Bleep!

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The *bleep*s, I should write. After a bit of looking, I would have to guess that the loaner computer I am using is having some sort of error. I did find the bios and try to look it up specifically. Technology is not kind to old hardware data. I am sure, if I chose to spend days looking, I could find exactly what I am looking for... perhaps. Not going to happen. I did find a general error code for older bioses. All I have to do, to fix the beeping, is major computer brain surgery using parts that probably aren't made any more, and the problem will be solved. See, easy.

In other words, I must ride this lemon until the first of the month, find out what is happening with my computer (I think he broke my computer fixing a cosmetic flaw that was not the problem at all). So, I will simply have to figure out how to replace my computer and dump this lemon back to it's real owner. However, I do know who NOT to take a computer to for repairs. It was on it's last legs as far as technical use but should have lasted another year or so. Now it is simply a paperweight. And the loaner is now becoming a paperweight. Argh!

I may call and see if Verizon is open on Sunday. If so, I will take my phone in. I have a few questions. The first one regards data. When I first signed up for the data plan, required for smartphones, there wasn't a up/down-load limit. It seems if you are grandfathered in, you retain unlimited data. I want to make sure that is true. If not true, the phone goes back right then and there. I simply won't fight data usage AND a weak battery compared to power usage. After that, I want them to show me how to use Google's systems as a gps driving directions device, I want to know why Verizon's pay-to-play system kicks in when I am only using Google and make sure they aren't charging me the $10/month fee for that. I want that sorted out. There are a few other questions as well. The thing is a mess, in some ways. They honestly may not know the answers, which will also require a return. I need help setting up security, or more, resources to figure that out and recommendations in doing so in order to do that myself. The instruction packet that came with the phone was lame at best, and since it just came out, users haven't created great instruction sets yet. I don't need another easily hacked device, waiting around from someone to steal something else I literately can't afford. I don't want the local college kids getting "free" apps or ringtones (don't they get enough free shit from taxpayers, fuckers!). I don't need them "borrowing" my minutes. I want the thing secure.

Grumpy, today, and possibly rightly. Life is hard enough without a bad heart and a corrupt world on my back with slick salesmen selling me more debt, some of it not even rightly mine. My machines are falling down around me, the systems that work them are hacked and riddled with problems besides, professional techs often aren't very professional or techy, and yes, I have gotten used to some of the conveniences. And I am tired to boot. Bleh. I'm going to soak those beans and some rice. I never did get to it last night. Oh, and the other problem? My days are about to tumble. I seem to need ten to twelve hours of sleep but am easily able to stay up fourteen to sixteen hour days. Doing the math, it means I am about to take a high-speed spin cycle. My days and nights are about to begin shifting at a terrible pace. I'm almost getting nauseous thinking about it already. Butterflies, to be certain, are dancing in my belly.

Some days it all seems too much. Ah, this explains it.

Hmm, a snort of scotch might just do the trick, come to think of it.

Fantasy, fiction, call it what you will.

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Oh, don't worry. I am not plainly insane. Being crippled, and having been so for some time, the mind finds ways of dreaming about being more. Being average doesn't cut it, only being a super type man will do to balance decades of failure. Having a vast imagination makes the endeavor easy. If nothing else, that I have found all men to be too frail to be heroes should be a good sign. Heroes, from my youth, included Mark Twain (Clemens), Albert Einstein, Poe, and Schwarzenegger. As I learned more, I set them aside as just fools who peaked in some specific field but were absolute failures in most other ways. They or their handlers sold them for something they weren't. False advertising became an understood thing. Caveat emptor, indeed.

My friend called today. He wanted me to come in. As I said though, I need some time to figure things out and rest. So I told him I would not be in today, nor tomorrow. Monday will be the day. Further, now that he can come and go as he chooses I will no longer go shooting on the weekend. I absolutely despise competing with every working guy who only gets weekends off and so floods the hills, mountains, shooting spots, and every nook and cranny out there. No, weekdays only. I will, however, finish taking in the last bits of his gun stuff I still hold. He has two rifles, ammunition, and perhaps a few other odds and ends here.

