Not fast.

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But I am... slowly... getting there.  I found the wet vac.  Then got removed the filter.  Only one in it this time.  Then just now emptied the dust from the bin.  I then set it back up by putting it all back together.  After which, I moved it to the bathroom.  Not... all at once.  I'm moving slowly, as I mentioned.

Since then, I opened a path from the bathroom to the outdoors.  The hall might be a bit congested, so I may need to do more.  But, I got a nice chunk of the way cleared.  I will probably just do more, completely clear the hall, rather than have to mess with that while trying to get a load of water out of the house.

Still, it's a good start.  Sassy has been fed twice.  I will check her litter after this post.  Her water is still good, so that is that.  I will probably change that out tomorrow, good or not.  I try to change that every two or three days, depending on how much she is using and the weather.  In the summer, if it every heats up, perhaps I'll do it more like daily to every other day?  We'll see.  Easy to check.  Just pour some in the hand.  If it is still good, clear, water, it's okay.  But, for me, the trick is to never let it get slimy.  Ever, never.  It happens a few times a month, but that... makes me feel awful.

Hoping, after litter, and a rest, to then clear the hallways to the outside.  If that doesn't beat me up too badly, then get to pulling the liquid and whatever else out.  Hopefully that will pull the blocking material up with it.  Then, perhaps, I can either take the cross sectional drain out, and get the snake in.  Or pull the stuff out with needle nosed pliers?  I'll see.

A cup of coffee.  But I am attempting to keep that to once a day, at most.  And, I have had several bubbly waters.  But, from now on, I will try to stick with cooler reverse osmosis water.  I keep a half gallon in the fridge.  I may have to add another half gallon jug, to keep up.  The idea, at this point, is to drink only... or mostly... fresh water in the latter part of the day, and to stop drinking after whatever is passing for afternoon... on a regular day, assuming a wake at six and a sleep at 22:00, say stop drinking around 17:00 to 19:00?  Something like that.

So, I will get some water shortly.  I am feeling a bit thirsty.  If I can't take it easily, I'll add just a smidgen of electrolytes.  I have several types, all are keto/diabetic approved, so no sugar(s) or carbs, or even things which mock those and can act like them.  It's as good as I can do.

As well, I need to start trying to drink less, sum total.  But, one thing at a time.  The goal is to drink the right stuff, at the right times, so that I am not terribly thirsty or literally being required to pee often due to the amount of fluid.  I... will keep at it.

All good.  I am hoping to clear the drain, tonight, one way or another.  It might not work, though it may.  If not, I'll do a bit tomorrow.  Though, I should be able to empty the tub.  And work with the drain cap screwed in.  If that doesn't work, maybe find a way into the drain from underneath while trying to get the snake in and up from that direction otherwise.  I'll see, I suppose.

Litter, a rest, then clearing the hallway.  Hopefully, right after, in to get the fluids out.  Or after a break.  Something to eat?  I'd like a meal.  I had sardines earlier.  But I want something else.  Oh... maybe some kefir while I rest.  That would be good.  And, yes, I am still going without sweeteners most of the time.

Awake again, if late.

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I have been awake for an hour and an half, or so?  No, more like forty five minutes?  I think the latter.  So since a quarter to twenty hundred.  I am glad I sent the text, about possibly missing mass tonight.  Because, yes, I... had zero chance of waking in time.  And I did try.  It just... didn't matter.  Effort is nice, reality is what it is.

I have been sipping and waking.  Thinking, planning, and even doing a few small things to get ready to... rumble!

Well, maybe not rumble, but it may sound like it.

Called mom.

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Still awake, here at nearly a quarter after eight.  I won't make it to mass tonight.  I could have figured out a way to wash, to be clean.  But I can't figure out how to be awake.  My days and nights have begun to spin, more so in the last few days.  The cold, the dark, caught up to me.

It is 36 outside now, but got down to 28 or 29.  Then started warming to 30 then 32 before sunrise.  Unusual, but that has been happening a bit lately.  Very unusual.  Warm winds must be coming in.  Not high winds, well, fast winds.  Perhaps though, literally, high winds.  Up in the higher air levels?  Don't know.  All I know is three or four times this week I have seen it begin to warm just before dark.  Oh, it happens.  Just fairly rairly, until lately.

She didn't have much time to talk.  She just doesn't talk for long these days.  Her guy friend is coming to pick her up for a day or two.  Or the weekend.  It's raining, or a rain snow mix there, now.  They must be getting what we got a few days ago.  It was 40 there yesterday, same as here.  Sounds like they got a few warmer days, then back down into the much of winter/spring weather with the rest of us.

She may just not be able to talk long these days?  I don't know.  It just is what it is.  I have tried to discuss what I am doing, how I am feeling, and the weather.  I have tried just to listen to her stories, and ask about some things.  I have tried mixing my stories in with what she is talking about.  She just... doesn't... talk much these days.  So, I'll just have to talk once in a while.  And she doesn't call anymore.  I don't know the cause, or such.  It is what it is.  Always was, mostly, though, too.

