain. The mountains are gorgeous in any weather though, much like some beautiful women, who (to my mind) are best suited to be dressed in finery or at least something. A completely naked woman, to me... loses too much, unless she is mine. Then she is never naked regardless of clothing. She has my... respect to wear? The mountains, on the other hand, are fine in the buff, rain or shine.
I spoke with the P.A., then the intern, then the doc. The doc took me on a moderate walk, after I had asked the intern about exercise. The doc wants me to get another angiography, take a bit more carvedal(coreg), but believes I am probably not to be seen in his clinic anymore, depending on the angiography and from the minor jog. Really? I won't hold my breath until I see the results from the angiography. I don't believe I am doing any better now than... ever, really. I mean, other than when I had edema, my function is no better or worse than before. He seemed to think my heart illness was due to high blood pressure, but that doesn't explain the exhaustion or the leg discoloration when I was much younger, which I am told was caused by the heart problems (which obviously happened long before I had high blood pressure). I am thinking, since I won't volunteer myself again (this time for a heart transplant) they have no use for me. If that is the price, I think I will do better without their "care". Blood pressure is still fairly low, as is pulse, comparatively. Weight keeps up though. I just don't get that, at all. Oh, he said swimming would be fine, same with calesthenics, but straight weight use should be delayed until bp is better managed. No problem, that was how my ideas were going anyway. Yeah, a cynic to the bone, but how can I not be. Some of them, at the various clinics, think I am funny as crap. Others think the same, minus the funny. I can see it in their eyes. Heh. I enjoy the... interactions... all the same.
Man, I want a nap so bad. I did stop and buy most of what I need for the habanero sauce but I had no juice left to stop at the hardware store. I'll have to do that tomorrow, or Friday, when I go in to see my friend. I did buy a headset, the place was near where I stopped for lunch. I had meant to buy a $15-$35 set, but... I found one, wireless, self-contained wireless (not bluetooth which I don't like/trust). It was nearly three times my high bid, but works for both the PS3 and my computer. Yeah. My current headset is cobbled together with duct tape and a unique rewrapping of the earphone wires so that... they sort of work. Beautiful sounds out of them, oddly. But... shot beyond any consideration for more use. I'll give these a try, they are charging now. Bleh... I hate spending money, if I sometimes end up really liking the toys and foods I end up with.
Yeah, a nap. Good day.
Almost made it to sleep.
.
.
I turned to furnace to 68 a few hours before trying to go to bed. I then tinkered until about 22:00. I then set out clothes, set the alarm, laid out my wallet, and other such, and crawled under the blankets. *blink* *roll* *blink... blink* No dice, sleep was not even around the corner. So... more gaming. I decided to wash some items I wanted to wear. Laundry, it seems, is in need of doing on a larger scale. But for tonight, just this and that. A jacket/coat that had a bit of coffee dribbled on it (I was worried about that but the coffee came out just fine), a couple of new thermal long sleeve shirts (great for under my short sleeved polos, plus you can take them off in a bathroom if it warms too much), and a few other things to add bulk to the wash. You don't need to add more to front load washers, not this one anyway, but old habits die hard. Then again, I think it does help with the dryer, probably even on these newfangled ones (which I don't have).
Sam not so much as snuck out, as pounded the door open and ran into the basement. She will be staying there overnight, and maybe tomorrow while I am gone. I will leave some water, but no food. She will learn. I have tried everything else. She must be broken of pooping in my crawl spaces. I hope she enjoys her stay.
It's 2:00, I have to be up by 5:00, out by 6:00. I'll make it, I suspect, I just won't like it. I did wash out the thermoses. Only taking one, but it seems they both had old coffee in them. A bit of a soap water and vinegar soak seems to have... helped. Being air tight, the coffee simply smelled stale, not rotten. No goop came out when I poured the coffee out. Yeah, taking along some of my coffee will help on this particular trip. The coat is done, I am just waiting to make sure the rest of that load gets dry. I would hate to end up forgetting and finding a moldy pile of clothes. My mother had clothes in there. They seemed a bit damp, though that might just have been from the cold, since there was no unpleasant odor. But I dried the partial load with what else I had. Just in case, or... something.
Good night.
.
I turned to furnace to 68 a few hours before trying to go to bed. I then tinkered until about 22:00. I then set out clothes, set the alarm, laid out my wallet, and other such, and crawled under the blankets. *blink* *roll* *blink... blink* No dice, sleep was not even around the corner. So... more gaming. I decided to wash some items I wanted to wear. Laundry, it seems, is in need of doing on a larger scale. But for tonight, just this and that. A jacket/coat that had a bit of coffee dribbled on it (I was worried about that but the coffee came out just fine), a couple of new thermal long sleeve shirts (great for under my short sleeved polos, plus you can take them off in a bathroom if it warms too much), and a few other things to add bulk to the wash. You don't need to add more to front load washers, not this one anyway, but old habits die hard. Then again, I think it does help with the dryer, probably even on these newfangled ones (which I don't have).
Sam not so much as snuck out, as pounded the door open and ran into the basement. She will be staying there overnight, and maybe tomorrow while I am gone. I will leave some water, but no food. She will learn. I have tried everything else. She must be broken of pooping in my crawl spaces. I hope she enjoys her stay.
It's 2:00, I have to be up by 5:00, out by 6:00. I'll make it, I suspect, I just won't like it. I did wash out the thermoses. Only taking one, but it seems they both had old coffee in them. A bit of a soap water and vinegar soak seems to have... helped. Being air tight, the coffee simply smelled stale, not rotten. No goop came out when I poured the coffee out. Yeah, taking along some of my coffee will help on this particular trip. The coat is done, I am just waiting to make sure the rest of that load gets dry. I would hate to end up forgetting and finding a moldy pile of clothes. My mother had clothes in there. They seemed a bit damp, though that might just have been from the cold, since there was no unpleasant odor. But I dried the partial load with what else I had. Just in case, or... something.
Good night.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Cookies!
.
.
Not only did I finish up the dishes and cleaning the counters (floor could take sweeping and vacuuming), but I got to the cookies (which is why I didn't get to the floor, seeing the potential for a doom floor scenario with flour, sugar, eggs, or whatnot as a potential). Okay, so, I did bake them. And, they aren't bad. They taste good enough. The thing is, they didn't settle down like other people get them to do, as if they had melted flat into the cookie sheet. The first two batches into the oven, the cookies were... big. I thought I was doing petite, but not so much. Darn my ogre sized hands and perceptions. I don't think you are supposed to have to flip chocolate chip cookies? Never mind. I flipped some and didn't flip some, to see (they are better unflipped, by the the way). The next batch I set on the cookies sheets, I was very careful with size. Still they just would not... do their thing. I didn't see the need to flip these, even though that wasn't the better of plans anyway. But they just didn't spread out and thin down. Are you supposed to form them, not put them down as a rounded ball? Flatten or squish them down? Much to learn, this young kitchen jedi. Oh, but I cleaned up behind myself. The only things remaining to be washed are the cookie sheets and the cookie cooling racks. How is that for a show?
