Almost bedtime.

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A steak, for supper.  Half of one.  The other half is for tomorrow, I guess.  Thought I was hungry.  Was hungry.  But, not... that hungry?  Hunger just isn't what it used to be.  All good.  I don't mind that.  Thought about having burgers, too.  But started with food too late.  If I eat earlier in the day, sometimes a second meal can be had.

Dang, now I am hungry.  Just not hungry enough to make anything, or... do anything about it.  Sardines?  But not right before bed.  The... smell...  It's the smell.  I'll dream on an empty stomach.  But... comfortably.  Curious if that takes my dreams into dangerous territory.

Actually, fighting demons, or some of my other kin, isn't bothersome.  War isn't either.  It's... loving and losing, the hardest of ways.  Losing loved ones.  Those sorts of things.  Or, evil I can't do anything about, and those who can don't.  That can be rough.  Even fighting with one of my past women is... more... a pleasant memory.  Even if it was a heck of a row in the day.  Though, to be honest, I enjoy those things even in the moment most of the time.  Which makes it so I really can't lose.  Way to thick skinned for most women to get me.  Even when they get me, it... just tickles.

Besides, I know women are fighting, half the time or more, for sex.  The lead in, or post-processing thing.  It makes it more interesting for them.  Trying to jump ahead doesn't work, though.  They want a full head of steam going into the tunnel.  :p

No work today, but I keep thinking on it.  I'll... get there.  So cool!  It was 68 by 19:00 tonight, 70 by 18:00.  I think the warmest I saw it was 74?  Crazy.  Couldn't have gotten too much warmer.  And I am cold!  Wearing official clothing, and I am cold?  Went through a few frigid moments.  Hot coffee helped, a small bit.  Not not really, too.  I'm wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, to boot.  Shoes and socks, yes.  My fingers and toes actually hurt, a bit, for the cool.

It's... coming.  Fast.  Hard.  That ain't fall in the air, that is winter.

I called my mother today.  She is having troubles.  Pulled her rib, or such.  I... know what she is talking about.  Rolled wrong, or lifted at the wrong angle, or... something.  Probably didn't realize it at the time, thought she had it.  So, if you would, a small prayer would be appreciated.  Her name is spelled m-o-m.  :p  But you could call her Geri.  :)  Look, like me or not, she is eighty, in a nursing home, and doing her best.  Don't do it, or not do it, for me.  Actually, you are doing it for yourself.  But... that's a whole other thing.

I'll get medicine tonight.  Got it this morning.  As well, got the fresh coffee.  I have to admit, it's... not as good as I remember.  The french press was ready.  An easy go.  I've tried regular coffee strength, and a triple shot of the stuff.  I couldn't tell the difference.  I had one of each type, back to back, to compare.  And, I'm telling you, there isn't much difference between freeze dried (if I mix several brands to even each of their weaknesses and bolster their strengths) and fresh ground.  I was... a bit appalled.  Then again, price difference?  There isn't much.  I wonder if the beans in the store are... dated, just not purchased often, not rotated through as it should be?  But it seems fresh?  Dunno.

One of the people I spoke with, yesterday, sort of impressed me.  I don't think she likes me, but that doesn't bother me much.  I... don't expect it, or need that.  She told me how long she has been married, though, in our talks.  I don't think I pleased her with my response.  But it's true, she has been married, give or take, longer than I have been alive.  

They were in their twenties.  Her husband is a bit older, and is now 80.  Doesn't have strength, for some things.  But can still drive the equipment.  Though she believes he'd rather not.  Has to?  No sons, or not enough, to take over?  Not sure.  Didn't want to push.  She usually talks to me, when I go to those things.  But I still think she doesn't like me.  That's... most of my relationships, even with women I have lived with.  Ha!  I don't know, but I have to laugh.  Women DON'T like me.  Hell, my mother doesn't even like me.  But, that... isn't what I need from women.  Kin to kissing, it's not about friendship.  Or even civility.  Just... had to laugh, thinking back.

Still, I... would not have guessed her age.  She has me by twenty years, give or take a few, and doesn't really look it.  Feeling, probably.  Always... tired... as we age.  That just becomes more and more profound.  Speaking with my mother, I could sense it with her.  Life is hard.  She is... becoming very tired.  I think she is more tired than even I.  The rubric has been crossed.  Age is harsh.  In this case, harsher than even seriously poor health.

