.
.
Was it getting enough sleep, finally? Was it the world cooling down? Was it finally being able to digest the rather, actually, small meal from last night? Dunno. But I feel a heck of a lot better. I don't expect it to last. Anything, too much fluid, not enough, too hot, or cold, too much or too little food, and maybe just because I have too little insulin... or any of a dozen things... in my current situation and I will go back to large or small amounts of suffering, perhaps on many different fronts. Who cares! For the moment, to feel good even just for a bit, is enough. Much as when going down the flood-stage river, out of the raft, I valued every full, unwet, lungful of air. Cherish the good. Survive the bad. It's the only trick I know, and it has worked magically. It's not my will, not always. But I... it wasn't ever supposed to be about my will. Since surrendering to the will of the only One that really matters, life is easier, even in the tough spots.
All good. Regardless of how it goes, or whose will is involved or important, getting a break from the bad spots is a pleasure. Even if just for a moment. Fever seems to be coming back, so... Take what you can get. Later.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Rough and worse.
.
.
Cramps are back, but just in my arms. My forearms, biceps, and triceps all suffer from this. Not only is the pain a general nuisance, but that creates a weakness. I would carry anything too heavy that was precious or vital and delicate. A gallon of milk easy enough, if I take care with angles, so not extremely weak. Just, to my ways, a bit limited. I also have little control over sleep and waking. It just happens. When I do finally get to sleep, though sometimes that happens quickly and too easily in the last few days, I sleep for extra long shifts. Some of this may be fall setting in. Some of it is that fast deep cut of insulin. I never know how two or more things will mix. I just know that almost any change will hurt, even if it may be for the good.
You might think that would make me hate changes. There is one aspect of me that doesn't really appreciate these bumps in the road. And I do avoid changes for the worse, as I know that is hard road that will have to be corrected, more than likely, on even more hard road. When the change in direction is in a positive direction, I approve. Just as if I find a new source for insulin. I will grit my teeth as the fever from increasing that to the level it needs to be begins. I may do it more quickly, or more slowly, depending on what I can honestly take. I avoid completely crippling myself doing these things, if possible. It's just, with the uncertainty of insulin, I had no choice but to cut, and immediately. If I have a choice to do otherwise, I do so. This is brutal. I can bear against it for a while, no real choice. And I can cut it, over time, fully, if need be. But there will be a price.
I doubt if I will be working today. I may just end up back in bed. I can't believe how tired I am. Later. Or good night, again.
.
Cramps are back, but just in my arms. My forearms, biceps, and triceps all suffer from this. Not only is the pain a general nuisance, but that creates a weakness. I would carry anything too heavy that was precious or vital and delicate. A gallon of milk easy enough, if I take care with angles, so not extremely weak. Just, to my ways, a bit limited. I also have little control over sleep and waking. It just happens. When I do finally get to sleep, though sometimes that happens quickly and too easily in the last few days, I sleep for extra long shifts. Some of this may be fall setting in. Some of it is that fast deep cut of insulin. I never know how two or more things will mix. I just know that almost any change will hurt, even if it may be for the good.
You might think that would make me hate changes. There is one aspect of me that doesn't really appreciate these bumps in the road. And I do avoid changes for the worse, as I know that is hard road that will have to be corrected, more than likely, on even more hard road. When the change in direction is in a positive direction, I approve. Just as if I find a new source for insulin. I will grit my teeth as the fever from increasing that to the level it needs to be begins. I may do it more quickly, or more slowly, depending on what I can honestly take. I avoid completely crippling myself doing these things, if possible. It's just, with the uncertainty of insulin, I had no choice but to cut, and immediately. If I have a choice to do otherwise, I do so. This is brutal. I can bear against it for a while, no real choice. And I can cut it, over time, fully, if need be. But there will be a price.
I doubt if I will be working today. I may just end up back in bed. I can't believe how tired I am. Later. Or good night, again.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Oh? Stolen from another blog.
.
.
I was reading along, minding my own business by snooping what other people wrote, when it hit me. Or, at least, I saw this video. So I stole it. Given the givens, I think the theft is actually appreciated. Still, I'll give a nod. The makers are identified already, in the flick, and likewise seem to want it to be borrowed in an undocumented manner. No, really, sometimes a theft is a favor. Just... use common sense.
.
I was reading along, minding my own business by snooping what other people wrote, when it hit me. Or, at least, I saw this video. So I stole it. Given the givens, I think the theft is actually appreciated. Still, I'll give a nod. The makers are identified already, in the flick, and likewise seem to want it to be borrowed in an undocumented manner. No, really, sometimes a theft is a favor. Just... use common sense.
Awake and for a while now.
.
.
I can't really stay awake or asleep. It either happens or not. At least the two aren't merging. Each is weak, on it's own. Yet each is, for now, separate conditions. That means, as bad as my health is, it is far better still that it has been. I am simply not as used to suffering, or my mind or body has forgotten how to escape the suffering. Mostly. I can tell there is more pain underneath what I am feeling. My natural pain killing is still fantastic compared to most. The feverishness comes and goes. It was fine when I woke, but after a few hours it is back with a vengeance. Oh, and it looks like muscle cramps are back. I think that is simply caused by literally using muscle. My trip the the store, even if that was a mild load, was enough, with whatever else is wrong, to starve my muscles of oxygen so that they suffer, and have since the day after and into today, maybe into tomorrow. Until something changes, I will simply really have to think about doing anything. The price is very high for even mild efforts.
Even so, I have been doing little bits about the house. I finally have the tub cleaned to my satisfaction and the drain running well enough. For whatever reason, it took a lot of work for both. A lot more work than usual. Though a slow drain complicates cleaning, which probably accounts for most of the difficulty. Oh, and with the toilet clean as well, if not the floor, I... am good enough to go on that. I would like to clean the kitchen next. If I do hit the floor in the kitchen first, and sweep and mop, I will go ahead and hit the bathroom with that as well. Just because I can't, doesn't mean I won't try. I know I will probably either fail, or pay dearly for the effort. And yet... I write it into the schedule. What I used to do, when healthy, hurt a lot more than this. As to fruitfulness, that quite depends on what you consider fruit-bearing. I was satisfied. I was created to work until it hurt, as little or as much as that takes. So I do, when I literally can work, that is.
Later.
.
I can't really stay awake or asleep. It either happens or not. At least the two aren't merging. Each is weak, on it's own. Yet each is, for now, separate conditions. That means, as bad as my health is, it is far better still that it has been. I am simply not as used to suffering, or my mind or body has forgotten how to escape the suffering. Mostly. I can tell there is more pain underneath what I am feeling. My natural pain killing is still fantastic compared to most. The feverishness comes and goes. It was fine when I woke, but after a few hours it is back with a vengeance. Oh, and it looks like muscle cramps are back. I think that is simply caused by literally using muscle. My trip the the store, even if that was a mild load, was enough, with whatever else is wrong, to starve my muscles of oxygen so that they suffer, and have since the day after and into today, maybe into tomorrow. Until something changes, I will simply really have to think about doing anything. The price is very high for even mild efforts.
Even so, I have been doing little bits about the house. I finally have the tub cleaned to my satisfaction and the drain running well enough. For whatever reason, it took a lot of work for both. A lot more work than usual. Though a slow drain complicates cleaning, which probably accounts for most of the difficulty. Oh, and with the toilet clean as well, if not the floor, I... am good enough to go on that. I would like to clean the kitchen next. If I do hit the floor in the kitchen first, and sweep and mop, I will go ahead and hit the bathroom with that as well. Just because I can't, doesn't mean I won't try. I know I will probably either fail, or pay dearly for the effort. And yet... I write it into the schedule. What I used to do, when healthy, hurt a lot more than this. As to fruitfulness, that quite depends on what you consider fruit-bearing. I was satisfied. I was created to work until it hurt, as little or as much as that takes. So I do, when I literally can work, that is.
Later.
Someone seems to suggest.
.
.
Though which? The old idea and the new one. One from long ago, in which I showed by picture and video, and one more recently. Only the old one was viewed. I have to wonder, because of it, if they are closer than I thought. Have they seen me? Oh, a caricature, to be sure. Still...
.
Though which? The old idea and the new one. One from long ago, in which I showed by picture and video, and one more recently. Only the old one was viewed. I have to wonder, because of it, if they are closer than I thought. Have they seen me? Oh, a caricature, to be sure. Still...
Three sorts of crazy.
.
.
Only two are required to be in good graces, though the third adds style? Maybe.
Oh hush. If you believe those charlatans then anything you did, do, or will do, is unrelated to personal responsibility. Either psychology is right or God is, as to personal guilt. Make your choice, carefully. I have chosen, and take absolute responsibility, yes, even for the damning stuff. This, my friends, is why Christ came, lived, taught, and died. God didn't do a skid landing to the ruination of His flesh to tell us we aren't responsible, only that our failure can be mitigated.
I went to sleep a bit after 6:00, or 7:00? Right in that range. I needed sleep. It wasn't a good sleep though. For one thing, as an unusual thing, I was snoring. I can tell, the snore channel through my sinuses are dried and hurting. I wouldn't be awake save that I got a call. I didn't answer it, but I knew who it was from. What I didn't know, was whether it was good or bad news. I tried to just sleep around it, I need more sleep. But the ac wasn't on and it was getting sweltering in my closed room, even with the fan on full blast. I am a blast furnace, and it still hasn't really cooled out there all that much yet. That is probably why I was snoring, the heat can do that.
So, after avoiding thinking about the call for as long as I could, I finally woke. I tried to listen to the message, several times. The woman talks just too darned fast for my just-awake ears to make sense. I was right, she was from the office of the doctor I had arranged to see. What I can't tell if the call is a cancellation or confirmation. --- Okay, after a touch of coffee, and just a bit time for my still-needing-sleep mind to wake just a bit, I re,re,re,re-listened to the message. Confirmation. How miserable to have something wake you up, and still not be able to understand for a good half hour or more!
I wish I could go back to sleep but the world is just too hot, for me. And I spent so much effort trying make heads or tails of the message that I can't go back to bed. I think sleep was doomed by the call. I should have left the phone somewhere outside of the sleep area. The fan and/or ac kill the noise of it, if it is outside the blast area. I am reading though.
The book is Big Boys Don't Cry, by Tom Kratman. An excellent read for sci-fi, but bearing much consideration regarding war. I, for whatever, real or imagined, reason, very much relate to the lead "character" in the book. I don't know how it ends, but would very much like to know... which is why the phone was in my room. Then again, probably better that it woke me. Trying to rest when it is too hot will cause me to sleep a fervid sleep. Not... no... not a good thing. It can bring a touch of my inner dragon to this place.
Be good, do what you can, enjoy where you may, skip a little skip, smell a flower, grace someone of the opposite sex with a fine smile, think of something useful or wondrous, sing or whistle or listen to a tune. Be well, and blessed. Good day.
.
Only two are required to be in good graces, though the third adds style? Maybe.
Oh hush. If you believe those charlatans then anything you did, do, or will do, is unrelated to personal responsibility. Either psychology is right or God is, as to personal guilt. Make your choice, carefully. I have chosen, and take absolute responsibility, yes, even for the damning stuff. This, my friends, is why Christ came, lived, taught, and died. God didn't do a skid landing to the ruination of His flesh to tell us we aren't responsible, only that our failure can be mitigated.
I went to sleep a bit after 6:00, or 7:00? Right in that range. I needed sleep. It wasn't a good sleep though. For one thing, as an unusual thing, I was snoring. I can tell, the snore channel through my sinuses are dried and hurting. I wouldn't be awake save that I got a call. I didn't answer it, but I knew who it was from. What I didn't know, was whether it was good or bad news. I tried to just sleep around it, I need more sleep. But the ac wasn't on and it was getting sweltering in my closed room, even with the fan on full blast. I am a blast furnace, and it still hasn't really cooled out there all that much yet. That is probably why I was snoring, the heat can do that.
So, after avoiding thinking about the call for as long as I could, I finally woke. I tried to listen to the message, several times. The woman talks just too darned fast for my just-awake ears to make sense. I was right, she was from the office of the doctor I had arranged to see. What I can't tell if the call is a cancellation or confirmation. --- Okay, after a touch of coffee, and just a bit time for my still-needing-sleep mind to wake just a bit, I re,re,re,re-listened to the message. Confirmation. How miserable to have something wake you up, and still not be able to understand for a good half hour or more!