*munch* Thmmm arm prtty goom. *munch*
Update: Too much flour, I am told. My recipe called for three cups. When dinner arrived I sent two dozen and change cookies with the young ladies. I asked if the elder of the youngens knew what I might be doing wrong. Chocolate chips cookies are not yet in her mastery, so she said, therefore she declined a response. The younger of the two just said "Cookies!", so... I didn't press her. However, they must have told their mom about my dilemma. I received a call right after. Too much flour, most likely, she suggested. So I told her what my recipe suggested and asked how much she uses. Two cups. Well, yeah, that would mean way too much flour in my recipe. Next week I will try it with two cups. Fewer cookies, but I think they will taste, and act, a bit more like what I think chocolate chip cookie dough and cookies should. Just... so you know. Listen to mother, even if she isn't your own? Well, I'll... do the same as I do with mine, give her a wide range on the shadow of doubt. Two cups it is.
A bit more goofing, but I am going to try to lay the rig on her side down the slope a bit early tonight. I can't crash, haven't done enough. I was still too sick for jumping jacks and a cat-chase marathon. And I don't want to try to ride this thing down to the nubs. I think I have it in me to go without sleep, that can just mess me up though. Besides, it hurts throughout. Nope, a gentle controlled created crash...
While out tomorrow, I need to remember 1/2" drywall and 2" and 3" anchors, depending on what looks right. I will definitely get several lengths and types of anchors, they are always good to have on hand anyway. I am not sure if I should use drywall screws to anchor the drywall squares to the wooden beam, or wood screws, though. I'll try the drywall screws first, changing over if need be. Gosh, but nothing is certain, ever, it seems. When do I get to grow up and know everything?
Good night.
.
Not only did I finish up the dishes and cleaning the counters (floor could take sweeping and vacuuming), but I got to the cookies (which is why I didn't get to the floor, seeing the potential for a doom floor scenario with flour, sugar, eggs, or whatnot as a potential). Okay, so, I did bake them. And, they aren't bad. They taste good enough. The thing is, they didn't settle down like other people get them to do, as if they had melted flat into the cookie sheet. The first two batches into the oven, the cookies were... big. I thought I was doing petite, but not so much. Darn my ogre sized hands and perceptions. I don't think you are supposed to have to flip chocolate chip cookies? Never mind. I flipped some and didn't flip some, to see (they are better unflipped, by the the way). The next batch I set on the cookies sheets, I was very careful with size. Still they just would not... do their thing. I didn't see the need to flip these, even though that wasn't the better of plans anyway. But they just didn't spread out and thin down. Are you supposed to form them, not put them down as a rounded ball? Flatten or squish them down? Much to learn, this young kitchen jedi. Oh, but I cleaned up behind myself. The only things remaining to be washed are the cookie sheets and the cookie cooling racks. How is that for a show?
*munch* Thmmm arm prtty goom. *munch*
Update: Too much flour, I am told. My recipe called for three cups. When dinner arrived I sent two dozen and change cookies with the young ladies. I asked if the elder of the youngens knew what I might be doing wrong. Chocolate chips cookies are not yet in her mastery, so she said, therefore she declined a response. The younger of the two just said "Cookies!", so... I didn't press her. However, they must have told their mom about my dilemma. I received a call right after. Too much flour, most likely, she suggested. So I told her what my recipe suggested and asked how much she uses. Two cups. Well, yeah, that would mean way too much flour in my recipe. Next week I will try it with two cups. Fewer cookies, but I think they will taste, and act, a bit more like what I think chocolate chip cookie dough and cookies should. Just... so you know. Listen to mother, even if she isn't your own? Well, I'll... do the same as I do with mine, give her a wide range on the shadow of doubt. Two cups it is.
A bit more goofing, but I am going to try to lay the rig on her side down the slope a bit early tonight. I can't crash, haven't done enough. I was still too sick for jumping jacks and a cat-chase marathon. And I don't want to try to ride this thing down to the nubs. I think I have it in me to go without sleep, that can just mess me up though. Besides, it hurts throughout. Nope, a gentle controlled created crash...
While out tomorrow, I need to remember 1/2" drywall and 2" and 3" anchors, depending on what looks right. I will definitely get several lengths and types of anchors, they are always good to have on hand anyway. I am not sure if I should use drywall screws to anchor the drywall squares to the wooden beam, or wood screws, though. I'll try the drywall screws first, changing over if need be. Gosh, but nothing is certain, ever, it seems. When do I get to grow up and know everything?
Good night.
A better day all around.
.
.
At least for my purposes. More energy is always good, knowing what is causing problems helps, and being rested adds to teh joy. I was awake late, so, of course, got started late. And I needed to wake up first. Gaming fit that bill and did it's job. The goal was to get started on the kitchen, to get as far as I could, then reassess. I'm in the reassessment stage having cleaned the stove top and all the counters but where some of the dirty dishes remain. Then I nuked the sponge as it was smelling hinky. Finally I hit the dishes. I didn't get all of them, one of them truly needed to soak. I did most of them though, with only a chili pan, in which the remnants had dried, thus needing soaking, and some popcorn and other greasy type of bowls and pans (which I do last, as they kill soap water). Dishes are much easier, now that I use mostly disposable dinnerware. There are times where metal utensils, and more good solid large ceramic bowls, or such, just seem more appropriate. And there are always the pots and pans. But on the whole I have cut my dish washing down by 80% or more... that, I think, will be quite manageable even in the depths of my miseries.
While I take a break, I am figuring if I can finish everything in time to make cookies so that when the folks that bring me dinner arrive, I will be able to send them home with a small batch. Home-made, fresh, warm probably still, chocolate chip cooks. My mother used all the nuts, I think, so no walnuts would be added. But for my part, as I have said, I don't really care for nuts in anything, especially walnuts. I don't mind a handful once in a while, or in a dish that deals with their acidity or in small amounts. They can literally burn my mouth like a hot pizza, leaving... gunk hanging off the roof of my mouth. They seem to have tamed walnuts, of late, though. Still, once in a while, I get that hit no matter what brand. Cookies, home-made, from scratch. That's what I'm talking about. If not, perhaps I can perfect the recipe and offer it to them some other time.
Tomorrow I have to be out of the house by 6:00. Depending on traffic and weather, that can be pushing it. Leaving any earlier, however, has seen me sitting there an hour or two early. Bleh. It's always a guessing game, but this seems to be about as close to the sweet spot as I can bet on with relative confidence. But don't miss the exit! I rarely do, but it has happened. Hmm, I ought to go at 5:00 a few times, and miss the exit on purpose, then figure out the best/fastest reroute. No, no, that will always be traffic and weather dependent. Never mind. Up by 5:00? Gah! Bah! Phooey! Malarkey! And two more like those. I'll do it.
It looks like the sun lost this day. It isn't going without putting a bit more of it's stamp on the day though. It is not as dark as it has been or could be, but it is possibly fading fast. Never mind, I got enough of a spot of sun today to lift my spirits. I don't need that everyday, or even weekly. There are times where it just... helps. Today was one of those days.
