Up a bit earlier.

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Not down until midnight?  Yea.  Got stuck in the game.  Up at nine thirty.  Will do better, I think, today.

Feeling better.  Rolled better, or something.  Blood sugar is a bit higher, at 142 fasting?  My guess?  Eating all through the day.  Not a lot.  Four eggs, fatted coffee, tonic vinegar, more eggs, another coffee, and a couple of fatted bone broths in there.  I was... strangely hungry.  But unable to cook.

Down rather later, up rather late.

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I've lost my hold on things.  The cool, and dark, got to me.  The sun was up today!  Though I will be honest, I feared the heat.  I kept expecting to be blistered awake.  Or to begin fever nightmare sleeping.  I couldn't do much about anything, though.  Just... too tired to move.  So, I laid there, half expecting... terrible things.

I am a bit surprised that, at noon thirty, I am awake.  And, without having had to go through fevered dream waking, or sleeping.  The thermometer read 67 the last few times I checked it.  As I went to bed, while I don't think the sun had peaked the crests it was light out there.  Five, six?  I just can't be sure.  Four at the very earliest, but I don't think four is that light.  Certainly not yet?

It was good to have light, even if there was no way it was going to wake me.  Just, after a week of dark, and lots of time before the short bit of sunshine we had before that (if it had gotten... comparatively... hot already in that short run), sunshine is... sorely missed.  And, like it or not, we have been given as much reprieve as possible.  It is time for it to begin heating up again.

I had forgotten slow acting insulin last night.  So I am taking it this morning.  Oddly, blood sugar is down by twenty points compared to yesterday morning.  Well, twelve points... from 190 to 178 fasting.  But, it had been 237 last night, before a final dose of fast acting.  So... better all around.  And it is 154 weekly average, which is down from 160 yesterday.  Slightly down on monthly average of 164 if I... don't think that covers, honestly, much more than two weeks.  So... Odd, but... good.  Better in numbers solid in trend.

Ribs are still rough.  It isn't that they are improving?  It is more that the area of damage, pain, suffering, is shrinking.  It was from the near whole of the left side of my ribcage to just the size of my hand cupped in there.  Still a big area, most people can't eat a steak the size of my hand, even a solid man.  Of course, if you make it an inch or three thick, you can eliminate pretty much all men.  So, it still hurts fairly solidly.  

I am only adding extra water pills every other day, as it really seemed to help until it pretty much stopped working.  Taking it to every other day, half by accident?  Partly with that notion on my mind?  It... just happened, seemed to work better.  So I have continued.  And, any day I don't void extra?  I may actually skip two days.  But it does seem to helping, of more intermittently now.  The pump can only pull just so much.  Then the cavity has to close up, so the pumping action will work again?  I don't know.  I just know that... I found a method that seems to work... if how it works, or why it works the way it does, or such, is all speculation.

Well... I am awake.  Life is okay.  The sun is up.  My ribs are improving... extra water pills today... it's been two days without... feels like it is time again.  Slow acting in.  Water heating.  Oh, and I tried bullion last night.  Way salty, for what they suggest.  They suggested a tablespoon per cup.  I'd go a tablespoon per quart, from now on.  Just... something warm, but not caffeine, which would go well with butter and/or cream.  I suppose I could even add protein powder.  And, still salty, but... it's... something.

I could add chia in with that, for savory.  Or, in time, hemp hearts.  Trying to figure out foods for on the trail, or on the run.  I'm not sure how much of that really is absorbed.  Super foods really aren't super.  Lies told to vegans, or whoever else is buying.  There is no magic food.  Still, these things are filling enough, tasty, I can handle the texture, and mix in other things that work.  So... I'll... take it.  I'm just not a believer.  Then again, just for the fiber action?  There is more benefits than just simple nutrition.  And, yes, that... has solid value.

I have, mostly, been doing intermittent fasting.  Eating just twice, and within eight hours.  I have been limited in my ability to be sure, track, and keep on track.  But, I think that will be improving.  Even if the clouds came back, having a day of sun will reset things.  Though, most likely, clouds are gone.  It's now the heat to be fretted.  But... that is a more activating fear.  It pushes me.  So, tracking, and keeping to a schedule, should be... easier, and more likely.

Anyway... I'll... try to get a shower in.  Get dishes done.  Do some laundry.  Maybe set up the hammock.  And do chores.  Well, and reset the litter boxes, putting the third one back into action again?  Yeah.  Later.

Failure?

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Yes, to a degree.  Some of the problem seems to be my keto menu has not been pure enough?  Maybe.  Some of it has been because I have not been keeping to keto foods, not as well as I could/should?  I... don't know.  All I know is between blood sugar and ketosis, I'm in, out, all over the place.  So?  Choices.

Quit?  That's... a choice.  Or... get gud?  (aka get good, a gaming term if you are having problems)  Improve, update, learn, adapt, kick ass.  That... is another choice.  I just... wasn't... able to clearly think my way around to how to do that.  But, I have been keeping my ears to the ground.  And, tonight, I... may have found the trick?

Get gud...

Up, again...

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For a while?  For the night?  I'm still a bit confused and out of sorts.  Pushing two days in a row, throwing my whole schedule off, eating like a hangry fool, missing meds and taking them very off schedule... what was taken... leaves me a bit, a lot, out of sorts.

All good.  For the mission, the man is expendable.  Not only was the mission embarked upon, no matter how dubious, it was returned from AND successful.  None of that is every promised or even suggested.  It is... merely hoped.  The mission comes first.  The prices is... what it is.  For all but those who pay it, it is, at most, an afterthought.  At least I actually brought home bacon, not just a bunch of gratitude from command who really didn't actually give a shit.  Or even like us, most of them.  Worse under dems, but not great under repubs either, to be honest.

I ate this morning, two meals.  Small meals.  I have to eat again, but I'm not really keen on doing much.  Hmm... I do have already cooked burger, salad, cheese, and such.  Sounds good to me.  Easy is good, beats even a steak, when recovering from pushing to extremes.  If I would have to cook it, anyway.

Hopefully, I will get the big bin in, to near the house, in the next week or two.  Then I start breaking, tearing, sorting, and tossing.  A LOT of tossing.  I am excited, and yet fearful.  This will be the beginning of a long run... to get the house cleared, cleaned, straightened.  To get my belongings in order, reducing my stock, and again, and probably again again.

I'm not planning on going minimalist.  I merely want to keep only that which I will use, or that which might be useful.  Almost anything that is in the way of clean, simple, function, or proper aesthetics, will go.  Even my couches, recliners (too old and don't work well), and other things will go.  Good furniture, fitting clothes which are still in good shape, will be kept.  Perhaps some new furniture, on the lower end, for plants, and a better tall-boy recliner, may replace most of my living room stuff.  Perhaps a few chairs for guests.  But I have endtables and a coffee table, so maybe not much else?  Plant stands, maybe, specifically for those?  Maybe?