Anyway, it's about bedtime.  Sleep well.  See you tomorrow.  God willing.

I made it out last night.

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Dinner invitation accepted.  As well, I saw a few new and old faces, spoke with them.  One was just a young man when I moved here.  They were just having a baby.  The baby... is now 7 1/2?  9 1/2?  Yes, time... flies.  Beautiful girl.  Everything a man would want from a daughter.  I make the wife nervous, but then my size really... is...  I am quite large.  And a stranger.  

I just try to be... very... gentle around such small fearful feminine types.  Actually, I generally try to present as sound and humble around most folk.  If we need to zoom, we can do that, but from the basis of peacefulness as the first option.  I can take even a few sucker punches, even now, without a sweat.

That went smoothly.

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Mostly.  I was able to sleep on my favored side, and with less of a problem than on the good side the night before.  More fluid is helping.  I did do medicines, yesterday, save a full dose of the water pill.  For a bit, I'll just take one.  Feel the need to take something, as the extra fluid was showing up in my feet.  Gah!  Try as one might, eh?

I will be trying to cut sweeteners again.  That gets out of hand, from time to time.  And, before I know it, it's become a problem again.  Creatures of habit, and stress makes self-control... difficult to nigh on impossible.  For me to be sure.  On the good side, blood sugar dropped forty points from yesterday, and is back under 200.  Fine, 187.  I haven't been writing it because it's been right at or more... if the highest, yesterday, was 227.  Weekly average is back up to 189.  Bleh.

Can't quite sleep.

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Just too many things today.  I made some mistakes, but who keeps a receipt email that long?  Usually I do, but... when they started saying it was on the way, just delayed?  I relaxed.  Tossed the receipt.  Didn't know I wouldn't be able to access it anywhere after that.  Used to be I could go online, to their site, and find it.

Strangely, later, after the mess, I was able to access it.  I wonder if their web site goes down for some, or no known, reason, from time to time?  I couldn't access my order, to check whether I was being dealt with fairly.  Had to go by what they were pricing it at today.  Who would have guessed that doubled in price?  Though, I can see why the rest of the order "got lost".

What a nightmare!

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Okay, the $121 rebate was... in the end... fair.  Okay.  But, I didn't have the original invoice, and couldn't connect online.  Their e-store wasn't allowing me to check my account.  So, I did the next best thing, looked up the product and calculated the price.

By THAT, I would have spent $290.  As it turns out, they just recently jacked the price up, must have nearly doubled the price.  Which... also explains why I didn't get the rest of the packages.  They sold them back, at the higher price.  Amazon does that sometimes.  If the price goes up, for some strange demand?  They'll pull shipments on the way.  It's just how they do it.

Retards.

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Calling in to Home Depot's online sales service is like speaking with dumb and dumber, on drugs.  Can't count, don't understand, nothing.  The email I received said everything was delivered.  They are saying it was supposed to say eight of the ten packages were received (but only four were).  As well, they are saying everything that actually arrived, arrived in one package, but it was two packages.

The woman I am speaking with... can't count.  Doesn't seem able to add.  I'm... not sure what she can do.  I have been put on hold twice.  While she?  Looks things up?  Talks to someone who can add, subtract, think, do?  Why is she there.  Ah, it's obvious why she is there.  I'll tell you, after this, I won't do this sort of work with Home Depot.  They are incapable of delivering goods.  Probably more shrink, from the inside.

Feeling better.

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Not the best, better.  Better than earlier, far better than yesterday.  Still pretty rough.  All good.

It is just hitting 60 outside, at 9:39 local time.  Definitely cool.  Fall, what else can I say.  It's looking to be trying to arrive early.  All good.  I'm enjoying the moderate weather.  Even here, near the computer, it is just now 69 F.  What a flirty number.

A spooky sleep?

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Yes.  I thought things were going well.  I went up got into bed, and... it hurt.  All along the centerline of my torso.  Remember when I suggested my neck hurt, as if an artery was having trouble, or as if an infection was in there?  Well, that became the centerline of my torso.  Something really hurt in there.  Laying on the right side was impossible.  The left side I could mostly tolerate.  Didn't try my back, seemed worse when rolling over.  Can't sleep on my belly.  So... The left it was.

I had some trouble getting to sleep.  I was half expecting something really bad to happen.  Death, or some event leading to it.  Over time, between fear fading, and sleep overtaking me, I went on to sleep.  Slept rather well.  Dreamed, of talking to people.  Lots and lots of people.  People I am pretty sure are dead, some from long ago and I just don't know, and people who are living for almost certain, and live nearby.  I caught myself talking out loud, a time or two.  Had to chuckle.

