.
.
By my standards, and these days. I used to take powernaps. Never of the supposed ten minute type, but an half hour could see me through tight harsh spots. Now it take about an hour and an half to two hours to get the natural bennies I am seeking. A little less than two hours is prime. I went down at a 14:15 or such, and started kicking out by 15:45 or something. I had set the alarm, for 16:00, as an insurance policy. Yea, life looks a bit better. Still tired but I should make it to bedtime, and get a few minor things done.
I know I dreamed. Women. Just some of the crazy silly and more pleasant parts of the times I spent with one of my past lovers. Sexy parts, perhaps, but no sex. Sex just isn't what it's all about. Sometime you need it, sometimes you want it, it might be one of the glues, but it's as much a communication as it is anything else. No, this was just some pleasant time with a woman. Intimate and personal and alive. I can't remember her face from the dream so have less chance of remembering her name. I think it was some summer, or spring. Lots of sunshine, trips to a beach and some parks... city type parks. A lot of talking and teasing and laughing. It was a pleasant dream. It wasn't all bad. And, remember, when in the Navy, I moved every few months. Not fair, but the way of it. Along with harsh ones I had some very nice women.
Amazon has been quite good lately. The returns have been easy and solid. I thought they forgot to send an item, I contacted them, they resent it and... I just found it. I can't believe that, I checked everything, several times. It had gotten stuck in the packaging for another item, to be fair to me, and remained stuck even after I removed to other item from it's own odd packaging withing the whole package. No, I won't keep it. They are in the process of sending a replacement. I will try to get a stop on that, and offer to pay the shipping. Honesty, playing fair, and saving that willingness of theirs to right a wrong for when it really is wrong. But, really, it comes down to honesty. It just happens to be a good business practice.
A cup of coffee or two, in hopes of shaking out of the doldrums beyond what the nap offered. It's a bit of a rough day. The sun is still out, the shades are mostly open... as much as I can take. I remind you, I am a cave dweller! A few restful days should see me back to it shortly. Oh, and I just increased my dosage of heart medicine. Actually... hmm... I did that Thursday though. Maybe it is just catching up with me, and on top of everything else? Maybe. Later.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
So very tired.
.
.
I have been avoiding a nap. It is sort of at the now or never point. Now is sounding pretty good. Even with the sun up I am rather crushed today. I am simple tired. I did what I could this week. I made it to the weekend before crashing. I don't think the crash will mess anything up. Assuming my nap doesn't get away from me that is. My plans are possibly going to stay in thought form. I don't think there is anything happening for today at least. Tomorrow is too far away for me to know. Hmm, I could look up the contact information for that faucet, and have that ready for a contact Monday... Tuesday that is.
I did have menudo, with freshly sliced yellow onion, for breakfast. Onion really makes it. That will go well with variations of egg breakfasts too. Love that onion. And I will, most likely, hit the grill this afternoon. The only other thing I really want to try to get in is showshoe practice. A session or three of that, and regardless of other plans, I would like to head out into the snow somewhere. Nothing fancy, flatland if I can find it, and probably a very short walk. Just... it will be a start. A down payment on actually getting out for longer hikes and eventually winter camping. Technically you don't need a tent. Actually, you do, as a beginner, or relearning. You can learn to survive out there, but first you have to acclimate to "out there". You do that in bits and parts, then... if you have the strength, learn the techniques, and know what you can do and what you can't, then you hit it like a mountain man. To do otherwise is folly. Irresponsible folly.
Nap? Yeah. Good later!
.
I have been avoiding a nap. It is sort of at the now or never point. Now is sounding pretty good. Even with the sun up I am rather crushed today. I am simple tired. I did what I could this week. I made it to the weekend before crashing. I don't think the crash will mess anything up. Assuming my nap doesn't get away from me that is. My plans are possibly going to stay in thought form. I don't think there is anything happening for today at least. Tomorrow is too far away for me to know. Hmm, I could look up the contact information for that faucet, and have that ready for a contact Monday... Tuesday that is.
I did have menudo, with freshly sliced yellow onion, for breakfast. Onion really makes it. That will go well with variations of egg breakfasts too. Love that onion. And I will, most likely, hit the grill this afternoon. The only other thing I really want to try to get in is showshoe practice. A session or three of that, and regardless of other plans, I would like to head out into the snow somewhere. Nothing fancy, flatland if I can find it, and probably a very short walk. Just... it will be a start. A down payment on actually getting out for longer hikes and eventually winter camping. Technically you don't need a tent. Actually, you do, as a beginner, or relearning. You can learn to survive out there, but first you have to acclimate to "out there". You do that in bits and parts, then... if you have the strength, learn the techniques, and know what you can do and what you can't, then you hit it like a mountain man. To do otherwise is folly. Irresponsible folly.
Nap? Yeah. Good later!
Weekend!
.
.
These last two days, at least, have been quite full. From getting a printer operational (which seems an easy task, a task which I have had no luck with for the last three tries), to taking care of a few points of business, doing laundry, and... many other things. Trips to town, shopping, dropping off packages and post, and... much was done. I have been pushing along quite well. Oh, and I twisted my days and nights back into place. Yeah, that too. I woke a bit after 4:00 but was able to stay down until almost 6:00.
A couple of cups of beer last night. Yeah, it was Friday after all. A desert. I had hoped to cook a steak and potatoes. Once home, I knew I was done for the day. I am a bit weary this morning as well. My only goals today, and mildly anticipated, would be to finish up the laundry, get started on and maybe finish the dishes, and work with the snowshoes. For food I am hoping to get the grill going, bake potatoes before they turn, and grill a steak for some sort of lunch, and chicken thighs for elsewhile. Tomorrow I would like to hit the kitchen and the living room. Monday I would like to hit the remainder of the living room and this, the computer, room. I really want to, and think I can this time, steam vac the living room. So many things have come up, but the place hasn't fallen completely out of specs so as to make that impossible. For the most part, I plan on taking a few days down first, if I can do small things to prepare for the big job. I might even have a glass of beer or two tonight, or a bottle or two with the steak. First though, more coffee.
It almost looks as if the sun will be brighter today. If it is worth the effort, I will open the shades. After these things are done, if I do get to the living room and all that, I am not sure what next. Probably cleaning and straightening the garage. Then on to my bedroom, and then the spare bedroom. As those are completed, I might begin working on the bathroom. There are smaller jobs I want to do as well. I would like to put in heavy duty shelving for the cable box and bluray player. Much like what I would like to install in the bathroom instead of a vanity. I see it is two birds with one stone... the practical needs and practice for the work in the bathroom. Just 12x4's, treated, primed, and painted to a lacquer black, then somehow attached to brackets, perhaps also wooden(?) if possible, with enough room for cords between the wall and the shelves so as to connect things cleanly. Oh, and I would like to do a little bit of drywall repair in the functioning bathroom. Such small tasks can end up being monstrous sometimes... usually. Oh... and to get in touch with the maker of that faucet, and figure out how to get it repaired or replaced... I might be able to begin that early in this coming week. A phone call, perhaps a return label so they can check the faucet, and go from there.
It's looking more and more possible. Everything. Even with some modicum of health and function, each job is one at a time, over time, through time. No matter the will, these things take time. Frustrating. And yet, looking back, I see what I have done, the increased pace, and some other things that are beginning to make more sense. It is all very possible. For now, though, the necessity if for rest, so rest I shall have.
Good morning and day.
.
These last two days, at least, have been quite full. From getting a printer operational (which seems an easy task, a task which I have had no luck with for the last three tries), to taking care of a few points of business, doing laundry, and... many other things. Trips to town, shopping, dropping off packages and post, and... much was done. I have been pushing along quite well. Oh, and I twisted my days and nights back into place. Yeah, that too. I woke a bit after 4:00 but was able to stay down until almost 6:00.
A couple of cups of beer last night. Yeah, it was Friday after all. A desert. I had hoped to cook a steak and potatoes. Once home, I knew I was done for the day. I am a bit weary this morning as well. My only goals today, and mildly anticipated, would be to finish up the laundry, get started on and maybe finish the dishes, and work with the snowshoes. For food I am hoping to get the grill going, bake potatoes before they turn, and grill a steak for some sort of lunch, and chicken thighs for elsewhile. Tomorrow I would like to hit the kitchen and the living room. Monday I would like to hit the remainder of the living room and this, the computer, room. I really want to, and think I can this time, steam vac the living room. So many things have come up, but the place hasn't fallen completely out of specs so as to make that impossible. For the most part, I plan on taking a few days down first, if I can do small things to prepare for the big job. I might even have a glass of beer or two tonight, or a bottle or two with the steak. First though, more coffee.
It almost looks as if the sun will be brighter today. If it is worth the effort, I will open the shades. After these things are done, if I do get to the living room and all that, I am not sure what next. Probably cleaning and straightening the garage. Then on to my bedroom, and then the spare bedroom. As those are completed, I might begin working on the bathroom. There are smaller jobs I want to do as well. I would like to put in heavy duty shelving for the cable box and bluray player. Much like what I would like to install in the bathroom instead of a vanity. I see it is two birds with one stone... the practical needs and practice for the work in the bathroom. Just 12x4's, treated, primed, and painted to a lacquer black, then somehow attached to brackets, perhaps also wooden(?) if possible, with enough room for cords between the wall and the shelves so as to connect things cleanly. Oh, and I would like to do a little bit of drywall repair in the functioning bathroom. Such small tasks can end up being monstrous sometimes... usually. Oh... and to get in touch with the maker of that faucet, and figure out how to get it repaired or replaced... I might be able to begin that early in this coming week. A phone call, perhaps a return label so they can check the faucet, and go from there.
It's looking more and more possible. Everything. Even with some modicum of health and function, each job is one at a time, over time, through time. No matter the will, these things take time. Frustrating. And yet, looking back, I see what I have done, the increased pace, and some other things that are beginning to make more sense. It is all very possible. For now, though, the necessity if for rest, so rest I shall have.
Good morning and day.
Friday, January 16, 2015
I was doubting.
.
.
