Couldn't get going.

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So very tired.  Too tired.  Had hoped to shower, get out, do dishes, and else.  Just... barely able to stand for long.

I did make eggs, and heated some of the bacon I fried earlier in the week.  I used parchment paper.  And, yes, it works.

I seasoned the pans yesterday, so didn't want to get them messy today.  Seasoned, then lightly oiled after.  I prefer coconut oil, of the oils I have.  Though would truly prefer tallow or leaf fat lard.  I just don't have those currently.

The eggs and bacon turned out very good.  Hungry, still, but... that will do for now.

I'm not in good condition.  So very tired.  A bit sore.  Hungry, even after eating.  I had a bit of salad earlier, with what was left of the ranch dressing.  I need to make more mayo, then ranch and blue cheese dressing.

As well, I need to thaw meat, and pull bone stock.  I just... I can't keep things going.  I'll try.  Tomorrow, or through the week.  Difficult days.  I have pushed a bit hard and am paying the price.

It did get up to 35 or 36 today.  So it is slowly melting off.  All icicles are gone, finally.  Or... were.  Some might be created through the night?  If it stays warmer, though, those just won't stay around.  I had one that was my height in hanging length, maybe more.  We just hadn't had warm weather in months.

I'll try to get to bed earlier tonight.  Then, hopefully, be up earlier in the morning.  No guarantee.  A hope.  I'd like to get to church tomorrow, not sure that is possible.  Just so very tired, worn, hurting.  I won't take painpills until, perhaps, the middle of the week, if needed.  I need to suffer through, and painpills, even mild ones, aren't the best for a body.

Later, or goodnight.  

Awake...

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Not sure when I went to bed.  I think around 21:30?  At the latest.  Maybe as early as 19:30.  I just... don't remember.  20:30?  If I had to guess, after a bit of thought, I'd say that last.  I tried to wake up from 5:30 on.  Didn't crawl out, couldn't, until about 8:30.  Even then, it was a difficult task.

A bit sore today, if not as bad as it has been.  And, I would bet the pain will ease, by itself, without painkillers.  Oh, nothing fancy, as far as painkillers.  Generic tylenol, asperin with caffeine, or acetaminophen asperin and caffeine, depending how severity, and frequency of use.  Caffeine, along with the pain of the broken foot, was causing nausea, thus generic tylenol.

Still, rather tired, a bit sore, and just not moving along all that well.  Had hoped to get to church.  May, may not.  If not, tomorrow.  If not tomorrow, this week.  I do what I can, when I can.  Will do my best.  God knows that is as good as it gets.  Sometimes I simply can't function.

I tried to explain.

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I did lift, bench, 600 pounds at one time.  Some guys think it's impossible, and mocked.  Others wondered if I was huge.  Well, no.  While it was two and a half times my body then weight, exactly, it wasn't as impressive as it might sound.  First, I weight 240 then.  Second, world class is closer to three times the body weight.  So I was a long way away.

I found an example.  And, further, these were body builders.  I was not a body builder.  I was a strength trainer.  So, I didn't work on increasing the size of my chest, or arms.  I did a very different group of workouts.  So, I really didn't build much muscle.  It didn't really show, which was embarassing at the time.  In one sense.  Talking about it, without looking like it, anyway.  Once in the gym, all was good.

The reason many people think strength would induce big muscles is because of what body builders do, both by exercise and by steroids.  Even the old body builders were bigger than strength lifters.  Just by the sorts of workouts they did.  I looked like a solid swimmer.  I had a 31 inch waist, weighed 240.  I had big enough arms, but they didn't look like body builder arms, or chest.

Just... tired.

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I am seasoning my high carbon pans.  Once I sorted them out, I like them a great deal more than cast pans.  Lighter, browns better in my opinion, easier to clean... a number of things.  They rust, like cast.  And require care.  But... once set up, unless I leave them to soak, they do better, for longer, than cast.

After they have finished their second coat, and cooled a second time, I may try to use one to fry eggs, with parchment paper and some butter.  I'm curious if it will work.  Sometimes I think it is bogus, sometimes I think it is reasoanble.  Only one way to find out.

Seven more calls today.  I need to look up the program that is offering to help, and shut it down.  It is probably broadcasting my number to spam calling services, trying to push me into joining their devious, information gathering/stealing program.  Nope.  Not a single call has rung through.  Nor will it.  Unless I joing that thieving company.  Then  only those they allow through would get through.  But, they would get all my phone data, to be used however they wanted.

Windy.  Up to 41, but so very windy.  I keep going out back, shoveling the water from the area where it drains.  It had been a large puddle, now it's just a small puddle.  I can't get much more off, out.  But... this helps.  Then I won't have an ice sheet, or as big of when, when it freezes back up.

Quite the windstorm.  No rain with it, or snow, for now.  If I think that will happen.  Whatever California gets, or what remains of it, will get here before too long.  And it sure looks like they are, or will, get slammed... with snow, and rain, and else.  And for a while.  

I just can't get going!  Ugh.  I'll keep trying.  I have things to do.  A shower to take.  Preparations for tomorrow.  I'll keep at it, if possible.  Or... won't.  We'll see.  Later.

Still getting bogus calls.

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I have received five just this monring, so far.  Seven?  Dump them into files, lock those away, keep the phone from ringing to unknowns.  I had seven or eight files locked up, before the company broke my phone.

Called my mother.  We disagree on things.  She is hoping the her grandkids, my nieces, don't marry younger.  I am hoping at least one does.  The other?  Doubtful.  Have children when young.  You even hit thirty, and... it may well be over, especially if she has been on the pill the whole time.  Beside messing with reproductive capacity, the pill makes them not good at finding, choosing, a viable mate.  They... seem to seek losers, when on the pill.  True fact, look it up.

Whatever.  What will happen will happen.  But, we disagree on that.  There isn't, really, for most women, a later.

