Awake and fairly better again.

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Improvement is very limited, if improvement is compounding over days.  Just another three quarters of a liter out last night, so I slept fairly well, warmly, and with fresh air.  Not sure if that really helps, but I think so.  That may be what is causing continued improvements?  Though it seems to be warmer out there?

Yes.  The thermometer reads 30, several do.  But, it isn't frozen.  It feels more like a... soft 40.  Water is dripping, from rain.  Foggy.  Very low visibility, here at ground level... perhaps two miles?  Though it may close and open as time goes on.  There is something delicious about fog, rain, this sort of temperature oddity, and such.  As... long as I don't have to drive in it.

Art, and such.

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Not all art is painted, or otherwise created.  Sometimes it just is.  The art of war, for example.  Such a terrible cost, but too, sometimes of great value.  Worth more than the loss?  There are times and places in which the price can't be questioned.  Other times it absolutely should be.  The beauty in it, if the horror too.

War, if done correctly, isn't about control, power, winning, or else, it is... a feeble attempt at hope.  Taking the term from a mouth thing, to a world thing.  All other forms of war are murder.  Even when the men fighting are doing it rightly, doesn't mean their leaders aren't just getting rich, or doing murder for gain of some sort.

Never sure.

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Mockery, encouragement, simping, or... some such?  Had to laugh.  And... not?  I enjoy the show as much as others.  Not always for the same reason.

Hmm?  Oh, video pops that made me do some addition, subtraction, and cross my eyes just a wee.

Someone is saying something.

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I mean, technically, I fit in the second group this man discusses.  Beaten, burned, cut, shot, nearly shot, etc.  I haven't seen everything.  I have seen a lot of forms of violence.  Endured?  I would say endured.  I didn't seek it out.  Usually.  Everyone who comes to know violence has to go through a maturing process.  One hopefully they make it through.  So, there were times I was, or tried, to be a bully.

Whether right or wrong, I have gotten my ass handed to me.  Sometimes I pushed through, until I won.  Sometimes I... realized I was wrong and just ate it.  Learning lesson.  One of my favorite losses was absolutely deserved.  Could have been worse, too.  It's strange though?  When you... are right... true?  You can sometimes punch a thousand pounds above your weightclass.  But when you are wrong?  For me, it was like I became glass.

Someone speaks.

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Using tools I have used for tongues.

Knowing yourself, and your enemy, will only lead to victory, if you are true.

Oh I tried.

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Invited to an event.  A famous young lady was set to give a presentation.  Asked to attend.  But... a bit later in the day, yesterday.  Sometimes that makes a difference, sometimes not.  I was... favoring going.

So, yesterday, I showered.  As well, trimmed whiskers, then shaved as well.  Two very different things.  Brushed my teeth.  Then set the alarms, one for five, one for seven.  As well, I tried to get to bed earlier.  Did... get to bed earlier.

Russia took out an Israeli nuke?

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Well, so goes the scuttlebutt around... some parts of the internet.  Believe?  Rumor?  You takes your chances, you learn to take all with salt, bigger or smaller grains, but... all with salt.

Me?  I... could see it.  Though, if I were to go that way, and believe the Israeli attack on Iran, with the probable intention of a high level (emp) detonation?  And the F-35 flying it in being shot down?  By Russia?  I would also have to believe they were informed by the US, given coordinates, current location, maybe the information to lock in the kill... live.

Dancing.

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Putting things together.  From fresh, old, recent.  Mostly because someone saw something, and... let me know.  I had to smile.  And eventually post.

A bit more to eat.

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Nothing fancy.  Chicken drumsticks.  I had them going.  But had to wait a bit, as they needed more time.  Then I heard it.  A roaring.  Someone was mowing?  But... where?  It sure seemed close.  So, upon checking, I realized it was my known neighbor.  I was... hoping the chicken would hurry done.  Wasn't sure what to do.

I decided to open the door, and at least waive, in thanks.  but I didn't want to bother him, either.  Not... yet.  I decided to offer him the chicken.  Well, I had more chicken.  But that is only part way done.  These pieces were to be well done, but without being over done... when then hit 175.

