Chores, done.

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Plus, made it to early afternoon.  I may be awake even longer.  Not sure I have a choice.  Can't quite go to bed.  Want to.  Feel like it.  But it won't work.

The girls are begging for food.  But I am out.  Plus, they had four tins last night.  I am trying to feed them more.  Well, there is another can, but that has to last until I can get in.  Hopefully tomorrow morning.  They aren't open 24/7 anymore.  Not sure when they close.  Any time from 20:00 to 23:00.  I just don't know these days.

Still, with a shower taken, there is some hope that I can get out soon.  I suppose I could use cans of tuna, if I am not sure they will eat it.  They are rather picky.  I will be frying burger, but that is hit and miss with them, whether they will eat it.  Though, currently, Sam will eat just about anything.

Hmm...  So tired.  I wish I could crash.  I need to unwind, just a bit.  Though, too, I don't mind pushing my day longer into actual day.  Ah, another thing...  It is 34 F, today!  That is the first day it has gotten above freezing in... a month, two?  It's been a while.  Not that I expect that, in winter, actually.  Just... it has happened.  Not in a while, but it has happened, several times this winter.  Odd, actually.

I am beginning to think they might actually believe the world is truly about to end, because of grobal warbling.  When you are convinced, then convince yourself, even if it isn't true, or if true not much to be done about it (as it doesn't involve humans), then you will do everything in your power to save the earth.  Well, except give up yachts, private jets, and else.  Heck, they are buying even more properties on the beach.  Do they even get how off that looks?

This is what covid, and the 'vax is about.  Rats, getting wound up, then winding up the mice... those who will allow it.  I know better.  While the world is dangerous, chasing the lead of those who have lost their shit, and want you to lose yours, isn't going to work well, or end well.  I just hope most of them really did take the jab.  A lot of the elites really aren't elite.  Just upper tier middlemen.  Nothing more.

Well, on to some gaming.  A bit of warmth to drink.  Then, maybe, on to bed.  Good afternoon, good day, and goodnight.

Well?

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If nothing else, I finally got a shower.  I heated the remainder of the steak from yesterday.  I had a strange thought.  I thought sauerkraut would actually go well with that side of the steak.  And?  It did.  It was... quite a nice mix.  That side is very lean.  The 'kraut kept it moist.  All I know is, that sauerkraut is a lot more versatile than I had initially thought.  Now that I think of it, I do believe I have heard it used in chocolate cake, to keep it moist.  Pureed?  I don't remember the details.

I have been feeding the girls, extra.  Sam is just going for the juice, but I am trying to get her what she can and will eat.  It looks like she has taken to peeing in the shower/tub.  I suppose she is too frail to go the the bathroom as often as she wants.  And, with a cat condo in the bathroom, her little quiet place, it is better than peeing on the floor?  She is trying, but... dying is a miserable thing.  I still hope we might figure something out, that could help her.  Even if death is required, to be able to take in food, while dying, would be preferred.

So very tired.  Maybe the shower will help.  In my own way, if with... probably... more time than her... I too am on the edge of things.  I know death might be a blessing, but as with Sam, I am fighting it, for what good it does sometimes.  Yet, neither of us has died, yet.  Or... for me... again.  Keeping at it.

Well, back to gaming.  The shower wore me out.  Then chores in a bit, when I catch my breath.  Then on to bed.  Couldn't stay awake very late yesterday.  Never sure when I will crash, it's not a choice or conscious thing, it happens when it happens.  Well, have a great day.  If you can, do.  Do for those of us who can't.  I'll send some prayers your way.  Amen.

I don't know.

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Nothing.  Again.  I did eat, deal with the girls, and am about to hit chores.  I am hoping to get a shower in.  That will be it.  Dead on my feet.  Been thinking of doing more.  Been making plans.  Can barely stay awake.  A sunny day.  Will try, if absolutely nothing else, to stay awake until early to mid afternoon.

Steak, grilled.  For some strange reason, the grill lit up easily, quickly, and got rather hot.  I don't know why sometimes it won't.  There is something... odd... about where I live.  It was 14 F, while working with the grill.  About the same temp the last several times.  The last several times, I had to really work the grill, spending an hour and an half to two hours, relighting, kindling it, doing it all over again.  It was nice to have it just work this time.

I only ate half the steak.  Sam got a share.  The rest is in the fridge, for tonight.  For as fatty as it really is, it isn't all that tasty.  It will do.  But it's... not what I hoped.  One side is much better.  It is... better than nothing, and better than most beef cuts.  Though a good chuck is actually better, in my opinion (not as a steak though, but as a roast).  Still, won't kick it completely to the curb.  But... it's not the best.  Actually brisket (done correctly), new york strip, and a few odd cuts (skirt, and a few others) are actually better too.  Still, a large hunk of beef, with some good fat on it, did do well enough.

I am not sure about affordability, but... I think I will be checking my account.  If at all possible, this month or next, I am taking Sam in.  I... just... can't let her go on like this.  Since I won't put her down, I have to figure something else out.  She got so skinny so fast.  I... just have to do something for her.  Yea.  Maybe this month.  

What a crash!

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No call out, as I went to bed.  Just... stripping down, crawling in, and seeing just a touch of darkness before nil.  It was almost that sensation of falling.  I, for no good reason, was as exhausted if I had worked all day, hard. in the cold.  So very tired I wasn't sure I was going to be able to sleep.

Sleep I did.  And well.  I have been taking extra water pills lately, just... because.  Well, because I haven't been draining well.  There are several reasons for that, if not much I can do about those reasons currently.  I am drinking too much water, and sitting still for too long.