They got snow there too, recently.  I don't think they have as much stack up.  And, they have already had days into the 40s.  I think the warmest I have seen it is... today actually?  It was 37 when I looked, if I saw it rightly.  Feels colder, and as if there is wet on the wind.  But there is a puddle flooding onto my back stoop.  With the snow piled up, the ground still frozen, and that stoop a bit caved in... or the cement having fallen in just a bit, it collects water until it has better places to go, or at least a thawed ground which will accept it through the edges.  We had one other day that was 36, that I saw.  But, mostly, it has otherwise been below freezing, or just at 32 for a few other "warmer" days.

I did go looking for offal, of grass fed and finished.  First online.  The prices were a bit too steep.  I can't afford steak at those prices.  Then again, these wouldn't be for more than once a week.  Even so, that's... a bit out of my range.  Not sure the quality difference is that high.

Still, there are local shops.  Not sure I trust, completely.  Not even sure they have access to offal.  Some of them pay a local butcher company for sides, then process from there.  Not even sure you could definitely get the grade you pay for, or grass fed.  Can't trust anyone these days.  Still, will call... see if some of these shops can and will obtain better quality offal.  Can't believe tongue is so expensive.  It used to be a cheaper cut.  It's not my favorite, so I won't pay it.  If it were cheap, I would buy it as a cheap cut.  Even heart, liver, and kidney are overpriced, from what I have seen.  Would like to try sweatbreads, haven't even seen those.  Only on calves, by the time the animal gets to adult, or close enough, those are gone from the animal.

Odd though.  For as warm as that seems, 37 F?  It really is cold out there.  I suppose the wet in the air, the freeze still from the ground snow, the wind?  Yea, it's... cold.  It's not even shining.  I am pretty sure this weather is more lethal than drier colder weather.

I did get the parchment paper.  So, perhaps today or tomorrow, I will try to fry eggs with it.  Just... curious.  And, I can pull a package of fish, and cook it in that as well.  Along with some veggies, butter, and lemon.  I like the idea.

On to... something.  Gaming?  Yes.  Then, if I can wake, to dishes and cleaning and such.  Later.

A bit better.

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Not sure when I went to bed.  20:30, 22:30?  Eight to ten thirty, for you yahoos.  I woke about a quarter after seven?  give or take a quarter.  Feeling generally better.  The pains have eased.  Some are gone, some are still there but lighter.  Good.  Sleepy still, tired... on the inside.  But doing much better, all around.

Sassy has been fed, I am having kefir.  Waking on the machine.  A shower, in a bit.  Dishes set up after.  The freezertop cleared and cleaned both for dishes in a bit, and to pull bone broth out as I pull liver out.  Liver and onions tomorrow night.  Kidneys Wednesday?  Yes.

Oh, I did look up rancidity.  And, almond and coconut flour go rancid rather quickly.  Should have known that.  So much fat in those.  Good fats, I suppose.  But yes.  As to oat fiber and wheat gluten, those last much longer.  Very little fat.  Though, it depends on how they are stored, but can last a decade.  I haven't stored them the best, but not the worst either.  I think they should still be good.  I will toss the old flours though.

I do have fresh, and may get more... but keep it where it will last a bit longer.  Not upstairs at room temp, especially in hot summers.  Though, with mice, I really need a container which will keep them out.  Damned things get in everything.  Sure, I have means of killing them, but that has to be an ongoing project.  Anytime I slow down, new ones move in.  Can't kill them fast enough, especially in this cold snowy winter.

Yes, dishes, a shower, sorting more clothes, and maybe some cleaning in the bathroom and hallway... finally.  Perhaps even taking down some boxes.  Who knows.  Gaming inbetween.  And maybe some food works.  Hard to tell.  Later.

Goodnight.

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I'll say a heavier prayer tonight.  Getting to bed earlier, should be able to do an half hour prayer.  I'll try to give ten minutes of quiet listening after.  Fifteen minutes if possible.  We'll see.  Yea, I'll get most of you, and sometimes two or three times.  The powerful, the meek, the wise, fools, and the tweeners.  I wear a lot of shoes, don't know about you, but even I get hit a lot.

Tired, but better.  Sleepy.  Sore.  Weary.  But grateful to be so.  I love it when I can push through to exhaustion, even physical pain from using muscles enough, or muscles which haven't been used in a while.  Something about being sore, weary, tired, and the rest that... reminds me that I have things to do.

I don't pray to God to relieve the pain.  I request that he accept my suffering with joy, on both sides I hope.  I work in His honor.  In part to create the gifts as mentioned.  I can't give much money, but I can give this.  And the humility that comes with it.

Sleep well.  Goodnight.

A bunch of calls.

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All bogus.  Then a pop, offering "protection" from scam calls.  Gotcha.  No.  The protection service is not only intrusive, and eliminates security... they simply sell access to a more limited crew of crooks... the one that pay them.  Further, their security protocols open you up to their snooping.  No thanks, I have... means of dealing with those.

I ended up getting about eight calls, within fifteen minutes.  Easy enough to fix.  Fixed.  I can't believe people trust google, verizon, or any of the other even big name companies to protect them.  They are the ones who are creating or allowing the calls.  And they absue any information they get, selling it or giving it to fellow crooks in return for their information.

Nope.  I'll fix it myself.  Have.

Gaming, mostly, today.  Munching on sprouts, eating kefir.  Just not up to cooking today.  Maybe tomorrow.  Though... probably everything I have out is... bad.  I'll toss it and pull other meat out.  Burger, liver, and a roast of some sort sounds about right.  I have to admit, going out for supper tonight sounds good.  But I just don't have the money.  At least for this and the rest of the month.  So... I'll... just have more kefir.  And, maybe sardines.  Nothing fancy, but it works for me.

