Haiku Weekly - Color

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The new event is happening now, over at Serendipity's blog.  She has a post for those who might be interested.  Go give it a shot.  The worst thing that could happen is, well, you might enjoy it?  I created a few, off the bat, just to get things rolling.  When I red the post, a recent, if mostly olfactory, memory came to mind.  Then the color most commonly associated with the memory popped as I considered how a scent might work with the notion of color.  Oh, I never said everything makes sense, even if, oddly, it does.  At least to me.

lipstick flavored

tint, red to be perfectly true
summer ~ memory

all or nothing, odd
so many shades, some unseen
tasting with the eyes

girls, I do love them

blonds, reds, brunettes - calico

chasing varied tail

paint them all placid
highlight them all in happy
remember the black

Well, a bit of gaming anyway.

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I do enjoy gaming.  Sometimes I just can't focus to play.  While I did well enough in the game last night, the problem is I almost had to force myself to play, and couldn't really just play.  I might have to crack open a new game.  Learning on top of doing, and hearing the story for the first time, with it pulling me through as hearing the story is the incentive while learning the tricks is the holdoff.  Now that can pull me in for days, maybe a week, as I play with variables, check different methods, and such.  While playing it, I resemble Frodo Baggins when he suggested he was going away, that he had... things to do.  Only I have no Gandalf to take the game.  Of course, I can play that role too.  Thing is, in that case, I only want to take it so that I can play it.  :p

My sleep is in a weird phase.  It is moving back and forth.  My march back toward days just isn't going well.  My sleep is off, on top of it.  When both how long I sleep and how long I stay awake, are both changing day to day, no matter my intent and since medicine doesn't seem to help in that area, I just have to... slog through life and let that take care of itself.  I seem to be getting better at things.  I realize how sensitive I am to cooler weather, cloudy days, and such.  I probably always was, I just never had any control at all, so didn't realize what factors played a role.  Now, I have learned to manipulate, and which factors play heavier and what factors I can usually ignore or work through.  Weather, and seasons, are... or can be... very large factors.  Cool and dark enough, either after some higher heat, or for long enough, and I drop like a sack of potatoes, at least when I am down.  Halfway down into a low or on the way up from one, and it completes the bridge to the bottom.  Not much I can do.  As now, I think.

Hmm...  The cave is still high on the menu, though... if all else is failing, and since it is cloudy, if I can get to it, a hike might push me through some of that.  Don't know, never had that possibility before, mostly.  I still want to get to the yurt.  I think I can, without too much fuss, too.  It's just...  We'll see.

Sleep was rough.  Waking was rough.  But those things are actually fairly common.  The roughness was minor.  I best get on toe feeding the girls.  Sam wanted out, Sassy started out scratching the scratching post, to let me know there was a cat around, then got on the back of my chair, now sits at my elbow.  Ignoring her just a wee longer and she'll needle me with her claws.  *poke, poke, poke*  Youch!  She no longer breaks skin, nor needs to she has learned, to get my attention.  *poke*  Yeah, yeah...  Fare enough.  I did promise to house, tend, and feed, until death do us part.  :p  Oh, sounds like Sam is letting me know it is dinner time too.  Later.

Haiku Weekly - Waterfall

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As it turns, foam, the hostess of the last weekly has asked, and I have accepted, hosting the haiku event for this week.  I had been holding out, waiting until Wednesday to accept.  Being asked, and already wishing to host, just giving any other taker all the time available to jump in, I went ahead and accepted offering a theme and place to post haiku.  I will also endeavor to keep this post at the top of my posting list, so no other posts need be read.  Not sure that will satisfy all, but that is the way of it, and what I can do.  Worthwhile if it encourages involvement and keeps the event going.

Karl recently used 'water' as the theme.  And it was a refreshing notion.  Then, in that same event, Serendipity used the picture of a fantastic waterfall in her post.  The two together just pulled me to this theme.  There is something about waterfalls that just... attracts me.  If I knew of one to which I could hike, around here, I would take even a long trail, perhaps camping along the way, just to shower, perhaps spend a day exploring, taking it in, and sleeping nearby, if allowed.  The visual appeal is stunning.  The idea of a natural shower is alluring.  The love of water generally is sort of mystifying.  And the idea of cool, perhaps chill, to someone who is almost always overheated or feels as such, is immense.

into without fear

called by cold blue and swirls

blessed from above

By the way... ask and you shall receive.  Perhaps my next trip to the V.A. Hospital, if it is an early appointment.  Best get my hiking boots back into trim and check my pack, check it twice.  

Another wildlife encounter.

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Whether from cooking out side more often, or from feeding Sam 'on the patio' as she prefers now that the weather is to her liking, something seems to have drawn a critter.  Not so as... enervating as the mountain lion of some years back.  And yet, at night, with just a penlight and little certainty, there is a spook factor.  From the grunts and... other noises, I suspected it was rather small.  I thought it was most likely a raccoon.  It headed out, but not at great speed.  And, I did have a pistol with me.  Now, a cornered raccoon can be a nasty little critter.  It's a wild creature, about four times the size of a cat.  Generally it isn't on my dangerous wildlife list, unless it has rabies.  Then it will charge and attack.  The same with any wild animal, mostly, and even domestic pets.

I followed it around the house, then followed it just a bit.  I wasn't trying to chase it off, the girls being in.  I simply hoped to catch a better look at it.  It did not cooperate.  It had been at the window, with Sassy looking out.  That is where it was barking and carrying on.  Sassy was probably scratching at the window.  I don't think either could break through.  Sam and Sassy play 'patty cake', one from inside, the other from outside, that window all the time.  And while a raccoon is bigger, it isn't that much bigger.

Still... it was sort of fun, once I figured it all out.  I am quite sure, as many of my neighbors have chickens, that killing it would have made some happy.  However, shooting in town is against the law, and with six or nine various leo's in town... well...  And while not an eco-freak, or PETA at all, I also, generally, prefer not to kill.  There are times and places.  And I understand s.s.s  It's just, I'm not vested or threatened.  Further, I probably invited it.  I will continue to cook, but I will be bringing Sam's bowls in at night.

Grwlll...  I did have a pet one when I was quite young.  They are, sort of, okay... when they are young.  At some point they become totally unmanageable.  At which time out they go.  An uncle found a dead mother and kits.  At least we gave them a chance, feeding them up to an age at which they might have a chance.  Their eyes weren't open when we got them.  There was no such thing as animal rescue.  We were it.

Hmm... gaming?  A little music, first, then to that.

Wow... Might have to get fresh veggies when I can.

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Canned was not only not back, with a hit of smoke from the grill it was downright delicious.  I can only imagine what fresh would be like.  Now, because of my limits, just when I go into town, and am hitting the store, when those things seem to line up with me getting to the grill within a day or two.  Otherwise it's a waste of good money.  Green beans, drained, with a pat of butter, and some real smoke on top of it.  Then again, barring fresh, I might have to eat a bit more canned.  Almost any canned veggie would work well with this.  Hmm, good bakes beans, but without the fake smoke?  Yeah, that might work too.

Steak, potatoes, and green beans, a quart of whole milk, and yeah... I think that was worth the very small effort.  It's about all I had to offer, so there is that.  How much I will get to, through the weekend, I don't know.  I have some hopes that laundry and housecleaning will take place.  If not, perhaps some rest.  I do need it, and I know it.  I just don't always like that, or care.  Can't die hard enough, it seems, though.  Certainly can't work hard enough.  ~  Just let me at em'!  Bleh.

Oh, something I really enjoyed at the steak house in Ogden the other night?  They battered and fried their potatoes in a sweet tempura batter.  I wasn't sure I would like it, on first bite.  Something about the mix of sweet and savory, traditions, and the idea of potatoes...  Confused, for moments, as my mind had a three-way fistfight to decide whether to like or not and which way to run with that.  In the end, liking it won on up to actually loving it, and I can't count all of the ways.  I love foods like that, even if I had ended up hating.  It made my tastebuds think.  Seriously, literally.  I love that.  Anyway, I will be doing research on tempura batter, how to make it sweet, savory, and plain.  I can't do that often, but it would sure be a fun mix.  And, if you can use it on a potato, in what I consider a revolution for that particular staple, I have to wonder what else you could use it on...  Think of a glob of potato salad, or even fruit salad, hamburgers for sure, and it would make for a remarkable hot dog.  Avocado?  Pear?  What spices or sauces could you add to which?  Yeah, that's how my mind works.

Full.  Mind whirling.  I do love foods, simple or complex, traditional or revolutionary.  I don't eat all that often, so I might as well enjoy it.  Hmm... smoked, then battered in tempura?  :)

Well... on to gaming a bit.  I need to push my days and nights back around, and gaming can sometimes do that.  It still hurts, but I'm in such a state that pain isn't so noticeable.  Later.

Oh, yeah, sure, plans...

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My body has decided that it will rest.  I have let it know what I want.  I have made several attempts to induce a bit of effort.  I have failed.  I won't beat the dead horse.  A bit of a grump, perhaps some research since that is available, a bite to eat in a bit.  A few more days down, most likely.  Which... is fine.  Even I could use it.