My kitchen will be cleared, and reset.  Designed, from top to bottom, for storage and ease of use.  I have wire shelving, regular cupboards, and rolling wire racks.  I have the perfect gear for making a highly functional kitchen, just too much else in the way at the moment.  It could be an ideal kitchen.  I even have a big, 6 quart, standing mixer.  I have everything, save perhaps a wood burning cookstove, a gas stove, a stove vent, and... well... I have much else.  

Oh, well, a larger food processor, if I get the kitchen in order and keep it that way... I may get one of those back.  The rolling racks would be perfect for larger "small" appliances.  Storing below what isn't being used, having a cutting board on top, for almost any even larger small appliance use on top.  Perhaps two at a time, and I have two of those.  I used to do more, but that got reduced as I began... losing space.

If this works, once every few years, I may just get one of those for a while, and... begin paring.  The hope, though, is that this will, mostly, get a lot of that done.  And, this time, I'll keep up on it.  It is... a possibility.  Definitely a hope.  Dubious?  Aren't all hopes, even plans?  Amen.

Well... on to dinner.  Supper?  Breakfast?  I... don't think, at this time in the mess of recovery, food is anything but face and body filler.  No name or title quite works.  Later.  Oh.  Blood sugar is 164.  I don't think that is fasting?  Not long enough since I ate, before I slept.  And, without slow acting insulin two nights running, or even fast acting for... a while... three days?  So... okay.  Back on the chain gang, tonight.  A small(er) quick acting, then a slow acting regular dose in an hour.  Not bad for the abuses I just put my body through.  I was expecting three fifty, hoping for two and a quarter.  Amen.

Back to it all.  Shouldn't be too bad.  Oh, and kefir.  I'll restart that tonight!  Excited to get that back into production.  Love that stuff.

A lot of salad today!

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And, actually, it was really good!  I wasn't cramping my style by doing it.  Hungry for it.  The first two were just standard.  The last one was with boiled burger.  Which, actually, was pretty good.  I think I'll have a final bowl of that, just spiced, otherwise alone.  It was good enough for my tastes.

As well, a fatted coffee or two, and a chia and flax breakfast.  I think I have enough room for more, but... one more bowl of burger should be good.  I will definitely be getting more lettuce.  As to salad dressing, I think I'll just make my own.  The italian was okay, but my vinaigrettes beat the tar out of  that.  I do need to find good olive oil though.  Extra virgin is only for that and a very few things.  

Don't... bother cooking with it, really.  Good also for mayo.  So... spend the money, and get definite extra virgin.  Which... I need to do.  Otherwise who knows what is in that oil.  Seriously, they fill it with (on the high end) canola, on the low end... you don't want to know.  

Same with ghee too.  Don't buy that, make that.  Plus, if you have a basement or root cellar, ghee will last a very long time.  Make three to five jars.  Oh, and don't make it out of grass fed, grass finished, organic.  Ghrrr!  Complete waste.  Use a lower middle grade of stuff.  Look, I won't be cheap for being cheaps sake.  Just, don't waste your money by cooking on high with evoo, or using extra class butters for ghee.  Just... don't.  If you have money to throw away, could you... throw some my way?  At least I won't waste it.

While I missed the technical window, by time, I made it by length of time allowed.  It's as good as I can do with sleep being so off.  Technically, though, I fasted longer, so it's all good... unless I make it back up tomorrow, by being up early.  But, even then... it'll do.  Intermittent fasting will just... have to sort itself out some days, in spite of, or because of, me or my failings.

The girls have been extra hungry today.  Pissing me off, a bit.  But, I... have relented.  If they are hungry, I will feed them.  I know how the cold gets to me.  And, I worry about them.  I just make sure they aren't just jerking my chain.  They haven't been, and are completely demolishing what I give them, so... I'll... feed them a bit more.

Late on the rabbits.  But, tonight, I will definitely get them more water.  I have been lax lately.  They are still doing good, but I want them to do better.  I may, if possible, thaw the hydrant tonight, or give it a good shot.  It read 28, last time I looked.  Not sure if it is staying there or cooling more.  I hope it is.  The hydrant is rather frozen.  Oddly, again, there is an icicle in it.  That really shouldn't happen.  I will look for the torch, soldering torch really, and get that going while I use the heat gun as well.  Maybe it will thaw faster.  Hopefully it doesn't break.  Ugh.  Who knows.  I guess I will find out.

One more bite, then done for the evening.  I don't think I even started eating until... 18:00?  20:00?  The latter, I think.  Just... couldn't... go.

My brother texted, that they received a package or two.  I have another gift for them, next month.  Something that is wonderful, both for holy holidays, as well as just for whenever.  I have been using it, and enjoying it, immensely this year.  Actually, I plan on sending several out, to folks near and far, through the next few months.  Not... a lot.  Just... a few, to good folk.  I won't write what it is, some may well read here.  Nothing fancy, just... a pleasant little thing in life.

Well, on to food.  Medicine too.  Oh, the pills I thought I was out of?  I am, but because I used them in the pill dispenser, as far as they would go.  I think I have a week or two of them.  So, all good, not actually out of those.  I will try to order more quickly, next time.  They are set to only offer a month of medicine, instead of the usual three months.  But because we weren't sure if these would do.  Still not sure, so... I'm... sort of stuck.  But I don't want to increase the dose until I am more sure.

After some misses, I want to give them a few more days, then begin checking bp again.  So, I really need to make sure and hit the meds super on it, every dose, every day.  I need to see exactly how these are doing with bp.  Especially since I reduced carvedilol.  I haven't tested that aspect yet.  Gah... trying.  Doing well really.  But falling a bit, in the cold.  I'll keep at it.

Odd how things work.

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The baked chicken, by the way, was excellent.  I have had half the pieces.  With skin, this time.  Absolutely wonderful.  While putting it into the food logger, I... saw something odd.  So, I checked something else.  I added the rest of the chicken drumsticks, with skin, to the daily menu.  And?  And... I got to the right amount of protein and fat!  Well, with what else I ate.

I am cutting the fats I am adding to my breakfast and coffees, teas, etc.  A tablespoon per.  Some days I will have more, other days... most days... less.  As well, coconut milk on some occasions, which cuts more, especially as I use less.  Still, the trick is to figure out how to eat the rest of that chicken!  That is a lot of food.  Well, and I am trying to finish it by 18:00.  Which, I don't think is possible.  As is, I am probably going to have to push it two more hours.

Delicious, but that is a lot of food.  A bit high on carbs (due to a potato, if half of the carbs are fiber from chia seeds).  But only 3 over, so... doable, and it won't be every day.  I was under my limit of fats, by a bit.  Which is good.  And over on protein, which is excellent.  Assuming I can finish it all.  Oh, and one more fatted drink.  Still under calories by 32.  I... can live with that.

