Alpha?

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Sigma.  Contest?

Laughed, I did.

Rough.

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I did get the miter saw back on the stand, after getting the under parts tightened.  Then tightening the connections from the saw to that.  Tight enough that I can wheel it around without it falling off.  That was harsh.  I kept looking for the handles, hoping I would find them somewhere.  Nope, they really just aren't here.  I did put the stopper bar in, and angled it sideways, so the weight, center of mass, were more balanced.

Then on to watching a movie.  The new Nosferatu.  I like the new television, and soundbar.  It is good to be able to hear the voices, even on a lower volume.  But it sure booms.  The bass, rear speakers, and the bar, plus the tv since they are the same brand so it adds in the televisions speakers to it really is surround.

Well?

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Laundry was started.  Some of the steak eaten.  Sassy was fed.  And I did get the saw on the stand, but realized there were other parts.  Problem?  The parts were for handles... handles that didn't arrive in the packaging.  So... I called.  Surprised they answered.

After figuring out their system, so I didn't have to talk to a "computer", I got to where they would call me back, without losing my place?  Or, the wait was a minute.  So, I went with the call back option.  No... just... no.  They wanted me to put in a time for them to call me back.  So I put in a half hour.  Nope.  They wouldn't call back until midafternoon, 14:30, or somesuch?  NO!

Up at five thirty, again.

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I'll keep trying to pull the bedtime back to 19:00 even.  I think I was awake, as it turned out, until 21:00.  A bit after, no more than half after, more like just after?  I can't remember.  I checked my last post, but that wasn't it.  Couldn't remember how late that was.  But it turns out to have not been near bedtime.

A good warm sleep.  Forgot to turn the furnace down, so it was a warm wake too.  The heat doesn't get upstairs, even with the door open.  But it sure stayed nice and toasty down here.

A few genuine carnivore foods?

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Why, yes.  Yes indeed.  Followed by a few savory notions of another sort.

I always worry.  Are they going to use something that... I can't, won't, use?  So often they add something I can't eat.  Honey?  Sugar?  Or something I can't taste, like some "keto" sweeteners, such as stevia.  It's more like most recipes are dressed as something else.  Or, they make it a plug for multiculturalism.  I can't keep them all out, I miss things, but I try.

Something opened.

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I am just enjoying... the music.  Mostly.

But, a shower, after collecting my swimming trunks.  I didn't realize I had so many.  Mostly hoping some of them fit.  After the shower, I had them ready and set them to wash.  I'd like to go on down, and check the water as it drains, but I am running out of energy.

It's... not just subjective, this time, my running out of energy.  I received a notice from my watch.  It told me to take it easy.  It records "intensity minutes".  It wants me to hit 150 a week.  It... suggests I have hit 204 "intensity minutes" today.  So, yes.  Now, it isn't because I work all that hard?  It's because my body... doesn't do well with even a bit of work.  Oh, and I didn't have the watch on while I was working downstairs.  I didn't want it to get dinged or dented.  So my heaviest workout wasn't even counted.

And, I have more yet to do.  Picking up garlic at the organic store, picking up my meat order at my regular store (and some nuts... walnuts, pecans, almonds, if they have raw and I can afford them), and taking shirts in to be returned.  So be it.  Hmm, and I do need to eat.  But what, or where?  I suppose, being a good boy, I may go on back to the Black Onion.  I really do enjoy.  Though, when I return, I will have half of one of the steaks, grilled, with onion and mushroom?  Something like that.

I best get dressed.  I'll check.  If I ever hear the water drain from the laundry, I'll go check.  Oh... but I could run water down one of the sinks back in the back room.  That might work well.  I'd find out, without having to wait.  I'd just want to pause the machine, so there was no interference.  Yes, I'll do that.  Then go dress, and get on to town.

Well, moving along.

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Two loads of laundry fully dried, out, and folded if not put away quite yet.  A final load, a very small one, in the dryer now.  One load of dishes rinsing, two soaking for a wash.  A few other little things, if I can't remember what.  Can't but trip over chores, tasks, and else needing to be done around here, currently.  Actually, always.  I've never been caught up since I moved in.

Still, I think I'll try to do a bit more.  First, something to eat and some gaming... just to... try to get some energy and to rest a bit.  Then rebagging a waste basket or two.  Maybe breaking down some boxes.  Perhaps working in the bathroom and hall.  I've been keeping up on parts of the bathroom.  Cleaning the sink, or toilet, or getting dirty laundry out, but the whole thing needs hit, just more lightly.  Sweeping and mopping would be good.