I wish I could go back to sleep but the world is just too hot, for me. And I spent so much effort trying make heads or tails of the message that I can't go back to bed. I think sleep was doomed by the call. I should have left the phone somewhere outside of the sleep area. The fan and/or ac kill the noise of it, if it is outside the blast area. I am reading though.
The book is Big Boys Don't Cry, by Tom Kratman. An excellent read for sci-fi, but bearing much consideration regarding war. I, for whatever, real or imagined, reason, very much relate to the lead "character" in the book. I don't know how it ends, but would very much like to know... which is why the phone was in my room. Then again, probably better that it woke me. Trying to rest when it is too hot will cause me to sleep a fervid sleep. Not... no... not a good thing. It can bring a touch of my inner dragon to this place.
Be good, do what you can, enjoy where you may, skip a little skip, smell a flower, grace someone of the opposite sex with a fine smile, think of something useful or wondrous, sing or whistle or listen to a tune. Be well, and blessed. Good day.
Love it when it cools.
.
.
I was surprised by the last few nights. When it stays above 70, even close to the middle thereof, at night, at this time of the year, I worry just a bit. Oh, I know it will cool off. It just that, when I really need it to cool, and it doesn't... Yeah. So hitting 60, and probably cooler since that thermometer, the electronic one, is very off quite often. It's in the only place where it seems to be able to beam anything, though. Anywhere else and it doesn't transmit, or has to be fully outside and unprotected, or fully inside and useless. I'm too tired to check the outside thermometer. Maybe later.
I may try to make it to the post office tomorrow. A few things might be in, there. I was hoping medicine was in, and some other things. Stopping through tonight there wasn't a thing in my box, no packages for orders or medicine. There was only one notice that they were holding something.
I bought a few things for easy eating, though I need to eat them in moderation. Several types of nuts, cashews, a mix, and smoked almonds. I bought pistachios, actually my favorite, last time. Just by cost I try to eat those sparingly. Dang, I did forget fresh fruit. I'll try to be back in in the next few days/week. I'm a bit gimped up, tonight was a lucky shot. I saw it and took it. I also bought bagels and cream cheese, along with milk and cream. I love bagels, but they aren't the best for me. I don't consider such food poison, or toxic, simply not optimal. I see no reason to blather. All you have to do, to understand my position, is to go hungry for weeks, even a month at a time, off and on, because you can't stand. Do that for a few years and you will take what you can get. Yeah, I'm picky. I'm just... I'll eat it or I won't, if I eat it, I'll like it or I won't. But I will be grateful to God, and whoever provided it and how, for every last morsel, in any event, when I need... Like? Exactitude? Seriously? Starve yourself for a good long time. Not fast, not from sun up to sun down but from week to week to month, nothing edible per ora. Water, I guess, just no food. Then put yourself in a place where you can't eat, even if you want to eat. A place where no one can bring you food. I have lived like that for years, off and on through several decades.
Look, if it kills you, then call it poison. I mean on to five meals of it. If it doesn't? If it's what you got, if it fills your appetite, if there is some nutrition, if you can't do better... eat it and shut the hell up! So... bagels it is! I already had a small portion of mixed nuts.
I did remember several things I thought I would forget. I put them in my phone, but just remembered so never even had to look. It's a klutzy life right now, but... pretty good for doing pretty poorly. I get lucky once in a while. I make do. I keep up on most things. If I do lead a quieter, slower, milder life... for now. Later.
.
I was surprised by the last few nights. When it stays above 70, even close to the middle thereof, at night, at this time of the year, I worry just a bit. Oh, I know it will cool off. It just that, when I really need it to cool, and it doesn't... Yeah. So hitting 60, and probably cooler since that thermometer, the electronic one, is very off quite often. It's in the only place where it seems to be able to beam anything, though. Anywhere else and it doesn't transmit, or has to be fully outside and unprotected, or fully inside and useless. I'm too tired to check the outside thermometer. Maybe later.
I may try to make it to the post office tomorrow. A few things might be in, there. I was hoping medicine was in, and some other things. Stopping through tonight there wasn't a thing in my box, no packages for orders or medicine. There was only one notice that they were holding something.
I bought a few things for easy eating, though I need to eat them in moderation. Several types of nuts, cashews, a mix, and smoked almonds. I bought pistachios, actually my favorite, last time. Just by cost I try to eat those sparingly. Dang, I did forget fresh fruit. I'll try to be back in in the next few days/week. I'm a bit gimped up, tonight was a lucky shot. I saw it and took it. I also bought bagels and cream cheese, along with milk and cream. I love bagels, but they aren't the best for me. I don't consider such food poison, or toxic, simply not optimal. I see no reason to blather. All you have to do, to understand my position, is to go hungry for weeks, even a month at a time, off and on, because you can't stand. Do that for a few years and you will take what you can get. Yeah, I'm picky. I'm just... I'll eat it or I won't, if I eat it, I'll like it or I won't. But I will be grateful to God, and whoever provided it and how, for every last morsel, in any event, when I need... Like? Exactitude? Seriously? Starve yourself for a good long time. Not fast, not from sun up to sun down but from week to week to month, nothing edible per ora. Water, I guess, just no food. Then put yourself in a place where you can't eat, even if you want to eat. A place where no one can bring you food. I have lived like that for years, off and on through several decades.
Look, if it kills you, then call it poison. I mean on to five meals of it. If it doesn't? If it's what you got, if it fills your appetite, if there is some nutrition, if you can't do better... eat it and shut the hell up! So... bagels it is! I already had a small portion of mixed nuts.
I did remember several things I thought I would forget. I put them in my phone, but just remembered so never even had to look. It's a klutzy life right now, but... pretty good for doing pretty poorly. I get lucky once in a while. I make do. I keep up on most things. If I do lead a quieter, slower, milder life... for now. Later.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
.
.
While the suffering has eased, it is only through losing my way in dread fog. Still, it is kinder than to weigh the full measure of the due of flesh at this moment. Some music, and more, for a weary lost soul.
.
While the suffering has eased, it is only through losing my way in dread fog. Still, it is kinder than to weigh the full measure of the due of flesh at this moment. Some music, and more, for a weary lost soul.
I did some things.
.
.
The extra sleep helped. I took a shower pretty quickly after waking. I have been working on the drain in the tub, and that seems to be working better. Enough so that a shower was even possible. After the shower I set the tub up to soak in cleaner and hot water. I then rested, thinking cleaning the shower would be it for today. It turns out that I needed a few groceries and some other things from town, plus an easy meal sounded good. I made it, if it sort of beat me up. Everything is put up, and I washed the tub when I got home. It's draining slowly however. Bleh. If it drains before too long, I will probably set it up to another hot soak for one more cleaning. That first one helped, but didn't quite get the results I wanted. I also cleaned the toilet today.
It really isn't much, but it is as much as I can do. Perhaps more than I should have done. I'm burning up for it. Given the givens, I really am doing well. But it is brutal. Just that little bit has me back on fire. I have no idea how many calories I am burning like this. I wondered if it was just a feeling, but with as much sweat that is pouring off me, and sticking around, even given how dry it is here... Yeah, I'm burning calories as if I was working out heavily. Igneous. Sweltry. Hot. Fiercely fiery. Oh well. Fans and ac don't really help, it's something internal. Although with it not cooling much outside, for whatever reason lately, it doesn't help. Sometimes, with enough simple environmental cooling, the fever can break. Though usually whatever is going wrong has to be fixed. In this case, something to do with insulin. Spontaneous, non-flaming, combustion. Some sort of chemical reaction.
Oh well. Later.
.
The extra sleep helped. I took a shower pretty quickly after waking. I have been working on the drain in the tub, and that seems to be working better. Enough so that a shower was even possible. After the shower I set the tub up to soak in cleaner and hot water. I then rested, thinking cleaning the shower would be it for today. It turns out that I needed a few groceries and some other things from town, plus an easy meal sounded good. I made it, if it sort of beat me up. Everything is put up, and I washed the tub when I got home. It's draining slowly however. Bleh. If it drains before too long, I will probably set it up to another hot soak for one more cleaning. That first one helped, but didn't quite get the results I wanted. I also cleaned the toilet today.
It really isn't much, but it is as much as I can do. Perhaps more than I should have done. I'm burning up for it. Given the givens, I really am doing well. But it is brutal. Just that little bit has me back on fire. I have no idea how many calories I am burning like this. I wondered if it was just a feeling, but with as much sweat that is pouring off me, and sticking around, even given how dry it is here... Yeah, I'm burning calories as if I was working out heavily. Igneous. Sweltry. Hot. Fiercely fiery. Oh well. Fans and ac don't really help, it's something internal. Although with it not cooling much outside, for whatever reason lately, it doesn't help. Sometimes, with enough simple environmental cooling, the fever can break. Though usually whatever is going wrong has to be fixed. In this case, something to do with insulin. Spontaneous, non-flaming, combustion. Some sort of chemical reaction.
Oh well. Later.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Sleep, good sleep, from time to time.
.
.
Off my feed in all ways, but not totally. Sometimes I can eat a bit more, sometimes I get good sleep in. Every third or fourth attempt at sleep, after I am as worn as I think I can become, I go down well. It doesn't make up for the truly missed sleep, interrupted sleep, and such. It does make the misery tolerable. Sort of like, when drowning in a river, having to fight for some surface time, somehow hitting the surface just enough to not die. Is that good? Until it can become better, it is damnstraight good enough. And so it was. Too much sleep, but like air, at some times, there is no such thing as too much.
With all the givens, that the cats are being kept up on with food, water, and litter box, and I get a shower and some food and sleep, plus I am very aware if not exactly able, always, to do much with it, this is good. The only bad thing about now being able to be awake, aware, and mobile to some degree when I fall this hard is that I feel the pain. I realize I have two sorts of native painkillers. For the real heavy, there was the fog. I don't know if that is a mental state or the side effects from some of my most intense natural painkillers. Perhaps a bit of both. And then there is something milder, if still pretty heavy. This is more like a local. It won't make me foggy, but it won't deal with a total body issue. It helps, but it just won't cut it all. As I have healed, and of late, the fog... I have fought it's usage, and mostly won, but there is a price. Today is one of those days I am paying it. I have been in pretty serious pain for... a while now. I was on the edge, due to it being high summer. Then when I messed up with medicine, it went to a heightened state. Now it goes from diminuendos to crescendos, sometimes at breathtaking speed, but some of it is always there.
Two, I believe normal, vials of insulin arrived today. That will last me a while at the lower dose. I should know if I have a new source before breaking into the new stash. This supply is enough, I hope, to slowly come down off insulin altogether if need be. Then begin figuring the rest out. At this point, I really don't, can't, care which way it goes. It'll just be nice to be on my way in whatever direction. Imagine, my whole life will be based on whether a doctor will see me for diabetes or not. That is what America has come... fallen... to. Remember, your turn is next and it is getting worse. Later.
.
Off my feed in all ways, but not totally. Sometimes I can eat a bit more, sometimes I get good sleep in. Every third or fourth attempt at sleep, after I am as worn as I think I can become, I go down well. It doesn't make up for the truly missed sleep, interrupted sleep, and such. It does make the misery tolerable. Sort of like, when drowning in a river, having to fight for some surface time, somehow hitting the surface just enough to not die. Is that good? Until it can become better, it is damnstraight good enough. And so it was. Too much sleep, but like air, at some times, there is no such thing as too much.
With all the givens, that the cats are being kept up on with food, water, and litter box, and I get a shower and some food and sleep, plus I am very aware if not exactly able, always, to do much with it, this is good. The only bad thing about now being able to be awake, aware, and mobile to some degree when I fall this hard is that I feel the pain. I realize I have two sorts of native painkillers. For the real heavy, there was the fog. I don't know if that is a mental state or the side effects from some of my most intense natural painkillers. Perhaps a bit of both. And then there is something milder, if still pretty heavy. This is more like a local. It won't make me foggy, but it won't deal with a total body issue. It helps, but it just won't cut it all. As I have healed, and of late, the fog... I have fought it's usage, and mostly won, but there is a price. Today is one of those days I am paying it. I have been in pretty serious pain for... a while now. I was on the edge, due to it being high summer. Then when I messed up with medicine, it went to a heightened state. Now it goes from diminuendos to crescendos, sometimes at breathtaking speed, but some of it is always there.