I got rid of my my sudoku game, as there were too many connections and control demands.  I went looking for replacements.  Ones with no controls entitlements.  I found two.  One is okay, but has no neat ways of choosing how to input the numbers, the hint is a blind gimme, and the levels seem pretty close until they offer puzzles that are impossible.  Without a way to mark out the empty spaces, you are left with guessing... which I won't do.  It is a pretty game.  There are things I like about it, but... it just won't do.  So, one more time into the apps bin.  I noticed the one I had removed, but this time it suggested that it was offered without allowances.  I checked it out, and sure enough... clean.  So it is back.  Between the two, one more poetic in a way, and one much more technical, I have a couple of sets to play today.

Now I am looking for a calendar.  There is one, but it requires all sorts of allowances.  It is even a pay one.  I am looking for one, even if it is more simple, that requires no allowances, has holidays (Christian, and federal, perhaps state/local).  One that does appointments well, has room for notes, and allows a wide range of features, such as repeat events and fairly extensive alarms for events.  I don't need it to connect with my contacts, I can do that in notes and my system allows me to call a typed number.  I don't want it to contact people for me in other ways.  I don't need it to connect with my computer, wi-fi, 3/4G, or anything else.  I just need a simple, functional, usable, secure, calendar.  Not easy to find.  They all want you to connect to everyone at all times, in all ways.  Not my gig.

Hmm...  Tonight?  Steak and potatoes, twice bakes.  I ought to see what veggies I have, and maybe just cook it right in the can after popping the top.  Grills are good for that.  Drain the can, add a daub of butter, and put the can on when the grill is started.  Yeah, fresh is best, frozen is better, but I am an OGRE!  I can't get to the store, nor cook fast enough even when I do, let alone keep on top of bad veggies in the fridge.  Can't.  Tried, often.  Not possible.  So... canned or nothing.  And, without the grill, it's usually nothing, because then we get into the reality that I am horrible at doing dishes, so an extra pan or pot for veggies is simply a step too far.  But... with the grill?  Maybe.  Green beans, beats, asparagus, who knows.  Feedings by the neighbor has really spoiled me, and reminded me that vegetables aren't all bad.  Mostly.  :)

Hmm... might actually play a PS3 game.  It has been ages.  The poor thing is just sitting there gathering dust.  And I do enjoy it, when I'm not trying to run three hundred miles an hour...despite only going a few yards a week.  That gearing must be off.  It would give me something to do beside sit and sweat the past, grumble about the present, or try to map a future I can't always... quite get to.  It might even shift gears, after a few days of system shock.  Games can REALLY pull you in.  Yeah, steak and then a game.  Not much but it is what I have.  Later.

The short view.

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Looking at things with a simple mind is the easiest way.  It is, as well, often the least expensive, most time expedient, and typical solution.  There is a time and place for such reasoning.  If you wish, for example, that a nail hold two pieces of wood together, hitting the nail with a hammer while it is pressed against the top piece of wood, while properly stacked or otherwise touching the other piece of wood, has no equal as to doing the will.  *bam*  As well, there are places and times where nothing else is available.  A radiator hose springs a leak while you are 50 miles from Nowheresville.  Duct tape and extra water?  Check.  Well, there you go.

Sometimes, often, that is how it goes.  Simple solutions to simple, or even more involved problems.  Find what, exactly, is wrong.  Then look at what is on hand.  Stir problem and supplies until the one takes care of the other or some other solution presents itself.  Often temporary fixes become permanent ones, until they become a problem often enough or at a critical moment, thus increasing their importance and demanding more of a solution so as to not be such a major problem.  How much of the world runs on duct tape, bailing wire, and a few other things is impossible to know, and would cause some to sleep uncomfortably at night.  Don't we all dream that everything is in tip-top shape, especially some things which life as we know it depends? 

The long view is wonderful.  The idea that we can fix problems so that they never return.  Over time, the goal is to create a whole system that can't fail.  The ideal is to design the system first, then implement it.  If that isn't possible, having what we have or can buy, the next best solution is to begin seeking the weak points and replacing those with solid parts and components, or keeping the parts on hand and knowing what is what.  Over time, it is hoped, that there will remain weak points that are so well made, and easily replaced even so, that life will be simple and grand.  Of course that takes lots of money in components, the understanding required to refit a system, time, and energy.  Given that even the disabled, who are flush with time, have limits on the other things, and a working man has to work to pay for it all, and each has their limits in all ways, the time to do this is probably only topped by the limits on money.  Hmm, a good education in plumbing, electrical, and construction aren't cheap or easy either.  I did say "good", not the typical "just patch it over" that often faces a learner. 

As I deconstruct my home, a part here, a room there, a system next, I understand the two views.  Oh, I could take this valve out.  Replace it with a better valve.  The problem?  The better valve isn't made for home plumbing.  Further, getting the failed valve out is easy enough, but figuring out how to get a flush fitting back in is going to be a trick.  Sure, I can go without water for a bit.  It's not my favorite plan, but it is doable.  At least at certain points in life and the seasons.  The question is, do I wish to risk taking something apart that I may need to get a plumber to fix anyway?  How much, literally, can I do myself.  Replacing a water heater?  It's... a bit of a chore.  It weighs a goodly lot, there are steps to go down, and the question of quality, and brand, arises.  The expensive ones don't seem to be rated much better than the cheaper ones.  Going middle of the road seems reasonable, but is it?  And, just how much can I afford?  I don't want, or care for, luxury.  But I am not interested in the cheapest fix either.  Where are the lines in there?

But this isn't about automobiles, or homes, it is about life.  There are ways of doing things.  Some are as simple as the nail and the hammer, with a minor swing.  If even that might take some practice.  *cough*  Other things simply can't be viewed as that simple.  How many of our social problems exist because someone suggested a hammer works on a circuit board?  How many things and people have been broken by believing giving someone just enough money to live would be good for them or society?  How much of the education lies in ruins because someone suggested all students are equal, and need both the same type of education, in exactly the same type of schools, for the same number of hours, and honestly expected that to make everyone equal.  Further, to create equality, they simplified the whole system down to a level no one should fail, causing failure at the top and not helping the bottom at all... the bottom chose the bottom and dove to escape any signs of improvement, leading the way for the rest of the education system.  A hopeless dive to where the least and worst would be equal to the best.

At this point, I can't be sure there is a middle ground.  With the economy having been crushed through bureaucratic malfeasance and an end of the good life, and a middle class, I don't think there is a way back to a more reasoned middle ground.  At this point, we will see hammers being used, exclusively, for every fix, until someone chips off the rust that was keeping the place together, for appearances, and the ship sinks.  The engines are gone or being attacked.  All of the systems that do work are being given triple duty to make up for what has been broken, and used outside of their intended parameters in all ways, and further are under attack by the gremlins who brought this whole thing to the place it is now.

Life is never certain, it is filled with mistakes from man to nation.  But there have been times when sanity was the goal and reason was the tool used to try to create the ideal.  Those times are long gone.  Equality, multiculturalism, feminism, free everything, debauchery, and deceit are the rule of the land.  Both sides know it, only one side cares, and mildly.  There isn't much to do about it but try to survive it.  Is it better to hope for a complete break, so as to begin rebuilding?  Or is the goal to keep the tub afloat long enough to see a simple farewell?  I suppose it depends on your age and your beliefs.  I do know a hammer won't fix it.  I also know the longview isn't quite possible, as things stand.  Too many stand in the way of reason, too few who could affect change care.  I guess I just keep stocking kit and beans and watch.  I have my own hammers, but I am trying for the longview, myself.  Ah, but... only for myself and those others around me who are doing the same.  We can't help those who won't help themselves.  Such is the way of even God.

Days, nights, twist, shake, boil, and stir.

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Makes it's own gravy!  Oh well, knew that would happen sooner or later.  And I kept pushing.  Even when I didn't get a thing done, like yesterday, and maybe today (though I just woke, so there is an off chance).  But when I intend to use a down day for work, my body holds that against me.  I am sleeping well, trying to stay up on medicine, and such.  Not doing great with anything, but... I'll keep going, one way or another, until the sink is done and the cave is cleaned up.  Then I get to collapse into a Doom stew and just gurgle for a while.  *blup*  In one sense, I don't mind.  I may lose horribly, might not get much done successfully or quickly.  But I haven't quit.  Nothing the world, other people, or myself, rightly or wrongly, has taken my legs out permanently or laid me low.  I'm getting there, but on God's time, and His watch is slow.  It'll be another fifty years if He has His way.  Christ thought it was too fast, I think it is too slow, both of us accept that it is His will, and bow to it.  Fast or slow, if they are unnatural, they are painful.  I don't face the sins of all mankind, but the physical suffering I have cornered.  A better deal, in direct comparison with Him, but not a choice deal overall.

Never mind.  Today?  I don't know.  I just woke.  No dreams recalled.  Some morning pains, but just a mild form of the typical stuff, and it will pass quickly most likely.  I noticed a drip somewhere around the faucet area, and almost panicked.  Just waking makes panicking easy, in one sense, as there is little going at first.  It also makes it more difficult, as while emotions are mostly all that is initially available, they aren't awake enough to be that deep.  The curse of nature wrapped in the blessing of limits?  :)  So, after a thirty second spazz, while I did my morning duties, I went to find what the problem was.  I looked, for a bit, but wasn't sure my mind was going to be able to track it.  Ah... just the drain pipe a bit out of trim.  Perhaps I bumped it, but more likely the girls were in there snooping, one jumped the other, there was some hissy footing around, and what I have holding the thing up was bumped.  Yes... they do that.  It was a solid drip, something I mostly likely couldn't have missed and would not have ignored.  I'll close that up from now on, but check it anyway.