I drink too much because I am not focusing, or able to focus, on living.  I am simply living reactively.  In part because I am gaming extensively.  But, I am gaming so much because a) it is a new game, and has drawn me in... even if it has a lot of bugs (as seems the usual these days), b) if I weren't gaming I would be sleeping.  So, gaming is bringing everything I have out, if that isn't much.  So, much beyond gaming is terribly difficult.  Even doing chores is a bear.

Then again, as mentioned, without gaming, I would be sleeping eighteen to thirty six hour sessions, being awake from eight to twelve hours between those.  So, chores will suffer no matter what.  Even so, I will try to push chores, litter, cat feeding and watering, and even my own feeding.  It won't be pretty, but I... I will figure these things out and keep on them to the absolute best of my ability.

After this, I will set up my breakfast, hit the girls' litter boxes, which I have kept up so far, and just reset a bit yesterday, then make sure feed and waterers are ready to go, for in a bit.  Then, later, get out for a late second set of chores.  I really want the rabbits to be as healthy as possible, especially as I am trying to get them to have kits.  

They need feed and water.  Twice a day?  It couldn't hurt.  Well, watering twice a day is very good.  The waterers probably only stay usable for a few hours, at most.  So, yeah.  Plus, it helps me keep an eye on them.  Then again, they won't eat unless they have water, or mostly.  So I really need to keep water there for them to eat better.

The kits aren't due until, at the earliest, the 27th (or so, I have it on my phone).  But I officially start looking the 23rd, just in case they drop early.  Then I really want to be checking them at least twice a day, maybe three times a day, if I can.  And, to be ready with the kitting boxes.  If it works, this time, the young will stay with moms for a month, then go into the feeding out hutch.  

Oh, I best get hinges for the roof, cut the roof, and then put a couple of slats, to create a couple of different sized 'rooms'.  One would be a half and half spacer, the other will be a third and two third spacer.  I couldn't see needing a quarter, or several quarter spacers.  Then, I just have to measure a sheet of something to act as a divider, to slide down the slats.  Shouldn't be too difficult?

Well, on to breakfast.  Then some gaming.  I just got medicine, vitamins, minerals, and a few oddities in.  I take an odd cocktail of stuff these days, some of it, like the gallbladder formula, is temporary... as I changed to a higher protein diet, so want to ease things until my body gets used to that.  Some things, while new, are probably permanent, such as sea salt in with my electrolyte powder.  Seltzer water just sets it all in motion, making it easier to consume.  I really do like it, strange routine, but... a good one.  Probably.

Yea, on to getting breakfast stewing.  Then gaming.  Well, maybe a bb after I get a breakfast and litter going or reset.  Good evening, day, and morning.

Well, one more thing.

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I had to stretch to do it.  But I got chores this morning.  If I can't do anything else, I do try to do chores, and feed and tend the girls.  I can't always even do that as well as I should.  None have died.  Well, actually, two did.  One was from another rabbit, the other... I just don't know.

Anyway.  I had to push through.  As such, I couldn't just go to bed when finished.  Odd that way.  Have to extend myself beyond my real capacities, and then I have to come down from that.  A bit of gaming.  There was a place I was stuck in.  I didn't... want to leave it at the bottleneck.  That weighs on my sleeping mind, badly.

I will attempt to call my mother in a bit.  I called earlier, but realized it would be about her dinner time.  So I hung up.  I'll do that after getting tucked in and ready for sleep.  Good afternoon, day, and goodnight.

Tough time.

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Just staying awake is as much as I can do.  When I am awake...  sometimes I do well enough, staying awake twelve to more like sixteen, if sometimes twenty hours.  Then going down for six to twelve hours.  I would guess it is more often around sixteen up and eight down.  But... not guarantees, and it changes from day to day.  

Alarms, on the clock or phone, plans, else, don't matter.  Goals, else, just don't, can't, always happen.  I keep trying.  I keep putting things on the list.  I keep intentions real, hot, ready.  Even if it just isn't going to happen, or today.  Do I plan too much?  Probably.  But I have too much to do, to try to keep up on things.  One person simply can't do it all, in a household.  Just the house care, alone, is too much.  Though, that isn't it either.

Even if it were possible, I could not keep up.  My body is cold, even with the heat up.  I have begun eating, again, well, these last few days.  Cleaned me out, too, but just that first day.  I had hoped it would help me get going, it didn't.  I feel better.  I just can't get to it.

A bit of coffee, chores, and then bedtime.  Not much else I can do?  I'll... keep the intentions live, and list fresh, but more?  Later, or goodnight.

Awake, finally, again.

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I didn't go down until late.  Nearly 15:00?  A good thing, if I can slow the advance and keep it.  But, with the cold, and deep winter blues, I am not sure I have the ability, will, or strength to gain and maintain control.  Right now, I'm a row boat in the ocean, in a storm.  If I stay afloat, that is as good as it probably gets.

Breakfast is stewing.  Cat litter has been cleared.  I have been keeping up on that, in spite of not having a good memory of it.  Feeding the girls well, and rabbits too.  My last lot of water arrived today, I just brought that in.  As well as t.p.  I used to try to keep six months to a year supply of that latter on hand, but with what they are trying to do, I am trying to keep more.

The thing is, they are gambling, not just with stocks, bonds, precious metals, and else, they are now gambling with simple products, such at toilet paper.  My preferred brand and type, currently, is running at $60 for 12k sheets.  Far too much.  The choices, for the brand, besides, were running at $48 and $30 for similar or slightly greater amounts.  The other types are inferior, but I... can't spend $60 on t.p. per six months.  Won't.  Jerks.  But, it was time to set in more stores of those, before they disappeared entirely, as they had, or gone way up in price, which they also do... on every type.  It's all a gamble, at this point.  But I think they are losing.  People are stocking up so we can buy when they run out of breath.  They will break their companies doing this.