Not sure what I will be able to get done, but could get a number of things going.  Finished?  Do... you ever finish?  I don't think so.  But, maybe a few minor areas caught up?  I can hope.  I'll sit, often, while working.  While my legs are doing better, just a bit rusty, I don't want to push them.

It has stopped raining.  It is still overcast, ready to lay down some sort of smack at any moment again.  It is trying to warm up out there.  It is like it knows it should be warmer, it just can't quite get there yet.  I still have the feeling we might get hit, hard, with a final big snow, or two?  Can't be sure, just a feeling, sense.  Would be okay to be wrong.

The bloody nose from last night restarted this morning.  It just won't stop.  Stupid thing.  Oh well.  On to the rest of the day.  Later.

Nearly at the end of the game.

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There are some things I can't do.  The last Riddler contest.  I haven't tried it, but I have reviewed it from others who have done it.  I simply don't have the ability to do it.  The Firebug, or whatever.  I can't keep up with the last two or three of his appearances.  The vehicle simple isn't fast enough, doesn't corner or control well enough, and there are no more upgrades which might help.

There are a few more portions I may be able to do.  Maybe two or three major elements left to play.  But much simply is beyond my skills, knowledge, or abilities.  I will finish what I can, in the next day or so.  But, the game will not be completed.  I just wish there was a game without so many elements, especially poorly crafted ones.  The driving absolutely sucks, and isn't worth trying to finish.  As well, certain puzzles just... aren't reasonable to attempt to complete.  I have tried every tool and method I know.  Beyond not finding a way, even if I have tried the right way, perhaps it takes more of an exact method, or the use of the batmobile somehow.

Oh well.  I have mostly done what I can with the game.  And I am already playing on easy mode.  Which... doesn't have any affect on things like driving.  So contests and elements connected to it just aren't affected by difficulty settings.  So be it.  I could only give this game, say, about a 4 out of 10.  I couldn't imagine anyone actually getting through this game, as a casual or even semi-serious, very experienced gamer.  I don't even know who could finish this game.  But I can't.  Not even going to try some things, like the challenges, and the final aspects of the Riddler's challenges.  Actually, just the last one.  I made it through the rest, but can't do that final one, won't even try.  Way... too complex.  Don't believe me?

Not bad.

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Not bad at all.  I got out there and started on the cages.  I set up one of the empty ones close.  It had to have a feeder, waterer, and the vertical hay feeder set up.  Done?  Yes, and surprisingly quickly.  I learned how to use the rebar tie kit almost... intuitively.  Not that it is difficult, but some people... are... some people.  I... can't remember, always, if I am one of those some people.

I fixed all the rest of the hay feeders, with the latches a friend brought.  I set a few other things to rights, and then put one of the males into his own little cage.  I will probably be moving these guys out the outbuilding.  He is my tester.  I hope he does well, will tell the next few days.

Then I went out to the cages in the outbuilding.  Four were set up, if two may have been set wrongly... the feeder... too high.  It took a bit, using tin snips to cut through.  I would have fixed it then and there, but I started seeing stars.  Stars?  It isn't that hot.  Ah!  Diabetes?

I can't say it is too bad, yet.  But blood sugar is 90.  That is with 25 cc's of the slow acting last night, and 8 cc's twice, with two of my three meals.  Very light meals though.  I probably should put something else together to eat.  I am not up to a larger or cooked meal...  Oh, I have bratwursts left over, and eggs.  Oh, better, I think I have bacon!  I really do like bacon and eggs.  Even still.  Especially the gooder stuff, and cooked very well.  I... have improved, and it does improve taste, texture, and else.

Anyway.  So, yes.  After I sort out food, and if that allows me to feel better, then on to a shower and shave.  And, maybe, sorting out a cleaning solution.  Then, perhaps, some cleaning in the bathroom.  It won't be a lot.  But it is something.  It is... if nothing else... a start.  That is all I can every hope for, after stoppages and slow-downs.

I think things might pick up, or soon.  We did get the start of some weather.  Wind, and clouds.  Something is coming, or in a hurry to pass through.  Time will tell.  Medicine has all been taken, save nightly slow acting insulin.  No other insulin will be had.  Day medicine has been taken.  All good.  Later, or good night?

Well, awake.

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Awake, absolutely.  Later than hoped, far earlier than actually expected.  I have been trying to sleep earlier, it just hasn't been happening.  I think, this morning, it was 05:00 or 06:00 when I could crawl in to sleep.  As... usual, mostly.  Trying to be to bed earlier is jinxed by not being able to sleep.  Staying up until later than that usually fails due to an absolute failure to stay awake.  Rude.