I will have to see about chicken thighs.  While chicken has been a bit off, lately, the tricks my mother taught me, to brine the chicken, as well adding vinegar... soaking in that for an hour... really helps get rid of that bad taste.  Further, not over-cooking helps a good deal.  More?  I don't cook it in it's juice.  I set it up, so it drains that.  And more properly, or nearly, roasts rather than steams or broils or such.  A dry cooking process.  Fantastic.

I'll try to finish it off, in an hour or so.  I'll be taking just a slight amount of fast acting insulin, to get things in trim.  I will be doing a second set of chores tonight.  Feeding the girls two or three more times.  Though, even with what was left on the chicken bones, they are going to have a good night.  Pulling the bins back, from the curb, and getting a shower too?  Right.

Oh, and if I didn't mention, I did call the VA, ordering medicine and setting up another appointment.  They keep wanting an office visit.  I keep refusing.  As soon as they stop the genocidal policies, I'll come back in.  No mask, no push for the anti-vax, none of it.  If they want to kill people, I will leave them to kill the idiots.  Not my gig.  If they want to murder me, they will have to do it honestly.

Well... on to digesting supper... dinner?  Yes, dinner.  Supper is yet to happen, if the food is already cooked.  Oh, and I'll think about setting up to boil hamburger tonight... for tacos tomorrow, and other things.  I just hope I can handle that lean of burger.

Something they suggest, is that boiling fattier burger will only take it to about 90 to 93 percent lean.  The question is, is it more expensive to render fattier burger, or purchase leaner burger.  The thing is, boiling (or frying, draining, then rinsing) only gets it to about 90 to 93 percent.  Doing those processes to 90 percent lean (or more) beef removes no fat or calories.  I may way the burger, before and after, then compare prices.  It may or may not be more expensive to render.  As well, it would be far easier to simply buy leaner burger, and not have to mess with it.  Currently, 85% lean is $5.50 a pound?  Crazy, but... so, it really might be cheaper to buy the 93% lean (what my store offers as the leaner choice).  I'm not sure what their ground turkey or pork is, though, either.  And, yes, it's all the same, based on the percent lean, not on the base meat.  So, when someone says ground turkey is leaner?  It might be, or not.  Unless you know the number, the meat isn't automatically leaner because of what it is, as they add or subtract fats, from other sources of necessary.  Nothing is, these days, offered as is.  Bleh.

Well... so full.  I'll try to get more chicken in.  Hope I can.  Later.

Supper was perfect.

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Well, as close I can do.  Nothing terribly fancy.  Grilled blade chops and a baked potato with butter and sour cream.  The potato done to perfection, then beaten like a starch egg.  With the butter and raw sour cream lending flavor and fat... similar but not quite the same... fat and flavor that is.  One can be the other, often is.  But, both can be quite different.

As well, finished chores, a goodly bit ago.  I am hoping to set up the waterers again today.  The hydrant, of course, is frozen solid again.  So, I won't be messing with it for a while.  Though, if some day happens to warm a bit, I will take advantage and work on it.  Beside the hot air gun, I have some torches.  I may put one of those into action as well.  Hit it top and bottom.  Hoping nothing breaks.

I'll get trash out, and recycling too I believe.  Most of it is out.  All needed is a few bags, light stuff.  It may well work out quickly.  Another shower?  Maybe.  I am getting excited about having a commercial trash bin, to begin going through things.  A bag here, twenty boxes ready to go upstairs, maybe more.  Sacks to be filled, boxes to be broken down, even some furniture to go.  I don't think the old bed will fit, but the trailer will work for that, and some couches.  I... plan to strip the house down to floors walls and ceilings, mostly.  Then clean right down to what is possible of shine.  Then... make some decisions.

A visiting half owner, a traveler, keeping, or leaving.  I just... don't know.  I have been dragging my feet on this part for a thousand reasons.  The greatest of these is uncertainty.  I'm... still not certain.  Then again, even as I go, or stay, do, or do not, decisively?  I am never certain.  It is merely, that once the mind is decided, and the body condones or acquiesces?  Then, to within it and my powers, it will be done.  Amen.

Well... On to digesting a fantastic meal.  Yes, too many calories, if still less than what I had been eating by a long shot.  Yes, too many fats.  If less than I had been eating.  Yes, too many carbs.  No, not enough protein, but, more than before.  The trend is good.  I needed food, real, solid, whole, good, hot, food.  And so it was.  As well, I am... beginning to move the needle in as right of a direction as is possible.

Next time?  Half a potato... thus half the butter and sour cream.  Check.  Next time?  Maybe begin cutting the cream, from a quarter cup to a tablespoon?  For both the breakfast and coffee?  Sure.  But how to figure in more protein.  Eggs, egg whites?  But what to do with the egg yolks?  Freeze, for things?  Cook, then freeze, for things?  I should check what they might be good for?  Homemade mayo.  What else?  I'll... check the keto idea sources.

Now, I did finish within the four hour window.  Only because I didn't start until 14:00, I believe.  Or later.  Hmm, didn't take my dubious vitamins.  Still have time.  They... may cause (if a minor) blood sugar reaction.  So, I like to take those during food times.  Most of my stuff doesn't, but two... being good in all other ways... do.  I... do my best.  I have limits, but I... do what is possible.  Later.

Awake, a bit late, but...

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Am I off, or do I keep running into being awake late because of attempts at getting things negotiated correctly?  A bit more of the latter, though some of the former.  I still believe, with a bit of effort and patients, I can steal daytime back.  I have never been able to do that before.  But... things have... changed.

Awake around noon.  It's already 13:30.  I haven't gotten to chores yet, but I did clean the cat litter.  Which... is staying amazingly good.  If nothing else, tending cat litter exemplarily really makes the world better for everyone in the house.  Fresh water, frequent feeding, treats, and personal attention is also good for all.

Eating, too, rightly.  Medicine, now that I have the right stuff.  I still slip, nothing I can do about that.  I am been taking medication, of all sorts, for the most part, so well, that I have only missed, say, four doses in a month?  Given that I am still rather crippled, lame, off, this is not bad.  That it is deep winter, dark, cold.  This is exceptional.  Summer has it's own problems, as do spring and fall.  High winter and summer are the most difficult.  Doing very well for December and into January.  Oh, but I need to reset medicine.  Today!  Out, otherwise.

I do believe, as well as tracking food, and creating limits, I will begin limiting fluid.  Currently, I may be drinking up to six or more 16.9 fl. oz. bottles of water a day.  Which, to one degree, is fine.  But to another, not so much.  Four is the goal, without stress for less.  I will allow tea and coffee, without consideration, since they are self limiting and parts of meals at times.  Some of it is financial.  These cost, much more than water, even through the reverse osmosis system.  Some of it is trying to limit that much hydration.  I'm simply not convinced it is necessary or good in some way.  I may even try to cut to three a day.

