Yes...

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Well, actually, no. No. Nothing is working. Even Sam and Sassy are not really happy with me. With them I do not understand. I did kick them out of the bedroom, they are no longer allowed to go in there or sleep with me at night. Why? Sam keeps finding new and interesting places or objects, on or near, where she might vomit. Daily daily is too much. Sassy has been clawing my feet. I presume in order to wake me up, though she may think my foot is a big mouse whilst she is half asleep. I cannot allow that, at all. She is drawing blood.

As for me, I am drifting and harshly. I cannot get to things. I have been eating as well as I am able. I have almost been keeping up with the dishes. But for the most part, I am zombified again. I cannot stay warm no matter what I set the thermostat, what I wear, or such. Then again, being chill is not really a bother. It does seem to slow me down, not a good thing. Never worry, this too will pass.

I am a bit worried about what the doctor suggested. Something about unloading 2 mg of protein when I urinate, each time. Something about kidneys, high blood pressure, and diabetes, but nothing specific. Mostly the high blood pressure, is the problem, as I have it. I will continue with the appointments and consults until we, once again, realize I am simply going to have to simply wait to die, then die right properly. Though I am beyond looking forward to it, I cannot say I will regret it. I will die frustrated that such an advanced medical society cannot figure anything with me out, that I did not get a chance to live a normal life, or even a potentially extraordinary one. I do hope my efforts are noted by the only One who counts though. I have truly tried. In any case, let us see what we shall see. And please, Lord, allow me to wake up a bit. Just a little function.

Good night.

Bumpy day.

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It started at 2:00. I woke and could not get back to sleep. So, I tinkered in the late night, then crashed at about 9:00, sleeping until noon I think. I have been up since, made a decent meal, and I have done little else. Still, I sort of expect this after pushing for a few days, driving, the stress of seeing doctors knowing I will be going back. Ah well. I will survive this day, pick up as I can tomorrow, and move on as I may. Seeing a doctor will not fix me, even treatments probably will not. I think they are just experimenting with us at this point. Still, there is an outside chance they might fix something, they could make things better. But for today, I am what I am.

Sassy is starting to come around. She obviously misses the beard, so it will be coming back. Sam has been a neurotic twit lately. And very passive aggressive. She is not only all feline, she is all female! I think they ganged up and woke me last night. I know they had food, water, and even a bit of milk, so they were either fighting over me or just fighting. Or, as I said, getting even for something I probably do not even know I did. So, for a bit, they will sleep out of my room.

Not much else going on. I am hoping tomorrow is a bit more productive, and I think it will be. The alarm is set for 7:00, and I have a few more things to do before bed. Good night sweets and sours. Take your pick:)

Quite a bit done, quite a bit left to do.

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Of course, after coming out of a coma, the need and want is very strong. The list of lists of things to do, be, find, is almost overwhelming. The trick is to make the lists then begin one thing on each list, do it until it is done, cross it off, and move on. Dishes, cooking, cleaning, and grooming, however, are on not on any list. They are simply things that are done without thought or comment, note or worry, just done. And so it begins.

The kitchen is ever closer to being done. I know, I know, but I keep finding little groupings of dishes that I simply overlooked in my hopes that the job was done or close. Right in front of me, plain to see, but, not. Food has been good and will continue to be. I am hoping to make a batch of rice tonight and perhaps boil a half dozen eggs, then clean up. Laundry will begin in a bit. Thankfully, there is not that much. Pajamas last for days of wear.

And still I am enjoying my game and going farther and doing better. I have leveled a good dozen levels over several toons, improved professions, and explored where they will be "working". I am burning out on that a bit though. It keeps me awake though, and going. I would like to get my seventieth level to seventy fifth level, then begin on my main, who is at eighty second level to this point. Eighty fifth, of course, is the goal, arming and armoring along the way, plus working on the professions. It does help keep my mind nimble until my body can catch up, perhaps.

Sam and Sassy are enjoying a little more of papa's time and attention. Sam loves the attention. Sassy is a little put off. I shaved my beard and she... is not quite sure she still loves me. She loved my beard. I promised her I will grow it back. It had gotten scruffy and I was not in the mood or state of mind to try and pull it into trim. I do not quite have the skill. It gets out of hand quickly, or seems to do so.

I will be ready for bed tonight. I have been drinking coffee, no soda. I am rarely adding anything to it, other than milk. For whatever reason, it does not have the same kick that soda does. Or more, the kick comes, hits hard, and goes away fast, whereas soda seemed to linger. Oh well.

A few more dishes, a load in the laundry, and I think I may drift to the stupid tube or to bed. I need to stay up until 21:00 at least though, more like 22:00. It just works better. Good night, probably.

Busy, busy, busy.

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Hubba hubba. While I still mostly am doing nothing, I am now adding something into the nothing at a slow but steady pace. After waking, dressing, and setting the dishes to a fresh soak, I did my wake up routine. During that, as I said in the game when I do something that forces idle time, I did my pushups and setups. I will do more pushups later, but setups as I have said, are a once a day thing. Still, I hit my goal, simple as it was. Then I did some more of the kitchen. I was not quite as through with the dishes as I had thought, though the cleaning itself is pretty much done, other than sweeping. That I am saving until after I change the litter boxes... a messy job that. More and more dishes, some straightening, and of course my game.