Same with water.  People are buying in bulk, when the price is reasonable, then not buying for long periods.  I have even gone without rather than pay even a 25% markup, or beyond a certain price point.  I just won't.  I have been paying too much, no more.  I'll figure something else out.  I did try generic, but there is something totally messed up about that.  No, I... will make it myself rather than go that way.  It isn't as good, but it will do.

I had thought it was around 20:00 when I woke.  But I haven't done that much, and it is is already 21:14 as I write.  So, if I did wake at 20:00, I moved very slowly getting up, mostly dressed, and going.  Could be, but probably an half hour later.  Odd how the mind, when waking, drifts, or thinks, or remembers.  Probably did wake at 20:00, but didn't get up for an half hour, then didn't check the clock at that point.

A shower, before long.  Then trash into the dumpster.  Plus, perhaps, a few more boxes.  Just from water and cat litter, this month, this week, I have quite a few boxes.  It's amazing how fast those can pile up.  They will be broken down and put out in the bottom, then have a trash bag on top.  As well, maybe through the night, I will get the boxes ready to go, upstairs, down and out.  That will open a nice space.

With a little bit of work, I can turn that space into an area to go through the rest of the boxes up there.  Someone... looked through some of what I was throwing away.  They found two papers I had done for vector calculus, in which I received A's.  They left them there, by the now empty dumpster.  Odd.  Unlike most, I did these things by hand.  I did them so well, some people thought my handwork was done in a program, then printed out, in old english or a similar font.  This wasn't my best work, that way, but it wasn't bad.

A shower, finally, tonight, it is hoped.  Trash and boxes out, boxes broken down.  Dishes started, blankets into the dryer... I forgot about them.  Yea.  Well, and maybe water bottles and mini litter pallets back... either in the back room, or where the chair which was removed used to be... near the litter boxes.  Yes, maybe.  I'll probably just finish the last of the two thick chops, along with a small can of sauerkraut?  Or brats with same?  I need to grocery shop, for fresh veggies.  But, also need pots and pans cleaned, so as to cook those.  Bleh.

I will try to get to things tonight.  And may.  Good evening, day, and night.  If not a goodnight, yet.  :p  Sleep well, I'll try to get to things.

I was thinking.

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Sam is in pretty bad shape.  Skinny beyond what seems possible.  I felt so bad, feel so bad.  I have tried medicines, extra foods, various things.  I gave her a bath the other day, with the help of a friend.  It was bad.  And her fur is so rough, that even clean it is... wrong.

I was thinking of putting her down.

She used to get up in a drawer, several levels off the floor.  She can no longer get to it.  So I opened a drawer lower to the ground.  And, I am feeding her milk more often.  Various things, I am trying what I can.  In spite of those things, I was still thinking about putting her down.

But, then, she started coming around a bit more often.  Being more active.  Taking the lead, when I would go somewhere.  She is in there.  She hasn't become feral, or odd, or else.  So... I... just can't do it.  I will just have to wait.  Her time will come.  I will do whatever I can for her.

Just, with her being so aware, and present, and doing her part to try, I... just won't steal her life.  If she just piled up, and stopped moving, but wouldn't die?  I might take care of it for her.  But, as is, I just won't, can't.  The difficulty isn't just mine, or hers.  It's ours.  And, we will go forward in it.  It's a tough row, life, and death.  More so for those of us right on that edge.

I'll do my best for her.  Rough, but as long as she stays her, and tries, I'll... suffer with her.  Damned tough thing.

Up!

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I planned to get the dumpster moved first thing.  As I was waking, I looked out my window.  About jumped.  It... looked like it was where I had planned to put it.  But it was dark, and I was just waking, so... who knows.  After getting a bit more dressed, and down... didn't want to dress officially, as a shower is in the immediate offing, but I need to have something on for chores and a few other out-of-house potential things... I checked.

Well, and water has been delivered, half of it.  I go through three or four cases of water a month, and like to have two months supply, at least.  It's an expense, but cuts lots of other things out.  I eat less and drink less of other things, like tea and coffee.  An expense, but a lessor one, with some real added values to the cost.  And, it's what I can drink, not what I want to drink.  If I could choke down enough tap, I would.  It just doesn't cut it.  Anyway, I got that in.  More coming tomorrow.  I usually order four of a kind, at a time.  Grapefruit was less expensive, thankfully, this month.  I really am beginning to love that flavor.  Mostly.  As with real grapefruit, it is a bittersweet love thing.

Then I checked.  Yep, it was out, in place.  I texted and thanked the one who did it.  Asked if it was as difficult as it seemed it might be.  No, he said.  Just that initial shove, then the thing rolled right into place.  Good to know.  I only didn't try it this morning because I wasn't sure if I'd want to get out tonight.  Or even darning the day.  While it didn't happen, I didn't want to close off options.  

Well, and I thought I'd be awake earlier.  Foolish thinking, since I didn't go to be until noon.  Even being up at 19:30 is pushing it, and just an oddity.  Only up because, I think, somewhere deep inside, I wanted to be up to try moving the dumpster earlier, so if I couldn't, I could call before it got too late.  So... yeah.  The odd life of a broken Doom.

I did get two more blankets washing.  I won't do the nice wool one until it begins warming, and maybe not then.  It may just be hung out for a day, to air out, then folded and put in an airtight bag.  I ought to get thin oak planks to fold in and around it.  It is a really nice one, spent a pretty coin.  And it was worth every penny.  I have two nice ones.  Heirloom.  Most people don't even care, these days.  And, to a degree, I understand.  Then again, most people can't afford even the better acrylic and polycotton.  Yea.

