Well?

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Some things done.  Dishes, once over.  And, the big pot, done so that eggs could be cooked.  Those were peeled and put up, plus I had four.  I almost feel guilting boiling these quality of eggs.  Almost.  They taste so much better than any storebought eggs I have found.  It doesn't matter if they are "organic", "pasture raised", or... any o the token terms.  Among other things, these eggs aren't fed soy.  Yes, it... makes a huge difference.

So, four eggs for dinner.  I could have gone without, but... I... just wanted something more.  The pot is cleaned, ready for bacon.  But I am too ready for bed.

Don't have to.

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Don't want to.  Could.  Won't.  Eat, that is.  I have pork chops, burger, and probably the chicken thawed.  A few chops would make for a fairly good quick, small meal.  A hamburger patty or two would be nice, three would be too much.  The chicken?  I don't think so.  Not yet.  I'm putting that in the fridge, to let it finish thawing.  That will be for... no... Thanksgiving is too far off.  Still, not for today.  Tomorrow?  Maybe.  Well, parts of it.

Evening medicine went down.  I thought about taking the whole losartan pill, but no.  Half is enough.  While bp is running right at the edge of where I want it?  It's still, often, slightly under.  I don't want it under.  I'd rather have it just slightly over, if I have to go in one direction or the other.

Looking for a game.

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Well, there are Japanese games.  And games for girls.  Many of the games which should be for boys and men have female leads.  Just... not interesting.  It was cute, once.  Now it's... dull.  Either the game is just button mashing, or with girl leads, or Japanese.  Until they sort things out, I'm not just interested.

There might be a platforming game, that comes with ps5.  I've heard it is good.  But, game reviewers, at this point, are the worst of salesmen.  Odd that most of them are still male, if mostly of soy boi type.  I haven't seen an honest negative review in a while.  Or a negative review for the right reasons.  I more suspect the reviewer wasn't paid off in some way than that the game is bad (for the reasons mentioned).

Not quite getting to work yet.

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But food, down.  The last half of the steak was warmed and eaten.  I just nuked it.  Had to look up the instructions.  But ended up being well worth the little bit of effort.  The steak was reheated, without being overdone, in... a very short time.  The edges weren't... odd.  The fat wasn't rendered in a bad way.  It was heated throughout.  And it only took... fifteen seconds?  Covered in paper towels so there was no splatter.  Okay.

As well?  I can stand, for a short while anyway, without feeling like I am going to fall.  Like my legs are going to give out, from weakness.  For the whole of this last weak, even getting to the bathroom has been a stumble, followed by a stumble, never having legs I could count on.

Yeah?

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I heard the alarm.  At three.  No dice.  Not rolling out until 7:07.  Way late, but I was up for several hours again.  So be it.  Until that gets sorted out, it will just kind go that way.  I'm not upset about it.  And, seven isn't that late.  Later than I would like, but... not terrible.

Medicine, right after taking blood sugar.  Which was 114 fasting.  Maybe not the 101 of late last night, but I am still quite pleased.

Another late... early... waking.

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Why?  I didn't bother with bp.  I... just know that is just fine.  However, I was curious about blood sugar.  I was... sure that must have gone up.  It always does that.  Teases me with a lower number, once, twice?  Then, for no reason just explodes higher.  Or... no reason I could fathom.

I did have to go to the bathroom, there was that.  But I didn't want to use the pee jug?  I think I could have made it through the night without going, but since I was up, as with yesterday night, I just went.  It isn't what woke me up, just something I became aware of once I was awake and down here.  I think I could improve that by not drinking three hours before bedtime.  Will improve.  Though, as mentioned, it isn't what woke me, nor the reason I then fully got out of bed.  Even so, I'd like to reduce even that.  Then again?  Any time I get out of bed, after having slept even for some hours, going to the bathroom may just... happen?  I'm not used to "normalcy", just sorting out what that might mean for me.

A minor ache in the right side of my neck.  Every had the back of your neck hurt, which causes a headache?  Imagine that is on the right side of your throat, transferred there for some odd reason.  It doesn't go up, to cause a headache, but it's like that sort of ache.  And, for most of this week, that ache has been on the whole of the neck... back and both sides.  A few painkillers... because.  Yes, I have been just about eating those this last week.  And, it has been a temporary allowance.  As well, it is becoming less needed through time.  Taking fewer of them, less frequently.  But, when something really hurts?  I'll take the damn pills.  Amen.

