Chores.

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Such a small thing.  And yet, it takes about everything I have to do it.  Always happy to have done it.  I have figured out how to do it only every other to every third day, if I would still be doing it daily if I could.  And, I may well get back to daily chores before long.  If nothing else, just going out to see them.  Check things, for no good reason, and just... be doing something.

Sassy is well cared for, if not attended as much as could be.  Simply attention paid.  I do my best, but my best is rather anemic.  When I remember, I talk to her.  And, yes, she speaks back.  A funny girl, she is.  Sometimes she tells me it is time to feed her.  And, usually, she is right.  Though, if not, a small treat is always good.  Though, just as often, we chatter back and forth.  I do love my little lady.

I am hoping to hit dishes tonight.  It is possible.  If not, I'll get on to bed early, say 21:00 to 22:00, give or take an half hour.  If it's not happening, I'll just go on to bed.  Can I sleep?  I... don't know.  I guess I'll find out.

Oh, cream was available, and delivered, if I hadn't mentioned.  I sure miss the good stuff, when it isn't available.  And, yes, it is worth a few dollars more than store-bought... if I still think both 'public' and 'private' sellers are screwing us on the price.  Because one does, the other does.  And the one does for the same reason they screw us, now, on the price of beef.  The government is involved as well.

We aren't America anymore.  At best we are European again, of the sort where there are peasants and the ruling elite.  But... that isn't going to last.  Both are going south, fast, in a dozen ways.  On the good side, oligarchs are some of the first against the wall they refused to build.  Either by the people who realize the problem, or the new people who take over for those who used to live there.  There isn't an option.  Oddly, mostly of that is hidden in history.  I think you'd be terribly surprised how often elites are eliminated by the locals or those who the elites replaced the locals with.  It... just isn't much recorded.  Nobody wants to be 'that guy', in history.  And historians know what happens to those to tell the truth.

So be it.

I keep watching the thing in the Ukraine.  I can't believe Russia hasn't won that yet.  Is it all but a guarantee?  I was almost sure it was.  Not really on this particular Ukrainian government's side, if definitely not on Russia's side.  Two secular forces at war mean nothing to me.  Barbarians will do what they do.  Heathens will do what they do.  False Christians will do what they do.  Russia is dying.  The Ukraine and most of Europe is as well.  I guess they are trying to sort something out on the way to their own funerals.  It is the little people that concern me.  And, yes, Russia is evil that way.  So, too, is Ukraine.  They would see their people slaughtered, if they thought it would get them extra items or money from somewhere, and would leave them open to slaughter.  Secular is as it does.

Still, rather surprised it isn't over.  Some try to suggest that Russia... what... isn't really trying?  That's laughable on it's face.  Using their "B" team?  Maybe, but dubious.  Making excuses for a major nation, going to work, and having it's ass embarrassingly handed to it by a putz nation?  It's inexcusable, unless Russia really is as bad as I have always counted it.  Much like Chinese and muslim forces, made only for slaughter against a real force.  Though, as woke as the US military is, and as terrible it's leadership and the politics currently, the US military probably couldn't do much better than the Russians or Chinese.  Not even sure tech would carry them over the line.  But... is that a bad thing?  Only if the putzes in office decided to ignore those facts, and go to war as if it weren't true.  Then again, if we go to war, it will be to eliminate as many healthy young people as possible.  That... is where our secular governments are, at this point.  Evil is as evil does.

Later.

A rough one.

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Not really all that painful, just harsh.  Going to bed so late, just waking at twenty after sixteen hundred... and change?  Can't think straight even quite yet, though not totally untypical of mornings.  A bit thrashed still, if mostly from the recent dreams, residuals.  Though I think the starting near migraine was purely from the late night, and day.  The cycle change.  Too fast, too drastic.

I dreamed last night, but it was... a better dream.  I was a bull in a china shop.  As in, dining chinaware.  A blind bull at that.  There were time, plainly, when I wrecked the place.  Whether out of fright, hunger, needs, wants, anger, war, or such.  But, generally, that was never either my goal or a want... not even a need.  I merely wanted to lead a simple life.

The constraints attempted to bind me were a bit much.  Though, in time, I learned... patience, ease, calm.  And, in time, even my steps were crafted, so that even in the creaky old wooden flooring, I could walk without troubling the things around me.  Even should I feel the need to move with haste, I learned to move without rattling the delicate things in my domain.

Oh, I know what the dream is about.  I also know it is, mostly, true.  I even went back, to past areas I had terribly disturbed.  I examined what all was broken, intentionally and accidentally, incidentally.  I remembered back to the time, and tried to fully understand why, what caused the problem.  As mentioned, often, it was needs not being met, antagonizing from others, suspicions, and such.  Being blind, as we all are, is a bit of a terrible thing.  Especially if you don't, and maybe shouldn't, trust those around you.  How much can you trust even those you love?  I... don't know.  I don't think much, not in the way you think you should.  But... it isn't about them.  It is about you.  Even if they do you grievous wrong, your reactions are still your own.  There is no way around that.

So, now, a blind bull, in a vast china shop... wandering peaceably.  Able to see the destruction of the past, and a way into the future.  Placid dreams.  Even my war dreams?  I was... careful not to harm what did not need to be harmed.  Helping even enemies, should they choose wisdom.  Mercy, of the sword, can be of several sorts.  Peace is an odd thing... temporal or final.  Though, while one may be sought, the other may be the way of it.  Amen.

So?  I am hoping to get to chores, then dishes, as soon as possible.  It... might be a little while.  So tired, a bit pained, hungry, and needing a bath like a mangy dog.  Cream was available, and delivered.  I got three, and will do so again next week, then back to two?  Depends on the weather.  Kefir is gone, so I'll have to start that over, in time.  Not... soon.  Not until I can stand, again, and live, regularly.  It'll... be a while.

I may take painkillers today.  Just a general hurt.  Mostly from the dreams, a bruised body it would seem, though the headache is still clinging.  It reduced, greatly, after getting up.  But, like a thin fog, drapes over everything, obscuring even vision to a degree.  Breakfast... is it brewing or is the water just ready?  I'll... get to that.  Good "morning" and day.

Couldn't sleep.

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Oh well.  To bed shortly, if at 05:06 as I write.  *shakes head*

Someone keeps wanting me to add this vid.  Oh, I know why.  A lot of places are knowing it.  But, as I wrote, the last time I showed this, it is the way going forward.  There isn't a way to undo what has been done, set in motion.  And, unless man has tinkered with the sun?  He has nothing to do with it.

