Pushing things.

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My heart is racing a bit too much, all my stats are high and have been for a while. I am not sure if the flu will do that. I do know I will have to back away from caffeine a goodly bit. I think that is the one thing I can do to positively affect these things. Then again, it may just be nearing my time. I am already an anomaly. I have beaten death and had experiences most people will never see or do. In a way it is incredible. In another way, it leads me to... wonder. Not always in a good way. Still, if I can beat this one too, somehow, I will. Breathing is a bit labored as well. The breathing might be causing the continuous elevation of stats. It is sometimes difficult to be sure what is causing what. I just know it has been running too rich for too long and I need to find out how to slow it down a bit.

I best call and make sure my appointment is Monday. It might be next month. Life gets a little funky around the gills when I am in a rut as I have been for a bit now. Just... trust but verify. Either way, I need to remember the urine test. The instructions are odd, so I best find those. I think I start tonight if I am going to do it for tomorrow... Never mind, if that is how they want it done, that is how I will do it. A quick review suggests not, so... Tomorrow I will finally complete that.

Good night. Sleep well. Dream the perfect dream, then live it. Start from where you are and there you go. And I do mean that. Or go pout, shout, jump, or run. None of that will improve your life, living your dream will. You can do it if I can, and I certainly am, even bound by the chains of my failing flesh. :p

Chilly day, but, really?

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Woke this morning, got to waking up, but kept feeling chilled. It was a hard chill. Pajamas on? Check. Room heat on? Check? So I grabbed a little blanket. Still chilly? Check. On I go, through the morning and into the afternoon... *BAM* It hits me. Is the furnace still off? I turned it while airing the house yesterday. Check, off indeed. Luckily the temp only got down to 60 F, inside anyway. Outside is more than just a bit chilly. My guess is today is a bundle up day. Ah well, no harm no foul, so long as I can thaw soon enough. I know, 60 is not all that cold. But when you are used to warmer (66 F is what I keep it at), and the room heater is probably totally insufficient to the heat demand without the furnace on a bit, the difference is noticeable.

I will get the trash and recycling out tonight. I will not move the bins, simply put all that is going out in the bins in anticipation. If I wait until the last minute I may simply not have the gumption when I remember at 23:00 to 1:00 to push on and get the trash together, trundle it out, and then haul the bin to the curb. If all I have to do is one of those, or even a little bit of gathering and then the trip to the curb, I should be fine. Saving everything for the last minute means all or nothing. Most versus nothing is far superior and actually if set up right will almost guarantee all rather than most which is better than hit or miss. Not that it truly matters, this is just me trying to get every bit of willful action accomplished as possible. It is all I have, can give, can do. I need it.

Looks like I cannot go to Ogden Monday, as I have an appointment in SLC. Well, I could, but time gets pinched and I doubt if my friend wants to be out all day, driving that far. So, I will reschedule Ogden for Tuesday. I do not think he will mind. I will be seeing the psychologist again. I think. We will see. I have received what he recommended for medication but I will not be taking that until and unless the rest of the regimen is also implemented. That is how this show works. On some things, it has to be pretty much all or nothing, but middling does not work and has been proven to not work.

When Sam wants attention, and I am not too grumpy, she will come up here and lay over one of my hands WHILE I am typing. Oh, I try to ignore her. But it is so funny to me that, eventually, I quit typing and give her some scrathie itchies and pets. She slays me this way! I wrote most of this, until right before this paragraph, with a Sam-o across my right hand. Both of us, I guess, are single minded or stubborn or patient or something. She won this time.

Have a great day. Have an orange julius. Oh, I think I am becoming addicted to those. A couple a week really is a taste treat. I am sure it is nutritionally good, even with a couple teaspoons of sugar, but that is not the point. Go out and have something tasty... It is worth it. Better yet, make it yourself! Not sure how I ever came to think to even make it at home, the orange julius. First time, only ever knew what they were long after I had one, and it has been a decade since I found out what they were. Do not love the world, eat it! Ciao... (no pun intended... he is lying)

Not as cranky today.

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I did not need a pry bar to get my neck turning this morning. It was also less sore. I stayed up a bit late last night so slept in a bit late. No worries, as I have said once in a while, just as a slip or change or desert, it is fine. A handful of aspirin this morning, and I am thinking I will be just fine. I need to get to eating a bit more, and adding salt, for the urinalysis tomorrow. I've been trying. Then again, I have been eating at restaurants a bit lately, and as I have it this should have made consuming a high salt diet easy.