Better.

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A lot better.  I wasn't sure things would improve.  I was hoping for some improvement, but... the type of hope that doesn't... mean much.  The type of hope for the hopeless events.  I figured, if things improved, it would take... a while.  Sometimes even that sort of hope helps out?  Well, that, and attending what I suspected was wrong.

I have only been able to have two extra bottles of water today.  It's what I could do.  And while things have greatly improved, I am still in a bit of a fragile state.  Bending over, say to put Sassy's food down?  Still feels like my heart is going to fall out of a pocket, or some such.  And, a deep breath still reminds me, that deep down in, it still hurts.

Someone is... digging.

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Pointing, thinking, saying.  Okay.  But, yes, I noticed.  You... definitely got my attention.  I am never sure if you mock, ridicule, approve, hate, or... some mix.

I... don't care.  I do enjoy the... memories.  Have to suspect you... dream evil, for my life.  Real or not, I suspect you... believe.  Approve?  I... see you.

Really rough.

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Too rough.  I won't take my heart medicine today.  Whatever it is, I overdid some things.  I'll... back off, a day, two?  As needed.  Something is terribly wrong.  Not... a health issue, directly.  External factors.  Extra fluid going in.  I won't drink excessively, just... a bit extra.  An extra, say, three twenty ounce bottles through the day?  I think I had gotten down to drinking a quart of kefir through the day, and two of coffee.  Usually I drink three to six bottles (or the equivalent, as I drink r.o. water too) a day.  But, lately, I haven't been doing that.  Just... not thirsty.

And I am paying a serious price for it.  Between lower consumption and taking the pills.  Oh, but I'm not even taking new pills?  I can't find them in the package.  So using stuff from... 2021 or 2022?  I hope they are that fresh.  Ugh.

Dehydrated.

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Taking medicines as I should, even a little lightly.  In my opinion.  But that was the doctor's call and I didn't want to fight on that particular point.  So, two per day.  Which, often, isn't enough.  However, with the weather hitting 70~73 inside, pretty much always, I have been drinking less.  A lot less.

It's 45 out there, give or take.

I wasn't adding the things up.  Didn't notice, until a few days ago.  Minor complaints.  Wasn't sure the cause.  Mild enough it could be anything.  A sore throat, along the length of the neck.  Some internal discomfort.  The heart being a bit odd, rough.  Was cramping, but taking the minerals helped with that.

Looking for the stupid phone!

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I looked upstairs, in my pants... the cargo pocket on my right side is usually where it would be.  Then, down by my bed.  I looked through bed.  I toss it there, when going to bed.  Then, usually, hook it to the charger there and then.  Nope.  Bathroom?  Sometimes, when I am in there, if I have it in hand, and don't have pockets, I set it in the top drawer.  Nope!

My health watch has a way to connect with it.  So I tried that.  No, said it wasn't connected?  Should have been.  Was yesterday?  Annoying.  I was about to text my friend, ask him to check the truck tonight.  Then I started thinking back.  What was I wearing last night?

Up, but bodily grumpy?

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Up for an hour, ten, and change.  Neck, shoulders, back all sort of rusty... grumpy as I put it in the title.  Not really painful, just... catching, one on the others, and difficult to move quickly.  I'll work through it through the day.  It's all good.  Pretty tired still, too.  I think I was down right before midnight.  Still, I suppose that was a short sleep.  And, yesterday was long and heavy.  All good.

It was 42 out, first thing.  The sun wasn't over the mountains yet?  Not even close.  Yes, it's that time of year.  Sneaks up on a guy, from time to time.  Still, I love these things.  It had almost warmed a degree.  Wasn't sure if it would drop or rise yet.  I'm not sure it's a fifty fifty thing, but probably closer to that than anything else that would be easily written.

Sassy was fed, first thing.  He litter cleared.  She rarely has a stinking poo, but this morning was one of them.  We all have our days.  Gaming, next.  I'd like to get another shower through the day.  Then do the dishes.  Perhaps start some laundry?  Not much else.  Just too tired, sleepy, and exhausted.  Some days I can pull things out without costs, some days I can't.  Still, good to push things from time to time.

