Hmm? Yes. Of course.

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Maybe.

I woke at 21:00 and small change.  I think.  After 21:00, for sure, and before 22:00.  Probably.  Being 22:30, and having the sense I have been awake for a while, I think that's safe.  Hey, when my days and nights tumble, and I wake up a different time, and go to bed at a different time, every day and night, it's just not easy to track.  It really is like a trip in a front loading washer or something.  Wee!  Bleh!

Still, first thing, I drained the old wash water, setting the dishes to a fresh soak.  I started a pot of coffee, but also set up the rice cooker.  I fished out and washed the rice pan that goes into it, first.  The lid and rice paddle were cleaned yesterday.  After coffee finishes, and as I set up my first dose of that, I will start the rice.  I will be steaming a hamburger patty or two on top of it, perhaps adding brussels sprouts into the rice.  Not fancy, but it will do nicely, I think.  Soft food, but it's been a while since I have eaten.  Best to start out slowly, if I don't always do that.  Yank the rip cord, lad!  :)  Doesn't seem to matter, at least for me.  Even a couple of weeks, in the old days, of no food, and I might make a beef roast, potatoes, carrots, and such, and down half a chuck roast in a single meal.  Or a couple pounds of spaghetti with meat sauce.  I am lowering portions, these days.  Then again, I only go half a week without food, at the very worst, these days.

I am thinking that today might be the day.  Dishes, laundry, clearing the hallway, then maybe some sweeping, and mopping at least in the bathroom.  If I can do anything else, it will be to get the chairs and tables that I am hoping to put up in the garage up.  First I have to figure out where, and how.  But... I will think more on that as I get to it.  If I can get that done, my next goal will be to get into town, do some grocery shopping, and take my friend for a drive and a meal if I can get to town at the right times for that.

If, after all that, I need a day or two off, so be it.  But then I want to begin hitting the home and garage with more dirty deeds.  Cleaning, sorting, storing, org... maybe not organizing.  It truly is my Achilles' heel.  But, if I do other things, and that happens to be a part of it, I might be able to squeak some of that in.  I just can't do it with direct intentions.  Yeah...  Man genes.  Women don't believe it, but it's true.  Sure, women have to work at it, but many of them have the capacity.  Most man type critters simply don't.  Our confusion in this matter is actually what drives a woman to go organizationally crazy, or the reverse.  It depends on some various factors to each, and some external factors.  At least from what I have seen.

Well...  Coffee!  Food shortly after that!  And after food is digested enough to function, dishes, a shower, and laundry.  Sleep well.  *grins*  Later.

A dame blogger offered thoughts.

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Slowly going down.  Nothing done beyond that first load of dishes and a call.  Still, that's more than I have been able to do in a week?  Weeks?  A month?  Don't ask me.

It's nearly impossible.

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I did get the dishes washed, rinsed, dried, and mostly put away.  I set another load to soak.  That's it.  I am hoping in a bit, to finish those dishes, make rice and hamburger as I ought to eat.  It's been a while, I think, since I last ate.  A day, several, since Tuesday?  Not sure but I think Tuesday was my last meal.  While I am not hungry, I think I ought to put something in there.  Doing more?  I don't think so.  I'm not sure about doing that.  Oh, but I will call my mother.  She's getting a bit grumpy about me not answering.  I'm just not awake when she calls, and I have been eclipsing her sleep cycle with my wake cycle.  Calling her at midnight will end with the same results she is running into calling me.

I'll keep pushing.  Food, dishes, and maybe a shower if I can get the dishes done, at least a preliminary washing.  Yeah, picky.

I keep reading the pundits.  And I laugh.  Wendy Davis was the most recent article.  It seems the news cycle has crashed, so there isn't much else to read but the stupid little bits, like the news crumbs after a feast.  Why laugh?  Well, the pundit suggest that W.D. (M. in there?), lost because Texans simply weren't as progressive as people had thought.  That the money poured into the state had no effect.  That this, that that, that something else.  Wrong.  At the last minute, the law requiring proof of identity and citizenship, or such, was allowed for the election.  That is the whole sum of what happened to W(M)D's campaign.  It's funny watching them trip over themselves trying to twist the why and why nots into some kind of sense when the meat is sitting right in front of them.  Complain that you only have vegetables on your plate, ignore the two pound ribeye if you wish, but don't expect me to bite.  I think pundits are afraid the truth will get out.  They aren't on our side either.

Hmm... another pot of coffee, too.  Best call my mother first.