The weather moved back in. I have not been out but it seems more chill. It sure looks gruff out there. I am not sure what I am going to get to today, but I would like some more of the kitchen knocked off and some straightening in the living room. Not a lot of work, unless I can manage getting on a roll. Then, like a bowling ball, I would knock chores over in herds.

I might try, finally, to get to cleaning my .22's. They all need it. I think my .45 is fine, but it could always use some spit and shine, minus the spit of course in this case. I really want to get out and unload a box or two .45s and a hundred or two .22s. If I can find the random orbit sander I want, I might even have my reloading station together by then and be able to bring my fresh cases home for some polish and refirb. How long does it take me to do something? How long did it take you to just lick through a bubble gum middle loly? So hush it. I am getting there. And you cheated on the loly. So, again, hush.

Well, on to waking up a bit. But first, from our sponsor. If you feel no one loves you, you are misunderstood, and nothing is going your way, look in the mirror. Your looks do not matter, your brains or heart are not the point, if these things are happening, the person in the mirror is playing the lead role in that. So, get off your butt and get to it. Make yourself useful, approachable, and just say hello. I might hide in a cave, and would regardless to a lesser degree. But more, I am stuck here more than not. If you do not have a reason, do not be in here with me. Heck, help me get out! Damn it all anyway. Even I find women... rather easy to meet. My problem is follow up and remembering, like a squirrel, where those nuts where. *evil grins* But I keep a-looking. Which is not bad all by itself. If I really do find one, the expression will be a fantastic one. Think... the expression on the dogs face, if it had humanish features, the first time it actually... catches a car after years of chasing. Ruh-rho... Hey, I am an honest man. Any man with a bone of truth in him knows that catching a woman is way out of our paygrade. It is a God inspired and developed trap. Not for or against us, but to ensure life. Yeah. Out of our paygrade to be certain. But there it is! *woof*

Doh!

Just some thoughts.

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Have you heard that stimulus money is going to anti-tobacco and anti-sugar advertising? I would bet it is going for other such advertisements, legal expenses, and other costs. Of course, some of that money is also going to subsidies FOR those industries, as the government continues to subsidize at least sugar production (which has raised the price of sugar, which has caused a switch to corn syrup, which has raised the cost of corn, which... well, you know). So, the government is subsidizing both sides. At what point do we pigeonhole the whole rotten organization, reset the laws, and pretty much start from scratch? It has to happen. We cannot afford to be for what we are against. Especially since we, collectively, should not be involved in most of that anyway.

Hang them? Shoot them? Meh, just force them to live off their own programs for a while. Sending them to Cuba would fix that. But... do not ever bring them home. That is my vote.

Costs.

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No, the new oil was not put in free. The price difference was $50, which I did have to pay. I was not looking for a free ride anyway, and there was no extra cost, so I will not complain. They did have it that I used full synthetic the last times so they bit whatever their loss was. After putting my vehicle in, I hiked to my see my friend. I really do move. I do not go as fast as someone on a bike but most people would be hard pressed to keep up with me, more so if any distance is involved. I simply do not like sitting still or barely moving. In my X, on foot, whatever, the operative notion is... go! go! go! Get there, get done, get back, sthu. Do it! And, I do.

I do have some sort of respiratory problem. My breathing is heavy, labored a bit. Probably flu leftovers or even active infection. It does not seem to slow me down or cause a shortness of breath, it just means breathing takes a bit more effort regardless. I am still achy, more so in the morning. I also seem to have small fevers occasionally. Nothing brutal, just a pain in the thorn as no one says but me.

I did shop around for the random orbit sander of choice. It was not to be found. I found the second and third, but really, I want the top choice. It is not the priciest, prettiest, or biggest name. It is not American made. (Though, after some consideration on American made I have come to the conclusion that the difference between a foreign owned company in the U.S., a U.S. company using union work (and often foreign (Chinese parts) anyway, and pure Chinese work... all equate to about the same thing, save that Chinese workers are cheaper. Quality differences favor foreign non-union U.S. manufacturing.) Ridgid is the brand. A 2.2 or 3 amp model, if it has variable speed on it, is perfect. Bosche is next on my list, but not really in the running. It has to do with various speeds of doing things. So, I skipped buying one for now. When we go to Ogden I will look at some tool stores there. After looking at those, my friend picked up some reloading kit, then on to lunch. An omelet, sausage, and iced tea (unsweetened altogether, thank you).