Doubt, as with fear or illness or other things, doesn't preclude action. It is merely an assessment. It was growing long in the afternoon. I had done a few things, but... getting a shower and then to town, and then to a very long list of projects, chores, and duties seemed a bit much. What wouldn't get done. What would? What, again, was I supposed to do? Wow, yeah, maybe, probably not. I might get some of it, and that is a start. So I pushed on.
I caught a break with my first set of tasks. I had planned to drop the box off at UPS, then head to an office works store to get my drivers license printed full size, then take the two items to be sent by post to the post office and sent. As it turns out, the UPS office has print capability, offered post, and a postal drop box. Bingo. That just cut an hour, or more depending on lines, out of my schedule. After that, I called my friend. Lunch first, for me. He was not hungry. Taco Bell, for a change. It wasn't great or filling. I didn't want to be filled, I still had some running to do. Actually, just groceries. He still needed chocolate ice cream sticks, so that worked. I purchased all I would need for a while, and few extras, he got his shopping finished, so I took him to his place.
As I was leaving town, I realized I had forgotten a couple of things. Onions, first off. But I had failed to find flouride free toothpaste, if that wasn't something I need immediately. It was on my list. So, against my natural drive to keep going when I am already moving in a certain direction, I went back to another store. Oh, and I remembered the day. So... I bought beer. Yes, I... deserve a little grain juice, and I'm not into green organic goo. So what if it is a little... rotten. :p
Nice. Very nice. A bit of rest this weekend, with some house cleaning on the side. Good night... probably.
.
Doubt, as with fear or illness or other things, doesn't preclude action. It is merely an assessment. It was growing long in the afternoon. I had done a few things, but... getting a shower and then to town, and then to a very long list of projects, chores, and duties seemed a bit much. What wouldn't get done. What would? What, again, was I supposed to do? Wow, yeah, maybe, probably not. I might get some of it, and that is a start. So I pushed on.
I caught a break with my first set of tasks. I had planned to drop the box off at UPS, then head to an office works store to get my drivers license printed full size, then take the two items to be sent by post to the post office and sent. As it turns out, the UPS office has print capability, offered post, and a postal drop box. Bingo. That just cut an hour, or more depending on lines, out of my schedule. After that, I called my friend. Lunch first, for me. He was not hungry. Taco Bell, for a change. It wasn't great or filling. I didn't want to be filled, I still had some running to do. Actually, just groceries. He still needed chocolate ice cream sticks, so that worked. I purchased all I would need for a while, and few extras, he got his shopping finished, so I took him to his place.
As I was leaving town, I realized I had forgotten a couple of things. Onions, first off. But I had failed to find flouride free toothpaste, if that wasn't something I need immediately. It was on my list. So, against my natural drive to keep going when I am already moving in a certain direction, I went back to another store. Oh, and I remembered the day. So... I bought beer. Yes, I... deserve a little grain juice, and I'm not into green organic goo. So what if it is a little... rotten. :p
Nice. Very nice. A bit of rest this weekend, with some house cleaning on the side. Good night... probably.
Hold your horses.
.
.
I am getting there. The printer was a set up, a phone call to my mother, the return label generated and after some tinkering printed. Then a load of laundry in, dried, and out, and another in the dryer. Finally, a thank you card prepped and a letter written along with a check. Now to get a shower, then set up a load of dishes. Finally, on to town. Oh, I did call my friend to let him know I would be arriving mid-afternoon. Once I get to town, I need to get a blow-up copy of my drivers license, drop off one last box at UPS, add the copy to the letter and check and post that and the card. Then I will call my friend. Whatever he would like to do, then some grocery shopping. Well, and I am hoping to find non-flouride tooth paste. Paranoia runs deep. But I like it.
My friend may want to do some window shopping. And I think he wanted something from the store... oh right... ice cream sticks. He has probably eaten. Breakfast was quite early for me, so another bite to eat would be quite nice. Down from a double, though large. I like those fries! Yeah, but it's a rare treat and honestly I don't care. If I was busy, and close, enough, I wouldn't mind daily. Just... cut portions, as I have been anyway.
I might get it all done yet today. It's been slower than I had hoped. It is overcast. I prefer it overcast when I will be busy though, it just makes getting started a bit more difficult. This will take a whole load of things off my to-do list! Some of these things are running out of time, some are long overdue, some are just on time, and a few are pushing new envelopes. I haven't returned something in... years... whether it worked or not. Couldn't get it altogether in the required time. Nice.
Oh, right. On to a shower. I best get going. Later.
.
I am getting there. The printer was a set up, a phone call to my mother, the return label generated and after some tinkering printed. Then a load of laundry in, dried, and out, and another in the dryer. Finally, a thank you card prepped and a letter written along with a check. Now to get a shower, then set up a load of dishes. Finally, on to town. Oh, I did call my friend to let him know I would be arriving mid-afternoon. Once I get to town, I need to get a blow-up copy of my drivers license, drop off one last box at UPS, add the copy to the letter and check and post that and the card. Then I will call my friend. Whatever he would like to do, then some grocery shopping. Well, and I am hoping to find non-flouride tooth paste. Paranoia runs deep. But I like it.
My friend may want to do some window shopping. And I think he wanted something from the store... oh right... ice cream sticks. He has probably eaten. Breakfast was quite early for me, so another bite to eat would be quite nice. Down from a double, though large. I like those fries! Yeah, but it's a rare treat and honestly I don't care. If I was busy, and close, enough, I wouldn't mind daily. Just... cut portions, as I have been anyway.
I might get it all done yet today. It's been slower than I had hoped. It is overcast. I prefer it overcast when I will be busy though, it just makes getting started a bit more difficult. This will take a whole load of things off my to-do list! Some of these things are running out of time, some are long overdue, some are just on time, and a few are pushing new envelopes. I haven't returned something in... years... whether it worked or not. Couldn't get it altogether in the required time. Nice.
Oh, right. On to a shower. I best get going. Later.
Well...
.
.
Not as fast as I had thought. Though maybe. Instead of other things intended, I set up my printer. Oh, but I had to figure out what was wrong with the external cd drive. The internal one has a broken bit that makes it unusable. That done, and this and that, the printer is functioning. While it was loading drivers and such, I went to Amazon to get the return label for the watch arranged. Just about as if planned and precisely and accurately, the printer was ready just in time. *zip* Printed. So big, though. I bought an inexpensive printer. As such, there is no means of reducing the size of the print. Or, so far. Perhaps I have missed something, or need to restart the computer. I'll check in a short bit.
Before that I called my mother. She seems to be doing quite well. It is quite cold there. She, I think finally, appreciated her Christmas gift. A really warm, truly solid quality coat, is worth it's weight in shivers and illness. But that is difficult to foresee until you are in one and it is below zero. Not a brag, just... pleasing. Wisdom can take some time to see. It is always good to hear a mother's voice. To hear health and wellness, some comfort, and pleasure with life. This summer, perhaps, we will visit my brother. All of us are cranky and rusty, but just as sharp, petty, mean, and yet with good features too. The sparring is, mostly, more mature, targeted, and either quite passive or quite direct these days. A drive there with her will be quite the thing. Then a few days to a week altogether and... Should be interesting. Hey, we all like to fight, be right, get hurt a bit, and then make it right. We will get our wish. For me it's nothing personal, in a way. Just business. My mother and brother, I always thought, were a bit more... delicate. Yeah... should be fun.
Crazy what I am doing, how fast I got back to it... with a little sun. Today is cloudy, but my solar batteries are charged well enough to carry me through a day or two. Probably. I still need to write a letter and a check, fill out a thank you card, start a load of laundry, take a shower, start a load of dishes, and put the box together for a return. Truly, quite nice. How much of that will, definitely, get done is anyone's guess. Though... I suspect that most or all of it. And maybe snowshoe practice this evening. Maybe. Oh, right, best get the girls some food. I'll put a load of laundry in at the same time, and make a tidy little breakfast as well, for myself. Eggs, bacon, and... Hmm... Not pancakes today, I just don't quite have the time. But soon, on those.
If I can get timing back under some control, I might have to hit up Mass, and confession. I have been so off for the last few years. As I told my friend, an hour late IS on time. Gah! Yes, he knows. Hmm... while in town, at least after knocking off some of my efforts, I will probably see if he is interested in a lunch, or late lunch. Best call him around 10:00, or he will eat and so be too full for a lunch. Just fast food, but it's not at home, no cooking, no cleaning, and inexpensive enough.
Later.
.
Not as fast as I had thought. Though maybe. Instead of other things intended, I set up my printer. Oh, but I had to figure out what was wrong with the external cd drive. The internal one has a broken bit that makes it unusable. That done, and this and that, the printer is functioning. While it was loading drivers and such, I went to Amazon to get the return label for the watch arranged. Just about as if planned and precisely and accurately, the printer was ready just in time. *zip* Printed. So big, though. I bought an inexpensive printer. As such, there is no means of reducing the size of the print. Or, so far. Perhaps I have missed something, or need to restart the computer. I'll check in a short bit.
Before that I called my mother. She seems to be doing quite well. It is quite cold there. She, I think finally, appreciated her Christmas gift. A really warm, truly solid quality coat, is worth it's weight in shivers and illness. But that is difficult to foresee until you are in one and it is below zero. Not a brag, just... pleasing. Wisdom can take some time to see. It is always good to hear a mother's voice. To hear health and wellness, some comfort, and pleasure with life. This summer, perhaps, we will visit my brother. All of us are cranky and rusty, but just as sharp, petty, mean, and yet with good features too. The sparring is, mostly, more mature, targeted, and either quite passive or quite direct these days. A drive there with her will be quite the thing. Then a few days to a week altogether and... Should be interesting. Hey, we all like to fight, be right, get hurt a bit, and then make it right. We will get our wish. For me it's nothing personal, in a way. Just business. My mother and brother, I always thought, were a bit more... delicate. Yeah... should be fun.
Crazy what I am doing, how fast I got back to it... with a little sun. Today is cloudy, but my solar batteries are charged well enough to carry me through a day or two. Probably. I still need to write a letter and a check, fill out a thank you card, start a load of laundry, take a shower, start a load of dishes, and put the box together for a return. Truly, quite nice. How much of that will, definitely, get done is anyone's guess. Though... I suspect that most or all of it. And maybe snowshoe practice this evening. Maybe. Oh, right, best get the girls some food. I'll put a load of laundry in at the same time, and make a tidy little breakfast as well, for myself. Eggs, bacon, and... Hmm... Not pancakes today, I just don't quite have the time. But soon, on those.