Sometime, after I wake, watering the critters, a shower, maybe a shave, dishes and washing their drying area...  A start, again, to life and trying to get back to things.  Oh, and medicine.  I have been on the stuff, pretty well, for nearly a month again?  A few weeks for certain.  Two, actually, come to think of it, and a few days.  I had it reset for nearly a month?  Twenty one, plus... four or five days?  Yep.  I thought I had missed a few doses, but that was confusion not missing?  Maybe one miss.  Yes, and I let that go, early in.  I best get another one reset, two if I have the medicine for it, and reorder.  Should be low.  Definitely low on insulin.  Ugh.

Yes.  I think I'll get to some things tonight.  Good evening and day.

Chores, again, early.

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The rabbits were absolutely ecstatic.  Two mornings in a row.  And afternoons too?  Well, yes.  More, their waterers seem to be lasting, in spite of the cold.  For they are drinking very well, and eating too.  That makes me quite pleased.  I like when I am sure they are getting enough.  Especially with two potential mommas among them, so far.  I'd like to get a couple of others, smaller does, breed.  But I only have one small buck, and my sleep schedule is off.  Still, I'll... try.  Perhaps this evening.  If I can get chores well before dark.  I like to give them an hour after eating before putting them in together to do their thing... then give them an hour.  Then let them together again eight to twelve hours later.  Just that extra extra.

The girls were fed, and their water refreshed.  I am probably going to feed them one more time yet today.  With Sam being so thin, I try to get her as much as possible.  I really don't think she can possibly make it much longer.  But I'll keep feeding her as well as I can, as much as possible.  And, milk too.  It's something, more than water certainly.

Still didn't get a shower.  Will... soon.  So tired.  Then again, with diarrhea, a shower wasn't really in the cards.  That seems to have cleared up.  Hopefully today.  The shower is open.  I didn't put the dishes in, either for rinsing or washing.  I did trim my whiskers, before my system went off kilter.  Well, I'll get their litter, and probably just give Sam milk.  Then on to bed.  Good morning, day, and goodnight. 

A bit rough.

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I really hadn't been eating pretty much anything but chia, fatted coffees, and water.  Lots and lots of water.  You would think that would both keep me cleaned out and help me lose weight?  Well, no.  Actually, it, for whatever reason, just caused me to store water like crazy.  No, I haven't been checking bp.  I have been taking medicine, very well.  I wanted to give it some time, before checking again, and just... lost track.  I'll... start that again soon.

Anyway.  A few brats, a larger pork chop, and sauerkraut led to pretty awful diarrhea.  Just liquid drainage.  Lots of it.  Initially, for the first hour after eating solids for the first time in days, I couldn't stay out of the bathroom for more than fifteen minutes at a time.  Since, the time out has been expanding.  I am almost secure in sitting and resting a bit.  But I can absolutely not trust "gas".  It... ain't going to be gas.  Or, not just.

Why so difficult I can't say.  However, it has interfered with doing too much more.  I don't know about you, but when that sort of thing is happening, I... wash my hands constantly, and don't want to touch anything... like dishes, laundry, or anything I want clean.  I don't even pet the girls when like this.  So... That is that.  I even stopped doing waterers.  But most were done.  I had been on a good trajectory until I hit the speedbump.

I'll get chores done, shortly after done.  Then go on to bed.  And, to be honest, I think I'll take the bedpan on up with.  I have bags for that, so washing isn't quite an actually washing... or not until I finish with it totally.  It isn't that I fear not waking up, it's that I fear not being able to hold it.  Liquid.  Terrifying stuff.  A bedpan works, probably.  Still, would try to make it down, just not sure that is absolutely possible.

Then new game is okay.  Bugs, there are bugs.  No game-breaking bugs, that I have found, so far.  But some where I don't know about quests, because the quest giver, or tweener npc, doesn't speak and even the captions just, sometimes, blink.  I don't hear or see the conversations.  At least I can ask things, and otherwise reply, so I can continue through the section.

It seems a bit clumsy, but that may be just the low level blues.  So I won't discount that yet.  But it is full of political correctness and else.  Yea.  Expect tons of that.  I am hoping it isn't as bad as the worst of them, but it probably will end up with lots of problems.  Must be written by Indians, women, and muslims, these days.  They let the hero be a mostly white guy, but... that's just a joke too.  Really.  Just the way it goes these days... for now.  If it goes all that way?  They won't be able to sustain civilization at this level.  If it reverts, this will mostly just go away.  It has to be one or the other.

On to a bit more gaming.  Then chores and bedtime.  I am hoping to get more done today.  I'm still not quite sure why food did that, to that degree.  No, the meat was freshly thawed.  I think it was just a bit rich.  Later.

Waterers and dinner.

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All waterers have been refilled.  And, the ones outdoors were brought in.  They were frozen, so it didn't matter.  Plus, I shut the lantern down, and lights off out back.  It looks like they drank well, for as long as they could.  They might even be thawed by morning.  I have enough, now, for six full waterings.  Which, if they used all the water in the waterers, would be three days at twice per day.  But, since they only drink about a quarter, if they are only three quarters full and I dump and redo at a quarter full, that gives me about six days of watering with a full load.  In the summer I have to refill them every day to every other day, depending on the heat.  Which, actually, is less than I do in the winter?  Odd, but true.  When they have plenty of water, and at any time, they drink less.  Even rabbits have psychological issues!

And, dinner.  Thick cut pork chops and bratwursts.  Those and sauerkraut.  I was curious if chops would go as well with sauerkraut as brats do.  I was almost sure.  Almost.  Now I know.  To my tastes, they do.  Well, not quite as good?  But not bad, and a solid positive.

Plus, having real meat, and not just fatted coffees and chia breakfasts, for the first time in a while, really helped... me go.  I was right.  Eat all the fiber you want.  But without something more substantial, you just get clogged up.  There has to be some sort of balance.  I feel much better.  

