Dark and cool.

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Not much else I can do.  I haven't been able to get to anything.  Tired, in a strange way.  Yet, not.  I did game, a bit.  But it has been difficult to do almost anything else.  I don't want to go to sleep.  I don't feel like it will work.  And, yet, I think that may be the only option left to me.

On to bed.  I'll take medicine.  But I think that is it.  Goodnight.

A very good sleep.

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Not sure why I slept so late.  It wasn't cold.  Though it was dark, for most of yesterday.  Perhaps that was it.  I am susceptible to dark, cold, wet.  At least these days.  Down until 04:20, or so.  Moving slowly.  I did feed Sassy first thing.  Had a bite myself.  

It is 42 out.  Was 64/67 upstairs, and 68/69/69 first thing, down here.  It doesn't look to have rained, but that can evaporate quickly, if it was a light rain or sprinkle.  Still, by scent, I don't think so.  A pleasant morning.

Now I not only put on shoes, I lace them up.  Too hot in the summer, often.  Though, for years, I used to wear flipflops even in the winter.  Not so anymore.  Medicine has caused me to be slightly less tolerant of the cold.  Even when it is mostly in the low 70s, shoes are slightly warm to wear.  But I have managed.  As it cools, warmer socks will be added.

A dream, last night, of a class reunion.  There were some women I liked, from school.  One, from a class ahead of me, one from a class behind, and three from my class, with a fourth from my class as a maybe.  And, one I made a minor chase after, but failed.  She already had a guy.  Even back then, if a gal caught a farmer?  She knew better than to pass that up.  When I realized her situation, I backed off.

In the dream, we were our current ages, but acting like when we were in school.  It was sort of fun.  With nothing left to prove, and social levels not the same, and some people not present who were... difficult?  It was a pleasant dream.  Flirting, games of various sorts, like a week of cohabitation.  Nothing naughty, just... a pleasant time.  A time as it would have been in a more enjoyable place... I think for all of us.  If we could have been honest, back then.

A shower before long.  I need to digest food, and wake a bit.  But that is next on the list.  Then boxes being torn down, and maybe loaded up.

I have been praying at night, but they have been short.  I am crashing, as I go to bed.  Praying through that is tough.  And, yet, I do my best.  Praying, sometimes, during the day to help cover what I fail to do at night.  Though meditation is extremely challenging currently.  Yes, as a Catholic, or Christian, you may meditate.  I would recommend directing your meditation to aspects of God... say His patience, or forgiveness, or such.  Perhaps even research the bible, on these particular traits, so that when you meditate, initially, you have something to base it on.  Though, too, you can just let yourself be drawn toward that aspect and just attempt to understand.  If I think that is better for more advanced sessions... after you have learned focused meditation.  My problem, currently, is that direct meditation will cause me to sleep.  I keep a connection with God, a focus, like a laser connecting us, two way.  But that isn't... meditation.  That is... like breathing, only with God.  It's, now, just a natural automatic thing.  I only lend to that when I am sinning or when there are troubles.  I lean more on God in my sin than in my daily normal life.

Anyway... So...  A new day, a Saturday.  I'll try to get a few things done today.  Including a bit more prayer and maybe some meditation.  In my case, currently, I just open myself more fully up to God, and just... listen.  It's the laser connection, only opened as widely as my being, or what I am capable of opening, then transmitting.  But only transmitting to open the link, then put on receiving.  I don't know how else to explain it.

Well... on to some things.  Good morning, day, night... 

Quite a wonderful day.

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The sky, mostly, cleared.  There are still storm clouds to the east, along that range.  And, here and there.  But, mostly, the storm has broken?  For now.  It was only 65 out there, last I looked perhaps an half hour ago.  But it truly is a pretty day, especially with the sun and remnants of the storm collaborating on a mixed day.

I am pretty much done for the day.  I tried to get a food run, from someone, but I was an hour or two late.  They were done with such things for the day, and headed out for some fun and a local lake.  All good.  I went for pasta.  The real stuff.  Just with butter.  I know, but I was hungry for... something I shouldn't eat.  Pizza, a triple burger, but I just couldn't get out.  I worried that the pack would be too old, but it was delicious.  Some pasta is good, some of it is more like cardboard.  This really was good.  I thought about adding tomato, and shaving either parmigiano reggiano or asiago.  But, I don't have a cheese grinder.  Actually, it's in the cart.  But I have to wait for next month.  :p

I did well with the game, am resetting a few things, doing some light work.  Hopefully I can make it through the last of the brutal parts?  Well, this whole game is going to be brutal.  I am trying to learn, practicing, going back and trying different methods.  It's... well... it's just a difficult game.

With my wallet found, I can... get to some things I had hoped to do.  Difficult as it is, sometimes, I do my best.  I had hoped to shower today.  But that won't happen.  Tomorrow.  First thing I am hoping.  But, it is about bedtime.  I figured out part of why it felt so cold last night.  I actually had both fans running, near me.  The higher one is the one I prefer, while sleeping.  It offers air, but doesn't blow directly on me.  Well, in cooler weather.  In the summer, I use the shorter one, and right on me.

I turn the short one on, during the day, just to get some air to move up there.  I must have forgotten to turn it off last night.  I did quite a bit of work, though, as I was going to bed.  And I was crashing.  So, yes.  I... may well have forgotten.  Still, I am making the bed tonight.  And, while at it, I might as well flip everything.  See if that is keeping the odors at bay?  I think it is, from what I have seen.  This time, I bring the small mat I put under up on top, and flip the top mattress, while moving it to the bottom.

I may not be doing as much as I would like.  I can't.  But I am really doing more.  I have to try to push through, before it gets too cold.  There are things I really want to do.  I can hope to work into the winter, but that's always problematic.  Even working in the fall, with the weather getting so cool so fast, I just don't know.  But I will try.  Now to brush my teeth, take insulin and pill meds if needed, then go on up and sort out my sleeping pallet.  Good afternoon, day, and goodnight.  I'll... pray for you, me, and the rest, while at it.  

Finally!

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I haven't gotten to anything.  I was searching for my wallet.  High, low, in out, pants, pajamas, what I am wearing.  In the bathroom, bedroom, places I have been recently, laundry.  I... did get some things sorted, if made more of a mess than otherwise though.  In the search, I realized I am missing my flashlights!  But, that... isn't as important.  Oh, they are somewhere.  Probably.

Finally, I found it.  Yes, I was beginning to panic just a bit.  Getting the drivers license back is a serious pain.  Since I can't seem to track my social security card, or birth certificate.  I am assuming those are gone.  I should start getting those back.  And, find a way to keep them safe, and keep some sort of copy on hand rather than the originals.

But, yes, I found it.  I had fallen out of my pocket, in the living room, playing on the console.  Which... should have made it easy to find.  Except that it fell into my work boots, which I keep in there.  Both are leather, and the way it fell, it looked like the darkness of the chasm which leads into the boot.  Clever.  It's... funny, now that I have it.

I have been looking around most of the morning.  Gaming between, to... rest physically but push mentally.  On the good side, I have nearly made it through the most difficult part of the game... at this difficulty... from what I have heard.  Though none of it will be terribly easy.  Still... Two birds with one boot!  Later.

A call.

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I finally remembered to call.  My mother.  It's a bit after ten.  Now I see why it was so dark until well after seven, the cloud cover is, or was, very very thick, dark, dense.  But it has lightened a goodly bit.  Still seems more like winter already, by look.

Sympathy, this time, I could offer.  I miss my friend a goodly bit.  The first day, or two, after his passing, I thought I was good.  But, then, I went to call him, or was thinking of getting him out shooting, and... he just wasn't there anymore.  I know how that goes.  I always keep thinking I am over losses, then one hits, and another, and...  I'm praying for her.  And thinking of her.  Praying for her friend, and the family.

Even so, I wouldn't have it any other way.  If you don't miss anyone, you don't love anyone.  What a lonely world that must be.  Already dead.

I'll do a bit more gaming, then a shower.  Then boxes and perhaps some of the grains stored.  It's beautiful, stormy, out there.  I do love storm clouds, even rain.  Even when it is cold.  I call it terribly beautiful... like when a woman is angry.  So many fond memories, of various things, and people.  Mixing and twirling.  Later.

Raining, and nowhere close to sunup.

