Something feels really bad.

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In some ways, it isn't unusual.  In other ways... I am... a bit concerned.  A goodly dose of aspirin, and medicines.  A night of sleep.  It hurts, solidly, where it could be a bad thing.  Stress.  Too many... things... bills... critters... people... lack of communication... out of money.  Alone in the world.  Don't... fret.  Or even bother with sympathy.  I'm just... explaining, figuring, what the problems are.  

Solutions?  Time and some changes in behavior.  I can cut some things, but there... really isn't that much extra to cut.  I can try to slow a few things down.  No more extra food for a while, or other stocking up.  Until, at least, I catch up.  Just put it into getting birds and rabbits in and readied for winter.  More bird feed, an extra storage container, and getting the cages up.  That and groceries.  Simple groceries.  Going back to light and humble eating.

A day of rest tomorrow.  Perhaps, if I can, another shower.  As well, if so, putting the last of the dishes to soak.  And putting the dried pots and pans away.  That should be easy.  As well, maybe a bit of work on a few side panels, for the rabbit cage.  I'll have to use the 2x4's, plywood, and of course some of the caging.  I need four three foot by three foot cage panels, two similar sized interior plywood separators, a six foot by six foot plywood back panel, and then a lid of some sort.  IF I have enough wood, I would like to make a few interior "second stories", to make a lot of room for little ones and possibly aunts... any keepers.

As to legs?  I have other wood I can use for that, if there isn't enough 2x4 material.  And, if the shelving is solid enough, I may not need any legs for some of the cages.  Perhaps none of them... will look more closely tomorrow, since I don't have quite the time problem... I can... think these things out, measure three or four times... think before cutting, nailing, backing myself into one corner or another.  Mistakes WILL be made.  Most mistakes are survivable.  Not all.  Caution.

Still, it really hurts.  Perhaps, with a little extra time, that will ease... especially if I can begin catching up.  I'm in a spooky place, for a thousand and one reasons... still have to register one vehicle, get another inspected, and then finish it's registration, figure out a lawyer for ssd, and... and... everything with the rabbits and potentially new ducks.  Yea.  Too much.  Later.

Nothing, but I did go anyway.

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I wasn't able to work today.  Just... couldn't.  But I did drive to at least pay for the rabbits, and ask for a hold on picking them up.  No one was home.  I took a spin and came back later.  Nope.  So... I'm having a friend text that I was there, resetting for next weekend... which buys me time, and checking about possibly one of those electronic pay things.  I don't have access, but a friend may.

That... maybe... buys me some time.  I am so tired, beat, feeling rough.  No matter, I will use the time and get it done!!!  I don't know how, I don't care.  I feel horrible, but I have things to do.  Ugh.

I best feed the girls and close the ducks in.  Hmm, I'll need a few pails for water?  No, I bought a few recently.  I wanted them for other things, but... I can't be picky at the moment.  Buckets to cart water out for the rabbits, and perhaps other ducks, in the other coop or hutch.  That is going to be the worse part of it.  Then again, I'll water all the ducks together.  All I need to do is carry out fresh water bottles, summer and winter, twice a day... for the rabbits... while refreshing the water for the ducks twice a day as well.  A bit more work, but not too much more.

Anyway... best tend the critters at hand, now.  Later.

Another week?

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I may have to ask for another week on the rabbits, and until the first on the ducks.  I just... can't get to it.  I will go there, and speak to them in person.  Feed, extra for that, of course.  If not, I am just out.  I... have to understand.  I simply can't get to it, or fast enough, and have nowhere for the rabbits!  I... a week... I should be able to finish the cages in a week.

I do plan to get out yet today.  I got a shower in.  Fed the ducks and cats, and etc.  I haven't eaten, can't get to it.  It's a tough day, for me.  Doing anything is difficult.  So very tired.

I did heat the house, up to 72.  Trying to push things, using the methods which can work.  I do have long johns, double socks, etc.  It just doesn't matter.  Tire, exhausted, can't... figure things out.  I... will try.

Later.

Up a bit earlier.

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.

Not moving quickly.  Almost up even earlier.  Still, there is hope for the day.

I woke a bit sore of back, from stopping while working at least.  Not terribly sore, just... cranky.  What I thought, as I bumped it through the night, was a sliver of skin from a cut ended up being a splinter.  Actually, thankfully.  Can't do much about skin slivers, can pull a splinter.  Did.  Much better.  I have a slice on the other hand, from a steel tape measure.  The sure are sharp.  Tired, too.

Good though.  I need to brush the teeth, shower, then get back to work.  I can't put the thing together, then move it in.  The doors are too small.  I... knew that, but... there is always hope, if short lived.  Of course, this will ensure a fit.  A right fit of the cages.  I'd hate to build something, only to have it not fit in the given, or any, space.  Money is too short to make mistakes.  And time is at a premium, so even if I could fix it, the time would be harsh.

The bad thing is, it is cloudy.  Working in the shed, without electricity, thus lighting, will be more difficult.  I do have a flashlight and lantern, both battery driven, if it is too dark otherwise.  But those are very limiting.  As well?  Getting the air compressor out there.  Ugh...  I can rough fit things, see what I can construct outdoors and get in, but much of the final fitting may simply have to be hand nailed.  It will be tricky, but it's... the way it goes.