I kept hoping.

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To do things, get to things, even just get up for a bit.  I did make some food.  The burger ended up being good.  On the edge, but just this side of it.  I checked carefully.  With a friend ill from food poisoning, I know it can happen.  If I think some people are... more immune?  Even as ill as I am, I tend to withstand heavy shit better than others.  I know I have eaten bad food.  Zombification will do it.  And, that food I just ate?  I wouldn't feed it to a human.  Though that doesn't mean it can't, or won't, get me.  I do the best I can, with what I have.

Beans, in with it.  I needed filling food.  Cheese, beans, beef, onion, a large pan of it.  Two meals.  Hungry.  So very hungry.  Chia, coffee, and water just wasn't doing it.  Sure, carbs, but carbs are... filling.  Some more than others.  Pasta only fills me because I end up eating so very much of it.  Not because it is filling.  Actually, I end up eating not only a lot of it, but then needing to eat more of it, shortly.  Like rice... and oriental food.  I suppose beans are the Mexican pasta?  Sort of, if I think they are better for you.

I'm up late.  Was trying to push through, to get to the dishes, and a shower.  Didn't happen.  It's... been a while.  Sassy, lonely as she is, is keeping her distance.  She goes, finds clothes, dirty but fresher than me, which has my scent, and sleeps on those.  It's... all she has.  I have been so off lately.  I do feed her, tend her litter pretty well, changer her water frequently.  But, I'm a bit of an old goat, too old of a goat, by scent, for her.  I'll... work on it.

After this last bite, I need a bit more time up, to digest it, getting it moving along.  So I can't quite go to bed yet.  But, as soon as possible, I'll hit it.  Goodnight.

A query.

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Usually, when I send a text, it is asking for something.  This time, it wasn't.  I... just wanted to check on my friend.  A familial sort.  So, I sent it out.

Ill.  Terribly.  Food poisoning, most likely.  Can't keep much down, even liquids.

Prayers, I promised.  And, one immediately.  As well, I told him I would as my mother to pray.  And, when speaking with her, asked if she could get her circle of peoples to pray as well.  Sure thing.  She has a small squad she runs with, and others to ask as well.  What nuns do, even when they aren't actual nuns but live as such, or similarly.  The prayer squad.

As well, I thought I would request prayers from you.  His name?  God knows it.  He is one of the finest young men I have known, even from my generation and since.  If we have to lose someone, let it not be him.  We need him, as a nation, local and more.  His future is pain, but... people like him have a chance of fixing some things, if simply by just living right.  So, I ask that you pray for his swift and full recovery.

That shouldn't be.

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Blood sugar skyrocketed.  All I have eaten is my typical chia breakfast, which often brings blood sugar down.  As well, because blood sugar was high, I took 14 cc's of fast acting insulin.  Yes, I took slow acting insulin last night.  That isn't... fresh.  It might be out of date.  Will be switching it today.  I do at the first of the month.  But, the fast acting is fresh, was opened yesterday.  It went from 192 fasting to 232 after insulin and breakfast.  All else I have had is water.

I know, it gets wonky when starting up meds.  But this strange?  So be it.

Can barely stand.  Need food.  Can't think my way through.  Will have to toss some meat, most likely.  But a single, small package.  One I would have eaten, if I had been able to cook, clean, and get it all going.  So, at least it was just one pack.  I will check it, first.  Maybe it is still good.  I just... doubt it.  As terrible of shape as I am in, I can easily tell when food isn't to be eaten.  If I think it is borderline, cooking it will tell.  If it is even slightly bad, while cooking or baking, the horrid smell that comes from the process, right at the start, I know.  Just a pound of hamburger, if that is rather expensive these days.  Not sure how families are making it by.  It's crazy out there.

I... have been gaming, but... oddly dreaming of other things, while doing so.  I... dreamed I was hiking, a easier, shorter, path hereabouts.  One I haven't been on yet, but am pretty sure I know anyway.  Odd how that works.  I have seen places I have never been.  Sometimes for will, sometimes because people I love are there, sometimes just because.  Remote viewing?  I... think that is what it is called.  Dreams, to real.  Deja vous is less a phenomena I experience as it is a way of life.  Not... sure even I believe it, all.  But you don't have to believe to understand your own lying eyes.  Though, sometimes, it is a connection with people there.  

Odd how people can see, or perceive things, so incorrectly.  Not sure how they do they, though I think, sometimes, it is merely their first impression, which is wrong.  Like seeing a planter, and thinking it was something else... like a lantern, for it had lights on it, at night.  But, coming back the next day, you realize the mistake.  But... some people don't see well, or understand what they see, or care for details.   That actually bothers me, a great deal.  Seeing through the eyes of the willfully blind... of a sort.

Oh, right.  Anyway.  I'll try to figure out something else to eat, then get more insulin in.  I still won't take a larger dose.  Avoiding doing that, the downside is pretty rough.  It'll work out.  So hungry, but I just... can't... figure out cleaning, so as to cook, then cooking so as to eat.  Only so many sardines a week, even for the starving.  Later.

Crazy lot of sleep.

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I went to bed at a reasonable hour.  And, realizing I was sleeping, I shut the windows and opened the door to downstairs... plus kept the furnace a bit higher.  Even so, I couldn't wake up this morning.  It is nearing 10:00.  Crazy.

I heard the 04:00 alarm, but only at 04:20.  I must have snoozed it the two times before, when it went off.  Eventually I realized I had missed the 04:00 wake up period, so was preparing myself for the 07:00 sets.  I really wanted to be up, but couldn't get there.  I don't think I even heard the 07:00 alarms.  I woke later, at 09:00.  Found the alarm and looked.  The seven alarm was still on, which means I most likely snoozed through it without ever consciously hearing it.

I got to bed reasonably. did little (if not by choice) yesterday, even took a nap.  I have no idea what the problem is.  The weather and meds, that must be it.  Sore, too, this morning.  Not from dreams, just from kidneys, I believe.  Blood sugar is a bit high, which also doesn't make sense.  I have been eating correctly, and in small amounts.  Then again, as noted before, going back on medicine can boot the blood sugar around a bit.  Not sure if organs slow, or... something.  But, for a while, this isn't that unusual... when starting medicine.

Today is the last day of the third week, last day of the week for full dosages.  Actually, as rough as things are, this is one of the best restarts I have had.  I think the cool weather, while a wet blanket in many ways, is easing the restart.  Far worse when it is hot out.  Cold is better than hot, cool is better than cold.