I just can't pull out of the dive.  Tired.  I've pushed things for a goodly while now.  Hopefully to mass this weekend.  And, maybe, beginning to weekly mass, at least once next week.  As well, as cleaning and working on a few things hereabouts.  After a few days rest, save for mass, over the weekend.

The painpills did help with the body aches.  For now.  The rest of the weekend I will just endure.  I've given myself a few days off.  And, really, that is as much pain relief as I could hope for, in a row.  Almost surprised the painpills worked, save that it is from physical effort, given my condition.  So, maybe that is the difference?  It has been good to have some relief.  It's been rough, even if I have been keeping at it.

Well, on to a bite and... something.  Later.  Possibly goodnight.  Not going to bed really soon, just might not get back here tonight.  Or... maybe.  

I hurt.

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Shoulders, arms, legs, and tension all over on top of it.  Torso is good, no headache.  I've had much worse.  This is just from getting up, showering, doing the little else I did, including walking collecting tools, and such.  But... not from yesterday.  From doing things three times a week, to town, driving, etc.

All good though.  And, in the cold, and snow, and still somewhat dark.  Not a bad little run.  Especially for the season.  This has been a diamond in the rough run.  And, as I have mentioned, I love pushing beyond my means... when I can.  Surprised I haven't crashed, hard.

Kefir might help, especially as much as I drink.  Eating sprouts, too.  Mostly carnivore, other than those things.  If kefir might be a... type of carnivore.  For those who can handle it, taking away the lactose to feed the symbiotics, makes the stuff solid.  And those sprouts.  Gotta admit, they aren't... tasty?  I've just been eating them a pinch at a time, as I pass by.  Sort of beginning to like the odd taste.  But, really?  I think it is as good as veggies get, for human consumption.  

My guess is the early hunter gatherers started eating such things.  First just to... put something in the belly.  Then, after a time, they learned which ones satisfied better than others.  Eventually, they began trying to cultivate, or at least stear their hunts through areas more rich in these.  And, just a pinch here and there.  Never really filling up on it.  Just... a pinch, from time to time... to spare the plant, make sure it would regro, as well... hoping a meat meal would pop over the next hill, around the next bend, down the next draw.  I can see it in my mind.  I realize my connection to those people as I pinch a bit of the stuff off, and tuck it in, chew it.  It's... not meat, but it is something until meat is available.

Painkillers.  I think so.  I used them yesterday.  I will today again.  I don't like to do that, twice in a row.  But, this is actual muscle and bone weariness pains.  Not chemical problems from medicine, or the bad heart.  This is from pushing a tired old body for weeks.  So... I am trying to create a minor relief, so as to heal a bit easier.

I won't be pushing it today.  Though I would like to try to get a few things done.  A few dishpans of dishes, trash and recycling sorted, and cleaning the bathroom.  Just a touchup in there.  The toilet is clean, I started working on the bathroom sink... plus figured out why it was draining so slowly and have nearly fixed that.  Just want to sweep and mop the floor, then finish with the sink drain reset.  Hair in the mechanism.  Had to pull the mechanism, but was running late to get to the oil change, then was worn out when I returned.

Work, work, work, money, money, money.  But... I'm... trying, getting there, moving along.  Oh, and I have figured out some things I had been worried about.  Compression socks which won't bind as much.  I have short, long, and longer now.  It takes a bit to get it right, and costs money.  But, I think it works out, eventually.  Everything I do is difficult, until it is sorted, and done.  Then it's a matter of keeping up.

Well... on to fixing something to eat.  Then... I don't know.  Dishes?  Sure.  Bit by bit, I'll work my way through some things.  Later.

Just about to shut down.

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Up a bit late.  Just... things on my mind, trying to come down from a few weeks of successes, and even just from today.  Well, and I tried to push through, get to a few things.  The prospects today did not turn out as I had hoped.  But... it could have been worse.  I should be to bed by 23:00.

I did make plans to help a fellow.  He has a cough that bothered me.  Not as in it bugged, or irritated.  It just... sounded, seemed, familiar.  Different causes, perhaps.  But, I know that dry, empty, useless, cough.  It feeds upon itself, as a bit of a double curse.

I got it when on the waterpills.  If I didn't drink enough, or the pills were too efficacious, I would end up with a burning thirst nothing could quench.  Or... nothing I new then.  Pickle juice, I learned, would help.  But... that's rather salty.  And, it's difficult to find pickles that are regularly made well, and the juice tastes good, plus with right ingredients.

Eventually I remembered a singer I knew.  He was a preacher too.  But it was his singing which would dry him out.  He used vinegar, as a part to some water.  I never knew his ratio, though I think he played it by ear, and current tastes.

Further, I really started enjoying carbonated water.  Though this works with regular water.  And, I had started using electrolyte powder.  Then combining those two.  Eventually, through this source, trial and error, and just experimenting, I added the vinegar to those first two.  And, yes, that... really helped.

Plus, it isn't bad.  None of it is bad.  And, it seems, I can only really drink it when I need it.  Or it sits and goes to waste.  Then I began trying it with variations.  Differnt flavors of electrolyte powder, different flavors of carbonated water (and sometimes just plain), plus various vinegars... apple cider, plain white, red or white wine vinegars... so far.  And, yes, it... cuts the grail... slakes the thirst... and replenishes some things the body is missing.

So... I am offering to let him sample a few variations to see if anything helps him out.  I did contact him this afternoon.  He seems interested.  Will see if it works for him.  Sure hope so.  Hate to hear people with that... hack.  I get it... wished someone had offered me this, on a silver platter as it were.  Though, maybe it won't work.  Worth a shot.  I'm not a doctor, don't need to be one in every case.

Anyway... on to bed.  Goodnight.

Going through my supplies.

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I have flour, glutens, oat fiber, and such from years ago.  Just never used it.  If it has been opened, I toss it.  As for if it hasn't been opened?  I am just about to look up what sort of shelf-life some of these things happen.  Best sold by xx/2022?  But, if it has a practical shelf-life of five or ten years, sure, I'll at least try it.  If not, toss.  I hate to toss, but sometimes you have to.