Oh, blood sugar.  I dreaded taking it.  Warm?  A bit.  I think that is what woke me yesterday night, and tonight.  Hot.  A mild fever.  Less tonight than yesterday night, but... the same.  So, I was expecting it to be a blood sugar spike.  Maybe it finally got to the steak, and turned it into carbs?

I've done what I can do.

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I got a shower taken.  Had hoped to get dishes in, done, up.  And... other things.  Not going to happen.  I did get on the scale, 262.  Not great, pretty much down to around where I had gotten it at my more recent best?  Now, the last time I weighed myself, I weighed 272.  So...  Though whether the ten pounds is recent or casual over time?  I suspect it is recent.  mostly because I don't have swollen feet, ankles, calves, torso, fingers.  So... water weight?  Likely.

Ah, but... I haven't had a b.m. in three days.  Four?  That will make a difference.  I can deuce a three to five pounder, when it's been a while.  We'll see.  But... I can only go when... I can go.  Nausea and little eating, plus this and that, sort of have me at zero.  I'll... get to it, when I... get to it.

A really good run.

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BP is 144/86 with a pulse of 63.  Which is fine, mostly.  Yes, that is after medication, and food, both consumed over two hours ago.  What I really liked?  Blood sugar.  That is 106?  Pretty good.  I haven't ever gotten to that low on anything, or off everything.  The lowest I ever saw it, with insulin, was 123... unless it crashed.  But I mean in the healthy range.

I wonder if blood sugar can crash off medication?  I guess I will find out.  All I am sure of, is if it goes below 80 I will have to sort that out.  Perhaps eating some carbs, of some sort.  Leafy greens, even corn if need be.  I'll just have to wait and see.  Still... rather amazed.  It has been dropping, give or take, about twenty points a day since I started testing, as I went full carnivore, about a week ago.  It was in the 230~240 range?  Or so.  All sort of rough, with some ups and some stronger downs, obviously.

A bit more raw than anticipated.

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Still, was hungry.  And, it was mostly tasty.  I could only eat half of it.  The rest will be wrapped, to be heated and eaten later.  But, yes, that was... rather... rare.  I am very curious what blood sugar will be when I test.  I'm waiting for two hours.  Then will check.  As well, taking evening medicine now, I'll check bp again then as well.

Sure hoping food will help.  Definitely on the weaker side of life.  Stumbling around as if a newborn colt.  I haven't fallen down yet, but almost as much from luck as caution.  Every time I get up to do something, I internally sigh with relief when I finally am able to be seated again.  I am fighting gravity with little energy and less stability.

The next steps.

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Chops and burger out, thawing.  Oh, I'll get a chicken out too.  Yes, that works well.  Whole chicken, as parts are rancid far too often.  Whole chickens seem to be good almost every time?  I can't remember one not being good.  If... buying good is a requirement.

A steak is out, as the griddle warms.  Can't put the steak on until both the griddle is warm enough, and the packaging will come off.  It'll get there.  Hungry.  I... am more than ready to eat.  I'll wait for two hours after the meal to check blood sugar.

A second start.

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Just... getting the new microwave set up.  Which, of course, required getting the old one moved, the new one unpacked, the plug figured out (sure put a very short plug in cord on the new one!), and... other things.  Why start with the microwave?  It was in the way, on the freezer top.  There was no way for me to get to the freezertop without managing the microwave.  I could have just moved it, but thought just taking care of it would be easier.

Right?  Wrong?  It's... done.  But it busted my butt.  It didn't hurt anything, per se.  But, it took every ounce of energy I had accumulated and then some.  But, I didn't just stop with moving everything to make room, unboxing, sorting out how to get it in a place which worked.  But I also even bothered to set the time.  Thankfully, this one allows for a 24 hour clock setting.  That... is just how I do, and much prefer.  In case I am in the kitchen, when it's dark, but not sure if it is 6:00 am or pm.  18:00 just... works so much better.