I am trying to feed the girls more, after washing Sam.  She, the poor thing, probably doesn't weigh three or four pounds.  Still, I am feeding her as well as possible.  It really isn't worms.  I dosed her with everything and the kitchen sink, to absolutely no avail.  And, she handled those well.  But nothing changes.  She simply cannot digest food well.  She just wants the gravy, it's all she can take.  If we can make it to summer, she might have a year or two.  I just don't know if she can make it.  I'm trying to give her as much attention, without crying when doing so, as possible.  Hospice is harsh work, even for pets.  She knows, I knows, Sassy knows.  But, we... don't let it get us down.  I want her to die loved and beloved, not abandoned.

Next?  I am thinking a shower before too long.  I want to warm and rest after running around in the cold to get the waterers in.  Then a whisker trim and shower.  A bit more gaming after that, then to cleaning the freezer top and setting up dishes again.  I think two loads set to wash, the one that was left to rinse, dried out, then set aside, back to a rinse or two.  Then, hopefully, finish those... at least to get them out drying.  And, maybe, start another two loads for tomorrow.

As well, perhaps I could get the bird feed into the dumpster.  If I can get it to fit.  They will be picking the dumpster up Wednesday, but I don't know when.  I'll just not plan to go anywhere that day.  I will try to get the dumpster moved, for ease of their operation, myself, sometime in the day.  If I can do it solo, I'll call in for help.

Yea, a few things.  But, too, if not tonight, I'd like to start sorting things.  In the living room and this room.  Going through boxes and stacks of items, putting them in keeper and tosser boxes, and figuring out where to put each... for the moment.  I am getting excited.  Things have already started happening, even if not everything hoped.  A real beginning to a possible change in the world.  My world.

As well, I realized that... the money I will be paying extra, for mortgage, is what I had planned to be saving.  And, the hundred I had been going to put on mortgage, extra, I can put into savings instead.  It isn't perfect.  It means I won't be able to pay down on the house as fast as hoped.  But, to have it all done, pretty much at once, and still have some savings and that be ongoing?  Not bad.

To be honest, what would really boost the value of the house would be new siding of some sort.  It wouldn't be whole house, just the front and back portions, Which are single story parts.  Not sure the cash out would cover that.  But, if I keep some savings, and add to it, it might be something possible in a year or two.  Of course, with else done, and that, it would be tough to give the house up.  

The only thing, further, would be to sort out the walls in the kitchen.  Mostly, they cemented/plastered the outside wall of the original stone house, which became an inside wall to an addition.  And, then, wallpapered.  Ugh.  I... suppose it is what they had, and what was reasonable at the time.  I am guessing steel or aluminum I-spacers/beams... to hold drywall or something like it, is what is needed.

It isn't terribly hard, but it is exacting, and actually is rather difficult manual labor.  Yea, it is.  But, for a short run, it wouldn't be too bad.  The bigger problem is the expense.  Mostly?  I suppose, while getting quotes for other things, if that cash-out moves forward, I could get some quotes on that, too.  Who knows, it might not, for just one wall in there, be as bad as it seems from this side of the project?  A couple grand might... be doable.  Five grand would be a bit out of range, at least to have done.  Could start buying components for it, over time.

Oh, it's cold out there.  Grilled the meats.  It was 14 F, and dropping I think.  Sometimes that is cold, sometimes it is alright, sometimes it is bitter.  I'd say it was closer to bitter cold than even just cold tonight.  Still, I was hungry, needed meat, and got it!  And sauerkraut.  It was worth the cold.

Later.

Second chores.

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The rabbits were very happy to see me this morning.  This evening they were ecstatic.  I figured a bit more light for the nearer cages, and found a battery powered lantern for the outbuilding.  I used it the other day.  I thought it would eat the batteries, between the long time it was on and the cold.  Nope.  So, I... am using that for them out there again.  Just so they can find the waterers.  Maybe they will drink more.

Though, the waterers were not frozen solid.  I'll bet the nipples were frozen though.  Even so, that means that had water for more of the day, throughout the day.  All good.  Now they will get a sip before bedtime.  I'll try to keep that up.

One of the buckets kept going dry.  I was wondering if Sam was getting up on the waterers, and drinking from down within.  She prefers the outside water, and thinks that is what is in the buckets?  I have caught her, before.  But, not, I finally realized there is no way she could get down in there that far.  How could there be a hole in it though?  Someone had to puncture it.  It is one of those thick plastic ones.  I could see it freezing, and breaking.  But that would be obvious.  A small hole just wouldn't happen in these.  And, they were never left out to freeze in such a way that they would break.  I'll bet I find a pellet hole in it?  I'll look when I am doing the last of the waterers.

I'll get the grill going in a bit.  Chops, pork chops, thick cut this time.  To be honest, thin cut chops are better.  Next time I will seek those out.  They cook faster, they cook better, the flats crisp a bit.  Sure, I have to cook three for every thick chop, but... I'm good with that.  For one person, there is plenty of room on the grill.  Well, assuming the chops are thawed.  I set things out last night, but when I checked a bit ago, they weren't thawed.  Probably still aren't.  Fu..!

What tonight?  Ah, with the freezer cleared, it just needs cleaned.  Then dishes, a shower, trimming whiskers... probably not a shave.  I only have just so much for personal per day.  And a trim and shower will be it.  Thankfully I don't have to shave my legs.  That has to be a major time sink.

Beside dishes?  Beginning to sort through boxes, here and there.  Perhaps bringing some down from upstairs, which have already been sorted.  Get a near load ready to go.  For the next dumpster drop... next week.  Having the pickups a week apart is a bit of a pain, but it might work out in that it offers a steady rhythm I should be able to manage, and limits the costs.  More on rent, but then I don't try to break myself getting it full and emptied.  I think this works best.