Well, back to... goofing, until I am ready to finish the dishes. The stuff I washed is already dried and put up, so it really shouldn't take long once that pan has soaked, if I may need to reload dishwater with fresh dish soap, depending on how fast the greasy items cuts the suds. I absolutely despise trying to wash dishes in dirty water.
I keep looking for parkas. Now, they are pricey, if you go for really good ones. I don't mean leather, haute couture, or such, either. I mean, ones that can handle serious winter cold, have the features that actually improve the function and range of the item, and ones that will last a few years with heavy use, maybe more, so might last a lifetime of minor use (if I can't get to things). What I don't like is when I see a sale that takes the price to... where the price was before it went on sale, boosting the new "old" price, in the bargain. They often bring "new" product up, and offer it at the "sale price" of what the old was. No... thank... you... I'll wait until I see a real sale. Oh, the other thing that is quite annoying is when they suggest that the sale is 50% off, but any dolt can look at the new price and the scratched off price and see quite plainly that it is not 50% off, not close. I don't even think it was 30%... what was it... 27% when I ran the numbers (and the 27% off merely took the new item prices "down" to what the old prices had been! LOL! (my ass).)? Bleh. Thankfully, for them, most women are terrible at math and love sales enough that it covers for their shenanigans among women who can count. Bah! I am pleased not to be burdened with boobs, and all that goes with them. That's... all I'm saying. Doh! That's going to come back to bite me. Thankfully I like those kind of bites. *evil grins*
Cookies!?! Later.
.
At least for my purposes. More energy is always good, knowing what is causing problems helps, and being rested adds to teh joy. I was awake late, so, of course, got started late. And I needed to wake up first. Gaming fit that bill and did it's job. The goal was to get started on the kitchen, to get as far as I could, then reassess. I'm in the reassessment stage having cleaned the stove top and all the counters but where some of the dirty dishes remain. Then I nuked the sponge as it was smelling hinky. Finally I hit the dishes. I didn't get all of them, one of them truly needed to soak. I did most of them though, with only a chili pan, in which the remnants had dried, thus needing soaking, and some popcorn and other greasy type of bowls and pans (which I do last, as they kill soap water). Dishes are much easier, now that I use mostly disposable dinnerware. There are times where metal utensils, and more good solid large ceramic bowls, or such, just seem more appropriate. And there are always the pots and pans. But on the whole I have cut my dish washing down by 80% or more... that, I think, will be quite manageable even in the depths of my miseries.
While I take a break, I am figuring if I can finish everything in time to make cookies so that when the folks that bring me dinner arrive, I will be able to send them home with a small batch. Home-made, fresh, warm probably still, chocolate chip cooks. My mother used all the nuts, I think, so no walnuts would be added. But for my part, as I have said, I don't really care for nuts in anything, especially walnuts. I don't mind a handful once in a while, or in a dish that deals with their acidity or in small amounts. They can literally burn my mouth like a hot pizza, leaving... gunk hanging off the roof of my mouth. They seem to have tamed walnuts, of late, though. Still, once in a while, I get that hit no matter what brand. Cookies, home-made, from scratch. That's what I'm talking about. If not, perhaps I can perfect the recipe and offer it to them some other time.
Tomorrow I have to be out of the house by 6:00. Depending on traffic and weather, that can be pushing it. Leaving any earlier, however, has seen me sitting there an hour or two early. Bleh. It's always a guessing game, but this seems to be about as close to the sweet spot as I can bet on with relative confidence. But don't miss the exit! I rarely do, but it has happened. Hmm, I ought to go at 5:00 a few times, and miss the exit on purpose, then figure out the best/fastest reroute. No, no, that will always be traffic and weather dependent. Never mind. Up by 5:00? Gah! Bah! Phooey! Malarkey! And two more like those. I'll do it.
It looks like the sun lost this day. It isn't going without putting a bit more of it's stamp on the day though. It is not as dark as it has been or could be, but it is possibly fading fast. Never mind, I got enough of a spot of sun today to lift my spirits. I don't need that everyday, or even weekly. There are times where it just... helps. Today was one of those days.
Well, back to... goofing, until I am ready to finish the dishes. The stuff I washed is already dried and put up, so it really shouldn't take long once that pan has soaked, if I may need to reload dishwater with fresh dish soap, depending on how fast the greasy items cuts the suds. I absolutely despise trying to wash dishes in dirty water.
I keep looking for parkas. Now, they are pricey, if you go for really good ones. I don't mean leather, haute couture, or such, either. I mean, ones that can handle serious winter cold, have the features that actually improve the function and range of the item, and ones that will last a few years with heavy use, maybe more, so might last a lifetime of minor use (if I can't get to things). What I don't like is when I see a sale that takes the price to... where the price was before it went on sale, boosting the new "old" price, in the bargain. They often bring "new" product up, and offer it at the "sale price" of what the old was. No... thank... you... I'll wait until I see a real sale. Oh, the other thing that is quite annoying is when they suggest that the sale is 50% off, but any dolt can look at the new price and the scratched off price and see quite plainly that it is not 50% off, not close. I don't even think it was 30%... what was it... 27% when I ran the numbers (and the 27% off merely took the new item prices "down" to what the old prices had been! LOL! (my ass).)? Bleh. Thankfully, for them, most women are terrible at math and love sales enough that it covers for their shenanigans among women who can count. Bah! I am pleased not to be burdened with boobs, and all that goes with them. That's... all I'm saying. Doh! That's going to come back to bite me. Thankfully I like those kind of bites. *evil grins*
Cookies!?! Later.
To bed late, up late, looks like the day is slipping.
Hl.
.
I have had worse. The thing is I have an early rise coming up. I realistically need to be awake by 4:30 or 5:00, then be on the road by 6:00. It isn't an actual appointment, but a walk in clinic, the heart clinic. My guess is they started to realize that guys with severe heart problems CAN'T MAKE EXACT TIME APPOINTMENTS. Now, they didn't bother to share this with other clinics, but they know it and rather than face an absolute disaster of serving no "clients", they changed their practices to make it easy enough for us. The rest of the clinics just get us when we can make it, then make it on time, and such. Now, the heart clinic is pretty gnarly about being there, but they don't harp (or too much) if I miss. They just reset, without too much bite or tongue. Especially since they know I should/they would prefer/I could be on, the heart transplant list at this level of heart corruption. They don't like that I won't allow myself to be a guinea pig, but that is not my problem. As I said, from what they have said and the numbers I see, the life I have lived and am living, and all else, put into my probability machine and given a whirl, I will outlive most of the people harping about it, and maybe the next generation below them. At least if I forgo the heart transplant. Actually, I already have. I'm just thinking double or nothing, it's an easy bet for me. I've already won and I have little, if anything, to lose my way, the world and access to it would be lost, either way, with a heart transplant.
Anyway, to bed by... late. I think it was 2:30. I tried to hold the line on getting up, so set the alarm for 11:00. That's a bit tight, but... And, I did wake pretty much with the alarm. There is always a bit of... leeway there, for me, for anybody. For me that leeway can be quite a bit, as much as an half hour, before the alarm gets me up, if it is going to get me up (I've woken hours later with it still rattling on, but it wasn't the alarm, but being rested, that allowed me to wake). Today, just 5-15 minutes of alarm klaxon was needed, most of that was an unusually slow rising time.
