Five thirty or so.

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A bit of time waking.  Sorting thoughts.  No work was done, just... keeping the list as it was.  Muscles burn.  Ache.  Joints, ligaments, else stretched.  I... worked hard, there for a while.  Knew I would need some downtime.  Getting it.  Still, trying to do... at least little things.  Will do what is possible, possibly a bit more.  Won't push and shove and sprint for a finish line that... keeps moving anyway.

A few new, a few old, tunes.  Yes.  She knows who she is.

The patterns.

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It isn't all about me.  Had to ponder this one.  I figured it was to be about me.  In a way, it is.  In a way, it isn't.  The women I have known.  The youngest of them?  Has aged out of viability.  The oldest, last I knew, was still alive.  Women really don't age well, at all.  They start out as on top of the world as they can get.  Men start out as dogs, and generally get better.  Even if terminally ill, if unable to die.

Oh, yes.  Was someone saying something with this?  Is one of them dead, or dying?  I don't know.  Or... is it just a thought, from out there?  I can't say.  Just that it caught me off, I looked, and I saw.

Not everything.

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Won't get to everything.  The dryer was set for a final spin.  What of the dishes I could fit in the dishwasher were put in.  Might have to hand redo some?  Will have to see about that.  The cookie sheets are pretty big, and were pretty rough.  If nothing else, it'll give it a better go than it's had, and extra.  If I am awake when it finishes, I'll put what else will go in for another run.

As well, I put two of the clothing racks together.  The first one took just a bit, to figure out.  The second one took seeming seconds.  I am supposed to have another around, but it may have been stolen.  Not seeing it anywhere.  And it's not like a cellphone.  The box is as tall as I am, a foot and a bit wide, and four inches thick.  Still, maybe it is somewhere, yet.  Not terribly worried exactly yet, either way.  The room I have for those is taken with the two up.  Still... I want to find the other.

Rough?

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Slight aches and pains.  Lost control of sleep.  Can't eat much.  But, I suppose, not truly rough.  Just... not in control, not moving forward, not getting things done, and not able to switch gears, rock it back and forth from drive to reverse to escape the ruts, stuck.  Not a bad place to be, just... the doldrums.

When it gets like this, I just have to wait it out.  Coffee, fatted coffee, shortly.  It isn't helping, but it does add calories, and calories of a sort I can use, handle to take in.  The caffeine, at this point in my health or wellness cycle, might as well be water.  Still, I'll... take it.

Absolutely crashing.

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Cool?  Not really.  It is, or was, at least 47 out there.  Warm, if it doesn't feel it.  Dark, most of the day.  There was sunlight, from time to time.  But, mostly, it was cloudy out there.  That is part of it.

Dishes were put up.  Clean as a whistle, even the glass.  Very nice.  Which means I may attempt to restart with kefir.  I need something else to eat, and kefir is an excellent food.  It's just... it takes three quart jars and three half gallon jars, and frequent changes (say monthly), of some or all of those.

Someone seems to... see... remember.

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It was definitely her.  The first one I saw from over there.  She terrified me so deeply I forgot her.  I was busy dying myself, as well.  So, it was more complicated than... just that.  Death frightened me, not just hers, mine too.  Plus... all else involved.  I ran from her, and her memory, as far as I could.  It... wasn't far enough.

Yes, someone knows what I discus.  Did they know she was the first?

Women haunting my thoughts.

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They... like to do that.  Turn around, fair play?  Or... something.

Good, bad, plus sweet, sour, salty, savory, and umami?  Those are my terms.

Sorting out life.

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Attempting to make sure an appointment is covered.  It seems like this one is set up.  Others I have to figure out.  Ugh.

I keep being surprised at what is happening regarding the government.  I really didn't think much would be done.  More just another kick of the can down the road.  With repatriations not just going forward, but nations breaking under the weight of demands... even to offering planes to help with repatriation after getting really smarmy.

Dreams, thoughts.

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I still remember this.  Never watched the movie.  Didn't need to?  Or... did I?

Does it matter?

Nobody there?

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Maybe, but I saw a pattern.  And liked it.

I've heard these things before.  Mixed messages, much?

Well, maybe?

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It sure looks like someone is saying something.  Using my words, as I use the arts of others?  Three posts, which seem to... intimate a suggestion I have posed?

Awake!

