Some days.

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Like today?  Surprised I am still alive.  Rough.  Before work, while resting, even sleeping.  Every muscle burns.  Tired in ways I can't fully understand.  Then, when I do work, it exacerbates the fiery muscles.

Mom kept trying to have me do little things.  I had to refuse, stay focused.  The wood pile had to be parted, cut to size, then piled back for reasonable pickup.  It went from two huge piles to five still pretty huge piles.

But, that's it.  No more work for a while.  If I have to avoid going downstairs, so be it.  If I have to avoid meals, okay.  Done, for a week or two.  Though, honestly, sleep and rest are hollowing me out too?  Yes, somehow.  Hmmm... a recliner would be good.  A massive one, like the arms and bossoms of a viking giantess.  Yes.  A nephilim can dream.

Why so harsh, the muscles.  As if everything has been torn, pulled, burned to their last, and then much more.  Less burned, more just... ashes?  Ashes and pain.

On to bed.  Good night.

On to sleep.

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More trouble?  No ground, only positive and negative wires.  *shrug*  Will sort that in time.  

Had lunch.  Having taken medicine, I want to make sure to eat.  I'll eat again this afternoon.

Mom had me do just a few small chores, before closing shop.  Stubbed three of my biggest toes all at once in the efforts.  I've had worse.

Still mostly cloudy out there, outside.  And a really cool day.  The high is forecast to be 78.  Will find out.

On to bed.  Good night, day, or such.  Be well, blessings, and all.

Far more than anticipated.

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Getting the old fixture down wasn't too bad.  After a lot of hand screwing though, I went looking for the cordless drill I gave mom.  Mine would work, but it weighs a ton more, and I don't need the hammer drill feature.  Finding the right bit took some time.

Finally, to it.  That went well, if the fixture was far heavier than anticipated.  Thankfully not so much, or at a wrong angle.  I thought it would be thin aluminum, not... whatever it is.  The ballasts are probably the weight issue?  I'll find out in time.  Down, set aside.

I decided to get the riding mower hooked to the pull wagon.  So went and did that.  An easy enough task.  In a bit, I may see where she wants it, and move it there.  She... might have problems getting it out.

The new fixture was unboxed.  Mostly easy.  I... think I have installation down?  Idea-wise.  Will find out.  Had to find screws, as the others don't fit.  Then, a new bit that works with the new screws, star bit.  Bleh.

Ah, but positive, negative, and ground.  Thankfully ground is easy... bare copper.  The other two?  Old wiring.  Colors don't work, match.  Off type wiring, faded?  So... to find the multimeter.  I looked, and looked, through boxes, drawers, tool pouches, else.

Mom came out, asked what I was doing.  Wasn't sure if she was, or was about to get, smart.  You know, when a simple task begins to fluster you, you begin to see trouble everywhere?  Still?  I played it straight.

She started looking in a smaller box.  Yoda girl style.  I... didn't want to snap, or sound dismissive, and had some hope she... might know where it was?  I just gently suggested that the box only held mechanical, engineering, pencils.  After a second, she set that box asise, dug deeper into the next box.

I wasn't sure she knew what a multimeter even was.  She did.  And had found it.  So glad I had been... nice.

Of course?  It didn't work?  Batteries?  I had to find a y.t. vid about how to get into the outer case!  Ugh!  Then to actually get in.  A bit of a tug, pull, and shove.  Got it done.  Changed to new batteries.  Nope?  Pulled the fuses.  Putting them back as removed.  Nope.  Then yes?

Ugh!  I may see where she wants the mower and wagon.  Then place it for her.  Then?  Check the wires.  See which is which.  At least I don't have a dimmer to hook up.  But, I am hitting bottom.  Working on the ladder, at odd angels, and learning and else, just wears me down.

Still, like it or not, for me, that was a solid little three hours of work.  Easy work, to most.  Most aren't this close to death.  And having burned themselves out especially this last week, but truly these last three to four months.

No, I think I will rest, after doing a reading.  Then finishing this, plus moving the lawn tractor if needed?  Seems not, good where it is.  Later.

A very long sleep.

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I woke at 22:00(ish), and heard the alarm at 3:00, but shut it off.  Then the five, snoozed it once then turned it off, as I was... awake, mostly?  Not sure when I made it down, a quarter before or after six.  Though I did light morning reading while waking, so I probably was awake, fully, really, by 5:30. 

Still, I think I went down around 15:00?  Or so.