The sun is trying to get out again today. It's been out enough for my morale, and the struggle between storm and sun is beautiful, as epic battles often are in their terrible natures. The drapes have been pulled, the furnace turned up just a tad. I am running it at 68 at nights, now, 72 during the day. This will be changing. On low yield days, when these flu symptoms reside, I will be tacking the furnace back to 68 in the days, 64 at night, unless I really need to hit some things and otherwise have the energy to do it. Then a 74/76 set will help get me to my doings. Actually, 76 will almost force activity, if it has been on 68 or lower for the most part. Bp is a little higher, 160/104 today, but pulse is down to 74. My weight, inexplicably, went back up 3.8 pounds! *shrug* I had been thinking of cutting the water pill in a few days, looks like that won't happen as soon as I had thought. When I do that, I will probably be cutting back to 1 1/2 pills, down from 2 pill and up from the initial 1 water pill per day, and pretty much leaving it there. Ackh! Do I have enough pills to be messing? I hope so. I hate when I forget one thing because I am focused on another, both being of equal importance, or even the one being neglected is of paramount importance. Gah! Oh well.
I am going to rest this day as well. The symptoms aren't quite as heavy this morning, or yet, or such. So... the kitchen being straightened and the few dishes done, is the goal. I might also do a bit of tinkering on the drywall. Beside forgetting anchors that are long enough (I will check the ones I have though, just in case) I also forgot to buy any drywall to do the actual repairs! Close, very close. As usual, I remember to make a list, and I remembered where it was... the list was right where I left it, at home. Heh. Then again, I didn't know how long the anchors would have needed to be nor did I know what depth of drywall to get, at the time I was shopping. So, I won't be getting too far into the repairs. I can finish cutting out the other repair area, then finding thinner 1x2s,3s, or 4s, and getting those mounted and screwed in place. Now, getting the hole on those backboards so that they fit with the light, is going to be a trick... I'll be... thinking on that. But I am thinking that I will cut a throw-away board into the repair holes I have cut, fit rightly, then mark and drill a hole through those, making sure they are snug in the area, then attach the permanent backer boards to the drywall, remove the light (which won't be attached yet anywhile, and... never mind. I'm not sure I am even writing it correctly. I just have a plan that I think will work, involving a type of template and such. A form of mechanical algebra? Who knows.
Hmm, a bit of tinkering and waking, first, though. I know God loves me, he gave me a huge world to play with, lots of little and big problems, even if He did sandbag me. Bah, He only sandbags those with the... heart... to handle it! Heh. Good day.
(And, yeah, I think I'm funny... Shush it!)
.
I have had worse. The thing is I have an early rise coming up. I realistically need to be awake by 4:30 or 5:00, then be on the road by 6:00. It isn't an actual appointment, but a walk in clinic, the heart clinic. My guess is they started to realize that guys with severe heart problems CAN'T MAKE EXACT TIME APPOINTMENTS. Now, they didn't bother to share this with other clinics, but they know it and rather than face an absolute disaster of serving no "clients", they changed their practices to make it easy enough for us. The rest of the clinics just get us when we can make it, then make it on time, and such. Now, the heart clinic is pretty gnarly about being there, but they don't harp (or too much) if I miss. They just reset, without too much bite or tongue. Especially since they know I should/they would prefer/I could be on, the heart transplant list at this level of heart corruption. They don't like that I won't allow myself to be a guinea pig, but that is not my problem. As I said, from what they have said and the numbers I see, the life I have lived and am living, and all else, put into my probability machine and given a whirl, I will outlive most of the people harping about it, and maybe the next generation below them. At least if I forgo the heart transplant. Actually, I already have. I'm just thinking double or nothing, it's an easy bet for me. I've already won and I have little, if anything, to lose my way, the world and access to it would be lost, either way, with a heart transplant.
Anyway, to bed by... late. I think it was 2:30. I tried to hold the line on getting up, so set the alarm for 11:00. That's a bit tight, but... And, I did wake pretty much with the alarm. There is always a bit of... leeway there, for me, for anybody. For me that leeway can be quite a bit, as much as an half hour, before the alarm gets me up, if it is going to get me up (I've woken hours later with it still rattling on, but it wasn't the alarm, but being rested, that allowed me to wake). Today, just 5-15 minutes of alarm klaxon was needed, most of that was an unusually slow rising time.
The sun is trying to get out again today. It's been out enough for my morale, and the struggle between storm and sun is beautiful, as epic battles often are in their terrible natures. The drapes have been pulled, the furnace turned up just a tad. I am running it at 68 at nights, now, 72 during the day. This will be changing. On low yield days, when these flu symptoms reside, I will be tacking the furnace back to 68 in the days, 64 at night, unless I really need to hit some things and otherwise have the energy to do it. Then a 74/76 set will help get me to my doings. Actually, 76 will almost force activity, if it has been on 68 or lower for the most part. Bp is a little higher, 160/104 today, but pulse is down to 74. My weight, inexplicably, went back up 3.8 pounds! *shrug* I had been thinking of cutting the water pill in a few days, looks like that won't happen as soon as I had thought. When I do that, I will probably be cutting back to 1 1/2 pills, down from 2 pill and up from the initial 1 water pill per day, and pretty much leaving it there. Ackh! Do I have enough pills to be messing? I hope so. I hate when I forget one thing because I am focused on another, both being of equal importance, or even the one being neglected is of paramount importance. Gah! Oh well.
I am going to rest this day as well. The symptoms aren't quite as heavy this morning, or yet, or such. So... the kitchen being straightened and the few dishes done, is the goal. I might also do a bit of tinkering on the drywall. Beside forgetting anchors that are long enough (I will check the ones I have though, just in case) I also forgot to buy any drywall to do the actual repairs! Close, very close. As usual, I remember to make a list, and I remembered where it was... the list was right where I left it, at home. Heh. Then again, I didn't know how long the anchors would have needed to be nor did I know what depth of drywall to get, at the time I was shopping. So, I won't be getting too far into the repairs. I can finish cutting out the other repair area, then finding thinner 1x2s,3s, or 4s, and getting those mounted and screwed in place. Now, getting the hole on those backboards so that they fit with the light, is going to be a trick... I'll be... thinking on that. But I am thinking that I will cut a throw-away board into the repair holes I have cut, fit rightly, then mark and drill a hole through those, making sure they are snug in the area, then attach the permanent backer boards to the drywall, remove the light (which won't be attached yet anywhile, and... never mind. I'm not sure I am even writing it correctly. I just have a plan that I think will work, involving a type of template and such. A form of mechanical algebra? Who knows.
Hmm, a bit of tinkering and waking, first, though. I know God loves me, he gave me a huge world to play with, lots of little and big problems, even if He did sandbag me. Bah, He only sandbags those with the... heart... to handle it! Heh. Good day.
(And, yeah, I think I'm funny... Shush it!)