When I got home, the sun was shining and it was a fantastic day. I do not know that it reached 50 F, but I opened the front door and two of the larger windows. Oh, so nice to have fresh air in. Perhaps that will induce me to work on the dishes. I did clean the toilet today. Twice, actually. Protein is very difficult to get off even porcelain. I do not care what they say about bleach, it works and I use it. Though I do use a sort that has been blended or modified to work better in bathrooms. Further, I picked up my mail. And more, I may go back out and have a solo dinner out. An excuse to fill the gas tank.

I did order the Christmas presents for my friend, finally. And 3 pair of size 40 pants and 2 size 38. I still have not returned the others, but... yeah... I am on that. I also ordered a couple of portable seats, one with back support, for shooting. After an hour out there, a seat seems more of a necessity than a want. The legs are adjustable to from 16 to 23 inches, and independently so that slopes are not as much of a problem. They have large feet so they will not sink into mushy soil. They can handle 500 pounds, so I should be good. And the legs detach to be stored in the body of the seat, making them very portable, both are under 6 pounds. We will see. If they work, I am guessing there will be times were we will fight over the one with a back. Still, I wanted one without. Oh, and they swivel. We will see. Hey, I needed these things, if I should have sent the other package back first. Bah, I will, I will.

I best get going before it gets too late. McDonalds is not great, but it would help with some binding I have been having. And it is cheap. Whenever my stool becomes compacted, both the grease, size, and... something else from a McDonalds meal, seem to be the juice to makes it all loose. Faster than prunes, more sure than even exlax. In case you ever have that problem. And, no, I am not going to tinker with applicators or gloved hands. Not so long as McDonalds is still around.

Later, or more likely, good night.

Out!

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I finally contacted the service department at the dealership. They will fix the problem, no problems. Since I will be in town tomorrow I called to see if my friend wanted to kick the can around town. He had planned to pick up some bullets, so I suggested if he did not mind me staying at his place until the oil is changed I would offer a ride and we could have breakfast at one of the local places. Deal, he said. I am also going to do a spot review of random orbit sanders tonight. I have looked before but was broke and was going to be for a while. Looking just at Lowe's, their offerings only ran up to about $70, so... I want to see what I had bookmarked if I still have it and compare. Either Lowe's or Home Depot will have what I need, want, depending on brand and sometimes merely different price ranges for the same brands.

As well, I plan to start a high salt diet and take my 24 hour urinalysis this Sunday and take it to Ogden Monday. I asked if he would like to go along. As I suspected, he wants to buy more bullets, 9mm. He would also like to find Vit~ something, a foreign reloading powder. I think that stuff is pwnd by big name gunners and the rich though, so I doubt if either of us will ever see a bit of that. Still, it is fun to look. Who knows, a noob store stocker might just bungle in the jungle. I would walk out with an armful of the stuff if I found it. He would only grab one, of course (then buy some off me a bit at a time).

A chat with my mom went well tonight. It is good to call when life is cheery. The cat and kit keep me pretty cheery. Even when I get down right flustered, I have to chuckle. Oh, I might even rage, and shake the branches, and give chase. Much like the ape who was tricked into being Bugs Bunnies "father", they wear me out and then just run circles around me. *poke-poke* *UGH!* *ugh?* *poke* *zzzzz* That is just the way it goes.

Have a great night. Sleep well.

A bit more done.

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Another stack of dishes. Not much but maybe a feeder for more to come. Dinner was pretty lame but edible. Breaded chicken breast, baked in the oven. A glass of milk and mustard topped it off. Yeah, I know, but it was cheap, quick, easy enough, and works. I really hate dinners like that, but they do happen.

I keep think about the sigma designation, and alpha, and the rest. Bunk, mostly, is what I honestly think. I have played all those roles, and it depends more on where my moral codes are, or perhaps if I lack them at points in my life, how flush I am, how secure I feel and believe my position to be, and how interested I am in something. If you are truly discussing a sex player, jerks like that are everywhere. Many of them are nowhere near as successful as the alpha misnomer they receive. They are considered hoods. Sure, once in a while they hook up with a decent girl and either ruin her or break her heart. Most of the time players work on other players in a big game of sexual freedom silliness that has helped to end the West. They know how to wiggle but they were never taught why, while living in a world too cynical to bother to ask. Like feminists, they are dead on arrival. Genetic suicide is the same whether it is male or female based.