I did wake around noon.  Then got the ducks fed, rabbits fed, both watered with a fresh filled pool for the quackles, and... oh... best get the girls after this post.  They are last, since they can do for themselves, to a degree.  Still, I'd best get to them, or I will be stormed, mobbed by female furries with a penchant for pain... giving, not receiving.  Being mobbed by cats seems nice, until you realize they have claws and know how to use them to terrible effect.  Even if they don't break skin, they... get so close.

I did get laundry going, a shower, and some dishes last night.  I am dressed for more.  Blood sugar dropped to 76 before I went to bed, so... I had to work with that as well this morning.  Ugh.  Part of the reason I didn't get to bed earlier, if not all of it.  Odd.  I did a few things.  Now to do a few more, after writing and tending the girls.  No pains this morning.

I did have to fight foot cramps while sleeping.  My guess is, with blood sugar dropping, and fluid going out a bit excessively, my legs and feet were simply too cold... even well covered.  Though more so if one or both kicked out.  Things are very odd, bodily.  I realize that I seem healthiest while in major repair mode, if... getting to the major repair mode is... dangerous.  Yea.  Nutz.

Bonne Chance?

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I can never be certain who is speaking, or from which frame of mind they present.  All I know... think... believe? is that, when spoken to, I hear... one way or another.  Could cry, could laugh, mostly laugh or let it go.  I don't, attempt not to, take it one way, or the other, until or unless something else shows... offering clarity.  As to sanity?  Show me a sane, and I will show you a liar... definitely by modern so-called pathological theories.  If everyone is crazy, they can take their money.  It's a matter of convincing.  Now, as to calling or implying insanity?  Usually that is gaslighting or projecting.

Thanks, Vox.

Anyway... a number of vids have popped, recently, right after... some even while... I put certain posts together.  Not sure if they mock, point out, suggest, imply, accuse, but there have been a few very definite responses.  I ignored.  But every time the subject would return, even on a tangent, the vid would pop.  Several topics.  So... I thought I would exercise them, possibly.

I love this game.

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Almost certain.  I saw earlier, but was so tired.  I was trying to get to bed.  

Still awake, still tired.  And yet?

I suppose seeing worse is for a reason.

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A dream, as an observer.  A kid with some sort of mental retardation was the focus born to a war widow in WW II, by what I could tell.  He was doing well enough, if things had remained as they were he would have been ready when he grew up.  But then his mother died.  There ended being three choices, a decision he didn't get to make.

He had grandparents, on her side.  They didn't care for the boy.  It wasn't his condition, they didn't want the fuss.  The retardation was simply an excuse.  They would be hard on the boy, brutal, worse.  I realize now, as I see in the hearts of those around me in real life I also see as such in my dreams.  I wouldn't call it a gift.  Though something about that?  I don't need to be near, and I see other things.  Might have started with INFJ, if I doubt even that.  Either way, it certainly doesn't stop there.

Ah, the shark stare!

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And more.  I... realize the phenomenon.  I simply didn't know the cause.  It unnerves some, others shield from it by turning away, while others... especially attracted females... dive into it.  As some folk get used to you, or me, they relax and are no longer bothered.  I wondered why folk told me things as if I was a confessor.

Yes, as with being called a coyote, so to have I been called a sigma, which implies the infj personality traits.  It took nearly thirty years to investigate the coyote thing, so it only taking a decade or two to review sigma and infj traits is... an improvement.  Not that I am an absolute believer, although when the shoe fits?  Of course, there is the notion that people want to be whatever they hear that sounds good, or to them.

She was curious.

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A query, whether sigma males ever made what she called a mistake by getting involved with alpha dames.  Well?  My problem is probably more with terminology.  I don't believe dames can be alphas.  I do believe, perhaps, that some rare few may be nephilim.  Which, to her, might be semantics.  We'd have to agree to disagree, until I could educate her.

In that latter case, then yes.  Unlike sigma women (again, not sure I believe in that species of bird, or what such might be if she should exist, as with males or some, also another form of nephilim?) and their disinterest, incapacity to deal with alpha men, sigma males can quite enjoy 'alpha' females.  There will be... hmm... friction.  But, nothing I run from, if not what I seek every time.  Now, I suspect it is difficult for 'alpha' women.  They just don't... get it.  Sex is divine.  But all else for them is difficult.  They know we rule, but don't understand how.  It infuriates them how we... manipulate in shadows.  And how we do it, especially when it works.  They want a share of glory of which we want no part.