No dreams last night, that I remember.  Rather gladly.  Those wear me out.  Of course, were else are you going to nut a giant well enough to cause it to projectile vomit?  Still, as mentioned, it hurt my foot a great deal.  Should have just killed him, but I... was angry at being thrown.  It happens, lose sight when angry, while at things.

I almost wondered if I hadn't kicked something.  A black spot had developed on my big toe.  But, then, I realized that was the wrong foot.  Then again, who knows, dreams can transpose?  Dunno, but, thought it was funny.  Now, my right foot does feel like it got stubbed pretty well, the first three toes.  Who knows, done in sleep?  Because I remember nothing.  Doesn't meant I kicked a giant's nads, doesn't mean I didn't.  :p  They sure can yowl though.  That hurt my ears more than his nads... nad really, only hit one... hurt my foot.  Big baby.

Well, awake.  Chores, dishes, a shower... maybe a trim, shave.  Will do what I can.  It's payday.  Would like to get cream.  Not sure I can.  Doubt if I can get out even yet today.  Ugh.  Later.

A strange response.

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Response?  That is how I am taking it.

Hungry!

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I have eaten.  The rest of the roast, my original version of chia breakfast, and a new version in which I added butter, sour cream, salt, and pepper.  Oh, and fresh diced onion... with hot water to activate.  It was... rather... okay.  Should have been filling.  Carrots, the last of what I had.  Still so hungry!

I just can't figure out what... sardines.  Yes, hungry enough to perhaps have two cans of those.  So hungry, hungry all day.  Even right after eating.  Very strange.

Medicine is in, including slow acting insulin.  Blood sugar has been trending a bit high, mid 100s.  I have been using fast acting insulin, it just isn't doing much.  And, I don't want to, won't, risk taking higher doses.  Sardines and some water.  Nothing fancy, but it'll work.  Two cans though, very hungry.  Strange, haven't been able to eat for days.  I suppose it catches up.  Well, other than McDonalds calls.  But, that was about all I ate those days, so.

I turned the furnace up, finally.  I had it lower most of the day.  It... doesn't seem to matter.  Just thought I'd try to goose the locomotive just a bit.  Didn't help.  Would have done it earlier, but didn't think it was cold.  Tired, all day.  Even with the nap.  So... sardines, water, then just to bed, I guess.  All good.  Prayers, in there.  Sometimes that is all I have.  At least I do have that, finally.  Later.

Sleep will happen.

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I had worried that the nap would throw off sleep.  If I had hoped it would help me get going.  Nope, neither.  So far.  Still hoping to hit dishes before bedtime, but... no guarantee.  Still dark out there, if it had warmed... a bit... last I checked.  Just into the low fifties, high forties... can't remember.  Nor can I get up to go check.  Tired.

I get the feeling I am being challenged.  In... some... odd way.  Some people think they could do well.  Farmers, construction workers, others who do hard work often believe they are strong men.  And, well they might be.  But they are not warriors.  It would be like me trying to farm, or do construction work, on a competitive basis.  I can't.  Nor, honestly, can they war.  In time, with training and experience, they could be made to... be somewhat survivable, and capable of inflicting harm.

Very good nap.

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Again, though, dreamed of the giant wars.  Got picked up, and like a stone, cast at a tree.  This, as it turns out, was not a dream tree, a looney tunes tree, it was... a Wolverine tree.  Unlike wolverine, I don't break, then heal.  I just hurt.  For a while.  But, I was made for it.  I got him to lose balance, then kicked him in the nuts, when he fell.  I didn't ever tell him, or anyone else, but... damn... that hurt my foot!

Got disturbed, in this one too.  Though, happily.  I would have slept way too long otherwise.  One of the young men in town, doing something something over there, with a machine.  I couldn't make heads or tails of what they were doing, by sound. Had to get my glasses on, and look, closely, for a while.

Seems to be using a skidster, but with forks... and... on those forks was a ground mincer, as for gardening.  Or, that's what it looked like.  The neatest toys, these folk have.  I would have gone over and said hello, not sure I am welcome.  I am... a stranger, from a strange land, in every way that could be meant.  Even had I been welcome, by the individual, I wouldn't want to cause them trouble.  Still, I was dying to go over.  Though, too, I would have had to showered, and cleaned up.  Which... yes, I should get dishes, and then that done.

You know what, if I am cleaned and ready, and see an opportunity, I may just go say hello anyway.  If I am not welcome, they can say so... or show it.  Folk around here, generally, don't hide their feelings towards... some of us.  No skin off my teeth.  I don't dream of being pounded by giants, or thrown at trees, to be of a delicate nature.  *rictus grins*  And, I can yet read humans fairly well.  If I'm not welcome, I'll cut and go.  Probably wouldn't stay long in any case.  Just a hello, a few questions about their toys, an atta-boy, and away.  Keep it short, that, for men, IS sweet.  Unless you can be handy, somehow.  Shovel on the side, move rocks, or at least get out of the way.  Amen.  Oh... that is... something women could learn.  Pretty is nice, quick is nicer.  :)

A fatted coffee, or what passes for it.  Sour cream, if there is enough left.  I have failed to do a dozen things which were in the works.  Kefir is probably done, have to start that over again.  All sorts of damned problems.  I won't try to restart things until medicine is back in the green zone, I can stay awake and actually do things, regularly, daily, and such.  I fell off medicines, began doing better on lower titrations, shifted up and am back, on my face in the dirt, again.  Will be there for a while.  The dark of spring isn't helping.  Though heat might be worse?  Cold?  I... you know, a nice, moderate, 60 to 70, mostly sunny, for a week or more month, would be nice.  Not going to happen, I fear.  It'll stay cool and dark until it breaks out into the 90s, then overshoots for a while.  Another long hot summer, if normal but not had for a few years.  It's back?  It's what I fear.  Don't have a sense of it, though.  Weather is... out of control.  Between the sun, and man's inactivity, expect only one thing.  Change.

Later.

Strange morning happenings.

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So very tired.  May have to go on back to bed... for a bit.  A nap, of sorts.  I am hoping if I hit it soon enough, it won't destroy my day... and will be brief.

A respite.

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From the dreams, at least for a night.  Sleep, glorious sleep.  Until the dogs went crazy, around midnight, a bit before to several hours after.  Something was out there.  I heard... strange noises.  I am sure I heard noises, though what came after was more likely a dream?  I imagined those noises to be not... animal.  Not completely animal.  Human, if of an altered sort.  A wild child, not of being raised by animals, or abused, merely... slightly... seriously... off.