I do have fresh stuff, just in case.

The goal is to finally begin making keto breads, and buns, and such.  I found a source for a couple of good flours.  One for deserts, mostly.  The one I will put in today is for breads and such, mostly.

Oil, cabin air, and enginer air filters...

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Checked, cleaned, changed, as needed.  Oh, oil filter too, of course.  Done.  All good.  Then a meal, after.  The Black Pearl, a decent oriental shop... some Chinese?  Defenitely Tai, and Japanese, including sashimi... if that isn't exactly my thing.  I did try that the first time.  It wasn't as much damage as I feared.  Though, the cost of changing the oil, oil filter, and air filters on my own was far less than the meal and raw costs combined.

Thinking about it, changing just the oil and filter on my own saved me more than the costs of doing it, and the meal, by a forty spot.  Toss in the filters, and... Probably another hundred, hundred and fifty, with parts (which don't cost much).  I have a good shop, but they just can't beat doing it yourself.  They are paying guys $45 an hour, at least, and taking at least that much over the top, as well as charging parts and delivery, which... they don't pay, plus a huge markup.  No choicce.  And many people don't have that choice.  But... at least this time, I did.  

It... needed changed.  Yea.  Still, it worked well.  This summer, when it cools in the evening, I should be able to change it with my lift and jack stands.  Easily.  Though, to be honest, I only need to change it every few years.  Low mileage, pure synthetic oil, it does well.  Looked at the breaks.  They still seem good.  Never changed 'em, ride them worse than my mother!  Well built, I guess.  Tires have, 45 k on them.  And still have and inch and an half of tread?  An inch for sure.  Glad I didn't go with stock, now.  Sometimes it just... works out.  I ended up at Big O, without much choice.  Glad I did.  Should get them rotated and balanced before long though.

On the way back, I picked up a bunch of twelve packs of La Croix, in many flavors.  I have wanted to try them, and have a few flavors from last time I went shopping.  But they were on sale, at two 12 packs for $9.  They are still going for from $18 a 12 pack, as the cheapest I saw only in lime, on amazon.  Yea, they aren't able to sell them.  Unloading at other stores.  They aren't great, they just aren't bad, and better for me than soda, and a little bit of variation on regular carbonated waters.  I got enough to taste most flavors they make, and to last me months.  And at a quarter the price amazon is offering them.  Shipping, I get it, to a degree.  Especially now.  But, still.  No.  Now I am in the good.

I did get a shower before I got out.  Was running ten to fifteen minutes late.  But... all good.  It was a good day.  Got back by 13:00, I think.  Yes, now I can rest probably much of the rest of the week.  I need to get my dress slacks in to the dry cleaners.  But, other than that... and that can be done... whenever.  No mass this week, save this Saturday.  Just... too tired.  Can't probably even get the slacks out until next week, unless... something something forces me out?

I... need rest, boys and girls.  I have pushed so very hard.  Too hard.  Need a bit of a rest, days of it.  And to get back to the house and home things.  I did flip kefir last night, but haven't been able to drink it.  So, running into... problems.  I'll keep at it.  Probably only need three gallons of whole milk this week.

Would like to set up some more creme fraiche, and check on the mascarpone cheese.  Perhaps a few other such things.  Oh, make new fresh mayo, then use the blue cheese I got to make a batch of blue cheese dressing.  As well as a new batch of homemade ranch.  Love these little delights.  And, with kefir to add in, those dressings last a very long time, without all the chemicals.  Check!

What a wonderful day.  Though it is snowing in spits and leaps, from time to time.  It's a bit frightful out there.  Should it rain, we could have a mountain of snow flood our world.  Hoping for a nice, easy, run.  Oh... I did hear?  The snow pack feeding Lake Powel and Lake Mead?  It hasn't decreased.  That ISN'T drought, that is merely overusage of the same water sources as always.  Don't believe a thing they write.  Nothing.  Not these days.  Surprised the Catholic radio was allowed to go with that story.  Though, to be honest, the Catholic reporter was on the wrong side of the thing, it was the scientist he was speaking with who corrected him.  Check!

*grins*

Oh, my brother took a picture of his gift.  And thanked me.  Says it's just what was needed.  Dang kid.  Hmm... said something about birthdays coming up.  Will... have to get that data from him.  Try to... keep up, as I begin getting up, waking up, pushing through?  I... can try.  Later.

A very rough morning.

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It may not look like it from your perspective, but I have been pushing things.  I have had something, every other day, out of the house, and things at home daily, for the last... two weeks?  In deep winter, or what is passing for it still.  I call 12 F, and two feet of snow, deep winter.  Just saying.

Not sure spring or fall are even that much better to allow what is happening.  And summer is definitely as difficult, or worse, than winter.  But, we'll see.  I have been doing a bit better in all regions.  But this is a surprise.  It started with making a single connection.  And has expanded to catching back up with the church, getting going, and opening from there.

Some of it is just taking care of my body.  A haircut, the pedicure cycle... which will probably be every other month after this, and considering swimming.  And it all happened at the first of the month, when shopping is happening, and else.  So it's... an extra busy time of the month to begin... coming back to life?  Ye-as!  :p

Still, so far, I am... holding my own.  Can't set up swimming this month, most likely.  Money, money, money.  But if I am still on my feet next month, I will at least look more into it.  Well, not just the upfront cost, but gas into town and back.  That is an extra, say, four to five hundred miles a month... so... two tanks of fuel (assuming it isn't stolen on top of that), so about $125~$150 more a month?  See?  Yea.  Plus the pass.  It adds up.

Today?  Oil change, and inspection, only I am doing it?  Yea.  Maybe.  I should look for the air filters and cleanout foam, and the manual.  Get my tools out.  Can't remember what size the oil plug is, but that is what the manutal, and engineering barring that, is about.  :p  Yea.  Things to do.