Have a good day.  I'll rest for you.

Waking gently.

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It's not so much a plan as a hope.  The machines are old in the down below.  They haven't been lit often or frequently.  The whole device groans under it's own weight.  Perhaps it was, or will be, brought to full and to bear.  For now I just need... to get the dishes done.  Oh, but I did start them.  And I will shortly finish them, take a shower, put a new load of dishes in, and start a load of laundry.  Running before I can stand, but, hopefully, not running faster than my feet.  It's always a precarious adventure.

Roaring into a yawn.

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Awake?  Well, let me finish the yawn, stretch, and maybe a nap?  Okay, I'll skip the nap.  I will be awake shortly.  I am positive.  I am still going to plug for work.  But I am not awake enough to actually discuss much or work.  A pot of coffee might kick things up, though that might just make me more awake.  I'm not sure it will do more than wake the mind, that is.

Yeah, I'm still in spin cycle recover.  I seem to be finding my psychic feet, have started being able to get the spinning to slow.  I don't know if this is the calm before the next storm or an opportunity to get my feet back on the ground, and moving.  Work seems so easy when I can focus, get to it, do it.  I do have limits, but I have found, with a little help, I can stretch that.  Over time, I can probably stretch that even more.  The garage is important, for the weight bench and hobbies.  Simple things, but if they aren't available, they can't be put to use.  Oh, if I happen to get trapped by a wife, I will be putting a hammock out there.  I might even conceal it.  Bah!  You can fool a woman for a while.  She would eventually catch on.  Yes, you can trust me on this.  I've known more women, mothers, sisters, and not so sisterly sisters, than I can remember.  Most of them represent, or want, work.  Hard to hide from want.  All I'm saying.

Hmm... might have to think about that through the next year.  Hidden man bunker, or two?  Air, a bit of space, darkness, and prone body support... that's all I need.  With a woman type, I'd need to make that concealed.  They have good eyes, but not good about spatial or mechanical, and easily put off through emotions.  Yes, yes, Jedi mind tricks DO work.  Different ones for men and women, mind you.  If you don't want men to look, for example, put a box of feminine... monthly stuff... in front of what you are hiding.  When I had a cousin staying with me and one of my gals, a cousin prone to borrowing a sip a bit beyond my budget, I did that with my hooch.  Men, women, slightly different but all... susceptible.  *avert eyes*  :)

Still goofy minded from waking.  Take no serious offense.  Memories, thoughts, imaginings, all collide into a wonderful little "morning" collusion to unseat gloom.  Well, some mornings.  Always a good sign, in my book.  So, fine...  I'll plot.  Back to the basics.  Trash and recycling, a few dishes, and the clearing the hallway.  If that gets done, sweeping.  Fie.  But a goal works, sometimes, when nothing else would have.

On to waking. 

Without a clue.

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Give or take.

As I drift to sleep...

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I keep looking at stories, about the election, in spite of swearing that off earlier.  One of the things I am noting is that there was supposed to have been a slide to the Republican side, in all demographics.  Really?  I doubt that.  And with lower numbers even going to the polls, I have even more doubts.  Democrats weren't inspired?  Republicans might have been, but they are a shrinking minority.  If they aren't shrinking as quickly as Dems, they aren't in ascendance.  Not as a party.  Conservatives may be becoming a larger part of the independents, but I don't think they will have much interest in voting Republican.  We'll see what Republicans do with the chance they have been given, perhaps.  No, I think it was something else.

Between a much keener watch on polling houses, voter id laws, and other laws, cheating and stuffing just isn't as available.  That is what happened.  I hope more states require id, strip the dead and illegals out of the lists, and require more honesty.  What has been happening is that conservative votes have not been being counted.  Now, I don't, completely, trust Republicans either.  Crony capitalism is their socialist bent, and one that needs watching.  It's not as bad as that of the left, but it's there.  And, they would cheat given half a chance.  People will return to vote if they believe their votes are actually counted, and politicians serve their will.

Vox has a piece up, regarding the low turn out.  I have discussed it before, as a personal issue I believe.  Pelosi is suggesting she wants everyone to get out to vote, even Republicans and indies.  If she could, she would probably mandate it.  She realizes, if people don't vote, the government will lose it's legitimacy.  She is more afraid of that than she is of her "enemies" winning.  And she should fear it.  I hope Republicans fear it.  We will see in the next election, just what happens.  I suppose some of it depends on if bad deals, doing nothing, or going along for the wrong ride, continue or ends.