I have thought about fruit and vegetable infused waters, say cucumber and... something, or raspberry and lime.  But those would be an improbable mess to try to maintain, and expense.  The idea is wonderful, the practicality is nigh on impossible for a single cripple.  Even one a day, made, rotated, kept fresh, cleaned out as needed, would be a lot of work, and expense.  Though, there is the idea of vinegar waters, and such, which would be a good way to keep apple cider vinegar flowing and fresh.  Though, in winter, having that cold wouldn't be necessary.  So it can be made on the fly.  Only in summer, sometimes, would having a few quart jars of that in the fridge, be quite nice.

Blood sugar is still a bit high today.  I've been failing to monitor and manage blood sugar.  Why?  I... am just having difficulty functioning.  I'll keep at it, and will get back to it.  It is cold out there, and is staying cold.  It was 10 when I checked a bit ago.  I doubt it will warm today.  Oh, it was 157 fasting.  Sucks, but... has definitely been better.

Oh, well, and food is being tricky.  Hungry, too hungry for my allotted calories.  So, I have been eating, and after my food window.  Something has to give.  Perhaps I simply have to set weight loss aside, at some times.  As well, sometimes, perhaps, I won't be able to eat in the four, or even six, hour window.  Until I can... acclimate.  Or if the weather doesn't support the diet?  Sometimes things have to give.  Willpower is one thing, reality is another.  Currently I am exceeding too many limits.  So... so I eat, as needed.  I'll keep it keto.  I will aim at higher protein, lower fat, and even lower carbs.  I will keep my goals in tact, even as I exceed them.  But, I... need food!  Ugh.

I am not going to lie to you.  I am not going to lie to me.  I have hit... something.  And, currently, I can't get around it.  If I don't deal with it honestly, as able, I will end up just falling off completely.  I want to maintain an honest log, and dialogue... monologue actually... here, about this.  The truth may not set me free, but within it are the only possible mechanisms.  Is cold a limiting factor for a tighter diet?  Do I, with a bad heart, go through the same difficulties with a stricter diet that I do with simply taking meds, when health seems to stumble?  Things... like that.  Frustrating?  Sure.  But... I need to know, understand, work through, but in the light of truth... not some fancy of how I want it to be, how it could or should be... according to my ego or even intellect.  The truth might hurt, but it teaches, advises, and is a step toward wisdom.

Later.

Merry Christmas.

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Noon, and some.  Sore too.  I couldn't sleep well going back to bed.  And, my mattress was out of alignment, the top with the bottom mattress.  But I was so tired when I went back in that I didn't realize.  Like sleeping on a speed bump!  Which, in part, is why I slept so late.  Couldn't get good sleep.

Still, all good.  Still thinking about that dream last night.  It is as if my eyes are still dilated beyond the planes of flesh.  As if still seeing into the sun... Sun.  I can see why, if others had 'dreamed' of being in His presence, without knowing Him through Christ and the book, might well think He is the sun god.  Without context... yea.  And... such dreams are not... easily set aside.

Wasn't there a pharaoh who believed there was only one true god, and that it was a sun god?  I think, through history, there were others who made similar claims.  Gilgamesh's wife had similar things being presented, but she was an creature of altogether evil, if you ask me.  Anyway...

Their litter, first thing, then fed.  When I wake this late, I will feed them.  Next, I have breakfast going.  It will be late, but Hopefully within the hour.  Then, to eat the rest by 17:00... to eat all within the four hour range.  A call and a few texts.  Don't wish to disturb.  Never sure when to send, trying to not hit their meal times.  But some eat it at noon, others in the early afternoon, and some don't eat their feast until regular dinner time.  It's... a trick.  I'll do my best.

Blood sugar is 96.  Oh, but it doesn't look like I am losing any weight?  Then again, I weighed myself at the end of the day.  But, fully unclothed, I weighed 276.6?  Bleh.  I have averaged nearly two hundred calories under the supposed weight loss calorie count for the last nine days.  So... I'll have to begin cutting everything all over again.  BUT!  I did maintain.  So, potentially, I know where the zero is.  The trick is to figure out what a maintenance caloric intake is... at that level, THEN, figure out how much I really need to cut.  I will tinker with some of the programs, see where to go from here.  But, it's a start, and I did very well.  It should make a four hour eating window, for intermittent fasting, much easier.

Thankfully, there have been days I have gone five hundred less calories, and even less, without too much difficulty.  Though I have to admit, I will most likely have to eat higher fats, to tolerate that much lower calories.  Not for the necessity to burn, but for the satisfaction.  Proteins aren't... satisfying.  Carbs and fats are satisfying, if carbs are short run satisfactions.

Oh, but on the good side?  Blood sugar is... very well controlled.  Sure, I am using insulin.  But, I have always been using insulin.  I have done this before.  For whatever reason, this is working for that.  Now to get weight loss as a part of it.  Yes, I think it is possible, maybe.  It just won't be as easy as it seemed like it might be.

It does look like it snowed, but certainly not five feet as some were suggesting.  How much I can't yet tell.  Cats first, then I forgot to step out to see.  One second...  Ah, it looks like, whatever we got, only about an half inch remains.  And, it is 35 out there, so it won't last long.  I may get the plow going today, just to... make sure it doesn't ice over.

I had as good of a Christmas as one could wish, at least as an adult.  A dream?  Okay.  A wonderful one.  Amen.

Warm out there.

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Well, given the givens.  It was 36, and I read it carefully.  Things are melting, if not quite going in a hurry.  I tried the hydrant.  The handle lifted, but nothing flowed.  I left it that way, meaning to get the heat gun out and get it going when I finished chores.

Their waterers had been frozen, but were in the process of thawing.  I don't think the nipples were running clean, but most of the volume in the bottles were liquid.  And, it looks like they drank most of the water yesterday.  All good.  And, I left a fresh, warm, hank of meat for the feral black tom.  Usually he bolts when I get in there.  This time not so much.  I could hear him back in a corner.  Wasn't happy with me so close, but sure liked the smell of warm meat.  I talked at him a bit.  Couldn't see him.  He lightly growled, a time or three.  All good.  I like the lad.

As I was doing a few last things, inside, I went to wash my hands, but the water was very slow.  Ah!  The hydrant must have started running.  And, yes, it had.  So, I got the girls fresh water, then filled two buckets for setting up waterers for the next few days.  Plus, I already refilled all the waterers from yesterday and maybe before.  So... all good.  All done.  But... 36?  In later December?  I'll take it.

Oh, well... Breakfast is getting ready.  Late, but so be it.  I should be able to eat the planned meals by 18:00.  The thing with intermittent fasting is, you really have to have the start, and end, times be accurate, or you miss the benefits.  Not like it is a major difficulty, at least in my situation.  Just, if I start, say, at 13:00, then I only have five hours to eat.  