I was up by 9:30, it just turned 11:00.  I just... can't get going.  I suppose this is it though.  A shower first, then... on to it.  Later.

------------

Ah,  the problem?  Cold.  I... just realized.  Even dressed warmer, I am absolutely freezing.  I'll get a shower, add long johns, a warm undershirt, plus an extra shirt... see if some better layering will help.  Freezing, but it isn't really that cold, just at cool.  I'll work on it.  Now to shower.  Later.

Not the best.

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.

A bit tired.  Too tired.  Can't sleep, have to come down a bit.  It isn't that I did too much work, it is that the work I did was out of my capacity at the moment.  Searching for things, setting things up, pushing this, pulling that, it all added up.  I should figure out something to eat, then take a shower.  A shower might help a good deal.

I have more to do.  As early as I can, getting back to the cages.  As well, for the shelving to possibly be useful, I will need to remove old wood stacked on them.  Plywood, to old 2x4s.  I'm not sure the wood is any good, and it's all pieces.  So, at least for now, just setting it aside so as to get other parts put in.  There is a chance I can get a few cages arranged tomorrow, before or after the rabbits arrive.  The ducks will do fine, as is.  Though if they are too small, I may give them a place to grow a bit before adding them in.

I am considering putting some of the ducks in one of the other buildings.  The breeds are naturally parting ways, so it shouldn't be too difficult.  I hate moving the senior ducks, but that is most likely what I will do.  If... they will go for it.  Ugh.  I'll see.  But the ducks would do fine in with a the rabbits.  Whichever group goes out with the ducks, it will be complicated getting them to do it.  I will have to lock them in for a while.  But getting in to feed, water, and otherwise tend, without letting them out, is tricky.  Hmm... could create an inner caged area, just allowing a cage vestibule of sorts...  A double door they can't exit.  Yea, maybe.

So tired.  Hungry.  Need a shower.  Later.

Double ugh!

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I did get to it, finally.  With all the tools and mats, but so late.  And... it always takes longer than one would imagine by vast amounts.  I got to work around 17:00, and was out of light by the time I constructed the two bases for the bigger cages.  I am running out of wood very quickly.  At least 2x2s and 2x4s.  I do have plywood, cage material, nails and else.  And, after reviewing the outbuildings, there are shelves.  How useful is another question.

Still, with the shelving, I have a good chance not needing to build legs.  And they seem, some of them, to be the right size.  I would like to have them all in one building.  Perhaps using the other building for other birds, in time.  Chickens?  Turkeys?  I don't think I save money, but I will say the quality will be much higher.  Plus, without being able to do real work?  This gives me a way to serve, and do, and almost earn a bit of my way.

The does are mostly sisters.  And are currently living together.  If I can get four cages, I could keep those together, keep the males in their own cage, plus have room for the seasoned doe... as she is probably used to having her own place.  Then, this coming month, figure out a few more cages.  Those can be smaller.  And, these cages should easily handle a kindle, perhaps more... if I want to keep a few aunts?  Depends on personalities?  Maybe that doesn't work, save with very young ones?  I have much to learn.

Boss showed.  Not needing the chainsaw for now.  Good thing, I was going to have to try to use the circular saw with a rather weak battery.  I did have the batteries charged though, and everything nearly ready to go.  I am hoping to get him to go with to pick up the rabbits and a few more muscovy hens.  I still don't have a phone, so... getting there would be a bit tricky.  Could look it up, and write instructions the old way, but my eyes are getting old and my writing is... well... about as bad these days.  Still, I've... found my way through all sorts of things.

Rather tired, sore, rough.  Aspirin as I go to bed.  I may have forgotten meds.  Too much to do, too little time, energy, focus.  I forgot much, actually.  Bleh.  I'll... get a few last things done, shower, then hit bed to try to be up early tomorrow... work on the cage a bit, off and on, and just doing what is possible elsewise.  I figure I'll head out to pick up the rabbits and birds sometime in the earlier afternoon.  It gets dark around here fast, these days, and I don't won't to try to find my way with a scribbled note in the dark.  Later.

Alright?

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.

Power cord arrived.  Got everything up and ready and... no sawhorses.  This time, however, I knew where they would be for certain.  No problem.  A short drive and back again, by.... Doom.  I had to empty the car.  Would have had to anyway.  Food, water dispensers, materials, and... timothy hay...  It had to be removed.  So, I have everything I can have, at the moment.  Probably.  Gah!

I set up the saw horses, and went to grab 2x4s.  But there were a bunch of 2x2s!  As well as the 2x4s.  That will... really help.  That doubles my functional board length.  It won't be as strong as 2x4s, but I don't need that.  I am really hoping to get six cages out of this.  I do believe I will build side by side cages, in pairs, as units.  So, six total cages, but in three double units.  And, I will build the gents cages last, as they are smaller and need much less room.  They won't have kits, and are smaller in any case.

