I... think of them.

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They have been on my mind, and more, since... I was... quite young.

Inside.

Midnightish?

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Well, it was.  I was sure it was just a bit after midnight when I awoke, and started getting going.  I am sure of it, from five to fifteen after.  But, as I sit writing, the clock down here read 1:18?  I... did go to the morning bathroom, and checked the thermometer outside (51/52 F, rheumy morning eyes can't see well), then fed Sassy.  Oh, and I set the water heating, for coffee.  Then filled the french press so all I have to do is pour when ready.

But... those... shouldn't take close to an hour.  Hmm.  The alarm clock, upstairs, has a button which will change the time zone.  If I am pretty sure I didn't bump it.  Hmm...  Upstairs is 75/78 (warmer near my sleeping pad).  Down here it is 72 in the main, 73 in this front room.  I had the door closed, and fan off.  Still, rather... interesting.  It did get to the mid 70s, for sure.  I think 76 was the highest I saw, but that doesn't mean it was the high.  Still, for this late in this month, it is a cooler temp.  I'll take it.  Farmers need some heat though, and will get it.

More steak.

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It has been so long since I have had a sirloin steak, I didn't know what to expect.  To be honest, I thought I'd be eating a dry, plain, simple steak.  And, to a degree yes... and no.  I am rather pleased with this steak.

For flavor?  Sure, it doesn't have the fat of a ribeye.  But, living on such high fat lately, it's... actually pleasant to have a lower fat meat.  Just for the novelty.  But the flavor of the beef, just the beef, was quite good.

Wow, so cool this morning.

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It's just to 61/62 out there, at closing on nine my local time.  Indoors, it is 71 front and back, and down to 75 upstairs.  That, upstairs, is the lowest I have seen it in... a week?  Two?  Maybe three?  No, not even sure about two weeks.  But... beyond a week.  It was just staying right at 78 to more like 82 up there.  Though I did change the direction of my ceiling fan.  I'm just not sure if it was that, or the extreme drop in temperature last night.  I just... don't know.  Will find out.  Though I think the ceiling fan reversal was the right call.

It's nice to have it be cooler.  But, I'll tell you, again, as when it dropped to 30, my fingers and even fingernails, hurt from the cool.  It isn't the temperature.  I can handle, and enjoy, 71.  But, when it goes from the low 90s to 46?  In a day?  The fast change gets to me.  Another mug of fatted coffee will help, until it warms.  I am sure it'll get up to the 70s or even 80s today?  Or... maybe not.  It is impressively cool, seems to be sticking, even later into the morning.

A cooler morning.

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It is 46 outside, at the moment.  Haze and some sparse clouds around?  Or... I thought that is what I saw.  Could all be gone in a flash, or might coalesce into a storm.  Unusual, but this, as all years, has it's idiosyncrasies?  It was down to 77/78 upstairs.  Not all that much cooler, but lower than the 82 it has been running the last few nights?  80?  In there.  The downstairs is running from 68 up front here, to 71 in the main.  Much cooler, a strangely cool cave this day.  But I'll gladly take it.

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Coffee was made.  The leftover steak was heated, in the microwave against my nature.  But it was quick, and easy.  Just a touch warm, though, not truly heated.  I am liking fat and protein on the cooler side.  Easier to digest, along with being less done.  Life is good.

Hard and yet, not.

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The day, that is.  I am weary.  Never did get a nap.  Did make it to town.  Picked up the order.  Remembered, as well, to pay a bill.  All good.

While in town, I was speaking with a young man.  Sometimes conversations just happen.  Asked how his day was going, after receiving a salutation.  "Hot" was his reply.  I asked if he meant that he was was suffering from it, or just noting the warmth.

A woman on my mind.

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No, not one I was ever with.  One I had a crush on, as a freshman.  I could remember her face, and body.  My older brother, one of them, interested the woman.  Girl, really, but?  No, back then, a senior in high school wasn't really considered a girl.  For some legal things, and... some other things.  But... certainly not in all ways, as many are considered today?

Though, age has something to do with it.  Yes.

Nap time?

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I don't think so.  Too late.  Time just ran on, and on, and on.  It's not all that late, just nearing ten.  Still cool, if a bit humid... at least for around here, and compared to normal.  Humidity is at 54%, according to the closest device.  The upstairs will be different.  It is usually more humid up there?  I thought so.

Mother called, but then didn't call through.  She was trying to call someone else.  At least she did answer when I called back.  I try not to keep her on the line too long, in those, or any, cases.  This time it was her who kept talking.  I don't mind, I just don't want to be a bother.  If... you know what I mean.

Hmm, maybe not.

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I decided to cook a batch of eggs.  And, decided to use the duck fat.

It just isn't what I once thought it was.  Though, perhaps, it goes rancid much faster than thought?  No.  It wasn't rancid.  I would have smelled that.  So, what was the problem?  Does duck fat just not go well with eggs?  The eggs are good.  That I know.