I probably need another day down.  I don't have much choice.  I am still hoping to get laundry kicked out, and do some straightening.  I may just save finding the parts until Monday or Tuesday.  I simply don't have a way to push past.  Not even sure I can get to laundry and cleaning right away.  I can put it on the work board, I can plan it, I can push.  I can also set a goal of making a million dollars.  I had an uncle do that, when a million still made a man rich.  While he was pleased with it, it was from the sweat of his brow and knowing when to buy, how to prepare it for sale, and the working it or selling it...  I think he was, ultimately, disappointed.  He thought it would mean something.  I think, in the end, to him, the price of working that hard had not paid off.  He changed, and I think for the better, upon the realization.  He ended up dying young, but... I think... in a better place.  He was my favorite, probably because of the push he had.  And, later in his life, as I finally see things through the prism of my life, he learned to keep the push but not be owned by it.  The push is either a tool, or you become it's slave, and it is a terrible master.

Yes, yes, cleaning.  If I can get to it.  Laundry first off, then whatever else I can arrange.  Blathering.  I best be on to figuring out my world.  Good day.

Well, maybe tomorrow.

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Neither the first guy who was helping, and seemed, mostly, helpful, or the second guy, or my own efforts, have yielded success as to marrying this, that, and the other thing.  Which means another trip to town.  This time with the parts in hand.  I thought these water hoses were the same as typical water hoses.  Not so much.  No, thanks, as to help, I'll do it myself, one way or another.  I will get this to work.  As to taking down the old part and redoing it, that also is a scrub.  While separating it this time, something went wrong.  Something broke on the housing.  It won't seal now.  It was just a minor option anyway.  I can plainly see that something is wrong with the old part though.  I may tinker with it, even so, to see... if I can get it to emulate the actions and appearances of the new one, now that I know what it is supposed to look like.  There are only three, not three and two, ways the piece can be fitted.  That is, assuming the old part didn't break somehow.  No... after a bit of tinkering, and definite comparing, it does look like a small piece, inside, is simply gone.  It wasn't there when I first removed it, either.  A bit of a lip, on the static plate, a quarter moon piece of ceramic.  Water pressure too high?  I hope that is just... a fluke or... something else.

I did water the flowers and plants again.  One group of them was looking very tired.  After watering yesterday, the blooms came back even on it, but...  And, I took out the watering can, to make watering them less of a spray and pray proposition.  Just fill and spill, now.  And I am trying to wash some gun cleaning gunk off the patio set.  A nice cast iron ironwork, antique green, with roses as the pattern set of table and two or three chairs.  But... with a blotch of Hoppe's #9, or something...  I washed it the last time I watered the plants, and will continue to wash, and hand scrub, until the mark is gone.   Then I won't use it for my hobbies anymore.  It's just furniture...  That is what the shop bench, shop rags, and probably a work mat before too long, is for. 

I would like to get to town and find the pieces, but I just don't have it in me, or not quite yet.  Since I missed the shoot, and a dinner invite, I'll have to push for tomorrow.  Shooting I can make up, the dinner no so much.  I do try, but I am out in uncharted territories.  Hmm... I could hit laundry, since I can't do anything else much, but have some life to me?  Well, and tend the trash and do some picking up.  It's light enough that it shouldn't rob me of my mojo for tomorrow.  Shooting and parts shopping tomorrow, and probably a continuation of work Saturday, and until the faucet has been fixed, verified, installed, and checked again once installed.  Or, at least tested, and if it fails, looking for any other problems.  Then I get a break, not until... even as the rest of the world seems to be sliding past and remains out of my grip.

Not bad for a mostly dead man... or... thing.  Not perfect, obviously, but better than options I have always, to now, known.  Yeah... laundry... trash... neatening... and putting the few dirty dishes to a hot soak.  That'll satisfy my need for... speed.  Later.

Time to... do something.

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Alright.  Nothing was done yesterday.  Further, I thought today was yesterday.  Calls all day, but I have to wake to sort them.  Never mind.  It's just the way it goes.

What happened and when?  Don't know.  I guess, somehow, I thought the part would be in Wednesday, so I based my calendar on the part being in?  Don't know.

The part is in, but as I suggested, I wish to dismantle the original part and... tinker with it.  Some more.  Why?  Well, because, I... hate to lose?  Because I love to tinker?  Because, while I am at it, I would like to learn and experiment, since it is a no-cost opportunity?  All of the above, and maybe more?  Yeah, last answer.  So I will begin messing with the thing shortly, after coffee and a chance to wake. 

The medicine that arrives in cold packs is in, and stored.  I need to, later, when I can walk, check the mail.  I am hoping the losartin is in.  While the carvedilol is the most important, by far, and the most dangerous to drop and restart, even after a few days (if *cough* some people do that fairly often), so I can see why it gets priority... the thing is I like to play with all the marbles or none.  And, while I have learned to bite my constraints and play anyway... that itches my cockles in a most unfavorable manner.  Especially when I had to be talked, and hand held, into playing the game, and then had the rules mandated to obsessive levels.  Meh... the military was like that too.  :p  Oh, and it looks like the supplements have kicked in.  Cramps in the legs are gone.  So there is that.

Oh, Lord forgive.  I do my best, and keep trying.  Half aware, sometimes, at best.  Especially when I push and keep that push up.  Even a long drive on what should be a day of rest... throws off the brain it seems.  Lost any awareness of time or events.  But... I'll keep pushing until some things are done.  Sense will have to make itself once I get some downtime and can allow it.  Most likely, however, I will not give it enough downtime.  Might take a week or more, and I have... things to do.  I will either break, and fall... very hard, or I will rise to the new and highest plateau of functioning I have, as yet, obtained since falling ill.  Then, before too long, break and fall anyway.  :p  The break and fall is guaranteed, at this point.  The question is, can I work through it, at least for a while?  Or... maybe... and this is just a slim possibility... work past the fall?  Don't know... scarily exciting.  Maybe on the verge of a little, or big, step.  Maybe...

Now, lets be honest.  Even if I reach that new level of function?  It will NOT be all that much.  It will simply mean I can do a little, very little to be honest, for longer periods of time, through a fog.  But I will be creating the fog, this time, not just falling into it.  Making confusion through effort.  The hope is, that in the mental fog, I can push focus so that I can see far enough into it, or through it, to do some very minor things... not worrying about the rest... as in a fog the rest of life has never mattered and still won't, can't, but I have been unable to do even little things in there.  This will be huge, if it happens as I hope.  But... in all truth, it will be the quadriplegic wiggling a toe, or finger, but without feeling.  It won't be up and dancing a full night of ballroom swing, let alone a single dance.  A finger, or toe, folks... that's all.

Still... I am excited.  It is, to my mind, possible.

Later.

Scents in the night.

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Oh, well, the way my memory works, when I remember some things, I remember more than mere pictures and ideas.  Olfactory, textural, and other things can be recalled.  I can all but step through a portal back in time, sometimes.  Actually... I think in some cases that is just about exactly what happens.  Rarer these days, and mostly just... certain areas of my memory, much more lightly than before.  Still, tonight, I am sensing something on the air but nothing that goes with it.  Perhaps the scent is simply, somehow, nearby... or my nose is confusing one thing with another.  But this odor is rather particular.  Lipstick.

That aroma has... very specific connotations.  It was when my woman, of the time, was signaling her... interest.  At the very least it meant she wanted to be seen and appreciated.  Most of my loves did not wear makeup as a daily thing, other than lightly, and rarely lipstick.  Lipstick quite often meant she wanted my masculine... attention... in a more specific way, or would be seeking that sometime in the evening, for her own wants and needs.  I don't think she always understood her motives, but I certainly learned to know them.  Cues.  Initially, those were so subtle, or seemed that way to my male mind.  In time, with experience around women, though, those little things added up so quickly and strongly that... it was impossible to miss.  As with knowing when fruit is ready, once learned it is impossible to miss, even with other women, and now.

Which means that the scent is... distracting me.  Normally, at a certain level of sudoku, I can hit the mid-90%, on the first round, easily, almost automatically.  Actually, since the odor seemed to present, my numbers have taken a major hit.  I was only, and just barely, able to hit 80%.  I don't know about the early games, as I didn't initially realize I was being distracted.  Toss in a waft of perfume, and the clickety clack of high heels, and, until I could place it and... manage it...  Not sure I could make it through a game without messing up.  That distractability made it so that when a woman wants my undivided attention, she can get it.  Can't focus around some things, or I can't, not well.  Might as well call it a day and go tend the queen.  Not a bad thing at all, mind you.  Oh yeah.  We were made to... pay attention to things.  I am sure, over time, those cues have been different.  But, for my generation, or in my world, those were the things.  They at least cued that something might be... possible, and easily.

Gah!  Where is the vinegar?  That might... fix that.  Ammonia if that fails.  If it's just, truly, a memory?  I'm stuck.  Hey, I'm celibate, not dead!  Mostly.  Gah!