I'll write a text.  Had considered doing something at mass a few days ago, but my schedule changed so hard, so fast.  I was going to bed around 5:00 for several days.  Even fought back to 3:30 one night.  But then lost it these last two nights.  There is no way I will be awake in time tonight.  Further, my sleeping cycling is leaving me busted, but making making it to church at any of the times available impossible.  If it slides a bit more, maybe I can make a Sunday morning mass next week?  Cricky but this can be annoying.

I saw a few courses which seemed interesting.  Physics courses, of several types.  I'd like to go through them, or certain of them.  Plain physics, maybe up to engineering physics.  Though to do an engineering physics I'd need to review some math courses.  At least calculus, but maybe algebra, trig, and geometry before that?  Not sure.  May look at the simple physics course, first, then poke around in the engineering physics to see.

I have stored the courses on the side, and along with Spanish, which I plan to work every other day (heavy) and lightly in the between days.  Initially just reading, listening, and repeating.  Words and simple phrases first, then adding in trying to create responses to phrases, and working on grammar.

My Spanish is very weak.  But my general language skills are pretty good?  Basically, to learn a foreign language, you have to first, oddly, learn your primary language to a far more precise skill level.  THEN you can move on to digging into the foreign language.

Though, too, once you have mastered a few languages, something... changes.  You begin to be more open to the way of thinking in a foreign language.  Though, in truth, even if you become fluent in a dozen languages, you... are... always a learner.  Though, this is also true even in your own language.  You will never master a language.  I almost think the better you become at language, the less you (or I anyway) feel like conversing.  The rules, laws, ways, and even myths and legends of languages can suffocate communication.  It's like reading a map and compass and getting lost for it?  Or the idea that the more you learn the less, you realize, you know?  Somewhere in there.

Anyway, I will keep going, into Spanish.  I have found a more serious manual on the tongue.  More aimed at advanced users, even advanced Spanish as a first language speakers and writers.  Still, I... think that is what I want.  I will have to leave go on some things, choose my battles with the book.  But, that is where I will... find mastery... of certain aspects.

I keep looking for plumbing videos, but really haven't found any which help any more.  I know it is just a blockage.  I am hoping my friend will be able to make it Monday, just for a second brain, and second pair of hands, as I work things.  The problem is that the tub is NOT draining.  Not at all.  *sigh*  And it has all that nasty stuff down in there.

I may see about cracking a pipe open down there, to let it drain into a bucket.  Then seeing about getting a snake up and in.  If I can stand, when I can wake, as I may.  Ugh.  But, now, I'll just send the text, then go on to bed.

A bit of a look.

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Looking down the four inch exit pipe, drain cleanout area, and?  It doesn't look backed up.  It definitely isn't backed up.  Which pipes are blocked was sorted.  The toilet, when flushed, shoots right on through.  So, it definitely isn't backed up.  But the other drains seem to have problems.

I had used one sort of drain cleaner.  To no success.  Another was found, when my friend visited.  And that one was eventually used.  It looks like some of the pipes just have some sort of blockage.  If it isn't the septic tank, then I would like to try to solve it myself.  Especially since all the drain pipes are easy enough to get to, from the basement.

I have a sawsall, and other cutting tools, and a couple of house/home/plumbing etc. stores near by.  There is also a repaired piece down there, that should be easy to remove and replace.  I suspect, if that gets taken out, it would both be easy to fix, and would probably allow even my shorter snake in to clear whatever the problem is.

There is some hope that it won't be quite so expensive as first thought.  And, if I figure it out, problems in the future would be easy.  Before I get a plumber, or septic tank company in, I want to see if I can do it myself.  However, I would like to find my septic tank in any case.

A bit of a headache.  Why?  Not sure.  I closed the bathroom, and have the window open.  That stuff doesnt' smell all that good.  But I think the headache is from trying to help.  I didn't do a lot of work, but enough that it stressed me.  Just the way of it.

I will try to let it drain, and get in there tomorrow, or when it drains down.  Once it drains down, I am hoping to open up the fixed area, and begin with the pipe snake.  I've got to be careful, there may be fluide backed up to that point, even if it is down in the tub.  Ugh.  So, yes.  But, a bucket, some reasonable care while opening it up, old clothes for working, and an extra layer or two, plus an old jacket.  Maybe goggles over the glassses.  I might have a larger face covering too.  Not sure.  Not a mask, that wouldn't help with liquid anyway.  But something.  Preferably solid and plastic, like an open face cover.

I am really hoping this goes down, and I can get in and find the problem.  That would save me hundreds of dollars.  Maybe a thousand.  They charge... whatever they charge.  Whether it helps, or not.