No nap, yet.

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I had some things on my mind.  Went looking.  Ran into one of my carnivore humor people.  And... he is still at it.  Oh, he... is working.  On things, his diet, and such.  I suppose.  But he... I don't know.  I do laugh.  With him?  At him?  Depends on when, what, he is suggesting.

Peels of thunder.

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Pretty close, but not seeing it.  Not frequent, yet.  So, maybe when I look up, it's already done?  Further than it seems?  A touch of a sprinkle, very intermittent, as I cooked my steak.  But... a pleasant weather system.  I do hope it rains a bit.  Though, at this time of year, surprised we even got spit on by the clouds.  Not completely unheard of, just not... all that common.

The steak cooked well.  Almost let it cook too long, but caught it.  Actually caught it, this time, with plenty of time.  Still mostly rare.  It's an inch and a half thick.  So, still, quite a steak.  And it was, is, delicious.  I could only finish about half of it.  The rest is wrapped in cling wrap and refrigerated.

Not at all sure.

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When did I go to sleep?  I just can't be sure.  I don't think anything is linked to it.  The last post was just before eleven, if those times are correct?  Hmm, I think the actual post times, now, are correct?  Maybe.  Probably.  I'll... no need to check later.  I can tell by the time-stamp on this post that it is going by real time, or at least suggesting that on this side.  It is right around 1:00 here, and is showing as "published" at 1:01.  (It time-stamps when I begin the post.)

So, yes, my last post was a bit before eleven.  But did I go right to bed?  Or was I awake until... wait... a call...  Aha.  I called the grocery store, so they wouldn't fuss about the steaks, so I can pick them up later this week.  That was at 15:42 or so.  I did that right as I was crashing.  Almost forgot.

Strange.

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Yesterday, while out, I got hungry.  And, so, ate.  A burrito and two enchiladas, at where I had been eating frequently while mending.  Now, I have never had an enchilada (or two, they are sold in pairs) there before.  Just burritos.  But I often would have two of those, which is similar in size.  So, I didn't think anything of it.  Besides, while on carnivore, I still am allowing some "bad" foods, from time to time.  

The burritos hadn't bothered blood sugar much.  So, I didn't give it another thought.  When I returned home, sat for a while, and cooled off a bit, I thought I'd check blood sugar.  Ugh!  It had gone from 120 something up to 298?  No, I didn't drink soda, just water.  I was a bit frustrated.

Doubling down?

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Doesn't she know my name?  She... must?

Not... sure.  But seems so?

A feminine rapprochement.

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It sure looks like it.

I don't... mind?

A bit too hot.

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It was 83, when I woke up, a bit before 23:00 up there.  Or, no, must have been a bit before midnight.  Down here, it was 75 in the main, 78 up front here, and a bit cooler further back.  I opened everything up, almost.  The fed Sassy.  The upstairs was already open.  Until I begin ac, that will just stay open.

Still, it's almost July, not a bad run without ac.  But this has been an unusually cool spring?  Not terribly unusual.  Well, we did have a drop to 30 earlier in the month.  So, unusual in spots, if not terribly on the whole?  More accurate than the lies the "weatherman" presents.  What do they have on all the weathermen?  Or do they just threaten their family?  Most men break.  Kill a pet, frighten a child, have the cops completely ignore the threats and actions... they break.  Same with doctors?  Probably easier to just slip doctors extra money for certain actions.  Though some lost their licenses, or had to fight for them, so learned to shut up.  Owned, all of them.

Ah, a change of plans.

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Rather than buying an electronic water kettle, I am planning on buying an all stainless one.  No plastic, no glass, no electronics.  You have to spend a solid extra extra.  And I will check the thing out thoroughly.  If it's not what it was sold as, I'll send it right back, and keep looking.

I don't want to be throwing a simple think, like a water kettle, away every three years.  For one, I'm out a water heater until the new one arrives.  But, as well, who knows what is in those.  This last one looked like it was metal, stainless.  But was it?  I just don't know.  And, the one I am buying, is... better.  In every way.  If expensive.

Oh, it was hot out there.

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I didn't see any signs, but it had to have been 90, maybe hotter?  Give or take five, from that, definitely.

Two doctors today.  Kidney and wound clinic.  Not sure, doc wanted to consider a biopsy, of the kidney?  Said... something changed, quickly.  Though... I... might... know what that was.  No promises, but... yes.  There... is something I am doing that can make something else seem to be happening... when in reality it just isn't.  I know how this goes.  I... have learned a few things.  Trying to... alter the situation, so that it doesn't do that.  More for the paperwork than the reality.

Much better.

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While life is far from perfect.  I still have exhaustion issues.  Sleep issues to a lessor degree.  And a few other problems now and again?  I realized, even with the accident, and eating poorly for a while, and other than the direct consequences of the accident, I am doing better.