Later.

A bit sore, stretched too.

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Oh, no fuss.  You know I like it.  I will need to take a couple of days down, without plans and only very light work, perhaps this weekend.  I think I can keep it going, as needed, for a bit more.  Getting the faucet fixed, and installed if I can get it to work, or the replacement part works.  If not I will tinker to try to find the source of the problem, failing that I will call the manufacturer to find out what else might be the problem and go from there.  At least I have that resource now.  They seem to be reasonable.  Rare.  I will also get out shooting Thursday.  Depending on how all else is going, I may begin my break Friday.  Though I might just push on and get laundry caught up Friday, as an intermediary step down, then go down Saturday and Sunday.  Don't know, but that's sort of the plan.

As I said, the next project, after I get the faucet set back up, is to clean the barracks!  Gah.  I've just not had anything to put into that.  Toss, throw, eliminate, but also sort and straighten what I will be keeping.  Tools need a long sorting.  The problem is, much of it can't be sorted well.  Plumbing goo to wire to boxes of bolts and screws, and then throw in wrenches that can probably handle four inch pipe on down to dental picks.  My one tool chest is rather small.  A good minor kit, but it certainly doesn't help with the majority of my tools, let alone components and expendables.  Ah... this is where Some cabinets in the workshop might come in handy.  The problem with that is it gets cold out there, freezing cold.  Even if I add a heater, I wouldn't run that all the time.  Some things, like plumber goo, don't take well to freezing.  Wire?  Sure.  Nails, screws, and bolts?  Fine.  Sorting will have to take place.  I do need four more pegboard pieces, a few more pegboard hangers, and parts drawers out there.  But... the cave needs to be tidy, just for my mind's sake, before I get too much more into that. 

I have heard, to be a prepper, organization is probably the first key.  If you have everything you might need, let's just say someone does... if they can't lay their hands to what they need without a major effort, there is a major problem.  More so if a time dependent function is on the hoof.  This is not one of my features (or bugs :p ).  Organization is a lot of work for me to obtain, and then a major hassle to maintain.  I'm not alone but that doesn't matter.  I really need to pick up the pace on that a bit.  The place has to be reasonably clean and neat before that can start.  I'm... working on it. 

Sam, sitting in my lap, getting petted, decided to smell my hands.  Don't know why...  Ah, pork roast remnants.  Yes, I wash.  Cats just have a keener sense of smell than even a decent wash can remove.  This time, however, she got a little (bigger than usual) zap to the nose.  It hurt even me a bit.  Static electricity.  Usually she... just rolls with that.  Being in a desert, we sort of just have to live with that... if a humidifier might help... but those are a pain to keep up.  Anyway, as I suggested, she usually just... understands.  This time though, it tickled my fancy, and so I started laughing.  She can be sensitive about that.  I tried to calm her, and stop laughing.  Neither convinced her though, and I had a hard time doing either convincingly to be honest, and off she went... in a bit of a huff.  Lord knows I enjoy the ladies, even cat ladies, for some of their ways.  *huff*  *grins*  Ah, but she has decided two handed petting is worth a little seeming hit to the ego.  She's already back.

Later.

Rest and sleep.

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I do need it and I am getting it.  I checked the doors, but it seems none of the packages have arrived.  Which, is, actually, a good thing.  I am not quit ready to hit it again but that wouldn't have mattered.  When the parts arrive, if I can shove on into it, I will.  Tomorrow, most likely.  There is nothing, really, for me to do between now and then.  Technically, if I was hopeful, I could install the faucet and just hope the cartridge is the only problem.  I don't trust, however.  I looked into that old valve, there simply shouldn't have been a problem.  The gaskets were all good, the only strange stuff in there was a black goo, but either that was just factory exterior sealant, or slightly possibly just stuff from the waterlines that collected on the inner sealant goo.  Oh, that might have... no, not the charcoal from r.o., that would have gone through the other faucet.  It's just an unusual substance to have been in the water, after a softener.  I suppose it could be sediment, silt, even as black as it was.  Though it was in places the water didn't seem to go, so...

Hmm, you know though... since the filter is easy to remove, and little work at this point as things are arranged... I could... tinker with the old cartridge a bit more.  While it "seems" to go together only one one... there may be variables in the reconstruction that are not plainly visible to the naked, novice, eye.  I would guess there might be two ways for the ceramic pieces to fit withing the housing, and up to three different ways for the cap of the housing to fit back onto the body.  Look, I'm a learner, not a master.  I was pushing beyond my physical ability a bit, which can limit more complicated thinking.  And... problem solving is exactly that.  One tries to solve the simple, then branches out from there.  Hmm...  I really do wonder.  When I wake, I will give it a bit of a go, perhaps.  I'll need something to mark the different variables so that I can easily track them.  Then I will have to explore what variables are actually available.  It's, really, just an algebra problem, a simple mechanical one.  Two variables and a number of different answers that could be manipulated for, depending on some things, I think.  I might even think on a mathematical problem while I am at it.  Oh... sure... it's simple enough, truly.  My math-fu is simply rustier than one might imagine.  And... when is the last time YOU created an algebra problem from a physical application?  Yeah, so hush.  :p

As odd as I am, in darker ways, I... have a humble nerd heart beating in there too.  It's sort of all I wanted.  It just isn't what I was better at, and the world is a demanding thing.  Your duty is your nature.  My nature was not contemplative.  Still isn't.  I'm just dead enough that the options have slimmed... for good or ill. 

Oh, best clean my pistols before going out shooting.  I'll have to find my actual kit.  I found, and developed one, enough to clean that .22 out a bit.  But that kit isn't what I need for my pistols.  I do believe they need a very serious cleaning.  Semi-autos get very nasty very fast.  I now, even, have a shop bench upon which to tinker more seriously, and without the fear of spilling the cleaning solutions and oils.  I have been cleaning thins the old way I had been taught.  I think I am going to look at how "they" say to do it right...  Look over how others clean their pistols, and see if there is anything new, or something I like better.  Well, and it is something I can do while waking, to get my brain engaged, before hitting algebra and real world variables.  Or... at least working on variables.  It takes more time to make a math problem for a simple set of solutions than it does to just do them, unless you are working on scale with many variables.  But that isn't the point... and you have to start, or restart, small, anyway.

Later.

Dreaming while awake.

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The pain is crippling, when seen full face.  At one time, pain and fear and death... meant something.

Late, but dinner was served.

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I had hoped to be in town by 16:00-17:00.  Pulling in just at 18:00 I mentioned to my friend as he was nearing that... yep... an hour late... right on my time!  He... knows these things and was rather nonplussed.  He even had it in him to grin.  Still, the drive is only an hour.  I thought, at this time of night, the road would be relatively lightly trafficked, and what there was would be... reasonable.  Boy was I wrong.  A few maneuvers to lose bumper sitting texters and a few other sorts made sure my friend was awake when we got there.  Well... and a few choice words.  Of course, he customarily uses those words.  I think it just surprises him to hear them out of my mouth.  *boo!*

The place was easy to find.  We both, actually, knew right (about) where it was, and he caught the sing before I could pass it.  *evil grins*  Never mind.  Anyway, we were able to get in, and get seated, right away.  It was busy, but they had enough little places and spots, and maybe the area we were in is reserved for the handicapped.  The other areas were mostly high tables/chairs and booths, so...  The meal was very good.  While prime rib isn't my favorite, when going to a new steak house I order that first, often, when doing a calibration.  If they do the au jus correctly, then I consider it more than just another McUpscale joint.  And, they did it right.  Not too salty, no artificial beef flavor.  Beef flavor, to be sure, but it didn't taste like a chemical additive.  Now, the prices were... uhrm... ripe.  But you do get what you spend.  My friend had king crab.  It's the first place he has seen it available in years... 5, 10, 15, he couldn't be sure.  And it was, to his mind, fresh and right... perhaps righteous.  We might head back next month.  He is thinking a double order of that stuff, and I can't blame him.  I want to try the ribeye next time.  But... once ever other month, at most, would be the visiting timetable for such a restaurant. 

On the way back I did buy some of my list.  No tools, but it was running a bit late for that anyway.  Cat foods, litter, a couple of baseball hats and a few more t's, sleeveless as an experiment.  I don't need more t's, though there are some my mother, or a wife type, would certainly hide away to see if I noticed, then be rid of.  Well, okay, my mom and probably my last, would simply have cut them up then looked surprised when I asked about them.  Gah!  And they knew when they cut them up.  They always pick my favorite old shirts too.  It's... uncanny, their accuracy.  Underwear as well, if I, generally, don't have quite the same feelings about those.  Still...  *Bam*  Right on target.  Which, secretly, tickles the cockles of the black part of my heart, which I would never admit. 

Now to cool off, and get to bed as soon as possible.  Oh, I checked the mail on the way home.  You know, I probably ought to do that just a bit more often.  Once a month is probably pushing it.  Then again, I was done, then distracted.  Still...  Doom or not, I do have some social and... other... duties.  Uhm, yeah.  A box full of parcels, letters, and of course junk mail.  I'll sort the mail later, I had to see what new toys came in first!  A 3-way sling for my rifle, water pills if I think there is a problem with the water, to use before filtering, the last of the cotter pins and a puller or two, syringes and carvedilol.  No losartin, which is what I really needed.  Not yet.  Bleh.  I'll check when I go to town next time, and until it shows. 