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Even when you know fall is upon you, the changes... happen without being noticed, until they are.  Light later, darker earlier, sleepier by the day.  All good.  If you have as many of your ducks in order as is possible, jumping and running isn't as necessary.  Some can't get their ducks in order.  It is easier for them to jump and run.  I... lived that way as long as I could.  When I tried to live like that, after I became able to duck and run?  I went hungry for weeks or months at a time.  I ended up, sometimes, freezing.  Or burning up.  When you can't function well enough to avoid, or figure, you merely suffer.  Good for humility, but... unwise, in my condition.

So... I learned how to be as prepared as possible.  And I try to maintain that.  If it weren't for thieves, I would be in pretty good shape, better shape.  I have... limited their ability to get in and steal.  But not completely eliminated it.  Much tighter, mostly.  Fewer items, not as often, etc.  Remembering to use the latches, as the locks can be bypassed.  Having the windows closed enough that getting in is more difficult.  It seems they, mostly, only enter if there is an easy way in.  They won't, so far, break things to get in.  Though I suspect the upstairs windows are an access point.

There are some limits to how much I can do.  And, I have to leave, which is when they actually can hit.  Almost guaranteed.  But, they are stealing less and smaller portions of what they steal.  Garbage bags, disposable plates if they can find them, food stuffs, insulin.  Yea.

Anyway.  A bit sleepy still.  I did figure out how to... improve some backend things in the game, so I have a better chance to get through.  It's still... difficult.  But it isn't as impossible as it was seeming.  Though the real challenge is next.  The next level is very difficult, I don't have any upgrades, there are half a dozen major confrontations, but... so be it.  I'll slog through.  I may do a bit more prep work, shortly.  But I'll save the actual heavy part for later today, or maybe tomorrow.

Breakfast would be good.  A shower and actually dressing rightly.  I am in a long sleeved tshirt, heavy pj bottoms, socks and shoes, but I would like to put on proper pants, the tshirt is fine, heavier socks, and possibly longjohns.  It is a bit cool.  Getting cold.  All good.

Friday already?  I guess I knew that, I just hadn't thought it out this morning yet.  A week of little done.  But the weather just fell through.  Still looks to have been raining shortly ago, and on and off through the night.  All good.  Sure could use that, for the lawn.  And, really, even if it is cooling things (or possibly warming things, as it had been going?), all the water we can get is worth the price.  Yes, it probably is warming things.  While it seems cool to even cold, it had been getting down to 36.  I think the rain is from warmer areas, just colliding with cold northern air to cause it to drop it's load.

Breakfast, a shower, getting dressed... and I need to find my wallet.  I hate that thing.  I was sure I had it in my pants, but it's not there.  Didn't wear a jacket, last time.  So it wasn't that.  Hmm... oh well.  I will find it.  Later.

A bit of gaming.

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A fatted coffee, medicine, some time reviewing information sources about the world worth giving a moment to, a little time grooming Sassy and making her feel like a special friend, has been a reasonable start.  Breakfast?  Not quite yet.  Perhaps chia in a bit.  On to gaming.

Gaming is rough.  The most difficult portion is upon me.  I have mad it half way through the easier section, after a lot of effort.  Oh... but... I think I have been forgetting some tools which might make it easier.  Ugh.  Okay, well there is that.  Still, the next portion is... going to get very difficult.  I will probably be hollering, might be peeved, and may well loudly curse an expletive or three.  My mother might be able to make a sailor blush with her words, I can strip paint.  :p  Until I was thirty, I didn't know the woman could cuss.  Anyway...

A bit of gaming, then maybe a shower.  A bit of drying.  Then boxes.  Maybe more yet, later.  Teeth were brushed.  I like to brush, especially if I may be talking to someone soon.  Though bad breath?  I... don't think there is a way out of that.  Onions, coffee (for some), garlic, meat sticks or anything that can get stuck between teeth... if you can't floss.  Though, sometimes I am sure I have bad breath, but others don't react as such.  And, other times I just cleaned my teeth, and people avoid.  I... don't always quite understand.

So, on to gaming.  Until my balls have been broken well and good enough.  Then on to a bit of a start.  Have a good morning.  Get to it if possible.  If not, just... enjoy what life has to offer.  Maybe a short pray, in gratitude.  For what?  For your very life.  It's not what you have, really.  It is who you are.  Ask any man on his death bed, what his wealth means.  Especially if he gave everything dear up for it.  I can tell you.  I... am that man.  Just... given, under the circumstances, and eternity to... renegotiate.  So, yes.  Say a little prayer, in gratitude for a very special gift.  Then, figure out how to enjoy it, if you don't quite yet know.  Pain, even, is a grace.  Embrace what must be suffered, and offer it to God as the simple works you can do.  Offer it to the souls in purgatory.  For they certainly can use it, to bolster for the walk through fire that lies ahead.

Yes.  Good morning and day.  Be well.  God bless.

A rather good sleep.

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Rather cool.  That can be a good thing, if I have the blankets set up correctly.  Otherwise it's a bit of rocking and rolling, minus music.  Trying to keep from any part getting too cold.  Some nights, I can realize the problem, drag my butt out of the nest of covers, reset them, then sleep well.  Last night was not among those nights, so I just suffered.

Still, sleep was good.  Good enough.  Down right at 16:30, after taking care of the last bits and pieces of the day.  Sassy fed, insulin in, water obtained to take the last few pills, a few things upstairs, teeth brushed, and... maybe a few other things.  There is SO much to actually do at bedtime!  I try to get things done a bit earlier, but that doesn't always happen.  Still, last eve, before bed, I... got it all done.

Oh, but I did have the fan a bit higher.  It seemed warm when I was going to bed.  I did crawl out, if only near the end of my sleep, and turn the fan down to low.  That would have been nice much earlier.  But it is what it is.  And I did get some good sleep, just not as good as it could have been.

I turned on my phone, turned off airplane mode, and... there was a message.  My mother is a bit down.  She had been to the funeral of her friend, and... you could tell it.  We make it through their funeral, and up to it, bravely and well.  It's when we go to talk to them again, or... mean to give them something or ask for something that we realize that they aren't there.  And it just... gets us.

I realized, at some point, that part of why I am not as active is because I have had friends who used to work on machines with me, or go shooting, or this or that.  And, when I would think to do something, sometimes their absence would be there.  It is difficult, sometimes.  So, yeah, I get it.  It isn't even that one wears a brave face.  The reality of the loss isn't there until... it is.

It is raining out there, again, and 50 degrees.  Upstairs was 66/67.  Downstairs is 70/70/70.  No, the furnace isn't on.  The ground is still warm enough is all.

Today?  A shower, boxes, perhaps some of the various grains packed in mylar, then into buckets?  Maybe a few other things.  Nothing fancy.  The dark, cool, and wet seems to be slowing me down.  But, I'll get some coffee, after brushing my teeth and letting them rest a bit.  Looking around to blogs and such for a bit, after I brush.  I fed Sassy first thing.  Maybe I didn't feed her last night, as there was half a portion left this morning?  Still she got it.  Well, have a great night, or morning, and/or day.

Well?

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Not much done.  Then again, an oddity occurred.  I have been ordering things, and they have been taking a long time to receive.  So, when I ordered some things, I planned on them coming in on different days.  But no.  I received 75 pounds of grain, all on one day.  It's not major, but it was enough.  And, it wasn't all that arrived.  I had to chuckle.  They are in the house, but... I haven't put them up yet.

As well, a few last sewing items, for the month.  Stretch thread, elastic, and a few other things.  I think that is it for the month.  Wait, after a few more returns and cancelations, I think I ordered other stuff.  But, just took it out of the basket for the first.  I'm not replacing, just buying early.

Still dark, 65 outside, last I looked.  While it is 77 here, in the front room.  I have been in here most of the morning and afternoon.  Can't... get much else going.  I did game a bit, but that is stressful, on the highest difficulty.  So, just... just so much of that at a time.

Back on all medicine, again.  And it is working.  But the cool, and dark, have sort of pounded me into the dirt.  I am sure it will clear up, and perhaps warm a bit, before too long.  I had sensed rain was coming.  I thought it would be a goodly bit, and for a while.  Here it is.

It's just hitting 16:00.  I'll feed Sassy the last of her allotment, take my medicine, brush my teeth, then go on to bed.  I did contact someone, earlier.  Checking on something.  Oh, and as I was looking through mail, I see I have paid water ahead a month.  All good.  Next month I don't have to pay.  I'll just add it to another bill that needs paid down.  Always good to be ahead, for once.