Two, I believe normal, vials of insulin arrived today. That will last me a while at the lower dose. I should know if I have a new source before breaking into the new stash. This supply is enough, I hope, to slowly come down off insulin altogether if need be. Then begin figuring the rest out. At this point, I really don't, can't, care which way it goes. It'll just be nice to be on my way in whatever direction. Imagine, my whole life will be based on whether a doctor will see me for diabetes or not. That is what America has come... fallen... to. Remember, your turn is next and it is getting worse. Later.
I tried to get some sleep.
.
.
Try? No, I did get some sleep. Just a few hours. Then I woke in such a way that going back to sleep wasn't possible. A few hours down was it. I have taken my medicine, I have been making some effort to eat if I am seriously off my feed. I had the ac on, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I have lowered the temp to 62 on the thing. It just isn't enough. I don't think a walk-in freezer would work. It's my core that gets too warm. What is the worst, if I am not suffering from it this time, is when my extremities freeze up while my core is burning. As is, my core is burning so hot my extremities cool to just about right.
No worries. A bit less than a week to go and I will find out what to do. I can't do much about anything until then. While some medicine, probably a vial, maybe two, will be coming in, I can't go up on dosage until I know I will be getting more. If not, I have to spare that to titrate down and off. It is tempting, but reason, or at least wisdom, says no.
Whatever else, beside the other things I am hoping to get going on, I am also hoping to begin reloading a bit more through the winter... bullet reloading. I'd like to work up a few rounds for various firearms. As a hobby, but also in order to be set for a trip into Alaskan outback. I don't really hope to hunt at great ranges, but I would like to be set up for some of that, and extreme self-defense. When what you are facing can be a ton and more it is best to not carry pressurized condiments and bb guns. Beside the gun, what bullet is in it is a factor, and whether that bullet is more or less likely, in your hands, through your gun, to hit the target. Reloading ammunition allows a lot of variables to be considered and manipulated for more favorable outcomes.
While I am awake, often, I can't stay focused. Gaming, watching shows, whatever... I'm just barely awake, but too awake to even try to sleep. The heat, I think. Showers and baths don't seem to help. And outside temps are still rather high tonight. Weird, to my mind, for night temps to be in the 70's... or were around midnight. The device is still reading 73.9 out there. Strange. It will, before too long, begin cooling off. Probably. It's been a great summer that way, though. So a warmer fall wouldn't be too much. Later.
.
Try? No, I did get some sleep. Just a few hours. Then I woke in such a way that going back to sleep wasn't possible. A few hours down was it. I have taken my medicine, I have been making some effort to eat if I am seriously off my feed. I had the ac on, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I have lowered the temp to 62 on the thing. It just isn't enough. I don't think a walk-in freezer would work. It's my core that gets too warm. What is the worst, if I am not suffering from it this time, is when my extremities freeze up while my core is burning. As is, my core is burning so hot my extremities cool to just about right.
No worries. A bit less than a week to go and I will find out what to do. I can't do much about anything until then. While some medicine, probably a vial, maybe two, will be coming in, I can't go up on dosage until I know I will be getting more. If not, I have to spare that to titrate down and off. It is tempting, but reason, or at least wisdom, says no.
Whatever else, beside the other things I am hoping to get going on, I am also hoping to begin reloading a bit more through the winter... bullet reloading. I'd like to work up a few rounds for various firearms. As a hobby, but also in order to be set for a trip into Alaskan outback. I don't really hope to hunt at great ranges, but I would like to be set up for some of that, and extreme self-defense. When what you are facing can be a ton and more it is best to not carry pressurized condiments and bb guns. Beside the gun, what bullet is in it is a factor, and whether that bullet is more or less likely, in your hands, through your gun, to hit the target. Reloading ammunition allows a lot of variables to be considered and manipulated for more favorable outcomes.
While I am awake, often, I can't stay focused. Gaming, watching shows, whatever... I'm just barely awake, but too awake to even try to sleep. The heat, I think. Showers and baths don't seem to help. And outside temps are still rather high tonight. Weird, to my mind, for night temps to be in the 70's... or were around midnight. The device is still reading 73.9 out there. Strange. It will, before too long, begin cooling off. Probably. It's been a great summer that way, though. So a warmer fall wouldn't be too much. Later.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Buying silver or gold?
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Great advice. But there are problems. Where to buy. I have been looking online. So far the "best" I have seen is about $8 over spot (which, atm, is $14.45... probably). So, for $22, almost $23, I can buy silver. Now, I should say, I am looking at what is known as junk silver. I think the only thing cheaper, and just by a bit from what I have seen, is bullion coins and bars. The problem with those is that not even I would be able to be sure if I was getting actual silver. You can't trust anybody these days. Desert Cat suggested ebay, but I can't make heads or tails out of that. Selling coins in small lots makes figuring out how much silver is there difficult, then putting the sale on a timer and adding bidding means... not going to happen. There simply is too much trust involved and I have none to spare.
I haven't looked local yet, but that is next on my list. Well, once I figure out what is going on with medical, moving, the trip, and such. I am holding off, until I know more. But I would like to put a few coins up. Yeah, there are great risks to storing. Living alone or with others, highly liquid can drip away, or simply disappear. We live in a risky world that is becoming riskier by the moment. Which is why I won't buy much. Just a little bit, that can easily be hidden, and of too little value to make a home intrusion worth the risk. Burglary is the only real thing, hereabouts, that might occur. While I am out of the cave rarely, it is enough for certain people to know. The ones who don't work often have enough time to look for a way in. Not just my place, mind you. And the world is filling with people who aren't working. People who believe they should be doing an easy nine-to-five, and deserve real money, because.
I'll keep checking. I won't be able to buy much. I could buy a small amount now, in any case. But I'm not willing to pay nearly double over spot. I would also like to figure out how to test to know if something is silver. Even the big companies will slide non-silver. I was reading about rolls of silver quarters. Some idiot suggested that only four or five coins weren't silver, which he suggested was just fine. Really? I'd be ripping people in half for messing with me like that. That, if it was just a roll, is a ten percent loss on paid goods!
Silver and gold merchants seem to be sleazier than the worst of used car salesmen, and they will cheat you if given an half a chance or not watched extremely well. Bleh.
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Great advice. But there are problems. Where to buy. I have been looking online. So far the "best" I have seen is about $8 over spot (which, atm, is $14.45... probably). So, for $22, almost $23, I can buy silver. Now, I should say, I am looking at what is known as junk silver. I think the only thing cheaper, and just by a bit from what I have seen, is bullion coins and bars. The problem with those is that not even I would be able to be sure if I was getting actual silver. You can't trust anybody these days. Desert Cat suggested ebay, but I can't make heads or tails out of that. Selling coins in small lots makes figuring out how much silver is there difficult, then putting the sale on a timer and adding bidding means... not going to happen. There simply is too much trust involved and I have none to spare.
I haven't looked local yet, but that is next on my list. Well, once I figure out what is going on with medical, moving, the trip, and such. I am holding off, until I know more. But I would like to put a few coins up. Yeah, there are great risks to storing. Living alone or with others, highly liquid can drip away, or simply disappear. We live in a risky world that is becoming riskier by the moment. Which is why I won't buy much. Just a little bit, that can easily be hidden, and of too little value to make a home intrusion worth the risk. Burglary is the only real thing, hereabouts, that might occur. While I am out of the cave rarely, it is enough for certain people to know. The ones who don't work often have enough time to look for a way in. Not just my place, mind you. And the world is filling with people who aren't working. People who believe they should be doing an easy nine-to-five, and deserve real money, because.
I'll keep checking. I won't be able to buy much. I could buy a small amount now, in any case. But I'm not willing to pay nearly double over spot. I would also like to figure out how to test to know if something is silver. Even the big companies will slide non-silver. I was reading about rolls of silver quarters. Some idiot suggested that only four or five coins weren't silver, which he suggested was just fine. Really? I'd be ripping people in half for messing with me like that. That, if it was just a roll, is a ten percent loss on paid goods!
Silver and gold merchants seem to be sleazier than the worst of used car salesmen, and they will cheat you if given an half a chance or not watched extremely well. Bleh.
Mostly crippled with a side of bruised and battered.
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Never worry. I'll limp through. If I don't, I'll count myself as lucky. I'm... just not lucky. I just wish if they would try to murder me, they would do it in a more direct fashion. Skimping on medicine and denying medical care is a rough way to go. Everything was moving at high-summer half-assed as was, now it's a quarter of that at best. From now on, I'm naming names. Won't matter, there is no law in this land at this time.
Your government is on sleazy brownout and I have doubts that it will recover. I doubt if Trump would follow his own plan, or actually implement it, failing as much of the GOP does now. Still, if it is going to be done, it won't be done by career politicians or the failed side of the quota business world. Those people have been bought and sold like fish on the market too long. don't let any of their rhetoric fool you. Then again, so have businessmen. As I mentioned, politics won't save you or the nation. You will be a part of it by taking back your life and ending your dependence on politics. If I knew more how to do it, I'd tell you. My way won't work for most. This is how nations fall into disrepair, and then the evil we are already today (abortion, infanticide, and nearing geriatricide, as well as the fiscal and economic malfeasance... importance in general opposite order). Tomorrow will be only worse with a field of politicians on both sides who honestly don't believe God has a part to play. The sheer hubris is astounding.
I'm not even grumpy about it. I just won't share your false beliefs in the big posterchildren of modernity in the sky, and a government that will, even can, take care of you. If that is what you are down to trusting, you are finished. If you had no children, if you spent like a drunken sailor or lost it all betting on the markets, if your time is coming and you are all alone? Nothing, not your fellow man, not any government, and not even God can or will save you from your wanton ways. I've accepted my fate, and would still rather do it myself. Grow a pair and grow up, accept your fate. No, you may not join me in Alaska. Go your own way, I will not care for other cripples. I told you, you are on your own.
As is, I will be limping until I either find another source for insulin, or ween myself from the stuff. I will know within a week to ten days whether I will have a new source or will have to begin weening and suffering much more severely. Once I get off it, if I eat right, I have found I do well. Though eating just right is a bit of a trick. I keep meaning to find my meter, but what about crippled isn't understood. Part of the old fog is back. Though this is different, and not quite, for now, as intense. Ah well. I'll keep at it until it all works or I get on a path that will get me to where I need to be, one way or another. Just won't quit, one way, or the other... but I might fail. Later.
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Never worry. I'll limp through. If I don't, I'll count myself as lucky. I'm... just not lucky. I just wish if they would try to murder me, they would do it in a more direct fashion. Skimping on medicine and denying medical care is a rough way to go. Everything was moving at high-summer half-assed as was, now it's a quarter of that at best. From now on, I'm naming names. Won't matter, there is no law in this land at this time.
Your government is on sleazy brownout and I have doubts that it will recover. I doubt if Trump would follow his own plan, or actually implement it, failing as much of the GOP does now. Still, if it is going to be done, it won't be done by career politicians or the failed side of the quota business world. Those people have been bought and sold like fish on the market too long. don't let any of their rhetoric fool you. Then again, so have businessmen. As I mentioned, politics won't save you or the nation. You will be a part of it by taking back your life and ending your dependence on politics. If I knew more how to do it, I'd tell you. My way won't work for most. This is how nations fall into disrepair, and then the evil we are already today (abortion, infanticide, and nearing geriatricide, as well as the fiscal and economic malfeasance... importance in general opposite order). Tomorrow will be only worse with a field of politicians on both sides who honestly don't believe God has a part to play. The sheer hubris is astounding.
I'm not even grumpy about it. I just won't share your false beliefs in the big posterchildren of modernity in the sky, and a government that will, even can, take care of you. If that is what you are down to trusting, you are finished. If you had no children, if you spent like a drunken sailor or lost it all betting on the markets, if your time is coming and you are all alone? Nothing, not your fellow man, not any government, and not even God can or will save you from your wanton ways. I've accepted my fate, and would still rather do it myself. Grow a pair and grow up, accept your fate. No, you may not join me in Alaska. Go your own way, I will not care for other cripples. I told you, you are on your own.