I am going to truly hate this month. Money is so low that I am going to have to squeeze by. I have a few trips to SLC for medical appointments, so I am going to have to be careful to make sure I have the seed gas money to get there. Food, as I said, will have to be 'slim pickin's' special. Beans and rice and bits of meat and veggie for variety. A half a dozen cans of tuna will help a great deal in that. A package of beef and a grouping of chicken thighs and legs too, though not as meals unto themselves. Now, I have money in savings I could pull off. But I am keeping that where it is in case I have some unforeseen expense. If I make it through the month I will be in normal shape next month and will then use the savings as I had intended... to begin putting up food. Oh, yes, it must seem like just a crazy game, but it isn't.

My computer, or modem, keeps putting out a series of beeps. *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*' *beep* *beep* *beep*'... etc. With a little breaks every three beeps, in fast succession. I think three sets of three. I will see if it is the computer, modem, or something else shortly. I also have some sort of constant electrical sounding *buzz*, even when the computer, monitor, television, and all are shut down and even when I turn off the power to those systems. It's coming from under the floor, ugh. The beeping just started today, but I only really heard it after the machines were all on. I have no idea what all this is. The *buzz* may require crawling into the crawl space, the *beep*'s, I don't know since I am not yet sure of the source. Ugh. No, no... Double UGH!

Well, on to other things. Mostly just resting today. The Devil's Advocate is on tv. While a bit fantastical, I do think it... exemplifies some truths, too. Shakespeare to Dante to me, a bit of fantasy, artistic license, and a bit of our understanding all mix into a bit of storytelling that is meant to entertain while... doing just a touch more, perhaps. While we live in a spiritual existence, that is wrapped in quite flawed flesh. Most only every see things of flesh, and for the most part, only partially believe in the real truth. As imaginative fallen men, we come up with things both to help with our own understanding, share some aspect of that understanding, and just... play with ideas. No, I am not saying I am great at it, just that I do it.

Anyway. Have a great day. I will rest and recoup, plan my next week, look for my shoe polish kit, and prepare clothes for my next visit to Church. It is coming. And, in some ways, I do fear it. I always have feared the Church. And I fear the people who go there, for different reasons. What is bravery but going where even angels fear to tread, or visiting their home?

Once again, good day.

Two different times.

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This video is how, perhaps, a youngling of the next might turn out. Dig through the ditches and burn through the witches, indeed. An ugly job, adding corruption of free will and the fall of men, makes for a terrible thing. But so be it. So long as faith holds true.


And how it used to be said, how it was understood. No less dark and light, just much more clearly spoken. My angelic brother, fleshly father?

No one is home!

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I tried to call a pseudo family member tonight, but her phone number no longer works. I am quite sure it should, so I looked it up. I seem to have it right. So I looked up the phone number of an acquaintance in the area. I was sent to voice messaging though the recording offered a cellphone number, so I called that. Messaging again, but this time I did leave a message. I then tried to call my lady friend. No good, her phone went right to messaging as well. Some nights you simply can't win.

Tired. Very tired. I did check my blood pressure again, 163/103 or something. If a little high at least a lot more normal. My pulse was down into the 70's but still a bit high. I don't even think the blood pressure is related to the exhaustion. This is what I have come to expect on these medicines. I am keeping up on things. Sam's food bowl needed cleaned, I cleaned Sassy's bowl yesterday. I even made a meal or two today. Just small meals, if still a little larger than before my mother's visit. Something about not quitting good large meals cold turkey I suppose.

I am thinking about putting a pot of beans to soak before I go to bed. I don't want them to soak even twelve hours, more like six to eight hours, so either I soak them in the morning and cook before sleep or soak before I go to bed and cook immediately upon waking. Hmm, I might as well soak some rice too. Usually I buy short brown rice, this time I went with long grain and it take a very long time to cook. Actually, long grain never really does get very soft, not like short brown, if memory serves. It's only a few months old, so it shouldn't have withered in that time. Being short on money this month, rice and beans will act as a great filler for bits of meat and a few veggies thrown in for sporting purposes.