I finally broke down and looked for sudoku games, for the smartphone.  I am having to learn how to use these, so am slow.  And I don't remember all the techniques I used to know.  It has been... three or four years, since I played seriously?  And, these games are... a bit slow.  They aren't really built to go fast.  But I think I... may get fast again.  Not sure these will allow me to push into the five or even fifteen second marks.  But... who knows.  *flick*  *poof*  Though, too, maybe I am just older.  Moving slower.

Then again...

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Who was it, really.  I am almost certain it wasn't the manifestation of a living woman.  But... it was a woman.  You can't always tell.  But she didn't want to get caught.  Women are so like that.  Especially if they like you, but fear you.  Like cats, playing little games, or really fearing you... if for their own reasons, not because you hurt them or such.  Just because they have little internal mechanisms that... don't make sense to menfolk.  Not... fully.  Emotion based beings.

A video popped.  Though, who might have triggered it, or what might have?  Very fond memories.  And, yes, it... reminds me.  There was something about her, the experience.  A ghost, but... which one?  One I knew, one who just lived here but is... active, alive, actionable?  Two blown neon bulbs, one partly shattered, near where she was.  Lights coming on, down the stairs, triggered by movement which couldn't have been.  Sassy can't open, and close, the door.

A good morning.

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I fed Sassy a second time.  She gets two cans of wet food every day, sometimes treats, and all the dry kibbles she can eat... which is actually quite slim.  Sam "and her" went through a bag a month.  She hasn't gone through a bag on her own since Sam died.  Sam was an eater.  She was eating for herself, and two major cancers.  At least.  Poor girl.

I had a fatted coffee, using coconut milk I found.  It is... dated.  Outdated.  But... so am I.  :p  A perfect match.  Breakfast?  Perhaps in a bit.  This time, chia seed and hemp heart, with added protein.  Nothing fancy, but it does fill me very well.  Sometimes almost too much.

It is down to 51 out there.  Which really isn't bad.  It is 71/71/71 downstairs here.  Very strange.  But I have been in, playing the game on the hardest difficulty.  Ugh.  This is... going to take a bit.  Not sure how to stay alive.  But, it looks like I'll have to try a new method.  How I have been doing it, on the next to most difficult level just doesn't... work.  So be it.

Just hitting 06:30.  I started this a bit ago, though.  But... had to go check the temps, and... do something else.  Oh... brb.  Odd how that goes.

I did bring the boxes in here, what was around.  And I will get them torn down today.  Then do one more check through the house, get anything else found taken down, then try to shove them into the Xterra.  I already have a pretty good load.  Next time I go to town, then get these in to recycling.

As well, begin tearing this area down.  Right down to the nubs.  I want this room clear, down to the floor, and emptied.  The only things that will stay are the computer desk, book cases and books on them, and my trash and recycling bins here by the machine.  Everything else, from chairs to boxes to a table and cart, cleared and out.  Today?  Well, this week.  But as much as fast as possible.

Then I clean, after it is clear.  And then I begin putting boxes to go in here.  Stacked in an orderly fashion, ready for the next round of dumpster dumpings.   Perhaps, this time, just a month, and four dumpings.  They only dump once a week.  Hmm... I wonder if it is cheaper to order two, and have both dumped twice, then return them?  I'll... have to do the math.  But, if I am ready, with the boxes all set to go, then it might be worth the effort to compare prices.

Hmm, had to do the math...  The two week thing is ever so slightly cheaper.  And, would have figured that out.  Of course, that would really only truly work if I got them the day before pickup day, filled them completely in one day, and had them take them both on the second week and pickup.  Actually, with the added day, the difference becomes even less.  Still slightly cheaper, but that would mean a LOT of work for a very little payoff.  I think it better to get one, the day before pickup day, fill it, but already have a pickup set to go.  Then fill it three more times, with a pickup already prearranged the next three weeks.  It would cost, say, $2 to $3 more, but would save a heck of a hump trying to fill two dumpers on one day.  If I was in a terrible hurry, maybe.  But I am not.  And $3 dollars isn't worth that kind of humping it.  See, I can do some math.

Back on all meds, and doing better in all ways.  A bit slow and down, with the darkness, but getting past even that, as I get used to the cooler weather, and have the trim of the house down... for now.  Plus, fresh air as I sleep even.  And, sometimes, down here, during the day.  Fresh air, just a bit of movement in it, is grand.

On to breakfast, looking around the net, then boxes.  Maybe a shower, in a bit, too.  Good morning, day, or night for some of you yahoos.  

Probably made it to half past.

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Almost to 18:00.  I can't swear to it.  But I am pretty sure.  It wasn't procrastination, it was absolute exhaustion.  I couldn't remember to stand, so standing was out of the question.  Sometimes, when I put my shoulder into something for long enough, I grow numb to else.  And, so it was.

I am surprised I am waking at midnight thirty.  I had hoped to sleep a bit longer.  Usually I would.  As a fact, in normal times, I would sleep until, say three in the morning.  Not... just because of when I went to bed, but because I had to push hard to get there.  And, I have been pushing that hard for the last week.  Sometimes I push on through to the other side.

I think it might be the moderate temperatures.  It is 70/71 upstairs, with just one fan on the lowest setting, and windows open.  Down here, it was 70/71/71 first thing.  Outside it is 55?  Strange, but yes.  It has stopped dipping into the 30s.  For which I am grateful.  I had hoped winter wasn't here already.  I'm just not ready.  Though, what is, is, sometimes.

Oh, something... was up there with me, as I woke.  I... saw something, at the end of the room with the stairs.  I hurried to the light, turned it on, and... it burned out?  Those are little neon lights.  It was a fresh bulb for a year or so ago.  It really shouldn't have burned out.

Still, I got another, I bought dozens, initially thinking they were going fast.  Some have been "borrowed", though, it seems.  But there were six or eight remaining.  I put it in, checked it.  Initially, it worked.  Then it blew hard enough to break the glass?  I rushed over to it.  Something skittered down the steps.  I could sense it, but not see it.  I tripped the motion sensing night lights on the way down, the two that work.

Ah, I laughed.  It was just Sassy.  These things were just... odd... coincidences.  We do... want to believe in the rational, so why not?  I got on to getting dressed and sorting a few things.  Put the rest of the spare bulbs away, carefully tossed the old and now broken new into the trash can.  And went on downstairs.  Laughing, with relief.  Until I... had to open the door at the bottom of the stairs.  It couldn't have been Sassy.  Yeah, it happens.

It felt like the women I met, or... dreamed I met, in the kitchen area.  She was rather... lost in this time.  She was confused by the kitchen, because that hadn't existed when she lived.  And definitely by me.  "Who are you?", or such.  She was dreadfully confused, a bit frightened, a bit shaken, but resolute.  As I saw or dreamed it.  That was before heart medicine had started, I think?  So, could have just been oxygen deprivation, or a dream.  But didn't feel like it.  If that was true, this... was her.  I am almost certain.  Same signatures.  I think she likes me.  Strange how women hate men they want so much to love.  They are so like cats, in such weird ways.  I didn't even know a neon like could shatter, and I don't think they normally will.

Really, really.  And, no.  This time I was fully awake.  While I didn't interact with her, I... am sure I saw her form.  First at the end of the room, then going down the steps in a hurry to evade me.  With a full blouse, covering even the arms, and a full swoop skirt, probably with filler layers.  Women have such... interesting forms.  Anyway... I am now certain.

Ah, but on to waking.  Looking around, maybe playing some games.  Boxes and a shower are all I really want for today's Christmas!  A bit of water, with sea salt and electrolytes.  I am feeling a bit thirsty.  Not grail in my throat, but a sense of a need for a bit more.  I can tell, when it goes down like silk, and my body is thanking me for it, that it was needed.  It was definitely needed.  May have to do that a bit more often.

Have a great morning, or night, or day.  Later.

Procrastination can be a friend.

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Nothing fancy, but it is nearly 16:00.  Ten minutes to go.  By the time I shut off the machine, get upstairs, attire correctly for sleep, and tuck in, it should be around... 17:00.  :p  I'm about to fall out of my chair, which means I am moving slowly.  But, seriously, I'll be to bed in less than half an hour.  I may feed Sassy on my way.