As is, I will be limping until I either find another source for insulin, or ween myself from the stuff. I will know within a week to ten days whether I will have a new source or will have to begin weening and suffering much more severely. Once I get off it, if I eat right, I have found I do well. Though eating just right is a bit of a trick. I keep meaning to find my meter, but what about crippled isn't understood. Part of the old fog is back. Though this is different, and not quite, for now, as intense. Ah well. I'll keep at it until it all works or I get on a path that will get me to where I need to be, one way or another. Just won't quit, one way, or the other... but I might fail. Later.
I did figure out where some of my trouble comes from.
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I've been testing waters, here and there. Seeing if this or that blog would cause problems. Now, I can't say who on the blog, whether the hostess or commenters attacked, but by proximity and such, I do know where the attack came from. Neo-Neocon's blog, from some recent comments. Most likely by "old wise men", who "don't think we (I) should create enemies". And who believe we (I) "should be nice". Hahahaha! I called them on it and they proved to be exactly what they seem to be. It has nothing to do with nice, civil, friends, or anything else. Pure cuckservatives who hate real conservatives, even when we are telling them the simple basic facts that gravity means what goes up either leaves the system or comes back down. There aren't other choices.
I can't be sure if she knew, or would care. Though I would hope that she would have just asked me to not comment. I've done it for Vox, on one of his blogs. I'll do it at any of your blogs. Just let me know. I'm not sure I do trust most "conservative" bloggers. Most are liberals. Anyone who thinks they, and by extension politics, can save this nation, are not conservatives. Period. You can't force people to do "the right thing". Hell, you can't seriously know what is the right thing. That's a life process that starts with reading the bible. Then practicing what it says. You won't ever, for sure, know. So anyone who tells you they know, or even that they know someone who knows, is wrong. You can't help your neighbor if you can't help yourself. A couple of clues, there, regarding who to avoid.
As such I have detached Neo's blog. Be careful, as the elections draw near, you are going to find out who is dangerous and stupid and civil. While I may not sound, or in fact be, nice... I am not going to hack your blog, forcing you to uninstall and reinstall some things. I'm just going to tell you how I see it. America is in real trouble folks, and some people are proving that they can't handle these things. Trump haters seems to be the worst of the lot, though Fiorina lovers seem to be heavy in the mix. Actually all those who love the weakest GOP candidates are among the worst. Watch your ass out there. And don't turn your back on those nice "conservatives".
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I've been testing waters, here and there. Seeing if this or that blog would cause problems. Now, I can't say who on the blog, whether the hostess or commenters attacked, but by proximity and such, I do know where the attack came from. Neo-Neocon's blog, from some recent comments. Most likely by "old wise men", who "don't think we (I) should create enemies". And who believe we (I) "should be nice". Hahahaha! I called them on it and they proved to be exactly what they seem to be. It has nothing to do with nice, civil, friends, or anything else. Pure cuckservatives who hate real conservatives, even when we are telling them the simple basic facts that gravity means what goes up either leaves the system or comes back down. There aren't other choices.
I can't be sure if she knew, or would care. Though I would hope that she would have just asked me to not comment. I've done it for Vox, on one of his blogs. I'll do it at any of your blogs. Just let me know. I'm not sure I do trust most "conservative" bloggers. Most are liberals. Anyone who thinks they, and by extension politics, can save this nation, are not conservatives. Period. You can't force people to do "the right thing". Hell, you can't seriously know what is the right thing. That's a life process that starts with reading the bible. Then practicing what it says. You won't ever, for sure, know. So anyone who tells you they know, or even that they know someone who knows, is wrong. You can't help your neighbor if you can't help yourself. A couple of clues, there, regarding who to avoid.
As such I have detached Neo's blog. Be careful, as the elections draw near, you are going to find out who is dangerous and stupid and civil. While I may not sound, or in fact be, nice... I am not going to hack your blog, forcing you to uninstall and reinstall some things. I'm just going to tell you how I see it. America is in real trouble folks, and some people are proving that they can't handle these things. Trump haters seems to be the worst of the lot, though Fiorina lovers seem to be heavy in the mix. Actually all those who love the weakest GOP candidates are among the worst. Watch your ass out there. And don't turn your back on those nice "conservatives".
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Oh noes! Part deux.
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Both on my blog, and on another, in comments, I have recently been told I am not nice. Oh, the horror! While my health is tough, at least I have been getting good laughing material.
To me, it is like a world which is supported by the slave labor of foreign, illegal, workers, brought in by the two parties, both to sell out the laws and reasons for which Americans have come to believe in as rules of life. Slavery is wrong, but both parties are supporting a form of it for their own various greeds. As well, the economy is supported, in the short term, until this alone causes failure, and economic boom from women in the work place, which in the end is destroying competitive pricing for workers which allowed for families. And it is fueling abortion, the murdering of babies before they are even born, all for economics. And the fucking ghouls who support all this want to talk nice? No, not you foam... or at least you haven't been foolish enough to try to support those to my face.
Yeah, no. I'm not nice. I will never be nice. If you follow the word "nice", back to it's roots, I think you will understand exactly what I think of most of these nice people. Women I understand. I do not expect women to be good at politics. Don't believe me, believe them. Women are far less likely to vote for another woman than men are. Even they know. Not that voting is a good thing, they tend to pick the worst of men.
Nice? No. I am not nice. If you wish to be nice, go ask ISIS to play cards, go into the inner city and be cheery, there are lots of ways to prove you are nice. And, as far as I can tell, many of you prove it easily, over and over, though usually quite safely back in your ivory tower or gated community I've noticed. If I can afford to be kind, I will. At this point in history, kindness is an extreme luxury, one that should not be afforded to fools or for foolish things. Go on, be nice. But be prepared for me. More? If you can't handle my words, you aren't ready to handle what is truly coming, and so you shouldn't bother voting. Not my problem though. I'll leave you to your just deserts, and believe me, I will.
Later.
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Both on my blog, and on another, in comments, I have recently been told I am not nice. Oh, the horror! While my health is tough, at least I have been getting good laughing material.
To me, it is like a world which is supported by the slave labor of foreign, illegal, workers, brought in by the two parties, both to sell out the laws and reasons for which Americans have come to believe in as rules of life. Slavery is wrong, but both parties are supporting a form of it for their own various greeds. As well, the economy is supported, in the short term, until this alone causes failure, and economic boom from women in the work place, which in the end is destroying competitive pricing for workers which allowed for families. And it is fueling abortion, the murdering of babies before they are even born, all for economics. And the fucking ghouls who support all this want to talk nice? No, not you foam... or at least you haven't been foolish enough to try to support those to my face.
Yeah, no. I'm not nice. I will never be nice. If you follow the word "nice", back to it's roots, I think you will understand exactly what I think of most of these nice people. Women I understand. I do not expect women to be good at politics. Don't believe me, believe them. Women are far less likely to vote for another woman than men are. Even they know. Not that voting is a good thing, they tend to pick the worst of men.
Nice? No. I am not nice. If you wish to be nice, go ask ISIS to play cards, go into the inner city and be cheery, there are lots of ways to prove you are nice. And, as far as I can tell, many of you prove it easily, over and over, though usually quite safely back in your ivory tower or gated community I've noticed. If I can afford to be kind, I will. At this point in history, kindness is an extreme luxury, one that should not be afforded to fools or for foolish things. Go on, be nice. But be prepared for me. More? If you can't handle my words, you aren't ready to handle what is truly coming, and so you shouldn't bother voting. Not my problem though. I'll leave you to your just deserts, and believe me, I will.
Later.
Just on the easy side of rough.
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Nothing is quite right. Too tired, a little hungry, diabetes just off into that slight burn of a minor fever... just barely if anything might push it along. The body hurts, but just a bit. Everything is on the nearly-okay side of things. But nothing, and I mean nothing, is quite right or quite good. Anyone one thing would be close enough. But when added together, it is just a bit much, too much. There is no treatment for anything, though. I don't have more medicine. Or a future source. All of these problems come down to that. Whether they have designed these medications to be addictive, or that is just the nature of them, it matters little. There won't be a good side until I find a source and then take my dose back up to an effective level. A few cc's every, or every other, day is as fast as I can go, so that means, if and when I get a source, it'll be about a week, maybe two depending on how well I tolerate, just to get up what is definitely a sub par dose, and begin moving up to find a more effective dose. Not much higher, perhaps 10~20 cc's should just about do it. Of course, that won't begin until after an upcoming appointment. I just have to suffer through this.
A package arrived. I got to the front door so that he didn't have take it all the way to the back door. I was commenting that I thought, to my mind, that the summer had been a very good one. He agreed. Sometimes that surprises me. But, yeah, he thought this was one of the better summers he has experienced. I honestly do agree. Now, if you work around water, or in certain conditions, perhaps not. More rain, even in middling temps, will create more humidity, especially in already rough areas. It does, to a degree, make a difference locally in where and what you do what you do. Though the difference between the 80's and 90's may be difficult to figure into a life, having a break from the heat, from time to time, makes that contrast much more easily noticed. If not for a couple of things, this would have been the ideal summer for here, at least in my book. Perhaps, if I get medicine back in gear, this winter will be good. I think fall is pretty much going to be spent either dealing with medicine and a trip, or packing up to bug out from government oppression. Yeah, it really is here, maybe. The V.A., if through the state... at least in part. Though the state is playing it's own roles.
Well, it looks like contact with my foster brother, thus family, is probably done. No, they really can't handle my nature. Few can, really. Most aren't used to people speaking their minds. Certainly not changing them. I... suspected it would go that way. But I didn't, wouldn't, change how I wrote in order to change the outcome. Those of you who read here regularly know exactly what I am talking about. You CAN'T talk to liberals, those without objective standards, modern professionals who are indoctrinated to believe there is no difference between good and bad, and such. Just pointing out flaws and problems... rips them up. They really can't handle the truth. I gave it a shot. Should have known. Then again, the brother... if it all works out and I still have a license to drive... that I plan to visit, though, is pretty much the same. Still, since I may well be moving away, too far to visit these folk again in my lifetime, it would have been nice to see them one last time. We certainly don't always get what we want.
Later.
.
Nothing is quite right. Too tired, a little hungry, diabetes just off into that slight burn of a minor fever... just barely if anything might push it along. The body hurts, but just a bit. Everything is on the nearly-okay side of things. But nothing, and I mean nothing, is quite right or quite good. Anyone one thing would be close enough. But when added together, it is just a bit much, too much. There is no treatment for anything, though. I don't have more medicine. Or a future source. All of these problems come down to that. Whether they have designed these medications to be addictive, or that is just the nature of them, it matters little. There won't be a good side until I find a source and then take my dose back up to an effective level. A few cc's every, or every other, day is as fast as I can go, so that means, if and when I get a source, it'll be about a week, maybe two depending on how well I tolerate, just to get up what is definitely a sub par dose, and begin moving up to find a more effective dose. Not much higher, perhaps 10~20 cc's should just about do it. Of course, that won't begin until after an upcoming appointment. I just have to suffer through this.
A package arrived. I got to the front door so that he didn't have take it all the way to the back door. I was commenting that I thought, to my mind, that the summer had been a very good one. He agreed. Sometimes that surprises me. But, yeah, he thought this was one of the better summers he has experienced. I honestly do agree. Now, if you work around water, or in certain conditions, perhaps not. More rain, even in middling temps, will create more humidity, especially in already rough areas. It does, to a degree, make a difference locally in where and what you do what you do. Though the difference between the 80's and 90's may be difficult to figure into a life, having a break from the heat, from time to time, makes that contrast much more easily noticed. If not for a couple of things, this would have been the ideal summer for here, at least in my book. Perhaps, if I get medicine back in gear, this winter will be good. I think fall is pretty much going to be spent either dealing with medicine and a trip, or packing up to bug out from government oppression. Yeah, it really is here, maybe. The V.A., if through the state... at least in part. Though the state is playing it's own roles.