Oh heck, boys and girls... Doom might be spreading his wings again.  I pray to God to allow just enough to be even more humble?  Aye.  Doing your own maintenance, up to some point, is humbling... and yet that is so absolutely fulfilling.  It is like taking out the trash, for your woman.  Or, getting the inspections and licnensing on the vehicles done, for her.  Or washing your own laundry, socks and unders right in the shower.  Not just taking care, but taking care as wisely and frugally as is reasonable.  

Though, the more you go in that direction, the further you can go.  Eventually, you can live on a nickle rather than the dollar you had thought minimal.  And, I... am getting there.  Of course, there is always something.  But, living on a dime, or quarter, as I am at now?  Means I have just a bit stuffed away in case I... need to pay out large on something.  Couldn't replace my house, could replace my tires... and they are... spendy.

God asked me for humility.  Me!  Of all people.  I really didn't like the call, but there is something about Him.  His call is... more potent than my prostestations.  Pun partly intended.  So it goes.  Once you find Him, or... He finds you?  You either live in truth, or you deny... knowing the cost.  Even if I don't end up in heaven, I won't stop doing what I understand to be His will.  I... can't.  Even in hell, I would only improve.  I tell you no lie.

Anyway... time to... have some kefir, get a shower and dressed, find some tools and a manual, and replacement parts, and... begin pondering the world of automechanics and the plains of action rather than contemplation?  Well, there will be some contemplation, as I learn, see, understand.  It's been a while since I honestly picked up a wrench or such to put to metal and else, on an oiled, steel, cast iron, and else device, in order to fix or maintain it.  Should be... interesting.  Wasn't ever really my job, just something I tinkered with while floating mid-ocean, in various ways.  Death walked among them, with a smile, and sometimes a wrench.  Or... maybe?  I can't be sure.  Later.

Supper should be excellent.

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Corned beef, new (small red) potatoes, carrots, celery, and mushrooms.  The corned beef is storebought, but it will do.  It was browned, in butter, before water was added.  Potatoes will go in fifteen minutes after the start.  Carrots another ten minutes along.  Then celery and mushrooms another fifteen minutes in.  Should be done in forty five minutes?  That's sort of the goal.

I'll try to get a few more things done.  Feeding Sassy in bits and pieces.  Plus giving her attention otherwise through the day.  Love the little lady.  And she usually likes me, mostly... a bit.  Pretty much like every female I have known.  *grins*  They are God's gift to us, and we to them, or... that was the rigging as the ship first sailed.  I... like the idea.

Oh, an arrangement has been made, for a flattop cut.  Next week... one of the days... at some hour or other.  So, yes, I am getting things arranged.  Spending a bit more than anticipated this month, but that is how it goes.

Ugh.  I'll keep at it.  Have more to do tomorrow, as well?  Yea.  I'll try to get a shower in yet tonight.  Not that it's necessary for what is to be done tomorrow, but... I'm... I try to be picky, righteous, clean.  I try.

I did reset the bed.  Forgot to do it over the weekend.  Have been pushing so very hard.  Too hard.  I lose track.  But I do my best, when and where I can remember to hit things.  Really pushing things, but so be it.

A few things.

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Deliveries, always good.  I was sure what they said would be delivered today could not have made it.  It started in Ontario, California, yesterday.  If... what they put up is correct.  And, yes, it made it.  I have doubts about the rest of it, but will be glad to have them prove me wrong.  Not worried if not, just... thinking.

My brother could have received his package.  It is saying it has been delivered.  I'm sure I'll hear something, one way or another... sometime.  Never can tell.

And the warantee on the boots went through.  So I went shopping.  They said the value of the code was $160, on their site.  So imagine my unhappiness to see the price of the pair I needed to replace was $5 more.  Still, it's... what I wanted.  I really like those boots.  Will have to break them in a bit again, but worth it.

Now, I didn't pay that much, where I got them.  So, I had been worried about that as well.  I did have to pay taxes.  But on the slow boat, no shipping or other charges, and the amount listed covered the price.  So... as good as I can get.  I won't complain.

I baked a few potatoes.  So hungry I had one.  The rest will be eaten after cooling and being reheated, through the week.  Will see if it works better that way.  I have a pot soaking, in which to make corned beef.  I forgot the cabbage, but I'll survive.  Carrots, celery, and new potatoes.  I know, more potatoes, but... it just works that way sometimes.

It's up to 22, or so, out there.  It looks like there was some melting, but... that seems odd.  Can't believe it is March, and still so much snow, and so cold.  Worth it for the snow.  And I don't even think it is done snowing, probably.  We'll see.  Later.

Had to laugh.

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I was speaking with my brother the other day.  I had some... grumps... about some things.  Still, I let him have his words.  Instead of barking orders, I did something about it.  I can't... make a horse drink, but I can lead it to water.  So, I did.

I texted him, today.  Let him know a package was going to be delivered.  I got a text back, probably as soon as he noticed.  What?  Not sure if he was asking what was in it, or what this was about.  But, then, he called.  Dog with peanut butter.  Or about to get some?  Or... a burrito?

I laughed.  Told him the package was for him, not mom and I made a mistake in comms or such.  But, asked if he wanted to know what it was.  He did.  I told him he'd have to pick up the package.  Then laughed.  He laughed too.  I still don't think he thought that was all that funny.  I definitely did.  What's in the package.  Please!?!  Nope.

And, while he thought about it, and guesed?  Nope, or maybe, or not all.  Had to laugh some more.  No, good game.  Everythings cool.  From my end of the conversation.  Life is fun.

I'll get the kefir sorted soon.  And, make something to eat?  But what.  There was something in there.  I'd like to find out.  Oh, maybe corned beef?  Well, sure, but that will take a goodly while.  Hmm, maybe just a can of sardines, as that gets prepared and cooked?  Maybe.