On to some gaming, I think.  To try to get the brain working.  Medicine is in, down.  And mineral extras today.  I think I missed medicine last night, for good or ill.  It happens.  On with the day.

Caught up with the young man.

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Married, now.  Living out on their own.  Working two to three jobs at a time.  One more than full time, the others when he has time, or on certain odd schedules... Four jobs, actually.  He hasn't slowed down a bit.  Wife doesn't always like it, but... it... is... good for them.

I told him things when he was young, about women.  I am all but certain he thought I was a sex maniac, or fiend.  Now that he has married?  He laughs, and... learned.  It's... not all that bad.  He was thirteen, and would have figured women out soon enough anyway.  I... may have taught him a thing or three.  *grins*  Though he is learning some things on his own.  I just... like hearing the stories of life.  Sounds like married life is... what it is, for good and ill.  I am pleased he is... there.

Noon thirty.

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Not much else, yet.  But about to hit things.  Sassy was fed, the grill has been started... for eggs and hashed browns.  I'll finish up the flatware, then remove those and shower.  The shower after breakfast.

I did get kefir switched over.  Fresh jars, for the refrigerator.  After the rest of the dishes, the next time I change that out, I'll redo the fermenting jars too.  I have been keeping up on it well enough that those fermenting jars have lasted well, without getting too funky.  As well, I pulled some of the excess grains, and froze them.  I'd like to have three batches frozen, then switch a jar or two out every few months.  But do it while I am using the old, so that I don't have to drink kefir from that.  Then, just switch in the new, for whichever of the old smells the most funky.

Okay? Well, sure!

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Trash and recycling, after browsing the web in rest mode after the first shot at things.  Cat litter cleared, Sassy fed, kefir consumed.  Good, a night shot.  Coffee made, but I need to go get that.  Not bad.  I wasn't sure anything would be done.  And before seven, got it by six thirty.  Worried, mostly, about the trash and recycling getting out in time.  But out it is, and in time.

Yes, coffee, and medicine.  Soaking my kefir jar.  I don't wash that every time, as with my coffee jar.  But I do like to soak the kefir, in the hottest water the hottest water heater setting will allow.  That... cleans out any organic, especially when just left to soak, maybe rinsed and done again if needed.  Coffee cup?

Awake, and getting to things?

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Well, I started quickly.  I cleared and dishes, setting them aside for now.  I'll rinse them after a shower.  Washing the freezertop as I was doing that, and putting flatware in, to be soaked, then washed a first round as I go to take a shower.  I was making plans as I woke.  Dishes, a shower, brushing teeth, and trash to go out.  For chores, Sassy will get fed shortly, her litter reset, fresh water set out.

I give her a bowl that has five cups in it.  She only, ever, at most, drinks one to two cups.  Then, what is left, must be too tainted for her.  Backwash, and whatnot.  Just the way of it.  But, since I started changing water daily, she is keeping herself much cleaner.  I don't fully understand all things cats, but I will work with her.

Pretty much nothing?

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Mostly.  I did feed Sassy, changed her water, cleared and reset her litter boxes.  I just haven't been able to do much more.

It has been thundering, much of the day?  Or... something.  Then, it started rumbling extra loud.  Then rain?  It was eighty, last time I checked, an hour or so ago?  Give or take.  Not tracking things well today, which is fine.  It's one of those days.  Anyway, I got out and checked.  Yes, it's raining.  And wow is that rain cold!  Plus, it was down to 64!  That was quite a drop!  All good.

Not much.

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It's 76 out there, at almost 11:30.  Not cold, by any means, just... cooler.  Cooler by the day, with little spikes from time to time.

Looking out there, it feels more like living in the old West than living in modern times.  Not a bad thing, mind you.  Almost get the sense of little house on the prairie, or the notes of a retired mountain man, finishing his days in some valley he used to hunt beaver, deer, elk, bear, and else.  I do like it here.  Even if I don't belong to those worlds.

Up!

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Can't be sure when I went to bed.  I think it was around 16:00.  With the last post being around 15:30, or so, it's possible.  I was cooked, from this and that, when going to bed.  It was a longer day yesterday.  More going on that I have done in weeks, even months seemingly, combined.

A success.  All good.  I didn't get it all, but I got a good lot of things.  Dishes, first thing this morning.  Well, trimming my whiskers before even that.  And a shower after, then setting up the dishes to a rinse.  Oh, from the meal yesterday, I need to clean the freezertop off again.  Bleh.  But, fine.