I need a break though.  I am wearing out fast.  Harshly.  So tired.  Yet, work to do.  I'll... do what I can.  Oh, I best have my poor besotted Boss text about the address, and how much is left owed on the rabbits.  I have an idea of where we went, but it's been too long, and I still don't have a phone.  So... yea.  A messy long couple of months.  The hope is that it will pay off in the long run.  At least I am used to checking on critters at least twice a day.  A few more critters won't be all that bad.  Yea...

All good, but I do need a bit of a rest.  In part from fear.  Fear of what?  Of not getting done, of not having enough supplies, of missing something, or not missing a wrong thing, of... when I get tired, everything that could go wrong, or right and then wrong, or right then right then wrong, or...  It... all gangs up.  A rest, then to it.  Hopefully I can hit it hard.  Oh... best find tin snips before... gah!  Those should be hereabouts though.  Almost certain.  Later.

Moving slow.

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Troubles, too.  First, finding batteries, for the cordless tools.  I have, over the morning and early afternoon, found three of what should be five.  Scattered or... some 'lost'?  A 6ah 60/20 flex is still missing, and a smaller... 4 or 3 ah 20v battery.  I have enough for now.  Battery charger then had to be found.  Now I can't find the one power cord that could run the air compressor.  It isn't in the hall, drawers, cupborard, or boxes... or outside.  I only have one that can deliver that much juice that far.  I have sent an email, to see if someone borrowed that.

I can get to cutting.  Not sure I have enough wood.  I'll do what I can.  I have enough 'fencing' type material, it's just whether there are enough 2x4's.  If it works well, I can skip the back legs, and just create a mild shelf, plus front legs.  As well, it is possible I have other sorts of wood for legs, if need be.  But putting the things together, while possible by hand, would be a real pain.  Mostly hand stapling the screening in.  Oh, I've got a stapler.  But only one hand could do it, and it wouldn't hold out very long.

Wearing out just trying to find stuff, running in circles.  Getting there.  Will see what I can get to.  It'll be a hobbled project.  Temporary.  I'll tell you, before I even think of buying rabbits again... and yes, I am thinking of trying another breed, I will have the cages together beforehand.  It seems, on schedules, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.  No, cages, then order the rabbits, and money up front.  Ugh.

I best get out to it.  Perhaps some cutting, and some attempts at planning as I go.  Later.

Cages.

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Rabbit cages.  Six of them.  Perhaps two level?  Perhaps some or all.  Why?  For kindling, to give mom and kits more space.  Wire and 2x4, hopefully I have enough.  If not, tomorrow I will have to get more.  Plywood  too?  Yea, but I think I have enough wire caging of two sorts, plywood, and else.  Will find out shortly.  May need a few other bits of hardware, hings, handles, and such.  Always something else.

I borrowed  several pneumatic nailer types, and a stapler.  Hand doing that is easy enough, but takes longer and is a bit more work at the end of the day.  Part of the thing is to make sure the cages fit within, and can pass into, the hutches out there for them.  Thankfully I do have indoor places for them, as long as I can fit the things in.  No doors, actually, on the cages.  I'll just have lift tops.  For now, I can put weights on top, which will keep critters in, and out.  

I slept very hard last night.  Had trouble waking this morning.  I had the alarms set for 08:00, and 10:00.  I don't remember what happened around the eight alarm... a snooze or two? just turned it off? didn't even hear it?  But the ten alarm... I heard it. I snoozed once, twice?  Then turned it off.  One, or both, of the girls were having none of that.  And, if gently, nicely really, brought me about.  I do love my girls, even when they go against my mechanical will.  They... sometimes... know when I need to be awake.  Hmm, maybe I should marry THEM!  :p

I need something to eat, first off.  Food.  I have the last packet of hamburgers.  They have held up well.  Something with them, then a quick shower?  Yea.  Then dishes in, and out to the back, to get started on the hutch.  Oh, ducks out.  I'm running late again.  The girls, muscovy girls, get out anyway.  But the others have to be let out.  They aren't eating as much.  Fully grown, I would guess.  

The whole of them only eat three cups of grain, whereas the three originals would take about two cups.  Then again, they didn't always finish their two cups, if they don't finish their three cups now.  Foraging... lots of it, especially the muscovys.  If I think they have taught the indian runners to forage a great deal more?  I... really think so.  Winter will change that.  Nothing to forage.

I'll... get to it.  Food, and setting on fresh tea.  If a fatted coffee, hopefully, first.  And maybe an extra one with breakfast.  If I can get it down.  Fatted drinks are heavy... filling... in the oddest way.  Can still eat, but not more fat?  Limits, though of fluid, fat, or a bit of both?  Later.

A few successes.

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So far.  A shower, in time to make it to the post.  I needed to make it in time to get my packages.  They were in a locker this time!  So, easy peazy.  Then a bit of a break.  I am tired.  Worn.  Still a bit damaged.  Still, a short break.  Then on to town.  Trying to get what was needed for cages.  Simple stuff for now, hoping it will work.

