Still pretty cool out there.

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Up nine points, to 41, just a bit before 08:00.  I had to close the windows.  The cold was getting into the house.  It had dropped from 68 when I came down to 65.  Very strange, those windows had been open all night already.  Maybe morning air movement was bringing it in, but I didn't feel that.  Just, of a sudden, a sudden frigid environment.

Someone is visiting very old posts.  I'm never sure why.  Just as stories?  Is there some understanding, belief, or the want of such?  I never can tell why.  Some of those stories bring back rather strong memories.  Nancy, Shelly before her, the pressures of chastity when... I didn't know better, of my own accord.  I simply knew that... some things weren't allowed by civil society, in spite of almost being pushed by it?  The confusion as lies build up and pregnancies can happen.  It's all a trap, and, yet, not.  It just seemed, doing the right thing, or the wrong thing, made me the bad guy.  Even by the bad guy who became the good guy who... wanted me to be the bad guy.  I was the bad guy, I just... didn't want to... make babies, quite yet.

Other memories, thoughts.  Someone is digging.  Dreams, which... may or may not have anything to do with a past I don't remember.  Dreams, of course, always have elements of fiction, or often can.  But... not always.  And, not always the one some suspect.  I account my dreams as well as I may.  Even if I know something in the dream is not accurate to life, I write it as I dreamed it, not as I know it.  And I pretty much stick to the script, even if I don't like the script.  The dream isn't mine to alter.

But very strange what is being picked to review.  All good.  I do see that my blog, like myself, is slowly dying.  I'm not sure which will hit bottom first.  Probably the blog.  I am not even certain it is being allowed visibility, if I do my part in that.  I think other parties make even a direct search difficult.  If one doesn't have a link to a post by which to enter, access may not be easily made.  My guess, then, is this is an old timer.

Not cooling.

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Last time I checked, an hour or two ago, it was just down to 72!  Way too warm to be of much help.  The wind seemed to be going, but it wasn't bringing anything cool in.  It is 77, here near the computer, 75 pretty much everywhere else.  Though, just now... did I feel something cool, air with a touch of moisture?  Or am I just hoping.

Kefir, and a fatted coffee, with a dose of insulin... 16~20 cc's, iirc... and a few hours, three?  Blood sugar is at 116.  Very, very strange.   I didn't trust it, to not crash, so went slow and light with the dosing.  Glad I did.  That's an 84 point drop, with the food that seems to be causing spikes?  Very strange.  There was one other thing I had some concern about... the vinegars I have brewing.  I had been sampling those.  I stopped doing that a few days ago.  So, yea, no.  That isn't it.

I wonder, if I cap the kefir too tightly in the refrigerator, if that will revert altered sugar back into some sort of sugar again?  I can't thing so.  I believe, all that would do, is create a more carbonated drink.  Especially since it is in the fridge only a few days before use, after having fermented well enough on the counter.  So, no.

The only thing I can imagine is if the kefir is being used, or drained off, and refilled with whole milk.  In the fridge, it wouldn't ferment quickly, and would then contain more lactose... sugar... might as well be.  But I'm not seeing evidence of that, and, yes, I have... tricks and traps to check.  They would have to bring their own milk in.  It... becomes a dubious proposition, at that point.

The other thing is, the medicine.  It comes from China.  There is a reason China is not trusted, and shouldn't be making our medicine.  Though, too, our medical industrial complex is almost as lethal to those it sees as unfit, or tries to be, as the military industrial complex.  Both of which are quite comfortably in bed with China.  Ugh.  Not much I can do about that, save try to work my way off insulin.  But... that hasn't been doing so well.  Something isn't adding up.  I have limits as to figuring it out, sorting it out, and finding a solution.

Oh... on to set up laundry, though a shower and shave first.  Which means bringing the towels in.  OH!  Yea, wind just picked up, majorly!  And it IS cooler.  I best get going.  It might even rain.  Anyway, a few things tonight.  I got a few things yesterday.  I'll do what I can.