Body is sore.  Bruises, scratches, and whatever else.  Body pains, but a damned lot of them.  Wrists, a palm, torn and ripped legs and arms, main torso on the surround.  Upper back muscles, more upper leg muscles, a heavy bruise on a calf from the fall, fingers and knuckles cut and/or bruised.  Mostly just physical pains, not my organs hurting.  Or... they don't get felt as their priority or pain level is lower?  Or I am more used to them.

The goals today are to put the new fixture up in here, then work on the wood pile.  Get that cut to lifting size.  Mom left a small list, only one of which will be done.  I will hook up the wagon to the mower.  A loan.  What I wanted to buy, she refused.  It is what was needed.  From now on, I will ignore her input and cheapness on some things.  Can't send the others back, without taking a massive haircut on shipping.

If we had purchased locally, would have paid double, and still had reshelving fees of similar amounts.  Can't come out well on some purchases.

I remembered to put in the dairy order today.  And it arrived right away!  But... I forgot to unlock the door!  Always something.  At least I was awake, and down here.  So an easy save.  But, his son is being wed today?  That had somehow slipped through planning, on this side.  I appologized, for various things.  They needed dairy too, and I can get them some cash soon.  Gotta support the young who marry, and get to it, these days.  Seriously.  

I'm letting mom sleep to eight.  Though, if she wants, I'll let her sleep longer.  Got down to the mid 40's last night?  Crazy.  Seems a bit early for that, but it has been an odd year.  Later.

Mare a list.

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I have to begin doing that or she buries me with stupid little things.  For me to do the big things, I can't do the little things, thousands of them, she wants me to do.  I can do some of them, not most of them.  And there is no doing all of them, for there are infinitely more.

This morning, beside the dailies I generally tend, I got the ladder down from full extension, reversed the extension, and folded it up.  Putting it away in the garage.  That was a heck of a chore, but I am more fit for such chores.  Couldn't do three of those in a row well, though.

In to town.  Thought we had everything we needed for her driver license.  Nope.  Physical address has to be on the post.  And wedding license, to explain her last name?  A thing or two more.  Rough.  So... more to do there.

Then on to the hardware store for a small list of things to check, buy, decide.  A car wash.  Wanted to stop at the grocery store, but was done after the hardware store.

A cooler day.  If still warm, and dry.  My preferred weather source suggested it was 81, though in town probably hotter.  Always hotter in town, probably hotter than it reads, even for honest readings.

On back to our home town.  I unloaded the car, had some water, did a few last things for mom but called it quickly or she would have had me working to sundown and then some.  And, that would ne fine... if I could.  And if I didn't havd big things still on my list, and didn't need to crash as well.  No, I... can't tinker with little things.  She either does them, slowing down on other things, or they just don't get done for a while.

A bit of music, and rest.  Then writing this once cool.  Now closing in on sleep.  Need it so badly.  I asked that she not bother me tonight.  I may be up later, much later, or not until three or five.  Will find out... when I find out.  Good night.

The odds and ends.

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Water started, through the filter.  Three jugs?  Or so.  Her coffee set up, mine french pressed.  Some cold cuts and cream cheese, medicine, and water.  I was out of minerals.  Ordered them a bit ago.  They arrived pretty much just on time.  Adding vitamin D and K back.  Hoping it helps with BP and else.  A high dose.

Medicine, too.  If I have to eat lunch/dinner/supper too.  And keep at it.  That bit for breakfast isn't enough to handle whatever meds take away.  A steak salad, or more of the heart... the rest of it.  And continuing.   Might have to push.  The world is cooling, a bit.  That may help both with energy, recovery, and the ability to eat.

I opened up the place this morning.  Love fresh air and that, often, cool mountain morning breeze.  It truly is a lovely thing.

It was hitting seven.  So I woke mom.  Chatting.  And, received starting advice on some problems.  Well... to it?

Slept through.

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I think mom called.  Not sure, though suspect she would have tried.  I hit my limits.  Woke up drueling, several times.  Tonight.  I've done that every night this week.  To now, I had much to do.  Trees.  Need to work on that last pile.  But, then, that is it for a while.  I am barely standing.

Mom isn't going to like it, but she is on her own for a week, or two.  I'm still not doing well with medications.  I stopped them, for a day or two, while not eating, but started them back up after eating heart, then a meal the next day.  But fasting and meds, heart meds, extended fasting, don't mix.  That is lethal.

I wasn't absolutely sure if a stick did puncture my right arm pit.  I was pretty sure, but couldn't get a good look and... mom... wasn't looking to be relied on to check.  If something needs a bandaid, she is fine with it.  More?  Not so much.  I'm fine with evisceration, if the subject isn't catterwalling.  Still, I couldn't get an angel on it.