Between this and that, I had enough, and enough to... make it through the month?  Probably.  Well, and buy what was needed for creating cages.  I hope.  Plus, food, water options, and various other items.  I am set, for the most part, as far as I can tell.  Other than putting the cages together.  That will be a lot of work.  And I have one day to do it.

I should have enough materials, mostly.  Plywood, for partitions, for now.  Caging for the bottom, different but less expensive stuff for the sides and top.  Platters for their feet.  Feed, timothy hay, and... yeah... not treats or chew toys, for now.  No nesting boxes, but those can be made from some of the screening and plywood.  I am excited.  And a bit nervous.  It's a lot of work, even if it isn't hard work.  And it will be made on the fly.  I just hope it works out.

I might, later in the month, be able to purchase a chopping axe.  Or next month.  But not spikes, either way.  I have looked at several, online.  Will call around too.  I'd like a bigger sledge hammer, twelve, perhaps a sixteen pounder too.  Good to have in any case.  I will have to really check prices closely.  The world is an expensive, becoming more expensive, place to live.  I am excited to begin chopping.  Firewood.  Nothing fancy, just a bit of exercise each day?  That's the idea.

I am hoping to borrow a few tools.  I lend out tools, so don't mind asking from time to time.  And, perhaps, asking for some help with the work.  I'll split out meat, was planning to anyway.  This would be like paying it forward for a future intended paying it forward.  Gotta help with the butchering, but free meat otherwise is... good.  I hope to get another six rabbits later, if a different variety.  To compare.  If I end up not liking them, or the ones I have?  No loss.  Dinner.

So tired.  But I did well.  Some gaming.  Changing cat litter.  The ducks and girls are fed and watered, so...  Hmm, perhaps something to eat, too?  Maybe.  Hungry?  Yes and... no.  So odd.  Good evening.  Later.

A very good sleep.

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Didn't do much yesterday.  Couldn't, really.  Still, it wasn't a painful day.  And, I got to bed earlier if not as early as hoped... 01:20 I think, exactly.  And, I slept quickly and very well.  I set the alarm for 10:00, and it, eventually got me up.  Several snoozes later, anyway, plus Sam up there, voting for cat food.  About to begin the day at 10:50.  Late, but... doable.

A shower first thing, brushing teeth, no time to shave.  Oh, but ducks out first, and cats fed as I am heading to the shower.  Then, a very small break and drying off period as I... make plans.  Time is so strange.  But it is what we have, for the moment.  If health wasn't an issue?  No... it would still be a problem.  Gravity, energy, how many demands can be added over time by everyone and his mom, father, aunt, boss, cousins, bosses... yea.  The limits are many, the payouts few, and healing and recharging... yea.

Still, all good.  I'll... use what I have left, as I am able.  Later.

Not moving quickly.

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Moving.  As mentioned, not fast.  The girls have been fed.  A bite was heated and eaten.  A bit of blogging, a bit of gaming.  The girls treated, ducks looked out on.  Very small things.  Almost things just to say I did something, anything... attempting to avoid slipping back into the rut of nothingness.  A shower is on the mind, and a shave.  Trimmed yesterday before the shower.  A shave after a shower today would be perfect.  Then dishes in, and the dry away.  Yes.

I am pretty sure the plan will happen.  Not sure when it will start.  Had hoped to get to the post office today, but that wasn't possible as I didn't wake until well after it was closed.  Not his fault, just the reality of the economy.  What would happen if all small towns closed?  Either they would have to deliver, or people would have to pick up our mail at larger hubs... in the more local bigger cities... which... would become a mess very quickly.  This is as good at that will ever be again.

Oh, right, I had a bad bloody nose from shortly after working last night, outside, with the wood, until waking this morning.  I kept trying to pull the plug, but every time I did...  It was a gusher, if let go.  Had to block it all night and through the morning, until I woke.  I must have... pushed, or broke through, or opened, and unlocked... something... somethings?  Better now.

Blood sugar was a little high at waking, but that was expected.  I ate wrongly, yesterday.  It happens.  Not too much higher than the recent norm, if the recent norm has been higher than it should be.  Bleh.  I'll keep at it.  Once I get through half a dozen more projects, I can... rest... for a while.  I need rest.  Not doing much, haven't been, but am pushing to do things.  Getting nowhere doesn't mean doing nothing, actually.  Pushing on an unmovable object can be a lot of work.  Has been, maybe will be.  Later.

Awake, finally.

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I started to wake sometime around 13:30.  It was 14:00 before I got downstairs, maybe a little after, but I sorted clothing that had been done this week.  Folding towels, sorting by underwear, shirts, pants and shorts, and towels... folding the bathing towels.  I found the clothespins I had thought, initially, lost... but then realized were probably put in a basket, with the clothes, then never removed.  Right.

I woke without a pain, and very rested.  Pain arrived after just a bit of the clothes.  All good.  It is relatively mild.  But, either way, well earned rather than just recovery.  Aspirin, with medicine, first thing.  Well, among the first things.  I got the ducks food and water going first thing, cats will be next, oh and fresh tea was set.  First thing is... an idea, an singular action, or a period of time allowing for various actions, and more... I am using the latter delineated definition.  In that case, feeding the cats will be a first thing... uhrm, right... after all the rest and blogging.  I needed to sit.