I would really like to... get things cleared and cleaned, as much as I can, in case my mother shows up.  It won't be immediately.  But... it... if it happens... will happen quickly.  I think she will be happy with my pantry, but will add some things.  I am hoping she can figure out my keto ingredients though, because I won't allow flour, or sugar, in my foods.  I've worked too hard, even if it doesn't really show.  Not even in my health.  Not. the. point.  It is the only thing that slightly works, and the meds I am finally taking, when I can.

Later.

Problems?

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Solutions.

Someone has been using my sink, in the bathroom, to clean oily, greasy, hands, tools, or something.  I have been setting things up so that it is more difficult to get in.  But that doesn't completely stop all of the activity.  They used to leave the bathtub and sink like that, now just the sink.

Well, that was causing a backup, or slow drain anyway.  But, right at the moment, just in the sink.  I have stuff for that, and it works quite well.  But I had to get the mechanical drain plug out.  I... first had to tinker, to remember... exactly... how to remove that.

Some have a hook, which can be undone from the bar.  This one has to have to bar removed from behind the drain pipe.  I was, after a bit of tinkering, able to sort that out and get it done.  A bit of tinkering... then... oh yeah... best put the bar and attachment assembly back on, or drain water will go out the back as surely as it will go down the pipe.  Check... right after a dose of reality hit the floor.

Fine.  So, I had to chase Sam out.  But she was just in seeing what I was up to.  Didn't like getting chased out.  Women and underfoot, cat, human, dog... all the same.  Anyway, yeah.  The chemical puts off rather strong odors, and Sam doesn't smell so well these days.  I opened the window, put stuff down, ran hot water... which activates the stuff, shut the door and got out for a while.  I turned on a fan, too.

A bit later, I returned and gave it another shot of stuff and hot water.  Then, again, scooted and let it do it's work.  Returning a bit later, it seems to have done it's work.  Then, to degrease the sink.  It really gets filthy.  I had been wondering if it was backup, from the septic tank.  Which... might have been true if it was both the tub and sink (at least, but lets just say they offered relief enough that it didn't get to other plumbing drains).

The problem with it just being the sink is... that wouldn't happen.  Assuming the above assumption, it would need both.  Further, it really wouldn't bring grease in.  I don't put grease out.  No.  This is someone using my sink for washing filthy greasy hands, or parts/equipment.  I better not catch whoever is doing it.

Yes, I sleep so hard I wouldn't know.  I try to keep the place locked up, but... you can't keep the dishonest out.  It happens rarely, anymore.  Though, I am not sure if it is a misuse, or if it is sabotage.  I best not ever catch them doing it.  Things, people, will be broken.

Anyway, I just had to finish up.  To one degree, the good thing about doing this was I was finally able to get the drain plug set back up correctly.  I have been having to manually reach behind and down, and pull the bar.  I may have to work on it more, but I got it fairly tight and well done.  Still, you know how these things go.

After that, I used degreaser in the sink basin.  It did work.  The last stuff I tried didn't work well.  Too mild.  This stuff is... nasty.  Rubber gloves and eye protection highly recommended.  It did work.  But it also tells me that the stuff in the sink wasn't backup.  It was something being added to the sink, down through it.  As I said, misuse/abuse or sabotage, that I don't know.  There are some who... would do so, locally.  On both sides of various fences.

But, for now, it is done.  I used some of the new degreaser on somethings in the tub, but that didn't work.  I don't know what it is in there.  It looks like grease, but has had no reaction to any degreaser, soap, or various other cleaning supplies I have tried.  I have no idea what they put in there, or dumped in.  It's been a while, is wearing off a bit, but... I just don't know.

As I was finishing, I was beginning to feel very off.  Couldn't be blood sugar.  I just had a pan of beans and burger.  With a small dose of insulin.  But, I was wrong.  Blood sugar had dropped to 58!  This is really becoming annoying!  I do little and it crashes, I do a lot and it ends up over 200.  I wonder if they are adding things to some of my food in the fridge.  You aren't paranoid if they really are out to get you.

A couple of rolls of glucose tabs later, and I'm almost feeling human again.  Well... as human as a non-human can feel.  Later.

Something very wicked this way comes.

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We no longer have a government.  Neither is it legitimate, nor is it for our benefit.  The military, intelligence services, even the bureaucracies, are against us.  Who, exactly, are they for?  Do they even know?  Do they just, as with tyrannies past, just do what they are told, just do their job, and not worry about who gives the orders or the effects those have?