Though, even on the level of keto, then carnivore, I was on?  I was beginning to get days and nights mostly sorted.  And to be aware of which was which, mostly, even when my sleep cycles were contrary to day and night rhythms.  Still, I... just like 24 hour clocks, when available, these days.

Can't believe how difficult it is to just walk?

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Right, but... true.  It isn't that I don't have energy.  It is that what energy I have is stowed as fat.  And my body just isn't able to pull it out and use it fast enough.  So, it's as if I have fasted for days.  Legs are noodles, give or take.  The temptation to order a pizza, or go for fast food, is severe.

It isn't a craving.  Those are long gone.  What remains, however, is the knowledge that the bun from a burger or meat(tm) sandwich, fried potatoes of some sort, and a soda or two, would give my body the energy it wants.  And, it would.  For a very short time.

Pulse is still slightly low.

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An hour and a lot of change after medicine, I decided to check bp.  At 141/85 with a pulse of 65, I am happy with the numbers.  Though pulse... not sure.  I would like that a bit higher.  Perhaps cutting losartan by half?  Not sure.  Or it may a be a persistent problem.  I just... I'm not sure.  Remember, my goal is 140/90... with a pulse around 80?  I think so, on the pulse.  Sure about the rest.  So... this is... perfect.  One point, on that particular number, is irrelevant.

Water is heating, for coffee.  I am drinking a lot less.  And, will probably cut down even more.  From half a quart once or twice a day, using two dosers per pull,  I may go down to a literal cup or two a day, using just one doser.  Into the french press, then some water.  Still strong, but... not so much.

Yes, right, okay.

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I made it back down to bed at about two?  Give or take.  Then slept pretty well until six, six thirty when waking, dressing, and all was completed.  A few breaks in the sleep.  Heat?  I am thinking that was the problem.  Not terrible, just... a bit too much.  A minor fever.  Either remnants from keto flu, which will probably continue to come and go for... a week... three?

Either that, or when the body puts up fat?  If it has toxins it can't handle at the time, it will stow it in with the fat.  I do wonder.  More because I didn't eat yesterday, and only ate a small amount the day, even week, before.  While my body is still seeking carbs, or carb look-alikes, it hasn't found them.  Just fat.  Not taking all of that in, might even have started using my own fat reserves?  Maybe.  But it still doesn't like them.  Especially if there are toxins in them.

Awake, but why?

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I can't be certain why I woke up.  Really, about an hour ago.  I tried to get on back to sleep.  It just wasn't going to happen.  So... up at 23:30.  I did really try to stay down.

Could stats be whack, off, up, or down?  Blood sugar is... 121?  Okay.  It's low compared to the last few days, but in line with earlier today.  And it's... pretty good.  It's excellent, actually.  It might not be 100, or less, but it isn't 200 or more, let alone 650 or more.  BP?  At 121/79 with a pulse of 71?  No, that's... good.  Good enough that I can come off more medicine if it stays in this range for the next few days.

Just a quick update.

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The supplement I had worried about?  Seems to be okay.  Or, didn't disturb things too much.  Beside it, I also have been consuming a fatted coffee.  As much of that as I could consume.  No salt.  I think... I'll skip salt in coffee, I just can't do it.  If I need a bit more salt I will add that in with the electrolytes and water.  Yeah, that... was pretty bad.

Testing several hours after consumption, blood sugar is 125.  While that is slightly elevated, since I haven't eaten much else through the day, I would guess my body will use... extra, leftovers, of fat or protein here or there, to produce some carbs.  It's still trying to do the carb thing.  Which is why the tunnel vision?  I am guessing.  Even so, 125 is... good enough.  I can deal with that.

A nap.

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Just a short one, an hour and an half?  Or so.  Then up and was about to check things, bp and such, when the power went out.  Well... none of my testing equipment requires house power, so...  But first, I called the power company.

They suggested it was a broken line.  And that power would be back by 21:00.  21:00!?!  I was not pleased.  It was just at 14:30!  No one to talk to, just a prerecorded message sort of thing.  Bleh.  Then, half an hour later, I got a call asking if I... knew where the problem was?  Not promising.  Oh well.

Salted coffee?

