Rough and worse.

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Cramps are back, but just in my arms.  My forearms, biceps, and triceps all suffer from this.  Not only is the pain a general nuisance, but that creates a weakness.  I would carry anything too heavy that was precious or vital and delicate.  A gallon of milk easy enough, if I take care with angles, so not extremely weak.  Just, to my ways, a bit limited.  I also have little control over sleep and waking.  It just happens.  When I do finally get to sleep, though sometimes that happens quickly and too easily in the last few days, I sleep for extra long shifts.  Some of this may be fall setting in.  Some of it is that fast deep cut of insulin.  I never know how two or more things will mix.  I just know that almost any change will hurt, even if it may be for the good.

You might think that would make me hate changes.  There is one aspect of me that doesn't really appreciate these bumps in the road.  And I do avoid changes for the worse, as I know that is hard road that will have to be corrected, more than likely, on even more hard road.  When the change in direction is in a positive direction, I approve.  Just as if I find a new source for insulin.  I will grit my teeth as the fever from increasing that to the level it needs to be begins.  I may do it more quickly, or more slowly, depending on what I can honestly take.  I avoid completely crippling myself doing these things, if possible.  It's just, with the uncertainty of insulin, I had no choice but to cut, and immediately.  If I have a choice to do otherwise, I do so.  This is brutal.  I can bear against it for a while, no real choice.  And I can cut it, over time, fully, if need be.  But there will be a price.

I doubt if I will be working today.  I may just end up back in bed.  I can't believe how tired I am.  Later.  Or good night, again.