Which is why I would really like to get to four hours.  That actually gives me a little time, on either side, if I miss.  I really don't mind, in that case, a five hour eating schedule one or two days a week.  It gives me some slack.  Whereas six hours is pushing getting any benefit, so one hour more does mean a lot.  Bleh.  The thing is, it takes some mojo to get to eating enough calories with the right macros in four hours.  As is, I am having to cut back on calories, and macros of course, in order to do six hours.  Can I put that in four hours of feeding?  I... maybe.  Not quite yet, but maybe.

I best get to eating.  I am having sardines again, for 'lunch'.  Then the last portion of pork for supper.  It's... getting old.  But it has served me quite well.  Later.

The black tom.

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Feral, very young, but still around.  Not in the garage anymore.  Probably got too big for the path he had been using to get in.  Still, not all that big.  If having to beg, borrow, and steal for food.  Once I realized he beds in the rabbit outbuilding, I decided to make him more welcome.  I took him dry food out tonight.

He has been there every night for the last two, when I checked.  I am sure he will be glad for the food.  I might get him some of the extra wet canned food, as Sassy is just getting too fat, and Sam remains skinny no matter how often she eats.  But she wants to eat more often.

Yea, I could feed the girls more often, and just scrape a tablespoon out of each pot, and take that too him at night, or in the morning, when I go out.  If he doesn't end up eating it, I'll stop.  But... my guess is, even frozen, he'll chow that down like a happy fool.  

I kept think I was supposed to be on six hours?  Feed time?  It's... not possible.  I will either have to cut foods, just try to keep that macro balance I want.  But cut calories, by a lot.  I can't do three meals in six hours.  Can I work with 1,300 to 1,500 calories?  I suppose I could add nuts, but then I'd have to really hit chia to balance, which... has problems itself.  Ugh.

I may see if I can handle just the equivalent of two meals.  It seems to work okay.  While I will eat a third meal tonight, from now on, not so much.  Though, too, if I want to eat little things, in there, I will.  Like a peanut butter and celery and carrot plate in there somewhere, or a can of sardines or cod liver.  Oh... now I have easily keto doable crackers, for the canned fish and fish offal!  That... really helps, especially with the whole cod livers.  Though not a whole can at once... a bit rich for even me.

I did get out to check on the rabbits.  I am going to check later in the afternoon.  It looks like things had just mostly frozen up.  Still some gurgling when tipped, but mostly frozen in there.  And, since they hadn't needed feed, earlier, I checked.  They certainly were happy for feed now.  And fresh water.

Hey, it's not a super life.  It's a little life.  A humble life.  But I enjoy it.  And life is getting better.  Bit by bit, somehow.    Blood sugar is 113.  I took 4 to 6 cc's with my last meal.  Good call.  Sure, trying to run a razor's edge.  But... doing it.  I have the slow acting already in the syringe.  I'll take night meds with supper.  It was supposed to be 12 ounces of pork.  But that is just too much.  And, I cut 10.xxx and didn't want to try another slice.  Further, while it heats, it will render to more like 9.0 to 9.5 ounces.  All good, I am stuffed.  Sam and perhaps the tom will get a handsome piece of that.

You know?  Trying to eat regularly, if you cook a bigger piece of meat, it really... lasts... well.  By eating more, however, I end up eating a lot less.  How that works is odd, but true.  On a regulated diet, I am not wasting, either.  I will far more easily be able to shop, cook, and eat.  This amazes me.  Women used to do this, and were considered nearly mythical.  Now that I know, I find it a shame that they don't do this anymore.  Many can't, most just as well won't or wouldn't.  Sad.  It's so easy, and vital.  Women are just too lazy and self-centered these days.

I only had a few women who cooked.  I tried to cook, but had no real knowledge, so was edging toward excesses in every way.  Fat is fine, to a point.  Sugar, if you aren't diabetic, is okay in small portions.  But when you deep fry fatty sugars?  Yea.  Oh, it was tasty.  It just... it was killing us.

Yes, it looks like I may be cutting back to 1,300 to 1,500 calories.  That will be good, for a long way in the the (to my mind improbable) weight loss program.  And, with me weighing in with clothes on, I'm back to the start.  But... all good.  And, with fats being cut by proportion?  Could be good.  Though I am going to shoot for higher protein.  I am going to try to hit that.  So, fat will be a bit lower than before?  Hmm... I'll... figure it on the fly.  Later.

Well, actually, hey... you know?

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The girls and I arrived at meal time at the same time.  I fed them first, of course.  And they seem satisfied.  They are almost learning that three hours is what it takes.  Not a given time, but after I wake.  Don't like it?  Take it up with management.  They are satisfied.  Me?  Way too full.  I could not finish the meal, but pushed to do so.

Why push?  If... the meal was random?  That would be one thing.  Eating everything made, just because it is available, is one thing.  But when the calories, macros, and else were planned, and on a heavy weight loss calorie intake?  No, I want to eat it all.  I... just couldn't.  Oh, but I found a way to add calories and keep the macros fairly similar.  Adding a cup of pecans to the fatted coffee lunch!  That puts it to one calorie under, and the macros slightly heavier fatside, which... is okay.

Every day is a bit more practice with the food, intermittent fasting, app, and else.  I am not only able to do, but to learn, remember.  I still don't believe in weight loss.  But that isn't the whole point, and my belief, or doubt, means little.  I have been told, found a device and foods which allow me to do, so... I do.

I reset waterers.  I thought I would be changing out waterers, when I checked on them midafternoon.  Nope.  They are still running.  Cold?  Sure, but still flowing.  So, that was that.  And, it is 24 degrees F out there.  So it's not like it warmed.  But the sun is shining.  And actually has some warmth to it.  Some days it does, shine or not.  Some days it doesn't.  Still, I'll be ready for them tonight.  At least for afternoon and evening, all I have to do is waterers.  Oh, and to be honest?  I think the rabbits were actually pleased to see me.  Even with their waterers flowing, just... to be checked... makes life seem safer, better.

A fatted coffee shortly.  And pecans, I guess.  Some gaming while I consume and digest.  Then, maybe, dishes after I am ready.  Then a break and more dishes?  Or more action on the soaked dishes?  Then supper, whenever I can.  Trying to push the timing...  Next week or the week after, I would like to be at a four hour eating window.  If I start squeezing, from time to time, if not exactly, now... then I'll be in better shape for that.  Whether I just stay with that, which seems better, or move to a one meal a day thing, is another issue.  I am thinking the four hour eating window is best.  Though, as rough as things can get, some days that might end up being one meal... long, heavy, light, or short.

Ah, bp is 122/78 with a pulse of 67.  That is good.  Good enough for a keeper.  Blood sugar is 132.  I will have a small dose of fast acting with lunch.  Yeah, I'll get on to a fatted coffee and pecans now.  Supper in two to three hours.  I'm not all that hungry, but... it's time.  And I really suspect, in time, with the heart and blood sugar being managed, and if I eat what is needed, I may begin building, being strong again.  Or... stronger.  It's a potential opportunity I don't want to miss.  Later.