Republicans aren't in an enviable seat.  They have a big baby to deal with.  Well, and their own lack of backbone.  Yeah, I realize, politics isn't direct gear drive.  In the end, none of that matters.  Democrats, it seems, are their own worst enemy as well.  Their dear leader will get them all slaughtered, it seems, if he is given half a chance.  I am not sure how the tables look for the next election cycle.  I don't know which party it favors.  Luck?  No, that is, to some degree, made.  But there are some realities that are difficult to escape.  New York will not go Republican, certainly not conservative.  Same with Cali and some other states.  I might, or might not, try to find a list of seats next cycle.  Though retirements might throw some of that further up into the air.

Just... thinking, as I suggested, while I begin to drift to sleep.  I keep trying to push through.  I have cheated, as hard as I can.  I pushed for days before that.  I am, simply and truly, grounded.  Not on the ground, in the clouds though.  It's been a tough one.  Amazing, really.  Usually, with this kind of effort, and throwing gas and nitrous into the mix, I can get the tires out of the rut.  I don't even think I've gotten the tires to turn.  Forget about spinning.  I'm good.  Just... not going anywhere.  For now.  I'm even still good enough to keep pushing.  I... just... don't... get... it!  /whine

Good night.  Urhm, probably morning, for you.

How do I feel?

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You tell me.  I feel as if I am perpetually holding on.  Disoriented and a bit confused.  I was created, trained perhaps, to operate with these sensations.  And, with the givens, I still do.  I have no difficulty standing, and quickly, walking, or such.  Even with the feeling that I am perpetually recovering from what is in the video.  Not bad, on the one hand.  Not good, on the other.  I shouldn't feel that way, not without external reasons.  Has it been the last few days, week, two weeks?  I simply don't know.  While I am doing some things, I am not able to hang on to all things.  November, is it?  Yeah... Okay.

Not doing well.

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Nothing to do with the election.  Pleased with it, as far as that goes.  But it's not a concern on the micro level, where I live, at this point.  I'm not busting my chops up or down about anything.  I am having problems just living.  No, not that I am having health issues, just...  Weather?  Season?  I've dropped again.

My mother has been calling.  She is probably worried sick.  My friend has been calling.  This, that, and the other thing have been planned, and might be on the books or about to be.  Technically.  Sleep has simply become a thing I get when I can.  Waking time is the same.

I have been pushing to do something, anything, for the last two days.  Pushing hard.  No soft thoughts, like I ought to get to things.  Hard, heavy, severe, shoving.  Nothing going.  I even tried a couple of old school cheats.  Nothing.  Meds are going down, usually.  I seem to miss nights fairly often.  That doesn't seem to matter.  I've compared perfect compliance with imperfect, and can't see a difference.  Stuck, like a bug on a windshield at 80.  I'm not sure if I want the vehicle to slow though.  Not sure if I have legs or wings.  :)

I'll keep pushing.  Unless, or until, I get too exhausted for even that.  Hmm...  I may take a shower.  Perhaps see what I might cook.  Meh, not hungry.  A shower, air dry time, and maybe I can kick something over.  The trash and recycling collected and out, cat litter?  Yeah.  That might be it, if I can get to it.  It would be something though.

Oh, as to Republicans.  A little wishlist.  Undo zerocare, start the XL pipeline,  lower corporate taxes (we pay that, mind you, not "rich companies"... I don't know about you, but I don't feel rich enough to pay a company to additionally pay the government, after paying taxes on every service and item I already buy or use from said company, on top of any other taxes... you get the point, all that on top of the rate sending money and jobs overseas), end illegal immigration, and restrict insane bureaucracy and departments.  Oh, and, cut the deficit, reinforce all of the bill of rights, and uphold the constitution.  Well, Christmas is right around the corner.

Later?  Good night?  Dunno.

Republicans.

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Just some thoughts.  You did not win.  You ran against zerocare.  Democrats lost.  You have learned, at least in elections, that your ideas are bankrupt or you would have touted them.  Listen and learn.  You are servants, not masters.  You have been elected to do, basically, one set of things.  Undo what has been done and end how things have been being done.  You have no other mandate.  You have no other reason for being in office.  If you fail...  People will only continue to vote if they think it means a damn.  If they stop voting, then government will be undone, one way or the other.  Choose.

Getting dark already?