Oh, and ready for a shower!  A shower, then the dishes in.  As well, putting away the dishes which have been air finish drying overnight... or... really, through the day.  I didn't finish and get to bed until nearly six.  But, damn it, I finished what I said I would... what I have been working toward for weeks!  And, today, I will complete the last of it, so I can do more, in other areas and parts of those areas.  Perhaps even today.

I won't get to town, as I had hoped.  Way too late.  But I will get there soon.  I will try to sleep early tonight.  Get up early tomorrow, and... begin a new life.  Washing off as much of the pain, confusion, and fog of mind as possible.  Getting to it, doing it...  I can, now.  Having a little help often ends up a lot of help, unless I way overdo with those helping.  Ugh.  Or hurt myself.  Or both those last.  Meh.

On to some tea, a small serving of fried sausages, and my day.  Good morning, afternoon, and day.

Yea, well...

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Lost in thought?  No.  Just... lost in time.

I forgot why I was still awake.  Heck, I forgot that I was awake!  Yes, you can do that.  Or, I can.

I realized, just a bit ago, that I was awake and why.  I... really didn't want to finish and dry the pots and pans, and utensils.  I had to hit it all with hot water, so it would dry better.  And I had a few pots and colander to wash, rinse, and then dry.  So be it.  I got to it.  Had to get dish towels down from upstairs first.  Done, done, done... all done.

Now I can take a shower in the morning... whatever passes for a morning.  I have batteries to gather and charge.  Ugh... the ducks won't get out until late, won't be out long.  Bleh.  But... so much done.  Something always has to give for other things to get.  There is no free lunch, no easy road, no double duty... not these days.  Never was, really.  Someone else just had to... take care of what else was left behind.  Have no doubt.  Some are just able to do things others can't, so the ones who can't get to do what the ones who can would have done, or serve them so that they may serve better.  The truth.

I did get aspirin in.  Took medicine and insulin.  Pains and aches have become milder, but are far from gone... just on the edge of flaring.  If I can sleep well, and get there quickly, life might just make it.  The left hand is fully back to it's swollen state.  This too shall pass.  Ugh, but an ugly if successful day.  Does it always require blood?  Yes, if it is good.  Good night, and morning.  

I almost forgot...

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Late.  Very late.  Almost 02:00.  Still, dishes.  I said I would.  I had them set up, so it was just a matter of washing, then rinsing.  Most of them.  One pot needed another wash.  Burned.  Yea, memory, getting old, not able to stay aware.  Anyway...  I got to them.  Most are rinsing.  In about an hour and and half, back to it.  I will just wash, then immediate rinse and dry, the pot that is soaping.

Tired?  Beyond reason.  But, I want dishes done, and I want another shower in the morning.  Lord knows how good a shower is after... a while.  Two in a row though?  Yeah.  And, probably, now that the dam has been broken, the rest of the dishes today, and showers through the week.  Very very good.  And, probably, I will keep up on dishes and shower three to six times a week for the rest of the month.

Headache is returning.  It is skeletal, wholly.  I'll take a handful of aspirin shortly.  Hopefully so sleep won't be a difficult thing.  Just a bit of work and I get what's coming.  Pow, Alice?  I always thought being mooned would... be better?  Oh yea.  I didn't even think I did much.  Some, but... not much.  I fell pretty quickly.  Meh.

I think I'll play more of the new game.  It's about all I can do... if I can even do that.  Oh, best go up.  I think most of the clean towels are in the clean laundry.  Good night.

Helpers.

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Local lads, with some of the men, visited and got to work.  I... had to rush a shower.  Then I helped as I could.  At least I wasn't in the way.  Didn't do much, did what I could.  That was a lot of wood folks.  Some of it stacked, some of it cut to chopping piece sizes, much of the branches gone.  A lot of work.  I didn't have much.  I did have candy bars for Halloween.  I offered a box out, with several per and enough for the adults if they wished.  It's... all I had.

Now to get an splitting axe.  Perhaps a sledge and wedges, for those tough ones.  A few a day, at most... when I can get to that, even.  There are bits left, but... 70%, plus, of what needed to go... 80%? has been taken.  Quite the task.  But, it's... it got done.  The last bits should be easy enough.  I'll... assess fully in the morning.  I wasn't ready, but the... adrenaline does it.  Fear?  Not... just fear.  Shame.  That I couldn't do it myself.  Shame, yes.  It... drove me.  Not far, but to a bit.

Bunnies, this Friday or Saturday, like it or not.  I have to get cages set up.  Ugh.  The world is collapsing and I can barely stand!  I'll... figure things out.  Parts, and pieces.  While looking over the yard tomorrow, I will assess wood and other assets.  Six cages, roughly three by three by three or four, somehow elevated to about my waist height if possible... with doors, feed and water systems, and open enough to poop through... without hurting their paws.  Ugh.  Yeah.