Yes, it begins.  Plus, the more I do, and can do, the less I have to pay to have done.  Between this and that, I have a new game.  Oh, I know.  Gaming can eat me alive.  The thing with gaming, if you can gain control, is to take breaks.  It is on breaks, often, when something that is beating you over the head might make sense, or you think of another way, path, or method... or three.  So, taking time off play to work is as good as the obverse.  Reverse?  Both?  Shut it.  :)

But, I would like food.  If the chops are frozen, I'll have to figure something else out.  Beside not having enough fat, I am not getting enough simple volume.  Fiber helps, but not if it is the majority of what you are eating.  Fiber only helps if the bulk of your food, no pun intended, is not fiber.  Fiber needs to act on something.  My guts, anyway, need to be chewing on something to then bother with fiber.  I've... noticed.  Lately, simply not enough real food.  Hmm... I have bratwursts thawing.  If they aren't quite ready, I could put them in a dishpan of very hot water and give them an hour.  That works.  I need food!

I'll probably, later, get out and turn off the lantern and pull waterers.  Say in two hours?  Then have everything reset for tomorrow.  Just... to be ahead for once in some time.  It's been tough lately.  The cold, dark, and else.  But it is starting to brighten, earlier, longer, better, warmer.  And some other hopes are becoming potentials.  Carpe Sulum Diem.  Sulum, I tell you.  Amen.  And, later.

Up, and at it.

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Pretty rough looking, but...

When I woke, I texted.  He had been by and hour ago.  I asked if he would visit again.  And he did.  He just didn't let me know.  Which... is fine.  I don't need to know what I will shortly find out.  Though, that is why I left the front door unlocked.

A bit of a discussion, or what I want, and plan on, doing.  Of course, there is always way more to do than even a decent coin will stretch.  A modern safe electrical panel, with a possible upgrade to the delivery.  I'd like 440, and have the panel cut it down, so I can have a couple of 220/240/260's in the garage.  Whichever are used for bigger equipment, such as welders and even my air compressor which can be wired for 240, I think.  Anyway.

so, electrical first.  Perhaps set up a bigger subpanel in the garage, but we could wire that... just have it inspected.  Then central air and a new furnace.  Redoing the en suite bathroom, if mostly all I need is flooring, possibly a water heater, and fabricating floating shelves strong enough to hold at least one sink, maybe two.  The floor in the kitchen and hallways.  A sprinkler system for the lawn.  And, finally, a dishwasher, installed.  That last, alone, will solve half my problems.  Dishes bottleneck me every few days or weeks.

I would also like to install an inside water shutoff valve.  Two, actually.  And a water silt filtration system, with several levels of fineness.  If possible, then, have gas run to the kitchen, maybe the back bathroom... front bathroom... depending on how you look at it.  Maybe.  Depends on if gas water heaters are better, might be able to be fit somewhere more out of the way (under the floor, in the attic).  Ugh.

As mentioned, more jobs than money.  But, the trick is to keep a savings, keep adding to it, taking out for yearly maintenance and upgrades.  If the house ends up nice enough, I may not want to leave.  Well, and there are little things that can come out of monthly pocket money, like door seals, window sealing, even a new door over a couple of months.  Bit and part and pieces at a time, but that would be over time.  A house can eat you alive though.

Still, the gent I asked to work?  Has a boss who put his house up for sale recently.  It was worth $350k, but got valued at $500k.  Then... sold for $900k plus.  So... it's... a crazy world out there.  Almost terrifying.  Then again, nothing is certain yet.  I'm not counting the chickens yet.  Even should they hatch well, they still have to make it to butchering time, or laying size... then produce.  Lots of opportunities for the wrong things to happen.  Still... if I see an opportunity for the good, I will take it.

Waterers are redone.  I'll get them out shortly.  The girls were fed, not sure if I did litter, but I think so.  Oh, and while he was here, I had him help me wash Sam.  She... poor thing... tried to fight.  Not much fight in her.  But, clean.  She is clean.  I feel so much better, and she smells so much better.  I hope it doesn't kill her.  I think she tried not to fight, because she knew she needed cleaned.  Part of it was having so little strength.  Ugh, I feel so bad for her.  But clean, at least she is clean.

Pork chops for dinner?  Chia first, shortly.  Something.  And, on the good side?  I hadn't missed medicine.  I... when splitting days, just get confused.  When I wake up Sunday, but it's Monday later on, I thought I missed, so rushed into Monday.  I finished Monday medicine, but... it's... still Monday!  The one dose I missed was Sunday night, but I already took Monday night, sort of on Sunday night, so I'll just take Sunday on Monday night and... it's all good.  *sigh*  So confused...  Later.

Chores, cats, and litter.

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That is probably going to be it.  I want to shower, I want to do several other things.  If I don't drag my carcass to bed, I may end up not sleeping for a long time, and being messed up for it.  So, yea.  On to bed.  Sleep should be good though.  I did get some things tended through the night and this morning.  If nothing else, doing a bit of work throughout my wake cycle allows my conscience some breathing room to sleep better.

I didn't see the temp, but it seems... nicer... than it has been.  I would guess in the 20's, maybe up to right at 30?  And, it looks like it could be a nicer day all around.  Will have to see when I wake.  I would also really like to do waterers, as those are already low.  How do I go through them so fast!  Anyway.  But I can't.

I hope to be talking about getting help with clearing and cleaning the place tonight.  Even if it is part time, which is mostly likely needed to be the case anyway.  Not just for finances, but his scheduled work elsewhere.  And, yet, three to five hours a day, three to five days a week, would add to a decent extra income, without the stress of overworking.  Low wages, but the possibility of a decent bonus if things work out and I get a good valuation.  It means he has skin in the game.  Bonus would be based on value.  A full higher end would bring in, say, thirty five percent bonus.  Though time to completion would also be a factor.  Done in a month?  At top valuation?  Fifty percent bonus.  Skin in the game is motivation.  We'll see.  Perhaps he has no interest.