Insulin is in, medicine was taken.  No more food, but breakfast was spiffy.  I got the package that arrived.  Got to the post and picked up those packages.  All good.  Successful for a dark, otherwise nothing, day.  Oh, and I completed the second to the most difficult level of Doom.  Then went back to check some things.  I pretty much emptied the game.  I may try the most difficult level.  We'll see.  It'll be... a sever challenge, for an old, nearly dead guy.  But... what else do I have that challenges me.

As mentioned, I'll say a good prayer tonight, as is the usual.  You'll be in it, probably a number of times.  I pray for some, though, just when I see their names.  For their deeds, misdeeds, harms, fouls, joys, and life.  I remember being a fool, Godless, and desperately in need of prayer.  Some one, it seems, did pray.  And?  I'm still in need of prayer, but am in a position to... pray for myself, and others as well.  I didn't think I'd live this long.  Or ever be here.  Goodnight.

A strange day?

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Feeling a bit pinched.  It is still, mostly, darker out there.  The sun is mostly miss, with some hit.  But it is only 65 outside.  Dressed warmly, I am actually feeling a bit warm.  It is 75 up front here, near the computer, and about 71 elsewhere in the house.  I haven't been upstairs, but it should be pleasant.  I have been pushing to make it to midafternoon.  And, really, I have made it.  At 14:16, I am good.  I may go on to bed.  

It is a bit disappointing.  I had hoped to be up even later, maybe to 16:00~17:00.  Just... tired.  I had hoped to hit the boxes, and get a shower.  Nope.  But I did a few things.  Mostly set up some returns.  Now to get those out and back.  Ugh.  Well, and I did have a fine breakfast.  Out of eggs though, now.  I'll have to go back in.  Last time I was in, eggs weren't too bad.  If they are too expensive, I will just skip them.  I can wait.  I can go without... everything... for a while... if needs be.

I will have a good little bit of sewing kit, more than I currently have, by the time I get in to my lessons.  I have been planning on sewing for a while.  I was stocked, half well, and have improved since then.  We will be able to explore a reasonable number of things in training.  Should be interesting.  I may begin reading the manual, checking settings, and such.  Ugh.  Or just wait?  I don't know.

I'll be heading up to sleep.  I'll put a prayer in for you, me, and the world.  Have a great day.  I hope you can do more, or just enjoy your day.  Goodnight.

Yum, breakfast.

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Once or twice a month, lately, but hopefully more like that per week, I do a good solid breakfast.  Yes, chia is good.  Sure, oatmeal can be okay rarely.  But, eggs, corned beef hash, and coffee?  Only bacon would make it better.  So, today, I made a nice breakfast.  And I feel it.

Medicine is in, something from amazon was canceled, and twice because they ignored me.  The second time was successful.  And, since the money was meant to be spent, I bought something from my cart... lowering next months initial shopping bill.  I do that for cancelations, from their side or mine.  Quilting squares, with nubs that hold, is what I went with.  An odd thing, but very handy for this and that.  And not just sewing.

What I am finding, is the more tools I have, of all sort, often initially for very specific tasks, turns out many tools cross platform incredibly.  Best to buy better tools, and have fewer of them.  As much as possible.  But, sometimes you need specialty tools.  Though, like a set of various angled picks, or micro tools, once you have them, you find them quite useful in the strangest of applications... like... cleaning a sewing machine more easily, or prying open a phone, or... who knows.

I need to get organized.  And am... trying.  Every time, lately, I have been getting back to work, weather changes, or I just go dumb lame.  No matter, I have tomorrow... until I don't.  Since I don't have to worry about the "no tomorrow" scenario, because I won't be here to bother with it, that only leaves me, sometimes, waiting for the right tomorrow.

Today is wet and dark, but not too cold.  I can't do cement, but I can do boxes.  If... I can get going.  It's... planned.  Hoped.  We will see.  But, that breakfast was a nice helper.  Oh, and I did get to the post office, before they opened.  Four packages?  Yes, but... okay.  No, I remember.  Some for sewing.  Some for auto.  And some for the weed whip that will end up going back.  So, they will probably go back with it.  And, since I'm not buying a different one, as it turns out my very old one still runs like a top, I'll probably send that line on back.  Since mine takes heavier line, and the neighbors new one takes heavier line too.  So... all good.  I just have to get that sorted out with the online store.  Checking with the neighbor, though, in case he wants to try the heavier line.

Down to 53, then back up to 55?

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Strange.  I thought it would continue going down.  Could it have been the rain that caused the slight dip?  Then when it stopped, it warmed back up?  I can't be sure.  My thermometers, out there, are out of the elements, and always in shade.  So I trust them.  And, there are two of them, which have been put in freezing water to check.

I am having the last of the ham, green beans, and potatoes.  Sassy has been fed.  I'll get her litter boxes clear and clean shortly.  I have most of the boxes collect, now to just bring them to this room, and maybe do one more check.  Then to begin tearing them down.  Probably get to that when the sun is up, and maybe it is warmer.

I think I'll skip most of the rest of the ham, including what is on my plate.  It just... it, one package of whichever, would be good for a rare change of pace.  But two in a row would be dreadful.  Still, it is what it is.  And it will do, in time, one way or another.

I hear the weather had turned, for the year.  No more 90s, no more 80s.  Quite a fast turn, and a hard turn?  Well, no.  I think it's actually a bit of a late turn?  Now it is more normal?  If memory serves, that is how I would put it.  It is as if summer was late, slow, light, and stretched a bit into fall.  But fall has finally shown up, if a bit stronger than usual?  Or was it just so much warmer than usual that it feels unusual.  The weather is off.  The sun is doing most of it, but elites are doing everything they can to kill people with what they do, or don't do.  Funny how that ends up creating new elites.  If you can't serve, you aren't an elite.  If you only serve yourself, you are serving Satan.  And you will lose.

Oh... I best get to the post.  I have, usually, be getting packages quickly.  I didn't pick up packages quickly, recently, because I knew more were arriving.  I think everything is in, so I'll get in and get those items.  And before the worker arrives there.  I best get going.  Sure, I'm in pj bottoms.  But they are more like sweat slacks.  And I have a long sleeve t, socks, and even actual shoes on.  So... it's good.  Later.

Longer!

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I have been trying to sleep later.  A bit back, a bit forward, like a rugby scrum?  I don't remember the term.  But when someone has the ball and both teams are trying to shove the baller one way or the other.  Brutal, but fascinating.  And, so it has been.  Tonight, if just by what seems a a few feet, I have gained ground before some call or other play broke it up.  

At 01:16, I have pushed three hours later than I have been able to so far.  Though, being able to stay awake until well after 15:30, and probably, in the end, past 16:00 because of the visitor, maybe to 17:00?  Or not quite, but close?  That would be, around eight hours down, plus or minus up to an hour.  My mind was scrambled by the time I laid down.  Remember, I had almost been going to bed at 15:30?  Or had planned that just a bit earlier and could have made it save for the visitor.

I am asking my visitor to act as my agent on an interest.  Not sure it will work, but... one can always try.  A willing agent?  Who can ever tell.  But the request has been made, and tentatively accepted, or... seems to have been accepted.  Some men accept and deny without a word.  I... suppose he is thinking on it.  A nod does not... mean total acceptance.  But... I think he likes the challenges I set for him.  And, he does well.

God only granted me this being, these hands, this mind, this face.  But He saw fit to teach me to... employ others to my will.  Dominate?  No need.  If I meet a good man, and ask him to do something that is either good, or at least not bad, and there is a bit of a challenge involved?  He doesn't know it, but if he succeeds in doing my will, he will be gifted a percentage.  Finders fee.  Always pay those who do you a turn.  May be nickels, or a few reasonable dollars.  But rewards are far better than mere thanks.  

He has plans.  He is a builder, maker, fixer, and doer.  Even a fifty, or hundred, helps in his design.  I... encourage his ways.  Would emulate them if possible.  Though, now that I am back into tools and mechanical efforts, that... may be as close as I can get.  He isn't a younger me.  Better in some ways, not in all.  But, he is ambitious in a more honest way.  All I can do is small things, but I do them.  Including real world challenges, and real world rewards.  He got 10% (of the profits, cash over debt payoff) from selling my car.

Today?  Waking up, first.  Then seeking out all boxes, bringing them in here, and tearing them down.  Maybe fitting them into the Xterra.  I had hoped to do concrete, but it is raining.  Has been pretty much all evening by the look at it, and continues.  A very gentle, weeping, rain.  Down to sprinkling.  Couldn't even hear it over the fan, on low, upstairs.