A local son, of a different nature.  Well... I almost believe my dreams.  Or, more believe them than believe what was out there was any other thing it could have been... in order to make the sounds it made.  Strange grunts, as it woofed along, with an odd gait.  Something strange, no matter what it was.  Not quite natural.  Yet, not... totally unfamiliar.  Who knows.

The dogs went absolutely batshit though.  Waking me to a headache, one I feared would not go.  But it did, if not until I went on back to sleep, and then after a while.  It was an exhaustion headache, awakened too early.  I still needed sleep, so got a headache immediately upon becoming aware, conscious.

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, or sleep well.  Save for occasional disturbances, for an hour or two beyond the initial awakening from barking, I was able to get back to sleep, and mostly stay asleep.  Then the alarm went off.  The four alarm.  I snoozed it out, trying to get up.  Couldn't quite do it.  Fought like heck to do so, and, yet, didn't lose totally.  I lost the battles, with it, but won the war.  Waking at about 05:09, twenty nine minutes after the last of the snoozes available was plunged.

But, technically awake at about 05:05.  That is when I knew I would make it up.  Those last four minutes was me just... literally... resting my eyes, crouched, ready to get up.  And up I got.  Sassy has been fed, her litter sorted.  Breakfast water is running, should be hot enough to set brewing.  Breakfast is in the jar, ready to be stewed.  I am even dressed, enough to check the temp... which reminds me....

It is 37 F out there!  Ugh.  It doesn't feel frigid.  I suppose I have gotten used to it, being that cool, again?  I slept with the windows open, but it didn't cool much.  I opened them right at bedtime, but still.  Yes, I had turned the furnace down for the night, if not way down.  Which... I think I may begin doing.  I am the captain, even if only my very own ship of fools.  At least I am not the Red Queen.  Mostly.

Medicine in.  Today is the last day of my first three weeks being back on medicine, the last day of the first week of being back on full doses, taken twice a day.  I'm not sure if I started back on insulin first or a bit after, but it is similar.  Blood sugar is 153 fasting this morning.  Then again, I had a large portion of beef roast as I was going to bed.  Not even sure that is full fasting, as in eight hours after food?  Let me think...  If I went to bed at 22:30 (which is about right), and woke at 05:05 (by my count), but tested at... it says 04:35... but must be off on daylight savings, so 05:35... and I call it even hours, that was only seven hours.  So, no, not a true fasting.  Though, I don't think I ate exactly before bedtime.  An hour earlier?  But, with allowance for half an hour in either direction and whether it was fasting, as in eight hours, is... questionable.

Anyway... no dreams of war last night.  I needed the break.  My body was truly beginning to... hurt.  In ways you can't imagine.  A beautiful agony, but the terrible depth of it was becoming... a bit... much.  One night off was grand.  If back I must go, so be it.  Though those f'ing dogs... well and whatever stirred them up?  Can hang.  Blah.  Still, much rather that, than the constant, nightlong, dreams.  Or, at least, for the seven or ninth day in a row.  Was getting... rough.  Still, was strengthening me for what is to come?  Amen.

And?  I am awake!  Way early!  If I can keep this up, I will.  Still, would like to get to waking at four, within the alarm and snoozes... and maybe go on back to three and change as necessary.  I'll... try.  This wasn't an accident.  And, while it hasn't worked before, I think, this time, for a while, I... might make it.

Dishes, as soon as I can, first thing on the actual agenda.  Then a shower, laundry, and more dishes.  I'll... keep at it.  Trying, through failure.  Some say to quit, early.  But... somethings can't be quit.  Life itself, is what would have to be surrendered.  I don't have enough money to pay for the help that might be useful.  I don't have... many options.  I won't just... quit.  Tried that, before, in various forms, anyway.  It... doesn't work.  If God says "No.", so be it.  Later.

Excellent roast.

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Forgot carrots, but that's okay.  The celery was... interesting.  Baked, in the juice, it was still firm, yet softened.  Onion, of course, gives and takes flavor.  Wonderful.

Now I have to stay up just a while longer, to let the food settle.  Trying to sleep on a full belly doesn't go over well.  I didn't have a great deal of food.  Though, when hungry, a little bit can fill the internals seemingly wall to wall.  The other two thirds of the roast needs to be put up as well.  It was a small roast, very small to my way of thinking.  But, at the price, I... have to go small.

Oh, I best feed Sassy.

I will probably open the windows upstairs, and shut the door to the downstairs.  I have been doing just the opposite the last few days, hoping to shake the dreams.  It didn't help.  As well, it didn't allow me to wake any earlier.  I should be to bed by 22:00, maybe earlier.  If I had remembered to start the roast, seen it and gotten on it earlier, I'd already be to bed.  Just... so hungry.

Tomorrow... it should be easier to get to bed earlier.  With just a warming of a part of the roast needed.  Chia and this, should be enough.  With a neo-fatted coffee.  Anyway...  I best get the slow acting in, and maybe a small dose of fast acting.  Let the food settle, then get on to bed.  Goodnight.

Not going to bed quite yet.

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So tired.  So hungry.  Couldn't get going on food.  Then, looking in the fridge, I noticed a thawed beef roast.  Just a few days thawed.  As well, onion, fresh, still good.  So, I set the oven up, salted and peppered, and started browning the roast.  In it will go, after it is browned, on a bed of celery.  After it has been in about forty five minutes, I'll add carrots right into the juices.

That'll be it.  But it should do.  And, I will eat until I am full.  Might be little, might be half, might be the whole roast, if I doubt it.  Hungry.  But... at some point, hunger is just a sensation, without connection to actual capacity to eat.  Though, over a few days, given enough food, I could probably wind up for a blowout, and just eat a ton.  Fortunately, I don't have that kind of access to food.  Having to cook, and clean, myself... yea...  Not that I don't want to eat myself to death, I simply can't keep up the process.  Can barely stay fat!  :p

Medicine is in, save slow acting... but that insulin is readied.  Blood sugar is 116, so my hunger didn't completely blow the readings.  Not... bad.  Not perfect, but not bad.  Ah, roast is in.  Browned, with onions on top, over celery, going for forty, then I'll add carrots.  Should be a good supper.  Probably take an hour, hour and an half.  I go by thermometer reading, pulling it about about 130ish, to 140 if I don't catch it early enough.