I wasn't sure it would be done in time.  So, I just had to wait.  I kept listening.  Sometimes it sounded like he had left?  Then the machine would start up.  On and off it would go.  Perhaps he was getting sticks out of the way?  Which... is why I haven't mowed yet.  I... was just praying the chicken would be done in time.

Who is there?

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She?  I think so.  I... may have forgotten.  She yet has access.  I just didn't think... well... I did suspect.  Saw no... clear evidence.  Until now?  Maybe.

How do they do that?

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Punch up music, before... it's due.  I noticed, but didn't look, until... I thought a bit more about it.  A darkness?  Love, and war and friendship and peace... these can all be dark.  Or... you can see beyond the dark?  I... can.  I have to.  For there is so much more.  Still, I'll... show, not tell.  See if you see what I see?  Or... take the hints?

Wonderful?

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Well, a wonderful headache.  Full-bodied, seriously uncomfortable, from the spine at the base of my neck through to the frontal lobe on twelve threads of hurt.  Nostrils were clogged this morning, part of it.  A bloody nose in one this morning.  Better than the last few days.  I have been having double bloody noses for a week now, on waking.  Sometimes lasting hours.

Whatever.  I stripped the bed, so as to remake the blankets tonight.  I was wrestling with them all night.  Mostly successfully though.  I never felt too cold.

Dreams, lots of them.

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In the first one, my last ex showed up in a van, while I was upstairs sleeping.  Blaring rap music.  Thankfully, she cut it as soon as she stopped and was getting out.  Yes, in her younger days, she would have done such a thing.  Probably doesn't even ever listen to the music, just knows I hate it.  Would have to have borrowed the cd.  Wench.

Someone puts two and two together?

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Lunch is  being warmed.  Broccoli, cauliflower, a few twigs of celery, a half dozen baby carrots, and some of the pork roast, steaming.  It heats rather quickly, really.  I have only started adding the celery recently.  I like the bit of flavor it adds, but, too, I enjoy eating it steamed.  Warmed, it's aromatic nature becomes much more pronounced.  Carrots are for color, flavor, and texture.  I drain and butter the veggies, with the meat on the side.

I did have a cup of kefir, and a fatted coffee.  I'll just have water with dinner.

Ah, but... yes.  Someone added links, or direct pops, to certain music.  And, yes, I... see it.  Believe or else, I only ever wanted to read, and write, and do maths...  well, science, until I learned that science is math based.  Of course, math... is pretty weaksauce without honest considerations, and observations.  I... wasn't allowed my druthers.  For... good, or ill?

The music.  Right.  Right you may well be.

I don't want to...

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Bedtime, however, will be delayed no longer.

I know what is coming.

Well, on to bed.

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I have been avoiding sleep.  I... know what awaits, or what may be there, again, tonight.  The first few nights are fine.  But... after a bit, it... gets tiring.  Problem is, I can't stay awake any longer.  So... I took some pain pills.  For what is, and for what may be.  Fear?  Yes, and... no.  I won't give up.  I may die in there, but that isn't the end.  It's the... drubbing... win, lose, or draw, that I am less interested in.

Is it that time already?

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Right at 14:00.  Earlier, but not by much.  As well, it wasn't until 04:30, about an hour earlier, when I went to bed.  If an hour earlier than the earliest of recent bedtimes, so... on average, a decent amount earlier than usual.  The last few days I have been backing it down, going to bed in a trending earlier direction.  I'll keep at it.  On medicine, sometimes I can do what is impossible off it... back my day up rather than have to push the clock around.  Backing up the clock is easier, if possible.  Something like that.

I keep wondering, about an incident.  When the young man ended up being handcuffed by the police... for trying to hit me.  How did I get him to attack, right when it was most fortuitous for me?  It... was intended, mind you.  The choice was to rip him limb from limb.  Which, too, was... quite possible, simple even.  That would have been the easier of the two.