Ugh! *yawn* No, double ugh. Too tired to get on anything, to broke to feel secure pushing through anyway, this month is going to be a total wash I think. Ah well.

Good night, Sue Ellen.

Now that is weird.

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Blood pressure this morning was 193/173, and my pulse was at 83. Not good. Why I can't be sure. I haven't missed more than a dose in a bit now.

Raining, again, today. I have been told the mountains have been frosted. I would like to see them but the clouds are simply too thick and low at the moment. I enjoy the first frosting. I am pretty sure this lower level rain is snow up there, so I will get to see it sooner or later.

I have been sleeping a bit more, catching up on sleep a bit. I have been keeping up on dishes too, so far. I need to begin finding a lawyer and putting in the paperwork for the home purchase refund. Those are the only two things I will dedicate planning toward until they are finished. I can only focus on a few things if, for whatever reason, they are heavy for me. These are very good things to focus on.

It's a 'blah' day and I am feeling it. Though I won't say I am tired, I have to say that I am sluggish. More sleep will not help but I can't quite push through to anything either. Maybe a phone call or three.

Later.

Call me suspicious.

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I am pretty sure my mother fed 'the girls' any time they meowed just a bit. I know I stopped feeding them because I suspected such would occur. Now even Sam is looking for food every time I pet her. Though Sam almost never used to beg, my mother's skirt socialism kicked in and she just wouldn't feed Sassy without feeding Sam too, regardless if Sam asked or not. Oh, I'll get the girls back into line shortly. But for now I hear "Meow" so often I will dream about it. It's okay. Everyone needs just such a grandmother. Christmas came early for the rugrats.

There is a definite chill tonight. I was starting to wonder why it was so cold inside though. Usually my home, with me and a couple of light bulbs, is sufficiently warm when the weather turns this slight fall chill as the day and night are. Ah, but I left the window through which I had hailed the missionaries open. Though it was only open a few inches, that window faced the chill breeze coming through. I closed the window and turned the furnace on for the first time, just to 68 F, though it will automatically go down to 64 or so for sleeping. I do enjoy automated... everything!

I am having to try and figure my life out anew. My mother called this evening. I think I am not alone in my sense of aloneness. She has it worse, Cheyenne, her dog, is still with the people she left her with. For me, I have no one to... remind me... of things to do. And while that can be a bit daunting at times, there are certain elements of it that are good. I'll figure it out.

The insurance company settling for their client called yesterday and suggested that with about $4.4k in medical, they would like to settle for $5.1k, out of which the medical must be paid. I am not sure if they are joking or if medical payouts have changed. I will be discussing this with a lawyer. While I hate the notion of ambulance chasers, I hate the greed of corporate insurers. I have it on reasonable authority (a lawyer and medical provider from early on) that the payment should be (normally) double and a half the medical. My situation might even allow for more, since it greatly complicated my move and required a great deal of travel expenses (which were not reimbursed). If they had paid me normal, they would have saved themselves a lot of trouble and expense. Now they get to pay for a lawyer, court costs, much more than an average claim, and the rest. I sometimes wonder if they do what they do merely to keep lawyers employed? Insane, but none of my affair as to why.

I really do need to get back to Church and start looking for a right wife. I like the company, mostly. And I can plainly see what a woman's touch does for the place. It's a rough row to hoe but a good woman is very much worth the effort. Like I said though, a right woman. A woman who can, will, and does tend the home. I am not sure women are capable of being right to a man's way of thinking, but that isn't all bad at all. I'd say, in the right way, it's about fifty fifty, if you don't mind me liking my own side more in any case. You like yours, I'll like mine. Oh, she is out there. Just waiting to mess up my life. :p

Good night.

I think I shook them up.

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The missionaries came by today. I had forgotten and my phone calender is not set up on my new phone, so of course the alarm didn't go off. I heard some knocking, while napping, that at first I thought was Sassy wanting into my bedroom. Hmm, no, I thought, she might tap, scratch, or thump, but she never knocks in a pattern, let alone in a serious of logical patterns. Up and at it, I made it in time to let them know I would be out.