Then I received a call from the V.A. One of the consults came through and I am now scheduled for that. Then another call came in, and we scheduled for that. All told, I have four upcoming appointments, a twenty four hour urine sampling and blood pressure recording to do (the latter test I have to travel there in order to be fitted for) and... some other stuff. Plus, there are a few more things coming, on top of the medicine(s) I have to start or continue (almost forgot about the potassium). Anyway... it has started.

I did not brush my teeth until mid-afternoon. It simply slipped my mind. But I did get to it, and I brushed last night. I bought Crest whitening system recently and will see if it works. I chew tobacco and drink soda... well, coffee now... so it will only help a bit even if it works. I figure if I use it quarterly, for two weeks, that should get the pearlies as good as they will get. As I am moving on, my lists are growing, things to do, chores, tasks, jobs. People to call. Places to go. So it goes. I am not really back in the saddle, but I put a strong foot into the stirrup. We will see if my butt meets the leather of the saddle before too long.

I was hoping to have the kitchen spic and span before making food but my stomach revolted. What a beast! Still, fair is fair, and I have deprived the thing of anything solid for quite some time. I purchased pork chops, on the half sale rack, yesterday. I thought I would cook them last night but it just did not happen. Best to use that meat FAST, I have found. It seems today was fast enough. Pan fried, then making pan gravy, along with a couple of potatoes and a glass of milk. NICE! I had forgotten what good home cooked food tasted like. The gravy was not my best effort, if it worked well enough. I was so hungry I... hurried? Yeah, we will say that. Noice!

Well, back to tinkering until my stomach does what it does and I can walk again. Snakes have it on us there, mostly and most of the time. Have a good one, or do not. You really do choose.

A good morning to you.

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Because I was later getting to bed, and because pushing myself out of bed too early on some of those occasions can have me clambering for more sleep and ignoring or being unable to comply with the alarm clock, I gave myself a reasonable amount of sleep with regards to the alarm clock setting. However, I 'let my mind know' that if I could get up a little earlier, that would be good, so long as my body and all could go with the early morning. Yes, negotiating with one's own body is a good plan. And yes you can do it consciously. I just woke up, did a quick survey of my reality, talked to the body, and we all decided it was a good time to begin the morning, and two hours before the alarm was set to go off. So, again, good morning.

I will not take Wonder Woman's advice on one particular thing. I will not shower every day (mom). I am one third a typical boy cum man, one third practical in that a shower every day is neither the best for me or efficient, and one third hoping she will try to use her rope on me! What I will do, is follow the spirit of the thing. I will groom, dress, and if nothing else wear a hat when I wake. Not 'in a little while', but as soon after rising as possible. I do not need to floss, I have another trick for that (and yes, it works, even dentists cannot deny). I use those plastic toothpicks. I use them more than after meals though. They are a non-eaten munchy for me. Brushing my teeth though, that is a whole other thing. I will go with that. Do not worry, my teeth are actually better than some people who brush three times a day. Must be genetic (or two gallons of whole milk a week). I am already dressed this morning. By the way, clean skivvies are Noice! More info than you needed, but that is just the kind of guy I am.

I cannot say how far this thing will roll. But with the doctors on one end, me on another, and you all on another, I might tame this wild cave ogre and turn him back into a newt. Oh, or was that turn it back into a sane man? Either way, make it get better. We will see. I have my doubts mind you. As do you. It will not happen over night but if it happens it will begin on one single day and build from there.

Well, I am about to begin my waking procedures. Where is my pre-flight check list? Ah, there we go. Coffee is going down, blogging, so-and-such... etc... Well on my way to winding up. Talk to you when we get there, later.

Up late, too late.

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And, of course, again. No problem, I am about to go to bed and earlier than the last three nights. I was afraid nights were going to become the norm, but with the medical promises, perhaps I will find a way to fend off the shift. And I did more than just see the doctor today. I have my kitchen nearly back in order. Further, I did some shopping, including fruits if not yet vegetables. Those are on the menu. A few meats, milk, and kitty food were needed as well. So it is time to begin again.

I have decided to swear off soda. I may still buy a stock of soda, but it will no longer be a daily thing, or multi-daily thing. I will use it much as soda of the more traditional nature should be used, as an occasional treat. Instead I am going to coffee, though not as much as the soda. I am constantly thirsty, probably a symptom of even the low level diabetes. Then again, I was always thirsty long before I had diabetes. I almost wonder if some of the medications they initially had me on, everything from anti-depressants to lithium changed certain things, anatomically. Such as somehow causing thirst? Who knows. If they do, they are not saying.

So, back to good home cooked, whole grain heavy, fruit added, food. I need that. Trying to figure out how to lower my liquid consumption as well, coffee, water, milk. Less in total is the goal. Continuing my setups and pushups. They are not coming along swimmingly, only coming along. I did have to stop for a bit as my gut tightened up and would not release for three days. It was not terribly painful, but it complicated sleep. Then again, that might have been the cornish game hen. I am pretty sure I cooked it done and then some though. I check the joints for blood... no blood... no foul? Heh... Well, at least I enjoy my puns. Well, not really, but it is something.