How did I steal peace from his heart?  Well... that depends on the man.  This man?  I... had to think about it.  I did it almost intuitively.  I have had to think about how I got that particular one to act as I willed.  Oh, I have done it before.  Like hitting a practiced, particular, note... on a piano or guitar, while doing it you aren't sure how you do it, you just know to do it and it gets done.

After thinking about it, I remembered, in this case.  I waited until his heart was hard.  I didn't need to encourage it, but, given what I knew was going to have to happen, I did encourage it.  Not... by being mean, or ornery, but by being honest and clear at times when those weren't desired.  He wanted things, for the damage of his father.  I gave him what he didn't want, right when he wasn't wanting exactly those things.  But, I didn't go too far.  Just a word, or look.

In time, he got used to being... misabused by his emotions and my reactions.  He toughened up.  Because of his immature nature, he couldn't let it go.  But he could resist some of the impulses.  In time, when the time was right, instead of giving him what he needed, was used to receiving, I gave him... empathy.  Full and complete.  He... couldn't handle it.  I knew the officer was behind him.  For his rage, he knew nothing.  As he pulled back, the officer, to whom I had just been speaking, arrested his arm... and... the rest of him.

The look on his face, as he realized... something had gone terribly wrong for him?  Something between rage and horror.  That was one of the princes I took down.  Hard.  But of his own hand, literally in this case.  Do I like doing that?  Well, I don't like what the privileged do, so... yes.  I hate spoiled bad people, or what they do and are often allowed to do.

I never heard from him, or his father, again.  I knew his mother.  And, while she... was ever suspicious of me, what I had done to her family was balanced by my saving her from an out-of-control golden glove boxer.  What their issue was I will never know.  Only, I wasn't going to let him mash her.  Odd life, and strange people, I have met.

Sleep will happen.

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I had worried that the nap would throw off sleep.  If I had hoped it would help me get going.  Nope, neither.  So far.  Still hoping to hit dishes before bedtime, but... no guarantee.  Still dark out there, if it had warmed... a bit... last I checked.  Just into the low fifties, high forties... can't remember.  Nor can I get up to go check.  Tired.

I get the feeling I am being challenged.  In... some... odd way.  Some people think they could do well.  Farmers, construction workers, others who do hard work often believe they are strong men.  And, well they might be.  But they are not warriors.  It would be like me trying to farm, or do construction work, on a competitive basis.  I can't.  Nor, honestly, can they war.  In time, with training and experience, they could be made to... be somewhat survivable, and capable of inflicting harm.

Ah, very good.

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I got a meal going.  Nothing fancy.  A swiss and ham sandwich, with and extra slice of cheese.  Didn't want to waste a sandwich, in case chewing my meal was too difficult.  Literally hurt to eat last night.  Muscles burned, were weak, rough.  Then a couple of ounces of keto fruit, as keto as it gets.  Then more cracklin's, with hot sauce drizzled over.

You probably wouldn't eat this for flavor.  But... I'm not eating for flavor, mostly.  Actually, for most meals, I am aiming for slightly tasty, mostly bland.  At least until I learn my cues regarding being physically full.  Well, and a meal or two a week, if I can do a bit better, I would like to make something exceptional... when I can cook again.  Though, even if I get to knowing satiation, I will try to dress down most meals.  A trick, but a good one.

My one failure, currently, with food, is that I make a set amount and eat it all.  While that sounds right, finishing the plate as mother wished, it really isn't.  At least while learning satiation.  The trick, in this case, is to have more than you should eat, and learn when to cut it off.  The subtleties and vagaries of regaining control of food are tricky.  Then again, I am pretty sure, from previous meals, that what I ate is typically where I would stop.  An extra sandwich always seems too much.  And, while a few bites from an extra sandwich might be wanted, they aren't needed.  If that just happened to be the way it turned out... because of a fear of an exhausted jaw while eating.

Tea, as well, was quite good.  Plus, no sweeteners or else.  I am continuing to sip on that.  My great thirst has been slain, I think.  I'll still drink three to four quarts.  But in the mid 60s, at altitude, more fluid is good.  I am trying to learn when I am thirsty, along with learning about my hunger.  Both frequency and volume are being sorted.  As well, I am trying to go more to sipping than chugging.