But, after dinner, down.  I'll go to bed as quickly, early, as possible.  Later... or goodnight.

A call, at least.

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Just checking in on mom.  I wish I could afford a trip.  That just isn't possible.  She sounds good, but they always sound good.  We try not to show problems.  And, even if we don't see them... there are problems.  Still, a call, once or twice a week.  Asking about her, with real concern.  Taking interest in what she is doing, where she is going, and sharing our menus from time to time.  It's not much, it is what I have to offer.

Sassy has been fed, often.  I try to feed her about five times during the day.  Small portions of canned cat food, about a third of a can per time, with the last third tossed.  It doesn't last, overnight.  Goes bad terribly quickly.  As well, I like to remember to check her litter once during the day, and when I wake and as I go to bed.  I do my best to make her life a bit better.  If what helps her, helps me.

Windy out there.  And it was up to 66 last I looked, if humidity was in the 80s or 90s.  That can change in a heartbeat.  Temps can, too, if not as desperately as humidity changes.  It is, or was, a rather cold 66.  That humidity, and wind, will catch you, chill you.  Still, it is a pretty day.  Hard to hate such days, also difficult to enjoy them too openly, out there.  Can look from a window, like a puppy with big eyes and wonder, though.  *wags tail*

Still hoping to get to dishes.  Not sure I will.  So tired.  Soreness is mostly gone.  Just... tired.  Blood sugar has improved.  May have popcorn.  Which isn't the best for that.  But... it is warm, easy to fix, with butter offers more than carbs, and is edible.  At this point, that is about as good as I can do.

Trying to keep going with the game.  Never know, quite, what to do.  Can't focus, remember.  Goals and hopes are all over the place.  It, mostly, helps me stay awake.  Mostly.  So very tired.  I may simply just attempt to remain awake until 17:00 to 19:00, crashing sometime between those times.  I could sleep now, but I think it would really mess up the day cycle I have sort of arranged.  That is slipping, but if I could get to bed earlier for the next few days, and then on, it might work out?  One can hope.

Later.

A start.

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Some things even on the list.  One of them.  Chores.  As soon as I could.  Before that, though, I completely refreshed the litter boxes.  Sweeping around, under where they sat, clearing and cleaning the area generally.  Fresh litter in both boxes, from start.  All good.  As well, I refilled buckets with outside water, for refilling waterers.  Everything was refilled, save what was brought back today.  So, refilling those through the day, and getting Sassy extra fresh water.  She actually drinks more than I thought.  In two days, if a smaller dish pan, she drinks a third of it?  A fifth perhaps.  I must remember, hereabouts, evaporation is fast.  The air drinks too!

Now?  A rest.  I got to a lot of the work, all at once.  Did a nice little bit of it.  It wasn't just those things, but those things, often, are all I can do at once.  So, doing both, plus a few things, was a bit of a trick.  Too sleepy to notice I am too tired to work.  *grins*

A break, yes.  Then, on to dishes.  If dishes can be done fairly reasonably, quickly, then a shower.  Refilling waterers, and cleaning the bathroom, are next on the list, if anything else can go forward.  I promised my doctor I would be in for blood work.  Problem(s).  First problem.  I can't stand.  I'll... that is being sorted, as I get used to medicine.  Second problem?  No money.  No gas.  They used to pay us, that day.  Now?  Now, they send compensation weeks, if usually months, later.  Which is fine, save when I am broke.  So... I... can't get there, for a while.  I'll call, let him know, make sure he keeps the door open for that.  I'll try to get there in the first week or two of this coming month.  It is as good as I can do.

Feeling better, for the first time in several days, weeks maybe?  It's been a while.  I get a better day, from time to time, but not for a week to be sure, probably longer.  If this week has been harsher than even usual.  The dreams, added medicine, the continued dark weather, all adds up.  To which I thank God.  Gives me strength.  A strength currently unused, but when pushed, it may well become known.  Who knows.  There must be a reason for it.

On to my break.  Oh, and breakfast.  Might only be sour cream, but it will work, for now.  Hopefully I can figure out cream, one way or another, during the week.  Ugh.  And more food.  So very hungry.

OUCH!

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So that is how a square nail feels to be made?  Hammered.  Dreams, again, last night.  Pounding, fighting, ripping, and tearing.  Giants don't stand a chance, if the price is high.  Honestly, not sure how I am surviving.  The pressures, on my body.  Imagine every muscle group, some of your joints, even bones, hurting... for a week this has been happening.  I... shouldn't, but... I really enjoy it.  I was born for this.  And, truth told, as a master chief, I am no longer supposed to get my hands dirty.  Teach, they say.  So, when I can... just itch that scratch, and fix that problem, turn that wrench, grease that zerk, get it done!  Well, only, what I fix... ain't, technically, broken.  That IS my job.  :)  Beautiful.  As close as I get to it.

Still, it is wearing on me.  I need a shower.  I need food.  McDonalds,  last night.  Had to have something.  Can't cook, clean, or eat the low hanging fruit anymore.  Burned out on it.  Had to have something warm.  So hungry.  Meat.  So very hungry.  But hunger makes war much... easier.  For some of us, if we are well stocked, with extra to burn.  Blood sugar is a bit higher, at 172, for it.  But I had to eat.  Chia and a fatted coffee has been my food for the last few days.  Water besides.

Hell a thing.  Dishes are first on my list, then chores.  When I can wake, stand.  Gotta... get to those things.  Then a shower.  Gut is grumbling.  I'll have chia.  It's not much, but it is something.  Back to sour cream as the creamer.  If there is enough left?  Ugh.  Live mean, live mean.  So be it.  Later.

Ah!

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Oh, ouch!  I was wondering why mornings were so brutal.  Dreams.  I remembered, this morning, waking while still in it.  Realized I have been dreaming this dream, much of the night, for the last week.  War, of the damnedest sort.

Imagine, a Roman ruin, the size of a middling metropolitan city.  No cars, trams, planes, helicopters, all on foot.  The contestants?  Men, little giants like me, larger giants, and the massive giants... tall as cedars.  Why war?  Because.  For me, I was trying to get my daughters out to safety, after the attack began, and a few pets.  Several of us were working together, to similar ends.

Why were we attacked?  Could ask the opposite, just as successfully... or obverse?  Why weren't we attacked before now?  The answer is simple.  Because.  No time for any contemplation.  Now as a time for action.