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For a while now, almost an hour?  Or so.  I was awake at 21:30, then fell back into the bedroll.  Snuggled with my dreams.  Sadly, no women in them, just warm sleep... like being in a heated cloud comforter.  Good dreams, those.  Finally made it out about an hour later.  And, warm.  I love dreaming of being in a warm wrap, like a big fluffy cotton candy thing, with warmth, and able to breath easily too.

Warm, when I woke.  Still warm now?  Strange.  I haven't turned the furnace up.  It is set to 66.  But, yes, strangely, I am quite warm.  I may not turn the furnace up, being this comfortable.

Why the feminine.

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I have been being plagued by the feminine.  Oh, not a terrible thing, really.  I've certainly been plagued by more terrible things.  Still, I had to ask myself why.  I have been considering the problem for a while now.

No, witches have no power here.  Save any allowances I might grant.  Granted as sisters, mothers, daughters, not as dark practitioners.  I can shut down darkness easily, and do.  I think even they know it.  Not a grace, the price of... being... a certain sort.

Almost to midnight.

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I made it into the afternoon... 14:00, 14:30?  Not 15:00, beyond 13:30 certainly.  If, as mentioned, I was technically already asleep.  Still, only eight hoursish down.  Annoying, but at least the downtime is shifting, if I can't sleep more.  I'd really like ten to twelve hours of sleep a few days in a row.  That would be nice.  I feel the need, just don't have the means.

A vid keeps popping.  She knows, some things.  We... have had moments, where we feared and were disgusted with each other.  We have considered hating each other.  But, while we have... reasons for some of those ideas, they aren't truths.  Moments, gaining understandings... about ourselves, and each other.  Cow*!  Pig!  Accidents happen?

To understand.

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A dream.  Oh, I... know.  At once, I thought He did as He did to spare life.

It wasn't true.  He was sparing souls.  Many.  The life was just an extra.  Maybe even the point of salvation.  But it... wasn't the goal, just the means?

Sleep is sliding.

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Every day, lately, sleep has been sliding a few to several hours.  Up at 18:00?  Give or take a half hour.  Down around eight?  Noon?  I just can be sure.  I just know that... waking at 18:00ish is opposed to waking around six a week or two ago?  Time is sliding.  I have no idea when or what... was happening... for some time now.  I'm lost in sleep, partial wakefulness, the dark, and cold.

I keep trying to play the game, but have no ability to focus well enough to play.  I would guess I have played less than two hours in the last two weeks.  And... I want to play, I just don't have a way to get to it.  I haven't been cooking, much.  Or eating.  Mostly drinking water.  I am back to medicine.

A better morning.

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Up at eight thirty?  A bit before, a bit after, but... yea.  More sleep.  Needed light to wake?  Or... what of it is available.  It's a gloompuss day.  All good though.

Sassy fed.  I had some corn and peas, again.  Coffee as well.

Headache.

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It's not even that good, or... bad... of a headache.  The thing is, I haven't had a headache in... months.  Almost since going carnivore.  Yes, there... is something about the carnivore diet that improves every part of life, if it is brutal to acquire the ability to consume the short list of things in it.  Worth it?  Just for the headaches, yes.

Throw in the lack of bloody noses, fewer body cramps (even while not taking minerals, though too if not on waterpills... which I need to get back on).  And a ton of other improvements, including losing a hundred pounds.  Hoping to lose more, but that may not be possible in winter.  My body wants food, and lots of it.  Even if I can stick to the carnivore diet, I... will gain some weight in fall and winter weather.  If for no other reason I can't get warm enough to burn it off.

Cool, out there.

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The first time?  The first time, this year, I have seen it well below freezing.  It may have been.  Sleep has been off, ability to check has been hampered... memory, to go check, fog... keeps me from considering, physical frailty... hampering what memory and psychic clarity don't deny.  It is 28 out there.  Rather brisk.  It has been cooling down so slowly, though, that it... seems... right, not frigid.

I had thought it strange, so little traffic.  Then traffic picked up.  It's never quite rush hour, around here, though at closing time, as folk are coming home, they arrive in packets of vehicles as someone like me either drives as if it were Sunday, or someone else like me gets behind the Sunday driver and drives like it was Friday, and he has a date with delight awaiting his return.  It's... good to be me?  :p

Drifting...

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Care to drift along, too, for a bit?

Uhm... love the... flow.