I think I shook them up.

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The missionaries came by today. I had forgotten and my phone calender is not set up on my new phone, so of course the alarm didn't go off. I heard some knocking, while napping, that at first I thought was Sassy wanting into my bedroom. Hmm, no, I thought, she might tap, scratch, or thump, but she never knocks in a pattern, let alone in a serious of logical patterns. Up and at it, I made it in time to let them know I would be out.

We discussed several things. One of the things they noted was that I am resistant. I explained that I am resistant to all. I suggested that most people haven't been to hell, let alone lived in it, survived it, and even thrived there while doing their work. Most people would panic in a mere car accident or near incident. Most people haven't lived in a town where many were against them, where being in the wrong place at the wrong place, at least if unprepared, could end up in a trip to the morgue. No, I trust few because few have been tested. And from my experience, few are ready to even face an enemy, let alone gut one. I told them more, I sort of went on a rant. They have to learn, their understandings, as mine, as all save One who has walked here, are foul. I have found a resource for wisdom, but that resource is not generally found in people. None may pass. All fail. I think I shook them up. I didn't mean to, but... as noted, most people are of a delicate nature. I am not, if I have my soft spots. Sometimes I don't even realize how heavy my words are on the sheep. I am simply glad I chose not to lead the life of a wolf. I realize how easy prey even the stronger among my fellow citizens are, more every day.

I explained to them that my nature was to be a kindly academic or cleric, perhaps a monk or a priest or a professor. But the world simply did not abide that and God gave me what it took to withstand the assault from being my own man, now His man. He must have given me a bit of wisdom, to resist feasting on my brethren as well. Then the health issue came into play and that sealed me off from what I could of been, trapping me in what I had already become. Yes, indeed. It's been a decade and some since my last fight, where I was hit in the back of the head two or three times, and even when trying to be gentle in my response, hospitalized a guy for a week and a half. Even now I am weaponized. Even on death's door, one should tread lightly. I will not trust many, and none for all things.

Just... getting it off my mind. Like a dark cloud in the sky, once noticed, and once it gives a chill or ill omen, somehow speaking about it allows it to be without intruding until the blackness can pass. So... I write.

Meh. Have a great day.