Later.  Perhaps good night.

Oh, it's about that time.

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I slept much in the last day and an half, and seemed to need it.  But, now, I need to shower and head to town.  It is late, but my friend deserves a birthday meal and shall have it.  I feel rested enough, though may stop for a coffee at one of the shops in town.  Hmm... probably not open, not the easy to use one.  The other requires driving a bit of a maze and usually long lines.  I'll just skip that and have a coffee when we get there.  The one I am sorting out currently will have to do.  Yeah, go-cups... I just don't want to fuss.

A shower, then dressing, and a final shave.  Well, and brushing.  I have been keeping up on my teeth rather well.  I started flossing since I have been doing well enough.  My gums didn't even bleed a bit, so I must be brushing correctly.  I have been using a tool they gave me, but my teeth are so tight the threaded head doesn't last one flossing session.  So... floss is on the list, along with wet cat food and litter, perhaps another bag of dry cat food wouldn't be bad as I opened the last bag recently.  As I have started an ongoing shopping list, I need to make sure to check, and use that, when I get down to the lasts of things.  Hmm... no... I'm doing that... I have just been down, or distracted, lately.  Fair enough, I suppose.  I've simply got too many balls in my juggling routine.  I haven't been able to keep them all in the air!  Ugh.

It will be good to see what my friend is up to.  Hopefully he has gotten out a bit, from time to time, somehow.  His sister visits him, from time to time.  And he has a few other friends, if they are as... problematic as I.  Well... at least he has friends.  :)  We try.  We are either distant or as in bad of shape as he is.  Thursday for shooting, I think.  He said he is starting to try to wear the leg again.  That would help.  Not sure if he can pull it off.  He had to stop the first time, because it was causing a rash.  A callus is good, not so much a rash.  Then, I think, it simply was wearing him out, and the pain was a bit much.  I wonder if he tried over the counter painkillers.  It might only dent that, a bit, but... it might be enough.  It is getting through that rough spell.  I did it with my medicines, but barely.  And only because I knew what was on the other side.  He does not know.  It took me years to finally trust and push on through, then again I was often, up until the heart clinic, dealing with yokels trying to treat a symptom, and with a sledge hammer.  Treating the problem, and with a feather if need be, made a world of difference.  But... I understand, if in my own way.  And I know just because a doctor says jump doesn't mean there is any jump there with which to work.

Right... shave, shower, close shave, dress, go.  Gah!  Later.

Another long nap.

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The dream storms continued.  This time I caught two, and had a third.  It seems my mind can only hold just so much, and there is no guarantee of even that.  Another dream, sleeping, and waking are all tough on the fragile newborn, artificial memories.  Dream, dream, dream though.  I don't even remember sleeping, just seemingly dreaming start to stop.

In the first one I had, an old man and woman are rich beyond most people's understanding.  It was later 1800's, or early 1900's.  But, as an example, in a time when men made $1,000 as a yearly income, he had a million... actually... at least eighty of those, not to include his, and her, possessions, of which they had many.  They had never been able to have children.  He suspected she played some part in that.  He simply wasn't sure he cared, other than that it gave him one more "right" to hate her.  And they did indeed hate each other.  Every word, or look, was a test and a challenge.  A beautiful thing, in it's own way, should you be able to stay clear of it.  Woe be upon the head of any man, woman, child, or nation, who or which got on the wrong side of one of them.  The favored one did not protect their own pets, yes-men, or sycophants. 

They had lived in this way for years, perhaps a decade or two.  It is just how it was done.  Old, ancient, especially for their time.  But on they lived.  Neither had truly deserved the hate of the other.  They both fulfilled, to the letter, and other than this way in spirit, the letter of their marriage vows.  As I said, it was as it was because it was.  No more could be squeezed out of that lemon.

Then, one day, while hastening her servants in rearranging some area of the home with new pieces and flowers and all, the Mrs. slipped and hit the floor hard.  She knew something was terribly wrong.  Rather than struggle to get up, and knowing her servants were not of head or arm suited to tending her, she sent one of them to find her husband... probably in the basement tinkering with his toys.  Surely enough, guilty as charged.  He wondered, at the news, if this was some sort of charade.  The woman was a one man drama club.  Still, he suspected he best go see. 

As he arrived, he could plainly see that his old prune dove was at least grounded.  Further, the look of pain that spread across her once hatefilled face was genuine.  She never was much of a crier, after he taught her that her tears were a thing of joy to him.  Stone, he had turned his heart, and with relish.  Still, sympathy moved him.  He went to her, and even as an old man, he was strong.  He sent one of the servants to fetch her doctor, then gently lifted her and carried her to bed.  A broken hip was the announcement.  Her damage, for him, his gentle care, for her, brought back the time before.  And, so, they enjoyed the remainder of their lives as the friends they might have been... if an occasional spat was yet to be had, and shortly enjoyed as a trivial piece of drama when the friendship returned.

------

The next dream stars the old man, after his wife passes.  It was several dreams after it, but I don't remember the intervening dreams.  This one was the third, the one I had thought forgotten.  It came back while writing the first.

------

After his wife passes, and while quite nearly a truly ancient man, more so for his times, the old man decided to adventure into oil.  He acquired a much younger "partner", set up an account for the endeavor, and they set about buying land and equipment from which to wildcat.  The old man mostly did the numbers, and looked for deals.  The young man was the field boss, found a crew, and was involved with most of the labor issues.  They had a million dollars to work with, he thought that was the sum of the old man's fortunes.

Time after time, drilling after drilling, failure after failure.  They worked, and bought, and drove all over the land looking for new prospects.  A few successes, but too few.  After a few years of hard work and much labor, the younger man realized... their crapshoot was at an end.  Nearly tearfully, he went to the old man.  Explained what was already know... that the million was gone and what was coming in could not support further adventures.  He apologized to the old man, even offered his share of the income as he could... find other work.  The old man let him ramble, and offer, stoically.  After the man had finished, and offered what he could, the old man finally looked up, with a smile, and said...  "Dear lad.  We are indeed broke.  That account is gone and the income won't sustain, true.  But when we started, I had eighty such accounts, and now have more.  Lets... be off to Texas."

------

The last that I remember was an odd one.  We see a man, in his fifties, stumbling back into his home with a chihuahua hot on his trails.  Neither is running, exactly.  For some reason, both the man, and I as an observer, know the dog isn't just a dog.  It is the form a pernicious spirit or entity of some sort.  And, for some capricious reason, it has chosen this man to bother.  Being a man of some small means meant nothing to the spirit or the situation.  As the man entered, he closed and locked his door, saying a small prayer.  The little beast just came right through the door, doing no harm nor opening the barrier.  For a while, the man just sat in a chair beside the main entryway writing desk, looking at the creature, which just sat and stared back.  It seemed to be deciding what delicious trouble to cause the man.  The more it sat, the more he feared.

Finally, the dog came forward, took a pencil from the writing table, then went over to a sheaf of letters that were mean to go out.  It grabbed a particular one, a reverse scrolled poem and letter to a particular young lady the man had befriended and taken into his confidences.  The communication was opened partially, and on the back, plainly written, the dog wrote that the author was her father.  He admitted to the affair with her mother that had brought about her birth, and that he wished to begin being more than a friend, but also begin being her father to the degree possible.  Then the beast simply vanishes.

The man reads what the devil pooch has written.  He could erase it.  But would the dog come back and do something worse?  Besides... he has been wanting to tell this young lady of their relationship.  He has grown quite fond of his daughter, and hates the lies and games.  So, he folds the missive up into it's original form, reseals it, and replaces it back into the sheaf of letters to be sent.  The next day it is sent, as altered, without a thought.

At some point, several days later, the young woman arrives.  They had scheduled time together, on that day, in any case.  So the visit was not a surprise.  She gives nothing away, so he cannot be sure if she received, or if she received has read, the letter, or what was written on the back.  A game they play, as is customary on her visit, involves two rackets, almost as tennis rackets, connected by a net, with a ball connected by stretchable cords to the rackets.  It is sort of like tennis, only you can't miss.  And so the game begins.

As they are playing, she begins speaking.  Initially in her typical way, but then progressively more angry.  She feels cheated, betrayed, angry.  As her voice picks up, so too does her play.  She is battering the ball when it arrives for her serve.  He, quietly, enjoys.  He knows she cannot hit the ball hard enough to do any real damage, but doesn't wish to give her reason to do something more drastic.  He hears her out, pretending a bit of nervousness in order, he supposes, to win her sympathy or wear her out at the least.  At her crescendo, she seems to realize she will never be able to damage him with the ball.  As she serves, her final time, and harder than ever before even knowing it means little, she adds a bit of of twist.  She sends the well swung racket along during the serve.  *duck?*

I don't know how it ended.