It is even to a point where they aren't supporting what had been their system supports.  From Hollywood to the media, not only have people dropped out, but the powers that be aren't even trying to create the fake numbers which lend legitimacy.  The only reason most companies remain seemingly alive is because they are being bought by our government which is being bought by China, Japan, and whoever else is buying our debt.  It's... all debt, their is no value, worth, wealth, in any of that.

Everything is illegitimate at this point.  Nothing is supported by the people.  Whoever is in power doesn't care.  What is it they know, or think they know?  Who really is endangered?  Who is writing the scripts for news and else?  And what is coming?  I am pretty sure they don't know much.  They are afraid.  Not really of us, but of something.  Are they just buying time?  Or is there some kind of game at hand, one they think can be won?

I would be cautious.  Don't trust what you hear, what they say.  Be ready.  Have some extra food on hand.  Don't do anything without really thinking it through, no matter how dire the warnings seem.  Be careful out there, folks.  Something is terribly wrong and very few are honestly on your side.  Many who have your ear may well sell you out to get even another day themselves, or for their family.

It's coming, slow or fast.

What are you doing on my porch?

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Who are you?  Though, I... suspect I know.  Walk with care, here.

They don't understand.

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Oh... I get that.  I didn't understand, once, at once, and more.

We all want to be right.  And, should we live in grace, we can live well... or even not such as me but... yet... live well even in our limits.  We may even live so well we may wish to require others to live rightly.  It... seems reasonable.  It... isn't.  Until He kills the mercy, mercy is required.

Mercy, patients, and other things.  Beyond us?  Such is living in a world of sin, especially if we reject this world.  Then again, if we reject this world as even Christ did, this is not his kingdom.  If it were?  If it were, there are none who could have kept His people from stopping His crucifixion.  He said it Himself.

I have been taking note, of late.

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Oh, I do see.  I do understand.  Do you?

Isaiah 53:3-4

Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (my preferred)

3 Despised, and the most abject of men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with infirmity: and his look was as it were hidden and despised, whereupon we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he hath borne our infirmities and carried our sorrows: and we have thought him as it were a leper, and as one struck by God and afflicted.

Oh, I get it.  I do.

Brutal.

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Not noticed when waking, but slowly more apparent as I woke.  My neck is way out, to the point of a severe headache and nausea.  Well?  Well, so what.  I may take it a bit slower, but I will work today.  A shower in about ten minutes.  Blankets upstairs and whites into the laundry.  Dishes set up.  A bit of a rest.  Then out and to it.  It seems as if the sun is up and out, for what it is worth this time of year.

It is time to work.  Hurt or not.  I took aspirin around ten, to no good affect.  I bought a different painkiller, one that is good for swelling and fevers... I didn't have anything the last time I got severely sick.  Won't do that again.  They may not be the best with heart medicine, but they won't be used regularly.  Further, when aspirin fails, it is good to have something else to try... especially if I really need to get going.

The phone went off earlier, twice.  I just couldn't find it!  Then, a few hours later, I remembered where I might have put it.  I will... keep it there, as a regular night place, from now on.  It looks like V.A. or SSA called.  Or both.  Anyway...  I do plan to create a farraday cage, perhaps triple layered if I have enough material.  Definitely double layered.  There are some... tricks to it.  As well, eventually they will be trying to get through that, design a way to transmit through such systems.  Continuous testing is good, but other means of testing will be required.  Most likely, they will change frequencies, or create a scattered or focused transmitter which isn't constantly on, or easy to notice.  They want your data.  A recorder and transmitter is all that is needed.  Your software and hardware are owned.  Unless you control or contain... even then, understand, you are always heard.  If nothing else, God knows... and... you know.  Limits.  But them?  Fuck them.  If I can give them nothing, I will.