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I've heard of the stuff.  Certain African countries... their high society?  Yep.  I never thought I'd consider it.  Then again, it is just for a short run thing, in an attempt to manage what all else is going wrong with the new diet, and on medication.  Coffee and cream, as usual.  But, sea salt too.  All I have is dehydrated ocean water salt, but Redman's is on the way, I ordered that this morning... the best price I could get by volume.

As to taste?  Different.  I am using, essentially, french pressed espresso.  And, a triple shot of the stuff.  So it's not weak coffee.  Have been using double, went triple what with the salt?  It's... okay.  Wouldn't be my first choice in liquid consumables, but with my hunger, even thirst, for salt, it isn't as bad as it might sound.  My body recognizes it's needs.

After med stats.

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BP is 119/80 with a pulse of 72.  Better.  Still feeling like I'm being sucked down a whirlpool, or being compressed in a wind tunnel, or... some such.  Better.  But... still not comfortable.  I halved the main medication, again.  And, took only half of one of the medicines I could split, since I was taking two of those.  As well, continue to have stopped the amlodipine.  Oh, and only took one waterpill this morning, instead of two.

Walking a bit easier, but not fully adjusted yet.  I've had a water, this morning, but plan to add electrolytes, and regular salt, to my next bottle of water.  A teaspoon of salt, along with standard electrolytes.  Hoping that will help with feet and vision.  Not... long term.  Though I will add more salt to my diet.  It's just that, currently, I can't eat enough to make adding salt mean much.

Raw morning stats.

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BP is 144/80 pulse of 54.  Blood sugar is 145.  All good, save the pulse.  That must be why the dilated eyes and tunnel vision.  That is... rather low.  So, yes, another cut in medication.  Getting close though.  As to bp, that is right where I want it to be... if raw.  After medicine?  I'll see where it goes in an hour.  I may have to cut even more medicine?  We'll see.  That is what I want it after medication, not before.  But, it's... getting there.

While I am cutting medicine, I am increasing minerals.  Why?  If I was just on carnivore, I would need to increase minerals enough to cover for what my body is initially eliminating naturally through excess peeing just from the diet.  But, too, I am still taking waterpills.... well, a waterpill starting today.  So, I need more.  They suggest between 25 and 50 mg of zinc, for example.  I have been taking 50 mg.  Now, as of today, I'm taking 75 mg.  This is more short term.  After another week, or two, if things settle, I will back down to 50 mg a day.  As to the other minerals, they are roughly similar daily recommended amounts, so it is similar for magnesium, calcium, and vitamin d3.  A glob of stuff, that... works well enough together... for a vampire type.  I see very little sunlight.

Up!

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Dealing with tunnel vision, but not feeling like I'll pass out.  So... it's better?  Mostly.  Actually?  Much better.  I don't hurt... uhrm.... anywhere!  That's... a first, for... a goodly while.  Why my eyes are so funky?  The change in blood pressure, blood sugar, these can affect sight in extreme ways.  Are affecting sight?  I... can only speculate.  If I do so strongly.

I went down right at 18:00.  Was up later... in part to test things later.  Then after hitting 17:00, insomnia was setting in.  Thankfully I realized the issue and went on to bed before much longer.  I didn't wake through the night, not even to pee?  That's... a first.  Though, as carnivore, once it was truly accepted and begun, became de facto, like it or not, I have been peeing less (at night, more during the day by a lot).  Which... has me already thinking of attempting to cut the waterpills I am taking.  Two currently.  Perhaps one will do?  And, maybe, in time, half or none?

It's... the little things, that become big things.  Little symptoms, or problems, or issues, which improve, over time.  Well, and some odd issues, which were letting me know.  Tunnel vision probably means bp is low.  Though weak/spaghettis legs do as well.  I almost fell down the steps today.  Thankfully my arms are strong.  My legs just... weren't there.  Ugh.  I was near the top, too.  And, it feels like I am walking with greasy shoes, or something.  No grease, I promise.  Just... lack of sensation.  A problem I have never had until blood pressure dropped through the floor.  So, yes, I get it.  Actually, I wonder if that isn't what my mother was suffering?  Can't be sure, but she kept falling, losing her legs, having a weakness, and such.