Of course, that is second fiddle to the reality that America is sinking, and being sunk internally and externally. The current administration, China, and Soros, to name some of the big players. But do not count out the littler fish, like Turner and Hollywood. Groups like PETA and ELF think they are part of the game though they are merely the rejects who could not make it into the big league. Punks are no more welcome in the elite left than they are in mainstream America. I have not heard of much ELF or ALF activity lately. Busy running and hiding? Out of money since dad and mom are out of work and cannot pay your bills? Something. Aw, too bad! Then again, half of them are probably just as busy becoming muslim to try, again, in their failed ways, to BE SOMEBODY.

I really want to try and figure out how to get out. Looking out the window is no fun, but it has been all I have been able to do, so far. I am not sure what I want to do when I escape my man-cave. Maybe just look at the women. Yeah, that is still an enjoyable past-time. I might even talk to a few of them. They have funny voices, you know. *twitter twitter tweet twitter* But I like it. Just like my kitties, I often do not understand a word out of their mouths, but it sounds like it might be good. *twitter* Hello to you too, I think. *tweet* Oh, sure. Whatever you say. Hah.

Good night. Sleep well. Say a prayer for someone in need, someone who is hungry, someone who is tired, someone who is joyous, someone who is gracious, and someone who needs it. God bless.

What the...?

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I have been sore every single morning for two weeks or more now. Aspirin and Tylenol are not getting it, not even heavy doses. I have tried one pillow and two. I have gone to bed both early and late, rising both a little early and late. None of it matters. Every morning I wake feeling like I was in an accident recently. The pain never leaves. It does lessen, through the day, but it is there all day long. My neck is cranky and getting fixed in position. I have no idea what this is. The boosters? All my other symptoms are gone, could this be a holdover? Ouch.

I finally called and made an appointment with my primary care. We will see then if any of this means anything. Probably not. If you ever saw that poster asking if it was always illegal to kill a woman, she IS that woman. Do not get me wrong. I think in certain instances, she is exactly what is needed. My guess she has sown the guts of dying men together, holding parts that most "clinical" surgeons simply would not believe could be out while the patient still lives. She has done and seen things most doctors and surgeons will never understand. Just a guess, something about her eyes, her stance. She is a ghost too. I respect some things about her. I just do not agree with her, and think on this one she is playing it overly safe. I think she had a bad one like this. She forgets that two men in similar situations are not the same men. A man with few moral connections and no powerful links to or belief in life is not like me. Is there such a thing as too much, no matter what? Yeah. But this is not it. My failsafe is to stop taking meds, even for a few days, to catch my breath if needed. Longer if it just is not working. And I will cut the orders if that is required. Not quite self medication, as I will discuss what and why with the doctor and let them have input (including ending a script). I am, mostly, honest with them. I quit once in a while just to clear the baffles anyway. No, doctors do not like that at all. Anyway, it is set up.

Sam is going out frequently now. Sassy will not even go out without being in my arms, then on my lap. Poor thing is terrified. I will have to slowly allow her more time out there. And be with her. On my lap if need be. I know she is a natural born mouser, not like some cats I have had. When she tastes that first mouse, she will do just fine outdoors. Sam can no longer "beat her up". Sassy, if not truly larger, is certainly fatter. Sam can still dominate, when she really wants to, but she has found that "hollering" and waving the paw works a ton better than trying to rush in and take 'teh kitteh' down. That does not fair so well for her. Too, way too, funny. No, I do not play favorites unless one has made it to my short list on a temp basis. Even then I only cheer for one or the other, verbally, and castigate the other, that and chuckle. No eyes have gone missing, so I am all good with their hen house posturing.

I need to get cleaned up, get the house in order (it is frozen in time to the point in which I cleaned it in the last shove), get outdoors, and do something. Like I said, just staying up and keeping a day schedule has been an absolute bear. I am doing that but nothing more. Things are slipping around me, I see it. But like the juggler with his hands more than full, another ball in the air does not seem wise. Who put the ice under me and wetted it too, I would like to know. And do not even look at me with mirth in your eye and another ball in your hand. Might take me a week or three to get to you, but it will hurt when I do. Just... sayin'.

Anyway, have a good day.

Wow, that one almost hurt.

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I have been doing... fairly well at getting up and going to bed. Sleep time is slipping, getting later and later. Mornings have occasionally slipped, but I seem to be holding the line to some degree. That has been the struggle for a bit now. Little is happening, life is hand to mouth as that battle rages. A battle of turtles, in a way. Nothing happens very fast, no one really gets hurt, but the intensity really is there. Waking early today felt like a victory. I made it to almost noon, and, wham! I saw it coming in my consciousness' rear-view mirror. Like a bicyclist on a highway with a semi bearing down on him, I peddled all my heart and worked the gears and angles for every ounce of speed. The end result... Sleep semi one, cyclist a drooling mess. I do not even remember the collision! Ah, but it was an interesting race to stay awake. Short and bitter-sweet. I do feel like I was run over, too.