Unfortunately, I don't think a continuation for President Trump will change this, any more than it will build the rest of the wall.  Or... I would have voted for him.  Still, a Biden win would be slightly to much worse on this and that, and dozens of other scores.  Oh... so... why not vote Trump?  Well... because, if Trump is only going to slow the decline, but not stop the demographic invasion, then it becomes a death by a thousand cuts.  I'd druther just have the whole head chopped cleanly and neatly, or Civil war to ensue... maybe both?  Cheers.  As I said, I support Trump, but not enough to vote for him.  Only to defend his legal rightful win.  Let the people have their true say, and leave it at that.  His win, too, would be a sting to those who want to change America, making it a new USSR.  There is that.

Anyway... it's about time to begin beginning!  Yeah!  Later.

She forgets herself.

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And myself?

Improvement almost immediately.

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Mostly.  Actually both hands are... giving me fits.  Things had to improve enough I could notice.  But the rest of the body just feels better.  No aspirin was taken.  But insulin was taken, both sorts.  I take slow acting this time of day, generally, and took fast acting with a fatted coffee.  As well, I took heart medicine.  And, yes, that... did something.  I think both did... something.  If, too, I think the body is just improving.

Narcissist?  If you lived alone for decades at a time, couldn't really get out, have limits this way and that, can barely stay awake, wake up, or go to bed, have few controls or outside inputs, and standing for an half hour has become a stretch due to health, you... will find that what little you can deal with has to do with self.  My body is such high maintenance that it is almost all I do.  I added cats, then ducks, and soon rabbits.  But...

And I don't dare discuss real people.  My mind flies.  I see, suspect, live in shadows.  So... it's... best I not discuss real people.  And, yet, blogging is one of the few hobbies I have that I seem able to do regularly.  There isn't much I can do, even house chores are often beyond me.  My conditions are what I have to offer.

Further?  I... doubt if anyone actually reads here.  I see visitors, counting to from 3,500 to 7,500 a month.  But that doesn't mean anyone reads anything.  I can't remember when someone wrote a comment?  Jean was the last, I think?  So, really, I am... or believe I am... alone in this little box, chirping at the wind.  There really isn't anyone there.  I... know that.  The one who is foolish enough to call me a narcissist is either a blind fool or a devil of some sort.  Not my problem, in either sense of the word.

I suppose Fable is a narcissist too?  When alone, and bound to be for the rest of ones days, one gets into peculiar habits.  If you don't like it, can't take it, walk.  I... won't notice.  I... don't believe you are here anyway.  Scoot.

Later.

Food thoughts.

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I wanted to try a smash burger tonight.  I also wanted to try a keto bun.  So I did.  I had to do some washing, and a bit of cast iron conditioning.  The skillet and the placket.  The water draining from last night, and having a duckling stuck out, refusing to go in, with both myself and a mothering hen trying to get her in, many times, left me... well... drained, in every way.  So, just the two pieces and a steel spatula were cleaned.

I did season the cast, several times.  Not a fresh seasoning, merely a refreshening, if twice.  Trying to build a better base.  Either the burgers... sliders is what we used to call what I made... were too large, or the skillet was too small.  I can easily make smaller burgers, as this was large even for my thinking.

Smashed very thin, allowed to crust, flipped and allowed to crust, cheese put on one, the other flipped on top, then both flipped again.  Onion slices, condiments, and that keto bun.  I bet the patties could be half cooked in advance... say a few days.  Then heated to cook the raw side, cheesed, flipped after the cheese is melted, and quickly set out on whatever, a bun, keto bun, or lettuce wrap.

The keto bun I tried... I had to revise the recipe on the fly.  Even I know when something is far too thin.  It might have set, eventually, but as an egg loaf, not an almond flour bread.  I had to quadruple the almond flour.  But... that worked.  The bun was too crumbly, if that was a monster double slider with a giant's fistful of cheese smack in the middle.  I am not certain any bun would have done well, perhaps a kaiser?

As well, it tasted more like cornbread?  Okay, not tasted, but the texture was definitely that of cornbread... rather soft cornbread.  No complaint, just notes.  With a few tricks, this will easily be fashioned into a keto cornbread.  Hamburger bun?  I have my doubts.  It may require coconut flour, and or oat fiber (or some such), maybe phylum husk... something somethings.

I then tried a grilled cheese with the last two slices.  It... missed.  Not a terrible thing.  Just... not there, not right, yet easily edible.  It filled the hunger inoffensively, if just.  Everything I did tonight has promise.  Everything will need tweaked, changed as to ingredients, size, and or purpose, but it is a start.