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Not really, but close enough.  The sun is definitely setting earlier and earlier.  Not only a cooler sun, but less of it.  I'll keep pushing to get beyond that.  Sun lamps don't really work.  Some years, lately, I have pushed through.  Last year was a monster hard year, if there was more than just the weather going on.  This year?  I hope it will be better, after a less than successful summer.  No complaints.  Being that most of those similarly ill can't even contemplate more, and many have lost altogether.  Hmm...  I take that back.  Complaining can be a good thing.  It might mean you still have enough sense to try for better?  I suppose it is how you use it, and do it?

As I begin planning for a few things, I have begun looking at what a wood shop really needs.  I don't have the space for a full wood/mechanical/exercise shop.  I have the back third of a wide and a half, extra long, garage.  Even with folding, break-down, and other techniques and special tools, I am very limited.  Still, the goal is to create a tool/machine shop that will see me to many smaller tasks.  Compromise, due to financial limits, is beyond a doubt in any case.  Further complicating matters are the number of opinions on what is really needed for a multi-use shop.  Farmers, often, to be honest, are some of the best men to speak with.  They do, and make do.  The problem with their notions is that they often have what they have, and use it, without really knowing even if it is "the right" machine or tool, always.  But, they do get done, often, what moderns didn't know could be done.  When money is tight, they have no choice.  When something breaks in some seasons, there might not be time to call someone in.  Make do.  Good for ideas, not always in a repeatable manner for someone who doesn't have immediate need.

I found a video that lays out woodworking very well.  What a shop needs, and a good range of options and notions about best fit.  It doesn't get down to the nitty-gritty on specific machines.  It does a very good job of generalities on those, but rather more specific regarding hand tools.  I think it is probably the best piece of shop setup advice, for a wood shop, I have seen.  I have been reading for years, now.  That doesn't make me an expert, it just means I'm not blind.  There are too many who are a bit too... precise.  Demanding .001 inch clearances, machines or tools that are beyond all but the wealthiest, and such.  Here, again, a farmer type can often set you straight.  Though a man who has worked with his hands for much of his life, in various fields, can also be of service.  Avoid theorists and snobs.  Oh, right, here you go.  The first half is about hand tools, though the whole thing is worth a watch, imho.

Tough to keep a day cycle.

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I will keep at it.  Most likely, the day cycle will slip from my grasp.  I couldn't go down until 3:00 and change.  I did set the alarm for 10:00, but yeah... no.  Noon, and that wasn't easy.  I don't have what is necessary to push out of bed early.  I woke, but late, and barely.  If you are in the military for more than a year, you learned.  You wake when you are woken.  You don't always get eight hours, you don't always get six hours, you don't always get three hours, and you might run a 48 hour run awake, working, and hard, then have a week of lousy sleep before you can ever even get a chance to get even one proper night's rest.  Further, in some operations, you never really sleep.  You just become slightly less conscious when an opportunity presents itself.  Adrenalin, running gangbusters, won't let you drop too deeply.  Well, and I suppose back then, hormone levels at their peak.  Of course, for some people, that might, over time, incapacitate their normal function.  Something I have considered, and still consider.

As fall is hitting, cool to cold weather has arrived, the sun is at such an angle that it isn't warming as well, just staying focused is become tough.  All go through it.  The older you get, the harder that hits.  Turning the heat up helps just a bit.  It's the heat from the sun that seems to push, at least me.  The furnace, at best, merely keeps blood warm enough so that it flows slightly better.  It doesn't have the umph of the sun to push the body into gear.  Why not go south?  Because that much hard run time just isn't my calling.  Seasonal changes just seem right.

I did have a dream that startled me awake.  It was too real.  I was walking through my home.  I was sleepy enough, in the dream, or otherwise unaware enough at first, that I didn't realize what was different.  Then I realized my line of sight was off.  It was as if I was two to three feet shorter.  Now the dream was so realistic, natural seeming, that I really didn't realize it was a dream at this point.  As I moved through my house at night, looking around, more seemed off.  Yes, I can move through my home at night without lights.  I can see in the dark fairly well, and I know my place.  So that part wasn't strange.  As I was walking through, however, I noted that my... legs... where different.  Well, and I was on four of them.  The musculature of a wolf is very different.  How the leg bends, where it bends, and that when you move one leg, another moves as automatically as breathing.  Wolves have forms of biceps and triceps, sort of, just much smaller.  A wolf is merely a fast platform for teeth... and hunger.  It is not strength based, as in lifting strength, but speed based.  The realization of the muscular contractions, front and hind leg tethering, and a few other things, was so... different, when I realized, that I woke to a start.  So real seeming.  Panting was cool, and the girls knew who I was so didn't freak.  It seemed to still take a bit to wake, as if going through a long tunnel.  Then I found myself in bed, but a bit shaken, maybe stirred too.