Life is so fun, sometimes.  -  What is it!  -  Shutup!  :p  Later.

So tired still.

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However, that means nothing.  I went to bed between 20:00 and 22:00?  Where in there I can't say.  As I started to come down from events yesterday, and really a build up from the last week, given the weather and else, I didn't just ease down, I began to fall down.  My mind and body just... collapsed.  I made it upstairs, but memory, and thought were gone by the time I rolled up into the blankets for sleep.  Beautiful, in a way.  I love being that tired when going to bed.

I woke just a bit after seven.  I tried to wake earlier, starting at, perhaps, five thirty?  Sassy tried to help.  Though, last night, she slept with me much of the night.  I love the tigger girl.  Enjoy having her up there.  Some nights she is there, often not.  She was named, and rightly, Sassy. It... matches.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  I don't own her, she is a friend.  Usually.

Fed first thing, her litter box reset.  She lives a happy life.  Especially since I have started feeding her six times a day.  No more food, I just spread the can and some treats, throughout the day.  She has lost a lot of weight.  I don't think she can lose the last bit down to thin, like her mom was.  But I think her mom was too thin start to stop, even before she got ill.  So, I am good with her weight.  Not perfect, but she is fixed, middle aged, and a pure homebound girl.  So, it's good.

It got cold.  It is 12, F, out there.  Ugh.  It had gotten up to 34, maybe 36 yesterday?  Some melting happened, if you really can't tell it, save on the driveway, and along the roads a bit.  I was hoping it would be a bit warmer today.  Nope.  Or... not yet.  It... might happen.  Weather in these hereabouts can switch in a minute.  Treacherous, dangerous, beautiful.  Living on the natural edge.

I'll try to get the day going.  Some food cooked.  Eggs and bacon as a start, at some point.  Kefir turned over, and some of the kefir grains put up, in the freezer.  Time and date labeled, so as to keep some track.  Lemons put up, in salt storage, and of course time and date labeled.  Nothing fancy, but... a few things.

And, I am going to look for grass fed, grass finished offal.  I'm not so worried about the protein parts of the animal.  But organs, maybe a bit more concerned.  That is where bad things would collect.  Not terribly worried, but if I am going to have concern, it would be with offal... organ meat.  Would like to see if I could find kidney, liver, heart, even maybe tongue (if tongue has become far too expensive, at least at the store... strange).  Anyway... a few things like that.

I did already take care of some business.  Where I shop online suggested my card was overdrawn.  But... that shouldn't have been.  So I checked that.  Nope.  I wonder if they were just trying to get me to put on another card, for neferious or more nefarious reasons.

I have been suspicious of them, so I have started watching closely, and limited to one card.  And gotten access to what is being put on that card, and keeping it to just that shop.  Don't trust.  No, I still had plenty on that card.  Not sure what that was about.  Could have just been a flaw in their system, but... maybe they want access to other cards.  Who knows how much money they run through systems, legally and not so much, to push and pull things.  Too big to fail, or even be rightly kept in check maybe.  But, yea, I sorted that out already.

You can't live an automated life.  They'll strip you to the bone, steal every penny, and look for anything else they can get.  Being mostly dead is difficult.  Though, I think a lot of people are sleeping with the parasites, being eaten alive, not even realizing they are being robbed, cheated, and else.  A lot of people are being completely cheated out of their income.  It's dark out there.  The government is either not on your side, or conversely the one doing the crimes.  The eunuch wars have begun.  The Chinese know this war.  Even when they won them, the few times, they still lost them.  Bureaucrats equal eunuchs.  Ugh.

Exhausted.

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Couldn't sleep, quite yet.  Odd how that happens if I extend a bit too far, sometimes.  Overreach can have odd consequences.  Bratwursts and sauerkraut is being cooked as I write.  I couldn't find the sauerkraut I used to get, but I found a new (to me) type which is made the original way.  How much carries over, through packaging, processing, and such... that I don't know.  I don't even know if I will like it.  Only one way to find out.

There were a few other things I wanted to do, out and at home.  It doesn't always happen.  I did a number of things, though.  Not... a terrible day.  It did wear me down.  That's not a bad thing.  I really wouldn't mind dying by trying.  That's... not the goal, though, either.  Trapped in life, or was.  Now I have surrendered to it, and attempt to... just live, as wisely as possible.  Just... saying, if I pushed too hard, I'd rather die trying than just being a lump... when I have a choice.

I'll need rest tomorrow.

Might see if there is a movie on, worth watching.  Many movies I thought were great, when I was... secular, younger, worse... I am embarrassed I enjoyed.  So, no, old movies aren't great, better.  In them I see the seeds of the destruction of this culture.  America specifically, but the West generally.  Multiculturalism, tolerance for things which shouldn't be tolerated, making certain people and institutions the enemy.  It... was all there.  If people had turned off television long ago?  Yes, a different world today.  Well, and radio, even the news.

Did we have to get to this point?  I don't think so.  Sloth of mind and spirit lead to the rest of the forms.  Even when I was in good shape, I was slothful of spirit.  Now it's the opposite, to the best of my ability.  Can't do much about the flesh, can't always stand. Can and do pray, and find the forms of grace open to me.  Don't trust anyone, but... I don't need to trust everyone, or even anyone.  Odd how things go.

If you have ever read about the son of perdition, you will know he will come from the stock of the holy, wise, kind, just.  He will be twisted to just the opposite.  I... sometimes think, if one must have that happen, there might be one who has the opposite happen.  Just the way things work.  While I am not holy, I was quite dark, and I have come to the light as much as that is possible.  Dark indeed, deeply.  Chose, and was called to the choice, a better way.

Well... on to something.  The brats take a while.  Hopefully bed after dinner.  Goodnight.

Had to push through.