Oh, my friend tried to use the tool to remove the tub drain, in an attempt to put the snake down there, one way or the other.  But that just didn't work.  The tool didn't have enough grip to open it.  Hmm, I may try another method, after it drains.  Pliers, slid down in, then turned with something else.  Or needle nose pliers.  Not sure though.  The trap is on very tight.

Alright?

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Up at 16:00.  Tried to wake earlier, it just couldn't happen.

By 16:30, I was able to begin calling.  It turns out that none of the numbers I had worked, or as planned.  The call to the sceptic tank service ended up being the wrong place.  I did find the right number, but could only leave a message, which I did.  And, the number to the health department didn't... prove successful.  They sent me to another department, which sent me to another department.  None of them dealt with the matter at hand.

However, finding the right number for the sceptic service will help.  I will keep calling until I reach him, or he calls back.  He was the one who knew the number for the department to start with.  I just lost that number, and have been trying to find it since.  It's his business field, I am sure he has the number for certain.

I am hoping to get the tank emptied maybe even by Wednesday.  Depending on his availability, and finding the tank first.  Life will improve with that managed... I hope.  I still haven't heard from my friend, about helping.  I'll text him again tonight.

Looks like Monday at the earliest.  Though, over the weekend, I may try to find it myself.  If I find it, I may yet have to try to dig it out, open down to the access.  Snow has been too deep, until days ago.  Not even sure if some of the ground is still frozen?  I guess I'll find out.

It has been raining today.  It is 40 F outside.  That is probably the high for today.  I wonder if the rain, snow, and melting is slowing the draining?  Don't know.  It may just be that the tank is just too full.

Okay.  Information back from my friend, and another source... with a 24/7 number.  I called them.  They, too, won't empty the tank without it being both found and uncovered.  And, they charge more.  But, they did have a number for me to call, and a name to ask for.  But, being Friday night, it's too late until Monday.

Oh... but... my friend is visiting now, so will help me see if I can find it.  We'll see.  Ugh.  Later.

A few more vids.

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I was able to get through the thousand.  There were some which were a stretch.  Surprising few.  Mostly the longer more complicated words.  I learned to, if it was very long or with serious linguistic switchbacks, to stop the video and just look at the screen.

Learning a language.

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"Learn Spanish in 10 minutes!", "Learn French without memorizing!", all sorts of strange things spew in banners, offering to teach easily and well.

I have learned French and German, at one time, up to basic or even to middling levels of ability.  As well, I learned some Italian and Spanish (Castillian), and recently began praciticing Japanese.  So little remains.  Some skills remain.  Trilling, rolling r's, things like that.  Not... fully, but there are some things which cross languages which do lightly remain.  Some numbers. in some tongues, remain.  I can still count to, pretty much the millions, in German, from one up if I had the time.  Mostly.

I have to laugh at the promises of videos and books.  Learned too much to not know better.  It isn't just learning a work, such as gift.  That word means what is commonly understood, but just as with English words, but, in German (iirc) it also can mean poison.  So... really, you have to know more than just the common (or uncommon?) meaning, but best to know the whole of it.

Oh, sure, even in English, there are things which take learning.  Double, and more, entendres (which we stole from the French, but in whole or part?), and other languages oddities.  Double speak, hidden intentions meant to be only known within groups, etc.  Language just isn't straightforeward.  And, more, some of that is incidental, some of it is with absolute intent.

As well, between languages, the verb for, say, to eat?  May not be the same meaning.  Eating, in one language, may be about consuming food while in another language it is about the rites associated with eating, not the consumption itself.  What things really mean don't always translate, exactly, directly, or even nearly.

To be honest, my goal is to start learning Spanish.  The thing is, I'd like to learn Argentinian Spanish.  Which is... more like old English, or maybe middle English, to the English or American.  Which... can be considered different even one from the other?  Yes, I think so.  It was a Spanish dialect transferred before Spanish went through serious revisions.  And, for whatever reason, it didn't change in Argentina as it did in Spain (as well as in most of it's current and former colonies).  Sort of like the differences bettween American, Britis, Australian, and other sorts of English, only much more pronounced.

What I am saying is... I have no real idea of how or where to start.  If I start with standard Latin American Spanish, that is probably as good as it gets.  But, finding lessons for even that is odd.  Even Mexican, Ecuadarian, or Brazilian forms (assuming those countries still speak Spanish, only as blind, possible, examples) would be rather different.  So, which to even start with?

And they wonder why most people don't give it a go?  I have pulled some things down, collected sources, am considering what to start with, or how to begin...  Looking over, and listening to, the top 1000 words, or 200 phrases?  Or beginning with just lessons in a book?  The problem with these, as other things, is figuring out how to learn to speak AS I learn the rest.  Gotta be mixed.

Awake.

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Not as bad as it could be.  I feel better.  I feel mostly rested.  I don't have a lot of energy, almost any.  And, yet, with the rest, life is better today.