Monday, December 3, 2012
A pleasant day, of rest.
.
.
While still going through flu like symptoms, now that I know what it is I am able to just relax and enjoy my day around or through that. I have pretty much just been gaming. I knew I would need some recharging, I just didn't know when that would happen. It seems now is the time. Even better, my down time is rather enjoyable, not like a crash as I had feared. Medicines might have something to do with that though too. And dumping fluid sure doesn't hurt.
The other day, while in the store, home-made chocolate chip cookies sounded good to me. I know my mother bought a pack of semi-sweet, and I bought a pack of milk chocolate, chips. I am not sure what the real taste difference between the semi-sweet and milk chocolate really is. I suppose I could make a batch of each. I would probably have no difficulty giving away some of the excess, even of the kind I prefer. I just want, perhaps, a dozen. I checked with a lady who worked at the store, one who, to me, looked like she would know what those take. And, yep, she knew the recipe by heart! I didn't need to buy a thing, for those. I just haven't gotten my fingers to the task. Hmm, I will probably brown them a little crisper than most like them, too. I love my crispy critter chocolate chip cookies. If I can get around to them. Oh, and my mother purchased a blender, since the two I had in Iowa seem to have gone AWOL on me. It's good for these types of things. If I could just get to it. Here is the recipe I am considering.
I remember one of the things, for longer term prep, that I would like to have, eventually. That being a hand (manual) meat grinder. The problem is finding a quality stainless steel one at an affordable price. Coated cast isn't bad, I suppose. But usually those are made by low quality manufacturers, and... there are lots of problems with them. There are several sizes, from #10 (or is it 10#?) to #32. The larger the number the more meat it will process, with a #32 putting out five pounds per minute. That would be some serious work, but going without ground meat would be worse. Prices range from, say, $30's to almost $400 (that one is for chumming though, and comes with a fish cutting tray, fishing pole hole stand, a chute for the ground fish, and such). Few grinders get really good results, most suggest that there is rust on the device when received. I can't tell compainers from serious reviewers... or plant workers trying to brag something up. I'm still investigating. I have as much time as I have, but probably at least a year before I would be interested in investing the money.
Finally, a good day, for the most part. The sun was out, my ailments made sense, dinner was pretty darned good, I have a few short and midterm things scheduled, and I am awake, five pounds lighter, and my bp is coming down quite nicely, better than ever before. I'm on the right meds, possibly adding diabetes meds soon too. I just can't complain today.
Good night.
.
While still going through flu like symptoms, now that I know what it is I am able to just relax and enjoy my day around or through that. I have pretty much just been gaming. I knew I would need some recharging, I just didn't know when that would happen. It seems now is the time. Even better, my down time is rather enjoyable, not like a crash as I had feared. Medicines might have something to do with that though too. And dumping fluid sure doesn't hurt.
The other day, while in the store, home-made chocolate chip cookies sounded good to me. I know my mother bought a pack of semi-sweet, and I bought a pack of milk chocolate, chips. I am not sure what the real taste difference between the semi-sweet and milk chocolate really is. I suppose I could make a batch of each. I would probably have no difficulty giving away some of the excess, even of the kind I prefer. I just want, perhaps, a dozen. I checked with a lady who worked at the store, one who, to me, looked like she would know what those take. And, yep, she knew the recipe by heart! I didn't need to buy a thing, for those. I just haven't gotten my fingers to the task. Hmm, I will probably brown them a little crisper than most like them, too. I love my crispy critter chocolate chip cookies. If I can get around to them. Oh, and my mother purchased a blender, since the two I had in Iowa seem to have gone AWOL on me. It's good for these types of things. If I could just get to it. Here is the recipe I am considering.
I remember one of the things, for longer term prep, that I would like to have, eventually. That being a hand (manual) meat grinder. The problem is finding a quality stainless steel one at an affordable price. Coated cast isn't bad, I suppose. But usually those are made by low quality manufacturers, and... there are lots of problems with them. There are several sizes, from #10 (or is it 10#?) to #32. The larger the number the more meat it will process, with a #32 putting out five pounds per minute. That would be some serious work, but going without ground meat would be worse. Prices range from, say, $30's to almost $400 (that one is for chumming though, and comes with a fish cutting tray, fishing pole hole stand, a chute for the ground fish, and such). Few grinders get really good results, most suggest that there is rust on the device when received. I can't tell compainers from serious reviewers... or plant workers trying to brag something up. I'm still investigating. I have as much time as I have, but probably at least a year before I would be interested in investing the money.
Finally, a good day, for the most part. The sun was out, my ailments made sense, dinner was pretty darned good, I have a few short and midterm things scheduled, and I am awake, five pounds lighter, and my bp is coming down quite nicely, better than ever before. I'm on the right meds, possibly adding diabetes meds soon too. I just can't complain today.
Good night.
I love it when it makes sense.
.
.
I went through hard lethargy the other day, then flu-like symptoms today, and have other odd complaints in the last few days I didn't mention. I have pretty much just restarted meds, and while there are some issues with those too, these things were very different. Then it hit me, I had a flu shot at the last clinic. Those usually, if they do cause minor issues, do so in a delayed fashion for me. Several days after getting them whatever is going to hit me hits. And, so it has. I was getting nervous about some things there for a bit. All good.
While I am still going through various minor flu symptoms, off and on, nothing serious and rarely more than one or two symptoms at a time with one waxing while another wanes, when things make sense I begin to feel better about it all. So, I am feeling much better. I'll just let 'the machine' go through it's cycle and worry no more about it. Plus I know I should be over any problems very quickly, no more than a day or two will see me back on my feet.
I backed the furnace down to 72, it had been on 74-76. Between the flu thing and holding extra water, I suspect my internal thermostat was very off. Even now 72 seems a bit chill, but... tolerable. And since today is pretty shot, I won't try and stoke my world up with extra heat. I called my friend. He and a friend of his are having problems getting the new site in his pistol. He has the new barrel in. It may be a day or two, and he has to do some shopping with his sister as well. I have something tomorrow and Wednesday, though I may have to cancel the event tomorrow. Going outside the way I am feeling is going to be difficult. I will do it for a needed heart clinic appointment, but little else. Hopefully, though, by Friday, his gun will be together and I will be of a more adventurous mind.
Supper will be arriving before too long. I took my medicines a bit late, but then I woke late, today. Noon thirty, I believe, is about when I scrambled to my feet. The girls were in my room, trying to wake me for food. Yeah, fair enough, so I did feed them right away. I will clean up the kitchen a bit this evening, a few dishes, vacuuming and sweeping, and deciding what to do with a few items and boxes of items. Tomorrow will probably see me to tending the living room and computer room. A few things, through life, just get out of place. I'd like to try and keep the place neat for as long as I can, and think it should be easy enough if I do even just a bit now and again and try to stay on top of any major project right while I am doing it. I think I can.
That's it. Later.
.