It was 70/73 upstairs, 70/71/71 down here... warmer in the front room, and is 55 and raining outside.  The outside hygrometer reads 157.3% :p (seriously, when that thing winds out in the wet, it goes very long!  Way over the 100% mark, it's hilarious.) and the inside hygrometer, in here near the machine, reads 50%.  Long!  Reminds me of a North Korean election.  Sadly, we now have those in America.

Time to look around the web.  Then game a bit.  Perhaps have some salami.  And... who knows what else.  But, work is on the mind.  Maybe a shower, thrown in there too, at some point.  Love those blasted things.  Hmm... may move the shower curtain arm before the shower, as a price and self gift.  Good night, day, morning and all.  But... get off my porch!  :)  Do it nicely, if you must.  Or throw an egg on the way.  All good.

Well, on last post.

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It is only, at 15:20, 73 outside?  Really?  It's up to 76 here near the computer.  It did rain, but just a spit.  I didn't see it happen, or hear.  When I was out earlier, I noticed.  Very strange.  But, yes, this is more around the time I expected rain.  More of it, too, to come.  If... my sense are correct.  Shortly.

Tired.  But, I made it to midafternoon.  close enough to my later goal to call it good.  Save now I have a cup of joe to sip.  Life might not be perfect, but I am getting to things.  No boxes broken down today, but all collected, most in here.  Ready.  Tomorrow, the day after, soon.

Oh, a visitor.  Back with my weed whip.  Plus, he added oil, and cleaned the filter.  Nice trade, since I don't have oil.  Don't use typical oil.  My vehicle uses synthetic, since the day she slipped the docks.  All of my vehicles have been on synth.  At least if purchased new.  Don't want to mess with synth in older vehicles unless you are sure it's been well maintained.  I handed out one pack of cheese, a sister dop to parmesan-reggiano.  Both about the same price, actually.  Meh.  I have asiago and the p-r.  Hmm, actually should have given the p-r away.  I wanted to try that one.  But... it's all good.  I wanted them to try something slightly different too.  :p  It's... how I do, for myself and others.

Trying the other canned ham.

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I have purchased two types, otherwise untasted.  Goya and DAK.  I have now tried the Goya.  It... will do.  I wouldn't write home about it, if I did write here.  It was... good enough.  It isn't great.  It will do, not even just in a pinch.  But, like much of life, that is all it will, or can, do.  But that is enough and more.  I'll know about the other shortly.  I don't expect a lot.  This isn't gormet.  But it is hoped not to be horrible.  Then again, I have learned flexibility, and God seems intent on getting humility deep under my skin.  Oh... He... could do more.  So... I... try diligently to... listen, hear, follow.  Still, these aren't that.  Though my satisfactions may be a portion from that?  Maybe many people wouldn't even consider these edible.  Hunger, too, I have known.  Do know.

As well, I finally called and made an appointment for a class on the serger.  She was going to be late, and I timed out.  Then... well... it got forgotten, until she recently called.  Friday?  I think so.  Late getting back, but all good.  An arrangement has been made.  I put it in my phone.  A reminder a day, three hours, and an hour before.  All good.  I have the machine packed?  Or nearly, may have shown another the device.  Have the carrying case kitted out with some things as well.  Have a few more things arriving, for sewing.  Will take them along, and see.

Of course, as noted?  Sewing is like seventy percent patterning.  Sewing itself will take time, experience (mistakes), and this and that.  But, for producing things, most of it is setting the project up.  Sewing is the last little bit, or parts and bits between the more difficult work.  It's almost terrifying.  I am sure it will get easy, maybe even slightly boring, quickly.  But, as with many things, that first foray into a new area is annoyingly... difficult.  Just because it is unknown in an unknowable way, until you get in.  Then, there are all the mistakes along the way.

I doubt if much else will happen.  Did I mention, I brought the trash and recycling barrels back?  A day late, but I was probably in bed before they were picked up.  This was as good as I could do.  Couldn't get out earlier, had to shower, and dress more rightly.  But, got out right after I showered, and got them in.  It really is what I can do.  Why tell you about that?  Just... trying to add points on the Doom's activity score.  Can't do much, often, but try.  Need all the morale boosting I can get, and tasks done are the most morale boosting things I have going.

I should make it for another hour, maybe two.  Maybe.  But this will be my last post for the... night... day.  So, goodnight.  Have a great day.

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I decided to add a quick review of the DAK ham.  It was... slightly higher quality?  I think so.  But, the flavor ends up being pretty much the same.  Still, it means I won't have to toss the last of the potatoes and green beans.  Yes, part of it was using rather than tossing the rest of the leftovers.  Check.

Not a bad go of things.

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Plus, I don't think I am finished.  A pleasant day, if dark.

I kept waiting for the sun to come up.  Then I realized it was after 10:00!  The sun she weren't shin'in.  No siree.  So, I got things ready, a change of clothes was a dire need.  And in I went.  Clean!  I LOVE showers.  Baths would be better, but I... just can't.  That is so much work, for this old body.  And upkeep?  A shower will do.

It was 68/69 upstairs, 69/72/73, warmest up front here, and only 63 outdoors.  I didn't see what the low was out there.  Just... was moving too slowly, or elsewise vexed or bewitched by this, that, or the other project, effort, chore, or duty.  But I am guessing it got to the 30's again.

With so many little things being tended, I am... beginning to add other things to the list.  A plastic bag, and vinegar, to deal with the partially deposit-blocked shower head cleared out.  Though, it's mostly the top that is clean, and that provides a stronger spray, so I may actually leave that.  But, too, I keep thinking of moving the shower curtain bar out further, to give me more room in there.  It's like a bull in a closet, as is.  I'd at least like a stall.  :p

No, really.  I dealt with the water softener.  And, yes, the water IS softer, better.  No salt buildup in my r.o. machine, and I can feel it on my skin.  Plus, my eyes are stinging less and less.  I am sure it isn't psychosomatic, or I would have believed these things earlier, and really, they are only being noticed more now.  It took a while.  As well, learning how to use the dremel, then using it.  And a few other projects, chores, and such coming out... favorably, well done, as intended.  Hiccups?  Always, but not stoppages, shortages, failures.  So, it's... time for more.

I am also eyeing a vacuum cleaner that is far easier to use on the steps, in tight places, and in general.  The one I have is just too heavy, even for me.  And it has never quite worked... as intended, hoped, wanted.  Plus, it takes bags, and eats them.  They aren't terribly expensive, but they fill with one turn of vacuuming, in one room.  And it is horrible on the stairs.  Like carrying a ten your old while slowly descending and looking for a lost penny or something.  Ugh.  But, not for a few months.  I am pretty sure which one I want, but... we'll see.

Not a bad day.  Only Tuesday is it?  I have something to get back through ups.  And I really need to do a bit of shopping.  Salad, veggies, maybe a roast or two, and some chicken?  Whatever is on sale, or priced right, meatwise, which probably means pork.  I have stopped looking at fish.  If it isn't out of China, Vietnam, or somewhere like that, it is too expensive or farm raised.  Even US farm-raised fish is... dubious beyond consideration.  Like it, hate me, it's all the same, and the truth.

Boxes.  When, if, I can get to it today.  Medicine was taken.  Oh, and I had been off insulin for a... a while.  Didn't mean to be.  Clean forgot.  How could that not cross my mind.  Been back on it for two days, three?  Four maybe?  But, back.  If nothing else, I am hoping to hang on to mid-afternoon.  I'd love to make to to between 14:00 and 16:00, though I'm not sure.  Dark.  But, strangely, not cold, or even cool.  Dressing more warmly.  Just one fan on in the whole house, and that on low, upstairs.  I... like air moving.  Even if just a bit.  Nice and quiet, though, finally.

Have a great day.  Find your success a ray of sunshine find you, and show you the light.  You are never alone.  Even if you want to be.  I suppose that is the hardest thing to take, for those who want to believe but choose a different path.  So want to be loved, but think they don't deserve it, or that it is false.  Been there, done that.  Have... remarkably... no scars or even a tshirt to show for it?  Wait!  I do have the tshirt from the rafting incident!  "It's all fun and games, until someone falls out of the boat.  Then it's HILLARIOUS!"  Something like that.  So... I do have one tshirt.  *smile*  Good day.