Well, it looks like contact with my foster brother, thus family, is probably done. No, they really can't handle my nature. Few can, really. Most aren't used to people speaking their minds. Certainly not changing them. I... suspected it would go that way. But I didn't, wouldn't, change how I wrote in order to change the outcome. Those of you who read here regularly know exactly what I am talking about. You CAN'T talk to liberals, those without objective standards, modern professionals who are indoctrinated to believe there is no difference between good and bad, and such. Just pointing out flaws and problems... rips them up. They really can't handle the truth. I gave it a shot. Should have known. Then again, the brother... if it all works out and I still have a license to drive... that I plan to visit, though, is pretty much the same. Still, since I may well be moving away, too far to visit these folk again in my lifetime, it would have been nice to see them one last time. We certainly don't always get what we want.
Later.
Hmm, perhaps a change.
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Some time back I did change browsers. And while that was good for a while, as it turns out, Pale Moon is just as bad as the others, they just hadn't figured out how to sell out the user base. They seem to have worked with google, and whoever else, to open up users to ads from here and there, including youtube, gmail, and some other sites which were previously ad-free... with the right add-ons. So... I went looking. I am not sure the one I just tossed on is going to work. Ad-free? Yep. But the clarity on videos is limited to 360p. Perhaps there is a setting that can be adjusted, or maybe that is how youtube is trying to dust out addblocker plus users. There are other addblockers, both variants and totally different systems, to try. And I need to figure out how to adjust this browser. Oh, it's called cyberfox. There are several others to try. I will be seeing if they are just a repackaged fifefox. If it's the same company with a different name, I'll drop it. There are several other ff clones to consider.
Yeah, I might have no chance, but I will NOT QUIT. What don't you understand? I'll win some, and I'll lose some. I know this. In the end... well... I can't win. With even the smallest of faith, which I certainly have, in the right One, I also cannot lose. But that is in the long run. I'm playing middle field, on a hot day, in midlife. I've got a lot of failure, and success, yet to figure out. Heck, half the reason I really am considering running is because she might say yes. And, in a long enough run, I will ask her. Dangerous, these dames are. Sneak up on you they do. But not to kill you, to keep you alive for as long as they can feast upon you. Then kick you in the head anyway, once you fall. *grins* The trap isn't all on our side, and no one every quite figures it out. Done right, we just get what we need, a little of what we want, a less lonely walk to the grave, some surprises good and bad, and a grin about it all, from time to time... when we stop trying to get our way.
Oh, yeah. Computers, women, family, church, ourselves, our professions, our bodies, our minds, each other close and far. Much on the mind, more so as I attempt to regain control from recent freefalling. Later.
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Hmm? I#&_, someone says? Yeah, okay, I'll give them a shot. When next I can get to tech. Right now I am about to go down for a while. Thanks for the... pro tip. *grins* Seriously though. Love the way my folk talk to me. Sometimes it's the only way I can hear. Hmm... or maybe now? Yeah. I will at least download it. ~ Glad I did! Danke. Or, danke schoen actually. ;)
.
Some time back I did change browsers. And while that was good for a while, as it turns out, Pale Moon is just as bad as the others, they just hadn't figured out how to sell out the user base. They seem to have worked with google, and whoever else, to open up users to ads from here and there, including youtube, gmail, and some other sites which were previously ad-free... with the right add-ons. So... I went looking. I am not sure the one I just tossed on is going to work. Ad-free? Yep. But the clarity on videos is limited to 360p. Perhaps there is a setting that can be adjusted, or maybe that is how youtube is trying to dust out addblocker plus users. There are other addblockers, both variants and totally different systems, to try. And I need to figure out how to adjust this browser. Oh, it's called cyberfox. There are several others to try. I will be seeing if they are just a repackaged fifefox. If it's the same company with a different name, I'll drop it. There are several other ff clones to consider.
Yeah, I might have no chance, but I will NOT QUIT. What don't you understand? I'll win some, and I'll lose some. I know this. In the end... well... I can't win. With even the smallest of faith, which I certainly have, in the right One, I also cannot lose. But that is in the long run. I'm playing middle field, on a hot day, in midlife. I've got a lot of failure, and success, yet to figure out. Heck, half the reason I really am considering running is because she might say yes. And, in a long enough run, I will ask her. Dangerous, these dames are. Sneak up on you they do. But not to kill you, to keep you alive for as long as they can feast upon you. Then kick you in the head anyway, once you fall. *grins* The trap isn't all on our side, and no one every quite figures it out. Done right, we just get what we need, a little of what we want, a less lonely walk to the grave, some surprises good and bad, and a grin about it all, from time to time... when we stop trying to get our way.
Oh, yeah. Computers, women, family, church, ourselves, our professions, our bodies, our minds, each other close and far. Much on the mind, more so as I attempt to regain control from recent freefalling. Later.
--------
Hmm? I#&_, someone says? Yeah, okay, I'll give them a shot. When next I can get to tech. Right now I am about to go down for a while. Thanks for the... pro tip. *grins* Seriously though. Love the way my folk talk to me. Sometimes it's the only way I can hear. Hmm... or maybe now? Yeah. I will at least download it. ~ Glad I did! Danke. Or, danke schoen actually. ;)
Orthorexia Nervosa?
.
.
This is supposed to be a new psychological disease, that, from Dr. Helen, and to her from elsewhere, on down the line... you know how that goes... of women who obsess about healthy eating, often in lieu of a husband and family, and to the detriment of their health. Cat women who go into cuisine instead of pets? So it seems.
In my opinion, this is a case of psychologists having too much time on their hands, not of women having obsessions. Women ARE obsessive. Whether it is related to work, family, pets, food, even some rare birds who dive into the whole of domestic life. They obsess for a few years, then move on quite often. It's like they put themselves through school on various topics, then when they have what they can, just go back to maintaining and using that education. Unmarried women obsess with how they look. And that is fair, and a part of their draw to a potential mate. But if they have priced themselves out of marriage, say by wanting a man with better qualifications than what they have, while they have a ph. d. (even a useless one, to them they want someone with better, or equal). The problem with that latter example, is that there are few men with ph. d.s, and those men do not seek, as a general rule, women in their education bracket. Actually, those men often spurn such women.
Actually, obsessing about food is an excellent thing for unmarried women to consider. That, along with looks, and a few other domestic skills and womanly ways, will draw a man to her. If I find out a woman can't, or won't, cook, or is stupid about food, I won't even consider her. Well, now that lovers have no interest to me. I don't do short term relationships, and I want dinner and pie, from time to time. Sexist? Why do you think women are returning to domestic obsessions? Because they are realizing that men don't think much of a "smart" girl, or a "powerful" girl, or an "educated" girl, they just want a partner who can handle what men generally can't. I can cook. I can chef. But not well, certainly not on my own, and it isn't food you would want to feed a family. What I cook is too expensive, too rich, too... and too rare. I am not a good family cook. Just a barbarian getting by. I am lousy about nutrition, actually, especially as family goes. And my system is a little different. What I eat won't work for women, certainly not for children.
No, I think this sort of a diagnosis is more about shooing women away from the domestic, and another attack on the potential for family life, than it is about anything wrong with this focus that young and unmarried women are obtaining. All I have to say is, ladies? Keep it up. You cook a man four or five dishes, without much thought, that satisfy his hunger, you will do more to catching him than having two or three ph. d.s plus a six figure salary (unless you are willing to go really low on the male totem pole). Cook, have a clean home, help him with his, smile even when you don't want to, and keep those knees closed until after marriage, then keep them as open as possible. You want a man, then do the work for it. And make sure to have children, almost immediately, regardless of what he says. Grumpy as we are, there is something about mini-me's, and the women who suffer to bring the children before us.
Can food become an obsession? Sure. Can it go off kilter? Yeah. But, if survived, this fixes itself. And, as I suggested, obsessions are native to women. I am obsessing myself, of late. At least before I fell on medical malpractice. Kefir, my wheat grinder is in, a dehydrator, canner, vacuum sealer... sure... Though each as a purpose and capacity that fills roles I already had going, which were much more expensive otherwise. So... if I am considered to have issues with food, again, I toss it back at the doctors, who are probably hurting, clinically, as the Great Depression 2.0, Zerocare, and the rest, guts their angsty middle class out of the money that they used to waste on the faux sci-med that is psychiatry. Kitschy, I suppose, but no longer affordable to the social class that used to buy into it. A very good thing. There are good parts to great depressions.
Later.
.
This is supposed to be a new psychological disease, that, from Dr. Helen, and to her from elsewhere, on down the line... you know how that goes... of women who obsess about healthy eating, often in lieu of a husband and family, and to the detriment of their health. Cat women who go into cuisine instead of pets? So it seems.
In my opinion, this is a case of psychologists having too much time on their hands, not of women having obsessions. Women ARE obsessive. Whether it is related to work, family, pets, food, even some rare birds who dive into the whole of domestic life. They obsess for a few years, then move on quite often. It's like they put themselves through school on various topics, then when they have what they can, just go back to maintaining and using that education. Unmarried women obsess with how they look. And that is fair, and a part of their draw to a potential mate. But if they have priced themselves out of marriage, say by wanting a man with better qualifications than what they have, while they have a ph. d. (even a useless one, to them they want someone with better, or equal). The problem with that latter example, is that there are few men with ph. d.s, and those men do not seek, as a general rule, women in their education bracket. Actually, those men often spurn such women.
Actually, obsessing about food is an excellent thing for unmarried women to consider. That, along with looks, and a few other domestic skills and womanly ways, will draw a man to her. If I find out a woman can't, or won't, cook, or is stupid about food, I won't even consider her. Well, now that lovers have no interest to me. I don't do short term relationships, and I want dinner and pie, from time to time. Sexist? Why do you think women are returning to domestic obsessions? Because they are realizing that men don't think much of a "smart" girl, or a "powerful" girl, or an "educated" girl, they just want a partner who can handle what men generally can't. I can cook. I can chef. But not well, certainly not on my own, and it isn't food you would want to feed a family. What I cook is too expensive, too rich, too... and too rare. I am not a good family cook. Just a barbarian getting by. I am lousy about nutrition, actually, especially as family goes. And my system is a little different. What I eat won't work for women, certainly not for children.
No, I think this sort of a diagnosis is more about shooing women away from the domestic, and another attack on the potential for family life, than it is about anything wrong with this focus that young and unmarried women are obtaining. All I have to say is, ladies? Keep it up. You cook a man four or five dishes, without much thought, that satisfy his hunger, you will do more to catching him than having two or three ph. d.s plus a six figure salary (unless you are willing to go really low on the male totem pole). Cook, have a clean home, help him with his, smile even when you don't want to, and keep those knees closed until after marriage, then keep them as open as possible. You want a man, then do the work for it. And make sure to have children, almost immediately, regardless of what he says. Grumpy as we are, there is something about mini-me's, and the women who suffer to bring the children before us.
Can food become an obsession? Sure. Can it go off kilter? Yeah. But, if survived, this fixes itself. And, as I suggested, obsessions are native to women. I am obsessing myself, of late. At least before I fell on medical malpractice. Kefir, my wheat grinder is in, a dehydrator, canner, vacuum sealer... sure... Though each as a purpose and capacity that fills roles I already had going, which were much more expensive otherwise. So... if I am considered to have issues with food, again, I toss it back at the doctors, who are probably hurting, clinically, as the Great Depression 2.0, Zerocare, and the rest, guts their angsty middle class out of the money that they used to waste on the faux sci-med that is psychiatry. Kitschy, I suppose, but no longer affordable to the social class that used to buy into it. A very good thing. There are good parts to great depressions.
Later.
Monday, August 31, 2015
With odds like that, who needs assassins or doctors.
.
.
That was close. I had called in for insulin some time ago. But they had to patch the request through. To be fair, by the time they assigned me to a doc, I got at least the one last supply. I didn't know for several days, because the doc hung up on me. How much is in it, that I don't know. I had asked for an increase in insulin, as I was right at the point of an increase but neither my syringes nor medicine volume currently received was enough to support an increase (by their instructions and my readings (which reminds me, I need to find my meter)). Anyway, I am glad I decided to cut back. I was going to cut it to 30 cc's, but that... well... that's been painful. I am going with 35 cc's after a day or three of 30, hoping that will slake the harsh pain of the steep fast cut just a bit. However, assuming medicine does show on time, I have just about exactly enough. There might be a day, perhaps two, more in that last vial. But no more. How about that? Thinking on my toes saved my ass, and more than likely people out there reading this thought I was just being a dumbshit. Maybe I am, but I am a better one than many people are. If I am being ripped up at a little less than 2/3rds dosage, a few days to a week of no medicine, if I had maintained the regular dosage, would have been absolutely brutal, and lethal to... you average dumbshits.