I went through hard lethargy the other day, then flu-like symptoms today, and have other odd complaints in the last few days I didn't mention. I have pretty much just restarted meds, and while there are some issues with those too, these things were very different. Then it hit me, I had a flu shot at the last clinic. Those usually, if they do cause minor issues, do so in a delayed fashion for me. Several days after getting them whatever is going to hit me hits. And, so it has. I was getting nervous about some things there for a bit. All good.
While I am still going through various minor flu symptoms, off and on, nothing serious and rarely more than one or two symptoms at a time with one waxing while another wanes, when things make sense I begin to feel better about it all. So, I am feeling much better. I'll just let 'the machine' go through it's cycle and worry no more about it. Plus I know I should be over any problems very quickly, no more than a day or two will see me back on my feet.
I backed the furnace down to 72, it had been on 74-76. Between the flu thing and holding extra water, I suspect my internal thermostat was very off. Even now 72 seems a bit chill, but... tolerable. And since today is pretty shot, I won't try and stoke my world up with extra heat. I called my friend. He and a friend of his are having problems getting the new site in his pistol. He has the new barrel in. It may be a day or two, and he has to do some shopping with his sister as well. I have something tomorrow and Wednesday, though I may have to cancel the event tomorrow. Going outside the way I am feeling is going to be difficult. I will do it for a needed heart clinic appointment, but little else. Hopefully, though, by Friday, his gun will be together and I will be of a more adventurous mind.
Supper will be arriving before too long. I took my medicines a bit late, but then I woke late, today. Noon thirty, I believe, is about when I scrambled to my feet. The girls were in my room, trying to wake me for food. Yeah, fair enough, so I did feed them right away. I will clean up the kitchen a bit this evening, a few dishes, vacuuming and sweeping, and deciding what to do with a few items and boxes of items. Tomorrow will probably see me to tending the living room and computer room. A few things, through life, just get out of place. I'd like to try and keep the place neat for as long as I can, and think it should be easy enough if I do even just a bit now and again and try to stay on top of any major project right while I am doing it. I think I can.
That's it. Later.
Late it was before sleep came calling.
.
.
I tried to sleep a number of times before finally settling in at 3:30 or so. I was tired, ready for sleep. I suspect my lethargy of late actually stores enough energy to make sleeping impossible. How to break the lethargy in order to use some of that energy though? I don't know, for sure. But that is what I need to look at. I have been dealing with this problem, if much more so after truly becoming disabled by these issues, since I was young. It is just that before now I was able to keep up with demands, simply foregoing sleep as was required. When I fall now I simply can't push through regularly or fully. When I try to go without sleep I can fail hard. I'm in a position now, like never before, to begin working on it though.
The water pills are definitely doing what I proposed for them. I lost five pounds since yesterday and my blood pressure dropped from 194/117 to 141/106, but my pulse rocketed to 97. I haven't had a pulse like that since I was initially diagnosed with heart failure, and enduring hard-core edema. Ugh, but I feel odd this morning. I do feel rested, but a bit dizzy or something. I'm not unsteady on my feet, it is more when I am sitting that the feeling comes over me. I can get up just fine, and at a terrible pace (my normal). But just sitting here I am feeling nauseous.
The sun is shining! After... days... a week... of darkness the sun broke through and is spilling light everywhere. The curtains are no longer partially drawn, but opened in full, and the heat and light is pouring in. I needed that as much as I needed anything else. Morale was slipping on that front. I was starting to think I was back in Iowa! Hmm, they are getting a lot of sun there though, more than us. On average though I think we win, winter long, with much more sun. At least from what I have seen.
As bed time approached, the first one, I decided to get the trash and recycling to the bins. If there was little in the bins I thought I would simply forgo taking the bins to the curb. Well? The trash bin was empty before I added the one sack. The recycling bin had one bag in it, plus the bag I added, so only a quarter full. Oh well, though, I thought. Since I was out already, might as well take them to the curb, if nothing else for propriety or regularity or domesticity... something. Plus, it was so pleasant of a night. It felt, to me, as if it was in the 50's. I tried to go to bed after that but it just wasn't happening. I watched Pandorum instead. It's an okay sci-fi, with a typical Hollywood ending though. I think I have watched it before, but... probably a very long time ago and not in full. It beats most of what H-wood is putting out these days.
Today? I have no idea. I'm hoping to... get a grip on this off-sensation. I'm hoping the nausea goes away. If I do anything, it will be light cleaning to restore the general tidy nature my mother left in my home. I haven't lost it but the edges of that are fraying. I knew, however, that at some point, wanted or not, I would have to fall, to some degree or other. The pace I had been on was greatly unsustainable. Last week I kept working, if slowing over the week. If this weeks is, mostly, an idle week, then that is no loss. And yet I don't want to go completely cold if I can help it. Yes, a bit of home-keeping might be the goal. The drywall and light in the back room will just have to wait until conditions of energy and health allow it. I might keep tinkering on it though.
Good day.
.
I tried to sleep a number of times before finally settling in at 3:30 or so. I was tired, ready for sleep. I suspect my lethargy of late actually stores enough energy to make sleeping impossible. How to break the lethargy in order to use some of that energy though? I don't know, for sure. But that is what I need to look at. I have been dealing with this problem, if much more so after truly becoming disabled by these issues, since I was young. It is just that before now I was able to keep up with demands, simply foregoing sleep as was required. When I fall now I simply can't push through regularly or fully. When I try to go without sleep I can fail hard. I'm in a position now, like never before, to begin working on it though.
The water pills are definitely doing what I proposed for them. I lost five pounds since yesterday and my blood pressure dropped from 194/117 to 141/106, but my pulse rocketed to 97. I haven't had a pulse like that since I was initially diagnosed with heart failure, and enduring hard-core edema. Ugh, but I feel odd this morning. I do feel rested, but a bit dizzy or something. I'm not unsteady on my feet, it is more when I am sitting that the feeling comes over me. I can get up just fine, and at a terrible pace (my normal). But just sitting here I am feeling nauseous.
The sun is shining! After... days... a week... of darkness the sun broke through and is spilling light everywhere. The curtains are no longer partially drawn, but opened in full, and the heat and light is pouring in. I needed that as much as I needed anything else. Morale was slipping on that front. I was starting to think I was back in Iowa! Hmm, they are getting a lot of sun there though, more than us. On average though I think we win, winter long, with much more sun. At least from what I have seen.
As bed time approached, the first one, I decided to get the trash and recycling to the bins. If there was little in the bins I thought I would simply forgo taking the bins to the curb. Well? The trash bin was empty before I added the one sack. The recycling bin had one bag in it, plus the bag I added, so only a quarter full. Oh well, though, I thought. Since I was out already, might as well take them to the curb, if nothing else for propriety or regularity or domesticity... something. Plus, it was so pleasant of a night. It felt, to me, as if it was in the 50's. I tried to go to bed after that but it just wasn't happening. I watched Pandorum instead. It's an okay sci-fi, with a typical Hollywood ending though. I think I have watched it before, but... probably a very long time ago and not in full. It beats most of what H-wood is putting out these days.