If I can get timing back under some control, I might have to hit up Mass, and confession. I have been so off for the last few years. As I told my friend, an hour late IS on time. Gah! Yes, he knows. Hmm... while in town, at least after knocking off some of my efforts, I will probably see if he is interested in a lunch, or late lunch. Best call him around 10:00, or he will eat and so be too full for a lunch. Just fast food, but it's not at home, no cooking, no cleaning, and inexpensive enough.
Later.
Good, very good.
.
.
I was awake until a bit after 21:00. Rounding to 22:00 I set the alarm for 6:00. Wasn't sure I would make it all the way. I was correct. A spit before 4:00 I started waking. I tried to return to sleep. I could only rest, and just a bit, waking a bit before 4:00 anyway. I dreamed of the women in the Otep song. A gift, in a way. The singer isn't what she portrays. But she does play the part in the song. Seeing some of the raw memories, but through a filter. It's as if God has... forgiven these things so allowed my conscience some peace from what was. A part of me still clings to the old, if not for want, for guilt. And, so, I must yet see. Less, do I see, to suffer than to remember, and compare to what may be at hand. Not a burning, this dream, so much as a sadness, another step in letting go, and hope for something much better. Compassionate, patient, kind. Beside loving, attempting to serve, and fearing in a right way, God... I also actually like Him. These days.
In spite of the later long day yesterday, and the effort I put out, I am doing quite well this morning. I will still use a bit more time for waking, then consider my options. The recent small spell has left me with a bit of straightening to do, a minor pile of dirty dishes, a couple loads of laundry, and what remains of my list from yesterday. Oh, and a few more things. I need to set up my printer, make sure it works. If so, then I will set up a return ticket for one of the watches I ordered, print that, get the box ready, and return that when I am in town next.
The watch that died was found. I had reset the analog portion several times, to no good ends. Still, being the eternal pessimist, of sorts, I wanted to, once again, prove the thing a rip-off. So... I reset the analog hands and... it works! I checked it fifteen minutes after, then when I returned from town, and finally again this morning. All good. So... I can just return the watch that was impossible to read and not look for a third watch. Yes, for me it seems, having several watches is the way to go. It isn't so much accessorizing as it is making sure I have at least one working time piece. I am brutal on watches, somehow. And being able to change them out, from time to time, might add some life to them while ensuring when I kill the next one, even if I am not so up to finding and ordering another, I will have something with which to keep pace on life. It's... good to be a pessimist! :p
So much to do! But first I really have to wake more fully. In an hour, or two, I hope to set a load of laundry to wash. Then a shower, after that load is ready to put in the dryer, then a load of dishes. Hopefully I can get each of those cycled before deciding what next. A trip to town, grocery shopping and the return if I can get the printer going easily enough. If I get all of that going, when I return, I may try the snowshoes on, and practicing walking in them, learning how best to stand, move, and get to my feet, in them. A few sessions of that, I suppose, before going out into the wilds. Well, those are the goals.
I have much more to do. If I can get just a bit ahead, here and there, I can expand much. Currently, the down time put me in the 'uncomfortably behind' category. Easily fixable if I can keep on my feet for a week or two. Yes, I am enjoying this. A new life, a fuller life, a... an n'th chance. Later.
.
I was awake until a bit after 21:00. Rounding to 22:00 I set the alarm for 6:00. Wasn't sure I would make it all the way. I was correct. A spit before 4:00 I started waking. I tried to return to sleep. I could only rest, and just a bit, waking a bit before 4:00 anyway. I dreamed of the women in the Otep song. A gift, in a way. The singer isn't what she portrays. But she does play the part in the song. Seeing some of the raw memories, but through a filter. It's as if God has... forgiven these things so allowed my conscience some peace from what was. A part of me still clings to the old, if not for want, for guilt. And, so, I must yet see. Less, do I see, to suffer than to remember, and compare to what may be at hand. Not a burning, this dream, so much as a sadness, another step in letting go, and hope for something much better. Compassionate, patient, kind. Beside loving, attempting to serve, and fearing in a right way, God... I also actually like Him. These days.
In spite of the later long day yesterday, and the effort I put out, I am doing quite well this morning. I will still use a bit more time for waking, then consider my options. The recent small spell has left me with a bit of straightening to do, a minor pile of dirty dishes, a couple loads of laundry, and what remains of my list from yesterday. Oh, and a few more things. I need to set up my printer, make sure it works. If so, then I will set up a return ticket for one of the watches I ordered, print that, get the box ready, and return that when I am in town next.
The watch that died was found. I had reset the analog portion several times, to no good ends. Still, being the eternal pessimist, of sorts, I wanted to, once again, prove the thing a rip-off. So... I reset the analog hands and... it works! I checked it fifteen minutes after, then when I returned from town, and finally again this morning. All good. So... I can just return the watch that was impossible to read and not look for a third watch. Yes, for me it seems, having several watches is the way to go. It isn't so much accessorizing as it is making sure I have at least one working time piece. I am brutal on watches, somehow. And being able to change them out, from time to time, might add some life to them while ensuring when I kill the next one, even if I am not so up to finding and ordering another, I will have something with which to keep pace on life. It's... good to be a pessimist! :p
So much to do! But first I really have to wake more fully. In an hour, or two, I hope to set a load of laundry to wash. Then a shower, after that load is ready to put in the dryer, then a load of dishes. Hopefully I can get each of those cycled before deciding what next. A trip to town, grocery shopping and the return if I can get the printer going easily enough. If I get all of that going, when I return, I may try the snowshoes on, and practicing walking in them, learning how best to stand, move, and get to my feet, in them. A few sessions of that, I suppose, before going out into the wilds. Well, those are the goals.
I have much more to do. If I can get just a bit ahead, here and there, I can expand much. Currently, the down time put me in the 'uncomfortably behind' category. Easily fixable if I can keep on my feet for a week or two. Yes, I am enjoying this. A new life, a fuller life, a... an n'th chance. Later.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Dude!?!
.
.
No, I was sure, today, that I would get out. I had a few things on the list. As I was going, though, like a snowball down a mountain, the size and power grew.
Let me see, what all and in what order... Okay, first to Walmart. Packing tape, clear. But then I realized I didn't have scissors and hadn't cut out the various pieces of paper from the printed return label, so scissors. While I was at it I purchased a new printer. Dang it, I need one. I kept the receipt and will get it set up in a day or two. If it doesn't work, as the last three haven't, I am in good enough shape to remember to return it. I guess I have a pair of scissors for the vehicle now. Then fifteen minutes snipping and taping the packages and labels. Then I went driving blind. I couldn't remember where the UPS office and drop box were. I remembered the office, or a general idea of where it was, just in time to turn. A little hunt and peck and bingo. Easy, just drop and go. No papers to fill out, nothing to sign, nothing to pay. Nice!
Then on to another task. I haven't used the new glasses I purchased. It is usually messy, changing glasses. Headaches, blurry vision for a while, and... I just hate doing it. And they have to be adjusted, usually. So I grabbed the unused new pair and headed in, untried. When I got in, I opened the box, tried them on, but they fit as if they had been made for my face. I did ask about bifocals, as the eye doc had measured for that. Hmm, on my own, progressives, the total tag would be $500-$600... Okay, not up for that. That is my quarter beef. For now I would rather have my quarter beef. Ugh. After that, a trip to my bank. I withdrew enough for the the cost of the hog, a bit of walking around money, and some change for a cash drawer. I'm trying to remember to add a little cash to my home reserves each month. Gotta track that closely. If I get to a certain point, and silver has slid to my buy price, I will begin considering trading this for that, so long as I have enough this left for a comfort zone.
I then called my friend. He wanted a router, so we went looking for one. He rents, but the cost of a router is less than a year of rent, so he bought one. Then to lunch. Then I left him off at his place. I forgot groceries... still, not bad. And, on the way home, I did remember to pay for the hog. I told my friend I would be in either Saturday or Monday. Depending on weather and my condition. All in all, at 17:00, it's been a very good day. I may need a day or three off. Or perhaps this was just what I needed to get going again? I never quite really know.
Yes, I can make reality. I just can't always purely make it whole cloth. The question is, has an ember ignited, and will it last. A little breath can do much with even a humble spark. I will see, I suppose. Later.
.
No, I was sure, today, that I would get out. I had a few things on the list. As I was going, though, like a snowball down a mountain, the size and power grew.
Let me see, what all and in what order... Okay, first to Walmart. Packing tape, clear. But then I realized I didn't have scissors and hadn't cut out the various pieces of paper from the printed return label, so scissors. While I was at it I purchased a new printer. Dang it, I need one. I kept the receipt and will get it set up in a day or two. If it doesn't work, as the last three haven't, I am in good enough shape to remember to return it. I guess I have a pair of scissors for the vehicle now. Then fifteen minutes snipping and taping the packages and labels. Then I went driving blind. I couldn't remember where the UPS office and drop box were. I remembered the office, or a general idea of where it was, just in time to turn. A little hunt and peck and bingo. Easy, just drop and go. No papers to fill out, nothing to sign, nothing to pay. Nice!
Then on to another task. I haven't used the new glasses I purchased. It is usually messy, changing glasses. Headaches, blurry vision for a while, and... I just hate doing it. And they have to be adjusted, usually. So I grabbed the unused new pair and headed in, untried. When I got in, I opened the box, tried them on, but they fit as if they had been made for my face. I did ask about bifocals, as the eye doc had measured for that. Hmm, on my own, progressives, the total tag would be $500-$600... Okay, not up for that. That is my quarter beef. For now I would rather have my quarter beef. Ugh. After that, a trip to my bank. I withdrew enough for the the cost of the hog, a bit of walking around money, and some change for a cash drawer. I'm trying to remember to add a little cash to my home reserves each month. Gotta track that closely. If I get to a certain point, and silver has slid to my buy price, I will begin considering trading this for that, so long as I have enough this left for a comfort zone.