As a mini giant, I am to great hounds of war what a chihuahua is.  And, yet, in this... the way of war had changed.  It was not longer might makes right, for that was never true no matter who implemented it.  God never did.  But, life is a force of will, and in this place, war was based on that.  You could "kill", man or the greatest of giant, by causing a terror of pain, enough that they let go of their will to live.  It was the only way.

Which meant, even someone of my diminutive stature, could withstand the crushing blow from the hand of a giant with a palm wider than I am tall.  If... I willed it.  How many?  Didn't want to find out.  As well, I could kill a giant, did.  found one hunched over, looking to ambush a normal.  Snuck behind him, with a whip.  Bunghole... painlocked him, bunghole, three or four times, he yowled, and faded into the nomore.  Hellyeah.  *grins*

But, on an on, all night, give and take.  As I was waking, I found myself tightening for a blow.  Every muscle in my body was as tight as it could be, waiting for the hit.  Which came.  I resisted, then got up and ran like hell.  Not all fights can be fought straight head on.

So, yes.  That is part of why I am so tired, and sore, in the mornings.  Brutal.  Beautiful.  I... was in my element.  Oh, but it does hurt.  At least I know why.  And, as mentioned, I realize I have been dreaming the same, pretty much, dream... for the last five to seven days.

I woke a little earlier, went to bed a little earlier, mostly.  But, still running a bit late.  Working on it.  Will continue to work on it.  Try.  Do my best.  As with the giants, and war of my way, and such, it is a matter of will, and faith.  With hope and charity as endcaps.  Do, or do not.  It isn't about feelings, it is about results.  Well and the intent, and production process.  Any failure, in any part, is a failure in whole, no matter the end, on top of else.  Believe.  If you must kill, do not kill with hate in your heart.  Be kind to them in spirit.  Amen.  Later.

A strange mix of notions.

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Shouldn't be... too difficult?  Enjoy, or not.

Not much.

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Dark, outside.  It did seem to brighten, a bit, for a while.  But, even then, it was hazy.  Now it seems much darker again.  If it would rain, that would be good.

Blood sugar is doing really well.  The last time I checked it, it was 86.  Which... had me slightly worried.  It felt... a bit off.  And, yet, I let it go.  Neither eating anything or taking carb tabs.  Checking it just a bit ago, and it is 91, perfect.  It came up a few points all on it's own.  Strange, but... okay.

I can't really seem to get to much else.  Just staying awake has been a trick.  Heat is up, a bit.  Drinking enough water, but not too much?  Feeding Sassy every few hours.  Interacting with her, too.  Sometimes to tease, sometimes to pet, sometimes to itch.  She is such a quiet girl, lately.  I hope she isn't sad, but... may be a bit lonely.  There is me, but I am not a cat.  I am thinking about adding to our group.

The thing is, my life... how much time do I have?  I really could have another thirty, or more years.  Or maybe I won't see the end of this year.  I am living on borrowed time like no one you could imagine.  Just sitting, I can get tunnel vision.  I feel ill most of the time.  Even when there isn't pain, I just don't feel right.  I feel like I should be dead, I feel like I am dying.  But I have felt that way for decades.  I fight it, sometimes escape it for a very short time.  Or longer times.  Medicine might help, again, a bit, for a while, as long as I can stay on it, take it regularly.  Doing my best.

So... another cat?  Though, perhaps, one closer to her age?  A tom, who lost his home?  Or another lady, who just needs a place?  Then, there is food, litter, attention.  I do give Sassy a lot of time, actually.  And when Sam was asking for it, they both got a lot of time.  But, I do think cats need... cats.  I'm... thinking about it.  Or a puppy?  Ugh.  Wonderful, but...

Then again, a puppy would only be here for about a decade.  A cat might be here for ten to twenty years, depending on age.  Sassy, to put it bluntly, has about ten more years.  I don't want to lose two pets close to each other.  One is brutal.  Just... watching them time down is difficult.  Choices, decisions, risks... but... in the end... you roll them bones, and take your chances.  It's all we've got.  Science, logic, statistics?  I'd trust the love of a mother far before those things.  And the love of God even above that.  So be it.

I may end up in bed earlier tonight.  But, all good, if I can wake earlier and get going.  I will try.  Later.

Not the titled?

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Well, I mean, not what is planned... dishes.  But... as little starters... I got Sassy's litter, got two pales of water and refreshed her water, and set up what of the waterers are empty, so as to be filled before long.  Breakfast, too, and a fatted coffee.  Plus, I remember to turn the heat up just a bit, and put on a robe, over else. Gotta stay warm or I will get nothing done.  So easy for me to forget simple physical needs, as medicine begins taking affect.

I did take a small dose of fast acting, just to kick the gig off.  Then set up slow acting, for tonight.  It is so much easier to remember, if I have it preset.  As I am going to bed, thinking about things, and doing things, becomes extremely difficult.  It is as if I get hypothermia.  Physical and mental abilities decline to the point of incapacitation.  Even if I remember I haven't taken insulin, at that point, there is nothing I can do about it.  Not every night, and when fully on medication not even that often.  But, after falling off medication, at some point, it becomes every night.  And, while going back on medication, it can be fairly regular.  And, so it is.  But, if the thing is just a poke and press, I... can usually do that.  Sometimes even if I am already in bed, if I wouldn't bet on it no matter my intent.

So, a good start, really.  But... to dishes... and a shower.  It'll happen, today even, I think.  The things done I was able to do shortly, quickly.  But they weren't done because they were difficult, but because they were easy, quick.  Sort of building, success feeds success.  Sometimes, start small, and let it provide opportunity, or even hunger for more.  Don't just tell the beast, body, to go, do.  Throw meat out into the wilds, or enemy lines, or wherever, so there is something to go after... it isn't just my will.  There is something in it, if at cost, for the beast within which I live.  Or... is it the other way around?  At once, it was neither.  Now?  Both?  Still, I have found a... better way... if not quite for yet.  I can do what I can do, for that, as is.  Prayer, attempts at wise living, contemplation, and righteous glorifications?  Things like that, and more.  What I can do.  Though, even just work, simple, humble, house maintenance... is... a part of it.  

Ahha!  It looks like it was both trash and recycling day.  One of my neighbors, a few of them, may simply not have had recycling ready, or had recycling to go.  About half of the others had it out, and I thought, just roughly, that it was recycling today.  All good.  Love it when I get it right, even if it wasn't terribly necessary.  Just... like being on the right page, if only vaguely.  Later.

