My timing often sucks.

.
.
Well, and I can be blind to the left, right, sometimes from both eyes.

A recent post came together at the wrong time.  As I have suggested though, writing happens as it does.  One might as well be angry that the sun came up and woke you, before you were ready to wake.  While that may be true, it isn't even the fullness, or partial fullness, of truth, not even for the one who experiences it.

Further, as I suggested, I can be blind.  I don't see, hear, feel, or think, sometimes.  I have friends who are blind to the ways of the world, others who are blind to the ways of women, others who no nothing of war.  My blindness is to what humanity I might have.  I don't see, understand, that that trampling through delicate flowers, at times when those are most cherished, causes harm.

As each of you nears death, you will know this thing.  Often there is great forgiveness afforded those who are obviously at some points in their life.  My state is not obvious.  More, it comes and goes.  So I have learned forgiveness myself, and understanding, and regret.  I merely hope those who feel harmed may find a way to forgive my flailing blunders.  And... understand that the call to write, certain things, comes from something far stronger and well above my ability to resist.  As a cough, it happens because certain conditions exist which require the function.  The more one tries to tamp it down, the more certain and heavier the response may end up being.  I did try to hold off, then it blew threw me like wind through a shattered door.

I know, dark things.  Things you probably don't understand.  As I suggested in a comment, imagine a cosmic undercover cop.  But one plucked from among the crooks by conscience, then returned to do certain tasks.  No, you probably won't ever fully understand.  For what I came from is as much worse than criminal as angels are above cops, and of a different order and understand as that difference.  So many risks to putting on the old colors and riding the range with lost brothers, even for their sake and for the sake of righteousness.  So easy to forget, or be found out, or even hold true but fail.  These notions have little to do with anything in this life, mostly, or time.

I am finally at peace with the dreams, visions, notions, and such.  I do have faith that what must be, will be, and will succeed.  Not because of me.  Just a tool, if a redeemed one.  I suspect I will have a good little remainder of life, twenty, maybe forty years, unless it all falls.  Which is a possibility itself.  Then, for me as with all others, all bets are off.  Two different times, almost two different lives.  But... just dreams, stories, thoughts.  Pay no heed, and take no concern.  Do as you should and this will have little to do with you.  I am just... tinkering with some things... trying to see what the dimly seen shadows and writings mean.

Be well.  You know how.  Heal thyself until the greater Healer can make new.