.
.
Post that is, while I am at it and it is available. I used this device to create a rout home. On both sides is Logan, on a highway 30. Yeah, I didn't even know Iowa had a Logan. I also made a reservation for a stay tonight. Reservations are good, but finding the place can be a trick. While I was on the machine, I decided to post.
I had mom wake me this morning, to see her off and say farewells. She cried up a storm, couldn't help it. All good, that is how they reset, sort, and such. It'll hit me, perhaps, when I am home and well rested. All good. I have most of my stuff packed and out. I just had a few items for use and wear today, a fan, monitor, and screen to pack and put in as last items. Oh, and some canned goods to take as well, salsa and such. More, I am told, will be made this fall for me to take next spring.
A rainy day. One of only a few since I have been back. They are nearly at drought levels. But a storm on my way in, and out, may lead to better things for them. Not sure they will get an earthquake. I either get those wrong or the timing is way off on those. Dunno. Everyone seems to have a weakness, flaw of particular note. And, while I see, I see for my purposes, not for... others.
I am tired, as if I ran a marathon. More, as I rested up from it, and through it, I got settled. Now to pick up and finish the race is the hard part. Two days of ugly driving. A night at a strange place in a hostile world. Then back to the world I know, or knew. All good. I am ready, if I am rather worn.
When home? Ah, I promised I would get the kitchen sink and plumbing to trim first thing. So a call, and shopping for a sink faucet, a high one. I will just have a plumber do it. Replumb underneath, the drain, and put in the faucet. Then I will check on fees for a dumpster, while beginning to set things aside to be removed. As well, I may begin shopping for a big/tall man's recliner. I really need to figure out how to get the feet elevated more often. Lots of other things to do, but not much else will happen until I have rested up a bit. I feel, honestly, as if I have run a marathon and now have to run home too. I'll... get there.
Time to pack up the last few items and hit the road. I wrote the instructions, and will by more exact maps for Iowa and Wyoming... rather than the general regional map which simply doesn't have many small towns on it. I made it, I suppose. And would make it back. I just like a little more surety. Good day, perhaps goodbye?
Thursday, August 3, 2017
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Getting ready.
.
.
As I pack, and bring it all together, I am thinking. I have had a pretty good stay. I know my mother doesn't get it all. I think she is starting to get some of it. Who I am, what I want, where I am going, how things are. She has not understood, or believed, until now. Not that she absolutely believes, but she is beginning to see that, as straight as I can tell it, I have. Though as I have gotten better, some of the memories have been cleared up, at least a bit, for me. I can't be certain about some things, never will be absolutely sure at this point. Still, she... is beginning to understand. Which makes it easier for us to be around one another.
This has been a good trip. It is probably the best visit since I have been an adult, and the longest. AC, in the upstairs window, the ability to just say when I have had enough, and the willingness and ability to mostly do what was requested... if on my timeline... also helped. It was good to get her home a little more as she wants it. I even did finally seal the gutter seem that was leaking and lower the ends to allow better flow. It's not perfect, just better.
We spent a long time in dealing with my uncle today. I am on his side, so long as he understands. A nursing home, or other facility, by force, is not a good thing. As long as he understands that staying home, alone, means death... I don't advocate death, but I am not sure a nursing home will be salvation either. I just wish they would get ac in his home. He had other problems in that house too, which weren't treated well or timely. Still, if he is, and I think he is, understanding things, then letting him choose is best. The homes just want whatever money they can get. The medical just want a new paying customer. No one, honestly, cares. Still, it really isn't my call.
He has had four close calls in this last month. He is feisty, ornery about it all. But I think he really does get it. He doesn't like it any more than we do. I don't think he really wants to die. But he also doesn't like being poked, prodded, and pushed. And they do that in there. They sort of have to, mind you. But it is annoying, and encroachment, a test. I am simply praying and leaving it God's hands, my mothers hands, my other uncle's hands, and hoping it works to God's will. Well, and learning. I may have to go through this with other family, such as my mother, and may end up on the receiving end in time.
I best get a few more things in the vehicle, do a bit more packing, then listen to some more music before eventually finishing and crashing. Good night. Oh... I don't know when I will post again. It won't be until I receive my phone refund, or know it will be arriving and am sure I have enough on hand to work it. If I can find a device that fits my bill, at all, that is. If not, good bye and good luck. Just remember, if something like me can be brought through, and I believe I have been, there is.... probably room for you.
.