Awake?

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Late.  And, mostly.  Rough.  My innards feel bruisded, some bones just hurt, neck is a bit creaky.  But I have had worse, even in this last week.  Depending on how you weigh things.  No headache is a major plus.

Medicine in, first thing.  Well, after Sassy was fed.  It was 8:34 when I got out of bed, the poor baby was fit to be tied.  Blood sugar taken.  At 142 fasting, and the weekly average, trends are excellent.  Not the fastest lowering, but one of the least bumpy lowering processes in a while.  I can only remember one serious crash, and maybe one lighter crash?  Plus, I only had one reverse trend, when it became a trend.  The other day, two days ago?

I didn't get down until after 23:00.  Half, quarter, three quarter of an hour after?  Just after?  I... I just don't remember.  I kept pushing to be awake to do... something.  Anything.  Oh, well, I did get the whiskers trimmed.  It... was something.

Dishes, is all I am going to focus upon, today.  Well, and maybe bringing barrels back.  I'm not sure it was recycling this week, but that's fine.  Only had two small bags in the great big barrel.  Won't be an issue.  I'd also like to get water in, change Sassy's water, and redo all remaining waterers.  Then again, I'd like to do a lot of things.  And I may.  But dishes are the first thing, and only thing I'll worry about, concentrate upon.  That is holding up other things.

Since I am going to be later, I changed the alarms, from 03:00 and 05:00 to 04:00 and 07:00.  I... used them, worked with them, but failed to have them do their purposes today.  Tried like hell.  I did.  Sassy even tried to help.  She knows eating is based on me waking.  Especially when I shut the back porch off, and she can't even get dry food... which I try to remember to do.  She needs to not eat for periods of time.  She is getting too fat.  Working on reducing her canned cat food too.  Now tossing a third of one of her cans.  Will probably cut her back some more.  If that isn't enough, I'll begin only putting out just so much dry food a day.  May have to get her a feeder toy, which distributes only so much, for a certain amount of play time.  Oh... she'll... go after that.  Whenever she begs for food, I'll toss her that.  *grins*  I wish someone would do that for me!  Don't even think about it!

Well... now to wake.  It was 47 out there, at about 08:36?  Something.  Not freezing, there is that.  I would really like to get the rabbits breeding.  Since today isn't a chores day, it would be a good day to do so.  I'll need to take my favorite little doe out to the little buck.  Give them an hour.  Put her back.  Then, do that again, about eight hours later.  I think the  the big doe, I'll put her in with each buck, for an hour, for the next two days.  As for the little buck, he'll get one gal a day, every other day, for three days... twice... so... each do will be put in with him, for an hour, twice a day.  And, have him meet and greet two or three does before giving him a break, and doing it again next week.

I keep trying.  They keep not producing.  May have aged out.  If so, they will begin dying, before long.  Time is a cruel master.  I lose it all the time.  We will see.  But... dishes first.  When I can wake and get going.  Actually, breakfast first.  But that... isn't a chore, job, task.  That is just tending the machine.  Later.

Late, but...

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I kept hoping I'd see an opportunity.  I would have taken it.  Some might suggest that the whole day was an opportunity.  And, it was, except it really wasn't.  Just telling you the truth, like it or not.

I did get some waterers filled, and chores.  I ate several meals, fixing some more than others.  I took care of what Sassy needed and wanted.  Oh, and I did get the trash and recycling out, and to the road.  Well, and put bags in the trash cans, inside, and recycling bin.  So... I... did some things.  Small things.  But... some things.

So tired.  But I kept holding out hope I would get to dishes, maybe a shower, other things.  Hmm... I may trim my whiskers as a last thing.  I did take the last doses of the various medicine.  Not... bad for as bad as I feel, and am doing.  Graces aren't taken, they are given.  And I have been graced all the way to kingdom come.  I don't deserve it.  But... the only one who did, died for me.  Not fair.  Not easy to accept.  But, once done, the... task is fini.  Odd how that works.

Goodnight.

Chores and blood sugar.

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It took all day for me to get up and going, even to just do chores.  The heat helped, finally.  After that, I checked blood sugar.  I have been doing extra duty, with that.  But it also could all come crashing down.  Still, trying to keep it lower.  I think I took 14 cc's of fast acting with my last meal, of broccoli and pork roast.  It was quite good.  Blood sugar is 117, so I must have... done okay, with my dosing.  Still, it is a bit high, just not compared to where it had been.  I have slow acting insulin ready for before bed.

Sassy is being fed, and tended, fairly well.  She has been really clean, lately.  Couldn't figure it out.  After doing some waterers, now I know.  She gets in there.  Even though I change her water every other day, it's... not enough for her.  And, while she hates water, I guess fresh, or rabbit, water is her preferred.  I'll... have to figure something out, so that she can have that, and yet she doesn't mess with the actual rabbit water.  I... don't appreciate that.  I think we can come to an agreement.

I am still hoping to hit some dishes, and get a shower taken, and trim.  And get trash and recycling out, what remains to go out, and the barrels to the street.  I don't know if I can.  Pushing, and getting nowhere.  I did chores, at least.  Sassy and I have eaten.  Litter is clear.  If I can get a few pales of water in, I'll refresh her water, officially.  Silly girl.  No, I'm not mad.  I understand completely.  Just... I'd like to find a better solution.  Will... find a better solution.

Cool out there, but not cold.  The sun came back out, for the last of the day... mostly.  It is a pretty day.  Nice and cool.  Clean, crisp, pretty, nice... I suppose I could use fancy words, but to me, these are fancy words.  It's not how they are pronounced, or how many syllables, it's how they are heard.  For most, these words are enough.  Meh, I think so.

Later, or goodnight.  I have to have something else to eat.  Not sure I have anything, really, left?  The salad...  It is getting long in the tooth, but isn't beyond decent repair.  Though that is quickly changing.  And, I still have some of the hot salad dressing.  *zoom!*  I really like that stuff.  I really want a shower.  And I really want the rucksack ready.  So next time it is like that, I am feeling it, I can just grab and go!  I really want to go, even if I only go a hundred feet, or three.  But if I could make it four or five miles, uphill, and back, before night... I'd be happy.

A boy has to dream.  Later.

Got dark.

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Stayed cold.  Well, I had the furnace set at 70.  Around here, with low humidity (indoors, currently), that is cool.  Nearing cold.  I was wondering why I couldn't get going.  Fair enough.  So, when I realized all the problems, I turned the furnace up, started planning for something warm to eat, and am trying to get something going.

