Medicine has been canceled.

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The V.A. is requiring and in-person physical.  But they still require the mask, which I really can't do.  So, it's done.  I have been canceled.  And, so be it.

The trick now is to muster any last med I have, and use it as possible, to lesson the blow.  It will be harsh.  I am thinking, half a dose a day, every other type, spread out over a few weeks, maybe a month.  But insulin will be out... quickly.  So be it.  That's just the way it goes.

Just got off the phone with the nurse at my former doctor's office.  That's that.  No way around it.  Oh well.

This may be a vindictive move, because I refused to indulge them in there anit-medical queer "study".  Piss off, good and hard, if that's the case.

Troubled.

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Have you ever worked too hard, to the point you feel oxygen deprived enough that perhaps you might pass out?  Have you ever done that while sitting for hours?  There you go.  I thought, perhaps, being active, doing something, as a reverse psychology being applied to physiology, might help.  NOPE!  I came close to passing out.

I let the ducks out, just for an hour.  While the water can be open in the pool, I want them to enjoy.  However, I am keeping it short, as mentioned.  I went out to let them back in.  Usually they go right in... unless they just aren't interested.  Around and around we went.  The second, going on third time I thought to check.  Ah.  The inner, screen, door was shut.  Perhaps when I  pulled the food bin out?  I have to close the door when filling their food tray.  Usually I open it afterward.  I do think someone goes through, from time to time.  "Borrows" feed, just goofing, dunno?

Anyway...  Still, once the gate is back open doesn't mean they will just go in.  They have become accustomed to the chase.  The trick, then, is to get them to stop near the outer door, think, and reconsider what to do.  Only then will they then notice the inner gate is open and go in.  That about clocked me.  I was seeing stars so thick I wasn't sure I would make it to my chair.   Actually, I don't remember from (I hope) just before closing the inner gate and sitting.  I'll check that and the back door soon.  I've also received a wonderful headache.  Left, high center slightly above the middle of the center of the brow.  Like a spike, but not terrible pain... throbbing, not constant.   Well, and with a drawn gut, as if I ate cardboard.

I have been eating carefully.  Watching keto and calories.  A burger patty and lettuce bed, or cheese and salami with a fatted coffee.  Keeping things to ounces, cream to a quarter cup, and only three meals.  Oh, but blood sugar was up to 166.  I had attempted to cut fast acting insulin.  That just isn't working.  But that wouldn't cause the near crash.

I actually crash like that fairly often.  There just isn't a reason to whine about it.  And I haven't actually ever passed out, that I can recall.  They have to figure this out if they want me to work.  And, no, it isn't psychiatric.  That is the lazy stupid excuse for not diagnosing and treating what may simply be a failing body.  They then just need to admit it is physical, debilitating, real, but unknown.

Not the whole story, not today.

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A few hints though.  Recent events cause me... doubts of doubts?  Yes.

Something is way off.

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I am using a different blood monitor.  I ran out of that which I purchase myself.  By the time I could afford more, I ran out before the new test strips arrived.  So I thought I would take a chance and use the few supplied by the V.A.  I am reconsidering that choice.

My blood sugar, fasting twice, then after the ketonic, have been outrageous.  The first two, a few hours apart, were 225, this last was 272 after the ketonic.  A tablespoon of cream has never kicked blood sugar like that.  A cup of the stuff doesn't do more than a dozen or maybe score of points potential as a worst case.  I am doubting the machine.  All good.  The strips that read right (according to lab drawn a1c's) will be in soon.

I am about to shower, dress, then plow the drive.  More snow yesterday.  Then... everything, or something, else.  I don't think there is any reason to continue checking with this device.  It is just plain wrong.  I wonder how many people they force onto insulin with this mal-calibrated machine?  No wonder they don't want us getting our own devices... or meds.  Actually... I am beginning to wonder... just how much of their medicine is sugar pills?  Seriously.  Later.

A new, if dark, day.

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Down shortly after 6:00, at about the last post... despite the obama timestamp.  It'll take a while to bring white truth back to America.  Depending on whether deep state does a soft coup or if democracy and Trump wins today will dictate the speed... if... not in the way the crass might suspect.  Deny even the poor choice of political "choice" and people do it for themselves.

Anyway.  Waking at a bit after noon.  I did feed the ducks, but didn't, won't, put them out today.  Too gray of a day.  Though... I may try to push past such.  It is good for me to get out, ambulate, more with the herding thing.  Plus it is good for the ducks and the coop.  Cleaner, clearer.  I need a better, smaller, outside waterer... trough.  Perhaps extra feeders, just for outside.  It might not be much, but a few ducks has proven to be impetus enough to stretch my life just a bit more.  I may try to get them out five days a week, as a goal.  That gives me a few days off.

Oh, an oddity concerning the ducks...  I found the coop open yesterday afternoon, when I woke.  Which is fine.  I suspect a goodly neighbor has... thoughts for the birds, perhaps me, and does this kindness if they have time.  That isn't the odd thing.  I found one of the hens out.  I suspect a fowl quarrel lead to a window escape... quite probably accidental.  She returned to the inner door, begging to be returned to the... not gaggle but it'll do for a temporary plural... gaggle of quacks.  I'll need to 'fence' the windows.  Should have already.

After fatted tea in a bit, and a meat and egg platter, plus several hours... up to two... I'll do a blood test.  Oh, and the Veteran's Administration has told me, through the puppet, that they won't give out blood sugar testing supplies if I am not on insulin.  To save money.  This despite that with the tester I have learned to eat right rather than cost them over a thousand a month in two shots they were trying to force me to take.  A thousand dollars a month, PLUS glucose testing - versus thirty dollars (at least if they didn't make "unfortunate" back door deals for overpriced goods with unscrupulous crony capitalists).  Money savings?  What?

Get rid of the V.A., president Trump.  For the good of vets first, then the nation as a whole.  Flush the white collar criminal union, give vets a truly open health policy, free from the worst elements of bureaucratic and crony capitalist malfeasance.  We will go were doctors understand they are employees... or unemployed.  Burn it.

Later.