Now I can feel a quarter to fifty cent piece scab like closing.  So... yeah.  I was punctured.  Probably as it felt, say two inches deep.  Surprised that didn't and hasn't hurt.  It isn't, necessarily, pain tolerance?  It is healing, not infected to date, as good as it gets.

A shower when I get up.  Coffee, tea maybe, water, perhaps an ice run.  Can do little things.  Maybe, in a bit, the light fixture up?  Oh, and later still, working on the limb pile.  It has to be cut to smaller sizes.  But that it is out and piled makes that, almost, a snap.  With the chainsaw going.

Perhaps some business too.  Arranging for storage.  Just calls, texts, on that.  But, not even sure about all that.  One thing or the other may short circuit the whole program.  Will find out.

Time to rise and try to shine.  Later.

Awake early, if late too?

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Well, yes.  No late night, early morning forray between midnight and two.  Did wake at the three alarm, deciding that was too early so on back to sleep.  The five alarm just went off.  I snoozed it, but then sat up before the next sounding.  Ugh, I hate alarm clock sounds, if I do appreciate what they can do.

Lights on, blogging, as I get ready to dress and go down.  PJs, really.  Not doing any heavy work.  Oh, but returning amazon things to go back, a trip to the hardware store again (the light fixture in the kitchen, fluorescent, went out... can't find the balast, or such?... not led though).  So I will need to dress properly, before too long.  After a shower.

She ignores me.

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I went on to sleep.  Telling her what I would do, when I woke.  And not to work on my zone.  Logs, big branches needing sawed, heavy work.

So, of course, she was out working on it.  But a neighbor saw her out, with her walker, working on that area!  So be it.  But, before she could do much, that neighbor called his brother, who arrived and finished that for her.

I would have thought that would mean she would go back to working in her areas.  She had two fairly easy zones, if she wanted to work when I couldn't.  No.  Not what she did after.  I did much of the remaining zones.  She... helped, for a bit.  A little.  Then went in.  Which was fine.  She was getting in the way, and of a mood.  If I was too.

Got most branches and some larger stuff piled, from two zones.  Took three old hoses to the trash.  And that was all I could do.  In to rest, hydrate, talk for a bit, then go on to bed.  I was absolutely crushed, and from so little?  It should be vonsiderdd little, and was a bit less than an hour of work, mostly (for me) light work.

After the wood is finished, later today, or tomorrow, I am done for a week.  Bruises in an arm pit of impressive severity, my torso sore if just in (big) spots from a one to two times my height fall, and living in agonizing exhaustion, plus with the shin ripped two thirds it's front, and with scratches and tears all over legs and arms, some more visible, some less... I am done for a bit.  Need to lick my wounds and sleep.

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The other day, while mom was mowing the field, a german shepherd (male, by size?) approached.   Coming at a good clip.  Did he think that was his territory?  I saw him and immediately headed toward him, at pace.

He hesitated, and angled his approach, slowing as well.  I was coming with intent.  I really don't fear dogs.  I will go there without hesitation.  Can't outrun them.  And mom certainly couldn't, and would stand no chance.  Then someone called him off.  He... was... glad to be called off.

Mother suggested the dog wouldn't have  bit her.  I agreed, but just to let her believe what her mind was comfortable with.  Women are often stupidly naive, especially about violence.  Human women.  Most other species, their females... understand.  From cats to dolphins to chimps... violence is real, immediate, and to be expected.  Peace is a rare commodity, not the way of things.  Ugh.

It worked out.  But... I have to keep an eye on her.

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Well, it's early, but I will get up.  A shower, brushing teeth, water filtering, and a few other chores.  Would like to eat, probably can't.  Oddly, my arms are muscling.  Still anemic, compared to my youth.  But... better.  Must not be too low on protein.  Certainly don't look like a vegan.  Later.

Rough morning.

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Not up until six.  I did a few things inside, moved the sprinklers then started them on the remaining dry patches before the sun was too high.  Started my coffee, and mom's.  Then called her.

Checked blood sugar.  High, again, even a bit higher, at 150?  I'm not eating!  Much.  And the cheese and meats are saying zero carbs, so?

We talked over coffee this morning.  Plans for the day.  That limb to cut, branches to move, and cut weeds and trunk suckers.  Mostly just moving wood, into piles.  Cutting them to fit first, sometimes.  Three areas to attempt to be cleared.

Breakfast.  Low carb seed bread, low carb jam and marmelade, plus butter.  Quite good, with coffee, and kefir for me.