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Had an appointment, manicure.  I'm telling you, the feet are doing really well.  I'll do one more, in a row, then probablly go to every other month with them.

I could get a shower.  Ran out of time, and wanted to get a haircut before going in.  Problem was the place I used to go was out of business.  Clean gone.  It had been a reasonable place, mostly for men, with women cutters.  Nice, clean, pleasant.  Mostly.  Gone.  Not sure why.  Could have just been no money, could have been the owner died of suddenly, I just don't know.

Then I found myself there, having to go the the bathroom.  Not enough time to make it home, didn't want to be an hour at the shop.  Store!  I had some things to pick up anyway.  My store.  I rarely use their facilities, but I do drop other things there, often.  :p  Green things, by the stack these days.  So, yes.

I must have hit rush hour in there.  Guys were in and out, in and out, it was... very difficult.  And, for some reason, I just couldn't go.  Ugh.  The angle of the toilet, it being smaller?  I don't know, but I had a heck of a time.  Finally, I relaxed and... it still took ten more minutes.  Clean, but sheesh!

I washed up well, and picked up a few things.  Light olive oil, garlic, and a few other things?  I was just a minute or two late.  Which worked out well enough.  She's a doll.  Will miss her.  Hope her life goes well.  And, it will, and won't, and... life happens.

The feet are feeling super.  It helps with circulation, and other things.  It just really helps.

After, I went to another store, found some items I wanted, and am trying some items.  Plus asked about offal.  They only carried beef liver, and wouldn't order things they don't typically carry.  All good.  Suggested a few butcher shops, suggested there are two in town?  I'll look online after this.

Now I need to put some lemons up today or tomorrow, check the mascarpone cheese, I soaked seeds this morning, for sprouts, so put those out in a tray with two others which are going.  I'll need to see if kefir is ready to turn, and if there is room for that.  Probably need to eat more.  All good.

And, I gave the suv a simple wash on the way home.  It's been a while.  Now to clean the inside.

I was expecting the drive to have been cleared a bit, but it doesn't look like that has happened.  Maybe more trouble with the tire on the cat, or something else came up.  Hey, beggers can't be choosers, so... just noting.

So tired.  I did a lot today.  I think my next day out is Wednesday.  Then Saturday.  Then I... should be able to take a week off, down, before potentially considering other plans.  Though, swimming will depend on upfront costs, and gas.  Still, twice a week might be doable.  Then again, church would make three outings a week.  Honestly not sure I can afford that.  I'll... think on things.

Oh, I did ask about a haircut at the place I got my feet done.  Not sure that is their thing.  Will find out, she will ask around.  Perhaps there is some other place to go, they know of.  Or, I'll look around myself.  I don't go to those stip mall places.  Those have been pretty bottom barrel from what I have experienced.  Though, sometimes, the walmarts have a shope, and with reasonable ladies.  A flat top should be easy, but it really isn't.  Though some women shouldn't be allowed near scissors, let alone trimmers.

Ugh.  Later.

Extra sleep.

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Down around 18:4x... up at six.  I still wish I could have slept more.  Sassy keept trying to get me to wake, but it wasn't really her which woke me in finality.  It was just... time.  My body can only sleep just so much these days.

I was wondering how I could sleep for a month at a time, back in school... college.  I think it was because I exhausted myself beyond measure.  Going to school, daily, for a month or two, and I would crack like an egg.  Homework on top of that, with both physical and mental stresses.  Yeah.  I couldn't make college every day, currently.  So, yes.  It wasn't just this or that, it was all the pushing and pulling.  I would break for it.

Still, even doing things for several days in a row, or several days of the week, breaks my balls pretty hard.  Especially in deep winter.  Even so?  I am going to try to push through a bit more.  If I can get to town three times a week, I may see about adding swimming to two of those time.  Probably the college pool.  If I am going to mass anyway, and need to do a bit of shopping on the side, a trip to the pool is nothing extra.  Maybe.  Right now I need to do what I can do.  Am pushing just to shove.  We'll see.

I am thinking about getting my hair cut short.  We'll see.  Look, part of the reason I haven't cut, and kept, my hair short, is because I don't get out often enough.  Lets just say this might be a bet on being out more often?  We'll see.  Thinking on it.  With a small group of fellow Catholic toms to hang out with, more food projects on the git, swimming in the queue, and masses in the planning, I... think I can maybe have some hope.  Took a while, but things are cleared.  Maybe more can be added.

Still, currently, I am brutally tired.  I hurt in odd places and ways.  My feet and legs are often swollen as I fight water retention, the broken one hurts once or twice a week, the liver pings it's displeasure with something a few times a week, and I am tight everywhere, as if resisting punches from everywhere, and some landing harshly.  Why?  Because I should be dead and I'm not, I think.  I am doing exceptionally well for someone who should have been dead ages ago.  And... did die three times, at least, in those years.  It's as good as it gets.  Still, I'll keep on fighting.  It was, at once, a task at the leisure of God.  Now?  It is my pleasure to do His will.  Amen.

A shower, before long.  The shave for Saturday mass seems to be holding well, so I won't bother with that.  Brushed my teeth first thing, will hit them again.  And I'll get dressed a bit after the shower, as if I meant something, or other.  Sassy has been fed.  Did I check her litter box?  Cleaned it last night, I'll check as I begin my day.

Gaming, to start things off.  Trying to figure out what I can do, when.  What the shutoffs for this and that are.  Ugh.  Getting to it.  Mostly just playing easy mode while filling out weapon levels and add-ons.  It would be good to have several games completely leveled, from weapons to skills.  For play at a later date.

Plus, this is playing the game, learning some things, and yet without the stress of the harder levels or push to get the trophies.  So I can play or not without that hook, pull, to push through.  Just something simple enough to do.

On to my morning.  Good morning and day.

Lots in the news lately.

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Hey, even I have to have some sources.

A visitor.