As I pack, and bring it all together, I am thinking. I have had a pretty good stay. I know my mother doesn't get it all. I think she is starting to get some of it. Who I am, what I want, where I am going, how things are. She has not understood, or believed, until now. Not that she absolutely believes, but she is beginning to see that, as straight as I can tell it, I have. Though as I have gotten better, some of the memories have been cleared up, at least a bit, for me. I can't be certain about some things, never will be absolutely sure at this point. Still, she... is beginning to understand. Which makes it easier for us to be around one another.
This has been a good trip. It is probably the best visit since I have been an adult, and the longest. AC, in the upstairs window, the ability to just say when I have had enough, and the willingness and ability to mostly do what was requested... if on my timeline... also helped. It was good to get her home a little more as she wants it. I even did finally seal the gutter seem that was leaking and lower the ends to allow better flow. It's not perfect, just better.
We spent a long time in dealing with my uncle today. I am on his side, so long as he understands. A nursing home, or other facility, by force, is not a good thing. As long as he understands that staying home, alone, means death... I don't advocate death, but I am not sure a nursing home will be salvation either. I just wish they would get ac in his home. He had other problems in that house too, which weren't treated well or timely. Still, if he is, and I think he is, understanding things, then letting him choose is best. The homes just want whatever money they can get. The medical just want a new paying customer. No one, honestly, cares. Still, it really isn't my call.
He has had four close calls in this last month. He is feisty, ornery about it all. But I think he really does get it. He doesn't like it any more than we do. I don't think he really wants to die. But he also doesn't like being poked, prodded, and pushed. And they do that in there. They sort of have to, mind you. But it is annoying, and encroachment, a test. I am simply praying and leaving it God's hands, my mothers hands, my other uncle's hands, and hoping it works to God's will. Well, and learning. I may have to go through this with other family, such as my mother, and may end up on the receiving end in time.
I best get a few more things in the vehicle, do a bit more packing, then listen to some more music before eventually finishing and crashing. Good night. Oh... I don't know when I will post again. It won't be until I receive my phone refund, or know it will be arriving and am sure I have enough on hand to work it. If I can find a device that fits my bill, at all, that is. If not, good bye and good luck. Just remember, if something like me can be brought through, and I believe I have been, there is.... probably room for you.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
Dames.
.
.
I was just thinking... mothers, sisters, daughters in time, loves and lovers, they all share a certain aspect. A meanness that is ruthless. It is a bit of a test for men. If they won't cross that, the woman knows the man will either become a lapdog type or won't even be worth that. He can be turned into a drone. Those who cross it, cancel it, and don't miss a beat? That is how men are measured in a woman's world. If he can do it without violence, that's the golden boy, with violence he is the bad boy, perhaps there are other rankings. I doubt if women even realize they are doing the testing, or know, consciously, the results. They just "do", and then work on what remains.
Women have to test. They, before doctors/medicine took over fitness testing, women did that work. And, if a man fell ill, and was't likely to recover, unless he had means... such as stored wealth he still controlled well, or thick family lines which still loved him, they would put him down. The testing isn't just for that... limited resource use, but also for breeding. Women only want the very best, more so that their kids have a chance at more, or better, or simply a real chance at survival.
Until my health improved, I didn't realize that even my mother was doing this. All women, kin or not, take jabs at testing a man, if they get the opportunity. Now that I am well, and realize some things, I have been understanding that my mother isn't "just a "b...."", but is testing. They do it by nature. I... have been treating that differently, now that I realize. Oh, I knew it with other women, just didn't realize that was her gig too. Of course, they... can end up crying. But this is good for them. They have that as an outlet, for a reason. Once cleared, they are right as rain and have the data they were seeking. I think, finally, she is believing some of my story, now that I have come, to some degree, back into my rights. She knows, if not true, it could have been. As good as it can get unless she had been there, I think. Yeah... there is music for that.
.
I was just thinking... mothers, sisters, daughters in time, loves and lovers, they all share a certain aspect. A meanness that is ruthless. It is a bit of a test for men. If they won't cross that, the woman knows the man will either become a lapdog type or won't even be worth that. He can be turned into a drone. Those who cross it, cancel it, and don't miss a beat? That is how men are measured in a woman's world. If he can do it without violence, that's the golden boy, with violence he is the bad boy, perhaps there are other rankings. I doubt if women even realize they are doing the testing, or know, consciously, the results. They just "do", and then work on what remains.
Women have to test. They, before doctors/medicine took over fitness testing, women did that work. And, if a man fell ill, and was't likely to recover, unless he had means... such as stored wealth he still controlled well, or thick family lines which still loved him, they would put him down. The testing isn't just for that... limited resource use, but also for breeding. Women only want the very best, more so that their kids have a chance at more, or better, or simply a real chance at survival.