I can't really get to dishes, or laundry, or a shower.  The water backs up, quickly and seriously, if I use almost any water at all.  I have dried a drain cleaner, the plunger, and else.  It just isn't going through.  Good thing this coming month is when I am going to get the septic tank cleared.

I found the department... county? state? region?  I think it's regional, as it covers several, three I believe, counties.  But, I found their contact information, after digging and asking around.  I called, as soon as I located the number.  Of course, they were closed.  Not their bad, but mine.  I couldn't wake until 15:38 or such, and between waking up time and the time it took to locate the number, by the time I called they were closed.  And, really, being there until 17:00 is rather good... for any day office hour busisness or department.  Tomorrow.

I am hoping they will know where the tank is.  If not, I have a standby method by which to locate the tank.  I have old lawn hoses.  Apparently, one way to locate the tank is to put hoses down the four inch access point, making sure it is going the right way, and let the direction and general length guide you.  The tank is usually rather close.  Just a matter of where and exactly how far.  Still, would much rather just have them tell me, say, fifteen feet south of the back of the house, and twenty feet to the east of the garage, roughly, or some such.  Much... less fuss and mess.

On the good side, I can pay for this out of pocket.  It will lower my savings.  But... that's how it goes.

Oh, on the good side?  The bathtub actually does clean up well.  It won't need to be painted, or fixed up, or else.  The cleaning went very well.  It is messy again, but mostly just backed up coffee grinds.  Not the worst of it, but a limit as to water use.  For now, when I need to bath, I just fill a dish tub with hot water.  Should do two... one just for rinsing.  Anyway, that is how it has to be for now.

I am definitely hoping that the clean out clears the way.  Who knows.  If not, I'll take care of whatever else, right then.  Ugh.  Actually, I might see about calling the guy, again, tonight.  And scheduling for as soon as possible.  Could even do it yet this month... if he has the time.  But, I would like to find the tank(s) before he comes over.  

While thinking on the matter, I looked up his number.  Put him in the phone, and gave him a call.  Off duty.  So I'll call him tomorrow.  I didn't leave a message, will just call tomorrow.  After I call the other place, to see if I can find the tank solo.  If not I'll see about getting help finding it before he comes.  Still, I'll call him either way, tomorrow.

As to what else to do?  If I can go on and get to things, I'll sweep the bathroom, and the bathroom hallway.  As well, begin working on clearing the kitchen table and the floors in the kitchen area.  Maybe sweeping those.  And, very possibly, at least mopping the bathroom and bathroom hall.  Can hope.

I do feel a bit better.  Not all that much gumption to me, if maybe some.  It only got to 40, from what I saw, today.  It is already down to 36.  So be it.

I have unhooked from just about everyone I have ever known.  If... someone calls, or makes contact, I will respond.  If I have need of help, I may make contact.  But, basically, I am walking away.  Or, really, letting them walk away.  It's just the way it seems it was wanted.  I have some goals, plans, ideas.  I am working at some things.  But... I'll see how the world turns out.

Cold out there.

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April 20th, and it is 24 degrees outside, F.  Sure, it could be colder.  But that is below freezing nearly into May.  The warmest I have seen it, so far, is 61.  That was for one day.  Then it started dropping.  I think it only hit 40, today, here, by my readings.

The fields, mostly, have emptied of snow.  I still have a solid patch of snow out behind the closest outbuilding.  Not sure about the garage, but definitely where the birds had been.  Just a twenty food square patch behind it.  Still, some of it is probably six to eight inches deep.  Strange.

I did get out, and got the griddle going.  I fried onion and mushrooms, then made four smash burgers.  I think two, and smaller ones, is the best bet.  Four ounces, by two, with cheese added.  With or without onions and mushrooms.  No real need for buns, keto or not.  A please meat pancake stack, with cheese for an add.

As well, I would guess all sorts of veggies could be cooked on the griddle as well.

I didn't clean up tonight.  But I only used two of the four cooking lanes available.  And, used butter, or the fat from the burger.  They will need to be cleaned.  But I think I could just clean those cooking lanes while cooking on other cooking lanes next time.  Further, I think I could probably cook on just one lane, from now on, at a time.

I really have stopped eating quite so much.  I really only need to cook a meal once every other day.  Between coffee and kefir, even without sweeteners, that is filling me well and truly.  I do drink plenty of water a day, if still not all that much compared to when I ate more.  Something seems to have changed.  I'm not losing a lot of weight, or I don't think so, or down from where I fell in weight.  But that may happen over time.  Especially if I could get to swimming.

The problem is, swimming is... difficult.  Just waking up has been difficult.  It's a bit too cool lately.  Hoping it warms, even to the 60s.  That would make life a lot easier.  It was 30 out while I was cooking, which was a bit raw.  Not sure if the extended cold is getting to me, or... if it just wouldn't matter.  Maybe the cold, no matter when, has started taking it's toll.  No real warming in there.  A few days of warmth can help.  But, that one day, then back down into the 40s or cooler.