Oh, yes. I am a bit grumpy about things. Then again, as Zerocare gets progressively fitted to your treatment, and you get one and only one doctor/system, and they can tell you to take your medicine, whatever that is, and there is no choice for you, you will begin to understand my plight. Wait until they consider high blood pressure mental illness, or ignore all the signs of a treatable illness because it is too complicated or expensive to treat. Or when a doctor just doesn't like you bible thumping morality and Christ devoted cretins, and mistreats you just for that. I have dealt with each, right here in Utah, in the last few years, but throughout my illness I have dealt with these things over and over and over. Overpaid Nazi goons, who have no interest in your health and no way to even be sued or otherwise hurt for malpractice unless it can be proven to be intentional. A very difficult thing to prove. Even then, they can't be sued. Often they are just fired... and moved to another V.A.
Yeah, you are going to like Zerocare. And, remember, a lot of doctors, quite often the good ones, are quitting. They know that bureaucrats, who are over them, and will decide how and when they can treat, makes for terrible medicine. The docs who are just in it as a business, or got through on quota, will stick it out. Well, and the young ones who are into so much debt that at least some time at the profession is required. There are some differences, the similarities seems stronger. I guess time and deathrate will show.
Later.
.
That was close. I had called in for insulin some time ago. But they had to patch the request through. To be fair, by the time they assigned me to a doc, I got at least the one last supply. I didn't know for several days, because the doc hung up on me. How much is in it, that I don't know. I had asked for an increase in insulin, as I was right at the point of an increase but neither my syringes nor medicine volume currently received was enough to support an increase (by their instructions and my readings (which reminds me, I need to find my meter)). Anyway, I am glad I decided to cut back. I was going to cut it to 30 cc's, but that... well... that's been painful. I am going with 35 cc's after a day or three of 30, hoping that will slake the harsh pain of the steep fast cut just a bit. However, assuming medicine does show on time, I have just about exactly enough. There might be a day, perhaps two, more in that last vial. But no more. How about that? Thinking on my toes saved my ass, and more than likely people out there reading this thought I was just being a dumbshit. Maybe I am, but I am a better one than many people are. If I am being ripped up at a little less than 2/3rds dosage, a few days to a week of no medicine, if I had maintained the regular dosage, would have been absolutely brutal, and lethal to... you average dumbshits.
Oh, yes. I am a bit grumpy about things. Then again, as Zerocare gets progressively fitted to your treatment, and you get one and only one doctor/system, and they can tell you to take your medicine, whatever that is, and there is no choice for you, you will begin to understand my plight. Wait until they consider high blood pressure mental illness, or ignore all the signs of a treatable illness because it is too complicated or expensive to treat. Or when a doctor just doesn't like you bible thumping morality and Christ devoted cretins, and mistreats you just for that. I have dealt with each, right here in Utah, in the last few years, but throughout my illness I have dealt with these things over and over and over. Overpaid Nazi goons, who have no interest in your health and no way to even be sued or otherwise hurt for malpractice unless it can be proven to be intentional. A very difficult thing to prove. Even then, they can't be sued. Often they are just fired... and moved to another V.A.
Yeah, you are going to like Zerocare. And, remember, a lot of doctors, quite often the good ones, are quitting. They know that bureaucrats, who are over them, and will decide how and when they can treat, makes for terrible medicine. The docs who are just in it as a business, or got through on quota, will stick it out. Well, and the young ones who are into so much debt that at least some time at the profession is required. There are some differences, the similarities seems stronger. I guess time and deathrate will show.
Later.
Looks like the monsters are trying to rig the race.
.
.
I was able to view youtube for a while, both on my and other blogs and at the site. No more. I haven't changed my settings since resetting them. It looks like google/youtube/others are trying to force advertising, and really corrupt invasive cookies. I simply won't allow some things. They are big enough companies that they can push around those who rate cookies, but they can't shut the community up. So... until google et. al. decide to play ball, I am done messing with it. If they would play nice, if they would use cookies without such terrible reviews, exploits, connection to hackers and viruses, and such, they might not get such resistance. Even offering a fair price for ad-free. But they don't. They try to bully, to force, to push, and they will lose.
I, and many others, can live without the hassles of this electro-crap. They aren't friends. At best they fill a want. Not a need, I don't need them. No one needs them. I will simply, again, advise that these companies stop trying to act like the little Nazis and communists, pushing and shoving. Hungry for money? Offer a product, at the right price with the option of advertisement (but ones that can be trusted enough to be allowed). You've done it to yourselves. And, until you play nice? I'm going to try to block everything you throw my way while trying to warn others, and teach them to do the same. There are a hellalot more of us than you. And you are only a want, though even that is slipping lately, beside your hackery. Youtube is cutting music out like MTV did. Maybe not a choice, maybe musicians are being just as jammed as users are, don't know. But music is dying, and that's the only reason to even (and just) want youtube. You guys better figure it out or you'll be taught, placed and the dustbin of history, and maybe replaced or just not. Tired of petulant children who think they own my computer because I use their services.
I can comment on those blogs I had been blocked on. At least for now. It seems that as soon as they figure out I have figured out the problem, they, or a hacker, undoes my solution.
Gah! Later.
.
I was able to view youtube for a while, both on my and other blogs and at the site. No more. I haven't changed my settings since resetting them. It looks like google/youtube/others are trying to force advertising, and really corrupt invasive cookies. I simply won't allow some things. They are big enough companies that they can push around those who rate cookies, but they can't shut the community up. So... until google et. al. decide to play ball, I am done messing with it. If they would play nice, if they would use cookies without such terrible reviews, exploits, connection to hackers and viruses, and such, they might not get such resistance. Even offering a fair price for ad-free. But they don't. They try to bully, to force, to push, and they will lose.
I, and many others, can live without the hassles of this electro-crap. They aren't friends. At best they fill a want. Not a need, I don't need them. No one needs them. I will simply, again, advise that these companies stop trying to act like the little Nazis and communists, pushing and shoving. Hungry for money? Offer a product, at the right price with the option of advertisement (but ones that can be trusted enough to be allowed). You've done it to yourselves. And, until you play nice? I'm going to try to block everything you throw my way while trying to warn others, and teach them to do the same. There are a hellalot more of us than you. And you are only a want, though even that is slipping lately, beside your hackery. Youtube is cutting music out like MTV did. Maybe not a choice, maybe musicians are being just as jammed as users are, don't know. But music is dying, and that's the only reason to even (and just) want youtube. You guys better figure it out or you'll be taught, placed and the dustbin of history, and maybe replaced or just not. Tired of petulant children who think they own my computer because I use their services.
I can comment on those blogs I had been blocked on. At least for now. It seems that as soon as they figure out I have figured out the problem, they, or a hacker, undoes my solution.
Gah! Later.
Yeah, well...
.
.
A few things are being sorted out. It seems youtube has figured a way to force advertising on it's videos. They aren't, as they had been, 30 second video blobs per video. They simply overrun the screen, and despite preferences, shove screen-eating ads into videos. I'm not sure they hit all of them. I just reconfigured Pale Moon, and add-ons, so I am just, finally, again, able to view videos again. I still can't block blogger for counting my own pageviews. Even when I stripped the add-ons off, and opened up everything, just on that page, that I could, would that work. Part of the problem might be that some of the add-ons were, essentially, dead. Addblock latitude seems to be unavailable, but was supposed to be a form of addblocker that was just for Pale Moon.
Yeah, right now, everybody is hankering to get their hand in everybody's pocket. They don't care how they do it. They will strip down users, they will corrupt governments, they will slam, shame, break, and steal, to get some numbers. IF their content was what it used to be and IF they offered a fair add-free fee and IF I thought I could trust them on any of this, I would pay a nominal fee. Unfortunately, after having watched them gut my system and security to force ads, I will continue to look for a means of cutting out their ads, looking for other video sources, and cutting usage.
I did get a decent sleep today. With the trash out, I may see about hitting the kitchen, really hard, soon. Today? Maybe, maybe not. I think I can clear a decent part of it, in a day, but a long heavy word day. It's possible. Now, that day might be better to be at night, when it's cool. I really want to get back on the cave, and whip it into some kind of shape if I can. I have jerky to make, wheat to grind, and some other things.
I received a call today. Whatever amount of insulin is coming will be here Thursday, or so I have heard. With an appointment in a week or so, perhaps some of this can be managed. I am simply not holding my breath on anything. I'm not worried, I won't panic, I will simply do what I have to do. In spite of being ill, and all, at least they really can't pin me down. Now that the diagnosis is beyond a doubt just a heart issue, they can't use other "medical" fields to try to isolate and control. Must suck for medi-bureau-wienies. Later.
--------
Okay, so I thought to check the 'shall not count my pageview' button. This time it worked. Don't ask me, I have no idea why now and not then, or then, or then, or... Bleh.
.
A few things are being sorted out. It seems youtube has figured a way to force advertising on it's videos. They aren't, as they had been, 30 second video blobs per video. They simply overrun the screen, and despite preferences, shove screen-eating ads into videos. I'm not sure they hit all of them. I just reconfigured Pale Moon, and add-ons, so I am just, finally, again, able to view videos again. I still can't block blogger for counting my own pageviews. Even when I stripped the add-ons off, and opened up everything, just on that page, that I could, would that work. Part of the problem might be that some of the add-ons were, essentially, dead. Addblock latitude seems to be unavailable, but was supposed to be a form of addblocker that was just for Pale Moon.
Yeah, right now, everybody is hankering to get their hand in everybody's pocket. They don't care how they do it. They will strip down users, they will corrupt governments, they will slam, shame, break, and steal, to get some numbers. IF their content was what it used to be and IF they offered a fair add-free fee and IF I thought I could trust them on any of this, I would pay a nominal fee. Unfortunately, after having watched them gut my system and security to force ads, I will continue to look for a means of cutting out their ads, looking for other video sources, and cutting usage.
I did get a decent sleep today. With the trash out, I may see about hitting the kitchen, really hard, soon. Today? Maybe, maybe not. I think I can clear a decent part of it, in a day, but a long heavy word day. It's possible. Now, that day might be better to be at night, when it's cool. I really want to get back on the cave, and whip it into some kind of shape if I can. I have jerky to make, wheat to grind, and some other things.
I received a call today. Whatever amount of insulin is coming will be here Thursday, or so I have heard. With an appointment in a week or so, perhaps some of this can be managed. I am simply not holding my breath on anything. I'm not worried, I won't panic, I will simply do what I have to do. In spite of being ill, and all, at least they really can't pin me down. Now that the diagnosis is beyond a doubt just a heart issue, they can't use other "medical" fields to try to isolate and control. Must suck for medi-bureau-wienies. Later.
--------
Okay, so I thought to check the 'shall not count my pageview' button. This time it worked. Don't ask me, I have no idea why now and not then, or then, or then, or... Bleh.
From bad to worse.
.
.
At least online. Now I cannot view youtube videos. They simply won't play. Not on my blog, not on their site. Right before they quit playing, they were trying to force 30 second advertisements. If that is the choice, I will go without youtube.
I had thought to go to bed. I decided to push on past a bit, in order to perhaps call that doctor today. I have no idea when that office will open. I am hoping it will be around 8:00, 8:30 at the latest. I called to see if a message would indicate office hours, but no such luck.
My mother called. I think she was hoping for a normal talk. It has been years, probably closing on a decade, since I have been in such dire straits. She wondered if I had been having seizures or passing out lately. I had to laugh. Other than the problems from dropping medicine a little to quickly, and dropping dosages once I got back on medicine, even with that actually, I am doing better, healthwise, since I became ill. No, it's not ideal, my condition(s). Yet I am far better than I have been from about thirty years ago until about a year or two ago. No good deed goes unpunished it seems.
I'll let her know if this other doctor works out or not. If not it means I probably won't be traveling. Can't drive without a drivers license. Well, you can. But I won't be. I'll be cleaning and putting the rig up for sale, and figuring out how to trim my possessions, and get those to Alaska. Everything else will simply have to take care of itself. Yeah, really. I don't have much of a choice myself. You can't live in the country, on your own, without wheels. It's too much to ask to have people take you in for shopping, or shop for you, in my opinion.