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they did clear the drive.  But, as with other drives, the problem is snow pack is becoming... difficult to get out of the way.  So, he asked a friend, with a bigger machine, to help.  Which... was going to happen, but a tire blew on it as he was getting it out and going.

Not complaining, just noting that everyone has problems, but still gets to things.  They are changing the tire, and will be back to it, probably, tomorrow.  Me?  I am grateful.  I don't worry about when.

I couldn't even have cleared the front of the drive today.  Then again, they were having problems, even with the heavier machines.  It was six to eight inches, with ice.  Heck of a thing.  More snow than in a lot of years, if as mentioned I think Logan gets hit harder than out on the valley plain, so this may be the heaviest snow since I have lived here, for this area.

And, I offered a few cans of food.  I don't know if they will like it, but it's what I have.  I love it.  So, for me to offer it is... a real gift.  Not much of one, but at least a sign of gratitude.

And, possibly, set up an arrangement to get my oil changed.  Synthetic.  I'll do the work, just need some equipment allowance.  And, maybe, some advice.  Never done it before.  Will need oil, a filter, perhaps a filter wrench.  Not sure what else.  Will check wiper fluid, but just here at home.  And, while at it, will do a few other checks.  I have the manual around somewhere.  Would like to check a number of fluids and such while at it.  Though, if those are easy to fill, don't need drained or such, I can fill those at home, if need be.  Hmm... would like to get a checklist of things to do, check, observe.  Ugh.

Today, though, mostly resting.  I burned myself out a bit yesterday.  All good.  I'll go slow, enjoy, get something to eat, and sort a few things.  Oh, with lemons, beside setting up some for mid-term storage, I'd also like to make my first stab at making mascarpone cheese.  It was available at the store, but was $4.50 for, say, 250 grams?  Or less.  I'd guess maybe even half that, to be honest.  So, yes, something worth making on one's own.  Not sure I have much use for it, other than special recipes.  Still... might... experiment with it in various things.

Up late.

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Down late too?  Not sure when... actually I do.  One of the fellows checked to see if I was home, with the snow and else.  It was 21:24 when I was backing into the drive when I heard... something.  Had to get the groceries in the suv put up.  Then, as I was resting, I rememebered and checked.

But, that was when I got home.  Which is way late in the day for me.  It would be like most of you working to midnight or so.  Then I had to relax enough to get to bed.  I have to drive myself like a nail to get things done later at night, can't just come down from that.  Surprised I didn't get a bloody nose, and don't have one this morning for it.  Yet.

It was probably a bit after 23:00 or midnight before I could come down and crawl into bed.  I don't remember the crawling, just other times I have done so in such a state.  I do have a fine headache.  Handsome, as they go.  Not a migraine, I think those have become more summer things, or spring, summer, fall... more light?  Maybe.  I woke at 6:34, or so.  

Took a while to bandage my feet, find socks and get those on, and passively dress.  I wouldn't even go out in the yard with what I am wearing, minus an major event.  But it will do as I clumbsily begin assembling my day.

Ah, while looking for butter which isn't basted in chemicals, or otherwise troublesome, I found reasonably priced butters.  Amish and another group make them.  Cream and salt.  Sure, I would like to find some without salt, but... I can live with salt.  No artificial "natural" flavors, no preservatives, no... soy lecithin.  It's creepy what they put in so-called butter.

Onions, lemons, butter, gizzards, and liver, small salad mixes, many things.  Didn't have my list.  So I missed light olive oil, and garlic.  Not bad.  And I got a few extra things.  Some flavored carbonated water, which goes for between $24 to $48 a case on amazon, I found for $9 a case.  I had just wanted to try it, but not at the former prices.  I can do $9 a case.  May go back for more when I'm getting else that I missed.

Want to try aioli, and need to make fresh mayonnaise.  On the good side, it will get me out to church.  I can go to mass, then shop on my return.  See, that's... how the plan is supposed to go.  Or... maybe not.  Something else in the planned slot, but... I'll get in to mass during the week, this week.  At least once.  

Oh, and remind me, I need to begin practicing the rosary.  I am going to say it for father, four times this month.  I'll probably do that for any confessor.  A gift, but for both of us?  I need to get back to daily rosary prayers, especially now that I'm back.  Some of them will be for set people, or events, or the church.  Some of them will be purely for themselves.  I'll keep one open for special needs or interests.  And, if need be, begin doing one in the morning, and one in the evening... more balanced... the chips on my shoulders aren't as noticeable that way.  *grins*  Mother may I?  Sure, she would say.

Painpills this morning.  The headache, but the aches from pushing through.  I am a slightly, for the season, driven man.  And it's costing me.  Still, I'll... try to push on through.  Looks like we ended up with, say, another six inches on top of else, out there?  That is what stayed.  A lot melted, and turned to ice.  Or came down wet and iced?  Or even rained a bit first.  It was slick out there.  Four wheel drive only gets you so far.  

With the snow driving into my windshield, and the icy conditions, plus not being able to see the shoulder of the road well even if those things weren't in play, I ended up going right at thirty for the last mile or two.  Lots of curves, a hill, and a very curved rather steeply declining reentry to town, no choice.  Nothing but a pleasure in most weather.  That wasn't most weather.  Was beautiful, entrancing, if like a siren but on land... luring one to death.  Still, death can be so damned beautiful, even... sexy.  Or... is that just me?

On to... something.  Have a great day.  Get to church if you can.  Say a little prayer for me.  I... forgot, and was running just a bit behind.  Usually, when I go to mass, I'll try to get there an half hour early, in order to pray... for you, me, us, politicians, religious leaders, foreign and domestic, and more.  I do my nightly prayer intentions, then, and again at night.  Not... always the same, so much ground to cover, so much, and many, needing prayers.  Even if you hate me, I'll... probably give even you a spit lick covering prayer.  Your welcome, asshole.  *burst of hearty laughter... because I mean it*

Later.