We discussed several things. One of the things they noted was that I am resistant. I explained that I am resistant to all. I suggested that most people haven't been to hell, let alone lived in it, survived it, and even thrived there while doing their work. Most people would panic in a mere car accident or near incident. Most people haven't lived in a town where many were against them, where being in the wrong place at the wrong place, at least if unprepared, could end up in a trip to the morgue. No, I trust few because few have been tested. And from my experience, few are ready to even face an enemy, let alone gut one. I told them more, I sort of went on a rant. They have to learn, their understandings, as mine, as all save One who has walked here, are foul. I have found a resource for wisdom, but that resource is not generally found in people. None may pass. All fail. I think I shook them up. I didn't mean to, but... as noted, most people are of a delicate nature. I am not, if I have my soft spots. Sometimes I don't even realize how heavy my words are on the sheep. I am simply glad I chose not to lead the life of a wolf. I realize how easy prey even the stronger among my fellow citizens are, more every day.

I explained to them that my nature was to be a kindly academic or cleric, perhaps a monk or a priest or a professor. But the world simply did not abide that and God gave me what it took to withstand the assault from being my own man, now His man. He must have given me a bit of wisdom, to resist feasting on my brethren as well. Then the health issue came into play and that sealed me off from what I could of been, trapping me in what I had already become. Yes, indeed. It's been a decade and some since my last fight, where I was hit in the back of the head two or three times, and even when trying to be gentle in my response, hospitalized a guy for a week and a half. Even now I am weaponized. Even on death's door, one should tread lightly. I will not trust many, and none for all things.

Just... getting it off my mind. Like a dark cloud in the sky, once noticed, and once it gives a chill or ill omen, somehow speaking about it allows it to be without intruding until the blackness can pass. So... I write.

Meh. Have a great day.

Like a baby.

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The trip to SLC was pretty easy. There was tension, always is as the time to say goodbye approaches. But I was like a rock. My mom did everything she could not to pick a fight, and I did though that isn't usually my m.o., I think. In any case, I got her to the airport this morning, took a risk and left my vehicle alone to get her into the terminal. Then said goodbye and gave her a hug. I could see she was about to lose it and I know she doesn't like to do that, so I scampered out so she could cry and be done with it enough to recover and find her plane. I drove home, comfortable and secure. Not the easiest driving, the sun wasn't up and it was raining. SLC drivers are not good in good conditions, in these conditions and at that hour, many were all over the road. But I made it easily. I had planned to pick up some milk on my way through Logan, but just wasn't up to it so I just kept on going. Home.

I made it home, unpacked, put the X in the garage. The cats haven't had can food for a bit, I've been out for two days but we were busy and I was pretty tired too so I didn't get into town. I picked some up on my way through town yesterday. And I set forth to feed them right away. But they looked around me. They wanted to know where she was. Where is the nicer one? Then it hit. And, yeah, I became like a baby. It sure hits hard if I never quite know when it will hit. Ah well, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now to try and keep up what she has set up. It won't be easy but my home is so nicely arranged and freshly cleaned that I can coast more than I used to be able to coast. And when I need to clean, the arrangement makes that rather simpler. I am grateful, both for the help and for having her here when I went through the angiography. It's a scary thing, being my first surgery like thing. Oh, sure, I've had stitches, and even looked death right in the face and danced a jig with him a time or three or ten. But all that I knew going in, sort of. This, no, this was a potential manmade accident waiting to happen. One in which I had little choice other than to accept or decline. And there was no way out once I was there.

It's going to be a bit brutal trying to get back to my normal life. While I am no monk and would not wish to be, I have come to terms with being alone. Visits throw that completely out of whack. Perhaps, until I know better, I am distancing myself from the world as I die. Having someone around makes me forget. And when I am alone again I have to face that again, and try and... make it all fit into my human leather skin. It's a tough trick. No, no, and again, I wouldn't change a thing.

Have a great day.

Jean wrote...