I am, now that things have been broken through a bit, going to try to do some of the dishes tonight.  I'll put some of them in right after posting this, but not all.  Just enough that I am sure I can wash, rinse, dry, and set to air dry through the night.  About a third of them.  Maybe half.  I want the shower open tomorrow, for another run.  I... so needed the shower.  I'll... get this part done.

Tomorrow?  I... don't know.  We will see.  The rest of the dishes almost certainly.  Then some business?  It looks like FedEx is dumping some or all of the orders to the post office.  Lazy lying bastards never stopped at my home.  The post office should charge them, enough to offer us a bonus since they aren't delivering in small towns, and aren't open all day.  Charge em' fifty, give us twenty.  Cool.  Liars.

Hmm?  Well... yes, grumpy.  Still, doing better.  Even the left hand didn't get too abused, at a good pace and heavy work for an half hour?  Or so.  Yea.  Oh... blood sugar was down to 80, last I checked.  Very odd.  Two meals and a fatted coffee, with only a single dose... if a medium... my new large actually, of 25 ccs... what with a  225 fasting to contend with, and meals on the way.  I should check it again...  114 after three hours and a little work.  Later.

Better.

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Oh, everything still hurts.  It is all mellowed a few stages.  From a roaring scream to a lot of heavy chatter.  Not able to work, quite yet.  Hoping that will arrive by this afternoon.  Or... urhm... later this afternoon.  Pain isn't the whole of the problem, just a part of it.  Not even a majority of it.  More one of several obstacles.  The pains might be exacerbating the other problems, but... it's... odd how it works.

I did note, today is the first day I have been able to use my left hand fully.  The swelling is gone, the first time I woke up without it swollen enough that I couldn't fully use it to grip as completely as the hand is usually able.  Swelling may yet come and go, especially if I use it much.  The skin on top of the hand is still painful, sometimes.  Thankfully, I wore gloves that day.  But, the hand is back to nearly full use.  Still other hurts and pains in there, but... as long as I can use it, piss on it.  Pain isn't my... problem.  Or... always.

FedEx said they visited to deliver the sheets today.  I was right here, not ten feet from the door.  I guarantee they didn't knock or ring the doorbell.  I am guessing they are going to lie their asses off to their boss, then just dump it on the post office, or send it back.  I can't believe the people they hire for this work.  Can't get any former UPS workers?  Either they obtain poor workers, or have really poor oversight, or some anti-worker running their programs.  It's like they don't even try.  Or do, but their effort isn't to deliver, it is to just hire jokers.  Which... apparently... they do.  Lying jokers.  So, it looks like I  wont' be receiving the sheets.  Oh well.  I'll have to try to purchase from a company that doesn't use a shit-for-brains delivery company.

Well?  Well...  I don't know.  More aspirin won't help.  Besides, it won't be available for a few hours.  I am careful about dosing, as much as I take.  I can't sleep, I can't work.  Not sure I can play.  Bleh.  Later.

Pain.

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Not the worst I have had, even of late.  Pretty potent though.  Skeletal and muscular from the shoulders up, typical innards, ribs, and musculature midsection, plus a pretty stout headache.  Just a regular headache, but a pretty potent one.  I set up bedding to be warm, finally, last night.  Sleep has been off because of the haphazard way I have been letting my bedding be.  I fixed it.

The thing is, sleeping warm, I think I finally slept exceptionally well.  Which means I didn't rock and roll as often as needed.  Oh well, I am about to change pillows out, with new ones, now that I have pillow cases purchased, washed, and ready.  I'll even double the cases, so as to keep the new pillows newer for longer.  Assuming these new pillows are any good.  Never can tell until I've slept on them for a while.

Down around two.  I didn't eat, and dose, should have.  I did take the slow acting insulin, but without food, I wasn't willing to take anything else.  Blood sugar is 225 this morning, fasting.   I'll have a bit and a medium dose before too long.  I am hoping the aspirin I took nearly first thing begins to help.  The pain is fairly severe.  I'll just pass it to those in purgatory.  Believe me, they need it and want it.  I am becoming convinced, without outside... earthly... help... there is no escape from purgatory.  I pray for those I know, offer my suffering should they be there, and offer any excess to any poor unnamed soul.  I do.  I really do.  It... almost makes me glad I have suffering to offer.

I won't be doing much if I can't escape the pain.  Probably a meal, in an attempt to break the spell.  If that doesn't work, probably back to bed.  I did end up staying up later, if I wasn't able to do the dishes, or really anything else.  I... kept... pushing, from the inside, getting nowhere.  At least I didn't stay up until five or eight, or even later.  Insomnia can grab me by the throat and drag me through days if I am not careful.

Hmm... if all else fails, I may, as I go upstairs to sleep, begin memorizing a few prayers.  I should write the fifteen steps to humility, and the Eucharistic prayer from the other day.  Those were... very very good.  Humility is my weakspot, Eucharist a greater part of the answer, but the regular will to other than self is the other part.  Difficult when, sometimes, that is all there seems to be.  Stations of life have... meanings too.  A child, the elderly, and the nearly dead, all have limits to beyond self.  Limits to cognition, will, and other things.  It's... just the way of it.