Today? I have no idea. I'm hoping to... get a grip on this off-sensation. I'm hoping the nausea goes away. If I do anything, it will be light cleaning to restore the general tidy nature my mother left in my home. I haven't lost it but the edges of that are fraying. I knew, however, that at some point, wanted or not, I would have to fall, to some degree or other. The pace I had been on was greatly unsustainable. Last week I kept working, if slowing over the week. If this weeks is, mostly, an idle week, then that is no loss. And yet I don't want to go completely cold if I can help it. Yes, a bit of home-keeping might be the goal. The drywall and light in the back room will just have to wait until conditions of energy and health allow it. I might keep tinkering on it though.
Good day.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Hmm? Oh, not bad.
.
.
Actually the day has been splendid. I haven't been overly tired. I haven't been overly active, either. Still, I certainly have, and am, enjoying the day. I have mostly been gaming. Taking my time, figuring things out, then feasting on the combat, the little of it I get. I have split some of my time investigating a few other topics of interest. Coffee, tools for that, ideas regarding it, sources for green coffee beans is of interest. A bit more research will go into canning, since the final device needed for that will be arriving shortly. Uhm, wait, I actually have some more tools for that required, and of course bottles, lids, and gasket lids. But I am very close.
As it stands, the next items I will be buying include all of the canning goods and two propane tanks (grill size). Then I will begin planning for the grain mill. The one I am leaning toward is a bit pricey, but all metal, with a very good yield per work ratio, and of course I will be buying the bike hook-up for it, since I happen to have a 'spare bike' that will fit. After that I will begin saving for wallpapering the kitchen (unless I end up being able to get all the paper off even the drywall in the kitchen... unlikely as that is). I can't remember what next, regarding prepping, other than keeping my short term stock in order, but I believe there is another large purchase out there. But for the home, the next bit of saving and spending will be for installing a new floor in the kitchen, most likely to include sub-flooring.
I am sure watching me wrangle through prep and home improvements makes watching the grass grow seem exciting. It amazes me how long it seems to take but then how, looking back, things, big and small, end up done, one way or another. Oh, and I certainly fall into traps, where what I thought was needed was a quarter of what turns out to be required. With some help, even these have been tended. I still hope, next year, assuming a new water heater has been installed in my personal bathroom, to dig a 3'-4' trench from that bathroom to the back of my home, in order to connect the cold water to the water softener, so as to have softened water home-wide. That I can work on in bits and pieces, at my pace, and know exactly what to do and how to do it. I don't know if I can, but being back on medicine and with a cool home to hide within should I work a bit too much, might make the difference. This summer was truly a disaster. That heat though, it absolutely slaughtered my intent. Not next year! One thing at a time, even if I didn't see that coming, I have finally fixed it too.
I am anxious to get the grain mill. But I need to finish purchasing production systems whole or I will end up with parts and pieces, and nothing complete. I would rather have five complete survival systems than 10 systems with only half of the components. And more, with a complete set, the devices can be tried (or fully put into production) so that those little things you might need or even want for the system, that might not be on the list, can be purchased before it is too late. No, I'll stick with ordering full systems and then moving on. Any additional needs, which are usually minor, can be gotten along the way, out of spending/pocket money. Ugh, but... it is coming along nicely.
Just think, four years ago or so I was living in a nasty city, in a duplex rental, surrounding by tribal criminals and a police system that worked on quota arrests so didn't bother with petty stuff like trespassing, drug selling, and such. I had no food stored. I had a legal system that favored the criminal right through the courts, and a state that handed criminals their rights back right after parole (save gun ownership, though merely as a technicality). Now I have a home, with enough room for a massive garden, chickens, and larger livestock. I have a year of long term food stuffs, plus two to three months or more of mid-term food stuffs. I have hand and power tools, some building and repair supplies, and places to use those. I have neighbors who can help, trade, and work with. I have a legal system that is on the side of the right. I have money in the bank, am learning home care and updating, and... enjoy my life every single day without worrying about having to kill in self defense and then be forced to defend my freedoms from a "liberal" judiciary. Oh, and I see mountains every single day. Plus, I am not done. A small garden, heirloom with seed collection, this year. A freezer for meats, with some already put up and a hog in the works, a canner for non-freezer meats and other things in time all in the works, and... more to come. All on my own, on my own nickle, and much of it with my own sweat. More to come, folks. Enjoy the show. (That'll be one dollar, thank you, thank you. Too slow? Then... pay me three dollars, that'll put a fire in my belly!)
Later.
.
Actually the day has been splendid. I haven't been overly tired. I haven't been overly active, either. Still, I certainly have, and am, enjoying the day. I have mostly been gaming. Taking my time, figuring things out, then feasting on the combat, the little of it I get. I have split some of my time investigating a few other topics of interest. Coffee, tools for that, ideas regarding it, sources for green coffee beans is of interest. A bit more research will go into canning, since the final device needed for that will be arriving shortly. Uhm, wait, I actually have some more tools for that required, and of course bottles, lids, and gasket lids. But I am very close.
As it stands, the next items I will be buying include all of the canning goods and two propane tanks (grill size). Then I will begin planning for the grain mill. The one I am leaning toward is a bit pricey, but all metal, with a very good yield per work ratio, and of course I will be buying the bike hook-up for it, since I happen to have a 'spare bike' that will fit. After that I will begin saving for wallpapering the kitchen (unless I end up being able to get all the paper off even the drywall in the kitchen... unlikely as that is). I can't remember what next, regarding prepping, other than keeping my short term stock in order, but I believe there is another large purchase out there. But for the home, the next bit of saving and spending will be for installing a new floor in the kitchen, most likely to include sub-flooring.
I am sure watching me wrangle through prep and home improvements makes watching the grass grow seem exciting. It amazes me how long it seems to take but then how, looking back, things, big and small, end up done, one way or another. Oh, and I certainly fall into traps, where what I thought was needed was a quarter of what turns out to be required. With some help, even these have been tended. I still hope, next year, assuming a new water heater has been installed in my personal bathroom, to dig a 3'-4' trench from that bathroom to the back of my home, in order to connect the cold water to the water softener, so as to have softened water home-wide. That I can work on in bits and pieces, at my pace, and know exactly what to do and how to do it. I don't know if I can, but being back on medicine and with a cool home to hide within should I work a bit too much, might make the difference. This summer was truly a disaster. That heat though, it absolutely slaughtered my intent. Not next year! One thing at a time, even if I didn't see that coming, I have finally fixed it too.
I am anxious to get the grain mill. But I need to finish purchasing production systems whole or I will end up with parts and pieces, and nothing complete. I would rather have five complete survival systems than 10 systems with only half of the components. And more, with a complete set, the devices can be tried (or fully put into production) so that those little things you might need or even want for the system, that might not be on the list, can be purchased before it is too late. No, I'll stick with ordering full systems and then moving on. Any additional needs, which are usually minor, can be gotten along the way, out of spending/pocket money. Ugh, but... it is coming along nicely.