------

I could smell the flowers being arranged, fragrances the women, and man, wore, see the marble tile, the engraving in the woodwork of the homes.  The colors of the various items, the old clothing worn, the formality of the wealthy that remains to this day in some of the old money households.  Details I do not add.  The smell of the oil fields, even before a gusher, just from the machinery and hard working men.  Certainly after the gusher though.  A strange kind of stink that only oil has.  So many details, but no real room for this quick set, and no reason to add it.  I could write full short stories from these, including character backstories, the details, and more detail with the details given.  But no time, and... really... the heart of the matter seems good enough.  Plus, I wanted to pen them before I forgot, or forgot again in one case.  Hope you enjoy.

Dream after dream after dream.

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I tried to hold onto a few.  They just slip through the fingers so quickly.  The one I remember was, playing an agent in a muslim bar, as the music guy.  Apparently I was merely on standby, to be used to gather information, spot specific targets, plant bugs, or even meet and help extricate people getting out with information... basically a backup jack-of-all-trades.  Funny, I was playing more my style of music, that I play here.  Over time, I learned how to get the men to want to dance, the women to dance, and the men and women to want to dance at the same time.  I used it to alter moods, depending on the crowd and to pacify.  I became quite good at it.  All of the dream was one night, however, but I realized how well people could be controlled with a different beat and style.

On this night, there was a particular woman, with peculiar earrings, who caught my attention as I seemed to have caught hers.  Toward the end of the night, I played a series of songs meant to get both the men and women to dance, but at a slower tempo.  And I watched her dance.  Yeah, I liked her, but no more than any other, I thought to myself.  Especially considering where I was.  Remember, upper tier muslims are very Westernized and into debauchery.  They play the righteousness card while living in the devil's den.  As we were closing shop for the night, this dame came over and we had a nightcap while talking.  Her earrings!  They had Hebrew writing on them.  They were half-circle bands, that went through her lobe on what would be the axis.  Silver, with Hebrew lettering.  I couldn't believe she would dare to wear those there!  I suspected that they were... sort of unique earrings... the lettering only visible to some.  But, too, I knew she wasn't what I had thought.  The dream stopped there.  Whatever.  I know that love between agents is fast, furious, sometimes lethal anyway, and usually ends in tragedy.  Still, it's that way because life is very short in those circles anyway.  Live and die or live, love, and then die.  Your choice.

I woke, several times last night, speaking a tongue I do not know.  I don't even have an idea of what the language is, let alone if it is real.  I tried to repeat some of the last words I remember hearing while waking and... well... I don't have the tongue for it, not awake.  Damned furriners can't speak English at all!  I wouldn't even know how to find a language that sounds like that.  And that is assuming it is real... or... known.  Crazy dreams all night long.

Well... best be about something.  Perhaps even another nap.  Just a short one.  No reason to go to town until I'm going to town for dinner.  I can get cat food and litter on the way back.  Doing laundry would be nice but that... probably just isn't going to happen.  Oh, but I better feed the girls something.  Those little natives have lost all patience and are on the warpath.  Sharp little claws, let me tell you!  *poke, poke poke*  Gah!  They are what woke me up.  Just slow to wake and not quite ready.  So...

A few hours of sleep.

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I went down a bit past 22:00.  I slept well.  But I woke a bit before 2:00.  Yeah, a nap.  Couldn't really focus when I woke so a bit of music, perhaps some research in there, and reading what was possible with a few comments thrown in.  *Yawn*  In one set of comments, I seem to be debating a male feminist.  Probably an academic or youngling male who... isn't particularly handy with the ladies, so believes everything his mother told him about the myth of female equality and power.  If he ever manages to find a woman, she'll learn him.  With the divorce probably.  Well, actually, it will take several.  Then again, I've met boomers who still had the apron strings pretty tight, obviously cutting off blood to their brains, after some experience.  A masculinity deficiency I think, to boot.  The other "man" is being cordial enough, so I remain at the debate and relatively reasonable as well.  Thankfully, since it isn't his blog, and the blog commander lets these things play out, and offers a bit of humor and tweaks around galore, I don't have to, probably, worry about being booted.  Then again, like I give a...  *splat*  :)  I co-author there.  I think other authors have left because I dare believe other than what they believe.  Which...  I dunno... quite up to them.  I enjoy debating.  Especially with those who can't.  Plums!  Pluck.

A bit more sleep, I think.  I pushed, and now am resting, and sleeping, in stages, as need be.  Hopefully I will be back in shape for another round of efforts when the part arrives.  I would love to do some laundry now, but... may just have to go with the clean clothes I have and make the dirty laundry pile just a wee steeper.  I do have some dress clothes, and it is a fancy joint we are dining at.  But I can't overdress, or be rude, as my friend doesn't have fancy.  Better day wear, and home wear.  Cords work, with a simple shirt, I suppose.

Oh, one of the things I forgot to mention in the post about hobbies, is that another one seems to be of interest.  Minor leather working.  One of the prepper blogs on my sidebar has a post about how the author made a sheath for his axe.  Not only does it look fun, but practical.  There are a number of things I would enjoy making with leather.  Belts aren't among them, and I'm not sure.  Good leather seems rather pricey as well.  Not something I would get into tomorrow, just... something for down the road.  Axes, pistols, ammunition, other tools, and flourishes to some woodworking projects.  Leather hinges, and shelves, can really add to the look and style of something, or can make those corners softer.  I love having contact with my world, but a sharp edge can make that love more painful than it needs to be.  It offers a whole world of opportunity for tinkering and embellishing handcrafts and tools of all sorts.  To the limits of imagination and within the parameters of what leather is useful for, and perhaps a bit beyond with a bit o' craftiness.  Usually substance and function is the key, sometimes, if rarely, style will win the day... in my book.

Definitely nap time again.  I will set the alarm for noon, though I suspect I will be up well before that.  Then again, who knows.  Good night, again.

Pretty zapped.

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I did get a shower in.  I didn't shave though.  Forgot.  Dinner was just eaten.  I did make a couple of calls, and have a part on the way, plus I called my friend.  He thinks dinner tomorrow would work, shooting maybe Thursday.  I has been a while since I shot the .45, so that will be good.  Two pistols for me.  He has a whole lot to choose from in his collection.

I would still like to get into town.  Not sure if that will happen.  Tired.  Very tired.  Then again it is Walmart.  A nap and a late rise wouldn't be all bad.  With going out to supper tomorrow,  I best do some laundry when I wake.  I'm not quite desperate for clean clothes but it's close enough.  Not much else is probably going to happen until I get a little sleep.  I did need a day of rest.  Tomorrow should be rather light, and then another day of rest before the part shows up.  Then... I'll tackle it all again.  Hopefully one last work attack in the kitchen.

Hobbies, crafts, and arts.

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Yeah, yeah, first business.  The business of function is primary.  But, honestly, I am somewhat limited in a number of ways.  Still, what I can do in that department is primary.  And, currently, that is what is on the table.  However, as more of my time has become useful, I have been reviewing various projects and areas which would enable me to be, if not truly always more product, at least would introduce more constructive things to do with my time.

I now have a functioning sewing machine, with some number of bobbins and good thread, needles and all I do believe.  What I lack is any experience.  I can tinker with that, in time.  However, that will require making the sewing center conducive.  A chair for the area, after opening the area up a bit, and then... organizing the sewing kit.  Depending on that table, I may even wish a chair that is height adjustable.  Well, and buying patterns and fabric.  Have you ever looked for Wookiee patterns?  So, even with patterns I will have to... guesstimate, a lot, in the beginning.  I can't even find chest patterns for my 56" chest, though 40" waists are easy enough, if not with 36"-38" legs.  Stretching that to cover nearly six and a half feet isn't any easier, all around, or around.  Guesstimation.  Some of the guesstimation will be easy enough.  Hemming is simple.  I think that is what it is called, and I am told(tm) that it is simple.  The arms will be a bit tricky.  But the real trick will be the chest cavity.  Measurements are odd.  For example, while I have a 56" chest, I can often fit a shirt made for 52", but not always.

I'll probably start with pajamas.  Hey, don't laugh.  Good pajamas (without footies and not one piece) are fantastic.  Especially for a guy who doesn't, and can't, leave home often.  And, further, when stuck at home, sits often.  Then on to shirts.  Custom dress shirts, using really good material, without those stupid chest pockets, perhaps with a few hidden pockets and tricks sewn into them for... a man who likes to carry minor tools and equipment discretely, isn't all bad.  Next, vests.  Nothing fancy.  Just wool and other good materials sewn into decent gent's vests, to go with the shirts.  Maybe even work vests.  More pockets!  Perhaps vests first.  Time will tell.  Then, eventually, I would like to construct a suit or three.  Oh, but there is outdoor stuff I would like to do.  A somewhat winterized hammock sleeping system would be fun.  There are various packs that would be nice to create and experiment with.  These things are somewhat to extremely expensive to buy on the market, more so when customized and of solid quality materials.  If you buy good material to start with, and take your time, you can seriously make much better items for a fraction of the cost.  Time is the factor, and I have that in spades.