Later.  Hope your day is good.  If not, do what you can, say a little prayer, and do as you may.  Amen.

Well? Nothing doing, again.

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Mostly.  I did get the trash out, and to the curb.  And the recycling out to the bin.  So... there was that.  And I woke early to do it.  After that?  I couldn't get to much.  I did eat, so it wasn't that.  Medicine went in, of both sorts.  Blood sugar got down to 80.  I had a meal, two, and a fatted coffee.  As I go to bed, if before slow acting, blood sugar is up to 170?  Stupid... &()&)(_@%#!  Gah!

Oh, something I have been snacking on, almost to excess... definitely to excess... has been pork rinds of various sorts and flavors.  WAY too much.  It is a fantastic keto snack.  It is tasty, and generally I am finding 0 carb types.  However, it is akin to eating pumice stone.  What do I mean?  Well... it... rubs wrongly in all the worst places.  As chilis which go down okay, but come out rough?  Right.  Right!  Oh my word, eat in excess with caution.  Just... saying.

No, haven't touched the candy.  Won't.  Having that stuff around IS dangerous.  Still, if I don't have it in advance, I won't get it at the end of the month.  Actually, the 31st falls on a Saturday, so... I would be paid that Friday?  Maybe.  Hard to tell, the way things have been going lately.  Better to have, and not worry.  Plus, if I eat one, I'll... eat many.  Addictions...  Same with booze, if I could still drink that is.

Yes, I tried a mixer about four to six months ago.  It... didn't do a thing for me.  So... I tried a MIXER.  Nada, nothing, zip, zilch.  I had about twelve to fourteen shots, total, in... say... two quarts... with filler... sweetened tea... keto sweetener.  It was like I was tone deaf to the hooch... vodka.  I wasn't feeling the best though, so went on to bed.  Woke with a hell of a hangover.  Never even got the tiniest of buzzes.  Well, that is that for that... Odd thing is, I can't taste sugar so much either.  And, yet, candy bars sort of taste good... but it's a chemical reaction, not a flavor.  Compared to my keto sweetener, sugar is quite weak.  No, it is the carb reaction, not the sweats, that is the draw.

I had hoped to receive bedding.  I couldn't find pure cotton percale flat sheets.  I have been searching since before the pandemic took over.  I have found, finally, what is claimed to be 100% cotton flannel flat sheets.  They won't work for medical, but... might do well enough otherwise.  Though, who knows.  Perhaps they are slathered in chemicals, from start to finish?  Who really knows these days.  Still, it's a start.  If I like them, I'll get more.  I want one for an under sheet, one for a top sheet.  Four would get used up rather quickly.

Yeah... so many things to try to get in store.  I'm telling you, October may be the beginning of a new rough patch.  Why?  Just... I am not telling anyone else what to do.  I am only telling you that I am trying to stock up for a bit longer, a bit better.  I need to figure out how to get in for confession, try to get to Mass more frequently, and... just... be ready.  I have my own... sights... but others seem to be... seeing... suspecting.  

Ducks and girls are set.  I should hit litter before bedtime.  Perhaps feed them a final time?  Perhaps eat, take slow and fast acting... if lower doses even then... and... I don't know.  I may even try to force myself to get dishes, at least enough to get a shower.  I really need a shower!  Ugh.  Late, but... I've... got to force it through.  I have to... or try...  If I fail, insomnia... I know this.  Gotta try.  Later.  Or good night. 

Digging. Someone.

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Parts of the story, examined.  I can never be sure if they mean to judge, or hope damnation is brutal and final.  I will say, what they... desire... even if just, right, assuming that for their sake... is a heartbreak.  Not for the world, for the good, for other things.  Perhaps explanations as the story unfolds?  Perhaps.  I will begin where they have been looking.

A deception.  A deceiver.  At once, certainly.  Before I knew, could know, God, I was what I thought was needed to be to, sometimes, merely survive... sometimes just that, sometimes more... to get ahead, to obtain what I wanted, to meet, greet, and succeed in other areas.  Without God, there are only animal rules... actually, among men, even that is a lie.  Men do what animals wouldn't.

Dealing with facts.

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Whether Biden or his running mate, chasing them down and getting them to line up is... well...

Did not want to wake.

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But, it is trash day, I missed last week, have even more to go, plus Sam and the alarm said so.  Set for eight, Sam came up and bugged me, and was rebuffed, two seconds before the alarm went off.  Ugh.  Snooze.  I hit it.  But rather than snuggling back in for my snooze time, I called Sam over and mauled her... in her favorite way.  Like a hand car wash... without the water, for cats.

I call it marauding.  She loves being marauded!  It also helps me wake up.  Tactile, the feel of fur, warmth, the purring and resistance.  All very good.  I hit the snooze one more time, while off and on playing and petting Sam, but turned it all off and got up before the next buzz.  I am grateful.  While the girls tag team against me, to try to wake me, if necessary... so definitely enjoy... they also do it to be fed.  It's a mutually beneficial exchange.