Anyway.  Was very glad to get the rabbits fed and watered right around dawn.  They were extremely happy to see me too.  Now to make it a much more regular thing.  Oh, and it will be time to set one of the other does up, see if I can't have several batches going.  I'm really hankering to have some kits.  Not just for the stew pot, just because.  Too many failures this way.  I want to get them going before they can't!  Ugh.  Goodnight.

Just hitting dawn.

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Time to try to break through and do chores.  I won't sleep until those are done.  As well, I will get litter and the girls fed.  I may refresh their water as well.  I can't see out to tell if the weather is clear, but it roughly seems like it.  Won't matter.  Seems cool, cold really.  Fine, whatever the case, I have some things to do.

What, exactly, is wrong, I can't say.  Just winter, most likely.  I missed a dose of medicine, will try to get that in.  Though, if not, I have been doing pretty well, I am not going to kill myself over a single missed dose.  If I will try to make sure I doesn't happen again soon.

Oh, and I finally broke through, did just a bit of work, and got into the freezer last night.  In doing so, I pulled meat to thaw.  Beyond that, though I didn't get to it yet, now cleaning off the freezer top should be easy, so as to begin on dishes again.  It would be good to get a load or three kicked out today... well... tomorrow today.  When I wake up, that shift.  This shift is nearly over.

First litter, then rabbits, then feeding and watering the girls.  Then to bed?  If I can squeeze a shower in, that would be better.  A shower before chores?  I'd really like that.  I need a shower.  I'd have to wait a bit, so my hair would dry.  I hate going out with wet hair, when it is 6 to 14 degrees or so F.  Freezing and thawing makes my hair greasy, somehow.

Anyway... I have a few things to do.  Then on to bed.  Good morning, good day, and goodnight.

Chores, first thing.

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Days and nights are off.  So... I want to get food and water out to them as early as possible, when there is still light.  I was awake at daybreak, but so absolutely shot that getting feed and water out was impossible.  The goal, is, to, again, get them in the morning and evening.  I'll just keep trying.

They did eat well, if only some of them needed more food.  They had fasted for a day, but that isn't a bad thing, human or animal, on occasion, so I don't mind that.  Water, though, I don't want them to be without water.  That isn't cool to go without, even for a day.  If I had it in me, I would water them three times a day.

Then litter, and on to feeding the girls.  Sam can't eat the bits and parts, pretty much just taking in the gravy and water.  But I remembered how much she loved milk.  And, while milk doesn't offer much, nutritionally, for her.  It offers more than water.  And she is so skinny.  At this point, I am willing to feed her just about anything that might add something to her bones.  So, milk.  But I can't do more than a bowl every other day or so.  Still, it's something.

A few last things ordered.  Household items.  All I have left, other than bills which are on autopay, are groceries and possible gas for the tank.  Maybe a few pickups, of the dumpster.  Well, and milk/dairy bill.  But I have that, I just need to give that over.  I'll be low, but should make it just fine.  I had a few extra expenses, from last month, which carry over.  Ugh.  Works that way sometimes.  Trying to be careful but life is messy.

I think I have sorted out my problem lately.  I am not eating enough meat.  I can't seem to keep up on it.  Neither can I shop to have enough in supply, cook it, or even eat it often enough, even if I have it.  But, too, fats were going down.  I was, am, eating more protein than fats, than before.  But it's not just ratios, it is volume I am down on.  And that is what is causing some problems.  Two chia breakfasts a day is too much, but I can't seem to clear up the rest of the place and get the world working rightly enough to eat well.

Too tired, too cold, too many things on my mind, medicine keeps slipping.  Ugh.  I'll... try to get back on things, but... it...  I'll just do my best.  Anyway.  At least I hit chores right away.  And I'll make sure I have waterers and food ready for morning, and try to hit them again, right then.  Plus have enough ready for the evening, when I wake again.  Bleh.  On the good side, I can remove the afternoon chores reminder.  It's going off while I am asleep anyway, so I don't hear it.  Sure, I let it ring through... the don't disturb thing.  But it won't wake the phone, to ring through, and I won't change that.

Well...  Still...  I'll keep at it.  Ah, but I did call my mom before going on to sleep.  I told her about the house, and... even the consideration of moving to Ecuador, or the Philippines.  She was not happy, about the moves anyway.  What if I die?  I... did have to chuckle.  I told her I would fly in, take a day.  She said, but you don't fly.  To which, I agreed.  

Then I said, what if you died now?  It would take me a while to get home.  Finally, I said, I would be able to actually visit every or every other year.  Sure, a ship boarding, then car rental, it would be difficult, but doable.  I would be freer, financially, to do so.  As is, I am just barely keeping afloat.  Then again, I said, the possibility might not ever come to fruition.  What a house is worth, said to be worth, and what someone would pay for it, are all... very odd variables.  

Even so, getting her fixed up would be very good.  I want to get her clear and clean before starting with quotes for things.  But, then, begin with an electrician for the main panel and possible subpanels.  Just get them lined up, and run the wire myself?  Maybe.  As well, a new heater and ac.  The en suite, including maybe getting a water heater out of the main area... since it is so small.  Maybe in the attic or floor area underneath, and gas rather than electric?  I want gas run to the kitchen and near the electric panel, anyway, for a gas stove and gas emergency generator.  I really hate having to depend on electricity for cooking and heating, when I have natural gas to the house.  Both is fine.  