I'm pretty beat up, for some reason.  Not physically worn, just very tired.  I may even take a nap before too long.  A few hours from now, anyway.  I don't want to extend my sleep cycle through the nap, or perturb my bedtime.  Naps are tricky.  At least I think they are.  They have to be right between targeted sleep and wake times or they mess everything up.  I am not sure I should nap in my present condition, truth be told.  I am simply unsure if I can avoid it.

I have a lot of things I'd like to hit, I'm just not able to wake well enough.  I'll keep pushing.  Later.

Fighting for the day.

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Until last night, for the last three nights, maybe four, my night had been pushing into early morning.  Advancing in time.  Same with the morning, of course.  I was awake until 5:00 or 6:00 yesterday morning.  I don't want that.  Last night I was able to force a 1:00 bedtime, and tried for a 9:00 wake, but couldn't quite get out of bed until 10:00 and two snooze bar operations, if I did get out of bed before the last snooze bar sounded.  Oh, but at least I feel as good as debris left in the road to be run over by a line of rigs heading out full.  It wasn't just the early rise.  I dreamed, all night, of other people "turning".  I never saw what they turned into, I just knew it wasn't good.  It was really a series of dreams.  A first, then second, part, then a repeat with some variation.  Someone I thought I knew would "turn".  I would sort of be in danger by that.  It caused me to change not once, but twice.  This happened with many people.  On top of that, the girls, my cats, were trying to bash their way into my bedroom all dang night!  They usually don't do that.  I don't know if there was something outside spooking them or what.  All night, dreams and cats beating on my door.  I couldn't wake enough to chase them off.

I just don't know about today.

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Sleep was good if bedtime was late.  Waking late again, of course.  It seems that day and night are flipping again.  It has been getting cloudy, and cooler, or so it seems from my bunker.  With Halloween finished, I suppose I can tumble a bit.  A letter from the V.A. telling me I missed an appointment, two actually, and to the same clinic, if I hadn't been told, or sent a card, for one of them.  A phone call, but at a time when such things didn't make sense, and I couldn't comply anyway.

I'm not sure I trust the V.A. at this point.  If Zero was going to force treatment of ebola, it would be at these types of places, and behind most everybody's backs.  He has executive power in these places, and the lousy command structure is so tenuously being kept in place for political reasons, that they are beholding to this corrupt admin like never before.  I simply am not sure I can trust these hospitals and clinics at this point.  I suppose they could come out and say they won't accept ebola patients, but then they have said people could keep their plan, their doctor, and many other things.  They have knowingly lied, been complicit in the construction of the things they lied about, and meant from the beginning to lie.  They continue misleading about everything they suggest at this point.  At this point there is simply no trust.  Not the feds, not the bureaucracy, not the DoJ, not the Supreme Court, not congress.  I don't trust the state bureaucracies.  I'll figure it out along the line.  When I need refills, or at least after they won't do them over the phone anymore.  Being as busy as they are, my efforts should be pleasing to them.  Heck, if half of us, or more, stopped showing...  Yeah...  Then they could get back to being the political operatives they seem to believe themselves to be.

I needed a bit of rest yesterday, and today.  I might tinker a bit, here and there, on this and that, in the house.  It just can't be even a minor real work day.  I don't have enough to put in, or even push for it.  I'm not done in, though, either.  Hopefully I can get to the yard and a few other odds and ends tomorrow.  I did dream last night.  None of it remains.  The emotional ties seem to indicate just normal dreaming.  Probably some mundane, to slightly off the wall, imaginative takes of simple life.  Then again, isn't life, itself, just that for the most part?  How many of us would believe what we have truly seen and experienced in our own lives if we hadn't actually been there, perhaps even checking with others to make sure we saw correctly?  Me!  Me!  Oooh, pick me!  :)

Well... on to some water, waking, and coffee a bit later.  I honestly am not seeing any improvement with drinking water first thing.  But I am not seeing any harm, either.  I'll keep it up for a while, seeing if it simply takes a while to implement.  Then again, if it isn't hurting, perhaps I will continue.  A little more real simple water each day just can't be a bad thing.  I am, not always but much more often, beginning to drink water with dinner.  Ice water, I need it cold, both at waking time and meals, but not extremely cold.  Rightly chilled.  Just passing on notes from my experiment.

Good day.