Little changes.

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I forgot to add cheese to the salad.  Bleh!  So, I... went looking for a replacement, as a sort of aftermeal snack.  Cheese slices?  Right, but to make a cup, I would have to eat eight slices.  Just too much.  So, I went with four, then looked over the nuts.  Brazil, 10 whole, it seems, fit.  Now, I went over calories by 186, so roughly 10% (while still easily in the weight loss calorie set), but hit proteins and some small more, and exactly fats, plus pushed the carbs down to 12%.

Some of this still doesn't make a lot of sense.  But, I'll keep at it.  Oh, and my food time is all in five hours.  I'm not pushing for four, quite yet.  But six.  And, this worked today.  I don't mind getting it all done a bit quicker.  So long as it is under six I am fine.  Though I don't want to push four, quite yet.  Pushing things can cause... problems.

Still, I am surprised how easy it is to manage mistakes, recover one way or another, and keep it going.  Not perfect.  I would like to learn to manage food a bit better, and be more precise.  And I'll... probably... get there before long.  Tomorrow I am planning on a smaller taco salad, and then a pork roast cut.  More meat tomorrow, I'll sort fats and carbs around it.  Maybe, if still hungry, a salad in the middle?  No, too much lettuce just isn't fun.

Oh, heck, I can set it up now!  And, just, sort of be ready to go.  If I change my mind, that is doable.  One of my keto gurus suggests 7 cups of the right vegetables a day, allowing for much more carbs as he doesn't count those.  I count them, I just... don't mind them.  Though that much seems a bit much, at least to me.  Still, I... keep it in mind, and will tinker with it.

The trick is to keep up on groceries, dishes, cooking...  I am surprised how well I have done these first days though.  And, with the scale out, I... will become much more precise, accurate, with my measurements.  I also need to learn how to edit things.  I hate doing "by piece", for example with the brazil nuts.  I would much rather have a weight.  And, I think it is possible to edit brazil nuts so that it will work.  While setting up my meals for tomorrow, I will see about editing items.

Next, I want to fill waterers.  Then take a break.  Then do chores and get the ones brought in thawing.  If I can keep up on waterers, I really may do chores three times a day.  Sure makes me tired, but I need to wear out.  With the right macros, I may actually, in time, if I keep pushing, get... better.  God knows, literally, that I am doing my best, have been.  I just... didn't have the tools.  Now, maybe, I do.  Amen.

Okay, learning the tool.

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I am slowly relearning the app, for food logging.  Not only can I see how things are, but how I want them to be.  Now, I ate too many carbs today, but all of veggies.  A, nothing I can do about it; b, since they are of veggies, I don't mind.  If just of veggies, or chia, I allow up to double.

Anyway, while I can't do anything about what was eaten, I can change what will be eaten to fill out the calories, proteins, and else to a better fit.  I was going to have a chia breakfast, then six ounces of pork roast.  But, I think I will alter that, after looking at the potential macros and calories.

I had set up to have 16 ounces, of pork, but that was too much.  Then I looked at 12 ounces, closer.  But I need more protein.  Not... sure what I could eat to add protein?  Ah, perhaps a cup of burger, on lettuce... a taco salad?  Let me check that.  

I need to go back, look over my numbers, and reset the fat, protein, and carb daily intake.  It keeps freaking me out, when I look, and it is way over the limits.  But, from a time when I had different goals.  Now, 150 grams of protein is nearly there, not a bad.  But, yes, after I do that I'll take a look again.

There we go.  Now I have learned, as well, how to check the day, and the meal, for calories, all of the macros independently, plus a ration.  Very very good.  Now, setup up my menu is much easier.  If I am thinking of a food, or group of foods, I can put them in, change amounts, or pull them all and start over!  For today?  For supper, 2 cups of ground burger, 2 cups of lettuce, and an ounce of english walnuts.  It may be a strange mix, but I'll have the nuts as a snack.  Oh, I have more calories.  I wonder how much cheddar would add?  I need more fats, as well, mostly, sort of.  I'm... still learning.  But I am learning.

Perfect, or thereabout.  I went 36 calories over, adding an half cup of cheddar to the taco salad.  Protein slightly high, fats slightly low, carbs... as mentioned... high... but already eaten.  Can't uneat it and you just try to disgorge it, fucker.  :p  I'm... not that... kind of girl.  Anyway... super.  Now to actually get that down my gullet before 20:00.  Hmm... it's just at 15:10.  I... might try to push it to be done by 18:00... staring on the six hour intermittent fasting.  That is for this week, maybe next.  Then I want to push it to four hours of feeding a day.  After a few weeks of that, then begin two day wholecloth fasting every week or every other week.

When I hit 240, then begin adding in some sort of exercise.  Not heavy, not long.  Perhaps half hour walks two times a week.  As well, maybe some sort of weight resistance or lifting.  Light, but on several levels.  If that works, eventually stretch walks to longer and more frequent, with the intention of getting back into swimming.  Swimming and moderate weight lifting, if doc thinks so... or maybe not.

Running before I am walking.  Can't even get a shower every day I want it, break down boxes, or do dishes currently.  So...  Still, one can hope.  Later.

A late dinner, again?

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Maybe.  Actually, after running the numbers, no.  No indeed.

I did get pretty close to calories, and macros?  Fat 76%, carbs 5%, and protein right at 19%?  Wow.  I didn't even... try.  I just added meat in.

Sure, I could lower the fats, replacing it with protein.  And I will.  While I don't, and I agree, need fats at that level, it does make it easier to compact meals into a certain timeframe... which I did perfectly tonight... starting my first meal at 12:30 in truth, and finishing my last meal at 19:45.  I still had forty five minutes.

Tomorrow, though, pork roast will be ready.  Just slice and heat.  And, I would rather the heavier part of it early, it just didn't work out that way today.  But, when the roast is already cooked, that becomes easy.  And, I was rather happy with the food.   Okay, a hundred twenty light on calories.  But that is fine.  I only used 19.8 of my carbs, and a reasonable portion were from fiber... 12... something are chia seed fiber.  Excellent.

Wow, I didn't think it would be possible to get macros and calories all right.  I just ate, and it happened.  I... doubt if it was, at all, happenstance.  I knew what needed to be added, if not how much.  Then, I just ran with what tasted and seemed right, some new, some old.  There was thought in there, just... not that exacting of consideration.  Very, very, nice.  Now, too, I have a very much better idea of what it takes.