Drawing, in pencil, in charcoal, can now go forward.  Watercolor just doesn't tweak my interest currently, and acrylic and oil painting is... well...  One thing at a time.  Beyond price is complexity... and skill.  While I haven't had the time, or the capacity, to this point, I do have the tools, a few reference books for plants, animals, and people.  I must admit, I have been just a bit fearful of this.  First... it's going to start out looking like... well... does third grade ring a bell?  Improvements are long and hard, and come through practice, practice, practice... and an assumption that some talent is there, along with some capacity to improve.  Even, I am absolutely sure, IF I get "good", I will not be satisfied. I know this.  This form of art can take everything one has, and more.  I enter it with some caution and trepidation.  The ego will take hits, perpetually.  No way around that.  And it could eat time like little else.  Still...  kept in check, I think I might... find my way through this.  Heck... look, mom, writing!  I got past most of the ego checks on writing, and publicly.  And, no, I never feel like I have said it write, said enough, or wondered if I said too much.  And, I have kept up, a bit, with haiku.  Both?  Same-same.

And, of course, there is getting out.  Hiking, camping, snowshoeing this winter, and... whatever else.  Yes, yes, not much in that way so far.  But I am getting geared for it, I am learning, health is improving so that this is possible.  And... I am pushing for it.  I have been for over a decade and that is finally bearing fruit.  Actually, I am geared.  It is more a matter of refining the gear, and learning how to use it.

Oh, and let us not forget the shop I am constructing.  That won't just be for work.  After I have things settled with the current problems, I may well deconstruct the old reverse osmosis machine and cartridges to investigate their operation.  For fun and perhaps practical data.  The unknown is feared, and as such disliked.  Which is why understanding has been a life long passion.  But it won't stop with the r.o.  I think, even before that, I will dismantle and investigate the last "new" faucet, see if I can get it working, as a spare.  Then, of course, getting the en suite bathroom torn down, refashioned, then up and running.  That is, mostly, practical.  But it certainly has hobby written all over it as well.

I don't know how fast, or deeply, I will get into any of this.  But... I am now geared for it.  I am aiming at the things.  I am learning and playing with the notions.  I am looking for fabrics and other gear and such.  I even have some push.  The bathroom I want to have kicked out before my mother returns, for the experience before "we" hit the kitchen.  I still have the bathroom valves to replace and that faucet to... fix.  And there is the matter of installing new water shut-off valves in the basement.  She'll be the director, choreographer, and maybe shopper and cook, when replacing the kitchen floor..  I'll be the muscle and tech.  As well, I hope to have several pair of pajamas, and have several shirts and vests kicked out before she arrives, probably this coming spring.  So she can show me what I'm doing wrong, and right, and... what next.

I have plans.  No longer including the conquest of the world!  :)

Slept well, woke well.

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I didn't get down until very late.  Couldn't.  Sleep simply would not happen.  I didn't do anything yesterday.  Perhaps I could have gotten a few things done, perhaps not.  I didn't test it.  I'm not sure if focus was there.  Then again, that I didn't even test for it is often the answer, like it or not.  And, sleep was quite good again.  No dreams that I can recall.  The only interruptions were from the girls playing and their attempts to wake me.  They, even now, expect my sleeping patterns to be cyclical.  When the sun comes up, they will wait a bit, then try to wake me.  Though, in the middle of the night, when they get the munchies, they will also try to wake me.  And, while I can sleep past it as I did last night, I think it does create a minor disturbance.  Mostly when I don't let them sleep with me.  I thought I still needed sleep, which means freer and more frequent rolling, so I didn't let them in last night.  When they have access to me, they don't make noise but will come in and... walk on my, smell my face with their whiskers, or such.  They have learned the limits on that though, so it's usually much less of a problem.

Waking, if later in the day... early afternoon, was good too.  I've spent a bit of time waking and will now look for the manufacturer's number and give them a call.  Hmm... right after looking up the exact model number from my Amazon order history list.  I report on how that goes later on.  As to anything else?  It depends on what they suggest.  Perhaps a trip to town, I do need cat food even if they will be sending parts.  I'm not in the best of shape, I pushed on this and that.  Real limits or just being out of shape, or a bit of both, and redlining for too long is a problem.  Perhaps it is what I need, if, to date, after many such efforts, nothing has really come from that.  Well, that isn't true.  But what has come from it is complete and absolute misery.  It would be like you forcing yourself to live on four hours of sleep a night.  The price is steep.  Eventually you would do anything to escape that regimen.  Anything.  Still, I push where and when I can.

Later.

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Premier did all I could ask.  Wait times on tech support are what they are.  Still, it was under ten minutes.  Further, the lady spoke English in spite of being from the East Coast.  :p  I had looked up the model number and described the problem.  I suggested that I had tried another cartridge.  She suggested that these faucets are a bit fussy about replacement cartridges.  They are shipping it via UPS, and it should arrive within two days.  At this point I can honestly ask for more.  If it works I will order a spare.  Even if I can get one for free, I would rather not have to wait for delivery, and might still call in for a replacement, just replacing the replacement used with the replacement sent, after making sure it works.  Or... well... something like that.

Yeah, it's not fixed yet.  But I AM keeping up on this.  I am keeping with it.  This was, I remind you, supposed to be a simple r.o. installation that turned into an r.o. system removal and installation, three valve replacements... so far, a faucet problem solving set, and... all else.  Someone else, presumably with a wife, would have had this done faster.  Nothing like having the big and little whip working in tandem.  A wife, first thing, probably would have looked up the faucet info and either made that call, or handed making the call off if she was in... the wrong mood.  It's a one man band, and the man isn't fully functional.  Meh...  I've enjoyed.  Still, it would be nice if the faucet can be made to run.

I will, probably, make a run to town this evening for cat food and, perhaps, some other things.  I'll return the valves that are too big for valves that are the right size, perhaps, as well.  And look for plumber's wax, for o-rings and other such.  But not until later.  I'm moving slowly, and need that.  Hat tip to Anonymous.  Yeah, I know who you are.  :)  More tinkering... stuff...  Hmm...  Mostly another rest day, if maybe some cleaning will go forward today and tomorrow.  Slow, easy, until I am back on my feet.  And, storing up for when the cartridge arrives.  I will have to re-install the faucet, and will be absolutely keen on doing that very well this time.  At least, if this happens again, I won't have to deconstruct the faucet to fix it.  The cartridge can be handled without removal, assuming the valves work... which, now, they do.  Bleh.  One system at a time.

Oh, but how about a shave!  I'll trim with the electric, and after a shower before raiding the local village, will do a proper shave.  Eventually I'll get those straight razors honed, begin practicing on the balloons, then get right down to... butchering mein gesicht properly.

The old days(tm), old ways(tm).

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Can't always identify what... brings things around.  Thoughts, memories, as I relax or work or even sleep.  Like a spark hitting a neuron, then an explosion of memories, passions, thoughts implode upon my consciousness.  I can almost step through that door to back then.  Or, perhaps, I do.  Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the ill, sometimes it must be forced aside if possible.

Ho boy.

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While I couldn't get to sleep, I hadn't stretched too far into 'the zone'.  And while I had pushed, I hadn't crushed.  I did what I could do to alleviate the stress while doing what I had to do and maybe a bit more, technically.  Though the extra was often related to either gearing up, gearing down, or just seeing something to do at the right time and place.  Still, I was well and seriously caught on that outgoing current.  Fight is not what will save you in such a situation.  Staying calm and staying afloat, then hoping you have the strength to make it to shore when you get out, and to the side beyond the push.  Then, as you can, you make your way back in.  I know the drill.  I can't always respond to it as I would like.  I lost my whole world that first time this happened, and about killed myself trying to fight the tide.  Who knows, if unlikely, this might yet be purgatory, another stage of it.  In any case, I thought waking was going to be an epic horror.

Not so much.  It must have been past 7:00, perhaps past 9:00, when I went to bed.  And it was an hour or three before I actually found sleep.  Rest, however, was to be had before sleep arrived.  My body had to... relax... in stages.  When I push beyond my flesh, that is into animal, feral, territory.  Not of mind unless other elements exist, and even so I have been trained and experienced beyond that, as much as a man can be.  No, this was just of flesh, and done carefully even so.  As such, my body has to... change... back to human... sort of.  Now that the flesh is on the mend, I realize I have the keys, mostly.  But having keys only unlocks and locks.  As with, say, the water locks on the Panama canal, water has to flow and fill lift, then on to the next, up and down the canal.  Each step takes time.

Sleep finally arrived.  Restful.  A dream, one I have had before, once that I know.  I remembered it half way through.  An Irish woman becomes an owner of a bakery.  She starts small, doing much toil herself, but moves on to hire many, and mostly manages the operation.  Life has become, mostly, sweet, after a hard youth of war.  Which side she was on matters little to the story, and is never actually uncovered.  At some point, a ghost from her past returns.  It seeks to rekindle the war.  She has moved on, in more ways than not.  She refuses to get involved, only offering charity to the ghost.  A token of past friendship and bond.  The ghost, reluctantly, accepts the bit and goes about his business.  But the woman, fearing a return to the old ways, and the loss of all she has worked to obtain, calls the authorities.  The ghost is quickly captured and, out of hand, destroyed.  Some things, however, do not stay dead.  It returns, to her business, and destroys her workers, while she hides in her office, listening to the sounds of killing and dying, crying and fearing her own death.  Finally, all of the sounds stop.  As the tears begin to cease, in the cubbyhole under her desk, she begins to wonder if she will be spared as time passes.  The ghost, eventually, does enter her office.  He speaks with her about the past, their friendship, and the betrayal.  He asks if she understands what is happening.  She says she does.  And, so, with no tears or fear or lack of understanding, the ghost lays her low.