Breakfast and a project.

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There was something I have been meaning to do.  And, if the dremel actually worked, it should be able to do it.  Without further consultation, I put the correct pieces together, then connected them to the device, and?  Worked exactly as hoped.  BUT.  I cut too low.  Well, that is why I had several pieces.  So, no harm, no foul.  I just grabbed another one.  Cut it as well.  Then, I got the barrel sander out, attached it, and?  It... worked?  Yeah.  I may have to sand a bit more.  But... done.  

I could do a few more, but one is enough for now.  Proof of concept, currently.  If it ends up working, perhaps I will make a few more.  Okay.  My theory of the device being a major psyop is... not holding together, or aging, well.  I have used this before, many times, in various ways, to utter failure.  Why... is it working this time?

As I begin attempting to... do things.

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For whatever reason, I have never successfully used my dremel.  Things didn't work as they were supposed to work.  Inferior pieces, bits, baubles?  User error?  I don't know.  All I know is, I have had a heck of a time.  So?  So, now that I am considering becoming more mechanical, I want to bring that thing into play.  It... has it's uses, if it works.

Now, for a while, I wondered if the device was simply a mass psychological experiment.  How many people could you fool into buying it, and trying to use it, who eventually just set it aside and forgot about it?  I... am still not convinced the thing works.  But... I am... going to begin trying again.

To that end, I got the tool, and baubles.  Watched a few videos.  And have some idea.  I am now just waiting for places and times, now that I have cleared a few things up.  Still, I may go review it's uses and operations once I have a task, such as cutting off a nail or screw, or polishing something.

For mechanics, even a small tool like this can be useful.  Plus, I keep running into ways it is used.  Not that I have found in my day-to-day.  Just in watching videos.  So... yeah.

I had supper.  That was actually pretty good.  I should have drained some of the fluid from the green beans.  I had to try to dry scoop the potato green bean mix out, strain it a bit.  Still, it was tasty enough.  Reminds me of swanson's frozen dinners, or such.  All in one.  But, I remember those fondly, from as a child.  We would get one a month.  I think mother gave them, not as a treat, but because we treated them as... formal?  When we were very small.  Mothers... have small joys too.

I still need something else to eat.  I have been... skipping meals.  Doesn't look it, but I've been cutting back to more like 600 to 1200 calories.  It doesn't seem to matter, in any way I can tell.  I might be able to cut more.  Thing is, sometimes I really like to eat.  Not... hungry, always, usually.  But I... like flavors, textures, and feeling full.  Besides, as mentioned, cutting back doesn't really seem to help anything.  Not diabetes, not bp, not weight loss.  It all remains the same.  Sometimes, things like that, truly make me wonder if I am in purgatory.  Semi-dreaming this is real life.  Though, understand, if that is true?  You are there with me, so don't smirk too largely.  *grins*  Oh, how avant-garde!  To pray for those in purgatory, while in purgatory!  Anyway, on to something else to eat.  Just not sure what.  Then a shower.

Still, while not terribly busy, I am starting on things which have been trouble for a very long time.  And, am picking up sticks.  After the shower, boxes in here.  And, maybe, moving a few full boxes out.  The spare room is picked up and sorted quite a bit.  That can take boxes, and maybe a drawing table.  Such like things.  Clearing this room this week is the real prize in my eye.  That and cleaning the oven Friday.

Well, and a shower a day.  Dressing as if I was a grown up man, with responsibilities, and a few such things.  I have been keeping my white bear trimmed.  Just back on the neck wall, up a little, so it doesn't look so... scruffy.  Not really work on the body of it.  Though, if it looks too scruff, I may attempt shaping a bit.  Why it doesn't itch these days I can't quite say.  Mostly.  Just a bit at the neckline.  May need to hit that area again.

Good morning and day.  Later.

Breakfast, sort of.

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Steel cut oats.  Take a long time to cook.  But, that's... how I want it.  Healthy?  Probably not.  Still, it's... something.  As is, I am experimenting with them.  I wanted to try them straight up.  Thirty minutes to cook.  Still, pretty tasty.  I'll be mixing it with chia, for an overnight soaking gig.  And, maybe, a few other ways.  Some say it isn't actually fit even for most livestock.  But... they have been saying many things about many foods for a long time, and seem to be... generally... wrong.  The more certain they are, the harder they fall?  Something.  

I'm not sure there is optimal actual food.  There is far suboptimal food stuffs.  But for real foods?  Balance, limits.  But as we age, we will gain weight.  Our systems simply can't keep weight off.  Can't burn what we eat.  Nor do we have the strength to do the work needed to lose the weight.  Those skinny old people?  I have to imagine they nearly starve themselves.  No, not nearly, just not to death.  Or... yet.  I'm not THAT old guy.  I believe more in keto, paleo, carnivore.  But those aren't bulletproof, perfect, or absolute.  Just... probably... for me... better.  Usually.

I put the canned ham and potatoes from dust out, to warm, before putting into a warm oven sometime tonight.  I'll add a can of green beans, the moisture will keep the mixture hydrated.  Nothing fancy, but it will do.

While tinkering out there, I got busy on the table.  There have been things there for too long.  Some I tossed.  Some will be going down to the larder.  Some will be staying up and put into the larder up here, or finding a little place on their own.  I got down to the tabletop!  Not... cleared, all the way, but... that was... a bit of working.  Not hard work, in the physical sense.  Hard work, for me, in the sorting sense.  But I did very well.

Before long, I am hoping on a shower.  I may eat first?  I just am not sure.  A cup of joe first of all?  For sure, I think.  And, if all that gets sorted, perhaps a bit more cleaning.  I'll save the oven for Friday.  Boxes, first, in here.  And clearing this room.  I can't do the book cases.  But, perhaps, I can begin going through even those?  Maybe.

It is 75 in this front room, near the computer.  But I have everything, mostly, shut.  Cooler in the rest of the house.  The oven will, while warming food, warm the house a bit.  With as dry as it is, that heat dissipates quickly, though.  It really doesn't linger.  Still, for a bit, it will warm the colder part of the house.

On to... things.  I think I'll get a coffee going, and start the food with it.  Then, play games until dinner.  Perhaps a bit after, until it digests a bit.  Shower.  Then begin in on boxes.  Good... morning, evening, day.

A bit later.

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I have no idea how late I made it too.  Though I doubt if I was up to 15:00.  Half past 14:00 is as late is it may have been.  It feels like I fell off my chair and ended in bed right after that last post, but nothing goes that quickly around here, in the condition I was in.  A fall in that condition can take an hour, even five.  Strange.  A bad heart changes perceptions at the edges of it's capacity.  Too hot, too cold, up too late, too tired otherwise, too well fed, too thirsty, almost anything but certainly a group of things.  Was there a group of things?  I... don't remember.

Sleep was a bit rough.  I slept while it was 77 upstairs.  Just using fans.  And, while the fans can make me feel cooler, I am not actually cooler.  I overheat in that.  And, if I overheat in sleep, I wake with a headache, and feel rough in weird ways.  So, I... have a headache, and feel weird and odd in strange ways.  I was able to do it yesterday, but I guess two days in a row is a bit much.  If I am sleeping tomorrow afternoon, I will turn on the ac.  Though, if I wake in the night, with any gumption, I'll open two windows and shut it down.

Dreams, again.  Someone who never was?  Daffodil?  No.  Some flower or... plant.  Not a girlfriend, a sister or sister like woman.  Known in another life.  Not much could be recalled about her, it was about the sadness of missing her.  If you ever meet a truly selfless person, you will always miss them, even thousands of years later, in a new form.  Or... so the dream seemed to indicate.  I like my dreams, even if they hurt my feelings.  I have stopped writing some dreams.  People don't like some dreams.  Anything about the present, I don't write about.

I nicked my big toe, somewhere, on something, and it was bleeding.  I caught it.  didn't really feel it, though I don't think it was a big wound, just a poke from something.  I caught it right away, but didn't feel it.  My feet are generally rather sensitive, so... it happens.  Especially when I am busy.  It was while pushing to get trash and recycling out, and while getting it out, in my flip-flops.  I washed it, but didn't bandage it.  Had hoped to get a shower, then look more closely.  But timed out and crashed before I could get a shower.  I'll... do it this evening, bandaging if necessary.  A whole lot of blood.  But high blood pressure, even when treated, while physically exerting, can cause a lot of blood from the tiniest of wounds.  It's almost amazing.