China definitely shut things down.  As has much of the rest of the world.  Everywhere, but America, is loading up on oil, and whatever else.  But, then backing down from production.  Topping off, and backing off.  Europe simply doesn't have a choice, India and China have a bit of a choice, if it's not... a sellers market.  Yes, the world is changing.

I am beginning to wonder if Trump didn't just, to a degree willingly, hand over power to Biden so he wouldn't have to deal with the fallout that was, without a doubt, on the way.  No president, perhaps, could have weathered that well.  And Biden was quite willing to think he cheated his way in.  There, of course, were payoffs... and risks.  It may be a once and done thing.  I'll see.

I thinks it's about bedtime.  A few painpills though, first.  Then some time to let food settle.  Still a bit full.  Then on to bed a bit earlier than yesterday?  Maybe.  The world has gone downhill.  Some think things could be different.  I am becoming suspicious that America is in no worse shape than anywhere else, and probably in better shape.  But... that's... not saying a whole lot.  And, for most people, it isn't going to matter all that much.

Best have friends and family close.  The rest of use are... targets.  And, when everyone is starving, even having food stored will only be as valuable as one is able to protect it.  I already can't.  The worse it gets, the more dangerous people will get.  Yea.  Not sure going overseas would help.  But, having nothing to steal would make me less of a target.  At least unless... until... cannibalism becomes accepted.  Some think that would never happen.  It will happen in cities a few days after the free food and else fails.  In the rural?  Maybe a week?  Perhaps a month.  Though it may depend on who you know.

Hmm... on to listening to, looking for, music.  Someone has been digging, way back, somehow.  It has been showing up in my feeds.  But it isn't showing up on my blog.  Not sure how much locking out viewers does in truth, despite appearing to not be visiting.  I have mentioned that people visit without it showing.  May still be the case.  I know .gov and .mil can see through, read anything.  Just wasn't sure they would.

Yea, right, okay.

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I've been awake for four hours or so.  It's running late, already 20:17.  So I wasn't awake until later afternoon.  Sleep was good, mostly.  I wore compression hose for all day yesterday, then went on to bed with it.  I needed them.  Been going better.  I think, beyond just keeping fluids out of my legs, it is somehow helping my heart.  I am peeing less, but so too drinking less.  It's working.

There are problems with it.  It does hurt to wear these.  And, yet, the pain is less than the comparable pain.  From the lack of headaches, to the lack of other, different, pains in the legs.  As well, the heart hurts a lot less and seems to work better.  It's not a matter of pain, it's a matter of which pains, where, and how those may be impacting my life... longevity... and such.  Better.

Still tired.  Still having problems.  But... seemingly better.  The cold, and dark, and probably wet... whether from melting, rain, or snow, and just the feeling that winter still hasn't really gone, are all adding to the difficulty.  As well, the sceptic tank is having problems draining.

I contacted someone, to help maybe find the tank next week.  And, am hoping to wake up tomorrow, early enough to call an office which might know where the tank is located.  I won't be able to get it emptied until I find it, and then until payday.  But, that... should be possible this coming month.

That will mean I probably can't get a larger bin here, for getting rid of things, until June?  July?  We'll see.  But, yes, I do have things planned, and a bit of a schedule in place.  However, if I can get back on my feet, I might be able to get things ready to be taken out to the bin next month.  I'd like to have, say, three or four loads down stairs, or otherwise to the frong room, and ready to go, by June, or July... the earlier the better.  

Even if it just sits there for a month, having it ready would make getting rid of things far easier.  Just have it automatically set to be picked up.  Having it ready for a month of loads.  Then, continue to get things ready to be tossed through the month.  If I can get two months of loads out, I could then clean so much easier.  And, get things packed for storage, or taking with me, should I decide on a longer path.

Renting the house?  Sure.  And maybe for cheap, just enough to cover costs while I explore the possibility of moving.  The Philippines?  Argentina?  Cambodia?  Thailand?  Some places to visit.  I could even afford the cost of paying the house, at least if utilities where being paid.  Want someone in the house.  But it has to be cleared, cleaned, and maybe a few things worked on until then.  Ugh.

Yes.  Even so, it would take a few years to get this arranged.  And have enough money to travel.  I would just create an account they pay into, for paying the mortgage.  And I would put an equal amount in, just in case they failed to pay.  Charge enough to pay mortgage and a half, and have enough of my money going in to cover simple mortgage in case needed (and the place vacated without me being told... which is why 2 1/2 times monthly is required for deposit... first, last, and deposit).  Hate to do that sort of things, but keeps the riff-raff out and makes sure they really don't want to sneak off without saying).

