.
Woke. In a hurry. Way late today. Oh, I fought to
wake. The alarms, at three and five, were exhausted through
snoozes. I really tried. Never quite fully awake, shadow boxing
the conscious world, and losing... beautifully. The birds, chirping,
like sound stars in that nighttime mindsky. Beautiful. Little
earthy angels, singing for me, to me. Even while I couldn't wake, I
prayed, in gratitude, for the choir.
Finally, I could crawl out. Six? It just turned seven, and I have
been up a while. Not sure how long. But I was on fire, when I
woke. Wanted to get the trash and recycling, together and out, before
the trucks. Which... I definitely did. If, in part, because they
won't be here until tomorrow. :) I love a good joke.
Recycling is in the barrel, trash... I will look through things and see about
more trash. But, it is ready, mostly. Just two bags, with room in
each, needing to be filled and tied closed, then taken out. Hopefully I
can finish that all by bedtime, and have the barrels out. Oh, and I need
to get a series of checks in for utilities. A smaller (than usual) catch
up check... say $150? Then a series of $45 checks, to pay the bill and
then some. Get ahead a bit. I do what I can.
It looks like the sun is out! For how long, or how out, I couldn't quite
be certain. Not awake enough to do a good scan, just a sense. I
was so excited, sitting, thinking of the prospect, that I had to go
look. No, clear skies. Not even hazy. Beautiful spring
day! Only 26 out there? Ah, but... so bright, if crisp!
I may have to try to push through the dishes, to get a shower... and trim or
shave... then find a trail. Just... a while. Take a small pack,
with some food and water... more in case I go a little longer. Trekking
poles, a small pack, a couple of mre's (my least favored of them, so I am less
likely to eat them save necessity), and a canteen or two of water, one
unfilled, rolled up, with the water purifier... if I'm not sure there is any
water up in the particular hills I am headed. When half the water or all
my energy is gone, back down? Yes.
If the hike is as crazy hard as I have heard, it won't be a long hike.
Might even, yet, run into snow before too long. Ice would be the
scariest thing, as steep as it is. Though, at some level of steepness,
snow and ice are similarly murderous. Well... it's a thought. I...
need to try. It is on my list. We will see.
Dreamed of her. Nothing fancy, just... a woman. To talk with,
argue with, love... hate, touch. My best worst frienemy. With
boobs. I tried not to look, but she tried to make me look when I was
trying not to look. I... had ways of paying her back. I really
have enjoyed my time, with women types. Mostly. I really need to
get back in the saddle. Even if I say mean things, it's... somewhere
between sour grapes and avoidance. Mostly. :p
Medicine, first thing. Back down to just two water pills, and that... so
far... seems okay. I took eight a day, for five days to a week.
Had to, three wasn't doing it, five wasn't doing it, and my legs were getting
so big they hurt, and weighed me down. Sometimes you have to treat the
symptom, at all costs. So... I did. Blood sugar is
166 fasting. Not great, but
back toward trend of lower than the day before, if not back to as low as it
had been. A... start. I have been taking a few four to eight cc
doses during the day. More... a guess... because I shouldn't need
insulin, with what I am eating! My volumes are small, it is clean keto,
higher proteins (which may, at times, be a problem... more than a particular
guru thinks?). Perhaps, for extra protein, you have to work out, or at
least be active, and starting medicine has me a bit extra crippled.
So... I... end up getting the extra protein jammed into carbs? I'll...
cut protein, by half, until I am back, almost literally, on my feet.
All you can do is try. Try, work, aim, hope, pray, and do what that is
available. I feel like a racecar, put up in a museum, or a fantastic
violin, put in a glass case... dusted and oiled, just preserved, no allowed to
race or sing, just to be looked at. It is a horrible thing. I was
made to... do things. Good things, bad things, depends on... who you
are. Can you do bad things for good reasons? I'm... no longer
convinced, but when War dances, what happens happens. Amen.
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