I then called my friend. He wanted a router, so we went looking for one. He rents, but the cost of a router is less than a year of rent, so he bought one. Then to lunch. Then I left him off at his place. I forgot groceries... still, not bad. And, on the way home, I did remember to pay for the hog. I told my friend I would be in either Saturday or Monday. Depending on weather and my condition. All in all, at 17:00, it's been a very good day. I may need a day or three off. Or perhaps this was just what I needed to get going again? I never quite really know.
Yes, I can make reality. I just can't always purely make it whole cloth. The question is, has an ember ignited, and will it last. A little breath can do much with even a humble spark. I will see, I suppose. Later.
A song that seems to agree.
.
.
Don't... concern yourself. This is mostly something, a song, that found me. I wasn't looking, didn't actually want to click, but... here we are. A song that describes what has been being passed back and forth in posts and comments, or may add... illumination. Best not go looking. You probably won't understand anyway. At one time, it was this type that I sought. A new voice called, a door either opened or was realized, and things changed, a new way was found. I remember. Sisters, of a sort, of a dark sort. I knew some of these. Sometimes I sought this type, sometimes I hid from them. I remember well.
.
Don't... concern yourself. This is mostly something, a song, that found me. I wasn't looking, didn't actually want to click, but... here we are. A song that describes what has been being passed back and forth in posts and comments, or may add... illumination. Best not go looking. You probably won't understand anyway. At one time, it was this type that I sought. A new voice called, a door either opened or was realized, and things changed, a new way was found. I remember. Sisters, of a sort, of a dark sort. I knew some of these. Sometimes I sought this type, sometimes I hid from them. I remember well.
A good lad, plus sunshine.
.
.
The sun is doing everything it can to shine. Partial cloud cover is just shading a bit. Much brighter today than yesterday, if not quite so bright as two days ago... I think? A pleasure though, as I showered and tinkered. I forgot that to reuse a box, the old labels must be removed. My last showed me a trick with those. Dampening a cloth in hot water, then setting it on top of the label. I just... think that sounds like too much work. Yes, I have seen her do it, and it works, at least for her. I just spend an half hour tweezing, slicing, pulling, and cussing instead of about the same amount of time wetting a cloth and waiting for that to work. I still prefer my way. It's more manly!
It's just past 8:45. I have time to write a letter, and actually write a thank you card. I have finally decided what to get my brother, but it will have to wait until next month. Emergency food, just a small stock of a variety for them to try. No, it isn't haute cuisine. But it is darn nice to have on hand for any sort of emergency. It isn't cheap, either. While not the tastiest stuff on the planet, for a short run hunger will add all the spices needed. Easy enough to fix, just hot water. I sent my mother some, though I think she learned why not to eat it regularly on her own. Oh, I could have warned. She wouldn't have listened. She's family, I know these things. Same with my brother, probably. He'll learn too. :) Poop? No poop. Eat in moderation, that's all I have to say. Still, it might even get him to think about other things. Water storage, a backup heater, little things. I do try to open doors.
It's always a bit rough and tumble this part of the year. I have actually been doing pretty good, with all the givens. The sun helps immensely. Though I do crash, it is on a fairly short basis, and not horribly. Not for weeks or months, just a week or two. The crash isn't so deep that I don't have a day or night, that I forget to eat, that I don't keep up on domestics at least a bit. Life is getting better. Heading toward much better. If we get powder down here, or before long maybe otherwise, I would like to try out the snowshoes. Hmm... Yeah, another week or two, and if nothing gives, I may find a place higher up to get out and play. A pack, the camera maybe, and a bit of time. On a sunny day. I ought to experiment with them here at home first. Yeah... that's a plan, a goal. It might even happen.
I best get the letter written, checks made out, boxes set up... I need the right kind of clear tape though to finish the packages rightly. Then to get dressed and be on my way. It's looking pretty good. Later.
.
The sun is doing everything it can to shine. Partial cloud cover is just shading a bit. Much brighter today than yesterday, if not quite so bright as two days ago... I think? A pleasure though, as I showered and tinkered. I forgot that to reuse a box, the old labels must be removed. My last showed me a trick with those. Dampening a cloth in hot water, then setting it on top of the label. I just... think that sounds like too much work. Yes, I have seen her do it, and it works, at least for her. I just spend an half hour tweezing, slicing, pulling, and cussing instead of about the same amount of time wetting a cloth and waiting for that to work. I still prefer my way. It's more manly!
It's just past 8:45. I have time to write a letter, and actually write a thank you card. I have finally decided what to get my brother, but it will have to wait until next month. Emergency food, just a small stock of a variety for them to try. No, it isn't haute cuisine. But it is darn nice to have on hand for any sort of emergency. It isn't cheap, either. While not the tastiest stuff on the planet, for a short run hunger will add all the spices needed. Easy enough to fix, just hot water. I sent my mother some, though I think she learned why not to eat it regularly on her own. Oh, I could have warned. She wouldn't have listened. She's family, I know these things. Same with my brother, probably. He'll learn too. :) Poop? No poop. Eat in moderation, that's all I have to say. Still, it might even get him to think about other things. Water storage, a backup heater, little things. I do try to open doors.
It's always a bit rough and tumble this part of the year. I have actually been doing pretty good, with all the givens. The sun helps immensely. Though I do crash, it is on a fairly short basis, and not horribly. Not for weeks or months, just a week or two. The crash isn't so deep that I don't have a day or night, that I forget to eat, that I don't keep up on domestics at least a bit. Life is getting better. Heading toward much better. If we get powder down here, or before long maybe otherwise, I would like to try out the snowshoes. Hmm... Yeah, another week or two, and if nothing gives, I may find a place higher up to get out and play. A pack, the camera maybe, and a bit of time. On a sunny day. I ought to experiment with them here at home first. Yeah... that's a plan, a goal. It might even happen.
I best get the letter written, checks made out, boxes set up... I need the right kind of clear tape though to finish the packages rightly. Then to get dressed and be on my way. It's looking pretty good. Later.
A start.
.
.
First I need to find boxes that would contain what is to be returned. And, so I did. A bit of packing was required with each, so that was attended. Then I had to figure out which return label should go with which package. That too was done. There is another package to be returned, but that will have to wait until I can get to a printer and print out the return label. Just little things, but these have taken some effort, just of mind, focus. Next I hope to write a letter, with specific details, write a check, and have that ready to be sent. Then a shower. On the way to town I will pay for the hog that is now at the butcher shop being... reassembled into good eats. :)
I won't be going to town for at least another three hours. The letter shouldn't take long, and the shower should take about the same amount of time. If I shower right away, I might be able to air dry my feet. I hate putting freshly showered feet right into socks, then shoes. It gets too damp. Still, sometimes, you have to do what you have to do. Not today, I hope. That will care for most of what was on my list. Ah, but a call. Omaha Steaks forgot part of my purchase. Rather than waiting, I think I will just have them refund my card. Better off, anyway. When I ordered, I misread their description. The cost was not worth the product. I hope they don't give me too much of a headache about it. I can call while waiting to head out.
I am feeling okay. Not as good as the last few days. Which is fine. I would rather feel a little down than be incapable of action. Sometimes I think I actually work better when not feeling as well, up to a point. A minor headache that, just because of what I need to track, I may take some painkillers to treat. That brain twist is still there a bit. And, of course, I am tired. Not tired enough for a nap, as I had hoped. Just couldn't go there. Still, I think I should be able to push through today. Probably. As I said, if nothing else I will get the due on the pig to the seller. I already feel a bit off not having that done already. No choice, but still... Big business I don't worry about so much. Private small business I prefer to be ahead, not behind, with regards to debt.
Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to it. I just wish I could get a couple months off.
Later.
.
First I need to find boxes that would contain what is to be returned. And, so I did. A bit of packing was required with each, so that was attended. Then I had to figure out which return label should go with which package. That too was done. There is another package to be returned, but that will have to wait until I can get to a printer and print out the return label. Just little things, but these have taken some effort, just of mind, focus. Next I hope to write a letter, with specific details, write a check, and have that ready to be sent. Then a shower. On the way to town I will pay for the hog that is now at the butcher shop being... reassembled into good eats. :)
I won't be going to town for at least another three hours. The letter shouldn't take long, and the shower should take about the same amount of time. If I shower right away, I might be able to air dry my feet. I hate putting freshly showered feet right into socks, then shoes. It gets too damp. Still, sometimes, you have to do what you have to do. Not today, I hope. That will care for most of what was on my list. Ah, but a call. Omaha Steaks forgot part of my purchase. Rather than waiting, I think I will just have them refund my card. Better off, anyway. When I ordered, I misread their description. The cost was not worth the product. I hope they don't give me too much of a headache about it. I can call while waiting to head out.
I am feeling okay. Not as good as the last few days. Which is fine. I would rather feel a little down than be incapable of action. Sometimes I think I actually work better when not feeling as well, up to a point. A minor headache that, just because of what I need to track, I may take some painkillers to treat. That brain twist is still there a bit. And, of course, I am tired. Not tired enough for a nap, as I had hoped. Just couldn't go there. Still, I think I should be able to push through today. Probably. As I said, if nothing else I will get the due on the pig to the seller. I already feel a bit off not having that done already. No choice, but still... Big business I don't worry about so much. Private small business I prefer to be ahead, not behind, with regards to debt.
Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to it. I just wish I could get a couple months off.
Later.
Another crash.
.
.
Oh, sure, I had full intent. The thing is, at about the time I wrote the last blog, I began to crash. Full sun might have helped me get beyond that. There was no sun. I kept trying, losing ground all the way. I reconfigured the goal from doing all of that to just staying awake as long as I could. I put on a show, to help. It kept me awake for a few more hours, but barely. I am not even sure what time I did go to bed. I think it was after 14:00, maybe as late at 15:00. I won't swear to any of that, just a suspicion from a few clues, themselves rusted by exhaustion. I am not sure when I woke, either. Only that I was hungry. So... breakfast. An unusual one, shrimp scampi and the last of the extra potatoes I grilled while heating the grill for the steak. I had thought to use them in one of the quiches, but between this and that, they hadn't been used. Frozen. I thawed several things the other day, those among them. Scampi is easy and delicious.