Don't look at me for answers.  It is merely a dream, for all I know.  Who, or what, are right, wrong, or how to put a solid grip on the thing, is beyond me.  Sympathies, empathy, understanding, wisdom, righteousness all vie for consideration.  A sad end to a sad tale.  I came to like the main characters, some of the workers, and I see their faults and such.  It is much more difficult to judge when all are "friends", and well understood.  But, there, you have it.  As to science saying that dreams are not replayed, all I have to say is that earth science suggested that lightning does not strike the same place twice.  There are a many dreams I have dreamed repeatedly, and other than "those" dreams.

Sleep, however, when it came, truly was wonderful.  As that first shower after a week in the bush, or a cool glass of water after a hot day of work, perhaps like taking boots off after a rather long hot hike.  It actually came rather gently.  It snuck up on me.  More as a wave of relaxation one step deeper than the one before it.  And I rested well.  I didn't sleep as long as is my normal, but far better than is usual.  The hours are off, I didn't expect sleep would be as I would have it.  And yet I feared, deep inside, that waking would be the real nightmare.

Not so, not at all.  Waking was quick and absolutely painless, so far.  The body aches were hidden at first, and only slightly in play now.  My mind is fresh.  And, should I not wish to wait on a call to the manufacturer tomorrow, I would easily be able to get to town, with a shower and all else thrown in.  The girls will just have to wait for tomorrow for wet food, as I do not wish to make an extra run to town.  And, while I can run, I do not wish to push it.  I will relax, softly, today.  There are a few things I could do, and probably will do, probably.  But I will do them softly, hoping to put efforts around Monday and more solid information.  Things to do, but... yeah... gently.  It's a fragile device that I wear.  It has been kind to me, this time.  I wish to return the favor.

Later.

Sleep is highly overrated.

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Unless you need it and aren't able to get it.  I went down for a bit, and might try again in a bit.  It looks like some parts of today are simply not going to work out as I had hoped.  I won't be going to town.  Then again, after doing a bit of digging, I found the hompage for the manufacturer of my faucet.  The warrantee?  Good for the life of the original purchaser.  Parts or full replacement at their discretion, of course.  So, I will call tomorrow.  If nothing else I am hoping they will know which replacement cartridge(s) will work, perhaps a few other troubleshooting ideas, or... whatever else I can get.  Still, I had hoped to get into town for cat food.  Hmm... then again, I can go in whenever, since that is purchased at Walmart.  The girls will just have to suffer through on hard cat food until then.  Oh the suffering of austrocats in training!

I have to admit, I got a lot done yesterday.  Somethings just unnerve me.  A slow leak is one of those things, even if I have it mostly tended.  But this was more than just a slow leak.  It was a leak I couldn't shut off without shutting off water to my whole system.  Submarines were not claustrophobic.  A slow leak with no easy way to stop it is claustrophobic.  To each their own, I suppose.  I felt trapped.  While I did push, that wasn't what gave me wings.  It was fear.  While it may seem simple to you, if you understand what being crippled means, then... then you would understand.  What if I couldn't do anything for a week?  I would end up with all sorts of water damage.  Water damage I couldn't tend.  And... I was right on the edge of going, or being, down.  Now I can breath.  Now I may go down.  Well... as soon as I can come down off the walls.

I don't hurt, at all.  And, no, I didn't have much medicine.  Literally two drinks last evening, and light ones.  And the anacin has worn off easily.  I'm just in a no man's land between adrenalin rush pushed too far and sleep that will not come but is needed and desired.  You don't feel things here.  Unless it goes on too long, then you feel as if reality, and you along with it, have been stretched across the plains, or more the desert.  Dry, cracked, painful.  Everything hurts for no particular reason, but in every way it can hurt.  Memories attack, guilts are remembered, the body hurts everywhere, the eyes burn, the throat gets dry and sore, talking might even become impossible.

Oh, you are reading this.  Never worry.  Haven't been there since I was going through dosing up medication.  Before that it had been quite some time, perhaps a year or more?  At one time, I spent 10 days awake on nothing but a bit of food, a few sodas a day, and sheer horror... back when the ghosts and possibilities for... dark things relating to a possible past seemed larger than life.  Artifacts of fiction, perhaps, from a dying heart.  Hard to know, and none of my business these days, in any case.  And, so far, they haven't come true.

No, but this is just a minor glitch.  I'm probably just off my schedule, having missed my window(s) for sleep, to this point.  Nothing time won't fix and probably sooner rather than later.  No pain, as I mentioned.  The mind is wandering a bit, but that's to be expected.  Still, I was able to focus and find the manufacturer's homepage.  Before that I posted a question on Amazon, about which cartridge the faucet uses.  And, if I am up in a bit, and still doing okay, I might check some things on the faucet.  As I said, I don't actually know if the water is getting past the cartridge up into the neck.  If so, then maybe the cartridge isn't, or wasn't, the problem.  With the leak now, perhaps I... caused a problem with the cartridge, or didn't reassemble it correctly.  Bleh.  Still, sooner or later I will check that, unless Monday rolls around first, and I get something of worth from their tech department.

Yes, the girls are unhappy with me.  Food, wet food!  Nasty, vile little creatures, when they don't get their "dues".  Hmm, then again, I like to skip wet food for a day or two once in a while.  Or is that just the excuse I give when I haven't been able to get out in the past?  Oh, I like the idea of having them "starve" on dry food for a day or three.  I'm just not sure I have the will to put up with the hissyfits.  Yes, yes, a storyteller.  And I do use that to my advantage, if just to nullify some of the... frustration, guilt, anger.  So it goes.  If that isn't all, or the only, truth or even a majority.  At least that has, mostly, changed.  I'm just too wrapped up in things to hit every cylinder, no matter how light or few there really are.  It is an improvement.  A major one.  Blathering.  Later if more hopefully, good night.

Hmm...

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Okay, scrub the water shut-off valve replacements.  I did measure, but I think now that the measurement simply didn't mean much.  I thought they were 3/4", but I am thinking, after comparing a bit more closely, that they are 1/2" valves.  Live and learn.  And, while I only, immediately, need two of the four 1/2" valves I purchased, changing those valves out...  The main valve is an npt female, I believe, and is wedged between two pipes, somehow.  Not sure how they got it in, unless it was simply built in.  Not sure how to get it out.  Hacksaw and superglue?  For right now, that project... at least needs more research.  The other two valves, are, thus, also probably 1/2".  The problem with switch those out is...  Well...  It's tight.  I'll have to see if heating the fittings will help, and... well... what they are attached to, not far below, is plastic... inlets to the water softener.  So... messy.  Problematic.  A bit spooky.  So, those valves are off the table for now.

I'll get on to putting the sink valves in, though, so that I can have water coming in... assuming they don't leak.  This is much easier with two people.  But, I've got what I've got.  Other than putting the valves in, I won't be doing much else.  The pork roast is done, so I'll put that on a board and rest it before tearing into it.  I've just eaten, so I'm not all that hungry.  But... just a small plate of pulled pork shouldn't hurt anything.  The medicines seem to have helped with the headache.  It's still back there, in the background.  But it's staying out of my way for now.

I will check the store, tomorrow, to see if it is open and if I can get the replacement replacement cartridges.  I might, actually, check tonight, to see if they have store hours information online.  I realize I can't ask the guy who is usually around about this stuff, so I'll do a bit of research tonight on the various topics, and see if I can find more exactly what I will need for the main valve replacement.  I might also look for markings on valves, to see if sizing information is actually on those, in code.  It is difficult to read, but if it is there, it might be worth the effort.  They aren't 3/4" valves, for sure.  They might be 1/2", but since the valve types are different, even that isn't clear.  Ah well, something to do while licking my wounds for the next round.

If all I can do fails, and I'll know tomorrow or at latest the next day... whatever day that is, the next thing I have to do is get a handle on the cave.  It is an absolute mess and I won't do another thing until that is settled.  Uhrm, once I recover from this push, however long the push lasts, and then however long recovery takes.  But... it's next, before even one other thing happens.  Throw, toss, chuck, circular file...  Then, maybe, some actual cleaning too!  Oh, and laundry while I am at it.  *shrug*

I've got work to do.  I'll be up for a while yet.  But this is it for blogging.  Good night.

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A lie?  Or is it okay to change the mind?  In any case, the valves went on quickly and easily and held when I turned on the water, without a drip.  Yeah, I know, you are supposed to let the plumber's dope cure for 24-48.  I just don't have that luxury.  The pork was... fantastic.  I probably ate too much, but...  Yeah.  I think I can live with that.  I did check, and the hardware store is open most of tomorrow, so I shouldn't have a fuss getting in and buying a couple of ceramic disc... valves? cylinders? replacement parts.  This time, since I only have that, which will take no focus, I might check out some other items... tomato plants, hot peppers, perhaps asparagus tubes/seeds, horseradish, and maybe jerusalem... things... potato replacements... something.   Now to wrap the remainder of the pork, settle to some music, then sleep.  You know, another sip might not do any harm, while I am at it.  Sip slow, sip low, sip rarely?  Urhm, mostly.  Good night.