Can only do it this way, with the government cheating landowners these days.  Can't trust the government.  Or people.  I'll see.  But that is sort of the rough plan, as of now.  Selling the house doesn't seem possible.  So... yeah.  If I want out, that would be as close to the gig as possible.  Just keep the house until it's value increases, or it goes underwater and can be just let go... or banktrupcy... or such.

Between the government currently, and coporations getting all the handouts while being covered, there is no good way for typical people to get ahead.  Thankfully, given the small sliver of a chance I have, between income and expenses, even with inflation, I... might find a way to make do or even sneak out to where my money spends better?  I'll know in time.

In such rough shape though.  I do worry.  Can I honestly handle getting out, even if everything else worked?  Don't know.  I'll... try, push, see.  One of the benefits of getting out is the possibility of medical.  That might be helpful, or not.  Not sure, exactly.  Funny thing?  In the Philippines at least?  You can just buy medicine.  Don't need a doctor.  There are limits, but for heart medicine, if it's available, they will sell it over the counter.  And doctor visits aren't too expensive, nor is testing.

Yes, I'll... see.

I made it.

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They want more information.  So, next time, I will have it.  I have to find it first.  But I know I have it.  Still, I think I want to check some things out.  I sent a missive, to arrange a few interviews.  Just gotta make sure some things fit.

I did have to bust my balls, a bit, in this cold, dark, damp day, to get there.  Only to be told I need more proof.  Though, yeah, I get it.  Still, they botched my discharge papers, and on purpose.  There is a lot missing.  Even... from what they admit.

It is cold.  It was 35 or so when I returned.  While it has rained a lot, it didn't freeze (or not until recently, after returning home).  It did change from rain to snow, well above freezing.  So it didn't ice or slush the roads.  Thankfully.

So tired.  Not too sore.  Not bad, really, other than being a bit tired, having to push to get things going.  Well, and there are little problems, here and there.

I still get the idea that someone... still remembers.  Remembers some things.  Remembers me.  Though, too, I think someone still sees.  Or... seems too, leaves tracks, recalls.  Fifteen hits, on my blog, for the month.  Not sure if that is some failure in my system to block it, or... someone still visiting, from time to time.  Can't be sure.  Not sure if blocking means as much as I think, either.

Rained... raining.

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Yes, definitely.  It is 33 out there?  Give or take.  Coming down, currently, in sheets of very small droplets.  Looks to have been raining on and off all day?  I can't be certain.  At least it isn't snowing, or yet.  The terrible thing is that it is just on the cusp of it, and freezing.

My heart doesn't hurt this "morning".  I do have a minor headache, I think because I am congested.  Better than other options.  Blowing my nose helped.  It took a while, when changing from picking to blowing, for that to work.  And, even then, sometimes it doesn't work.  But I go with just blowing.  There are many reasons to never put your fingers in your nose.  Now, like it or not, I keep facial tissue in stock, just like toilet paper.  I would guess exercise would... help with what yet troubles me.  Or... if I were healthier?  We'll see.  Swimming, when I can start up, might work.

I had hoped to get to a smash burger today.  And, I am sure I might be able to find a place to cook, with cover overhead.  Probably.  We'll see.  I will buy regular buns, for now.  But, in time, would like to work at making my own buns.  From dough, of a keto sort... coconut, almond, and egg whites or other flours... or flour replacements.  May go more for taste than absolute lowest carbs?  Or, have two different types, so I can mix and match for various reasons.  The nice thing about burgers, smash or not, is they have no carbs.  Too bad I just can't eat them like pancakes, but it doesn't work.

Things coming up.  Trying to get up and going.  Having trouble doing so.  Did find my swimming gear, but it all needs washed.  Which I may start at today, after a shower.  Brushed my teeth, fed Sassy, changed her water, need to redo her litter.  Kefir is about ready to change out, but I need to eat some in order to make more room.  Always something.

I have been eating far less lately.  Not... from trying.  Just not all that interested in food.  Nothing tastes all that good either.  Usually a cup or three of keto, half at a time, through the day... a double or triple french press and cream, and then a food meal most days.  Though that may just be a couple of cans of sardines, or some roast and squash.

Not a fast day, but up earlier than yesterday, and several days hence?  I think so.  When I saw the time, I read 2:30, and knew it wasn't morning.  But it was actually 12:30.  In any case, I jumped out and... I wanted to be awake by no later than 14:30.  Well, I beat that, if I have a headache for the mistake.  Might have had one otherwise, if not as bad, I think.

I keep looking at expats in Argentina, the Philippines, and Cambodia.  Reviewing costs of living, complications with moving, various good and bad things about the places.  Cambodia would be tough.  Hot and humid, that's the main problem there.  Philippines would, likewise, be a hot and humid place.  Argentina can be from winter to summer, if their winters up north in the country, near their capital, are rather mild... or probably compared to even where I am living.  But, go south and I am thinking winters could be as bad or worse.