Today, though, I must get out. I will begin doing some of what is required through the night. I need to get the things to be returned packaged, a letter and check written, and another check written. I will probably get a shower in, and maybe set some dishes to wash and laundry going. It's a tall order. I am still pretty tired. Pushing the schedule around is not easy, and though I didn't make it as late today as yesterday, I still pushed nearly three quarters of the shift the last two days. Those are very big jumps. Still, that's the plan. If nothing else, I will at least get a check out tomorrow. Gotta do it.
Oh, right... coffee. I need a couple of tugs of the black goo or I will end up back in bed. I might try to nap at 5:00 or 6:00 either way. Ugh... this is an ugly part of my life. I'm working on it. Later.
.
Oh, sure, I had full intent. The thing is, at about the time I wrote the last blog, I began to crash. Full sun might have helped me get beyond that. There was no sun. I kept trying, losing ground all the way. I reconfigured the goal from doing all of that to just staying awake as long as I could. I put on a show, to help. It kept me awake for a few more hours, but barely. I am not even sure what time I did go to bed. I think it was after 14:00, maybe as late at 15:00. I won't swear to any of that, just a suspicion from a few clues, themselves rusted by exhaustion. I am not sure when I woke, either. Only that I was hungry. So... breakfast. An unusual one, shrimp scampi and the last of the extra potatoes I grilled while heating the grill for the steak. I had thought to use them in one of the quiches, but between this and that, they hadn't been used. Frozen. I thawed several things the other day, those among them. Scampi is easy and delicious.
Today, though, I must get out. I will begin doing some of what is required through the night. I need to get the things to be returned packaged, a letter and check written, and another check written. I will probably get a shower in, and maybe set some dishes to wash and laundry going. It's a tall order. I am still pretty tired. Pushing the schedule around is not easy, and though I didn't make it as late today as yesterday, I still pushed nearly three quarters of the shift the last two days. Those are very big jumps. Still, that's the plan. If nothing else, I will at least get a check out tomorrow. Gotta do it.
Oh, right... coffee. I need a couple of tugs of the black goo or I will end up back in bed. I might try to nap at 5:00 or 6:00 either way. Ugh... this is an ugly part of my life. I'm working on it. Later.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
No sun.
.
.
But no fog. A usual winter day, with enough light to make it worth opening the curtains. It's not much light. A lot more than fog was allowing. I'll take it. The drive is in pretty good shape between what I did and what the sun added on that day. Yeah, it could be better. I won't do anything to it though. I just don't have what it would take. I will get some things done today. Probably not everything on the list. A couple of returns, perhaps one letter, a check written and delivered, a bit of grocery shopping, and... not sure what else. Then I need to revise my list and get done what I can tomorrow. No sun, pushing my day around, and doing what I will do will test my resolve.
A shower, shortly. Then to get a the letter written and that, then to put the boxes together for returns, then off to where I need to go. I've been meaning to get started for three hours now. I suppose I ought to get to it. Hmm... I'm starting to get hungry. I'll hold off until I get most of this done, then call my friend. He's probably getting a bit stir-crazy himself, after the fog.
Best get going. Later.
.
But no fog. A usual winter day, with enough light to make it worth opening the curtains. It's not much light. A lot more than fog was allowing. I'll take it. The drive is in pretty good shape between what I did and what the sun added on that day. Yeah, it could be better. I won't do anything to it though. I just don't have what it would take. I will get some things done today. Probably not everything on the list. A couple of returns, perhaps one letter, a check written and delivered, a bit of grocery shopping, and... not sure what else. Then I need to revise my list and get done what I can tomorrow. No sun, pushing my day around, and doing what I will do will test my resolve.
A shower, shortly. Then to get a the letter written and that, then to put the boxes together for returns, then off to where I need to go. I've been meaning to get started for three hours now. I suppose I ought to get to it. Hmm... I'm starting to get hungry. I'll hold off until I get most of this done, then call my friend. He's probably getting a bit stir-crazy himself, after the fog.
Best get going. Later.
Twisting in the wind.
.
.
Not a bad thing, less so when the twisting is sought and within control. There is no such thing as complete control. Much as with driving a vehicle. You are in control, to a degree. But if you want to stop instantly while driving 60 mph, you know you cant. However, if you need to stop, over time and with experience, you do learn how to arrange that. As well, while you control direction, that isn't perfect. You realize a bump in the road, a curve, and some other things, along with the loose variability in the steering system, makes it so that you really only have a general, but good enough, control. So it goes with my efforts.
I was able to stay awake until 16:00, give or take an half hour. The sunshine was probably the single factor that allowed for it. I didn't wake until around 2:00, also give or take an half hour. While I woke easily, and well, for that initial part of getting out of bed, I have been only just this side of being awake. Not a worrisome thing, given the extra long day yesterday and the extent of my physical efforts. Just getting the snowblower to kick over was a serious effort. I need to run it in the summer, from time to time, and probably find out where and how to grease it, and check the oil. Then again, when it has been cold, sometimes it will just be a difficult task. Running it was rather brutal, with the snow being so wet. And the bit of sweeping, hitting certain areas a bit more closely, was also a rather heavy task. My lungs are still burning. Not from the cold, but from the push. All good.
I just wish I could keep on top of it, and expand my capacity a bit. Too easy to just sit, with the condition. But more, difficult to think through to effort. Well, and kicking over my engine opens some doors that are brutal. It's like releasing a beast. This I know. Letting the beast free, through excessive effort, was part of why I became what I did. So some care must be given in opening that cage. I'll figure it out, or not.
Breakfast was made not long ago. I am trying to find just the right amount to eat so that I don't feel too full or remain too hungry. Three small eggs, two pieces of bacon, and a potato this morning. It's actually still a bit much, if the whole potato is a rare add. Half the potato might be best, or the equivalent. I am hoping to mess with making pancakes and eventually waffles. Neither of the pans I have are quite the right size for a single omelet, so that is on a back burner. Getting good at these things, then portion control, is a beginning. Then to figure out how to keep a meal or three in the fridge, and a new one or two per day. I need calories, and some of the other stuff, if I am going to more fully dig out. But digging out I am.
Today? A few calls, a letter, a few returns to UPS, a check to a farmer, grocery shopping, and visiting a friend. As well, I may see how the driveway is, and perhaps tidy it. I won't be heading out until late morning. so there will be some time for the sun to, maybe, ease my task by melting some of it away. Other than that, probably not a lot. Then again, that is a lot of work, concentration, and odd and new efforts. It will probably take everything I have, and then some, to get these tasks done. Hmm... and maybe a call, either today or tomorrow, about the faucet, and how to return it for work. I really want a kitchen faucet, and this particular design.
Later.
.
Not a bad thing, less so when the twisting is sought and within control. There is no such thing as complete control. Much as with driving a vehicle. You are in control, to a degree. But if you want to stop instantly while driving 60 mph, you know you cant. However, if you need to stop, over time and with experience, you do learn how to arrange that. As well, while you control direction, that isn't perfect. You realize a bump in the road, a curve, and some other things, along with the loose variability in the steering system, makes it so that you really only have a general, but good enough, control. So it goes with my efforts.
I was able to stay awake until 16:00, give or take an half hour. The sunshine was probably the single factor that allowed for it. I didn't wake until around 2:00, also give or take an half hour. While I woke easily, and well, for that initial part of getting out of bed, I have been only just this side of being awake. Not a worrisome thing, given the extra long day yesterday and the extent of my physical efforts. Just getting the snowblower to kick over was a serious effort. I need to run it in the summer, from time to time, and probably find out where and how to grease it, and check the oil. Then again, when it has been cold, sometimes it will just be a difficult task. Running it was rather brutal, with the snow being so wet. And the bit of sweeping, hitting certain areas a bit more closely, was also a rather heavy task. My lungs are still burning. Not from the cold, but from the push. All good.
I just wish I could keep on top of it, and expand my capacity a bit. Too easy to just sit, with the condition. But more, difficult to think through to effort. Well, and kicking over my engine opens some doors that are brutal. It's like releasing a beast. This I know. Letting the beast free, through excessive effort, was part of why I became what I did. So some care must be given in opening that cage. I'll figure it out, or not.
Breakfast was made not long ago. I am trying to find just the right amount to eat so that I don't feel too full or remain too hungry. Three small eggs, two pieces of bacon, and a potato this morning. It's actually still a bit much, if the whole potato is a rare add. Half the potato might be best, or the equivalent. I am hoping to mess with making pancakes and eventually waffles. Neither of the pans I have are quite the right size for a single omelet, so that is on a back burner. Getting good at these things, then portion control, is a beginning. Then to figure out how to keep a meal or three in the fridge, and a new one or two per day. I need calories, and some of the other stuff, if I am going to more fully dig out. But digging out I am.
Today? A few calls, a letter, a few returns to UPS, a check to a farmer, grocery shopping, and visiting a friend. As well, I may see how the driveway is, and perhaps tidy it. I won't be heading out until late morning. so there will be some time for the sun to, maybe, ease my task by melting some of it away. Other than that, probably not a lot. Then again, that is a lot of work, concentration, and odd and new efforts. It will probably take everything I have, and then some, to get these tasks done. Hmm... and maybe a call, either today or tomorrow, about the faucet, and how to return it for work. I really want a kitchen faucet, and this particular design.
Later.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
To town is out, shower is out.
.
.
I about blew a gasket just getting the machine started. Then, running the machine was a bear. Wet snow indeed. Thankfully it had not frozen. More, since I removed much of it, the sun looks to be attempting to finish the job. Busted me down though. I overdid by a lot. Oh, and I am up three and an half hours beyond my best effort in weeks. Sweating and huffing, but it was a lot of work. But, that is it for today. I might watch a couple episodes of the Bab 5 series, I am almost threw them, again. Well, it's something to watch, do, while I limp back into my pole position.
I love it when I work like that. I just wish I could do it for more than an half hour to forty five minutes. I liked when I could do this for hours. Full throttle, bust a nut, jump until you fly, all out. What I did today wouldn't have counted, and wouldn't have taken nearly that long. But... given my condition, that I can push until I'm throwing off heat like a wood burning stove, sweating like onions in a hot pan, and thumping like bad weather was on the way... I'll take it. Plus, the drive is done, mostly. What remains is too thin for the snowblower, too wet for the broom, and too little for the scoop. So... I just have to hope the sun will get it. I have done what I can.