I didn't get out to thaw the hydrant.  But I have the kit ready.  And, yes, that took a while to round up.  Tomorrow.  Perhaps first thing?  Well, to give it a try.  On to bed, very shortly.  I need to get night pills and slow acting insulin in.  My last blood sugar, a bit close to my last meal but... was 113.  I'll also try to check blood pressure in the morning.  I guess I really have to take medicines first thing.  I just... have to.  Some of the vitamins can wait until later, but general meds, yes.  Right away.  One more bottle of water, pills and insulin, then on to bed.  Goodnight.

Chores.

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The rabbits needed water, badly.  However, this time most of them were half finished.  So fresh is very good, but not quite as desperately needed as yesterday.  They hadn't eaten most of their food, so I didn't add any.  I will check tonight, adding to those who need.  Their food consumption is definitely tied to their liquid intake.  I'll do my best for them... twice a day is about as good as I can do.

I tried the hydrant again.  Nope.  It's frozen.  I'll just have to use indoor water for them and the cats, so I refreshed the girls' water and got a bucket ready for refilling waterers.  When they thaw, that is.  I'm not sure the ones from last night are thawed.  Hard, solid, frozen in weird ways, some of them.

The strange thing is that it is only 19 F out there.  It isn't all that terribly cold.  I just don't quite get it.  It hit fast, went to more normal temps for this part of the year.  But not even as bad as it has gotten before, or usually?  Both, mostly.  I did find a pair of gloves crossed with mittens, and use those when I go out.  I put them under my jacket, which I wear around the house even when I keep it up to 75!  I put them in my arm pits, so whenever I need or want to go out, I have warm gloves.  Woolen, mostly, if you can believe adverts these days.  If so, thin, though lined with something.  Not the warmest things, but good if to mittenize, or open up and have fingers available without taking off the whole glove.

Blood sugar is 108.  Just... fine.  BP is actually a bit high, at 132/82 with a pulse of 67 though?  Strange.  I have been wearing a belly band.  I wonder if that is interfering?  I released it, got a bit lower reading but not much.  Hmm...  Oh well.  The pulse is better than I ever had it.  In my best condition, it ran ~80.  BP used to be rather normal.  And, yes, I took medicine an hour or two ago.  From now on I will loosen my belly band an hour or two before testing.

Hmm... something to eat?  I still need to fry the burger.  Though, really, that is for later.  A cheese sandwich, a portion of pork rinds with a touch of hot sauce, and perrier.  Sounds good to me.  I am going to try to eat all within an eight hour window.  So, after this lunch, I'll want to eight in a few hours.  Just, say, two hours.  That way I can test after eating.  But I best get to eating.  This will be the beginning of intermittent fasting.

In time, I will squeeze that down to six hours, then maybe four... or go to one meal a day?  We'll see how it works out.  Then, every two weeks, fasting.  Have to be careful with insulin.  Might have to cease taking it while fasting?  I think so.  Might mess up blood sugar in the short run, but worth it in the long run.  Perhaps stopping all insulin the day before I begin fasting, then fast for two days.  Yeah, probably... if I get to that point.  Then again, a plan is what you take into failure, in order to sort out what really needs to happen, isn't it?  Yes.  Just shake your head yes.  Or be quiet, meaning you haven't done these things before, without someone telling you what to do.  You are welcome!

Yes, on to a lunch.  Some more gaming.  And, then... actually cooking the burger first, then to gaming, on a timer, so I eat shortly enough.  Ugh.  Later.

A different way to heat food.

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I have been reviewing techniques regarding the instant pot device.  One way to cook vegetables, for example, is the zero minute technique.  What you do with that is set the pressure cooker part up, close it all down, then let it run with zero set as the time.  What the machine does is heats and pressurizes the cooker, then immediately begins cooling down.

With some vegetables, that will cook them without turning them into mush.  What I wanted to see is if this will heat the food back up, for a quick lunch.  Everything was still in the pot.  So I didn't have to change anything out, or put it into a different pot, or... just... heat and let it go.

As to heating up a pot roast and veggies?  It was excellent!  The meat didn't get more done, and the veggies are still good.  I probably overdid the veggies initially, but they haven't gotten worse.  And the meat is still good.  Further, the food stayed warm while eating it.  At altitude... ~4400 feet here... food tends to get cold quickly, especially when there is snow or rain as now, and when it's cold enough for snow.

It worked perfectly.  I had a fine big plate of cabbage, pork roast, some potato, parsnips, and some carrot.  Full as can be, and sated with it.

I keep hearing that snacks are best avoided?  Actually, I agree.  The problem is, if I am hungry, making a whole meal isn't always possible.  I have limits.  Then, if I go too hungry for too long, remaining unable to eat a whole meal while denying snacks, I will end up feasting on anything and everything until some form of satiation is reached.

It might not be intermittent fasting, but eating only whole meals may lead more quickly to that.  Which is a goal.  And, it... is a form of intermittent... by steps.  Snacks lead to general grazing, and grazing is a horrible way to eat.  It means never being hungry, or properly sated, just in a food/satiation limbo.  Definitely need to stop snacking.  Nuts?  With kefir, and cheese?  It becomes a meal.  As with other things I have been known to use as snacks.  Add a few other things, make it a meal albeit a small one.  Yes.

I am trying to keep ingredients somewhat ready.  From meat crumble, already fried... to meat and stock ready for a quick soup, along with various fresh vegetables available.  That isn't always possible though either.  Sardines and a few other items are being added to the larder.  Even so, I am attempting to work toward eating a fuller meal.  Not just sardines, but, say, sardines, pickles, and maybe a pack of fruit or veggies.  

As much a nutrition thing, as it is a general health and maintenance thing.  Snacks, or piecemeal foods don't seem to fill or present what the body needs.  The body begins to seek by flavor, and that... isn't how food should be, not completely.  There needs to be some room for that, and a requirement of suitable flavor.  But it can't be just about flavor, texture, or such.

Think of tastes, how many you have?  Try to add something that will hit each of those notes, possibly several, or in different ways.  Including umami.  Further, consider textures, or at least the ones you like.  Crisp?  A pickle, or fresh lettuce?  Medium hard, say a potato or softer pickle?  Soft?  Perhaps an egg of some sort, or jello?  Try to combine foods to mix and match those.

Take care of both your needs and wants, curiosities and interests.  If you don't tend your body, it will tend itself.  Think of it as a child.  When you deny a child for too long, that child... even a good one... will figure out how to get what it wants.  The child, though, has to be disciplined as well.  It's... not easy, but worth a try.  Which is what I am doing.

There is enough for another meal or two.  I will just eat through this.  I was hungry, for good food.  I haven't been eating well, too tired.  Medicine has been cutting me down.  So... having a good meal helps.  And having an easy way to heat it also works well.  This should feed me for a today, maybe into tomorrow.  Then, perhaps, a whole chicken.  Or... parted?  Getting the skin off, making schmaltz and gribenes for with eggs, too?  Oh yes.