Oh, and one item I would definitely buy and install with this is a dishwashing machine.  That is my absolute worst problem.  It backs up cooking, showering, everything.  Well, that and a filtration system for water.  Sand and grit, get a lot of it.  Which is why, again, the kitchen sink isn't useful for dishes, again.  Takes forever to fill the sink!  Ugh.  Having a guaranteed faucet, which runs, fast, and hot, to clear off the dishes.  Then a device to wash them?  Heaven.  Especially for some of the bigger items?  Well, for any items.  I will have to give a lot on actually having clean dishes, thank you government, but... it would beat what I have to contend with at this point.

Oh, and a quote for a new kitchen floor.  I would like a cushioned floor, comfortable.  But not sure that would be anywhere in the range I am considering.  I also don't want the cheapest tackiest stuff they can lightly cover the floor with.  I'd like something reasonable, long lasting, and plain is better than tacky, if something handsome would be preferred if affordable.  Hmm, then again, some of those fake flooring tiles, woodlike in appearance, slightly cushioned, waterproof?  You know... that... might work really well, the right ones.

Anyway...  Dreaming.  May never happen, any of it.  But... it's... wonderful to dream a little dream.  Who knows, if I turn it into a birdhouse, I might find a little bird to go in it.  Who... knows...  

Can't quite get going.

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Gaming.  It is something.  It would either be that or sleeping.  Can't seem to do much more.  Though, the dumpster is ready to go.  I may add the bird feed, since no one wanted it.  It seems a waste, but what else to do with it?  I'm not sure there is room, but should be able to find out between now and then.

Beyond that, I have boxes ready to go.  Not nearly enough to refill it, but I bet I could fill it to between a quarter an half, right after it is emptied, slowly filling the rest until it is time, again, in a week.  If I could do that one or two more times?  I really might be pretty much done by the end of the month.

Hmm, there are only three more Tuesdays in the month.  Not sure how many loads I can get out.  Though, if I can figure out how to put a mattress in, that would be a quarter load on it's own.  Can't get the box springs in, though.  ???  I'll have to see about that.  I am keeping the base.  I may even add boards, and turn it into a raised floor type sleeping platform?  It would give me a little more room to get up in the mornings, without going back to an actual bed... say some two by fours, then a part of a eight by four foot... what do they call those?  use it for a platform.  I don't know, just thinking.

I will begin going through what I haven't tossed yet.  Some things will go.  Some will stay.  I'll try to organize as I go.  Then, maybe in a year or six months, go through it again?  Yeah, probably.  It'll be easier each time.  The thing is, if it is good stuff, I might well like to get it to someone who would use it.  Is leather repair, tarp repair, kits, worth keeping?  I supposed, depending on quality?  But, would I ever use either?  Things to consider.

Funny, I with the dumpster, I don't have to worry about getting trash out!  I kept thinking about that, this week and weekend.  Because I always have trouble getting trash out.  I often forget.  Or, if I don't forget I... just can't do it.  Life can be difficult and confusing for me.  Too tired, confused, unable to do.  But... I still think about these things.  I still try.  Sometimes I am successful.

I keep thinking about life in a place like Ecuador or the Philippines.  Housekeeping is as little as $6 a visit.  And, if I keep nothing of value, what would I care about theft.  I would probably keep my reefer and freezer locked.  But, other than that, I really wouldn't care.  I am having much stolen as is.  Actually, getting rid of things may eventually limit that.  Nah, they will always see or want or "need" something I keep on hand.  From cat food, to disposable plates, to soap, to even clothes.  That is just how it goes where I live, and in my condition.

I saw, where I had read an article about a woman who had died, and people had broken in.  I posted, with a link to the story.  Pretty much cleaned her place out.  Never called anyone, just stole everything.  Some longer time later they found her, nearly mundified.  She had everything on autopay.  She was a humble old woman, didn't even have much.  It is heartbreaking how people are.  And, yes, if you are ill, weak, old, poor, you are a prime target.  It's just the way of it.  Who would have thought I might, if not careful, end up in a similar situation.  The world has gone down, or America, more to say, has become more like the rest of the world.  Doesn't matter where you live.  Drugs, death of the family, poverty, hunger, reduction of many churches to mere tribal affairs.  Yea.

Of course, lets say I could get... being generous, three and an half debt.  Walking with two and an half, a nice piece of change.  Plus my income.  And, went somewhere.  Initially renting, though with the thoughts to buying.  Careful though, they can and often do strip foreigners of assets, or even their own.  It... just happens down there, from time to time.

But, lets say I do and it all works.  Even then, I would have extra.  To bank it is to lose it.  They are eating monetary value through inflation at a pace which should horrify.  But, stocks and bonds are dangerous too.  They are games the ultra rich play.  You... can't win that.  They will buy and sell your puny puts like they would their own parents, after advising them to go long on what they are shorting in such a way to guarantee the longs go bust.  Check.  And, investment advisers?  Who do you think they work for?  You?  *sigh*

The idea would be to invest in something, but... if it's real... like a bar or restaurant or small business, it depends on things that are well out of our hands.  Look what they did to small businesses worldwide, with the so-called pandemic.  What, in many places, they are still doing to them?  And they are busy malinvesting, at this point, your tax money into businesses which have no reason to still be in business!

Cruise lines, which aren't even based in America, are getting huge money from the government, and only allowing the vaxxed, and still getting shut down... worse than before they had a vax.  Airlines?  Let them close, dry up, go out, and turn over.  It's the only way.  But, no, they are spending your tax money keeping things open that, really, aren't and shouldn't be, open.  While killing the small business.  So, yea... having a ton of cash, even if this or some other nation doesn't just take it, is just as risky investing as holding and letting it disappear through inflation?  It's a nasty world, at this point.  Our governments are working against us in every way.  There isn't a difference between first and third world, at this point, because law doesn't exist.

Just... saying.  Still... there are some slim, if ugly, sloppy, mean, options.