Then we both began crashing.  Still, we went out.  I cut the limb, then cut it up into the right sizes to stack.  Saw she was... not doing well.  So checked on her.  Just... tired, as was I.  I moved the piles she had stacked in the wrong place to a single right place, using some evergreen branches as a bed for surer pickup.  But, left the remaining pickups for her.

We took a break.  Both being in rough shape, we decided to check things.  Her blood sugar was 325 to 345?  Never seen it that high.  Tested twice, same result.  Mine was 151, so it wasn't breakfast.  She takes a diabetes medicine, injection, once a week.  Perhaps with her working the stuff is malfunctioning?

With me, the problem seems to be BP.  It was 104/64, with a pulse of 70?  All much lower.  Now, when I fast, I have learned not to take my heart medicines.  While not, to my mind, fasting?  Perhaps metabolically close enough?  That, with meds, craters some or all of my stats.  Oh, and mothers bp was also lower.  

She suggested that I eat more.  I told her I can't.  No appetite, hunger, interest.  Four toasts saw me absolutely stuffed.  Not sure what to do.  Pulling off heart meds as a trial.  At least until I can eat.

She was about to fall asleep at the table, in her seat.  She suggested I wake her by noon, if she fell asleep.  I told her to go on to bed, so she would be more comfortable (and wouldn't fall).  She, surprisingly, agreed.  But asked if I would help her.  So tired myself, but absolutely.

We got her in, and tucked in.  She probably fell asleep before I left the room.  Even if I am up at noon (unlikely) I would only check on her.  When you need sleep like that?  Just sleep.  We can figure the rest out... when, as, we can.

I got out and began moving the branches to the front piles.  I cleared three large groups.  Stacking most in one pile, some for the base of a second pile as needed.  Then, myself, pulled the plug.  I was completely done in before I started, doubly so by then.  Was hoping pushing would bolster bp, so I could keep at it.  No dice.

On to bed, but decided to scribe the morning before crashing.  Now, on to sleep.  Good day, and night.  Hoping to do more, maybe the rest of it, tonight.  And to try to eat.

We both crashed.

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I planned on my crash.  No choice.  She fell asleep in her chair, waking mid afternoon only to go on back to bed herself.  She didn't wake up, or wake me up, until 19:30.  Took me a while after that to wake.  A half hour.

Watering was started.  But that was it.  No food for me.  She ate something.  I ended up taking bitters, with water following that up.  Blood sugar was high.  Not sure I can eat those keto crackers?  Or is it cheese, or cold cuts, causing the variability?  I'll sort it.  Bitters, for nausea, heavy today.

On back to bed without working tonight.  The tree work, to now, was crushing.  More to do.  Hoping to finish tomorrow.  Cutting a final limb, parting that and other limbs already down.  Then moving the branches into piles, to be machine collected.

Hopefully to finish that between an early and late work session, with a tweener nap.  Everything hurts and aches from this last week or so.  All good, if I can push through.

Good night.  Again.

Awake late.

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Early, actually.  The alarms are set for three and five.  I'll turn off the three alarm.

As I was going to bed, mom wanted me to take the trash out?  Was so tired, a bit annoyed.  Didn't do it.  Crashing.  Couldn't figure why.  It didn't smell.  Was relatively recently cleared?  Hmm.  But, waking, I realized tomorrow is trash day.  So, if nothing else, I figured I would walk that out tonight, and get the barrel to the curb.

Up to work.

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Couldn't eat much.  But did some work.  The first part was checking to see if some lights worked.  I was able to do that from ground level.  When the lights worked, I had to get the ladder.   Moving the ladder, then setting it up, is a chore.  Did that and did what I could to reset the lights.

Then a break.  Oh, but I washed a few big windows, inside and out, before that.  The living room plate window and the back kitchen trio... each almost as big as the plate, two thirds?  Really looking better.  Though, in time, will try CLR mineral remover to see if that will finish the last issues.  Even so, quite a bit improved.

Time to get up.

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I woke before the five alarm.  I hate alarms.  I also woke around one.  Sore.  Too sore.  The work from yesterday was a bit much.  Though too, trying to return to days.  Well, it's day.  Now to wake, have coffee, and whatever else.

As soon as the puncture under my arm stopped weeping, the legs, from rash tree and limb cutting, in shorts, wept.  I kept sticking to sheets and blankets.  Pulling free, to a whince or more, only to restart the weeping process.  That will get better, in a day or two.  No more shorts when messing with branches, bushes, or such.