I do need fresh vegetables.  I don't think I can get out today.  But, perhaps, I can do dishes, get a shower, clean in the bathroom, and maybe be ready to try to get out tomorrow or the day after.  So tired.  Medicine, the cold, the dark.  But... I refuse to quit.  I will... keep trying.  Good day. 

I have done what I could.

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The dishes set up were done, dried, set to air dry.  then another two small groups were put to soak.  I had really hoped to finish those, so as to get a shower in, and then finish... or start... the last load of laundry.  Too weary.  Perhaps even too tired.  Even so, it was a good night.  I did a quarter of those last dishes.  And I have been cleaning and clearing in very small areas and short periods of work.

It is well past time to get to bed, as there is nothing else to be done tonight.  I would like a bit to eat though.  I am simply not sure what.  I am almost too tired to think it through, but I would like to figure something out.  I have been working at eating a bit every three to five hours.  Currently, it isn't absolutely out of a pure animal hunger.  It is more trying to keep my macros... fats, protein, and carbs, on some sort of even keel.

Well, and, I do need to eat.  No doubt.  Further, another part of trying to eat regularly and well, is to begin aiming at intermittent fasting.  Why?  Well... if I eat enough, even to boredom, which happens quickly on keto, then it is easier to begin intermittent fasting.  It's a bit of a trick.  Strange that the hard way is the easy way, if you do it correctly.  The only problem with the whole schtick?  It... gets terribly boring.

I still think boredom is the root of as much sin as is the greed for gold.  Very odd that way, but I think true.  Gluttony is a sin, if the truth is, without a woman to run the home... even sometimes with one especially in these modern times, gluttony is how things end.  Even, technically, not working (my disability, to a degree, IS my work... it's what I do, or what causes me to not be able to be employed), I have a great deal of difficulty sorting out food.

It really takes a professional, conscientious, housewife.  Men cannot do these things.  It's... just the truth.  I am beginning to get better at it, but I will never be able to shop, clean, cook, manage the fridge, pantry, other stocks, and else.  It's beyond me.  Especially a healthy, which for me is keto, diet.  I... can do well, mostly, usually.  But... so much slippage, mistakes, waste.

Anyway.  I will figure something out.  Even a can of sardines, kefir, and tea?  If that's what is there.

Good night.

Hmm, I really... gotta say.

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Since I have been eating better, if falling back on that from time to time, something very good is happening.

Beyond surviving a very serious food pathogen thing, as if eating a merely disagreeable food rather than a potentially lethal one, there is more.  Vision is... clearing up.  It has been rough, for a while.  A year, two?  Yes.  Definitely a year.  Focus was becoming difficult.  More light helped, but... Something was just wrong.  Now I am having a return of levels of focus.  More?  That is still improving.  That liver was... it put something over the top if I had to bet.

Though things were beginning before that.  My body doesn't hurt as often, or as much.  I still hit little spells, like this morning.  But they are small things, limited in scope and volume.  Further, I think some of the hidden pain is going.  It's... not wall to wall in the background, at least not all of the time, now.  Something is just better.

Mental clarity is still a bit herky jerky.  It comes and goes.  But... connectivity between moments of clarity is... better.  I really think that will improve, it has, it is, it will.  Enough, along with the rest, to gain... regain?... a hold on my life?  To clean the house, manage animals better, manage the homestead more advantageously?  I... think so.

I am looking into cleaning materials and devices.  For the windows, for the carpets and rugs, for general household use.  I have some tools, but need chemicals, smaller and larger tool sets, and... probably skills and experience.  Of course, clearing out the house will be a priority.  Which means I need to do more boxing up, and breaking down of extra boxes, and sorting and storing... or tossing... various items.

That will take more than a return to some health, of body and mind, and clarity and memory.  It will take money, time, and a reasoned approach to the situation.  Plus, as mentioned, tools and skills, chemicals and practice.  I... am really thinking it might be possible.  Another week, or two... though starting meds might slow that...  Say, another month?  Of course, in the interim, I will be doing what I can.

I have been doing more.  Not enough more to truly pull out of the mess and get ahead.  But enough to stay ahead by enough to just barely keep up and then just a bit.  But I feel it coming, a change that could be miraculous.  So?  So more soup, more variations of probiotics, more offal, more keto, and probably... soon enough... back to intermittent fasting.  I am getting close.

Oh, for intermittent fasting?  As a starter kickoff?  The kefir whey I have been generally tossing.

A strange day.

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In one of the strangest real collections of days lived by one graced with flesh.

It is 44° F outside, on July 9th.  July 9th?  It happens.  The National Weather service reports it to be 47, of course.  Always warmer than it really is.  They use a local airport that is tarred and downwind of a midsized city.  And it is 20 miles away.  But these are features, not bugs, on their march to a one world government.  I wonder how many of these useful idiots realize what the game actually is?  I finally believe the majority of my fellow citizens understand, but with major voting areas, such as Cali, Ill , and NYC permanently rigged, and the rest going that way, I don't believe they have a voice.  If also no will to be heard.

I have set the alarms again, to six and eight.  Somehow the six was switched off.  I checked it before sleep, I know it was on.  I tell you, I am not alone here.  In any case, right at six I heard the alarm start to sound, but then not get going.  It starts with an odd click, then a very faint buzz... electronic purr, then slowly increases in volume and tone?  Something, I think tone too?  As well, light turns on dully, but begins getting brighter.  I swear I heard that initial run up, and thought I sensed the light, then it was as if it, any of it, hadn't happened.

When I found it, and looked at it, that alarm was not on.  Very strange.  Some odd forces working against me, some working for me, both cheating if one only uncheating the other's cheats?  I believe.  I don't have to like it, I simply must believe very real experiences or accept insanity, which I don't.  Don't let secular faith haters design your path toward the highway to hell they follow.  Final death is their greatest hope, and it will fail them.  All the piles of gold on earth will do them not a bit of good... weatherman, prince, politician... false pope.

Blood sugar is improving.  At 165 fasting and a 141 average, this is the best morning since the change?  At least since the changes took hold.  I won't be consuming calories until 16:00 today.  It often takes a bit, after I finally realize it is mealtime, then fixing something can take time.  I am often an hour late with a meal.  T's'okay.  I may fast tomorrow.  Then for three days.  As an 18:00 meal won't leave enough time to correct flaws by eating or eating and dosing, plus checking.  Yeah.  BP is 138/99 and a 73 pulse.

Perhaps a three day fast is exactly what is needed for a finer outcome, even for bp.  Since I am not secular, and all good things I do are God given, I will, from now on, fast with intentions or as a small adoration, as well as in glad penance.  This fast is to the adoration of Mary.  She has been with me, of late.  Not always a wanted companion.  And yet, as only Christ can fully know, a thorn in the side can be of the divinest grace.  Even this ogre now sees that, and welcomes discomforts when contemplating ills.

A shower, first thing.  Dishes reset after.  Perhaps a shot at some rods and curtains installed upstairs?  I can hope.  Good morning and day.