It sounds like an appointment is likely. That doesn't mean treatment is likely. Getting tired. I sure wish I knew when the office opened. Later, or just good night. I don't think I'll be blogging until after my next sleep cycle.
-------
I did make the call, and the appointment is arranged. I don't know if it will work out, but I know what it will cost, upfront. It's my last chance. If this doesn't work, life gets a lot more complicated and uncomfortable after that. Drawing down insulin, and the rest of the medicine, yet trying to figure out how to get out. It'll be ugly, might still take a year, but I will get it done. Life has gotten just a little tight. While it might not seem like it's possible, I have had many times as rough of situations. At least this time I know what really is wrong, not some boggy b.s. psych. diagnosis. I can work with a known, not so much an unknown.
I will need glasses too. I am looking at options for that as well. At least two pair, but maybe a third, if two of them can be standard, with one bifocal. I can live without the latter still, mostly. The others will get me through standard affairs, as backups. Though two or three? Depends on price. Good night.
.
At least online. Now I cannot view youtube videos. They simply won't play. Not on my blog, not on their site. Right before they quit playing, they were trying to force 30 second advertisements. If that is the choice, I will go without youtube.
I had thought to go to bed. I decided to push on past a bit, in order to perhaps call that doctor today. I have no idea when that office will open. I am hoping it will be around 8:00, 8:30 at the latest. I called to see if a message would indicate office hours, but no such luck.
My mother called. I think she was hoping for a normal talk. It has been years, probably closing on a decade, since I have been in such dire straits. She wondered if I had been having seizures or passing out lately. I had to laugh. Other than the problems from dropping medicine a little to quickly, and dropping dosages once I got back on medicine, even with that actually, I am doing better, healthwise, since I became ill. No, it's not ideal, my condition(s). Yet I am far better than I have been from about thirty years ago until about a year or two ago. No good deed goes unpunished it seems.
I'll let her know if this other doctor works out or not. If not it means I probably won't be traveling. Can't drive without a drivers license. Well, you can. But I won't be. I'll be cleaning and putting the rig up for sale, and figuring out how to trim my possessions, and get those to Alaska. Everything else will simply have to take care of itself. Yeah, really. I don't have much of a choice myself. You can't live in the country, on your own, without wheels. It's too much to ask to have people take you in for shopping, or shop for you, in my opinion.
It sounds like an appointment is likely. That doesn't mean treatment is likely. Getting tired. I sure wish I knew when the office opened. Later, or just good night. I don't think I'll be blogging until after my next sleep cycle.
-------
I did make the call, and the appointment is arranged. I don't know if it will work out, but I know what it will cost, upfront. It's my last chance. If this doesn't work, life gets a lot more complicated and uncomfortable after that. Drawing down insulin, and the rest of the medicine, yet trying to figure out how to get out. It'll be ugly, might still take a year, but I will get it done. Life has gotten just a little tight. While it might not seem like it's possible, I have had many times as rough of situations. At least this time I know what really is wrong, not some boggy b.s. psych. diagnosis. I can work with a known, not so much an unknown.
I will need glasses too. I am looking at options for that as well. At least two pair, but maybe a third, if two of them can be standard, with one bifocal. I can live without the latter still, mostly. The others will get me through standard affairs, as backups. Though two or three? Depends on price. Good night.
Such a small chore.
.
.
Taking out the trash. Now, it wasn't just one bag. I have three garbage cans, and a recycling can. Three are smaller kitchen sized, the other is a larger size, though not the outside size. All were full, and more. Beside the regular, and extra I was able to get out beyond that... another sack, and two thirds of the cat litter in a sack on it's own(I'll finish up the litter after this coming payday), plus recycling and a lot of fussing to get that one filled, plus getting all those out to the curb bins, then getting those to the curb... then given my condition? Yeah, it was a lot of work.
I even ran water for some dishes. I'm having trouble with the drain in the tub, so I have actually been working on that for several days now. I don't know what the problem is, but nothing I have done had helped. I used baking soda and vinegar, finally, in it tonight... to almost no affect. I have been plunging the heck out of that for a while now. As I can get to it. The kitchen and bathroom sink, and toilet, are draining well (enough). But the tub is just a beastly problem. I am almost at the point of considering calling in a plumber.
I swear, as many things that are going wrong, pretty much all at once, I really think there is more of a problem than I thought. Perhaps I really am being shoved out. The church? Which one? If 60% of Catholics believe in gay marriage, it might be that one. Though I don't think they really have the means. Secular? That's definitely part of it. It might even be all of it. I just can't know. It doesn't take much to sabotage a drain. The rest of it would take some social connections, but that is all but guaranteed for unionists, bureaucrats, medical, academics, and the like in these days. They are so busy connecting they do a pisspoor work. But they do screw with people who call them on much of what they do and stand for.
My lungs are a bit used up after just that little bit. I suspect, as I get down to a sustainable level of medications, or eventually end medicines if I can't get a reliable supply set up, I'll do better. But for now I am just going to have to suffer. And suffer I do. I am pleased with what I got done though. Given the givens, most definitely, I did well. I really wasn't sure I could do it, or all of it, or tonight. And yet here I am, done and done. I won't have to push out of bed early to finish, or start. I am not sure if it is recycling, but with only one extra bag to add, and the rest of it mostly full, it's just worth the risk to get it out there.
I have no idea when I will be going to bed. I've been staying up longer, sort of, these last few times. And sleeping longer. I think I have, for the last two out of three efforts, both stayed up and slept for around eight hours. Not a great thing, on any score, just far better than otherwise for the last week. It feels like a month, with what seems like a week of mini days in each day. Whatever. Later or good night.
.
Taking out the trash. Now, it wasn't just one bag. I have three garbage cans, and a recycling can. Three are smaller kitchen sized, the other is a larger size, though not the outside size. All were full, and more. Beside the regular, and extra I was able to get out beyond that... another sack, and two thirds of the cat litter in a sack on it's own(I'll finish up the litter after this coming payday), plus recycling and a lot of fussing to get that one filled, plus getting all those out to the curb bins, then getting those to the curb... then given my condition? Yeah, it was a lot of work.
I even ran water for some dishes. I'm having trouble with the drain in the tub, so I have actually been working on that for several days now. I don't know what the problem is, but nothing I have done had helped. I used baking soda and vinegar, finally, in it tonight... to almost no affect. I have been plunging the heck out of that for a while now. As I can get to it. The kitchen and bathroom sink, and toilet, are draining well (enough). But the tub is just a beastly problem. I am almost at the point of considering calling in a plumber.
I swear, as many things that are going wrong, pretty much all at once, I really think there is more of a problem than I thought. Perhaps I really am being shoved out. The church? Which one? If 60% of Catholics believe in gay marriage, it might be that one. Though I don't think they really have the means. Secular? That's definitely part of it. It might even be all of it. I just can't know. It doesn't take much to sabotage a drain. The rest of it would take some social connections, but that is all but guaranteed for unionists, bureaucrats, medical, academics, and the like in these days. They are so busy connecting they do a pisspoor work. But they do screw with people who call them on much of what they do and stand for.
My lungs are a bit used up after just that little bit. I suspect, as I get down to a sustainable level of medications, or eventually end medicines if I can't get a reliable supply set up, I'll do better. But for now I am just going to have to suffer. And suffer I do. I am pleased with what I got done though. Given the givens, most definitely, I did well. I really wasn't sure I could do it, or all of it, or tonight. And yet here I am, done and done. I won't have to push out of bed early to finish, or start. I am not sure if it is recycling, but with only one extra bag to add, and the rest of it mostly full, it's just worth the risk to get it out there.
I have no idea when I will be going to bed. I've been staying up longer, sort of, these last few times. And sleeping longer. I think I have, for the last two out of three efforts, both stayed up and slept for around eight hours. Not a great thing, on any score, just far better than otherwise for the last week. It feels like a month, with what seems like a week of mini days in each day. Whatever. Later or good night.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
No Pods?
.
.
Perhaps there is some other method. Of course, if all else fails, there might be a few other methods. Pods storage and transport would be about the best way to move if I can't drive. There might be other methods, though, too. I have to start looking now. Who knows how fast or long this will all take to work out. And, yeah, it goes to Alaska. Without a vehicle, my ticket to Alaska, by boat, should be vastly reduced. I might not be required to take the fairy, perhaps some other method. The goal will be to transport in the spring, so hiking and various public transport might get me to the new destination through the summer, and perhaps get me to a lodging agreement through the winter.
Yes. I am not sure if the push is to get me out of here, or to try to cripple me so that I have to stay. Maybe a bit of both. One thing you will find is that bureaucrats don't like to deal with those who are under-served but have too much strength to be bullied around. They set up systems to filter. That may be what this is. Yeah, it's real. At this point, I wouldn't stay if they paid me. I would like to stay a couple more years, though, to try to get health issues under control and to sort out my affairs. Without a drivers license, I simply don't have that luxury. I realize the Lower 48, and modern medical, social, and political bureaucracy will chase after me and mine for the rest of our lives. It's either leave or submit. Most men have submitted... almost completely. Sad, but not my problem.
I'll not know anything more tomorrow. I won't know anything more until an appointment has happened. This is the last doctor I am going to mess with. I can't afford to pay for nothing. I'll have to let some people know that some things won't be happening, get my vehicle ready for sale, and begin looking for a method for moving and begin timing things. Rough. Oh, and I'll have to begin cutting medicines down, beginning the big quit, and seeing what might work, food and drink wise, to replace as well as I am able what I will be quitting.
Later.
.
Perhaps there is some other method. Of course, if all else fails, there might be a few other methods. Pods storage and transport would be about the best way to move if I can't drive. There might be other methods, though, too. I have to start looking now. Who knows how fast or long this will all take to work out. And, yeah, it goes to Alaska. Without a vehicle, my ticket to Alaska, by boat, should be vastly reduced. I might not be required to take the fairy, perhaps some other method. The goal will be to transport in the spring, so hiking and various public transport might get me to the new destination through the summer, and perhaps get me to a lodging agreement through the winter.
Yes. I am not sure if the push is to get me out of here, or to try to cripple me so that I have to stay. Maybe a bit of both. One thing you will find is that bureaucrats don't like to deal with those who are under-served but have too much strength to be bullied around. They set up systems to filter. That may be what this is. Yeah, it's real. At this point, I wouldn't stay if they paid me. I would like to stay a couple more years, though, to try to get health issues under control and to sort out my affairs. Without a drivers license, I simply don't have that luxury. I realize the Lower 48, and modern medical, social, and political bureaucracy will chase after me and mine for the rest of our lives. It's either leave or submit. Most men have submitted... almost completely. Sad, but not my problem.
I'll not know anything more tomorrow. I won't know anything more until an appointment has happened. This is the last doctor I am going to mess with. I can't afford to pay for nothing. I'll have to let some people know that some things won't be happening, get my vehicle ready for sale, and begin looking for a method for moving and begin timing things. Rough. Oh, and I'll have to begin cutting medicines down, beginning the big quit, and seeing what might work, food and drink wise, to replace as well as I am able what I will be quitting.
Later.
I know what the blogger problem is.
.
.
It seems that someone had gotten into my machine and figured out how to keep certain cookies from being accepted. I have looked on my browser, in my security suite, and in any other place, including several add-ons, for where cookies could be shut off. I can't find it. It might not even be an easy place for other than a tech to shut down, or reset. Is it google? Is it a hacker? Is it some other internet player? Is it political, social? I honestly don't know. But they have shut down my ability to comment. I do suspect that it is a blogger, or other commenter, who was too afraid to debate something who simply reported my comments. It's how they work.
As for health, at least I am able to stand without even using all four limbs. Just legs or just arms, and without pain or doubt. I am a bit feverish however. I suspect that until I get used to the lower doses of insulin I will be overheating regularly, regardless of the temp. I think I went cold, internally, when I dropped it cold turkey. That is what caused the charlie horses everywhere. This feverishness is akin to when you have had a few drinks, and then one or two too many. Not a drunken state, more the physical discomfort that goes with it... beside it. Makes sense, given what alcohol does and what diabetes is about. Even eating the right foods doesn't mean much if blood sugars are all wrong. Everything eaten has a similar affect to alcohol, at least for me.