So, a shower today.  And some more cleaning.  Boxes in the front room, and more in the front room.  But, too, perhaps a gathering of dishes and a go at that.  I put the leftover ham and potatoes in the fridge together.  I'll just reheat that, perhaps with a can of some other veggie, either mixed in or on it's own.  With spinach and beats being the most expensive veggies, I only keep a single can of each up here.  The other veggies are brought up in pairs.  

Hmm, green beans?  Sure.  Probably.  The nice thing about being the grown up kid of my own castle is I can change my mind on the fly.  Ask any mother, it is one of the few things in life to enjoy when all else is out of one's control.  I suppose other bachelors get it, but not as well given they are usually younger, and busy chasing...  varied tail.  Plus, they often don't keep much variety on hand.  I didn't, as a younger bachelor.  Didn't care.  A woman or two has helped to sharpen my tastes, food curiosities, and such.  I like... women.  Mostly.  :p

Well... on to waking.  Good evening, night, morning, and/or day.

Almost 13:00.

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Made it to early afternoon.  Feeling a bit tight about it.  Still, will try to make it a few more hours.  No promises.  I... have doubts.

I did call my mother this morning.  Her friend has passed.  I'll say a prayer or two for her soul, and for mother and the woman's other family and friends.  I think mother had taken her in, or the opposite.  It is difficult to become friends with people on the edge.  And, yet, I don't think either of us can help it.  I wouldn't change it, I don't think she would either.  A people who is likeable is likeable young or old.  And it is worth the price of their loss.

I did get her to laugh, about something(s) or other(s).  I wasn't trying to spoil the heartache, or change things.  I just... found a few things funny and let her know, then she did.  Sadness can be had at any moment, a few speckles of joy are rare.  If I see a possibility, I'll take the risk for the costs and often come out ahead.  Just checking in on her.  I don't want to bother her, but too, her time, or mine, is... not necessarily long.  I want to enjoy even just a hello a bit more often.  I call my brother as well.  Trying to time a chat so as not to be a burden.  I think the ol' boy is coming around.  Fashionably late about it, but.  *grins*

No shower.  But, tonight, maybe.  I'll pray for your sorry ass, while I pray for mine, and everybody else's.  :p  Have a great day.  Find a touch of joy, but remember your sorrows as required.  Good afternoon, day, and goodnight.

Trash and recycling out.

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Either just in time, or just a bit too late... for one of them.  I saw the truck coming up the highway, on the other side.  Not sure if he has been by already?  Though, that was just taking another sack out.  They had been out there for fifteen minutes to an half hour already.  Still, could have missed.  Will know later.

The next job is to get a shower taken.  Not sure it will happen, but I am hoping it will.  After that?  Just staying up for the rest of the day, until mid to late afternoon, if possible.

It is 36 again, out there, just around when the sun came up.  It had been 38 until just about then.  But it's... not a cold 36, if you know what I mean?  Maybe it has been lowering in parts enough that it doesn't feel bad.  Or... well, wearing double layers, top and bottom, has helped.  It is still around 70 here in the house, pretty much everywhere.  All good.

The prepper meal was fairly good.  Oh, sure, it wasn't prize winning ham.  The potatoes were lackluster.  The canned carrots are always a bit mushy.  The peas were very good, usually are.  Still, I won't complain.  It was a solid meal.  I haven't had that in a while.  Easy too.  I just won't be one of those complaining about a meal while stuffing their gullet to the gills.  That always seemed wrong.  I'm just passing on notes.  I don't think the apocalypse is supposed to be... pleasant.  But this... actually... in many ways?  Was.  You say the apocalypse isn't here?  For you?  Maybe not.  For me?  It has come, and I am living it.  Truth.

At least I got the trash and recycling out.  In time?  Well, who knows.  And utilities are paid and caught up.  So I don't feel guilty about using the services.  Yes, it weighs on my mind.  Then I forget until I realize, again.  Often after I have spent my cash.  No use saving, they are just killing savers with inflation and low interest rates.  Best fix it, or they will kill the financials and the economy.  If I think that is part of the plan at this point.  At least for the peasants.

Hmm... some water.  A bit of gaming.  I'm not sure what else to do, quite yet.  A shower, before long, I hope.  Well before bedtime so hair will dry before going on to bed.  If I do have methods for handling that if needs be.  I am out of cheese, but still have half the log of salami.  It was... rather large.  And, when I suggested I ate a sixth, that first time?  That was a sixth of a half.  I had to split it, to fit it in a gallon bag.  I have started only cutting about an inch, then cutting that into rounds, and then into quarter rounds.  It makes quite a lot, if you cut it thin.  Each bite a flavor bomb.  Later.

A true prepper's dinner.

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I cleaned out one of my cupboards.  Vienna sausages?  I... wanted to try to like them, learn to like them.  I ordered a passel of them, or such as said.  I... did try.  I looked for recipes.  A cross between potatoes and hotdogs, without any butter or ketchup, the worst of the two at that.  I... finally gave up, but I couldn't quite part with them.  Until today.  

I have been only bringing a few cans of food up from the stores at a time.  Which... whatever.  I guess it works.  But I wanted more.  So, I brought them up, a lot of them.  Two of almost everything I have down there.  Mostly.  But there was no room, if I had... some ideas.  I began pulling the v.s.s out.  Wow, I really had a lot of them.  Then I got to a second shelf, and found even more!  Blarney.

So, out they went, into the trash... before I lost my nerve to rid myself of these things.  A few other things were timed out, so out they went.  A good little bit of cleaning.  Then I sorted and stored what I had brought up.  I finally feel... confident with my very short term stores.

As well, I did a bit of tidying up down in the main pantry.  Some organizing, likes with likes, empty cartons out.  Need more mushrooms.  I knew that, but am waiting for a better price.  I got a dozen cans for less then $15.  They jumped to $34.  They... aren't that good.  Others were similarly overpriced, so I'll just skip or wait longer.  I can cut almost everything.  I certainly won't overpay for even a favored food by a favored brand.  But I definitely won't buy an unknown at even moderately elevated prices.  I can cut down to nubs, if need be.  A family might not be able to do that, but I am alone.  I can nearly starve if need be.  Have, and will again.  Whether for health reasons, or money reasons.  I can go very slim, very long.

Anyway... I had plans to get a dinner going.  And, decided to use some of my stores, to taste things.  A canned ham, canned carrots and peas mixed, and instant potatoes with some keto canned gravy.  Oh, it's... not a delight.  It is easy.  It is not cheap.  But, it should last two or even three meals.  And the ham might even be used for a sandwich?  We'll see.

It is 43 out there, last I looked... if I remember correctly.  I got busy right after, and the mind slips so easily when another set of tasks takes over.  But I think so.  I had the front door open a bit, earlier.  But, no.  No, no, no.  Too cool.  It was creeping in, if deliciously in a way.  I am also filling the water jugs.  And I am looking at a few ollas.  I just... I think those might not be bad to have.  As well, I turned the main fan off upstairs, and just have the smallest one, on the lowest setting, running.  It is so very nice.  The house has settled to 70, though the oven, in which I am heating the ham, should add a bit of warmth, as will the meal.

I best see about things.  Probably time to start the peas and carrots.  The potatoes are being kept warm in the oven with the ham.  Definitely a preppers meal.  Later.

Down early, up early.

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If in an inverted way.  I'd say, by the time I was up, and tucked in, it was 13:30.  I awoke around 20:30.  Only seven hours down?  Sort of disappointing, while trying to swim back to days through the ether of the night.  But, I... am well shut of sleeping.  That has passed.  I woke earlier, because it was 77, and too hot.  I simply slipped the blankets.  I had intentions of adding the other fan, which is more directly on me, but didn't have the energy at the moment, and with the covers off, I was able to fall back to sleep.

Sassy is enjoying coming up, lately.  A bit of a fulltime beggar.  But, when that doesn't work, she does slip in with me, from time to time.  She has long fur, so while it is still this warm, she stays more in my orbit.  But as it cools, she'll be piling on, stealing my whole mattress while at it.  Still, I love the little snotnose.  A daughter of another sort.

Dreams, but their memory vanished before I even woke.  Not sure I was remembering them even in my sleep.  If... hmm... they were fond memories, roughly, of when I was far younger and still, at least mostly, healthy.  Walks around some small town, a city center or two, where they had a roofed but open raised circular porch type thing?  There is a name for it, it just isn't coming.  Where bands would play.