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I found your comment in spam, again. Or something to that effect. So, if you think I should be commenting on your blog, check spam. I think either Google through policy, employee jerks, or security weakness has been making commenting a problem. When I comment, I see it online, seemingly posted, but it never gets posted. People, generally, are too busy to check their spam. There are a few places I am not sure. Perhaps my comments are unwelcome. It would be nice if they would say something though. If you don't want me to comment, and happen to read this, pleas let me know.

These are the blogs my comments are disappearing on:
The Conservative Lady, Libertarian Republican, teresamerica, Pondering, _It Don't Make Sense_, among others. But those for absolute sure. When I post at your sites, I see it post into comments, but when I go back, my comments are gone. As I said, Jean, from Pondering says my comments are ending up in her spam section. I am suspecting a number of things but cannot be certain what specifically the problem actually is.

Rain.

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It rained last night and this morning, so painting and some other chores didn't go forward. Which is good, I needed sleep. I did figure out why I was feeling better yesterday though. I had forgotten to take meds for two days. We have had a major argument this morning though. I think mom is looking for one.

She was telling me that her poor innocent granddaughter had to do laps and pushups after her team lost a game. And she wanted me to feel bad for her too, and agree with my brother and sister-in-law pulling her from the team because of this abuse. I simply said if she can't handle what all boys have to go through in every sport we take from the first teams we are on, starting at a very young age, she really shouldn't be in sports. Her being eleven years old means nothing, I had to do that at six or seven in baseball. Coaches don't need parents jumping them for the 'stick' part of 'carrot and stick' coaching tools. I also told her that what my brother and his wife did is exactly why kids are spoiled and rotten these days. When they have to deal with her all grown up and thinking she can do whatever she wants, regardless of rules, history, and such, and/or still thinking she is equal to men, they will regret this.

And I WON'T recant.

I am not sure if we will be going for a drive or just enjoying the day at home. She might get all mad-cow pissy about this, or have been looking for a fight to make leaving easier, or needing sleep herself. I would rather we take a drive today, and maybe even tomorrow. I am getting short on money, hard. This will be a tough month. But never mind, I do hope to show my mom some of the state and have a nice few days with her before she goes. Although, I should advise she not speak to me about much when I first wake up. I might be more diplomatic (though not to agreeing to foolishness) later in the day. I'll survive somehow being broke a bit just fine, mostly. I always have.

No, I haven't been living large. A bill that was being paid based on a debit card that was canceled coming due hugely, a few expenses that snuck in, tax costs coming due, on top of having a visitor and a few other things happening all at once just clobbered me. It happens. But I have enough to entertain, if I might need to hold my breath for the rest of the month. There is nothing like feeling like a financial punching bag though. Ah, but this is a one month thing, it too shall pass. Later.

A few notes.

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You probably knew I would. And... I did. I got that new phone. It is pricey, but it isn't a toy, either. With my computer liable to go down at any... actually it is down while I use a rather lame loaner, which itself might stop working at any moment, I need an alternative device. Along with the ereader, gps, and such bundled with it. I was heading toward a gps, an ereader, and some other things. This takes care of that and the notion of another notebook, and a good notebook or pad costs more than the phone alone. No, this took care of several tech itches. And it adds in an 8 Mb camera and a hd-video capture. Yes indeed. I am about to surf the web, seeing how the device can be used to it's greatest measure, along with tips, tricks, tweaks, and possibly hacks.

Oh, as a spoof(ish) comment at Jean's, in doing a little research to find the right link for the comment, I stumbled upon a blazing idiot. No, no, alcohol is not a great investment, not something into which to pour your money, nor should you crawl into the bottle. However, a little toot from time to time does no great harm, mostly. And, in my time, I have fallen into the best of bad company and learned to drink better swill, which ends up causing me to drink less of the stuff. Anyway, while doing the research and regardless of what one thinks about my vices, I came across a writer who doesn't do good research. If you like scotch, and have ever tasted a large variety, you will quickly understand why some scotch costs more and some simply doesn't. With Johnny walker, red is swill, black is black, green is gay, gold is dry, but blue is absolutely divine. I am assuming the writer of the article has never bothered to taste the difference. Beyond using a number of very fine aged scotches, the blending is done magnificently so that Blue tastes quite similar over the years. Sorry to make a short story long, but... I just don't want you to talk out of your ass, or if you do, expect me to call you out on it.