Further, after a bit more research, against my paranoia, I decided to obtain a food logger app.  Actually I grabbed two.  I then decided to activate a specific one, but remembered...  Oh, I didn't tell you.  My bank overcharged a check, thankfully not to overdraft status... this time... but still... AND cancelled my debit card.  They, when I called, they had not informed me in any way before cancelling, told me why.  It seems they suddenly found my card number up for sale on the black market.  Anyway, so no activation until that works.

I really can't be sure if that is an employee at the bank, or the upper echelon at the bank stomping on peons.  Some of it is certainly bank level.  I am more suspicious of the upper echelon, as an employee would eventually... quickly... be caught... unless it's private policy and that employee had cover from above.  Think Romney.  Too many incidents, too often, over four or five months now.  But the credit card might be youtube.  I signed up for a free month...

I was dubious.  They are monstrously woke.  Still...  Things seemed okay.  But then I noted they weren't allowing refresh.  No new songs.  So I searched for an older song I liked, by a white European group.  The search turned up nothing but darkies, having nothing to do with the search.  It took a bit, deciding what to do, figuring out how to do it, then doing it.  That, if I had to bet, was the debit card problem.

I quit.  No reason telling them why, they know.  I guess they neither need nor want paying customers.  I doubt if their bosses care.  Paid to spit out propaganda by state level actors, even if the little antifas and bl(don't)m thugs aren't told.  Useful idiots of the deepstate US government.  All, actually, are on the same side, mind you.  It's just that none of them like it.

Live and learn.

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Those eggs.

The first batch, I did everything, but the last thing, right.  I warmed the eggs to at or possibly slightly above room temperature.  I do that by putting them in warm water, which I do to check quality.  Floaters are bad and are eliminated from the contest.  If the water is slightly warm, which it is if I do... initially because I hated putting my hands in cold water in the winter the first time I learned to do that... I will leave them in that while I arrange all else.  Then the pot gets that bit of water, and put on the stove to heat.  I often will speed it up by cranking the heat.  Then, when the water begins to boil, I'll put the eggs in, put on the lid, set the timer, and (usually) turn down the heat.  Not that first time.  The water was gone, in eleven minutes, and some of the eggs were slightly burned.  Thankfully not too terribly so that any horrid odor was created.

You may have noted, I could be spooky.

. . No, really. Some of you understand that what I write might indicate I have a negative capacity for anything. And, there is that. Asking for trust is not something I would say or recommend as a general rule. First, the people who say that upon being questioned are people you should absolutely avoid. But more, I do not think trust is quite what it seems. I might trust Joe for this and Carol for that, but neither on all things, or even most things, or even all that far in any direction. That is not cynicism, just an understanding of the fact we are a fallen people. Only God can be trusted, and that assuming there is life after death. Some trust death and taxes and yet, I do not pay taxes and death has failed me... quite often.

No, do not trust me. I will say in my defense that I am not a sociopath, a psychopath, or even all that dangerous without cause and perhaps even with cause. Perhaps I am and am simply unaware of the danger. I know I have potential to be extremely dangerous but I do not know how weakened that potential is at this point, at this age, in this health. I suspect a threat could and would be treated reasonably with whatever force might be required, to horrendous ends if absolutely pushed, but I realize I might not even see it coming and actually might prefer not to see it. This last is where I do not completely trust what I am saying. If I am conscious, there is a good chance I would see it and react with skills and talents beyond what most even understand exist. Being out of shape might be my one problem, but having been elevated to the level of a controlled psychosis, a trained and honed will which goes beyond what would kill many all by itself, I am not even sure of that. The thing is, it is controlled. I would not simply snap and go over the edge. As half wolf half dog breeds err on the side of the wild, I err on the side of the domestic... right down to blind need and even within absolute rage due to mechanical pain, from what I have seen.

However, having become what I am, I see in some the opposite and other flavors of chaos. There are many people who live a functional seemingly kindly life who would kill, cause social harm, do unethical amoral and immoral things either on some cue from some source antithetical to goodness or who are simply and truly feral. I see these people, I see into their souls, I know they are dead and have no chance of resurrection in this or the next life, at least not a resurrection into true life. There have been many movies which have depicted these types, though more in a fantasy way. Some that come to mind quickly include vampire and werewolf type movies, The Body Snatchers (several versions), the television series "V", and many others.