Crime and such?  About like many places in the US.  Around here?  More property crime, thieving, than else.  So, probably more crime there, but not by much in the way it would affect me.  So, similar, actually in any of those countries.  Thieving, when I am gone.  Size can matter, unless they have numbers and no eyes upon them.  To some degree, that is on you to tend.  But, can't be at home all the time.  If you have anything of value, or even food, they'll come for it.  Either clean it out, or take small amounts of anything and everything, as they do here.

In two of those countries, there is a fair chance at finding a woman, a... viable woman.  In one, they are a bit more... simply available.  In the other, they are available but more serious.  I have heard nothing of the availability of women in Argentina, so I just don't know.  Yes, I... would be looking for a woman, a wife.  Not interested in the red light zones, or just passing a woman on through.  But, not interested in just jumping in, either.  I'd want to... get to know her, trust her.  Without sex, initially.  As with here, no sex without marriage, but no marriage without spending lots of time with her, getting to know her family, and such.

I even looked at flights.  One way would be between $1k and $2k, max.  Though I think I would be required to have a flight booked in and back (if I can probably cancel the return flight if I end up deciding to stay, obtaining a retirement visa).  I would have to hit the place, on my feet, though.

I would have to get a place to stay for two weeks, up front.  Then, maybe take a day or two down, but try to get out looking for housing almost immediately.  You can probably get a decent place for $25 to $45 a day, but that is still a lot more than a rental.  A decent rental, in either country, could be as low as $200 to $500 a month, so yeah.

I wouldn't really want a pool, or gym, at the place, so will be going for the lower end on those prices.  But, that would mean finding an olympic pool to swim at, and a gym though hopefully with a trainer.  Not interested in classes.  The other thing I would spend time with is language classes.  If I am going to a foreign country, that is on me.  I may just find tutors, or language exhage operations.  Where we take turns teaching, or speaking, the other language.

Not sure if the Philippinos speak Spanish or their own tongue most?  I'll look into that.  Argentines speak Spanish, but have four or five other languages.  The Spanish they speak is unique to Argentine, more so that most S.A. countries.  Of course, Cambodians speak their own, very individual, language.  That would be the toughest to learn.

As well, moving to Argentina would be rather isolational.  I mean, moving from there, then trying to visit the Philippines or Cambodia, would be quit difficult.  While moving the the Philippines or Cambodia would make visiting the other country far easier.  Well, and a few other island, or Asian nations far easier.  I would like to visit Vietnam.  Probably not to live, but to see.  The same with Taiwan, and a number of other nations.  A month, or less, visit.  Not really... siteseeing, more... exploring what passes for the more favored, or out of the way, places.  Not as a tourist?  Not a common tourist, at least.

Do I know what I would be looking for?  No.  I may even just have to keep the house.  I may rent it, too.  Or try.  But, I could afford it being empty, and pay the utilities, which should be near nill, if need be.  But, if I could rent, even for the cost of mortgage, and not have to pay even the low utilities, that might be better.  Ugh.

So many thoughts.  I just don't know.  Would it be a new lease on life?  Or a death sentence.  I just can't know.  I hope I get to find out.  I best get going.  Perhaps some kefir, then a shower.  Then set up some dishes.  Oh, and clearing the litter box.  

Okay?

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It's a bit difficult.  I did wake around 14:30, and change.  But I have been having a lot of difficulty actually waking, so as to work.  My heart is sore, tired.  Painpills don't seem to be helping anymore.  I can't even game.  I just don't have the energy or focus.  It is very difficult.  Although I am waking up, every day, on something like a near normal cycle.  That IS something.

Often, when in this kind of shape, I can't stay awake for long.  Sleeping in several cycles a day, or simply sleeping days at a time, only waking a few hours at a time, is... what I would expect in my current condition.  The difference between then and now?  I am not taking medicine.  Medicine can help, but it can hurt too.

I think, when I used to get that way, I would end up going off medicine.  Which... is what was needed.  Then I'd have to beat myself up, try to get back on medicine, and when I finally did it, spend a month or three getting back into shape.

To be honest, I think medicine would keep me alive longer.  Just... not in a better life.  The ups and downs caused by medicine made life much worse.  As is, while I do have ups and downs, they are fare less variable.  The ups aren't for as long, nor as good.  But the downs are definitely not as deep or bad (until I die, but that would happen either way).

Still, not sure how long this down will last.  It has been in full play, pretty much keeping me pinned, for the last two weeks.  And, while that feels like a long time, the truth is, when I would go down on meds, I wouldn't even notice two weeks.  I would be down for months.  And down further.  It would hurt more, too?  I think so, if in different ways.  The heart didn't hurt, but organs, bones, muscles, and such, did.  Strange.

Yea.  I am going to attempt to dig out of things.  We will see.  Push, shove, grovel, go prostrate in prayer, work my way to things again.  We will see.  I will do what I can.

I did hear back, from the KoC, about changing the meeting date.  It didn't sound promising, but at least I was heard and the query will go forward.  One can hope.  Though, no guarantee I will be accepted into the other group yet either.  But... I will find out soon enough.  