Tomorrow I will do a bit of painting, finally, and another task or two. Then, perhaps, we will be heading for the hills to the west. While technically still mountains, I suppose, and definitely by Iowa standards, they are comparative hills and are usually designated as such on the maps. A picnic, perhaps some video and picture to email to my mother, and perhaps show here. Yes, a nice day.

Now I can definitely get some pictures of my bike, perhaps a video of the cats, and just maybe a pictures or video of my home and to a degree the surrounds. No, no, not the fastest boat on the pond. But, eventually, I get there. Or, as engineers might be want to suggest, I get close enough for all practical applications.

Have a good night.

Well, I have to.

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I'm not the greatest Christian in the world. I'm a damned poor one, to be truthful. My heart is in it, but between being a cripple and a fool, stubborn and egotistical, you get what you get. Beyond that, my sins are heavy and real. Forgiven, and I did try to change my life, but still. Anyway, I saw a video today. Now, it was just preaching to me as the choir. But I would like to try and get others to see it.



Actually, I liked mohawk-boy better than the rest. He wears his life and was much more honest through it. Oh, and I doubt if most of those will keep to their word. As soon as something becomes hard, they will drop it. Then again, been there myself. Sometimes it takes time, and even seasons of growth, for that mustard seed to develop. I'll hush and pray for them. No, really. While I am in the Church, I am often not in the pew. I guess everything takes time, if I do have religious concerns making getting in that pew hard, sitting beside pro-abortionists is no easier than sitting beside SS officers from the camps. And I have physical issues too. Never mind. Just... thought I would try and pass this around. Genocide indeed, as I've said for decades now.

Up early and hit the floor running.

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Breakfast has been had, a cup of coffee too. I finally put the shower handle up, and mostly got it right. Never mind the details, let's just say I am happy I bought that bolt cutter. She is out and about, driving my vehicle solo. Unwise, she should have had me show her how to adjust things. She can drive a tank, if you adjust the seat for her. But she can't adjust seats (or do most things mechanical). Gakh! I did have the trash out, kitty litter cleaned out, dishes done, and coffee made for when she woke this morning. I think she was pleased. Well, that and I woke just a little after 7:00. Whatever, I suppose the last few days of rest has allowed me to be more active.

Good thing, too. I hope to give her a vacation these last few days. I'd like to drive her around to a few places, cook and clean, and just let her recharge for her trip home. My guess is she has a ton of work to do pretty much as soon as she steps off the plane. And having been taken for granted, being away has reasserted her place in the pecking order anew. Everyone ignores those who serve until they are gone.

Well, best be going. Have a great day.

I've been trying.

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Making heads or tails of the nomination process isn't doing well. Health is not super, medicines are heavy and about to get heavier, and with a guest, even one of family, routine is disrupted. Actually, most of the world seems to be a blur. Trying to dig in, getting upset, finding hope, and all that, but it is mostly an act. Dissociation is a weird thing.

Cain has no more chance than Sam does, for the presidency. Romney is who the political world of the so-called "right" want. They are pouring on the pressure, opening the treasury, and colluding behind closed doors. Whispers speculate that the Florida straw poll was a Romney bought strategy. Perry is a lousy debater, but that is not what is needed. His real problem is a couple of key issues. He has to at least pretend, and either he is catering to the GOP "leadership", or has sold himself in areas he can't afford to renege even if it means losing the nomination. Most of the others are, by now, done. It should be interesting to see how many sell their support to Romney. Bachmann will (or has). What does become clear is politicians are not catering to the public voter, mostly at all. Is it mostly big business, bureaucrats, foreign interests? It certainly isn't the majority of voters.