Just think, four years ago or so I was living in a nasty city, in a duplex rental, surrounding by tribal criminals and a police system that worked on quota arrests so didn't bother with petty stuff like trespassing, drug selling, and such. I had no food stored. I had a legal system that favored the criminal right through the courts, and a state that handed criminals their rights back right after parole (save gun ownership, though merely as a technicality). Now I have a home, with enough room for a massive garden, chickens, and larger livestock. I have a year of long term food stuffs, plus two to three months or more of mid-term food stuffs. I have hand and power tools, some building and repair supplies, and places to use those. I have neighbors who can help, trade, and work with. I have a legal system that is on the side of the right. I have money in the bank, am learning home care and updating, and... enjoy my life every single day without worrying about having to kill in self defense and then be forced to defend my freedoms from a "liberal" judiciary. Oh, and I see mountains every single day. Plus, I am not done. A small garden, heirloom with seed collection, this year. A freezer for meats, with some already put up and a hog in the works, a canner for non-freezer meats and other things in time all in the works, and... more to come. All on my own, on my own nickle, and much of it with my own sweat. More to come, folks. Enjoy the show. (That'll be one dollar, thank you, thank you. Too slow? Then... pay me three dollars, that'll put a fire in my belly!)
Later.
Grasping at straws as I slide into darkness.
.
.
I don't quit, if I have a choice. Chances? I let those worry about themselves. Whatever is wrong with me is a bit lighter today. My blood pressure is well up into the middle of the old high range, mostly, at 194/117 and my weight is sticking right in the center of the 270s. I realized, the other day, that my fingers were beginning to feel like sausages. Having not been on meds for so long, I had forgotten that a bit of tinkering with those might help. What the finger sensation means is that I am taking on water. Sometimes that goes to the feet, sometimes the torso, sometimes the hands. Or at least I feel or otherwise notice water gain in certain parts first, at various times. So... I doubled my water pill. I refilled my med-set as well. If the sensation of having bloated fingers subsides, and I lose "weight", I may cut the doubling down. If things stay good, I might then again cut the water pill to levels heretofore. Then again, I may really need a dose and a half, right between what I was taking yesterday and what I am taking now. I seem to always have trouble at the lower dose, yet the higher dose brings about it's own problems (cramping in the legs, and even lethargy from slight dehydration I think, which can only be overcome by massive fluid intake, which itself is problematic and unsustainable). Tinker, try, see, and find. Learn, and... Next!
As I said, today isn't as bad as yesterday. I didn't get to sleep until 4:30, but I woke just slightly after 9:30, feeling rested. A crazy dream was in between. I had this off, incorrect, but humbly foolish thought that I wished to share with Christiandom. So, at a major rally, I rose and presented my notion, along with a physical representation in the form of a minor show, sort of like what a magician or science class may present to bolster an idea (is there a difference between the two? at least one is honest in that the representation isn't what it seems to present). Now, either I didn't have the notion correct, or in the... passion of the showing, with the crowd and such, I lost the crux of what I was exposing. I could no longer fully explain, when it was demanded. I was called a heretic and stoned. I realized, in my dying, that my sin was so much smaller than the sins of the body whole, even if I had been incorrect, that it was silly, and sad. Christiandom, it seemed, was lost to devices and mechanics, much as the Jewish faith, as Christ declared, had been lost to laws. Oh, in real life, that is something I have queried, and it is a concern. The dream was just a... presentation piece regarding that notion. God's children have always, and continue to, disobey, egregiously, daily, even to Moses. Just... well...
I'll... try to get to some things today. I simply won't promise a thing. It is still stormy looking. It could darken more or lighten up though, I don't attend the weather news save for travel. I gain more enjoyment just seeing what will happen. Snow? Rain? Sun? A mix? Surprise me! On cooler days I only partly open the drapes in the front room. It allows some light and yet maintains some bit of insulation. But the views, from my home, are worth a bit of chill. Natural lighting, too, is much preferred. In these overcast days, the light is peacefully quietly subtle, which matches my mood, or state of being. Even the girls like my sort of window trim.
Ah well. Have a great day. Remember the day of the Lord, and to keep it holy. While I can do little to attend that notion, I keep it in my heart, in my mind, on my tongue, and even here on my fingertips. I pronounce it. There is little more I can do, today, with this. I hope that is pleasing enough. Good day.
.
I don't quit, if I have a choice. Chances? I let those worry about themselves. Whatever is wrong with me is a bit lighter today. My blood pressure is well up into the middle of the old high range, mostly, at 194/117 and my weight is sticking right in the center of the 270s. I realized, the other day, that my fingers were beginning to feel like sausages. Having not been on meds for so long, I had forgotten that a bit of tinkering with those might help. What the finger sensation means is that I am taking on water. Sometimes that goes to the feet, sometimes the torso, sometimes the hands. Or at least I feel or otherwise notice water gain in certain parts first, at various times. So... I doubled my water pill. I refilled my med-set as well. If the sensation of having bloated fingers subsides, and I lose "weight", I may cut the doubling down. If things stay good, I might then again cut the water pill to levels heretofore. Then again, I may really need a dose and a half, right between what I was taking yesterday and what I am taking now. I seem to always have trouble at the lower dose, yet the higher dose brings about it's own problems (cramping in the legs, and even lethargy from slight dehydration I think, which can only be overcome by massive fluid intake, which itself is problematic and unsustainable). Tinker, try, see, and find. Learn, and... Next!
As I said, today isn't as bad as yesterday. I didn't get to sleep until 4:30, but I woke just slightly after 9:30, feeling rested. A crazy dream was in between. I had this off, incorrect, but humbly foolish thought that I wished to share with Christiandom. So, at a major rally, I rose and presented my notion, along with a physical representation in the form of a minor show, sort of like what a magician or science class may present to bolster an idea (is there a difference between the two? at least one is honest in that the representation isn't what it seems to present). Now, either I didn't have the notion correct, or in the... passion of the showing, with the crowd and such, I lost the crux of what I was exposing. I could no longer fully explain, when it was demanded. I was called a heretic and stoned. I realized, in my dying, that my sin was so much smaller than the sins of the body whole, even if I had been incorrect, that it was silly, and sad. Christiandom, it seemed, was lost to devices and mechanics, much as the Jewish faith, as Christ declared, had been lost to laws. Oh, in real life, that is something I have queried, and it is a concern. The dream was just a... presentation piece regarding that notion. God's children have always, and continue to, disobey, egregiously, daily, even to Moses. Just... well...
I'll... try to get to some things today. I simply won't promise a thing. It is still stormy looking. It could darken more or lighten up though, I don't attend the weather news save for travel. I gain more enjoyment just seeing what will happen. Snow? Rain? Sun? A mix? Surprise me! On cooler days I only partly open the drapes in the front room. It allows some light and yet maintains some bit of insulation. But the views, from my home, are worth a bit of chill. Natural lighting, too, is much preferred. In these overcast days, the light is peacefully quietly subtle, which matches my mood, or state of being. Even the girls like my sort of window trim.
Ah well. Have a great day. Remember the day of the Lord, and to keep it holy. While I can do little to attend that notion, I keep it in my heart, in my mind, on my tongue, and even here on my fingertips. I pronounce it. There is little more I can do, today, with this. I hope that is pleasing enough. Good day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)