I mean, I used to just hurt, arms, ribs, anywhere.  For no particular reason.  I kept painkillers around, two bottles of two sorts.  Of the highest potency for otc stuff.  And, I'd use them, usually, once a week.  Sometimes twice.  There were many weeks, even days, when I wanted (and sometimes did) use more.

Internet was down.

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Had to use my phone, in an attempt to contact the isp.  They are notoriously difficult to notify.  They hide.  I eventually called their hook-up line, and yeah.  They knew who I was, what the problem was, in spite of it not being a tech line.  Told me they were busy with "things" (give or take) until the morning.  So I went on to bed.

Set the alarms for six and nine?  Or so.  But woke at four so just rolled on out.  It was working, so I hopped on.  A few comments, so I got to those.  One was from far back, so had to be allowed.  All good.

When?

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I went to bed.  Not exactly sure when?  Ten?  In the morning type?  Actually, I think so.  Just waking at 22:00.  It was warm up there, 82 or so.  My guess is it was a bit warmer outdoors.  It is 71 now, so must have been quite warm, outright hot, out there.

With a near day of fasting under my feet, a bm out, and plenty of fluid as the body lets go of that, I thought I'd step on the scale again, this "morning".  244.3?  Down from 246.9, so a loss of 2.6 pounds?  That's cool.  I wonder if I should be fasting, after... just starting back on carnivore, and after starvation mode.  But... I'm... committed, so... oh well.  I'll go to Wednesday or Thursday.  Other than fatted coffees.  If even those will be on the lighter side.

I will not do that again.

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I made my fatted coffee as usual.  But, when finishing it up, I wondered if duck fat would work, as a minor additive.  About a tablespoon of that, in, to melt and such.  Bleh.  No.  Nor any other type of... typical fat.  Lard was never an option.  But I did wonder about tallow.  No, just... no.  I am wondering about butter, now.  I'll try it, in time.  Though not for a while.  I have to get that... notion, taste, bleh, out of my mouth, mind, before trying something questionable again.

It is 77 in this front room.  But I am quite cool.  I am not sure if it is the diet or having lost so much weight that makes me so amenable to the high temps.  At 77 I should be just about dying.  Not feeling a bit frigid.  The fan is going behind me.  But that has never made even an iota of difference in the past.

Awake early.

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I hoped I'd be awake early.  I slept a good long bit earlier last night, then got back to bed before the night was through.  Down, again, around three, up just shy of 6:20.  Nice.  It's down to 78/77 upstairs, 71 down here.  A bit cooler than expected, given that it was at least 92 yesterday, outside?  I'll take it.  Still running without either of the air conditioners.  Crazily.  Not sure how long that will last, but I'll take it.  Especially as comfortable as I am.

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Two appointments seem stacked.  I thought I might be able to make it.  I want to call and check.  It might just be too tight?  I don't want to miss either of them, think I would rather forestall one of them.  The easiest one to change would be the wound clinic.  It's getting better, so much better I am dying to see the improvements.  But... I already missed the kidney clinic once.  I... they get fussy with too many misses.  Even when it is rescheduled ahead of time.  Fussy, fussy.  And, I get it.  I do.

I love it when she visits.

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Never sure which one.  Oh... there... are a few.  Some from as far back as high school have found my... little place.  Knocking on the door, complaining about... this and that.  Remembering the good and bad times.  I... don't mind.  I do enjoy, for my part.  They must, or they wouldn't keep visiting?  Women are as tight about the ones who got away as we are?  More so, I think.

What?  Oh, musical pops.  Linear, thematic, a lot of them.  Here are a few.

A pretty good sleep.

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It got to, at least, 92 outside.  I went down at around 14:30, after not sleeping yesterday or last night?  give or take, right?  Anyway.  I couldn't get right to bed.  Too... hot, tired, and bothered, initially.  But not from in here, but carrying the dose of that I got from being out there, and the bit of effort.  Doesn't take much these days, just... I know.  But it sticks with me until I can ease out of it.

All good.  It will help me keep my days in line, I am hoping.  I just woke here at 23:30, give or take a decade of minutes.  It was 81 upstairs, near my bed, 79 in the main room and up a bit higher.  But I was comfortable.  I'll tell you, eating true carnivore means heat doesn't get me quite as severely as it has for most of my ill adult life.

I made it.

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I got in, to help with a charity breakfast this morning.  I picked up items for the event, then helped a bit, with the production line.  Since I couldn't really handle the heat, and sun, I just stayed in and cleaned most of the areas we used up.  I didn't know what to do with the remaining sausage, and two broken breakfast tacos.  So I left those.  Then I headed out.

One of the knights was asking about weight loss.  I told him my story.  I... don't think he will go with it.  Though, who knows.  I did tell him it was a painful process.  Not sure how much pain he can tolerate.  Brutal.  Truly, wicked awful.  Like any other severe withdrawal, especially from a lifelong addiction one didn't even know one had.