Anyway...  I am up.  I'll give it that first hour for the body to settle.  Without anything, not even water.  Then test blood sugar and blood pressure.  Though, this morning, I have decided to cut carvedilol in half, again.  Because of how low bp was yesterday afternoon.  If it gets too high, then, I will add back amlodipine, or half of it.  But that, only after a few days to let it settle.  Ugh.  But... I am trying, working on things.

It is raining out there.  Can't be freezing then?  Nope, 43 out there.  As well as I could see.  With my eyes... sight... in tunnel vision, I can just... get a rough sight on things.  Small details are hard on the eyes, currently.  But, vision is slowly returning to... some sort of function.  Oh, and beside tunnel vision pretty much all of the time, my eyes are dilated as if they just added those drops.  Even as dark as I keep my house, it is as if I was out in the most blinding of days.  Without shade or cap or sunglasses, or on a snowy sunny day more like.  It has been like this for... a week, or nearing it.

Which means, for the most part, I am typing blind.  If I look, sideways, squinting hard, and using other methods as needed, I can... read some of what I am writing.  But certainly not all of it.  If my editing has been subpar, now you know why.  I... am writing blind.  Pretty much literally.  And have been for a week.  Could you tell?  *grins*

Well... on with the day.  Enjoying the sound of the rain.  Seeing just a bit better today.  Feeling a ton better.  Best put in my dairy order.  Oh, but only later after I am sure they are awake.  That gent runs... quite a life.  For good or ill, he works all day, most weekends, and else.  Good day.

A final check.

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BP of 108/70 with a pulse of 69.  Blood sugar at 133.  Okay.  Blood sugar is really good.  BP is too low.  That is half an hour after medication.  Ugh.  I have been stumbling through the latter half of the day, even before medication.  I... may cut some more?  There is one medication I am taking two of a day.  I'll cut that to half?  Or should I cut the main pill in half again?  To be honest, I am thinking of cutting the stronger one in half.

Why?  This bp level is absolutely brutal.  It hurts in ways I can't describe well.  Leaving no energy in my muscles, causing even bones to hurt somehow.  The painpills arrived, as with everything supposed to arrive.  It doesn't always go as planned, but this time it was  clean sweep, five packages.  I took a fistful, but it's not doing all that much good.

The second checks...

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Blood pressure is 136/84, with a pulse of 60?  Strange.  I don't mind the bp, that is within my mark.  Strange that it would go up after medicine?  But, okay.  No, haven't had coffee yet, so that isn't it.  Just water.  I decided to check blood sugar, to see if the flavored carbonated water is affecting blood sugar.  It is 164, exactly what it was at fasting check.  So... that is good, if just one data point.

It looks like what I am doing is helping.  Cutting medicine, so far, looks to be improving my condition.  Will the bp continue to rise?  Will the symptoms diminish further?  Time will tell.  It will take days, or a week, to find out.  As suggested, I will only cut medicine further if blood pressure drops.  And, if if blood pressure rises over the target of 140/90, then I'll add some back in.

On to the next steps in the day.

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BP of 122/84 pulse of 74.  Blood sugar at 164 fasting.  But, the bp is not official.  It is raw.  Before water, medicine, coffee, anything.  I took medicine right after taking the readings.  And, I'll finish up the electrolyte vinegar tonic, then in another hour, check bp again.  That will be the official number.  Just want to see what it is before medicine.

To be honest, at that number, I am a bit worried.  It could drop very quickly, and by a lot.  These medicines are extremely potent.  Still, for now, reductions in medicine have to be tempered.  And, in truth, I may be being a bit hasty in the reduction.  Down half the most serious of medications, and the dropping of one of the minor medications whole.

To bed and up again.

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When back down?  I think close to one.  Not quite?  A bit after?  I think more like half to, quarter to two?  Guessing, to a degree.  I heard the alarm at three, and hit snooze until that timed out.  Or until I stopped being able to respond to it, at 3:30?  I don't remember a buzz after that.  Neared waking at five, and six, but wasn't able to do much about the impulse until here at a quarter after seven?  Or so?  It's 7:27 as I sit.  Dressed, Sassy fed?  No, she wasn't interested.

I did a few things, I just can't remember what.

Several things.

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The aches, the nausea, the inability to sleep?  Well... I tried several things at once.