Sigma, game theory.

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Looking through youtube I saw a vid.  Caught my eye.  No, not a deep, true, believer.  And yet I have heard enough, to put some things together, including... should game be correct or reasonably in the goal zone... what I probably would be.  That is I am a sigma. Even so I doubted some woman would have a clue.  I thought she would be mocking or just so off I could chuckle.  Chicks.  *grins*

Huh? Yeah, no. Fishing pole.

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Strangest of questions.  Thought about it.  Thought back.

Not much yesterday.

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Ugh.  I remember, in highschool, in track and field, trying to improve my "standing" jump.  I suppose they had to differentiate between non-tool and pole vaulting.  Still, couldn't they just have called it race or sprint vaulting?  Anyway.  Over the course of a season, you really could improve, your first, maybe second, year.  After that, every little bit of improvement became a bear to obtain.  An eighth, or even a sixteenth, of an inch was a hard won victory, and would only last... maybe... if you kept at it.  I guessed then, and suspect more strongly now, that the fight wasn't with reality, but with one's own self.  When we understand things, beside jumping pole vault and more heights we will also walk on water and think no more about it then we do getting up out of a chair.  I nearly skip out of bed usually, and hop out of chairs without a thought, even now.  But getting to work is another thing.  I do aim at it, I don't always hit the target.  Though it has more to do with a lack of sun than a weakness.  Odd for one who is so sensitive to the sun though, really.

Today?  I am hoping to finally get the last of the dishes.  I rotated, then reheated, them yesterday, but never did do them.  As well, tortilla dough.  I have decided, with those, I will probably make a quesadilla, but just one, just cheese though maybe onion too, and that will be that.  Two batches will go in the fridge and three or whatever is left will also be split out, then frozen.  The last thing I hope to do is take food and glassware (1/2 gallon jars that have been cleaned) downstairs, and organized.  I might try to get the kitchen a bit more squared away with the room made through storing... and I might try to get the old water heater up and outside, to be taken to a metal pile next time I am out and about.  Yeah.  Not sure about any of it, but that is the list.

Well, and maybe a smallish breakfast before long.  I have kefir water again, but keep forgetting to soak oatmeal in it.  That makes a really good breakfast.  Then again, until later, I don't have milk.  I really like milk if I am going to eat gruel.  So, perhaps tonight, I will remember to sour some oatmeal grains for breakfast tomorrow.

Dreams... lots of them... but they didn't stick.  In one of them I used my powdered milk.  What I have is the best I have tasted, and I sampled around.  Carnation stuff is the worst, I think.  Not sure why it remains common.  Is it the cheapest?  Bleh.  What I have, after looking at what others like, and tasting the bottom, middle, and top of several lists, is what I like.  And?  And it is still powdered milk.  I have found how to add enough powder to get the so-called full-fat milk that I prefer without getting clumps.  And the flavor degrades.  Still, in an emergency, after all else is gone for a bit, this will do.  And it will work in baking fairly well.  Can still taste some of the oddness, but it is s-okay cooked/baked.  Oh, and there were other dreams.  I know I laughed in there.  Though I doubt if you and I always share the same sense of humor.  No tears, though some serious struggle consternation.  Dealing with the government, about something.  I don't always have to win to win, and winning isn't about my pride these days but about justice, truth, and some other things.  My will is the least of my worries.  God's will, if I can have a concern, is my concern.  So winning isn't going to get me something, it's going to be right.  Details, of dreams, though, are like dust in the blender.  :p

Painpills, again, first thing.  I am going with a chomp of those, first thing, for the rest of the week.  It really does help, even if I don't sense the pain, usually.  I don't need more later, though... maybe?  A nooner, give or take, too?  Only this week, to try to push through.  After that I am just going to have to suffer and suffer poor performance.  I am trying to kick over but I won't medicate myself to death to do it.  They really have been opening some things up, if function isn't quite following.  Yeah... nooners... all week.  Odd that I can't feel what can fell the oak that I can be.  Later.

Long nap.

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I had hoped for a few hours.  I got that and more.  I am still tired.  I showered when I woke, and woke with a lark on my mind.  No, not a bird, mostly, a joke of some sort.  It was a wonderful morning for being an afternoon.  Possible?  More than probable, it simply was the way of it.

He, she, us, them, they, me.

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Well, perhaps there are some things that are simply not akin to the others?