A very difficult day.

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Why tunnel vision?  I can't say.  Out of breath, and energy, quickly as well.

I did push through, to make a meal.  Very thinly sliced onions, smothering the burgers.  Then with cheese over the top.  I forgot to reset the timer, so they cooked probably an extra three to six minutes.  Nothing burned.  The cheese melted wonderfully, and the onions softened nicely.  The burger might have been very slightly overdone.  But... it was good.

The nausea?  I think onions helped cut that.  Not extra fat.  Though one could say cheese is extra fat, and it is.  It isn't... like adding butter, coconut oil, or lard.  It's a... more solid fat.  I still have some nausea, but not a terrible amount.  Water, with it.  Half the usual coffee before it, and something else, sooner or later.  Another portion of coffee?

Sure.  But... not until I check blood sugar.  I am waiting for two hours after the meal to do that,  So... thirty two minutes and change.  Then I can test, and then have coffee.  Slightly less nausea is good.  No nausea would be better.  But, when changing one's diet, in a major way, there are consequences.

Now, with carnivore back on track, and strictly speaking, I may stop with the vitamins and mineral supplements.  Why?  I do have some concern that, somehow, those are what are causing blood sugar to go up.  Meat, especially smaller portions, shouldn't be causing that.  Water definitely won't.  Coffee won't.  Even cream, even at the most (1/2 cup a day) won't... shouldn't.

Now, I will quit the supplements for a week.  If I see no changes, rather than restart those?  I will cut cream intake.  There shouldn't be a problem with cream, but you just never know.  If it remains difficult, even just on meat?  I'll give it a few months.  See where it is then.  Perhaps my system simply, at this point, prefers high glucose/insulin levels.  If so, it will have to be broken.

But... maybe that isn't possible.  Perhaps the system is simply broken beyond repair.  If three months go by, and it doesn't work?  I'll... try another three months.  If that still fails, and I know I have been eating pure carnivore?  I... may consider medication for diabetes.  Unless my research turns up something else as being potentially problematic, something I can fix.  Can't afford grass fed/finished.  So that, if that is the problem, is something I can't do anything about.

Wrenches arrived today.  Actually, I ordered one metric set.  But, then, saw they had a mixed set.  Thirty pieces; metric from 6 to 24 complete; SAE from 1/4" to 1".  They look solid, and good, especially for the price.  Very very good.  I bought several other sets, only to find holes in the lineup.  Why?  I don't know.  

And, while looking for complete sets, I started looking at more and more expensive sets, only to see them offer fewer and fewer wrenches.  Why!?!  I found these and... doubted.  But it was worth the bet.  Sets with half the number can go for over five and six times the cost?  Yep.  So I was dubious, but... will take some bets.  Not literal bets, more risks.  And, it looks like I may have won.  Some of the missing are often used, like 10 mm.  But why not include them?  I... just don't know.

Boy are they heavy though.  I am very pleased, at first blush.  Hope they work as intended.  Gorgeous?  Just... how gorgeous is a tool supposed to be?  If you want to date your equipment, perhaps you should join the metal furry clubs?  Me?  If it's shiny enough, strong enough, whatever.  Does it work?  That's all I care about.  Will find out soon enough.

I have a few things I would like to look at, check, find, on the bike.  Now, with enough tools to do almost everything, I'll begin.  Not today, maybe not tomorrow.  But... soon.  Ugh.

Damn but I am tired.  Not sure why so very exhausted.  Staying warm, the way I have been dressing.  So that isn't it.  Started eating, if not... perhaps... as much as I would like?  Not as much as I "think" I should, but staying... satiated, and a bit more.  Nausea isn't helping, but maybe it is... that check and balance to a new diet... to keep me from eating too much of what my body can't quite handle yet?  The body is a tricky system.  God made it, to work precisely as it does.  Even through illness, a change of diet, while dying... since we opened those doors?  It's a grace, I suspect.  Ugh.

Anyway.  I'll keep at it.  I went from hellacious to, hopefully, heavenly.  I'll... take the damages, in as much grace as I can muster, and as much grace as I am allowed.  A beautiful darkness.  So... I'll suffer with as much gratitude as I can lend to it all.  The realization that I am among the luckiest dogs in the universe.  To be called, from darkness, even as the world is thinking about doing what I tried to do... end in darkness.

Little... prayers... thoughts... hopes?  From various depths of my darknesses.  Amen.