Tomorrow, hopefully, I'll be able to get out. I have a bill to pay, some returns to make, some shopping to do, and perhaps a bit of business to attend. Oh, but I might be able to make a few phone calls today. Crap but it piles up when you are down for a while. On the good side, I actually notice that there is a pile, and I am pretty sure I'll... get to it as quickly as I can. Not bad. Oh, well, might as well take a shower, once I cool down and stop burning.
Later. Later? Nah, good night.
.
I about blew a gasket just getting the machine started. Then, running the machine was a bear. Wet snow indeed. Thankfully it had not frozen. More, since I removed much of it, the sun looks to be attempting to finish the job. Busted me down though. I overdid by a lot. Oh, and I am up three and an half hours beyond my best effort in weeks. Sweating and huffing, but it was a lot of work. But, that is it for today. I might watch a couple episodes of the Bab 5 series, I am almost threw them, again. Well, it's something to watch, do, while I limp back into my pole position.
I love it when I work like that. I just wish I could do it for more than an half hour to forty five minutes. I liked when I could do this for hours. Full throttle, bust a nut, jump until you fly, all out. What I did today wouldn't have counted, and wouldn't have taken nearly that long. But... given my condition, that I can push until I'm throwing off heat like a wood burning stove, sweating like onions in a hot pan, and thumping like bad weather was on the way... I'll take it. Plus, the drive is done, mostly. What remains is too thin for the snowblower, too wet for the broom, and too little for the scoop. So... I just have to hope the sun will get it. I have done what I can.
Tomorrow, hopefully, I'll be able to get out. I have a bill to pay, some returns to make, some shopping to do, and perhaps a bit of business to attend. Oh, but I might be able to make a few phone calls today. Crap but it piles up when you are down for a while. On the good side, I actually notice that there is a pile, and I am pretty sure I'll... get to it as quickly as I can. Not bad. Oh, well, might as well take a shower, once I cool down and stop burning.
Later. Later? Nah, good night.
Sunshine!
.
.
Yeah, and I'm really liking it. I am already still awake later than yesterday, and without dragging my butt over the time line. Yesterday I was in a psychic wasteland by... 8:00, perhaps earlier. I am pretty sure I can get to snow removal yet this morning. Whether I can then get a shower and get to town is another question. I won't know the answer to that until I finish the drive and spits of walkway. At least I am sure I can hit the snow removal. If the broom doesn't work, I may have to get the snowblower going. I just hope it hasn't frozen up. It seems that it was rather wet snow this time.
If I can't get to town, I will at least get a shower in. I love being healthier these last few months. Even when I go down, I shower four to six times a week, mostly. I've always got clean clothes, if I do push that just a bit from time to time. And I have been getting better at not just eating, but beginning to lower per meal consumption. Eating often enough means I can eat less, and my body doesn't drive me into... well... gorging. Starve the body for a week or two, then tease it with a morsel, and you end up with an eating machine. Not good, none of it, for any aspect. This is changing. That runaway horse is coming under control. Plus, it's been fun to cook once in while... which also means dishes are being done enough to cook as well. A different world, slowly improving, year over year, if sometimes with short to medium term falls.
Well, I suppose I ought to get out and see how much trouble snow removal will be. I'll just listen to a few tunes while finishing coffee, then hit it. Later.
.
Yeah, and I'm really liking it. I am already still awake later than yesterday, and without dragging my butt over the time line. Yesterday I was in a psychic wasteland by... 8:00, perhaps earlier. I am pretty sure I can get to snow removal yet this morning. Whether I can then get a shower and get to town is another question. I won't know the answer to that until I finish the drive and spits of walkway. At least I am sure I can hit the snow removal. If the broom doesn't work, I may have to get the snowblower going. I just hope it hasn't frozen up. It seems that it was rather wet snow this time.
If I can't get to town, I will at least get a shower in. I love being healthier these last few months. Even when I go down, I shower four to six times a week, mostly. I've always got clean clothes, if I do push that just a bit from time to time. And I have been getting better at not just eating, but beginning to lower per meal consumption. Eating often enough means I can eat less, and my body doesn't drive me into... well... gorging. Starve the body for a week or two, then tease it with a morsel, and you end up with an eating machine. Not good, none of it, for any aspect. This is changing. That runaway horse is coming under control. Plus, it's been fun to cook once in while... which also means dishes are being done enough to cook as well. A different world, slowly improving, year over year, if sometimes with short to medium term falls.
Well, I suppose I ought to get out and see how much trouble snow removal will be. I'll just listen to a few tunes while finishing coffee, then hit it. Later.
Well but down.
.
.
I feel good. The headache left early on, if the strange sensation about the brain remains. I don't think that has anything to do with anything else. I simply can't get going. I did make a couple of slices of bacon, two eggs, and fried potatoes. Just enough to say I had a second meal. I can't seem to get much coffee down. Just a cup so far. And I haven't found myself to clearing the driveway. Not yet, that is. I still hope to get to that.
I turned up the heat. I can't get warm, if I don't feel cold either. When that happens, I assume it is probably illness... the heart just isn't kicking over. There isn't enough blood flow. It happens from time to time. The lack of sun is also a part of it. I think those are the sole problems, at this point.
A man I have met, and a close relative of friends, is in very dire condition. I keep thinking about what to say, how to say it. I am sure he has tried to live life as correctly as he knows how. He has many children, and his wife is there with him. It is not easy. I keep them in my prayers. I try not to say the wrong things. But you know me by now. I say what I do. His sons are building his coffin, the family has gathered, and nearly all have been able to see him, save one son. The hope is that he will get that chance. While a dark day is drawing near for the family, a good day is coming near for him. And, as the darkness gathers, so too the light, even for the family. Working together, seeing each other as well, paying respects and more. It is difficult to not wish them joy even as they prepare to possibly mourn. But I do, as I hope it is taken correctly. Watching as a man prepares to leave this world, but become king again for a short time, is a wondrous thing. I wonder if he realizes what he is seeing? I am sure he will recognize it again, in his time, and their time.
I ought to... figure out how to get going. Another cup of joe, but what else. I simply can't seem to get going. I don't know if a trip to town is possible either, even if I clear the snow. I'll keep my focus on snow removal and a trip to town, and when it happens, it happens. Later.
.
I feel good. The headache left early on, if the strange sensation about the brain remains. I don't think that has anything to do with anything else. I simply can't get going. I did make a couple of slices of bacon, two eggs, and fried potatoes. Just enough to say I had a second meal. I can't seem to get much coffee down. Just a cup so far. And I haven't found myself to clearing the driveway. Not yet, that is. I still hope to get to that.
I turned up the heat. I can't get warm, if I don't feel cold either. When that happens, I assume it is probably illness... the heart just isn't kicking over. There isn't enough blood flow. It happens from time to time. The lack of sun is also a part of it. I think those are the sole problems, at this point.
A man I have met, and a close relative of friends, is in very dire condition. I keep thinking about what to say, how to say it. I am sure he has tried to live life as correctly as he knows how. He has many children, and his wife is there with him. It is not easy. I keep them in my prayers. I try not to say the wrong things. But you know me by now. I say what I do. His sons are building his coffin, the family has gathered, and nearly all have been able to see him, save one son. The hope is that he will get that chance. While a dark day is drawing near for the family, a good day is coming near for him. And, as the darkness gathers, so too the light, even for the family. Working together, seeing each other as well, paying respects and more. It is difficult to not wish them joy even as they prepare to possibly mourn. But I do, as I hope it is taken correctly. Watching as a man prepares to leave this world, but become king again for a short time, is a wondrous thing. I wonder if he realizes what he is seeing? I am sure he will recognize it again, in his time, and their time.
I ought to... figure out how to get going. Another cup of joe, but what else. I simply can't seem to get going. I don't know if a trip to town is possible either, even if I clear the snow. I'll keep my focus on snow removal and a trip to town, and when it happens, it happens. Later.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Snow removal?
.
.
Yeah, well, we'll see. There is a bit of snow. I may try to sweep, if I can get to it. I turned the heat up, took medicine, but I haven't had coffee yet today. Yeah, a couple of loads of the dark brew might help.
It's just a rough day. I don't feel bad, the headache is gone. I procrastinated just long enough that I didn't end up taking painkillers while the pain has faded, mostly, and quickly enough that the need left before the task was done. I just don't have much in me. I need to figure something out, I need to get to town tomorrow. Fresh onions, milk, and a few other things. Plus, I ought to get my friend out. If I have cabin fever, he might have it worse. Dang kids! :)
Yes, odd thoughts have been on my mind, haunting my dreams, and such. Perhaps all just stories my mind is playing with. Perhaps truths, pure and simple. Perhaps something I am going through on my simple humble path toward heaven. Things I must consider, a past life to be turned over to Another, thoughts and concerns being struggled with in an imaginative way. Know? I know nothing. I suspect a few things, I wonder about some more, and I see shadowy things a bit farther out than those. Dim is the glass through which we see. We do know nothing. Reason and faith, the pair of shoes that allow one to travel to where one will go. One alone will make the trip far more perilous.
Why my mind drifts to where it slides, why at this time or that, I don't know. I am barely conscious, sometimes, of what I have put out. What I write is not exactly conscious thought. It isn't something I time. It just happens. If I can restrain or loose with some small choice. The first song in the most recent set I have known about for some time. I buried it, hoping it would go away. I didn't think some would understand. It is quite convoluted. I see, but some will not, cannot. Still, all at once, a number of things came together, and it tumbled out. Not a mere puppet, but... a tool, at times. I pray that it is God's hands which control those strings. While it might seem terrible, I think many have a very odd construction of what and who God really is. Wrong, in both directions, at times. I do not claim to know God, but I see that others have less of an understanding is all. Hard, but completely forgiving. Angry, but not as He is unchanging. Loving to His death, and yet quite able to destroy. And yet, in another way, none of that. He just Is. As I said, I don't completely understand, but I do contemplate. As you are able to eliminate horror, want and lust, doubt, fear, you get closer to Him. But you may need to crawl on hands and knees over broken glass to do so. Never mind.