I've been up nine hours after sleeping and waking for two to six hours, off and on, through the last few days. With the other medicines back on full track, I am no longer water bloated. Rough though, trying to get everything back into some kind of shape. I am praying the doctor will take the case tomorrow. I'm not quite sure what to do otherwise. I'll probably stop payment on my home, storing what I can, until I can just take off... slimming belongings down, figuring out how to transport what I want to keep, and the price. Lots of things.
Someone, in around about way, asked about marriage and family. Oh, sure. I'm not exactly sure that is a real possibility. I am not sure she is actually interested. I am not sure it would be tolerated externally, assuming (which I don't) that she is interested in the first place. And more, it doesn't matter. While women have to have certain things in play for them to find/be found by a mate, and have children... they have to believe... men do as well. Whether man or beast, being caged, especially for some sorts, would make breeding impossible. Marriage and all that is risky from the start. Add huge problems and stresses in, and it just won't work.
Hmm... I guess that is it for now. Later.
.
It seems that someone had gotten into my machine and figured out how to keep certain cookies from being accepted. I have looked on my browser, in my security suite, and in any other place, including several add-ons, for where cookies could be shut off. I can't find it. It might not even be an easy place for other than a tech to shut down, or reset. Is it google? Is it a hacker? Is it some other internet player? Is it political, social? I honestly don't know. But they have shut down my ability to comment. I do suspect that it is a blogger, or other commenter, who was too afraid to debate something who simply reported my comments. It's how they work.
As for health, at least I am able to stand without even using all four limbs. Just legs or just arms, and without pain or doubt. I am a bit feverish however. I suspect that until I get used to the lower doses of insulin I will be overheating regularly, regardless of the temp. I think I went cold, internally, when I dropped it cold turkey. That is what caused the charlie horses everywhere. This feverishness is akin to when you have had a few drinks, and then one or two too many. Not a drunken state, more the physical discomfort that goes with it... beside it. Makes sense, given what alcohol does and what diabetes is about. Even eating the right foods doesn't mean much if blood sugars are all wrong. Everything eaten has a similar affect to alcohol, at least for me.
I've been up nine hours after sleeping and waking for two to six hours, off and on, through the last few days. With the other medicines back on full track, I am no longer water bloated. Rough though, trying to get everything back into some kind of shape. I am praying the doctor will take the case tomorrow. I'm not quite sure what to do otherwise. I'll probably stop payment on my home, storing what I can, until I can just take off... slimming belongings down, figuring out how to transport what I want to keep, and the price. Lots of things.
Someone, in around about way, asked about marriage and family. Oh, sure. I'm not exactly sure that is a real possibility. I am not sure she is actually interested. I am not sure it would be tolerated externally, assuming (which I don't) that she is interested in the first place. And more, it doesn't matter. While women have to have certain things in play for them to find/be found by a mate, and have children... they have to believe... men do as well. Whether man or beast, being caged, especially for some sorts, would make breeding impossible. Marriage and all that is risky from the start. Add huge problems and stresses in, and it just won't work.
Hmm... I guess that is it for now. Later.
Oh, right...
.
.
I saw this out there. I saw it several times. Sometimes his stuff just isn't to taste. Sometimes it is. And I wasn't really interested if he was another Trump hater. I finally gave it a chance. And, yeah, we definitely share some points. I'm not even going to try to tell you who should be on your ballet. I am only going to tell you who MIGHT be on mine. Unlike him, I don't think much of the rest of the field. From foreigners to sell-outs, and that is on the deeper end of the pool, I am not happy with the candidates. I am tired of firsts, and from Kennedy to Obama, that hasn't worked out for us at all. I don't want to try a Mexican, an Indian, a woman, or a "conservative" black. Not interested at all. But that's me. Most likely, to be honest, I won't even vote for trump.
You do realize that, despite what folks like Vox suggest, conservatives haven't done much because we don't do much. Many don't vote. He suggests he doesn't care, but spites the nose on his face when he suggests that. He does care. He might be a bit off his political feed, with no to him solid candidacies, but he would dearly love to see a politician after his own heart win. I suppose I would too, if, as I mentioned, I still may not vote. I'm not only not sure of politics, I am positive of it... in that it will not save us. Either we do or nobody does. Politicians will have to be humbled, bureaucrats fired and their numbers all around reduced, etc. But that isn't going to happen through this sort of politics.
Unlike others, that isn't exactly why I am for Trump. Or more positive in that direction. It is more that he isn't tripping over his tongue trying not to say what is true. He names the major problem in America and has set forth a path to tackle it. He doesn't hide from what he has said in the past, or done. He has tackled the media, even the "conservative" media. He has plugged, pushed, pulled, and in spite of itself, the media can't get enough of him. Every political and media trick pulled on him just wins him favor, but they just can't seem to afford to shut him out.
.
I saw this out there. I saw it several times. Sometimes his stuff just isn't to taste. Sometimes it is. And I wasn't really interested if he was another Trump hater. I finally gave it a chance. And, yeah, we definitely share some points. I'm not even going to try to tell you who should be on your ballet. I am only going to tell you who MIGHT be on mine. Unlike him, I don't think much of the rest of the field. From foreigners to sell-outs, and that is on the deeper end of the pool, I am not happy with the candidates. I am tired of firsts, and from Kennedy to Obama, that hasn't worked out for us at all. I don't want to try a Mexican, an Indian, a woman, or a "conservative" black. Not interested at all. But that's me. Most likely, to be honest, I won't even vote for trump.
You do realize that, despite what folks like Vox suggest, conservatives haven't done much because we don't do much. Many don't vote. He suggests he doesn't care, but spites the nose on his face when he suggests that. He does care. He might be a bit off his political feed, with no to him solid candidacies, but he would dearly love to see a politician after his own heart win. I suppose I would too, if, as I mentioned, I still may not vote. I'm not only not sure of politics, I am positive of it... in that it will not save us. Either we do or nobody does. Politicians will have to be humbled, bureaucrats fired and their numbers all around reduced, etc. But that isn't going to happen through this sort of politics.
Unlike others, that isn't exactly why I am for Trump. Or more positive in that direction. It is more that he isn't tripping over his tongue trying not to say what is true. He names the major problem in America and has set forth a path to tackle it. He doesn't hide from what he has said in the past, or done. He has tackled the media, even the "conservative" media. He has plugged, pushed, pulled, and in spite of itself, the media can't get enough of him. Every political and media trick pulled on him just wins him favor, but they just can't seem to afford to shut him out.
Very off still.
.
.
I haven't been sick like this in a very long time. It is difficult to eat. The only thing that could still be a problem is the reduction in insulin. I suppose I will just have to get used to it until I find a source I can trust. I have been doing so well with medications, for the most part, for so long, that this trouble seems to be ripping me up.
Oh, I know. I don't do really well. I mean, this summer has been a bit of a falling out anyway. Given the heart function, that is, at times, as good as it will get. But I wasn't ill, I simply wasn't able to swing hammers, or go fishing, or get out as often as I would have wished. And the heat got to me a bit on top of it. Going to happen. But it was a healthy, really, break. Not lately. And if what I am still sensing is true, until I can increase insulin back up to level, I am going to be just that much off, more so in warmer, or more extreme, weather.
I have been extremely thirsty as well. Drinking quarts of slightly flavored water, milk, coffee, and whatever else at a time. Kefir is tasting off. I'm just not sure what the problem is. I wonder if they pasteurize at a higher temp in the summer? I may have to give up on kefir until fall. It does seem to work, but... the taste is really off. Maybe it is something else. But it seems to more go bad than do right... or my taste buds are off? Don't know.
The other problem is sleep. Only a few hours up or down at a time. Nothing I am doing or trying is fixing that. Life is quite rough. Getting slightly better being back on most medicine at full dosages. I'll keep trying, I guess. Later.
.
I haven't been sick like this in a very long time. It is difficult to eat. The only thing that could still be a problem is the reduction in insulin. I suppose I will just have to get used to it until I find a source I can trust. I have been doing so well with medications, for the most part, for so long, that this trouble seems to be ripping me up.
Oh, I know. I don't do really well. I mean, this summer has been a bit of a falling out anyway. Given the heart function, that is, at times, as good as it will get. But I wasn't ill, I simply wasn't able to swing hammers, or go fishing, or get out as often as I would have wished. And the heat got to me a bit on top of it. Going to happen. But it was a healthy, really, break. Not lately. And if what I am still sensing is true, until I can increase insulin back up to level, I am going to be just that much off, more so in warmer, or more extreme, weather.
I have been extremely thirsty as well. Drinking quarts of slightly flavored water, milk, coffee, and whatever else at a time. Kefir is tasting off. I'm just not sure what the problem is. I wonder if they pasteurize at a higher temp in the summer? I may have to give up on kefir until fall. It does seem to work, but... the taste is really off. Maybe it is something else. But it seems to more go bad than do right... or my taste buds are off? Don't know.
The other problem is sleep. Only a few hours up or down at a time. Nothing I am doing or trying is fixing that. Life is quite rough. Getting slightly better being back on most medicine at full dosages. I'll keep trying, I guess. Later.
Even with little sleep I am doing much better.
.
.
I have been getting up from chairs without any pain or fear after that last post. You can't imagine what that is like, without having gone through it. It is truly frightening to not be sure you will be able to stand without falling. And to suffer literal pain in the effort. Sleep is still off, but it feels like I sleep well when I do sleep. I'll be going back to sleep shortly. I am back on medicine. I am trying to eat a meal a day, and would like to increase that to maybe two meals.
That was a wicked little spill. I still can't be sure what the cause was. I haven't been able to find my blood sugar tester. I didn't think it was a blood pressure problem, so I didn't fuss with that. I am sure, until I have a regular source of insulin and begin down that path again, I may not quite feel right. Still, a steady lower dose is better than nothing.
Thunder and lightening, a rain storm must be coming in. They aren't too terrible here. Actually they are usually simply pleasant, and a little short lived. I do believe I'll figure out something else for dinner. I tried the cereal, but I think I soaked it a little too long. I may set up another batch for tomorrow, since I have enough milk and kefir. This time I'll go with oatmeal. A few eggs and some heated grain mash, I suppose. Hmm, and some smoked pork roast.
Oh, looks like this will be my second best month for visits so far. I am at 2,237 so far. I don't think I'll break the record, from last month, but I did break the previous record from just the month before. Funny thing is, I know there are more than what are showing up. Those who comment never show up as having visited. Perhaps the stats are four to six hours behind? Even then, they don't always show up. Who knows who is really visiting though. The internet isn't so much a mystery as a fraud, quite often. Though that seems to cut in both directions. Odd.
A bit of gaming, until bedtime calls. Later, or good night.
.
I have been getting up from chairs without any pain or fear after that last post. You can't imagine what that is like, without having gone through it. It is truly frightening to not be sure you will be able to stand without falling. And to suffer literal pain in the effort. Sleep is still off, but it feels like I sleep well when I do sleep. I'll be going back to sleep shortly. I am back on medicine. I am trying to eat a meal a day, and would like to increase that to maybe two meals.
That was a wicked little spill. I still can't be sure what the cause was. I haven't been able to find my blood sugar tester. I didn't think it was a blood pressure problem, so I didn't fuss with that. I am sure, until I have a regular source of insulin and begin down that path again, I may not quite feel right. Still, a steady lower dose is better than nothing.
Thunder and lightening, a rain storm must be coming in. They aren't too terrible here. Actually they are usually simply pleasant, and a little short lived. I do believe I'll figure out something else for dinner. I tried the cereal, but I think I soaked it a little too long. I may set up another batch for tomorrow, since I have enough milk and kefir. This time I'll go with oatmeal. A few eggs and some heated grain mash, I suppose. Hmm, and some smoked pork roast.
Oh, looks like this will be my second best month for visits so far. I am at 2,237 so far. I don't think I'll break the record, from last month, but I did break the previous record from just the month before. Funny thing is, I know there are more than what are showing up. Those who comment never show up as having visited. Perhaps the stats are four to six hours behind? Even then, they don't always show up. Who knows who is really visiting though. The internet isn't so much a mystery as a fraud, quite often. Though that seems to cut in both directions. Odd.
A bit of gaming, until bedtime calls. Later, or good night.
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