Trash wash bagged and out as quickly as possible.  I bagged recycling too, but use that so little.  One tiny bag of very empty catfood tins and a very few other items... I wasn't dragging the bin to the curb for that.  I really should use it for cardboard boxes, but simply haven't been doing well enough to get that going.  I'm... I'll... get on it, to it... Ugh.

Ducks and cats next.  Litter still needs worked, but... later.  I've done what I can do to start the day.  Fresh tea is going, so a fatted tea after that is brewed, then poured and allowed to cool.  I am not like the old sea salts who drank it burning.  Not... sure why... or how... they could do that.  Scalding.  I have to get to dishes, and a shower, today.  Have to.  Must.  Running out of time, on everything, and so stuck!  Gah!

Oh, blood sugar is slightly lower this morning, down to 201 or so.  It's a twenty fivish point drop from the last two days.  It's going back down.  I did reorder Halloween candy.  Full size candy bars.  I have been tempted, but this time... no.  I think I will do just fine.  They are for the kids, and a few special neighbors.  Full size candy bars are quite appreciated.  It's tight, even as a bachelor, but... I can so I do.  Snot-noses and all.

I thank God every day.  Not because I can work, or can't.  But because I can still try, still make a go out of it.  Failing so often, one would think surrender would be the only thing left.  I won't give up.  He hasn't, on me, us.  I will, every morning, give it my level best.  I might not do a damned thing, but I won't have just surrendered.  I'll even work on working several times through the day.  If it kills me.

Have any of you been saying good morning, out loud, to Christ and maybe Mary?  I have been, to the best of my recall.  There might have been mornings missed, but... if I think so, I do it later.  Or I am in such a bad state nothing has been possible... wasn't aware.  It really does change some perspectives.  I am not going to do it for a week, I am going to do it for the rest of my life.  Odd thing?  Not only do I believe they can hear me, it also makes them much much closer.  It's... almost spooky.

Down late, up late.

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That's just how it goes.  A new game, it's pulling me in.  Nier, Automata.  I wasn't sure I wanted to play.  I looked for complaints, problems, they are hiding all of that.  It's Japanese, which means it's ripe for... weird and odd things.  They just don't have a moral code.  It's more a social, or civil, thing.  Which seems also to be about doing whatever, just not talking about some things.  Then again, America, it's entertainment and business structures, probably through the failures of education, have no moral or ethical codes to them anymore either.  Some enclaves, if often very quietly, have some such.  But only socially and civilly, law has also dropped any pretense to moral or ethical... just legal and not good at that always.

So far, so good.  But it's starting to look like it will go wonky.  Game play is... different.  I'm not sure you will ever really get good at it, too much happening too often.  Just pound the buttons and hope.  Exploration is so-so.  Upgrades, leveling up, and such, are a bit much.  I am hoping in time it will make more sense.  Meh, it's... okay... so far.  Keeping me up a bit late.  I'll try to correct that.

Ducks were fed and watered.  It looks like a minor storm came through.  Some rain, if not a whole lot?  Wait, it was raining before I went to bed, come to think of it.  So, perhaps, it rained more than it seemed initially.  Which always depends on how early or late it rained.  Cloudy, today, for the first time in weeks.  I don't think it has rained for a month or more?  It's been sparse, light, and late, if so.

I will try to do dishes again today, plus a shower, trim, and getting trash out.  Recycling too, even if it isn't that week?  I have food made, just need to warm it.  Blood sugar was nice yesterday, but is back up to 225 this morning.  Bleh.  I'll keep at it.  A milder headache this morning.  And it hurt waking and getting up, but that is improving already.  Not a perfect, but I think things will be better in a few hours.  Aspirin in, with medicine... could help.  Good morning and day.

Well? No.

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There was some very small remnants of charcoal.  Enough to cook, just.  Probably.  I gave it a go, and it worked.  As well, chops, sausage, and burger patties.  As well, a beef roast was baked.  I had bits of everything but the burgers.  I do mean bits.  As well, a very tiny dose of insulin, 8 cc's.  Blood sugar started out ~225 this morning.  With very small doses of insulin, careful consumption, and avoiding bad foods, blood sugar was 117 by afternoon, and is 119 as I am heading to bed.

Laundry was brought in.  Ducks have been secured.  I washed their water pans and the pool.  It was rather warm out there, even after dark.  Probably just a warm breeze from somewhere... Texas, the West Coast, most likely.  Ah, hurricane coming through, I could see that as a strong advance from that.  All good.  I have food for a week or so, good food, enough of it.  That will help.  I just have to put it away before sleeping.  No problem, it's been cooling on plates, under paper towels.  Should be ready, and easy, to put away.  Hmm... might heat a few patties, for a double burger.

My left hand was really good for most of the day.  It wasn't even swollen.  I wondered if stretching the clothesline helped reset something.  Nope.  It probably allowed drainage, for a while.  Now the fluid is all back, dammed up, and the hand is tight and quite sore again.  I can type alright, play with the console controller.  I just can't hold things well, grip is weak due to the lack of ability to squeeze through the swelling.  Well, and pain can return powerfully if I do grip something as well as possible within the allowance of the swelling.  It will eventually get better.

I'll keep trying.  What else can I do?  Good night.