Bedtime. I will set my alarm though and work diligently to get up. A bit of waking up and then to finish the kitchen. I have some meats out, I need to make beans and rice in my usual batches, an apple and then grapefruit for breakfast I think. Maybe some eggs, as that is a bit raw of protein. I am terribly hungry, have not eaten right in... a while. But for now, bed time. I can dream of beans and rice? Yes, actually, I can. If that is not something you dream of, you have never eaten them the way I make them. Good night.

To the doctor I went.

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Today was the day to visit the Renal Clinic. I was afraid I would miss it. Nope, I put myself in order, arranged things as I could so that I could be awake and aware and on time. Further, I called to see if they wanted blood work. Sure enough, and they wished for me to do that an hour before the actual appointment. Well, all right. Done. I am driving a little slower, not out of need just to limit frustration. It mostly works. But with so many cell phones on the roads these days, and texting which I did see at least once today, on a 75 mph interstate I might add, trying to drive a steady pace is not really possible.

At the office, the doctor suggested my problem with blood pressure might be one of three things. Two were eliminated, after looking through the records. The last is a longshot. An even larger longshot is, if it is that last, then there is a chance surgery could fix that. The test that would suggest that takes longer and was not yet up. That is on the physical side. There is also a possibility that my traumas have lead to this.

She asked if I was interested in taking medication. I said no, but told her to shoot the recommendation. I had not heard of this particular medication, so I said I would try it. I also explained that most of these medicines totally wipe me out. She had answers for everything, but they always do. I told her and will tell you, I will give it another shot, let them poke, prod, and medicate, up to my ability to tolerate. Then we have to figure something else out if that does not work. Trust is earned, we will see if she can earn it. As well, I agreed to a consult to psychiatry. That, I believe, is all too much hooey. Still, I will go in and see if there is a plan I could abide and a therapist I can stomach. She suggested that some people who go through even one of the minor things I mentioned might have a problem with it that causes and maintains high blood pressure. I do know I am stuck on full throttle, even when I am not moving, down under the skin. I am always hot, always live, and always ready. Even if I do not know it consciously. That is why my stomach is still tight, and other forms of strengths remain to me. I have a consult before the end of the year and another appointment with renal shortly after the new year. Oh, and I stopped by and set my eye appointments up again, they got lost in the mail somewhere in one of my moves. I still need to get dental going, maybe next time. It is in another building and I was done today when I finished the clinic.

We will see. I do not wish, in particular, to die. At least if something can be done to help me back to function. Even a few more horsepower would be good. I doubt, seriously doubt. I cannot just give up either. So, that is the way of it. Oh, I lost a few more pounds they said. I lost a lot when I moved here and keep losing according to them. No, not trying. A little more active, eating better foods (usually), and just the climate? elevation? Whatever. I have lost a lot more than pounds though. My shoulders are too broad for a simple large and tall shirt, but my extra large and tall shirts just billow. Ah well, I like long shirttails.

Have a good day. If you want, pray a little prayer that this time works. I do not mind dying, but if I can become useful, or even more functional, that would be inefficient. Or, something like that.

To keep my mind off things...

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I got busy. Not in the real world, as that seems problematic at best. What I did do was to become very involved with my game. If you play World of Warcraft, you will know what I mean. I had three twentieth level characters I use to store "stuff" the others collect. I moved those on up to fourtieth level. I had two level forty toons (another term for character) which I moved to sixtieth level, I moved a fifty fifth level toon to seventieth level, and finally I had two seventy level toons I moved to the high seventieth levels. I added a few levels to my main (main character, highest level or favored to play, in this case both), but mostly left that toon to rest. When rested, they get more experience while playing, thus level faster. All that in the last week and a half or so. As well, I leveled their professions as much as possible.

Busy, yes. My home needs some tlc, Sam and Sassy are getting a bit snotty, and until I took a shower yesterday for the first time in... well, let us just say I was ripe for the bone harvester. Or, I smelled like it. On the up side, I did not think too much about a solo Christmas. Actually, I can become a bit melancholy whether alone or in good or other company. For the most part, this year, I survived unscathed. And, my game world is in top order. It takes quite a bit to organize ten toons, level them, get them trained, get them equipment and mounts, keep their professions up, and have it run rather seamlessly. Then again, I can only do that for short periods of time. I am about done with the game world. Although, with all the flying costs, I am down to 10k and change, give or take. I have not mastered the art of filthy game lucre.

I will still play, still level this or that toon, but I will not be playing nearly non-stop. I have to, now, find other things. Like setting up the reloading station and then putting the equipment together, on it, then using it. And, as I said, the cave could use a bit of spit and shine. A bit of the social would be good too, but with little money, that always feels odd. What if someone wants to not just sit there, but do something? Anyway... I did what had to be done. Then again, I am still a bit broke. It might take a month or two for me to catch up. So be it. I might just have to dig into the game for a while. It IS cheap entertainment, it IS far superior to television, and it seems to work.

Well, later.