Oh, right... coffee. I hated the stuff until I hit about 30 years of age. Then I needed it. Now? It just... helps... a very little. Take what you can get. Hmm... that makes me think of another thing. Perhaps a nap in a couple of hours, in the hopes that I can push through to getting to town and stretch my day further into, well, the day. Later.
.
Yeah, well, we'll see. There is a bit of snow. I may try to sweep, if I can get to it. I turned the heat up, took medicine, but I haven't had coffee yet today. Yeah, a couple of loads of the dark brew might help.
It's just a rough day. I don't feel bad, the headache is gone. I procrastinated just long enough that I didn't end up taking painkillers while the pain has faded, mostly, and quickly enough that the need left before the task was done. I just don't have much in me. I need to figure something out, I need to get to town tomorrow. Fresh onions, milk, and a few other things. Plus, I ought to get my friend out. If I have cabin fever, he might have it worse. Dang kids! :)
Yes, odd thoughts have been on my mind, haunting my dreams, and such. Perhaps all just stories my mind is playing with. Perhaps truths, pure and simple. Perhaps something I am going through on my simple humble path toward heaven. Things I must consider, a past life to be turned over to Another, thoughts and concerns being struggled with in an imaginative way. Know? I know nothing. I suspect a few things, I wonder about some more, and I see shadowy things a bit farther out than those. Dim is the glass through which we see. We do know nothing. Reason and faith, the pair of shoes that allow one to travel to where one will go. One alone will make the trip far more perilous.
Why my mind drifts to where it slides, why at this time or that, I don't know. I am barely conscious, sometimes, of what I have put out. What I write is not exactly conscious thought. It isn't something I time. It just happens. If I can restrain or loose with some small choice. The first song in the most recent set I have known about for some time. I buried it, hoping it would go away. I didn't think some would understand. It is quite convoluted. I see, but some will not, cannot. Still, all at once, a number of things came together, and it tumbled out. Not a mere puppet, but... a tool, at times. I pray that it is God's hands which control those strings. While it might seem terrible, I think many have a very odd construction of what and who God really is. Wrong, in both directions, at times. I do not claim to know God, but I see that others have less of an understanding is all. Hard, but completely forgiving. Angry, but not as He is unchanging. Loving to His death, and yet quite able to destroy. And yet, in another way, none of that. He just Is. As I said, I don't completely understand, but I do contemplate. As you are able to eliminate horror, want and lust, doubt, fear, you get closer to Him. But you may need to crawl on hands and knees over broken glass to do so. Never mind.
Oh, right... coffee. I hated the stuff until I hit about 30 years of age. Then I needed it. Now? It just... helps... a very little. Take what you can get. Hmm... that makes me think of another thing. Perhaps a nap in a couple of hours, in the hopes that I can push through to getting to town and stretch my day further into, well, the day. Later.
My timing often sucks.
.
.
Well, and I can be blind to the left, right, sometimes from both eyes.
A recent post came together at the wrong time. As I have suggested though, writing happens as it does. One might as well be angry that the sun came up and woke you, before you were ready to wake. While that may be true, it isn't even the fullness, or partial fullness, of truth, not even for the one who experiences it.
Further, as I suggested, I can be blind. I don't see, hear, feel, or think, sometimes. I have friends who are blind to the ways of the world, others who are blind to the ways of women, others who no nothing of war. My blindness is to what humanity I might have. I don't see, understand, that that trampling through delicate flowers, at times when those are most cherished, causes harm.
As each of you nears death, you will know this thing. Often there is great forgiveness afforded those who are obviously at some points in their life. My state is not obvious. More, it comes and goes. So I have learned forgiveness myself, and understanding, and regret. I merely hope those who feel harmed may find a way to forgive my flailing blunders. And... understand that the call to write, certain things, comes from something far stronger and well above my ability to resist. As a cough, it happens because certain conditions exist which require the function. The more one tries to tamp it down, the more certain and heavier the response may end up being. I did try to hold off, then it blew threw me like wind through a shattered door.
I know, dark things. Things you probably don't understand. As I suggested in a comment, imagine a cosmic undercover cop. But one plucked from among the crooks by conscience, then returned to do certain tasks. No, you probably won't ever fully understand. For what I came from is as much worse than criminal as angels are above cops, and of a different order and understand as that difference. So many risks to putting on the old colors and riding the range with lost brothers, even for their sake and for the sake of righteousness. So easy to forget, or be found out, or even hold true but fail. These notions have little to do with anything in this life, mostly, or time.
I am finally at peace with the dreams, visions, notions, and such. I do have faith that what must be, will be, and will succeed. Not because of me. Just a tool, if a redeemed one. I suspect I will have a good little remainder of life, twenty, maybe forty years, unless it all falls. Which is a possibility itself. Then, for me as with all others, all bets are off. Two different times, almost two different lives. But... just dreams, stories, thoughts. Pay no heed, and take no concern. Do as you should and this will have little to do with you. I am just... tinkering with some things... trying to see what the dimly seen shadows and writings mean.
Be well. You know how. Heal thyself until the greater Healer can make new.
.
Well, and I can be blind to the left, right, sometimes from both eyes.
A recent post came together at the wrong time. As I have suggested though, writing happens as it does. One might as well be angry that the sun came up and woke you, before you were ready to wake. While that may be true, it isn't even the fullness, or partial fullness, of truth, not even for the one who experiences it.
Further, as I suggested, I can be blind. I don't see, hear, feel, or think, sometimes. I have friends who are blind to the ways of the world, others who are blind to the ways of women, others who no nothing of war. My blindness is to what humanity I might have. I don't see, understand, that that trampling through delicate flowers, at times when those are most cherished, causes harm.
As each of you nears death, you will know this thing. Often there is great forgiveness afforded those who are obviously at some points in their life. My state is not obvious. More, it comes and goes. So I have learned forgiveness myself, and understanding, and regret. I merely hope those who feel harmed may find a way to forgive my flailing blunders. And... understand that the call to write, certain things, comes from something far stronger and well above my ability to resist. As a cough, it happens because certain conditions exist which require the function. The more one tries to tamp it down, the more certain and heavier the response may end up being. I did try to hold off, then it blew threw me like wind through a shattered door.
I know, dark things. Things you probably don't understand. As I suggested in a comment, imagine a cosmic undercover cop. But one plucked from among the crooks by conscience, then returned to do certain tasks. No, you probably won't ever fully understand. For what I came from is as much worse than criminal as angels are above cops, and of a different order and understand as that difference. So many risks to putting on the old colors and riding the range with lost brothers, even for their sake and for the sake of righteousness. So easy to forget, or be found out, or even hold true but fail. These notions have little to do with anything in this life, mostly, or time.
I am finally at peace with the dreams, visions, notions, and such. I do have faith that what must be, will be, and will succeed. Not because of me. Just a tool, if a redeemed one. I suspect I will have a good little remainder of life, twenty, maybe forty years, unless it all falls. Which is a possibility itself. Then, for me as with all others, all bets are off. Two different times, almost two different lives. But... just dreams, stories, thoughts. Pay no heed, and take no concern. Do as you should and this will have little to do with you. I am just... tinkering with some things... trying to see what the dimly seen shadows and writings mean.
Be well. You know how. Heal thyself until the greater Healer can make new.
I'll keep trying.
.
.
It's still foggy. Snowing, now, actually. That might be a good sign. It means weather has moved in, a new type. Which could be the prelude to another change. It reminds me of being on a submarine, lately. Only, this one has a screen door and windows. I tried to push this morning. I had hoped to stay awake until noon or even early afternoon. I only made it to between 10:00 and 11:00. I crashed hard enough that I may have sprained my fall. I cut insulin by 50%, after cutting it by 25% initially. It is still much stronger than the vial I had been using. So, again, when I woke, a headache. Just a little one... comparatively. A normal headache versus a migraine, in magnitude. It does hurt, but usual headaches don't require intervention. Besides, it is fading on it's own. Sluggish, though, too. Between the lack of sunshine, insulin, and even that mild attempt at pushing my schedule, I hit a wall. I feel good otherwise. The sun will eventually return.
Today? I have no idea. I am hoping to, possibly, hit the laundry, do a few more dishes, clean the kitchen a bit, and then hit the living room. It sounds like a lot, but it really isn't. The dishes, because of how I do them, and the laundry, would be the bigger chores. The rest is just... bits and pieces. I did remember to change out half of the cat litter, get the trash out, cook a meal last night. But that was about it. I am mostly bottom heavy and slow moving. Anything I get done is almost a thing of luck. Right place at the right time to see need enough to be fired up enough to get it done. It bugs me when I can't just go looking for 'trouble'. I like to work.
The shoes are in. Right size too. A bit narrow, but I think they will work their way out. Comfortable, not too warm, I think they are exactly what I wanted. A few purchases, every month. Sometimes clothing, sometimes cookware, sometimes odd things like better flashlights, rechargeables and rechargers, or tools. It doesn't, exactly, make perfect sense, always. And yet, when I go to do a project now, I often have one or two different methods of doing the work. Sometimes I need something special, so I go get it or order it. It is beginning to make some sense, and come together. Some for prep, some for work, some for domestic, some for attire. I am not good at keeping up on things, I am improving. It is odd to be back to some level of general life maintenance, with goals of various sorts in mind.
You know, I might tap the anacin bottle again anyway. Not so much for the headache as a general sense of being ill at ease. The headache from the other medicine isn't so bad as yesterday, but it is odd. As with yesterday, it is like a sideways headache. I can't really explain it, and it is common with this particular medicinal mistake. It's a different sort of feel, along with the pain. Rather than a spike through the skull sort of feel, it's as if the brain shifted to the right, then twisted a bit. Nothing unusual, insulin seems to do that when I go from weaksauce to fresh. Yes, anacin. A bit of a surrender but it works.
Later.
.