I remembered, in the dream, bands playing.  But there wasn't one that evening.  I would guess later spring, but still cool.  Walking around, window shopping, back when that was possible.  A slower pace, a slower time.  Back when it was about getting a man and woman together, for a family.  There wasn't anything else, to my knowledge.  Freaks were kept hidden.  Nobody knew, or cared.  It was a good time.  Even I had regained some semblance of normalcy.  Had my eye on a girl or three.  Wanted them all, and none of them, as is always the case?  I think so.

Well, there was more.  It started to roll, as I was thinking about it.

It is already down to 57 outside.  I think it got up to 80?  78 certainly, probably higher to get it to 77 upstairs.  Strange to think, finally, for the most part, I consider 80 on the cool side.  The highest temp in the house is 73, the lowest is 70.  I opened the front door, but am not turning the fan on for now.

All I really want to do, tonight, is get trash and recycling out, then to the curb.  And get a shower.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I have things to do, will try to work this week through.  Boxes, then this room down to the brass nubs.  Is that how they termed it?  It... works, for here and now.  The kitchen is staying up.  But the oven could be hit, and more clearing could take place.  But, mainly this week, it is burning down this room, cleaning walls to floor, clearing out, taking apart.  We will see if I can stick to it, and do it.

On to looking around the net.  Maybe something of interest is occurring or being discussed.  Though, most likely, it's just the usual misinformation and enemy thoughtstreams being sent out.  If you understand what you are seeing, you can make sense of what is being said.  Sometimes it is much more informative as disinformation that it ever would be as legitimate news.  What newsman have found, and why they have completely sold out?  Is because they realized they were horrible about finding and sending out information.  Nearly criminally negligent at their best.  So, why try?  Good question.  Which is why I don't listen or read the main stream stuff.  I look for more hedged bet stuff, side issues, contrarian news.  Which as similar to mainstream news... it is propaganda too.  But, sometimes, the enemy is closer to the truth about my home government and it's idiot allies these days.

If you don't read the news, you are ignorant.  If you do read the news, you are misinformed.  That was Clemens, Mark Twain, and a long time ago.  He was a bitter pill.  Wouldn't have been published without the effort of his wife.  Political correctness, and soft social sensibilities were even invading our world back then.  If black pills can... leave even the thirsty a bit dry.  To... coin a phrase I think even he might have enjoyed, and hated too.  I always felt a sort of kinship with the man, the good, the bad, and his ugly sides.  Been there, done some of it.  Lost it all too.  But... kept on playing to the final hand, win, lose, or draw.  Check.

Have a good evening, night, morning, or day.  But, whatever else you do?  Get off my porch!  *grins*  I just... love saying that.  Later.

Cool, but warming.

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Warming outside that is.  At 78, at 13:13, it is still ten to even twenty off where it was, before the smoke appeared.  Yes, it's still here.  I am not complaining, just noting.  The cooler weather, early, is throwing me off my game a bit.  Still, trying to regain the day, and doing so.  Not moving fast, or doing much, but in a bit of a weather crunch.  If it changes too fast, I will end up hitting the dirt.  Eventually, permanently.

Indoors, it is 70/71/72, the warmest near the machine.  I have the upstairs still open, with fans.  Last I checked it was 67/68, cooler where I sleep, oddly.  Humidity is pretty low in here, too.

I would like to stay up a bit longer.  I don't think I will.  I don't think I can.  Goodnight.  I'll say a solid prayer.  I think I have missed some evenings.  Though I do pray in the day.  And, really, I am always praying... in a connected way.  Even when I sin, I... keep God closer actually.  But, mostly I'm not sinning.  Even so, I keep an open channel.  Always.  Odd how that can, not always, but sometimes, change my mind.

Yes, goodnight.

Down to 36, last I saw?

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Yes, but now?  At 8:06, mountain, it is to 42?  Wow.  Cool nights of late.  Though, really, it is artificially lowered, from smoke... blocking the sun.

Not much happening.  I have just been gaming.  Will try to stay up into the afternoon again.  I wasn't sure that was going to be possible, but it has started warming.  It is up to 73 in here, near the computer.

I keep trying the rembrandt gouda.  Of course, but I mean with intention.  To compare it to the other cheeses.  I have finally decided.  It is an 8.0, the other is an 8.5.  And, I do remember having something closer to a 9.0.  Why?  It was saltier (had salt crystals) more than the rembrandt, but less than the vintage.  And less hard than the vintage (12 and 36 month aging).  So, anywhere from 18 to probably 24 months, there is a gouda in there that is... still softer than the older, but much saltier than the young.  I'll bet the company still has it, but I'd have to go through many orders.  Still, I might.  Though it might not be listed as a gouda.

Oh, and I did look up gruyere, at my favored cheese place.  They have several, and they were all $12 or less?  If it remains true, I may try some next month.  And some gorgonzola.  Someone keeps driving my hunger, and curiosity, for cheese to new levels.  Oh, and I may get more of the three milk type gouda.  That is... a very fine fresher cheese, and rather inexpensive.

Ah, I do remember.

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Down around 16:00.  Not sure if I tiptoed over the line, or was stopped just short, but that is close enough.  Awake around 23:30.  This time, with double layers, top and bottom.  No socks today, or yet.  But if these aren't enough, or are too much?  I may either simply add socks, or warm socks, or replace the longjohns with socks, or warm socks.  Upstairs, with just two windows open and two fans going on low, it was 66/68.  Down here it is 71 main, 72 in the main of this front room, and 73 near the machine.  With windows only cracked, and no fans.

While the temp is fine, with the extra layers, I may open the front door a wee, and turn on the fan.  I like fresh air.  I have begun to suspect why.  I haven't been keeping all the p-traps and else moist.  I do wonder about... backup.  So, I am going to begin sorting those things.  Not sure it has any real impact, but it may.  It doesn't go to city sewer, it goes to a septic tank.  That... may or may not be a help for these sorts of things?  I may also see about having the septic tank inspected before winter hits?  And... talk up the man, asking him... about this system.  He can't tell me everything, but he can tell me some things.  And any care or maintenance issues.

I asked my brother if they store any food.  Not a bit.  Just what they eat.  I talked about rising food prices, scarcity.  It has never crossed his mind to worry.  At least he has a firearm, and knows how to use it.  But, as with gold, bullets cannot be eaten.  Nor, for a mostly honest man, will they provide food, water, or any other resource when competing with those who already thieve and murder for a living.  If you live like the cricket, not the ant, don't think the ant will just give.  Probably can't just give, and survive.  I didn't argue the point, I just asked.  He has... real concerns.  Busy saving the world, one Biden vote at a time.

I don't have... enough.  I don't have the things I want, or necessarily like.  But I have what I can afford, in dollars and labor.  But, just enough for me, and maybe, if we go hungry a bit, a second person.  For... three to six months?  Still trying to add a bit more, but...  It's so difficult.  A bit more, as I go?  As I can.  But, yeah.  I couldn't help him.  Can barely help myself.  Won't push, or such.  Just... asking.  I'll pray, for all of us.

On that note, I actually ordered more wheat.  Just... a bit.  Not sure what I ordered would last a year, for just myself.  But it might, on light enough duty.  Of course, I still don't have a manual grinder.  Bleh.  But... I... do have wheat.  Could trade some for the grinding?  Or something else?  No one will have everything.  It will be hand to mouth, give and take.  May already be beyond more than preparing for the hard landing.  So... I do.

Well, on to something... or nothing.  But, I am warm.  Warm enough for some fresh, outside, cool air.  Oh, it is right at 50, outside, currently, if I didn't mention.  Pleasant, really.  I just... some fresh air.  Soon enough I will have to shutter the house for the winter.  But, I am hoping to have a few rooms cleared and cleaned before I go into that dark season.  To freshness can last a bit.  Pray for me to be able to do some of this.  Down to the nitty gritty musty.  If you kindly would.  As for return prayers?  You are in them every night, often by name, if not by... some other way.  I've probably got you beat.  Fool, or wise one, old or young or even middlings, healthy ill.  And you, your sister, your wife, and a few others quite by name.  My prayers get... long.  As well, when I learn of your concerns.  But, it's... not about that.  :p

Good evening, morning, day maybe?  A good night, if not goodnight, too?