Lots of interesting proposals by the House can be seen. Most of it, at this time, is theater. They have no chance of passing anything. I doubt if they will be able to stop the ban on light bulbs. They can scream, holler, shake, and shout, but it means little. There are some new faces, who went there with new ideas. I wonder though how many have sold out heavy and deep, and did so immediately. Then again, those who didn't sell out... how many of them were bought from day one, but by some other group? You do realize a judge has recently ruled that it is legal for politicians to use information regarding legislation before them to profit, right?

Still, barring a nuclear blast in Nice, Berlin, Madrid, or NYC, it is difficult to get too interested. Even then the event would simply be noted, fallout plots observed, and dealing with the notion when things become more functional would be the trick. There are grave doubts that America is salvageable. The dumbing down, queerification, gender neutralization, destruction of the family, ongoing genocide through bureaucracy and regulation on local, state, federal, and international levels doesn't seem a thing that can be ended without an end to that which has created such things, global civilization. Not a problem of which any one of familiarity has any real means of doing even a single thing about, mind you, aside from prayer. Just, like with some theoretical blast, a note for later.

Hmm, trash needs to go out, and cat litter needs to be changed first. Dishes are soaking and those will be done. Then off to sleep in hopes of rising easily and well for a bit of business, a hair cut or two, and then perhaps a trip with a dear lady into the wild unknown. Perhaps a picnic as well. Time is growing short, it best be used wisely. Just a little more life, a little push, to see her off well, if I can.

Good night.

I don't believe that ignorance is bliss.

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Perhaps remaining ignorant that a plane you are going down, or the vehicle you are in just went over a cliff, for as long as possible, is how some people would prefer to live their lives. To be honest, there is little or nothing I can do to alter any dark reality, that is true, at least in the bigger sense of things. What I can do, or have the potential to do, is to alter the outcome for me to some degree. If the stores have no food, shipping stops, my ability to go for food dissipates, but I have a year of food stored because I saw it coming, then I have changed my lot. Even if I realized there is nothing I could do, say an iron type meteorite the size of Texas wide and thick, heading right toward... well, anywhere on earth... I would still want to know.

Today was rough. I couldn't get to sleep until very late. I woke, considering, quite early. I have been very tired all day. My mother has been as well. I made us a late lunch, slowed by that dratted brown rice taking a good bit over an hour to cook. I can't be sure it was quite done even then. Perhaps I have forgotten what rice tastes like. I have pretty much only eaten short or long whole grain rice for many years now, but haven't had a bite of it for six months or more due to illness. The rest of the meal was just leftovers (at her insistence). Oh, I know. I will make supper too, later, when my mom is hungry. And I told her I will do the dishes as well. My mother doubts, but if she is a bit patient, I do many things. Her deal is she wants it now and her way. I have learned not to try that with myself. It doesn't work. Windows, remember? That's as good as it gets.

No trip today. As I said, my mother is quite tired. I have a hair cut tomorrow, and she will be going in as well. She wants to get one as well, for her trip home, if she can. Before the appointment, I want to get in and look over a new phone. I am looking at the Android Bionic. I am so torn on it. I do notice that many cases for it offer a screen protector, built right in. Now, my X has hands free wifi built into the stereo system, and yet I would still like this to go with it. These smartphones are now so delicate and always were sort of slick, difficult to hold. I am hoping to keep the thing, for the most part, in it's case on my belt. Then again, my first smart phone cost a lot more. Actually, my first cellphone cost a small fortune (the very first flip-phone, a brick of a Motorola nearly 20 years ago).

Now, my problem is texts, which I don't want but have no choice if someone sends one (and have to pay), keeping track of how much 4G access I have left/have used (and difficulty using wifi, even when it is available it seems), and the whole lot of complications, bugs, and such. I will either go with this phone or simply dump smartphones altogether and just get a do-nothing camera-less phone, like what my mother got (and wanted). Yeah, I am not quite sure. I like many of the features of a smartphone, I just don't like having little control of potentially crazy costs, hacking, and the rest. Oh, don't think your Iphone/pad, Android, or BlackBerry is safe. Heck, the people who sold it too you are just as likely to be creeping around in your private life as some hacker unhappy ex-employee or Chinamanchurian.

Just thinking out loud. Later or good night.