First, water with electrolyte powder.  With it, I took the minerals I had stopped taking (magnesium, zinc, calcium, d3 mixed).  And, finally, I took the last two painkillers left to me, the stronger ones.  Over the counter, but... somewhat dubious due to the mix?  If... you trust medicine, at all, these days?

Up way early.

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Blood pressure is 111/71, pulse 88.  But I just woke up.  And way early.  It was just at 22:00, having gone to bed at 16:00.  I crashed hard, slept well, until I didn't, couldn't.  Truth is, I started waking at 20:00.  I tried to sleep, and did, for that little bit of extra two hours.  

My neck hurts.  Pulse is probably only that high because waking was hard.  Getting dressed, feeding Sassy, checking the temperature outdoors... which is 32 F.  But muscles are still weak, hurt, as if overused, abused.  I promise, they haven't been.

Better over better.

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Whatever I did, am doing, it is working.  It started with drinking fluid, and electrolytes.  Then coffee, with cream.  Fighting through to not passing out, as well as checking stats.  Realizing the possible problems and attempting to research those problems.

Since then, I have been simply trying to cool or warm as needed.  Keep fluid intake up.  Then, another coffee with my meal.  I was able to get up and get the griddle heated.  I had thin cut chops, which I salted in hopes that would help.  Salted a little extra.  And, yes, that tasted absolutely delicious, so I probably needed extra salt.

Feeling a bit better yet.

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Not perfect.  Perfection is a whole other can of worms, of course.  Better.  Not good, but enough better that I'm not worried.  I really thought I might end up going down, even dying.  It sure felt like it.  Now...  not so much.  But, I am still suffering.  But it feels more like I am suffering in recovery, rather than suffering a collapse, trying to live, fighting to stay conscious.

I will take afternoon medicine, shortly.  But, as mentioned, I will decrease the dose.  The strongest medicine I take is... dangerous.  Too much can lead to... dark moments.  And, with being on a true carnivore diet, with pretty much zero carbs?  Yeah.  The combination is extremely potent.  I should have been checking bp, but... between the cold, the change in diet, and some other things, I... just... wasn't doing what I should have been doing.

Just a bit better.

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Blood pressure is slightly up at 112/72, if pulse is down a bit to 59.  Blood sugar continues to spike, up to 201.  All I have had is a vinegar tonic (two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar, a dose of electrolyte powder (no sugars, or other sweeteners), and twenty ounces of carbonated water.  From 157 fasting, to 192, to this?  Very strange.

I have stopped with the cold sweats.  Though, now, I am just getting cold.  I'll put the jacket, neck gator, and cap back on.  I had to take those off.

Ah-ha!

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I may have found the problem.  Low blood pressure?  It was 93/65.  Technically that is in the "good range".  From 120/80 to 90/60 is said to be "healthy".  The problem, for me, is that my system is used to bp being in 215/180 (natural... or unassisted) to 150/110 (on all but the most severe medications).  Now, on extreme medication, my blood pressure had dropped to 120/80... mostly.

However, having gone pure carnivore?  It seems to have... altered something.  And my body is simply not ready for such a low bp.  Pulse was 63.  That is said to be healthy between 60 and 100, down to 40 for solid athletes.  I'm... not an athlete.  As well, my pulse has been running as high as 140, though closer to 110-120, if even more recently hitting closer to 80.  So my body simply isn't ready for 60.

Up, right at three.

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I woke just before, at about 2:56.  In time to turn the alarm off, before it sounded.  Then, got out and started dressing right at three.  Pretty quick, this morning.  Just some fuss about what to wear.  Some of my pants aren't all that warm, so I have started wearing leggings with them.  Depends on what I want to wear that day.

Leggings, socks over those, shoes these days, pants, a long sleeve tshirt, a fleece jacket, a neck gator, and a cap.  If I am still feeling cool, I'll throw a heavy hooded jacket over all that.  Usually I don't need it, even when the front room is cooler.  At 65, starting this morning, it's almost warm with what I am wearing.

I made it until mid-afternoon.

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Broken.  Brutal day.  Difficult to keep at it.  But... done.  No more work.  I did keep Sassy fed.  Changed her water out this morning, for fresh.  And, I'll hit her litter boxes before going on to bed.  But, that's it.  And it was pushing it.  Well, medicine was taken.

