To the doctor I went.

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Today was the day to visit the Renal Clinic. I was afraid I would miss it. Nope, I put myself in order, arranged things as I could so that I could be awake and aware and on time. Further, I called to see if they wanted blood work. Sure enough, and they wished for me to do that an hour before the actual appointment. Well, all right. Done. I am driving a little slower, not out of need just to limit frustration. It mostly works. But with so many cell phones on the roads these days, and texting which I did see at least once today, on a 75 mph interstate I might add, trying to drive a steady pace is not really possible.

At the office, the doctor suggested my problem with blood pressure might be one of three things. Two were eliminated, after looking through the records. The last is a longshot. An even larger longshot is, if it is that last, then there is a chance surgery could fix that. The test that would suggest that takes longer and was not yet up. That is on the physical side. There is also a possibility that my traumas have lead to this.

She asked if I was interested in taking medication. I said no, but told her to shoot the recommendation. I had not heard of this particular medication, so I said I would try it. I also explained that most of these medicines totally wipe me out. She had answers for everything, but they always do. I told her and will tell you, I will give it another shot, let them poke, prod, and medicate, up to my ability to tolerate. Then we have to figure something else out if that does not work. Trust is earned, we will see if she can earn it. As well, I agreed to a consult to psychiatry. That, I believe, is all too much hooey. Still, I will go in and see if there is a plan I could abide and a therapist I can stomach. She suggested that some people who go through even one of the minor things I mentioned might have a problem with it that causes and maintains high blood pressure. I do know I am stuck on full throttle, even when I am not moving, down under the skin. I am always hot, always live, and always ready. Even if I do not know it consciously. That is why my stomach is still tight, and other forms of strengths remain to me. I have a consult before the end of the year and another appointment with renal shortly after the new year. Oh, and I stopped by and set my eye appointments up again, they got lost in the mail somewhere in one of my moves. I still need to get dental going, maybe next time. It is in another building and I was done today when I finished the clinic.

We will see. I do not wish, in particular, to die. At least if something can be done to help me back to function. Even a few more horsepower would be good. I doubt, seriously doubt. I cannot just give up either. So, that is the way of it. Oh, I lost a few more pounds they said. I lost a lot when I moved here and keep losing according to them. No, not trying. A little more active, eating better foods (usually), and just the climate? elevation? Whatever. I have lost a lot more than pounds though. My shoulders are too broad for a simple large and tall shirt, but my extra large and tall shirts just billow. Ah well, I like long shirttails.

Have a good day. If you want, pray a little prayer that this time works. I do not mind dying, but if I can become useful, or even more functional, that would be inefficient. Or, something like that.