All I can do is try.  I will fail often.  That... is what it is.  The next time, I will try again.  I won't quit trying.  When I die, then I will be finished with these efforts, and will most likely move on to other efforts.  I... don't worry.  I do what I may.  I leave some aspects in God's hands, some things in my hands, and what was as something to be forgiven or accepted.

I'll get a shower shortly.  Then make plans to do some work in the kitchen and sweeping and mopping in the bathroom and hallway.  Oh, and dishes.  I'd like to punch through at least two dishpans of those, and set up another set.  If I could catch up, and begin mostly cooking out on the griddle, life could be much easier.  And, then, I could get on to doing more in and out of the house.

Not an early rise.

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I think it was around 14:30.  Days and nights are twisting.  The cool isn't helping, if I don't think high heat would help.  If ti would gently warm, that might be good.  Not sure when I went to bed, but It was at least 3:30, if more like seven or eight?  Or later?  I... just can't be certain, save that I was easily up to 3:30.  Most likely later.

Dressed, if not very ready.  Several layers of clothes, as it still seemed cool.  Sassy fed, her litter cleared.  A bit of kefir for myself.  So tired.

Had hoped to go to church, but still had the sniffles, and could barely walk.  I missed the morning one anyway.  There is an afternoon one, but, as mentioned, the sniffles and exhaustion kept that from becoming a possibility.  Prayers.  That is what I can do.  If even that is pushing it.  Groups of smaller prayers... for the church, for the world, for people good and ill, and all the rest.  Good to pray for those who believe in the holy, better to pray for those who currently are in line to lose their souls.  Especially those who are damned, but cloak themselves in the trappings of the holy.  Prayers indeed.

I had to check.  It is, was, 61... an hour ago.  Well above the low 50s, but it sure felt cool.  Even so, I opened up windows and turned the furnace off.  I did check the furnace filter the other day.  It's still in good shape, holding well, and really not wiggling, jiggling, or otherwise causing trouble.

Now, as to diagnosing the cause of the symptoms?  I almost suspect it is a bit of pollen and a bit of a headcold.  I simply suspect it's parts of each.  A few more days and life should get better.  I just think so.  But it won't be today.  Still going through boughts of sneezing, dripping nose, congestion.  Though opening the house doesn't seem to have cause it to worsen.

I keep hoping to get back to work.  In the house, in this room, on to swimming, cleaning the Xterra... but it just isn't happening.  So very tired.  And more.  Ill.

A nice coffee.  Some kefir earlier.  I'll reset the kefir later.  I used some of the drian cleaner I got a year or two ago.  The drain is slow.  Not sure this stuff will work, will find out.  I really need to locate the septic tank, then get it pumped.  But, even now, there is still possibly too much snow out there.  And, then, I need to locate it.  I'll call a place tomorrow, which might have the location.

This coming month, or the month after.  Ugh.

Ah, but I am really cutting down on sweeteners.  All I use these days is keto stuff, but even that is hit or miss.  Straight kefir, straing coffee with cream.  No carbs, or strange sideways carb loading through the keto sweeteners.

The heart still hurts.  I'll do painpills, again, and for a while.  Hopefully, if things warm up, and I get rid of this sneezing and the sniffles, I'll be able to work again, heal a bit.  I'll see before long.

Late.

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I was awake late, so I suppose it makes sense.  Though, really?  I am doing poorly.  Feeling off, a bit ill.  I have had much worse.  Though had been doing better lately.  Frustrated with how I feel, how I am doing.  I keep trying to push through, I just can't seem to make it very far, or very well.

A bit of a headache.  So more painpills.  Trying to keep the dose lower, at this point.  But I... am trying to push through, and painpills have been helping.  The Vick's is still being used, from time to time.  As well, the diffuser.  Not sure that really helps, but it does make the place smell better.

I did eat, twice.  One normal sized meal, and a smaller one.  A bigger cup of coffee, and a couple of doses of kefir.  I reset the kefir tonight.  And hope to do it again tomorrow.

I had warmed the house to 74, but turned it down to 70 a few hours ago... at midnight?  No, 23:00 I think.  68?  70?  If I haven't turned it down to 68, I will.

I think it is time to go on to bed.  I've been thinking about the time they put me in a coma, and coming out of it.  The pain.  They say you can't remember.  And I suppose that is true.  But I can remember the horror around it.  I think that was the worst I have known.  Pain teaches patience, and other things like it.  Humility.  You never really recover, in some ways.

Even so, I am glad to have gone through it.  It... gives me empathy.  Not just for humans, for many creatures.  And for more than just physical pain.  There are people who have known far worse.  And live with far worse from that.  In one sense, that horrifies me.  In another sense, I have a form of... jealousy.  It's an odd thing.  Perhaps not as literally as that sounds?