I missed getting the trash out. Not vital, I have a big bin which holds many (if I am insistent and I can be) bags. I rarely dispose of two full bags of trash a week. And it is cool enough still that holding trash over a week is no odoriferous affair. It is not that I miss something I intend, it is that I did not do what I meant to do that is important. The action itself, often, is just considered less than important. In this way, most of us have some similarities. Some of you do much more, and have more shots at success (and failure). My chances are few, therefore more important to my sense of satisfaction. Life is difficult when you only have a few shots at self worth and miss even these. I have learned to live with my own disappointment. Though I am no happier with it than anyone else who has shared my life. The only difference is that I have to live with it, they can and have moved on.

Well, I should get to tinkering. Imagine, too tired to play games? Wow, yeah, that hurts. Still, it could (and does) bring a little grin to my face. Sort of like when a child tries to stay up to do something and the nap monster gets them mid-whatever. *chuckles* There is that.

Dupes, suckers, and stooges.

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Well, that is, if you only count the more naive and ignorant of the media lot. Those reporters who are sympathetic and more to the rioters in Egypt. Letting young lions out of their cages in a civilized land is, at best, unwise. It should be, in any sane nation or sane people, be considered atrocious. And there the media is, touting the benefits of revolt, knowing darn well the people behind the most focused aspect of the thing are dead set against freedom and have the power to shape most of any new government. What is probably forming is another Iran or former Iraq. Saddling children and grandchildren of the West with yet another type of debt. That at a time where the children of the West are being slaughtered, where for generations we have been living off their blood and that price is about to come due. I no longer worry about muslims actually taking over. There will be nothing to take over. They will be fighting Mexicans, we will be dead by the time they could actually stage something.

I know, feeling cheery and I thought I should share. Oh, and happy Valentines Day:)

Bed time keeps creeping out. I am going to have to do something to keep that from continuing. More sun is shining in, for longer, and at an improved latitude... or is that longitude? Anyway, I think that is part of it. The more sun, the longer I stay awake. Hibernation and the opposite seem to be in my blood. In any case, after going to bed a bit too late to comfortably being up this early, I consciously asked my body to rise early. I thought about it and tried to let my body implement the plan. It did so. At a little before 6:00 my eyes opened. I did lay there for a bit. I had a headache and was not sure I wanted to rise immediately. A bit of time unwinding from sleep and the headache dissipated. Had I simply popped up, like I too often do, I would be nursing the darn thing all day. Then again, as every red and green blooded fellow American knows, just lying there is just asking for it. No, your boss, wife, children, grandchildren, do NOT understand. Painkillers only help just so much, though too. I guess some days you just have to roll the dice no matter what you do. *shake* *rattle* *roll* Seven!

Well, enough of all the joy. Time to get busy doing something. I need to try and get the trash out today too. Bother, but it is needed. Have a great day! Trash, Valentines, despotic media, headaches, the end of Western Civ... what could go wrong? And remember, you read it first here.

Sleeping in.

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Up a bit too late last night, and I had a few beers. I was into trying to get something done and kept on failing. So, I kept trying. I never succeeded in my project, though I will keep trying. And, I do not mind. Once in a while, and on the weekend, I will not complain. I do not think it is all bad to sleep in once in a while if it is a bad thing to do regularly even on the weekends. It is a bad idea for me, anyway.

The weather is fantastic here. There is little snow left. After the thaw that saw to it that I did not need to shovel, blow the snow, or whatever else, all snow we have received has melted rather quickly. It would not, however, be a great time to be in the back country. I am sure they have tons of snow yet, very unstable snow. I have not yet seen an avalanche and would personally prefer not to do so. I will wait until the mountains are a summerized before venturing forth.

I am hoping, if we can get me on the right meds, that I will be out this summer. Even a hike a week or every other week would be good. I need to find places which are a bit off the beaten path, not full out demanding, offer places where I may just crash for a bit if needed, learn what is required in the way of food and latrine prep, check my gear, and just get out. I was trying too hard to figure too many places out last year and just bogged down. Just "go and do" does not get it in a place where a twisted ankle, a sudden drop, or even a steep roll could end up quickly becoming life threatening. There is too much attention to detail, which freezes the whole project up too. Balance. That seems to be the key.

Have a great day. Avoid wooden nickles, the people that offer them, and all that jazz.