Now, while I won't get going, hiking, today.  I sure might be able to get a pack set up.  With a number of extra things, like light rain gear in there, to top off in case it begins to rain... or even snow at some altitudes.  Just some pants slickers, and a hooded waterproof jacket.  I usually don't need more, to stay warm.  As long as I am not soaking wet, the rest is doable... down to... well, it used to be down to -40 without much more.  Now, not so sure.  Getting old does that.  I should still be able to handle -20 to 0 okay, F.  Probably.  As long as I am not wet.

So, yea, I'll... keep working at things.  Get the dishes kicked out, set up a hiking bag for a quick go, take a shower before rinsing dishes, and then clearing the tub for another shower tomorrow.  Trim my face, maybe shave.  Start some laundry.  Just... some things.  I can hope.  Frying eggs, shortly.  The meat I had out, is bad.  I have bacon I baked, then froze.  I'm not sure it is any good.  I was curious.  But, then, I made too much bacon to eat, reasonably, at once.  Sort of... got carried away.  So, it would have gone to waste no matter.  Then forgot about it.  Will see if it is any good.  I pulled meat, to thaw, for the week.  A little less than before.  Oh, and I do have pork roast.

Actually, I am not doing eggs.  I'm steaming broccoli.  Might as well put a small chunk of port roast in with that.  Was thinking I was going to just have veggies, with butter.  But, yea, roast would do well.  I had salad earlier.  I heated the rest of the salad dressing, and used half of it.  Heated with Carolina Reaper pepper flakes.  An eighth of a teaspoon, in an half pint jar, which was only half full?  I... wondered if I was pushing it.  And, I definitely... really, actually wasn't.  Tasty!  A bit of a kick, but not even a serious one, for me.  A nice pleasant Sunday ride, in the daily driver.  But... nice.

Hmm, that might... the remainder... go well on the roast.  Or a teaspoon full?  Maybe.  I usually don't marinade, but I do like to sauce.  I'd prefer hot/warm sauces, but... some days... do what you have, and can.  Making water, too.  I have to remember to plug the freezer back in, right away.  Could lose a lot of meat by not, and have a heck of a mess.

Even with it being somewhat, partly, mostly(?) overcast, I have the front curtain open.  I have a thinner inner curtain, so no one can just look in.  But, with that open, even being darker, I do get more light.  Trying to enjoy more, get a little more sunlight.  Later.

Monday, trending.

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Woke.  In a hurry.  Way late today.  Oh, I fought to wake.  The alarms, at three and five, were exhausted through snoozes.  I really tried.  Never quite fully awake, shadow boxing the conscious world, and losing... beautifully.  The birds, chirping, like sound stars in that nighttime mindsky.  Beautiful.  Little earthy angels, singing for me, to me.  Even while I couldn't wake, I prayed, in gratitude, for the choir.

Finally, I could crawl out.  Six?  It just turned seven, and I have been up a while.  Not sure how long.  But I was on fire, when I woke.  Wanted to get the trash and recycling, together and out, before the trucks.  Which... I definitely did.  If, in part, because they won't be here until tomorrow.  :)  I love a good joke.  Recycling is in the barrel, trash... I will look through things and see about more trash.  But, it is ready, mostly.  Just two bags, with room in each, needing to be filled and tied closed, then taken out.  Hopefully I can finish that all by bedtime, and have the barrels out.  Oh, and I need to get a series of checks in for utilities.  A smaller (than usual) catch up check... say $150?  Then a series of $45 checks, to pay the bill and then some.  Get ahead a bit.  I do what I can.

It looks like the sun is out!  For how long, or how out, I couldn't quite be certain.  Not awake enough to do a good scan, just a sense.  I was so excited, sitting, thinking of the prospect, that I had to go look.  No, clear skies.  Not even hazy.  Beautiful spring day!  Only 26 out there?  Ah, but... so bright, if crisp!

I may have to try to push through the dishes, to get a shower... and trim or shave... then find a trail.  Just... a while.  Take a small pack, with some food and water... more in case I go a little longer.  Trekking poles, a small pack, a couple of mre's (my least favored of them, so I am less likely to eat them save necessity), and a canteen or two of water, one unfilled, rolled up, with the water purifier... if I'm not sure there is any water up in the particular hills I am headed.  When half the water or all my energy is gone, back down?  Yes.

If the hike is as crazy hard as I have heard, it won't be a long hike.  Might even, yet, run into snow before too long.  Ice would be the scariest thing, as steep as it is.  Though, at some level of steepness, snow and ice are similarly murderous.  Well... it's a thought.  I... need to try.  It is on my list.  We will see.

Dreamed of her.  Nothing fancy, just... a woman.  To talk with, argue with, love... hate, touch.  My best worst frienemy.  With boobs.  I tried not to look, but she tried to make me look when I was trying not to look.  I... had ways of paying her back.  I really have enjoyed my time, with women types.  Mostly.  I really need to get back in the saddle.  Even if I say mean things, it's... somewhere between sour grapes and avoidance.  Mostly.  :p

Medicine, first thing.  Back down to just two water pills, and that... so far... seems okay.  I took eight a day, for five days to a week.  Had to, three wasn't doing it, five wasn't doing it, and my legs were getting so big they hurt, and weighed me down.  Sometimes you have to treat the symptom, at all costs.  So... I did.  Blood sugar is 166 fasting.  Not great, but back toward trend of lower than the day before, if not back to as low as it had been.  A... start.  I have been taking a few four to eight cc doses during the day.  More... a guess... because I shouldn't need insulin, with what I am eating!  My volumes are small, it is clean keto, higher proteins (which may, at times, be a problem... more than a particular guru thinks?).  Perhaps, for extra protein, you have to work out, or at least be active, and starting medicine has me a bit extra crippled.  So... I... end up getting the extra protein jammed into carbs?  I'll... cut protein, by half, until I am back, almost literally, on my feet.

All you can do is try.  Try, work, aim, hope, pray, and do what that is available.  I feel like a racecar, put up in a museum, or a fantastic violin, put in a glass case... dusted and oiled, just preserved, no allowed to race or sing, just to be looked at.  It is a horrible thing.  I was made to... do things.  Good things, bad things, depends on... who you are.  Can you do bad things for good reasons?  I'm... no longer convinced, but when War dances, what happens happens.  Amen.

Hmm?  On to waking.  The last of the chia yogurt.  That and a fatted coffee.