It's still foggy. Snowing, now, actually. That might be a good sign. It means weather has moved in, a new type. Which could be the prelude to another change. It reminds me of being on a submarine, lately. Only, this one has a screen door and windows. I tried to push this morning. I had hoped to stay awake until noon or even early afternoon. I only made it to between 10:00 and 11:00. I crashed hard enough that I may have sprained my fall. I cut insulin by 50%, after cutting it by 25% initially. It is still much stronger than the vial I had been using. So, again, when I woke, a headache. Just a little one... comparatively. A normal headache versus a migraine, in magnitude. It does hurt, but usual headaches don't require intervention. Besides, it is fading on it's own. Sluggish, though, too. Between the lack of sunshine, insulin, and even that mild attempt at pushing my schedule, I hit a wall. I feel good otherwise. The sun will eventually return.
Today? I have no idea. I am hoping to, possibly, hit the laundry, do a few more dishes, clean the kitchen a bit, and then hit the living room. It sounds like a lot, but it really isn't. The dishes, because of how I do them, and the laundry, would be the bigger chores. The rest is just... bits and pieces. I did remember to change out half of the cat litter, get the trash out, cook a meal last night. But that was about it. I am mostly bottom heavy and slow moving. Anything I get done is almost a thing of luck. Right place at the right time to see need enough to be fired up enough to get it done. It bugs me when I can't just go looking for 'trouble'. I like to work.
The shoes are in. Right size too. A bit narrow, but I think they will work their way out. Comfortable, not too warm, I think they are exactly what I wanted. A few purchases, every month. Sometimes clothing, sometimes cookware, sometimes odd things like better flashlights, rechargeables and rechargers, or tools. It doesn't, exactly, make perfect sense, always. And yet, when I go to do a project now, I often have one or two different methods of doing the work. Sometimes I need something special, so I go get it or order it. It is beginning to make some sense, and come together. Some for prep, some for work, some for domestic, some for attire. I am not good at keeping up on things, I am improving. It is odd to be back to some level of general life maintenance, with goals of various sorts in mind.
You know, I might tap the anacin bottle again anyway. Not so much for the headache as a general sense of being ill at ease. The headache from the other medicine isn't so bad as yesterday, but it is odd. As with yesterday, it is like a sideways headache. I can't really explain it, and it is common with this particular medicinal mistake. It's a different sort of feel, along with the pain. Rather than a spike through the skull sort of feel, it's as if the brain shifted to the right, then twisted a bit. Nothing unusual, insulin seems to do that when I go from weaksauce to fresh. Yes, anacin. A bit of a surrender but it works.
Later.
Better.
.
.
The pseudo-migraine has been tempered. I fear calisthenics might undo any gains, so will be moving slowly and deliberately. No need to stir the hive. Sound and light were never a major problem, though too much sound, earlier on, was a bit of a tricky thing. Too fast or too loud and it hurt. Yeah, I test the edges of pains, to figure the limits, and the cost for exceeding them. Hey, you lick sore teeth. Perhaps you don't try to master all your pain, but then you probably see no reason for pain. Trust me, you wouldn't want to live in a painless world, not as you are. I have just had great need to taking that farther. So very much farther. I suspect those times are not yet over. And, when they are, I will be in a place where the need is greater still. I am not looking forward to that time. A duty, one I will fulfill. Some don't know what they have ahead of them, for a reason. Others do know, also for a reason. Odd, for some of the reasons, knowing and not knowing serve the same purpose. It is the beings that are different?
.
The pseudo-migraine has been tempered. I fear calisthenics might undo any gains, so will be moving slowly and deliberately. No need to stir the hive. Sound and light were never a major problem, though too much sound, earlier on, was a bit of a tricky thing. Too fast or too loud and it hurt. Yeah, I test the edges of pains, to figure the limits, and the cost for exceeding them. Hey, you lick sore teeth. Perhaps you don't try to master all your pain, but then you probably see no reason for pain. Trust me, you wouldn't want to live in a painless world, not as you are. I have just had great need to taking that farther. So very much farther. I suspect those times are not yet over. And, when they are, I will be in a place where the need is greater still. I am not looking forward to that time. A duty, one I will fulfill. Some don't know what they have ahead of them, for a reason. Others do know, also for a reason. Odd, for some of the reasons, knowing and not knowing serve the same purpose. It is the beings that are different?
Sunday, January 11, 2015
A splendid headache.
.
.
If you are going to go through the bother of having a headache, don't go small. I try to keep up on insulin. I am only supposed to use it for a month, as once unsealed it begins to degrade in potency. One month extra and, just guessing, it might be from 10 to 25 percent degraded, depending on various factors. Two or three months out and it is degraded by time, in some compound multiple, if I had to guess... again with variables affecting the gross effects. I had used almost this whole vial, which means at least three months. I usually cut dose when I go from an very old vial to a new one, but that is tricky math. That is what is giving me this nigh on divine headache. It is at migraine level without being a natural migraine. I had a headache yesterday as well, but it wasn't this exquisite. Neither did it last, sputtering out from the time I woke until an hour or two after, disappearing rather quickly, probably within the first hour though memory is not good with fog blotting out the sun and shine. Anicin, today, as I realized the headache was not going to go away.
I hopped in the shower first thing. Actually, I did a few dishes first thing, then the shower. Always dishes, but in small enough piles, they are actually easy enough to kick out... if I remember. I am not even going to consider making plans until I can painlessly hold my head in it's normal plane without excruciating pain. At least light doesn't cause nausea, nausea hasn't quite crept in, and sounds aren't too terrible. It really is a migraine, at pain level. Just, so far, without most of the other side effects. Yum!
Oh, I did grill one of the specialty steaks last night. Just right, a low medium rare. I let the grill warm while baking potatoes for an hour. It all came out perfect. Oh, it was a good steak. Truly. But I found it to be no different from when I buy fresh ribeyes at the stores, when I am picky. The cut was pretty. It looked like laser cuts. The bone in part was perfect. Not so much that it took away from the meat, but enough to gnaw upon, and with a part exposed so that got some char to it. The pre-cook marbling was glorious. But for pure flavor, it was just a steak. I do live in ag-country. I suppose in NYC, L.A., and other places, yeah... they probably don't have access to good meats. At three to four times the cost, it just isn't there for me. Oh, I'll eat the others, and with relish, I just won't buy myself.
However, I would like to try the steaks Maddox offers. I don't think they are quite so expensive, and yet may be more than typical store fair. Just rare treats, even if they are a step up, even so. If not, I will continue to buy at the stores. Just look them over well, or even request thicker cuts if you want to be fancy, when prices are lower. If I see ribeye at $6.99 a pound, I need to buy a couple of roasts, half cut to an inch and a quarter, a quarter of them to an inch and an half, and the last few cut to two inches. Yeah... that's how I "do". I should hand some of those out, from time to time, too. Make fast friends faster, I'll tell ya. Not buying friendship, merely sharing out some of the small joys one knows will do. I remind, I don't see money as some do. In that way, I am childlike, both for good and ill. :p
I'm not up to much. The darkness, and the change of insulin, are keeping me in a cage. I'll work my way out of it, no worries. Just a little downtime. It is the weekend, too, mind you. So, fair enough. The only other thing I will push to do is to get the trash and recycling gathered and out. Everything, or anything, else... will just happen or not. Probably the same for a day or two. Ugh. Later.
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If you are going to go through the bother of having a headache, don't go small. I try to keep up on insulin. I am only supposed to use it for a month, as once unsealed it begins to degrade in potency. One month extra and, just guessing, it might be from 10 to 25 percent degraded, depending on various factors. Two or three months out and it is degraded by time, in some compound multiple, if I had to guess... again with variables affecting the gross effects. I had used almost this whole vial, which means at least three months. I usually cut dose when I go from an very old vial to a new one, but that is tricky math. That is what is giving me this nigh on divine headache. It is at migraine level without being a natural migraine. I had a headache yesterday as well, but it wasn't this exquisite. Neither did it last, sputtering out from the time I woke until an hour or two after, disappearing rather quickly, probably within the first hour though memory is not good with fog blotting out the sun and shine. Anicin, today, as I realized the headache was not going to go away.
I hopped in the shower first thing. Actually, I did a few dishes first thing, then the shower. Always dishes, but in small enough piles, they are actually easy enough to kick out... if I remember. I am not even going to consider making plans until I can painlessly hold my head in it's normal plane without excruciating pain. At least light doesn't cause nausea, nausea hasn't quite crept in, and sounds aren't too terrible. It really is a migraine, at pain level. Just, so far, without most of the other side effects. Yum!
Oh, I did grill one of the specialty steaks last night. Just right, a low medium rare. I let the grill warm while baking potatoes for an hour. It all came out perfect. Oh, it was a good steak. Truly. But I found it to be no different from when I buy fresh ribeyes at the stores, when I am picky. The cut was pretty. It looked like laser cuts. The bone in part was perfect. Not so much that it took away from the meat, but enough to gnaw upon, and with a part exposed so that got some char to it. The pre-cook marbling was glorious. But for pure flavor, it was just a steak. I do live in ag-country. I suppose in NYC, L.A., and other places, yeah... they probably don't have access to good meats. At three to four times the cost, it just isn't there for me. Oh, I'll eat the others, and with relish, I just won't buy myself.
However, I would like to try the steaks Maddox offers. I don't think they are quite so expensive, and yet may be more than typical store fair. Just rare treats, even if they are a step up, even so. If not, I will continue to buy at the stores. Just look them over well, or even request thicker cuts if you want to be fancy, when prices are lower. If I see ribeye at $6.99 a pound, I need to buy a couple of roasts, half cut to an inch and a quarter, a quarter of them to an inch and an half, and the last few cut to two inches. Yeah... that's how I "do". I should hand some of those out, from time to time, too. Make fast friends faster, I'll tell ya. Not buying friendship, merely sharing out some of the small joys one knows will do. I remind, I don't see money as some do. In that way, I am childlike, both for good and ill. :p
I'm not up to much. The darkness, and the change of insulin, are keeping me in a cage. I'll work my way out of it, no worries. Just a little downtime. It is the weekend, too, mind you. So, fair enough. The only other thing I will push to do is to get the trash and recycling gathered and out. Everything, or anything, else... will just happen or not. Probably the same for a day or two. Ugh. Later.
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