The difference between real life and movies and shows is that there are no aliens, or radioactive, chemical, or viral explanations. People choose to be evil and then give themselves over to that. If someone tells you that there is no good and no evil, they are lying. Further, they have chosen evil. There is no use discussing anything with these people, unless like me you like tinkering with their logic in such a way as to let them know you know precisely what they are. When they realize you have been in their shoes and have found a way out, they will hate you. They will hate you right down to wanting you dead. These, folks, are the people you had best treat like venomous vipers.

What frightens me is, today, there are huge numbers of these people. Some of them go to churches. Some of them act as ministers. They run academia, from K through Grad. They are in power in nearly every nation of the world, to various degrees. I must admit, however, these people have often risen to power throughout the history of the world. The problem with the past, and possibly the present, is they are a vast minority, split into factions, or both. As such, at least historically and usually, they have not been able to complete their quests. As I see it, though they have won in areas and for times, they have usually been stopped either totally or at their (or some) borders, often by good sometimes by other evils. Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, Hitler, the names of their leaders are infamous, though these are only the recent ones. Those who support these people or their aims are among the walking dead, if there are others of differing forms. Chaos, evil, death, whatever you want to call it, uses many tools and many styles in order to perpetuate itself and destruction.

What does stand against these things? Family, actually, is one of the most powerful antidotes. Not dad, mom, and 2 1/2 children, but families of several to many children. Religion, true religion, does as well. Any religion that does not support the family in absolutes should be avoided. It is a false religion in the way that by their seed you will know them is true. Education, does as well if it is unadulterated. If education were limited to simple functional reading, math, and real science, that would be enough if family and religion were strongly encouraged. Reading is the strongest skill to pass to children, all else will flow from a good understanding of that, just as math is more vital than science in that with math all science may be known. There are real antidotes to evil. It is easily noticed what is being harassed in America, and the rest of the world, and which way who wants what to go forward, mostly. I must admit, I thought Americans had given or lost in that last election cycle. Or perhaps I thought the thing was no longer available for choice. It may be too late but it looks like Americans are not completely giving out. Still, I have been whipping this nightmare for decades. To see others just now waking up is... frustrating. Well, at least I see some hope, real hope. Though that may end up simply being people living ghosts of the life they once lead, but humbly and with real satisfactions. Time will tell.

The next time you speak with a professor, an atheist, a Democrat, a serial killer, a pedophile, a teacher, a union member, have a small list of questions. Is evil real? Are some things unquestionably wrong? Is there hope for the world? Can you do anything to correct anything? Are you responsible, personally, for what you do? Look into their eyes, listen to the tone of their voice, listen to how they say what they say. Not all are lost, but the ones who are are notable in their emptiness. Understand that nothing is empty. If there seems to be nothing inside, understand that something is being hidden. Possibly hidden even from the consciousness of the face which seems to be the person you are speaking with. Wow and are they brazen when they go to work doing whatever for reasons they may not even know. Hiding ballots, allowing criminal behavior, being lewd, on to murder and suicide. Some truly do not know what they do. The ones who do are much more dangerous, in that they pull others into darkness knowingly and with purposes other than mere gratifications. Look around, the face of evil is all around you.

Just because I know evil, what it thinks, how it reacts, and perhaps even why sometimes does not mean I accept or kneel to it. Not that one can only know himself by knowing his enemy, but whichever way it starts out, knowing one's self will surely allow one to know one's enemy, and vise-versa. I cannot say for sure I started out evil, I only know I was headed that way. I was deep in the enemy camp before I fully realized I was going to die forever if I stayed there. I saw their plans, they are rather simple. The madness one contends with in fighting them and those plans is merely illusion. They bring, create, craft, and get stuck in that madness, but it is a fiction. They are self-destructive. They know mostly hate, using sex or camaraderie or other facsimiles of goodness to draw people in. No, I am not among them. Actually, I am psychically allergic to them. I can sense them, smell them on some level. That is my story and I am sticking to it.