I did one final check of blood sugar.  It was down to 132?  Whatever.  A stupid strange thing.  That after a second coffee, so... it's not the coffee, or cream, that is pushing blood sugar up?  I don't know.  Like I said, I'm trying a few things.  Will see, in time.

Well, to the afternoon.

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It's been a very rough day.  Nausea, from heavy to light.  Aches and pains, mostly just bodily.  Some of it as if I strained my physical capacity, some of it just muscle aches for no good reason.  Hunger, though, too.  In spite of eating a solid meal, with coffee earlier.  I'm about to have another cup of joe.  Going smaller with my doses, so two coffees is as one used to be.

Not sure if it will disturb the nausea.  Which has slightly settled, if still there.  I just have to figure tings out as I go.  If coffee is too much of a problem, I may have to give it up, too.  Sacrifices?  For life?  Either life is valuable to you, or it isn't.  For me, it is valuable.  When I can sort things out, I... do my best.

A very difficult day.

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Why tunnel vision?  I can't say.  Out of breath, and energy, quickly as well.

I did push through, to make a meal.  Very thinly sliced onions, smothering the burgers.  Then with cheese over the top.  I forgot to reset the timer, so they cooked probably an extra three to six minutes.  Nothing burned.  The cheese melted wonderfully, and the onions softened nicely.  The burger might have been very slightly overdone.  But... it was good.

A very few things.

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Trash is out, to the curb.  I only saw trash bins out, the few that were out, on my way to the post office.  Still, I wanted to check closer to pickup time.  Around 6:30 I poked my head out.  Nope, all seemed to be just the trash bins.  So... that is that.  But, it is out.  Ready.  All good.  

And I received my utility bill.  I knew I was behind.  So paid a good chunk, if not all of it.  But, wasn't exactly sure how much I was yet behind.  I was thinking... $100 to $200, more like in the middle?  Nope, just behind $69 currently.  Good, I can catch up next month.  Always good to be less behind than thought.  Well, and that includes this month, so... much better.

Up nicely this morning.

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Dressed, then dressed again.  Awake at 2:30 this morning, instead of after five.  I beat the alarm.  Why dressed twice?  Well, sometimes I dress for the house.  Just around the house, and maybe yard, as I cook outside.  But not for leaving.  However, I had to get to the post office.  Packages were in.  In a box?  I didn't think so, but maybe.

So, I had to change what I was wearing, just in case I bumped into someone.  That didn't happen, but I was ready if it did.  The oil filters, for the bike, where in.  As were the key blanks.  Good, good.  Now to get those cut.  But, good to check the post, from time to time, anyway.  All junk, almost, all the time.  But it's clear now.

Difficulties.

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Nausea, exhaustion, pains here there and everywhere.  Okay.

Causes?  What should be asked, if going to a doctor with new problems?  What... have you been eating?  Any changes?  Back when doctors actually looked for solutions, that was the first question.  Today they just skip to exploring the symptoms and looking for medication(s) to treat that.  Your health... isn't important, and doesn't pay well enough to consider.

Difficult day.

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Just so exhausted, tired in ways that don't make sense.  Even so, still hoping to push through to some things.  Last time I checked, several hours ago, it was still at 22 F out there.  This front room is just to 68 nearing eleven.  But I am dressed rather warmly.

I did check blood sugar just a bit ago.  I had some hope it would have dropped.  Nope, though the rise was just three points, to 156.  But why the rise?  I did have a steak, and fatted if unsweetened coffee, through the morning.  Still, it really shouldn't have risen.  Frustrating.  Then again, it is staying below two hundred, and trending much better.

Awake way late!

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I had the alarm set for 3:00.  I don't remember it sounding.  Dreaming of women all night long, sex with them if... not quite.  The idea of sex with them?  Pillow talk, the warm up to it, the fuzzy world after.  Never quite sex, but everything around it.  Women are annoying.  I think... I like to be annoyed?  *big ol' laugh*

It was 5:30 when I finished getting socks on, dressed the rest of the way, and on my way down.  I used the loo, put the kettle to heating water, and fed Sassy.  As the machine warmed up.  It was ready by the time I sat down to it.  The only way to go.  But, for some reason, I am extremely bone weary.