Until my health improved, I didn't realize that even my mother was doing this. All women, kin or not, take jabs at testing a man, if they get the opportunity. Now that I am well, and realize some things, I have been understanding that my mother isn't "just a "b...."", but is testing. They do it by nature. I... have been treating that differently, now that I realize. Oh, I knew it with other women, just didn't realize that was her gig too. Of course, they... can end up crying. But this is good for them. They have that as an outlet, for a reason. Once cleared, they are right as rain and have the data they were seeking. I think, finally, she is believing some of my story, now that I have come, to some degree, back into my rights. She knows, if not true, it could have been. As good as it can get unless she had been there, I think. Yeah... there is music for that.
Monday, July 31, 2017
A gooder son.
.
.
Not the best son, but a better son. I am not economically successful. And I am difficult to work with. At least now we understand why. As well, I am doing enough better so as to work better and more. This last helps my standing as a son. My mother, in some ways, is old school. Men work, women feed.
I helped paint part of the first room and most of the second room. This, besides being a thing she wanted desperately, was something she really shouldn't have been helping. I simply wasn't sure what I could do. She had to do the organizing. But the actual painting was a bit much for her. After painting the first room, I realized I could paint well enough, so did most of the next room. This pleased both of us. I like to work. I more have trouble organizing. She is good at that part of it.
As well, I cut branches so that she can park without scratching her vehicle, mow without having to duck, and removed a few shrub-trees which were becoming a nuisance. Oh, and just today I cleaned her gutters, changing the heights of various places so they should drain better and calking a seem that was dripping on her.
Beyond those things, I took care of most groceries, gave her some money for utilities, helped with the dishes and cooking chores, among other things. Domestics really isn't my forte. But I can help, and did, from time to time.
We have had a few arguments. When it gets too hot, that just happens. And yet this has been one of the best visits I can remember. I am doing my level best not to leave on a sour note. We used to do that. My brother does that. It is good.
I am planning on returning next spring, for a family swoop in to see my niece's graduation. I have not met my brother's daughters. I have only seen my brother twice since his wedding. We will, if all holds, be in a small caravan of folk heading south for the graduation. And, when we return, I asked... tonight... if we can begin planning a family reunion. I can't do the calls and such. Not my gig. But I can be her legs. I can do actual work, as needed. Between the two of us, and perhaps a lady cousin, we might yet have a family reunion... perhaps the year after... so two years hence, give or take.
Yeah, now that I am not just a mental, i will begin being a part of the family again. Believing I was crazy kept me from being involved. I even passed up some opportunities at good women. Yeah. They really did mess me over by lying about the nature of my illness. Whatevs. I'll heal what I can, and redo what I can. It's been good, perhaps it will be better from now on... mostly.
.
Not the best son, but a better son. I am not economically successful. And I am difficult to work with. At least now we understand why. As well, I am doing enough better so as to work better and more. This last helps my standing as a son. My mother, in some ways, is old school. Men work, women feed.
I helped paint part of the first room and most of the second room. This, besides being a thing she wanted desperately, was something she really shouldn't have been helping. I simply wasn't sure what I could do. She had to do the organizing. But the actual painting was a bit much for her. After painting the first room, I realized I could paint well enough, so did most of the next room. This pleased both of us. I like to work. I more have trouble organizing. She is good at that part of it.
As well, I cut branches so that she can park without scratching her vehicle, mow without having to duck, and removed a few shrub-trees which were becoming a nuisance. Oh, and just today I cleaned her gutters, changing the heights of various places so they should drain better and calking a seem that was dripping on her.
Beyond those things, I took care of most groceries, gave her some money for utilities, helped with the dishes and cooking chores, among other things. Domestics really isn't my forte. But I can help, and did, from time to time.
We have had a few arguments. When it gets too hot, that just happens. And yet this has been one of the best visits I can remember. I am doing my level best not to leave on a sour note. We used to do that. My brother does that. It is good.
I am planning on returning next spring, for a family swoop in to see my niece's graduation. I have not met my brother's daughters. I have only seen my brother twice since his wedding. We will, if all holds, be in a small caravan of folk heading south for the graduation. And, when we return, I asked... tonight... if we can begin planning a family reunion. I can't do the calls and such. Not my gig. But I can be her legs. I can do actual work, as needed. Between the two of us, and perhaps a lady cousin, we might yet have a family reunion... perhaps the year after... so two years hence, give or take.
Yeah, now that I am not just a mental, i will begin being a part of the family again. Believing I was crazy kept me from being involved. I even passed up some opportunities at good women. Yeah. They really did mess me over by lying about the nature of my illness. Whatevs. I'll heal what I can, and redo what I can. It's been good, perhaps it will be better from now on... mostly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)